13.13pm

I cant comprehend that it's the last day of 2019, but also new years are overrated because my days conglomerate into one giant day eww drama
Currently in ban bing bong's house cause we always have accidental sleepovers
This day last year hmx was here too
Ok brb

+==edit==+
15.38pm

I find it so idk weird cute when ppl add me to the close friends list on instagram cause they all know I mute everyone so I wont even know until they DM me something and I see the green ring of friendship
Thks for consideration

+==edit==+
21.00pm

I lost sense of time so bad that I thought today's post was yesterday's idk
I feel like gabriella montez on new year's eve everyone partying she just sit one corner read book
But at least she meets troy bolton psht hahah jk
So like im still considering going out either to tampines to join my family or to go find hmx but I also am very comfortable being home alone I am not feeling any form of fomo hais parties are overrated sometimes
Okay i will go do self reflection
Undoubtedly so much in my brain-
The year, the decade, the new year, but also I don't have to think about all of these now
New year's eve is but another day except everyone is reckless and having fun and friendly it's like 2nd xmas which I love
But also idk again sometimes there's just no need- and that's the simplest way to put it

07.39am

Oof fell asleep slightly after 330
I feel well rested though
I have never scheduled a day to actually go watch hsm but today is the day so im like so excited my calendar has reminded me to "WATCH HSM!!!" and I agree

01.32am

Have been on an attitude era binge the past few days cause they keep appearing on fb
I feel so alive
Happy birthday mama panda ♡

+==edit==+
02.44am

Ah suddenly thought of yesterday's gig again just now
I'd make hmx wake up early again in a heartbeat to experience that again even though ke lian to see all my tired dysfunctional losers

+==edit==+
15.13pm

I really think people perceive me in the weirdest ways like it doesn't get old them being wrong and feeding into their own feelings
Like bruh

02.29am

How did hmx score a 9am gig
How and how are we going to do it hahahhaah goodluck kidz we're all in this together
Meeting them all in 5.5 hours so I have to be up in like 4
Hopefully will recharge me enough idk cant tell if hibernation will occur tonight or not hopefully not?
Had an accidentally jam packed day but ended up lovely hais
Bless

+==edit==+
07.18am

I love how concerned my friends are over my sleeping schedule hahaha why are those words italicized noone knows

+==edit==+
10.51am

How do I even begin this unravelling of emotions and thoughts
It should be socially acceptable to just stare into open space without anyone questioning if you're ok I am more than okay actually im intellecting im living in the moment more than all of u combined hais ok jk im just saying things to clear my brain
What did we do to deserve this opportunity
I cant thank you enough alhamdulillah
It's so easy to disassociate from feelings
But being here I see volunteers who is so passionate and full of heart that you cant even differentiate the patients from the volunteers and I mean that in the greatest way possible :')

12.14pm

Accidental sleepover but outside hahaha jk
I must leave home in less than an hour
Another long day ahead but again, excited for rehearsearl!
If I crash tonight good but if not, even better

+==edit==+
14.04pm

Sometimes im like why do I agree to plans when it's risky but other times im like shrugs yolo

+==edit==+
15.25pm

Help man im trying to listen to mitch in come along but all i hear is sCOTT frickin hoying hahaha i need my alto ears back

09.16am

Trying to fall asleep was hard I think it has been some time since it was that annoying
Oh well, good morning now
Recuperate before rehearsal resume tomorrow
Exciting!

10.49am

Why did I not blog what did I do yesterda-
Oh
Ok as usual every auditions season we lose track of time cause start early end early so nights and days bleed
Add in a xmas eve gathering with hmx, no chance of sanity
Im forcing myself to sleep soon so I can be lively for the annual xmas party later
Excited to see STYLO and of course our dearest grandpapa- missed him too much I hope he is always blessed with health, wealth and happiness ♡

ps i feel so happy wishing every strangers merry xmas huhu what a bright time

+==edit==+
20.23pm

The one time. One time I trusted blogger
It failed me

/ Had a lovely albeit short family gathering at grandpa's!
So lovely seeing everyone again
Also their neighbour has a cat who looks like marble and the cat matches their wooden floor we were so shook at the beauty and frozenness it didnt move yes it was real
(I also talked about how the cousins jioed us to the carnival but we lazy to entertain crowd so ended up home playing monopoly deal which I sat out of cause lazy to use brainpower lol I always have no appetite for the game I played it once with hmx and only liked it after we finished playing but the thought of restarting the momentum is like no thanks)

02.56am

I called it

00.55am

Found out I have to head to suntec tomorrow again, and was bummed cause it's going to be super crowded and it's GV finals I have to catch it (actually I might delay telecast again cause this heart cannot take suspenses)
But on the bright side-
I have a chance to see kb94 for the first time live and idk what to feel about it he feels like a longtime friend but I have literally never seen him irl
Oof

Had a random hmx day today carolling at two places, got to play in fake snow and had santa giving us snacks and one precious little girl gave me sweet out of nowhere I love her
The xmas spirit was lovely in the neighbourhood and the organiser was so nice
I love how all these days I planned to be alone turned to be hmx filled
Except later today I might be alone screaming internally over kb94 but that'll be the best way I guess

+==edit==+
01.20am

Ok if he sings Luluh I will cry on the spot probably so im half hoping he doesnt but also hope he does idk ok stop thinking bye

+==edit==+
02.21am

Okay why am I not sleepy today
Ok it's cause I made myself nap for 2 hours in the morning lol I am understanding myself more everyday

+==edit==+
10.31am

I am still a morning person today despite koing at 4am so thks body clock

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23.43pm

Didnt expect to be feeling so many emotions today I thought I would be having a mediocre day but no
I have too much things going on I had to sit down in silence to clear my thoughts and process it one by one
Bye humans dont talk to me for the next few hours I just cannot comprehend the highs and lows and the wths and the omgs I am merely a being who is bombarded with feels and things to contemplate about
Oof

08.16am

Is it the air in the universe or is it just my body clock or is it my lifestyle I am quite curious why these cycles exist but apparently now im a morning person haha k

+==edit==+
08.34am

Finally giving into grabfooding cause I cant be bothered to move not this morning
I appreciate people trying to say nice things but psht i'm a professional but also im mE I dont care enough
But thanks for going out of your ways to say nice things
Times like this I get reminded who knows me in which ways cause can tell by their reactions- some help me express anger, some say nice things, and of course my personal favourite, they let me be HAHAH because they know i'm beyond the mortal realm (this doesnt sound dodgy at all)
Being there for someone in just the right way is so hard and i'd even say lucky cause no matter how hard we try sometimes it's just not what they need despite your beautiful intentions
So if you have those people just know u blessed
Also this post makes me sound bad hahaha im not saying I dont need nice words the world needs a bit of everything im just intrigued by the variety of coping mechanisms/reactions other people have for me
Yall have a place in my life I do not deserve great people but im also great so it balances

+==edit==+
13.26pm

I just experienced dreaming within dreams like inception but so many times that I was like "Not again"
Oof
Also very late to meet somemonix but all of them late also except 2 good kids so
My first carolling session this year?!
Mygosh

00.49am

Have you ever dreamt even for a moment, being in my place?
Visualising the bittersweet happenings noone knows about
Maybe later you too will know,
How it feels to face constricting words
Your fort won't hold strong either- No considerations
This sorrow is risen by the night,
These difficulties can only be expressed through my soul
If only you were sincere in trying to understand,
I wouldn't be avoiding you.
And my story, being far from the end,
Will just add on to the heaviness you see
Thus I choose to keep it all in
I decide
To keep it all a secret

A need to give meaning to these words
A need to embrace each second
A need to both be present and absent at the same time
Oh the joy

+==edit==+
02.30am

It feels so weird to sleep in an empty house like sleeping is a waste of time sure but sleeping in an empty house is a waste of timE And Space !!!
Like I can build a birdhouse right now but no apparently sleep is necessary
I try I will probably wake up in an hour again but hopefully not
OH wait I forgot I have a morning meeting omg

+==edit==+
03.07am

That was not even an hour pls lol

+==edit==+
07.40am

Kay I managed to rest
Woke up with messages of me accidentally promoting hmx on the newspaper HAHAH
Ok so when I saw who came to interview us I was pleasantly surprised cause i've always heard about her (Basically Mdm Haryani Ismail) and was quite interested to see how she conducts interviews
Very warm and efficient but also can tell how experienced and skilled she is
I mentioned hmx in passing im sure it was recorded audioly but like she'd still have to google and find out the spelling all (harmonix is not a commonsensical spelling for non winx club lovers jk)
So yes respect to ladies (she came with another lady, didn't catch her name aishhh) who knows their craft
Also wow I love seeing our name on the newspaper D:
Idk if any of them will catch it themselves but im not telling
(if youre reading dont tell also ok hahaha)
But hi am I awake for good who knows

+==edit==+
10.58am

The universe knows best haha I have been on the fence about inviting hmx but I just saw the full article and realised they revealed who performs when so like
No wonder my family knew pffssht ye I didnt even tell them hahaha
But also I feel so bad to make them come to a crowded place just to see me sing 1 song
But also I know i'll do the same for them

+==edit==+
13.56pm

I think i'll need a nap who ask my brain to wake me up so early
But also the support im getting is overwhelming bros I cannot deal with it now I just need lunch okay

+==edit==+
22.42pm

This is a confusing feeling!!!
Embracing it fully though
I feel like crashing but I also need food
Very very happy to have the people who came be with me though I wouldn't have had it any other way ♡
I am sleepy it's cause I woke up normal human timing

01.12am

Of course sad that my family is going on a holiday in a few hours but insyaallah everything happens for a reason
I was okayish with it until I saw them all packed smaowjxolebcii3mw
Had a really lovely day because why do you want to know why
We watched HSM
HSM is beyond 3D or 4D it's unquantifiable
I feel like im forced to be professional but also im very fredmer and will not follow rules
^ this doesnt really have a context for now but i'll probably update with more news

+==edit==+
03.55am

It is cold again

+==edit==+
05.11am

So the fam just left for the trip and I actually shed a tear waving them goodbye people this is not ok
Had been looking forward to this for months but He is the best planner
Again, consoling the heart knowing that im lowkey working
May they have the funnest safest trip ♡

+==edit==+
07.21am

I should stop telling people I have a blog hahah this is literally just a daily dear diary I love alliterations
I wonder if being home alone will reduce my self care by 70 due to sheer minimalism
Like do i really need food do i really need a drink do i truly need to talk to people hm
Do whatever feels right I guess
Time for breakfast?!
But do i really need food
Ahaaha jk lol bye

Also my song selection for the semi finals were helped by mama and somemonix so from here on out it's their responsibility to make sure I do decently

Also I love that reyrey's new masks have replaced the cross with a crown cause it means I can finally own one and crowns are totally my branding too so like I can and should and must buy one right soon (right now is too impulsive so)

+==edit==+
12.08pm

You ought to know one thing if I wake up to hmx work vs leisure texts im quite likelier to do harmowork first which is so frog but also no offence if I dont reply your texts before I settle things heh

+==edit==+
14.53pm

Not something new but for a nonsensical being I sure do have a no nonsense policy what am I a lawyer

+==edit==+
18.43pm

Lol this random guy just came and tried to give me his namecard in a non normal way excuse you cant a human roam around by herself without being actually harassed I am calling the police
But also usually i'll ignore them but today im feeling generous so I took out my earpiece and said No thanks
Super lame
Boys have so much potential but no they choose to act this way pfft

+==edit==+
20.03pm

Cant remember the last time I had dinner outside alone?? Was one of the best things to do in life
But also who am I eating dinner at proper dinner time hahah
Was contemplating going home but I think I need to get good vibes by going to see (this sentence feels so wrong) hmx

+==edit==+
23.27pm

What an active blogger
Haha
IM home ready to rest
A meeting in about 12 hours so technically spending the whole day outside hais
Excited!!

I wonder if I will ever push you so deep behind in my mind that I will have a day where I will be like "oh wow I forgot you existed"
That would be really cool
But also feels impossible as of now

06.13am

First night in days where im not wearing a hoodie to sleep
Also when i'm not sleeping for an hour
Do u think this will shift my sleep schedule for a bit
Idk we'll see

02.26am

Im so tripped
Woke up and it was like 2am so went back to continue my dreams
It was much much longer than the previous one
But I woke up again and it's only 2.26am now
What even!!!
But more importantly hi me @ me and 1 hour sleeps
Wouldve been a useful power during the semester cause I dont have to set alarms lol

+==edit==+
06.54am

Trying to decide if I want to sleep part 2
I think yes?
HmM ok
Also finally meeting somemonix today
More reunification tomorrow but like who goes to NTU (me for hmx always but still, crazy)
Kay gdnight maybe if I can fall asleep even

+==edit==+
13.16pm

Left home and I just thought of how I finally feel warmth from the sun after a while and then I realised I left my jacket at home
Like thank god there's warmth but also will this be consistent at least for today
Hope sO

02.12am

Happy blessed 22nd birthday cena!

I pretended to fall asleep but really did
But of course im awake an hour later who am I
Did you know I purposefully missed the live streaming of GV last night and decided to wait for the results then watch it afterwards
Regardless Astro was so close to the dream Finalists
I will rewatch when I feel like it I guess
Im just at ease knowing Hady got his rightful place once again
Excited and nervous and all for the finals
Idk if im going to sleep again

+==edit==+
02.31am

Things I forgot are nice during cold days
Hot tea- Guys I FORGOT the power of warm drinks
Laundry fresh off the dryer- I am covered in a second layer which is the warmest jacket right now
Obviously im not an experienced colder

+==edit==+
04.57am

Did I mention chiqa is the best I probably did hahaha
When I was sleeping I felt her stroke my hair so cute im telling u she is my older sister
Then she gave me a sample of her new favourite food
Now she is giving me snacks at 5am in the morning
Dont ask why she's awake she's obviously related to me

+==edit==+
19.28pm

I think it's the end of year feeling but im feeling extra free and yolo even though I feel that everyday of the year
But like double that dosage
I love it though I feel freest and most at peace which in turn affects my livelihood (this is not the word) I mean my lifestyle
What a cool concept in life
I hope people are also feeling this inspiring peacefulness and happiness for no reasons at all

00.03am

Accidentally watched Jumanji but also watching a movie with no expectations is always great thats why I love watching no named movies and be pleasantly surprised
It was funny lol I cant remember the last time I laughed so much watching a movie in the cinema
Ok maybe cause all I ever watch are horror movies nothing to laugh about there
But also I love the rock what a charming loser
Ok bye

+==edit==+
03.12am

Watching batista videos in lieu of his hall of fameness and I just
I grew up with legendary badasses which makes me one too by default
How can people ever compare how can a random simon be as cool as batista ever was????
They cant
Ugh

+==edit==+
03.40am

I uh im seeing this simplified quadratic equation formula thingy and im just so so so so happy I dont have to do math anymore
Like everytime I realise it the joy is so immense which is sad cause it meant I was FORCED to do it for too many years

+==edit==+
05.32am

Me the past few nights is me in life generally
Cant decide whether I want the fan on or off
(in ways more literal than we think oof)
I dont know why im spending so much figurative time with people who havent earned it
Do they really have to though earning is such a dirty word noone owes anyone anything
But today will be a fully family day so im looking forward to it

+==edit==+
08.42am

Hey I thought the raininess is supposed to make me sleep better
Also may god protect us from people who mean harm, and strengthen the relationships with those who mean nothing but good for us
Insyaallah

+==edit==+
12.46pm

Secondary school life will always bring bittersweet feelings
I knew then that it would be one of the best and worst years, that the intensity and drama will only last within the 4 years and it certainly did
Didnt know exactly how much it'd mean to still look back many years down the road and still feel everything vividly
Im the gladdest that I have north pole as a sign that we did it together
Would do it again in a heartbeat (but also cause MI was a waste of time so it puts christ church in a better light automatically hahahaha)

+==edit==+
16.15pm

Honesty and acceptance takes courage and I dont think I lack it at all
What about those who do
Can courage be learnt of course it can
Why am I thinking this now I should be getting ready
It's too cold bruh mr sun pls come back and warm our souls

00.55am

Hahaha seeing all these loser snowman instatory tag
I love how hmx has no other friends so they tag each other
So pure eh it's really like a childcare where i'm at

+==edit==+
03.52am

Wew is it 3am or 3pm hahhaha I have no sense of time
Perhaps cause my whole fam is awake ahahah
But also I knew I would wake up very soon after falling asleep that's my current aesthetic
Eh

+==edit==+
06.12am

It is 6am and I just got reminded regarding the existence of Lavender roses and I just
How
How can something so epic exist
Bruh

02.50am

Ooo how is this possible
Fell asleep I guess around 12.30am, had a substantial dream about hmx and thinking it was at least 6 or 9am waking up to it being 2.50AM
Shook
But also hi time to hydrate myself I want to prevent sore throat again
(the dream really felt like it couldve lasted me the whole night hahah so cooool)

+==edit==+
16.47pm

Idk what im feeling now hahaha like both excited but more so "Whaaaat am I doing"
Isnt that the best feeling actually, not having a direction and letting the waves take over
Yea interesting

+==edit==+
18.18pm

Hais asking my fam for help regarding song choices and theY're not helping hahahaha giving me all the high songs
Not today man imma chill
Also less than 3 hours left what I am so unprepared also
Is my Stars wars today hahaha i have no idea

+==edit==+
23.43pm

I survived!
It was quite fun I frogot how much I love applauses hahaha
But also my throat is not hurting anymore after bby chiqa made me lemon drink
Still cant control it fully but I have a week to rest, choose song and rehearse
Or am I going to pull another Me and not choose until hours before hahahaha might be eh unless they force a song choice
Okay brb

05.46am

This rest day couldnt have been at a better timing
Truly needed the physical and spiritual rest
Acquire health and balance again

+==edit==+
14.50pm

Darkness is more visible than light
But that's not entirely true
It's hard to spot darkness within darkness
And light among lights

+==edit==+
19.18pm

Sometimes you relearn things about yourself that you forgot along the way

+==edit==+
19.47pm

My vocal cords are still tired zz I rested it a few days but obviously it wasnt fully recuperated cause it got ruined after just a few songs at the airport with miloil
Cant even rehearse without saying sorry to myself

06.52am

Happy birthday reyrey ♡
How are we surviving 2 days of saying goodbye to hmx - and get this, in the morning at Changi Airport
Even though we all looked like tortured souls I love that they all come together just to give each other more hugs ♡
I hope it's a culture that never changes
Also goodluck to us waking up in less than 2 hours
K goodnight no idea if i'll nap or nah

+==edit==+
11.54am

Exhausted, this kind of tired can be pushed but what for but also hahah
Also snippet of thought that we should do things without expecting anything in return- hopefully the disappointments gets replaces tenfolds by things you'd never have thought happen to you insyaallah
Again, tired

03.56am

Naise after a day of slight hibernation it's back to 2 hours of sleepage (almost 3 tonight ayy)
Think i'll stay up, my alarm will be ringing in 2.5 hours so
Went to sleep thinking how weird dreaming is and that I would want to skip the whole falling asleep process and skip straight to the dreams because you lose sense of time and you could very much start dreaming 14 minutes into your sleep but it would feel like forever
Had lucidish dreams but I cannot remember the content except I think I was thinking "Oh i'm finally dreaming"
Hahahaha
Ok

09.17am

Would probably sleep rest today
But I also wont be surprised if I woke up in an hour or two AGAIN
At least I have harmonix activities to do ehhee
Rest though lol
Had a lovely day ♡

+==edit==+
19.27pm

Humans should learn that they have equally as much control as they don't
Stop playing god but also stop acting like you have no power
Just stop hahaha jk idk why I brought this up
Am very bummed to have missed deta's farewell party tonight but she has gave me the green light to rest at home
Just thank you universe for bringing people from around the world back home to hmx, though the goodbyes suck, it's always better that it happened at all
Also the world can be small we're all a flight away
Hehehe loser hmx ♡

+==edit==+
20.57pm

How do I suddenly have responsible singing to do in a short span of time
While my throat needs the most rest hahaha but it's ok insyallah all will be fine
I miss hmx already

+==edit==+
21.29pm

I always feel bad when I perform nonsensically and people say I did good like sure but trust me no eww
Artistic integrity hhaah jk what am I doing I should try and sleep early morning tomorrow

01.42am

Words cannot describe how thankful I am for Hmx
For agreeing to attend and run this festival alongside the organisers
For keeping up the familial spirit
For staying lively despite it being a long day
For constantly looking out for each other
We're surrounded by love
The walk back with uncle jem remembering how far we've come was the perfect end to the day
Thank you hmx for existing
Crazy loser frogs why am I part of yall (ok fine need some coolness to counterbalance the losers)

+==edit==+
05.54am

Ironic screaming
Actually why
Really living on 2 hours eh hahaha ok I either stay up and be a morning person and nap later or
I just go back to sleep

+==edit==+
12.06pm

Oof go against natural tendencies and you feel the brunt of it
Also I think it will continue being a pet peeve when people ask questions when the answers are right there
Like wake up

04.51am

If I had entertained my consciousness earlier I think i'd been up even earlier
That was a nap I can slep for 5 more hours if I wanted to pssht hello

+==edit==+
04.57am

Does chiqa have a sensor or what she just appeared infront of the door to disturb me
Also why is she awake still!?

+==edit==+
22.21pm

Im exhausted but hmx is too family for me to leave them also if I do who am I
This life habit gtg but I think as long as im not feeling harmed I should be great
Needa rest my throat majorly though it hurts ok ah more like tired and strained and it shouldnt feel this way now out of all the times in the world

08.06am

What is this unlimited energy

+==edit==+
08.19am

Oh no
I know i'm not tired but I also don't want to leave home
But I guess that's why the universe made me this way so I have the energy to run errands
It's ok, I have the whole day to rest at least from noon onwards (hopefully)

+==edit==+
17.45pm

Forgiveness sometimes don't encompass direct redemption
We just don't have that guarantee
Human's hearts changes too quickly for any of us to be sure of anything
We are all living in literal blind faith but
What's so bad about that?
The ability to move on despite a hurting heart is one of the best feats mankind can execute
That's why so many loses the battle

+==edit==+
21.22pm

Alhamdulillah things are sorta sorted (hahahaha) now
Just need to think of whether to print stuff or nah I mean save the earth
Im just excited to see what comes out of hmx hosting a festival hahahahaa
Maybe if it goes well we can host an entire one ourselves lol
Ready for funnn and perhaps tiredness idk I cant gauge
But also my vocal cords are quite used I have to rest them more
Kay will try and sleep a bit tonight
Buenas noches

+==edit==+
23.15pm

Since when do I feel nervous lol I think it's just the fact that it's so real
Also that I have equally nothing and everything to lose
But eh
One step at a time, as always
Also Chiqa made me coffee this sweetiepie but she said "You need energy to do the laundry" HELLO BABY are you mama right now why are you giving me job to do

05.39am

Lovely evening, thankful for this group and Earl :')
3 days to voices and i've never felt this prepared to perform for a big event haha there's usually 1 song that i'm like ehh about but this time round i'm just ready to have fun
Must be the veteran factor (and the group is fun hais how is today our last rehearsal life will be weird without seeing them everyday every hour)

+==edit==+
09.51am

Breaking news idk why and how i'm awake before my ironic alarms but that's a thing

+==edit==+
13.40pm

Ya Allah make me someone who always assumes the best from you and your plans
No matter which direction I step in- right or wrong, you continue building new pavements
All I have to do is keep going
Yay insyallah

07.30am

Inconsistent is the new consistent
I thought saying goodbye would be easier but nope it's as hard as the first one
Why do hmx let in exchange students who makes us love them and then leave us after barely 3 months who allowed them
It didn't register that she was leaving until the grouphug at the end ugh I hatemonix who ask them to be so precious NOT ME
Another long day- who am I kidding, week ahead
I hope people stay patient with my schedule

+==edit==+
12.32pm

Quite unprepared for the Carnival but eh things will go well insyaallah
On the contrary I feel the readiest for voices at this period of time than ever before
Think this time last year we were still unsure how Bohrap was gonna sound
Ok maybe just cause we did that song hahaha but worth it

+==edit==+
16.06pm

Yeboi back to 2 hours sleep and 1 meal a day lifestyle and impending fever every day (only because the weather is too cold)
Again, can only push myself for hmx if I had anything else you can bet i'll not even

00.56am

Just got an email that made me snaiswpmd
Noone knows what the future holds but may hopes and prayers get us where we want or need to go insyaallah
(ok by just I mean like 8 hours ago)

+==edit==+
04.12am

Oh no I forgot that I already slept at like 10pm-11pm
It is... 3 days to a full hmx weekend and im stoked for it!

+==edit==+
06.09am

Just a sudden thought about how much I love backstages and dressing rooms probably as much as I love the stage

+==edit==+
10.26am

I set my alarms ironically (ranges from 9.33am-10.06am) and actually woke up from every single one
How did that not happen throughout the semester

+==edit==+
15.58pm

It's so easy to use "Minding my own business" an an excuse to keep quiet about injustice, or blatant wrongdoings especially when it concerns our own friends and livelihood
I've always despised adults who chooses to keep quiet over things they have the power to change and I hope I will never be one of those idiots because they have so many invalid excuses for themselves
But when it comes to matters like interfering in your friends' (toxic, abusive, whatever it is) relationships etc, it's not as easy I guess but literally nothing is holding me back
It's simply irrational
Ye I know some things are too risky but then don't complain over the vicious cycles that will keep happening because of people like you who chooses to be in your safe bubble

sometimes I dont agree with myself but that's a mark of a rational mind I guess also im LATE FOR REHEARSALS I have 57 minutes to reach pulau ntu

06.32am

Parallels man, yesterday my day started at 6am today it is ending at 6am
Hahaha ok brb im sending content to the group
Im very sad that Roy is eliminated this week both MLM and GV are wrong they eliminated Jambus and Roy which are by the rational sane human mind NOT the weakest ones in the competition
So like wake up but also I believe in rezeki- perhaps something better is waiting for them beyond the shows
Will always support them and that is what matters!
Had a lovely rehearsal actually, I feel readyish for Voices which has never been felt before hahaha
Hashtag trust
Ok yes I have to send content
I love you Roy please continue making music for appreciators like me
I was genuinely pleasantly surprised when Wann and Sham got it like I scramed-surprised like totally did not expect that despite hoping for it
BUT ALSO I WAS UNPLEASANTLY SURPRISED WITH ROY'S ELIMINATION astro u suCk

How is it Merry December (06.23am)

Look at me sleeping by 1.30am and waking up 4.5 hours later I can jive with that
(Ok I just checked I fell asleep 2 plus instead but still, about 4 hours of solid rest)
Had a lovely day and seeing baby chiqa so sleepy was so funny
She didn't sleep and claimed she wanted to be like me
The ONE thing she shouldn't take from me she did
But to be fair I think she does have the nocturnal gene
We were walking to esplanade (why am I always there I was there yesterday) but ended up going into the national gallery
Managed to catch a short performance by ohnoiforgotthename perhaps it is singapore symphony orchestra I cannot recall but it was really good!
There were instrumentalists and classical (opera?) singers and they were each great at what they did
Entered and roamed around a bit where elephant proudly said "Omg SR Nathan" to a picture of Yusof Ishak everyone please attack her for it
I had to leave halfway to meet Yol cause the fam wanted to continue museuming
Had a lovely catchup session, perangai memang sama but she is goldfish
I think we walked literal through and fro suntec like 17 times
I finally brought myself to try omoomo and oof it was nice
Then we wanted dessert and because the Marina square Mccafe betrayed us and disappeared without warning, we settled for coffee bean instead and like some fishermen we bought 3 different kinds of dessert what is this
I showed her the last episode of Cemburu seorang perempuan and she stress hahaha everYone same emma did really well in this one!!!
Road closures aplenty, I reached home about 1230am and didnt stay up too long wow the only way to regulate my sleep schedule is to exhaust myself weeks in a row but eh I enjoy it either way
Ok, I have rehearsal in like 11 hours so I have 11 hours to do nothing by nothing I mean HMX work
Kay have a lovely day ahead it is exactly a week to voices

+==edit==+
11.25am

Mama MADE french fries what even
But also I cannot handle the fact that GV is tonight
Can I take the elimination round idk really depends on their performance eh
I mean Jambus got eliminated from MLM this week and I am so offended but hopefully it just pushes them onto better things
Im mentally prepping myself for tonight JIAYOU MY TALENTED GRANDFIGURES
Also I keep feeling like I want to nap because im not used to this schedule yet but everytime I try to I realise im not tired at all
Circadian rhythms are so weird and doesnt make sense

10.26am

Oof the exhaustion is real
I like how i'm the busiest during the holidays when everyone else is the freest
What was supposed to be a planless saturday is turning into a whole day affair how is this possible
Had a cool day with somemonix yesterday, the Gala event's audience came up to us one after another to praise and say nice things and I feel too humbled I think i'm out of thank yous (hah fake)
Also I am still confused over how I can wake up so easily from my ringtone but not my alarms but I also know if I change my alarm to my ringtone my subconcious knows and will refuse to wake me up
Also I saw a video of Stone cold interviewing Undertaker and kayfabe is too dead im disappointed but it has also always been my dream to hear things from taker's POV
They're both so legendary and I can't wait to listen to the whole podcast
I have to choose a song to sing!!!
Bismillah for today

01.05am

I find the concept of instastory so intruguing cause like what goes through these people's brain while selecting what is worth being seen only for a day
Like little complaints all as if I care
But whatever I don't thats why I dont watch them ahahahha hashtag boomer jk im generation hsm

+==edit==+
05.23am

I am a very unprepared performer
Excited that there's a dress code but black tie is crazy heavy we have no idea how far the guests will take it
I gave up looking for outfits since Wednesday but now that it's the day I think I have to go and buy it (and heels) before heading to the performance venue
In other news the family festival is finally here!
Am very excited and thankful that my Harmonix gets to be a part of such a meaningful event- raising money for children's homes :')
I should rest a bit but I am so awake

+==edit==+
08.49am

Failed to sleep actually I didnt even try
I dont know why listening to On my way home made me so emotional I felt like revisiting Remembrance
And ohhh gosh the feels are a shot straight to the heart (I think I have one)
Like how did a group of frogs (plus me) come together to portray such a weird, emotional, nonsensical, crazy production filled with so much heart I have no idea
Everyone's soul peppered the stage so rightly it made everyone feel good- onstage, backstage, offstage
Some may never know but their very presence MADE the show
Like I said, I can never thank everyone involved enough
This time round words fail actually I didnt even try
Kay I should either nap or stay up and get ready in like 45 minutes

+==edit==+
08.58am

Big oof
Just went through my email and found my annual birthday email to myself this year still unread
WHY DO I KNOW THE BEST THINGS TO SAY im both happy and annoyed cause past me told me to do my assignment but it's ok there were more meaningful things
She even asked how the carnival planning was going and lo and behold- TODAY IS THE KICKSTART!
Ah I love myself what a creature

18.54pm

Just got home from an accidental sleepover hahaha ironic
Ok lies im still walking to my lift but
Ok edit soon I missed you blog even though I talk to you everyday

04.58am

Looks like my day has started
Fell asleep before midnight and in another "what time is it" frenzy as I woke up, I realised it was 3am
So now it's almost 5 and I have things to do so I shall do them (more like a want not really a need) (the thing I need to do, I don't want to do hahahah)
Voices formation and I want to tear my wardrobe apart cause now all I can find are non wearable outfits so I must rearrange
Meeting bingbong in 7 hours to buy stuff for performances and events
Excited about the events to come but also it means Voices is in 11 days
With 4 rehearsals left, will we progress in time to give last year's team a run for their money lol jk
We're not done with one song and choreography for 3 songs so goodluck (same as last year honestly hahaha)
Get ready to hustle tonight huhu okey bye pls behave everyone

+==edit==+
08.01am

I've been wanting to do actual puzzles the past few weeks and almost bought some to do but it was weird to buy puzzles for myself (not really)
But I think I might want to make my own dreams come true
Puzzles
Also I thought I wanted to nap like half hour ago I even set alarms but right now im just up

17.45pm

I have blanked on what happened after I reached home last night and ate supper
Like what time did I sleep
Was I conscious at 2am
Did I wake up at all through the night
Do i feel well rested now
Who knows

08.56am

People: it's bed time
Me: perks up
It's the internal rebel im telling you

+==edit==+
18.11pm

I just want to go home and do hmx work not anything else

04.56am

My great plan was to sleep as soon as I got home and then wake up early for the breakfast meeting
But my great plan is not working out
I have time to sleep but im so excited at the thought of meeting hmx (ok jk im excited about playing with makeup it feels so long since)
Kay have a lovely day ahead

ps happy birthday mellysha you are the second yana cause I get confused whether your birthday is 23 or 24 but I try anyway hahahaha

12.21pm

Can I just hahaha I saw the tv after a long time and they made a whole jingle about antibiotics not curing flu
Oh my gosh
It's both cute and sad

+==edit==+
20.12pm

Sometimes people don't learn and you can just watch as they descend into oblivion and all you can do is catch them at the end and be there for or through the healing process
Some people are born to serve more times than they will ever be served
Purpose is beautiful but misunderstood
(if this was real life I would say "like me" and dab)

00.40am

"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." -Oscar wilde

My body loves waking up at 4am cause it feels weird being asleep
But also I have been back into Little big shots and children are so amazing especially when we don't limit their talents
Why is Singapore so loser when it comes to budding young souls

+==edit==+
23.26pm

Having an impromptu sleepover with farrieal who is currently scared to go to the fridge (we're watching a horror movie) hahahaha
Chiqa is laughing at him but she's the same

17.11pm

Why is it that although my mind has been made up there are still strings pulling me back
The weirdest part is the scissors are in my hands
We'll wait and see
Everything happens for a reason

04.29am

Are there any chances that i'll go back to sleep or what
Havent started on the essay except I read the questions

03.53am

No idea what time I fell asleep but I woke up at 2am
Just watched MLM week 3, and I dare say (and I hope) it could be the year of the underdogs
They're bringing freshness
Also as much as I wanted feeza out from GV, I wanted popon out from MLM (no personal vendettas at all they are talented and lovely humans it's just that they got strong competition) and this week both of them got eliminated
I should reply to messages soon lol jk no habla ingles

+==edit==+
19.44pm

I have an essay due tomorrow, and I think I will do it despite having 0 ideas about the topics because I was lucky during the first test so i'll capitalise and try and create a fun and decent essay by tomorrow evening lol (better tonight since tomorrow is hmx day and I wont do work during hmx days)

+==edit==+
21.05pm

Rarely do great people get born from following rules and not creating a slight chaos

01.50am

I could be experiencing empathetic pain
Watching these people made my chest heavy I had to sit down
Hahahah lame
But also get well fast everyone here

+==edit==+
03.17am

This week's GV is amazing guyssss
Hady mirza is crazy and he deserves the top spot
Roy, Wann and Naqiu are just legendary
Jatt, Sham and nurfatima I dont need to say much
Mama shila did really well too
Even the bottom two One nation and Feeza (whose performances I havent fancied since the start) did really good tonight :')
It's semifinals with 9 contestants leh HOW
But also how can they eliminate anyone else after Shila and One nation????
Next week song allocations are trash though lol but eh extra points for the singers being able to rearrange them

+==edit==+
19.38pm

Yoda is already so cute
Baby yoda is too much
What did humanity do to deserve this blessing I dont know

13.05pm

When was the last time I woke up feeling well rested enough to not want to go back to sleep
But also my sense of time is gone days and nights merges into one
Had a lovely day with somemonix yesterday
It wouldve been longer but we are rest deprived people so morning plans were cancelled lol anything for 3 more hours of rest :')
Planned to recuperate again today however I might be going out but I don't really have to
We'll see
Adiosss

ps happy 11th (?!WHAT) birthday my first generation baby farrieal iqim (again, you want to be googleable so here you go) I cant believe you'll be P6 in a month I feel too old seeing you grow old :') ♡

+==edit==+
16.17pm

The only good thing about not being a child is that any expectations we have of ourselves are just that- our own
Noone can make me go to recess at 10am and do silent reading in the morning (not that I follow rules but there still were expectations)
It's a power most of us fail to realise we have, the power of having the power ahahaha meta but true
Humans are just losers, once again
It's ridiculous when one's life is affected so much by another person especially if it's not a good person and nothing worthy can come out of it
Even the most powerful people are just losers who has people they have to answer to everyone else is no different
It's true that the happiest and most peaceful people are the freest, it's because we realise that ultimately, we are only accountable to ourselves (and god)
And once we are taken care of, it's much easier to be compassionate to the world
Because we are all just a part of this universe and being unkind to anything at all just means you're being unkind to yourself
Ironically, being unkind to yourself ultimately means you're being unkind to the people who matters
Life is weird, I love it

+==edit==+
21.52pm

Friendships in uni is basically just secondary school except I care less and more at the same time

01.18am

Heyy I remembered to blog but obviously I didn't
I have a test in like 15 hours so now i'm deciding whether to yolo or at least read some slides lol I know nothing
True philosopher right here- All I know is that I know nothing
Hahaha jk
Had a lovely impromptu evening of stuff
Vivo is my second home confirmed
Alzo happy birthday to the fattest twins on earth anga and elephant ♡

+==edit==+
06.38am

Sleeping schedule is helpless but that's only if i'm conforming to standards if it's my own i'm perfectly fine

+==edit==+
10.01am

I am a morning person hahaha will probably nap at school before going to class or probably afterwards
Brought my laptop after a long time means i'll do things is it
I probably wont but I will also ugh @ myself for the literal burden lol
It ok
Not feeling macs breakfast but here we are until other shops are open hahah

04.40am

The thoughts are looming again
It's weird cause i've always been easily true to myself so like I dont like it I leave it easy as ABC
I just pray for answers if there are any

+==edit==+
05.43am

I thought it was like 3am ahahaha not the slightest bit tired I therefore conclude late nights are only worrying if you have unfun responsibilities the next day
Rewatching old vlogs and hmx is so weird especially after midnight hahahaha who allowed us

+==edit==+
23.01pm

Hibernated the whole day lol

06.59am

I am not sure if I have a presentation in 3 hours
If I do, I better be chionging something right now (lol fake news)
If I don't then I should sleep before rehearsal
Im sO donE

05.35am

Is it worth it
I already been knewn
Ah one step at a time as usual

+==edit==+
21.27pm

I know whenever i'm not at ease, it's because my heart mind and actions do not match
I guess it's slightly harder when your decisions affect livelihood but again for the zillionth time, I dont care enough and I believe in new pathways

00.30am

Oof usually my naps lasts 90 mins but today 4 hours what is this sorcery
Very unproductive day but I probably needed the rest more than I think I do

+==edit==+
03.52am

Finally getting around to checking clips for the music video thingy
Then I found a video of me teaching farriealfarleyaleesya dance and I think one of the worst things humans can do is to underestimate children
Ok bye

+==edit==+
20.11pm

Lost sense of what I wrote here or didnt
But today my prayers got answered and i'm probably pushing through to getting my degree lol
It's such a personal drive thing, since i'm not extrinsically motivated
I will do it because I am accountable to so many people and myself
Because He has put me here despite me being undeserving (if only any of you knew my lack of school ethics- idk if I have ever studied for anything)
Because I remember cikgu siti telling me that this is my amanah from Allah
Because my intentions are sincere and I believe He will ease my way if anything
Bismillah for this newfound motivation, I owe this to myself
See isnt this drive lovely even though I have no idea how long this drive will last hahaha
Ok context I was telling a few people how right now I dont really care if I finish my degree or not
And I know now especially that I have explicitly renewed my intentions, it will get challenging (like my subconscious ignoring all alarms for class hahahahaha I swear it's a legit thing dont @ me)
But ditching school has never been like a serious thought la it was just playing in my head
If nothing feels right then I shall just trudge forward, if I have nowhere to go then any step I take is the right one insyaallah
Ok bye hahah

+==edit==+
23.39pm

Sad is learning Johan isnt a fixed judge for MLM
But also watched GV live for the first time today cause I have gang (agressively texting yol and nab until yol abandoned me during results she is still missing hello)
Really impressive today I love Naqiu and Wann extra tonight
Also one part they showed khai and naqiu on the same screen idk who to look at both too cute
And bunda was scolding the contestants for bad micing techniques im like It me to hmx
Okay I wanna eat

06.42am

Alhamdulillah, all went the best it could have!
I just feel so hosty like I want our guests to feel happy and comfortable and that they're welcome again
And I hope we achieved that
Regardless, am extremely proud of the frogs
Thank you for the trust and love, and for having the heart
Im just upset we didnt celebrate together but young people are always wrong so hahahaha
Anyway I am having a hibernation period before chionging school hopefully if I care enough
Good day

+==edit==+
16.52pm

Was feeling ehhh until I clicked on youtube and saw MLM videos uploaded now im excited to watch it
Also tons of non-hmx things to do which is boo

+==edit==+
17.44pm

I didnt ask to be attacked bruh freaking Jambu coming back with the best nonsense in the world, severly underappreciated and underrated but constantly delivering to those who loves them
I'll always have a soft spot for them

08.23am

Let me tell you I need more rest for now so brb

+==edit==+
09.16am

I think im experiencing when you feel so tired that you cant sleep cause this is wrong

+==edit==+
13.58pm

Got like 2 hours sleep so it's fine I guess
External showcase is tomorrow!
Always mixed feelings cause last rehearsal but also milestone
But this being our 4th ever external showcase 1, I know Hmx always pulls through
May everyone be granted calmness and clarity of mind insyaallah!
Am always proud of every batches, each of them brings something special and we'll always retain pure hearts
Here's to us

00.23am

Three people offended me today
#1 Grab uncle right as I got into his car: why u so happy
#2 Vicky: why is wani extra funny today
#3 Farouq: did you forget your medication
These humans are frogs lol cant a girl be joyful hahaha but also sure thank
Bismillah for everything i'm doing, be it in school or harmonix or anything
I'll need all the strength, patience, kindness and inspiration I can get

+==edit==+
04.01am

How dare I make day plans lol
I feel like cleaning more than I feel like resting
But also I feel like writing

+==edit==+
05.51am

Was ready to sleep when my brain decided on an amazing idea to leave home early and bring myself do things and sleep in school later
Not half bad considering how untired I am but also will I go through with it is it a good idea stay tuned

04.13am

Update on my latest sleep schedule is to nap an hour anytime between 6-9pm and then fail to sleep
I thought I could go to class later but alas I am not a person

+==edit==+
17.26pm

Dont understand why people said Naqiu did bad this week IT WASNT EVEN BAD what are they deaf lol
But also jihan and nabil are so precious i miss that gang pls return soon T.T have a megalawak concert or something i'll go up to KL just for yall you know it
But also bunda HKE's outfit and makeup is too beautiful i need to find out who styled her (PURPLE and glitter hello)
I... am excited to hear Hady sing Luluh cause he will do it justice

01.37am

I fell asleep I thought finally but I just had to convert it into a nap instead excuse myself

+==edit==+
22.44pm

Have always skipped Gegar vaganza cause lazy despite being excited about the line up every year (freaking siti sarah, liza hanim all my old rock otais) but this year's no nonsense line up is quite impressive
Like Hady mirza is doing so well and Naqiu's voice is just melting lol im following close this time round
Have had a solo positivity day listening to how the judges comment on the contestants and dare I say they all generally agree it's feels > techniques, but feels can only be delivered when technique is practiced so well it's internalized
Asdffhjdslso I appreciate good judges
(still cannot accept that Johan is an MLM judge how dare the industry i love him too much)
Ok bye hahaha

15.25pm

Woke up with a fever and it wasn't even the rain we walked in last night
I feel like the short nap I had immediately helped refresh my rational thinking and logic which was impressive
Haven't felt this conflicted in so long because I dont need drama and this was definitely avoidable but I guess sometimes it's fun to let nature take its course as we float inside the coursing river surrendering that we can't do anything much
Lol what am I saying bye

+==edit==+
23.02pm

Peace truly is power

13.15pm

Loyalty does not guarantee anything, yet is a quality we strive to exercise regularly
Disassociate at times to vibe check, but also evaluate smartly
Oftentimes it's about what we can do for people, not the other way round
Sometimes we get too hasty to cut connections, but it's playing safe
I'd rather though, end up being left behind
Losing many times does not mean anything more

+==edit==+
13.55pm

Woke up with a pleasant surprise of MLM 2019 starting!!!!
So heartwarming to see the old gang, but very bittersweet about Johan as a judge like i'd rather see him on stage but he totally deserves to be a judge T.T
And Tauke joining bringing back Jambu's identity I AM ALL FOR IT
Time to binge watch before probably leaving home

ps speaking of binge watching gossip girl is going to be removed from netflix HOW rude

09.11am

Yay slept for an hour and my body thinks that is good
Fake news this one lol

+==edit==+
10.25am

I gotta stop waking up every hour mate what is this bad sleeping technique ahahah

+==edit==+
15.11pm

Hais im in class
Luckily mau and valak are here
Also it's too crowded I am surprised at the number of people who knows me
Aka Polly pocket texted me to ask if I have a pencil cause she has no pencil case im like Bro I dont have pencil case too hahahaha
Whatever i'll get this over and done with then go back to homemonix

HapPy spooky day (08.55am)

Today I got reminded on why and how cabbing became a habit
I can do so many things in a short span of time
And sense of time is distorted cause travel time is halved
Aka im paying mustafa centre a visit before work at 10am so despite it being a high risk sport I still can even consider it lol
Ok have a great day ahead like I plan to!

11.33am

I have been sent for lunch
LUNCH
At 11.33am
Needless to say I declare it naptime I might regret it later when it's afternoon and hunger visits but for now I just wanna rest lol

02.46am

I thought I wasnt gonna work today but I am
Quite impressed over this life schedule but I mean my motto so far if I dread something take a break or cut it off totally
I've been doing that (my tolerance is high so "dread" has to come with genuine unnecessary problems too) maybe that's why i'm still okay with working cause no hay problema
School too hahahahah jk
Like I said, right now getting that degree is more for my family than for myself
My interest remains in learning philosophy and I feel like i'm learning more on my own outside class than the ones I pay so much for (well not me but thanks government)
Had a lovely day, even saw Khali!!!
It was weird to process that she is now a WIFE
I'm gonna go scream now brb ahahah jk
Gotta leave home in 5 hours bleaghhh

+==edit==+
08.04am

Oof didnt want to grab today but obviously exhaustion took over
But it ok i'd rather rest more than be half awake at work lol
May all go well!

11.49am

I woke up exactly at 9am wew
Also dip and pip appeared in my dreams and I woke up to philly's new video naise
K

00.05am

Well that was a lovely evening of family and food!
Though I was lowkey tiredish I was just chilling by the pool for hours so that is cool
Now im gonna try and sleep but the ballingers just dropped baby Luke's birth video so I have to watch it hehehe
Also I think like 6 humans in hmx currently have shiny nails HAHAHAHA including jing yong who is in malaysia loll love it

+==edit==+
18.39pm

Lowkey want to go to muara but eh we'll see
I have about 20 mins to decide ahaha

+==edit==+
19.39pm

Napped and lost sense of time I thought it was 10pm when it was 6pm ahahaha
But also no muara for me this year cause the thought of getting ready is just... no thanks
The night is still young and im tired of sleeping today so idk what will happen OH Maybe I will end up editing

09.06am

Isnt it inhumane to make people meet on Saturday mornings yes it is

+==edit==+
11.33am

I love mornings
Somehow woke up feeling good and well rested, and stepping out the door into the sunshine just energized me further
Now i'm by the bay sipping latte and this is great im just dreading the journey home because i'll be leaving home again in 5 hours to this exact same place
But also I could use a nap
But actually I can just hang out at the library and read or something lol
Actually yeah we'll see then but as of now im enjoying this tranquil experience

+==edit==+
17.37pm

Managed to catch a short nap amidst being productive
Im so lazy to get ready but I want to go to the chalet lol can I just wear pyjamas they're silk (pink but still) I mean I can if I wear makeup and earrings it will look like an outfit hahahahahahaa
I think I must bring my laptop to do work + edit video yay

+==edit==+
18.23pm

Freakin blogger deleting my edits
I cant tell if im tired or not lol let's see how interacting with humans will make me feel
Also totally not bringing my laptop cause heavy lol I was so idealistic an hour ago

00.59am

Okay I did it
I'm resting today hopefully I feel better (I WILL) by evening so I can go for rehearsal

+==edit==+
03.26am

Probably gave my body some false hope of normalcy
When I started my collagen drinking career I was great (1 before breakfast, i'd drink it at 7am and 1 before bedtime, 11pm drink done and I fall asleep soon after)
But alas 5th day and im doing 3pm and 3ams instead ahahaha ok will tryyy to get back on track lol

+==edit==+
11.29am

Oof I felt like I have been asleep for so long but it's only 5 hours ahahah
I have a solid agenda today, let's try and fulfill it lol

04.25am

On one hand very relieved I finally have a restish day today, but on the other hand i'm probably already overworked so this rest is a recovering not a recuperating rest
But also I say ish because I have something on in the afternoon like in less than 12 hours
So i'm gonna not set an alarm and laugh as my body clock wakes me up at 6am lol
(hopefully not okay that wasnt a challenge)
Had a heartwarming hmx night but also my voice is tired lol k good mornight

+==edit==+
18.55pm

Adults can be so daft I cant comprehend
Had a focus group earlier on and it's like, most of them (the outspoken ones especially) speak for the sake of speaking- not answering questions and im just like this is basically JC and university life it's so gross lol k bye im tired and am contemplating cancelling tomorrow's work shift

+==edit==+
21.22pm

That was a nap that made me even more sure I need to cancel work tomorrow
But the other half of me is like It's just 8 hours of work but the other half of me is like I owe myself a break im litrally down with the whole package of fever flu and cough but lol I will get well after sleeping and eating probably
Ok time to charge my phone and idk find food what even

+==edit==+
23.49pm

Ughh I typed the I cant come to work tomorrow message and backspaced it entirely telling myself I can just do it lol I even edited to say i'll come late instead of not coming but I cant even omg

01.40am

Ended up having a lovely day, though right now i'm kinda dreading work
At least because today's 9-5 felt so long (it was busy) but it ended well regardless
And seeing hmx is always nice
Alright i'll try and sleep soon

08.40am

Can we believe I left home early only to fall asleep in the bus and miss my stop hahah a rarity but I blame it on the pouring rain
But also thank gosh I left home early, if I were at home no chance of not going back to sleep
Okay now im figuring if I can make it to work on time lol probably yes

06.47am

Good morning but I have no business being up this early I can sleep an hour more

+==edit==+
12.23pm

Tired and severely understaffed
Oh well just 8.5 hours left
:')

+==edit==+
16.44pm

Afternoon slums are hard
Bu-
Okay right after I typed that I got sent to go out and take stuff yAY fresh air omg
But yes from experience I know my body will be awake once night comes in
Just have to hold on till my break and then idk take a power nap
Right now im more tired than hungry so hahaha
Also today is both bad/not because im working with all 3 managers lol
Bad cause im the runner ew bicycle but good cause I am not severely multitasking since all of them knows what to do
Okay im dragging myself back to the office, turns out someone already collected the package but Alhamdulillah for this well needed commercial break ahahah

+==edit==+
22.32pm

Am in my resting mode!
But far from resting
Probably eating after this and then either sleep before 12 and wake up at 4 to do work or power nap, do work and then sleep
No idea but now i'm just leisuring and waiting for mama to finish cooking ehehe
Work went well despite the afternoon crash but true to belief, nighttime went better
My timetable is full to the brim, ironically just how I like it
Because im such a (wait I hear chiqa listening to Just wanna be with you lol) ok yes where was I
Because I love leaving spaces in my schedule for everyone but also over the years I learnt how to be a squeezer
I will make time but also I shall chill
What am I talking
Let me go sort out a to-do list for myself

01.11am

Let me just bravely define my internalisation process as thinking just enough- not too much, not too little
Had a major crying session with somemonix and as said by chloe, "we've been too busy to cry"
Had a fun week, and today two fun things and one sad thing is happening
Fun 1: Alongtito's birthday!!! Omg last year in his 20s but may 29 bring you success, happiness, love and wealth!
Fun 2: VI.SI.TING. MERLION
Sad: visiting merlion
The only reason i have to do that is cause it's the last day of operations
I dont mind whatever crowd they may be I WILL BE THERE

08.02am

A sleepless night after some time but because hmx cannot sleep
We were so confident that we were going to sleep but  alas
The last human just fell asleep minutes before my alarm is supposed to ring
So I guess I should go get ready first idk we're leaving in an hourish
Revonix today, third year!
Excited to see what they are up to but more importantly seeing hmx huhu

ps survived working every weekdays this week! how HOW did i do that and then go for rehearsals at night but also it was fun I dont mind doing it again lol who needs rest

00.27am

Genuinely thought I could sleep before midnight lol

11.36am

Oof that was well rested I missed all my alarms lol but I woke up before the Going out alarm so looks like im grabbing to work again
Starting to feel the tired but i'd just attribute that to the lack of sleep not the hannah montana lifestyle
Right now im still contemplating if I want to push my work shift by an hour or just push through idk
Happy 10th birthday my chiqatito petite D:
God has blessed us with a literal baby angel and I want you to never ever change who you are we love you too much hehehe ♡
Kay gotta drag myself to get ready looks like im gonna go on time wot m8

+==edit==+
23.15pm

I can bet you the only reason I survived today well  is because I brought the birthday girl along
Closing went well too, the parents picked the kids up on time and they didnt mess the toys up so great job bebies (but also cause chiqa is an extra staff helping us all hehehe)
Got ice cream after work and you know what, it's a lovely end to the day
This week has been packed to the brim I had no time to do things beside being present, and my sleep schedule is just being itself, but it feels okay?
Like this could be a glimpse of a year from now when I have a day job and doing aca in the evening (which might be a lie because aca as a dayjob is the real dream here lol)
I don't feel burned out perhaps because I enjoy what i'm doing day and night, even though I lack self care in many areas
There are compromises, biggest one being not responding to any messages at all because when i'm on my phone I just want leisure
Talking about leisure, Duncan's baby brother IS BORN
So excited for the birth vlog but also I want the family to rest and embrace this moment
Okay hmx weekend ahead!
Am still considering if i'm going to do this timetable again next week, I might not but still

08.37am

Good morning!
I think I managed to fall asleep before 2am I can't tell but nice even though right now my eyes refuse to open I don't feel like going back to sleep
Can we believe today is chiqa's last day as a single digit aged baby I love her too much ♡
Okay here's to a beautiful kind and lively day ahead insyaallah!
Imma go get ready cause I heard mama cooking this morning huhu

01.45am

No idea why i'm doing this at the time im volatile but I officially have a full week ahead
Work in the day rehearsals at night
What is school but also hustle mode on
Am stoked for the week, but I need to rest la ok pls I want to sleep before 2am ok maybe 2.30

+==edit==+
03.53am

Good job
But also I went home to see spongebob and a really really rEally cute green bird plushie (i wished blogger on mobile still allows photo uploads ugh loser)
Apparently it's from angry bird it's a hatchling
It is so cute I had to sleep with it "sleep" lol lie down more like
Like it's too tiny fluffy and cute hahahaha great vocab
Sorry spongebob
Oh oh, the facial experience was goood
Actually today was just good alhamdulillah
Had fun filming for ele's assignment in sChoOl
Look at the effort she put in for one assignment (GOES TO NTU) versus like math hahahaha
Then we rushed to the appointment it was so nice I fell asleep and woke up multiple times cause she played some ambience music and there were water droplets sounds im like Im officially transported
Then rushed to rehearsal we are 4 and we sound good I love passionate people

+==edit==+
23.13pm

Kinda feeling the midweek tired, thanks to my forced human schedule
Not doing anything to my body clock though so I guess i'll just deal with it
Perhaps exhaustion will come and I will hibernate one shot idk what im saying brb

01.45am

Left home because I had an agenda of purchasing another one of a compact powder I got from my aunt cause I misplaced it and it is gOooOd
So with the conception that the brand is cheAp I floated to the store only to realise it's not drugstore at alllll omg it's mid range that's sold in a drugstore
Like she gave us 7 (?) shades of the liquid lipstick and I saw at the store it was 25$ PER PIECE wth
But I mean theyre good and not high high end so I might love it (the mascara is great too and is priced like other mascaras so about 20ish basically everything is 20ish)
Bought the 2 kinds of powders they had and went home and found the misplaced one so yay to extra powders ahahaha
Also unexpectedly full day tomorrow ye even though elephant is making me go to scHool in the morning the only reason I agreed is cause someone is driving us there if not NO CHANCE
Then the facial appointment that up till just now I was still tempted to not go but oh well just do it also I skipped masking this week for that so
Then an impromptu rehearsal with somemonix so yay that will be fun
Okay I shall rest (by rest I mean idk)
Heeh bye

ps i got sushi today finally and i am so happy sO happy

+==edit==+
03.43am

Ye I officially announce the return of nocturnal season where I fall alseep right as people's alarm ring which then wakes me up after 10 minutes of nap

+==edit==+
06.16am

Okay imma attempt to sleep now my alarm will ring in about 4 hours

01.50am

I was ready to fall asleep many hours ago but obviously it didnt happen
I have to remind myself on free days like these that I have academic work to do to make sure it doesnt interfere in my hmx agenda
Priorities lol

+==edit==+
03.43am

I CANT SLEEP i wanted to be fake human again and have an awake being self with zero afternoon tiredness but looks like it's not happening anytime soon
Also im quite excited for the facial tomorrow idk what to expect but also I already miss hmx ahahahahawhat

16.21pm

Unknowingly, I have trudged through everything this week well
I came out on the other side (I think im sick) feeling chiller than usual but also yes it's rare for me to be sick during non-champs/concert period (aka a month before my birthday lol this is a theory my body is getting ready to experience another year round the sun)
Didnt manage to do my test today but moving on, I just have one more thing on my academic to-do list for now before I hibernate tomorrow and go for a facial on sunday (it's my first time ive never been interested but mama is making us go so) (to think about it i'd rather go to the salon or a massage)
Also I found out im in the same class as somemonix why am I happy hahaha but also it feels weird to be in school on a friday except I have hmx around so it's ok
K bye

21.46am

What a trooper
Am on my way home relieved that I finally can have an off day tomorrow
Except I have a test?!? How rude
At least it's not in the morning

+==edit==+
22.22pm

Thursdays feel like fridays with my current timetae so imagine my shock everytime I remember I have school tomorrow
Also what a torturous ride home I am so not well rested

+==edit==+
22.59pm

I SURVIVED YESTERDAY AND TODAY (oh crap I frogot to complete my half done essay)
The test, the sleepless nights and then a full shift
Was sent to do activities today but thankfully thankfully thankfully 1) i had a new colleague to train so i wasnt alone 2) the kids suggested games themselves and everyone knew those games (octopus and farmer???) 3) in the afternoon i was supposed to bring 7-8 kids to the beach but most wanted to stay in so it was left with 3, then two were picked up by parents immediately and the last one couldn't tolerate the heat so back into the comfort zone it is
Closing went fine though I was alonenotreallyhahaha
Ok I am definitely falling asleep anytime soon
I wont set an alarm but I feel like I should just in case
When was the last time I went to school on a friday wth (also again, going to school without a hmx agenda is just weird) 

01.34am

I love how dedicated I can be to things I want to care about hahaha
I just KNOW everytime I go for rehearsal it is futile to bring my laptop or other work because my 1000% focus will be on rehearsal
Finished both songs' choreo today unexpectedly, we just got frustrated over our lack of improvement in sound so we just stood up to dance and wallah
Have an inhumane test in 8 hours time, I have 0 knowledge and currently still considering taking mc but like I want to get it over and done with which I probably will
I mean 2 marks is better than 0
(If this was pure philo I would have no worries at all my bullcrapping abilities can save the day)
But it's lOgic
So everione welcome to cry ironically over the paper with me while I attempt to read up on it and end up deciding resting is more important and then sleep
Okey buenas noches, have a lovely day ahead!

+==edit==+
10.51am

Nothing to say but Alhamdulillah
I survived the paper and needless to say I ran away from class
So now I just have to wait 7.5 hours until Hmx starts  and I have 1 essay to write so like do I brunch before humans swarm koufu, and then nap then do work or do I brunch and watch WWE I think all at once is good sleep while eating while watching things but also jing yong and I slept at like 5 plus because we couldnt stop laughing over idk what so nap might be in the agenda

01.02am

Feels like it's been some time since I do my bedtime routine just to start my day
Very unproductive today, ok I tried to read the slides but it is ughhh I was seriously considering dropping the mod I even subconsciously opened my outlook to email the course coordinator to reMovE mE but alas I decided to try again
Im not a persevering human unless I care enough (debatable) and this is lowkey math so obviously I dont care enough lol
But logic is cooler than math I just hate memorising and applying formulas ok bye
My definition of essay writing is lying down with my phone and typing 2k words on word and then using my laptop to add citations and upload to turnitin so right now im attempting to start writing and finish the essay hopefully the fact that the deadline is still 22 hours away is not deterring me from completing it pronto

+==edit==+
01.51am

About 20 minutes of writing and I got 1.1k words down lol you go girl
(But also perhaps I should read the readings to make sure im factual ahahah)

+==edit==+
09.51am

Hahah how am I up "on time" for class without an alarm I think I slept at like 5 plus
My first thought was "wow if I got ready and grabbed I will actually be IN class for the first time this semester"
Also people should stop telegramming me omg of course unless they ask to be ignored
But also after all this, i'm probably not going for class

04.11am

Oh I frogot to mention I didnt grab to eatgo's place that morning okay huhu

+==edit==+
14.39pm

Supposed to be productive (my body woke me up at 10am which is a good working time idk fake news but still) but it was dark outside cause raining so of course I wont do work
So I have two tests this week which is the most tests in a week i've ever had in my almost 4 years of uni life
And an essay due tomorrow night
I havent done assignments in so long hahahahahah this is gonna be funny
Ok bye

04.51am

Ohaiyooo
I definitely need more rest than this pls

+==edit==+
16.49pm

Still cant believe yesterday happened

It's the big day! (00.41am)

In 10 hours my dearest eatgo will be someone's wife
I can't sleep but I blame it on the nap I took earlier
But ok future me might hate me but right now im just- not even anything much on my brain except the food in the kitchen
But yes my heart is beating fast cause nerves
May everything go smoothly
Bismillah!

+==edit==+
05.49am

No idea how long it took for me to fall asleep
Wanted to give up a few times and play a video to lull me but I managed to sleep on my OwN wot m8

+==edit==+
22.55pm

Homed, tired, and assignment loaded but with a full heart
Entered gardens by the bay for the first time tonight and what better first time could I have than for eatgo's wedding photoshoot!
I really loved it in there though have to definitely go back and take my time exploring
Today went well, alhamdulillah
Tears were shed and laughters were shared
Nothing much has changed and I hope it continues this way
May you both last forever and be blessed with health, wealth and babies eheheh jk no pressure
Love you ms green tea D: ♡

15.53pm

On my way home and tired, grab was 5$ but I have managed to resist that temptation cause tomorrow morning confirm I grab to eatgo's place cmon (lowkey challenging myself to not but...)
Ran last minute bridesmaid errands with nellyol after eatgo left to prepare her side of things
Now I gotta go home and rEST

ALSO PTX COMING SG wth took them long enough

+==edit==+
23.11pm

About 11 hours 48 minutes left to the solemnization
We are not readyyyyy but im just gonna force myself to sleep now

05.23am

Ok past week my body clock has went back to the extreme again
Kinda wished it stayed mainstream a bit longer
I gave myself goosebumps singing today cAUSE haunted song but it was such a cool sensation I never thought I could give myself chills
Had a lovely day- ran errands with ms eatgo and then hmx
Ended up staying back for secret hitler after so long but they sUCK so i dont friend
Currently contemplating if I want to eat or sleep straight
Ok idk

03.41am

Did academic related stuff for the first time this semester
I love how we were groaning but when it was completed and we were going to do harmowork suddenly so enthusiastic and intense ahaha
Do things that make you happy eh
Jing yong and I are suffering from the same pains and cravings and google says it's pregnancy
But it's definitely a karma since we keep asking for other people to birth Hmx babies and we were reminded of how not easy pregnancy is HAHAHA jk we blame the activities we were forced to do yesterday
Ok gotta be up in 7ish hours

Merry october (06.48am)

4 days to eatgo's wedding

Also tell me why my body clock just completed 1 REM cycle and then is not allowing me to sleep again
Literally 2 hours of sleep and an epic dream I abruptly woke up from and has the least recollection about
Let me go back to sleep pls brain

23.50pm

Have I not blogged I lost sense of time brb

04.22am

Should probably sleep
Had an impromptu trip to the airport last night to send someone off and got home about 2 hours ago
Then I found out I have to reach the west by noon
Which in non-west time means I have to leave home by 10.30am and be up by 9.30am

+==edit==+
05.50am

On the steady path to late sleepage but I could still squeeze in at most 3 hours of rest
But duncan is so cute

+==edit==+
09.24am

Has gotten epic dreams the past 2 or 3 nights but havent recorded them down just cause of the sheer amount of details it has haha
Also look at me up and running (jk the only running I remotely do is vocally)
A HMX day ahead, here's to a lovely Sunday!

03.10am

Ended up having quite an uneventful day at work, except the kids were cute (albeit very mischevious) but I survived
Didn't even visit the beach or go near it but seeing Merly made me sad im going to visit you soon okay
It's been a week since Khali became someone's wife, and exactly a week until it's Orton's turn
As exciting as marriages and weddings are, they're ultimately scary too
Growing up anything your parents do wrong you can still escape saying "I didnt choose my parents"
Now you have no excuse
May mankind learn to be kinder and more loving
Insyallah I have no qualms at all about their choice of life partners! ♡
May Allah ease all their affairs :')

Another chill day for me surprisingly
Im avoiding responsibilities as much as I keep updating my to-do list
What is this
It's ok to have down weeks months or years hahahaha shrek didnt need school jk

+==edit==+
12.50pm

So weird, my 'living' bout disappeared as my lifestyle change disappeared
Is it cause I have less to lose thus I don't have to actively choose to be a person
Either way as of right now people are not making me happy (not that they do usually) but i'm leaving the negative feelings behind
If only I could bear to do exactly what I want
Just kidding I can and I will

+==edit==+
14.29pm

Also no regrets resuming GG for now, the drama is real

+==edit==+
20.47pm

Isnt it annoying how because of some drunk people grabshare has been discontinued past midnight

11.23am

Kinda wished im not working today but I think being near the beach would make me happy
Might even drop by
Should really start getting ready lol

+==edit==+
17.38pm

Time at work is really passing slowwwly but okay since there's not much to do :')
Just 3.5 hours to go before going home to more work lol I deserve ice cream forever

03.27am

Work shift cancelled again frog
But also a blessing in disguise
I havent had an off day in a while not that I need it or anything but I do have a lot of online things to do
I probably wouldnt start if I dont sit down in front of the laptop (which I havent touched in so long except to transfer media and do hmx planning lol priorities)
Ok I shall rest
Kinda miss being well rested hahaha

+==edit==+
07.02am

Tell me why the day im not supposed to wake up at 6.30am I DO

+==edit==+
22.26pm

So I embraced my off day for the week by ignoring people hahaha
Back to watching gossip girls
I have no patience to watch dramas anymore omg but whatever i'll stop when im bored

03.29am

For the first time in awhile I actually told myself I dont want to sleep tonight
At least not so early
No particular reason,
Just very inspired

+==edit==+
04.06am

Sometimes when people aren't entirely honest with you, you wonder what is it that's stopping them
Perhaps it's lack of trust?
I don't know but I can't mope around feeling shut out
I can't feel left out if I just appreciate what I have been told and am in the loop about
There's a reason for everything,
Not always good reasons,
But still.
If your trust for me reaches a certain limit then so be it, i'll appreciate the much you allow me to peer into your soul
It's just a waste because I have so much to give
Not everyone gets that and it's okay
I'd say their loss and move on
There's no use being upset!

02.56am

The exhaustion is real!
But also idek what time I fell asleep, probably like 8.30pm or so
A brand new week ahead
So much to say about this weekend but the most important one is that; I'm really happy for khali :')

+==edit==+
03.19am

I tried ignoring it the past few days but im genuinely sad about Merly, the heck they warned us A MONTH in advance for!?!?
Definitely gonna visit it as much as I can before it gets demolished
I havent even proved my theory to myself that it faces a slightly different direction everyday (huhuhu monster)
But really, it's not even going to be moved eh "because of its size" HELLO give it to me then
Ultimate frog
The only good thing is everyone is speaking up about how much they love merly so like ehehhee good
But still

00.43am

Day 1 done, I didnt cry eh omg hahaha but also cause I told myself not to think and just bask in the moment
Another long day ahead, and im singing high school musical for the bride and groom's walk in
Dream wedding already
Ok time for beauty sleep
Cant wait to play with makeup soon hehe

+==edit==+
07.17am

I dreamt that I totally forgot to sing for the wedding omg hahaha drama
Ok time to get readyyy

Tomorrow is the day (02.28am)

Khali becomes somewan's wife D:

All the work for nothing huh I was prepping my body clock unknowingly for this crazy weekend but alas, girl is back to normal after 1 day
I'll still try and sleep I cant even bear to mask because that will take an hour and I dont want to sleep after 3am tonight

+==edit==+
09.28am

Am I having pre wedding jitters too I think all of us are hahah
Excited for the weekend ahead
Ironic how the "happiest day of your life" entails so much emotions

+==edit==+
21.13pm

Can you believe my (wow the groom called the bride and everyone is silent hahah) bedtime is calling my name now
Henna night who im ready to sleep
To be fair I already put mine on
Ok im tiredish and ready for my beauty sleep
Also I hate loud instastoriers eugh I dont care about you or people you follow gross

05.11am

Wew
Idek if im not in control or I just cant be bothered to try and control
I think it's the former but ok whatever I shall rest

+==edit==+
10.44am

Had an epic dream
But loser elephant woke me up

++=edit==+
16.47pm

In the process of self discovery it seems fun to let myself do things that surprises myself
Afterall, the more people you become the more you know who you want to be

Less than five days (02.05am)

As of right now im quite tired physically with a lot of to do list that requires my being to be top notch
I already passed my new pre 2am bedtime
But thankfully later is a relatively chiller day
No obligations besides rehearsal but also my agenda is filling up and my self-set deadlines are approaching
Definitely a chaotic period but as long as i'm doing things I care about and enjoy, i'll get over this few physical discomforts loll cmon what would hulk hogan say

01.07am

So the past week I was invincible, but today I ended work feeling tired like my eyes were heavy and my legs felt overused
Idk why also, I didnt wake up tired
Either I worked too much this week or the lack of food today used up all my potential energy and thus rolled over to right now
I'm sleepy but mama cooked so I should eat
But also i'm staring at a wedding card because it's so pretty
And intriguing that I officially have a wedding every weekend from this week onwards for the next 3 weeks
It's not normal (but is exciting) cause it's all my age group humans

Met somemonix today but more importantly somehow the best cheese pizza that was at khali's bachelorette party was there
Also max loves me max is a cat
Work in less than 9 hours- why did I agree to work huh hahaha ok cause ms eatgo also working hehehe we wanted to work together
And then rehearsals at night
I miss singing already
(Cue us saying it felt like we havent seen each other for weeks when it has only been 4 days lolll)
Here's to a lovely day ahead!

+==edit==+
06.28am

Cant tell if it's been some time since, or it's still normal but I fell asleep closer to 2am than 1am
My alarm doesnt ring in 1.5 hours but apparently my body clock thinks it's time to wake up sure

A week (10.12am)

To the official solemnization
Screams

Since ms eatgo doesnt read blogs, it is safe to say that I can blog about our plans today
Ok you know what better be safe than sorry hahaha i'll blog again at the end of the day
Am on my way to meet her to trial her wedding makeup!
And then we're going to meet the other 2 frogcheeses
Excitezzzz

Gentle (10.07am)

You can ripple the water with tranquility or make waves with intensity- either choice you deal with the consequences and the feelings that comes with it
Good morning!
Wished I didnt ask to start work so early but here's hoping it goes well!

+==edit==+
22.47pm

Locked outside my house AGAIN?!?
It's different when I KNOW I didnt bring my keys i'll usually chill out and self entertain but when I KNOW I have it but it's not there THEN it's frustrating like who the frog stole my keys im so annoyed omg
But then again today I have been tested a few times throughout and all those times I managed to just be cool and move on
Now im on the verge of screaming out of tiredness (not really) but my rebellious side refuses to let this one thing get to me so sIKE SUCKER im OKAY more than okay im grander than a grandpa
Doesnt change the fact that IDK WHERE MY KEYS ARE IF IT'S NOT IN MY POUCH IN MY BAG (do u see why it's so frustrating it had to be taken out of two avenues pffft whatever just someone come home fast I have to leave home in 10 hours)
Also im so done being locked out of my house next time i'll just not go home until anyone else is home

09.17am

Oof grab you rude the price plummeted right as I got into a cab
Also I have submitted to being late I shall not resist fate no more
Hahha drama
Here's to making the most of today!

10 days (01.48am)

To Khali officially being a wife
We're not ready!!!!

I have tons of things to do, just haven't started doing them
Hopefully now since Hmx has settled in, work has kicked off and my schedule for the whole week is set, I could try getting on track with some things
Especially school hahaha I have not been a student the past idk how many weeks
But im feeling good about my step forward
Insyaallah all will be well!

+==edit==+
07.47am

I will rise up early when I don't have to but-
Oh wait I have morning class
Hahaha do I really want to go though
Oddly enough depends on location

+==edit==+
23.08pm

When was the last time I left Hmx so early
Haha and needless to say I didn't class again, but it was to meet Khali for moral support as she runs her errands
As she says; tomorrow's countdown is single digit
I instinctually gave work schedule for 930 tomorrow and was internally debating if that was even possible because Thursday mornings dont exist when youre in hmx
But I went through with it and it is proven that my night is peaceful and uneventful so I might be able to do work well tomorrow yay
Again, have to unnecessarily go down to school tomorrow night but im not feeling the travel journey from work to ntu if it's not for rehearsal
We'll see my mood tonight
I need food!!!

01.17am

Had a pleasant day, made decisions I wouldn't usually make aka I befriended (or not) myself by challenging myself throughout the day
I'd like to think I won because learning journey
Time to try and rest

01.20am

I give up I have shut my eyes for 2 hours and right as I manage to fall asleep (like 20 mins ago) I hear noise and now I am awake again
Forcing myself to sleep never works but I will try again ugh frog just cause I have work in 8 hours if not I wont be bothered
Chiqa just asked mama if I already woke up HAHA I love how she knows my bedtime is not now
She's also the only human who is excited to see me she is too precious ♡

+==edit==+
04.43am

I played myself la honestly with the 3 nights of proper sleep my body is experiencing culture shock hahahha
I feel like I havent laughed out loud watching videos for a while but tonight I did which is weird cause I wasn't watching comedy videos haha like genuine moments shared by genuine people I guess
Ok I think I can fit in a power nap but if I dont fall asleep by 6am then forget it imma just get ready

+==edit==+
17.17pm

Maybe my subconscious knows im done but my logic havent accepted the fact

17.20pm

Ended up having a lovely saturday, but now i'm back recuperating spiritually
Be right back

08.41am

As promising as this looks, my body clock will probably readjust itself over the weekend

+==edit==+
23.40pm

Dilemma of a member of the society
Kinda want to be home, alone with my thoughts
Kinda glad i'm not

00.15am

Yo girl thought her work shift is cancelled tomorrow aahhais luckily Joy confirmed with me
I survived Day 1 of Back to work after 2 months!
Had to train a new staff im like Bruh im rusty
But yay worked with ms green tea today hehehe so exciting!
Maybe work was bearable cause it was less than 6 hours
Later i'll be working full shift but if it's anything like today i'm fine
I should rest
Not tired but i'll need the energy to propel me not only for tomorrow but for the whole week ahead

ps work is a great distraction from a hurting heart

+==edit==+
08.02am

Look at me forcing myself to sleep by 1.30am
Weird dreams but it's always so fun

+==edit==+
23.25pm

I think it's my lack of peace in some areas of life speaking but work was quite fun
It didn't feel like a full day though it was busy almost the whole day
Missed making kid friends hehe they're fresh
But also I have a packed saturday ahead but hoping for a more chill Sunday (I was asked to work but it's september holiday crowd leh wo bu yao)
But also ironically when I can hear chaos within me, outside noises are amplified- meaning my no drama policy is currently strongest
Which makes people more irksome because people are not nice and they love to bitch about others and I really really really do not enjoy, appreciate or even want to bother about it
Ignorance really is bliss sometimes
At least I have the weekend to recuperate my soul
I hope so

pps kak nurul is getting married tomorrow; the one I did tons of sleepovers with because she was the only child (and even when her younger sibling was born), my big sister once upon a time although she was evil for always trying to hide onions in the food she's feeding me (I will always doubt her and make her reveal what's inside the rice) I hope her marriage lasts forever, and be blessed and protected always

ppps kak syikin too, im so happy for her for finding Mr right