12.45pm

Taking time off this chillaxing day to say merry new year's eve

+==edit==+
14.59pm

I wanna just tell everyone I see Happy new year because we've all survived the past few months and we're all hoping for a fresh new start
Beginnings can occur anytime but a new year is a darn good place to go

+==edit==+
22.38pm

Im ok but I dont even want to begin to think about recapping the year
All I know is im saving all my hopes, prayers and positivity for the upcoming month.
I'll take it the way I know best- one step at a time

03.30am

I think I just got to accept the fact that I am a night owl again
Usually end of years are busy busy hmx times
Now is busy busy other things but I really am thankful that I even have things to be busy about
I started using new face creams and im glowing everyday I love it idek if it's doing anything but I dont highlight no more hahaha jk ive only used it for 4 days and I think my skin likes it
Spending the whole day editing hopefully the mood comes and stays
I gotta be up in the morning but oh wells not sleepy in the very least

22.43pm

Had a lovely day, ate garlic butter naan which was delicious and the teh tarik was also yum
Then visited mustafa i missed mustafa haish
Happiest birthday mama panda cutie ♡

08.27am

Alhamdulillah, it's Phase 3 day
We've come so far, Allah protect us all insyaallah may we use this healing for good and be protected from illnesses and harm

21.04pm

I got seawater in my phone

04.30am

Potentially long day ahead so why am I not asleep hmM ok fine im night owl and morning bird now
Had a lovely holiday today at the beach, the weather was beautiful and the only bad thing was having to wear mask hahahaaha ew

+==edit==+
11.06am

Nostalgia warms the heart and burns the soul at the same time
Also perhaps sometimes it's wise to forget what time I fall asleep so I can pretend I got many hours
Also I have no strength to move ok fine more of willingness
The only good thing about having a sister who takes FOREVER to get ready is when i want to sleep in a bit more
Also why

+==edit==+
13.45pm

Loathe smokers with a passion i dont care what your reason for starting is
U waste everyone's TIME and pollute my environment
It's unforgivable same as littering

Merry holidays (11.45am)

What is my activity of choice today?
I think im gonna just stay home and maybe watch harry potter I feel like it
Mama and chiqa went out but I cant imagine being among the crowd so no thanks
May everyone be safe and protected
More editing to do but exciting

00.25am

Wah need to spend the next few days editing deadlines are looming
But worst part is im not in the editing mood ok not that bad just not >85%

16.23pm

End of years are bittersweet
But also past few years it's been my busy season
Good
Also lucky i dont celebrate xmas the shopping seems troublesome hahahah i like gift giving but not shopping

02.46am

Im a person who loves looking back at memories and seeing what I did this time last year but nowadays i havent done so because i know it'll be more bitter than sweet and i know im not ready for it
And i'll be ok with not knowing what i did this time last year

06.52am

Aiyaiyai

+==edit==+
22.25pm

Had an enjoyable but exhausting day- more like already tired then lack of rest but bleh rest is for the weak
Exciting impromptu plan tomorrow also a few responsibilities to fulfill

11.09am

@ me waking up ridiculously early everyday jajaja
Exciting day today no idea what's in store but at least got company

03.49am

Not sure if not sleepy or just dont want to sleep
Spent today with macs, cluedo and bingo
Also replying dms on insta which I usually procrastinate hahha

+==edit==+
09.33am

Good morning I am right I am kinda back to morning bird phase where I dont need to set alarm weehee

05.34am

Oh wowzers good morning
Also ive been sleeping without the fan the past few nights cus colddd

07.40am

Even in my dreams I take time to blog
Good morning

+==edit==+
23.53pm

Fulfilling and enjoyable day!
Long time since I saw my vampire side come out aka when I suck everyone's energy out from them and they progressively get tireder as I get more energetic hahaha
Bismillah for our journey!

01.48am

Sometimes im like Why do I watch vlogs why do they entertain me so much thats quite weird
Literally when im upset and alone and have noone to turn to, theyre the only thing making me calm and even smile and laugh
Thanks ballingers

+==edit==+
22.21pm

Have been waking up at 8 consistently
I think im emotionally tired but is it better to feel too much than nothing
We'll see

01.24am

Did a video with bestoe this week and I wanted to edit it today but I forgot where I put my laptop charger and I have no strength to look for it

+==edit==+
08.40am

Honestly lost track of what time I fall asleep what I know is I always end up waking up in the morning

08.08am

The day I can sleep in my body clock wakes me up now
But my eyesss are so heavyy

+==edit==+
14.17pm

After a long time I had almost the whole week straight of early morning to late night plans consisting of 2 houred sleeps no wonder im so tired also it's the pre period period so it's even more exhausting
But it has been a great week filled with joy and new experiences, Alhamdulillah!
But also it's the most intense week ive had since circuit breaker so it has been really exciting
Ended with a bang with Anugerah audition, Toys r us adventure and Meeting STYLO to end the night
Today I rest
I have so many unreplied messages this whole week I had no strength but i'll try
Also explains my lack of proper blogging
I havent even replied to most birthday messages I feel so bad but I will get around to doing it eventually :')
Overwhelming support for AAW for our audition, what I know it it was the funnest best audition ive ever had and it's a sign that im a true blue a cappella singer hehehahaha

+==edit==+
20.29pm

Me this afternoon: what even are naps
Also me: falls asleep accidentally
Oof

+==edit==+
22.06pm

I still do hurt at times, and every time im lowkey like "Again? When will this be done?"
But I got this insyallah.
I have no heart lol this is how we deal with emotions just dont feel

08.21am

This better be a good morning

23.39pm

Happy birthday esposo numero uno
Had a fun day but whole day I was sleepyish lol cheesefrog
Long, exciting day tomorrow so I better get some rest

04.24am

Come thru with the 1 hour sleep body clock yes thank you
Spent my wednesday with eatgo with our passionate labour talk in the middle of movie marathon
Planned to sleep the whole night to recharge for today's full day of rehearsing but couldnt fall asleep until an hour ago and blabla
I can get almost 5 more hours of rest

01.50am

Holidays means I lose track of time lol
We got into the 2nd round of Anugerah hahaha im just excited to audition as an a cappella group for the first time :')
Very last minute but we'll pull through insyaallah

05.32am

Good slept the whole day it should last me a week

01.42am

Oof knocked out again lol but didnt last through the night got about 4 hours of sleep

+==edit==+
02.38am

Youngsters are so cringe
It pains me lol

+==edit==+
20.58pm

Omg I slept the whole day away

06.35am

Whoaaa ended up knocked out but god knows how much my body needed the rest :')
I was shook cause I thought my body would wake me up 2 hours after falling asleep so I had a to-do list including eat dinner/supper but lol

+==edit==+
08.26am

Im extrovert who malas to layan orang how
Also I just accepted water from the organizer
Why did I do that everybody knows I wont drink it
Hungry
Torn between using my phone and saving my battery I just want to watch duncan lolll woes of no longer using portable chargers

+==edit==+
20.50pm

Tired, avoiding content and tired

05.10am

I have a rehearsal with a live band in 6 hours I should sleep

+==edit==+
23.20pm

Tired, but I aim to sleep

02.26am

I get emotional seeing all my friends on fb and insta sharing about tokti's new iconic MV
:')
Also forced someone to watch her documentary with me yesterday lolol spread the love okay
I wish her success and happiness always and may the second already very loved baby grow healthily insyaallah ♡

+==edit==+
08.11am

Slept between 20-50 mins lol dont even know
Woke up from a bad dream but the good thing is the two times I ever had nightmares (and I only got it after realising that ive never had nightmares my whole life lollll be careful what you wish for) I wake myself up while reciting doa or zikirs like soothing myself in my dreams=waking myself up in real life
Hmm jauhkan pls

01.24am

Early to bed and early to rise makes me a non blogger lol
I cant type i have a plaster on my right thumb
Almost secured myself a holiday job but alas not my rezeki this time round
Looks like i'll be busy singing and doing nothing yay

Merry December! (02.27am)

Insyaallah, may this be a month of good blessings and healing, a beautiful ending to a beautiful, challenging year.
Allah keep us in your protection always
I think I slept at 10? Before 10? Who even knows
Keep waking up every hour but I keep forcing myself to go back to sleep for at least 5 hours cause I know if not I wont fall asleep again the whole night
So im supposed to go back to sleep one more time but we'll see
Gotta be up at 8?

02.29am

Im just starting on essay 1!
Aiming to finish around 4am or so
Funny cause the thing that made me excited to do it is I was at the fridge and tokti's song Terang was on the radio and it was so positive im like Yay I can be done with all my work in 9 hours and then party
Also im being kind to myself and doing my essay on my phone cause sitting down on my laptop is not a thing
Ok bye wish me luck
Oh wait today was pleasant!!!
I reunited with los españyol niños, my bahas gang 4 lyfe for syuh's wedding T.T
Feels like years since we met but when we met it felt like no time has passed at all :')
Missed them and cant wait for more catching up!!!
Then went to daddy's friend's place for singing and the whole family was so pleasant, welcoming and lovely so wholesome
The food was great too (and the food at syuh's wedding too????)
Took a peaceful and longish bus ride back and got greeted with snackS im happy
Ok bye

+==edit==+
04.42am

Mental breakish
I aimed to end at 4am but meh if I set aside five hours for my 2nd essay means I have one more hour to finish this one
I knowww I shouldnt take more than 2 hours for 1 essay but when youre working on internal push and lack of mood producing an essay is more than just writing it's reading thinking deciding erasing and redoing
Boo
I'll resume at 5am I am halfway done with essay 1 anyways.
Yay me please dont be sleepy but more importantly essay 2 please be funner and easier

+==edit==+
06.24am

Exhausted. Struggling to finish this one essay all I want to do is leisure
Thinking if I should anyhow finish then submit then start on the other one, or start on the other first and come back to this later.
Cant remember the last time I pulled an all nighter for freakin homework
Lol also past me will be like Why are you bothering pls choose happiness
Hahahah I agree

+==edit==+
07.17am

@ me spamming my blog lol
IM DONE WITH ONE AND HAVE WRITTEN THE INTRO PARAGRAPH FOR THE SECOND ONE
Indeed the second one seems to be more fun but but buttt I hope no weird concepts come up while im writing
I just keep the prof's words in mind "i'd rather a creative and very wrong essay than a correct but boring one"
I'll give you creative and wrong indeed
Hahaha jk (or am I)
Less than 4 hours to the final deadline!!!

+==edit==+
08.03am

The temptation to take breaks is real but no im storming through
Alhamdulillah the essay topic is indeed easier and more bullieveable (hahaah bullshittable + believable im a genius)
K bye

+==edit==+
09.25am

I just need about 500 more words!!!

+==edit==+
10.27am

Miracle happens when you stop caring and expecting
Lolol
Im doneeee!! I survived this sem also it's the best sem in terms of my work submission ive never submitted assignments so diligently before
Also elephant has got to stop listening to trash (esP ariana grande) music every morning it's killing my brain cells and ear happiness
So do I sleep
Oh yea I havent shared about my fun Saturday!
Walked with the fam from grandma's place to 89.7, it was such a lovely walk and our grandma is FAMOUS every 2 steps got someone say hi
She is sharpay evans she is ME
Had good food, and good laughs
Walked back to grandma's place while the adults took the bus hahahaa
Played cluedo and took videos
Already planned our next meetup yay

+==edit==+
21.25pm

I cant remember the last time ive been this free
The lack of harmowork especially
Feels weirdddd also I miss hmx

11.25am

Tired, 2 events today, less than 24 hours to finish 2 final essays
What did I get myself into
I should cancel one of the agenda right
But first I need strength

+==edit==+
19.05pm

I didnt cancel any agenda
I got energy from socialising cause im extrovert
So now I just need to get home before midnight and I have a solid 11 hours to finish 2 essays

+==edit==+
22.44pm

Tried starting on one but my brain is lazy to read so im gonna take a nap or at least rest my brain first
Final 2 essays for the sem lets go!!!

12.59pm

Cant tell if I rested well or not
Hahah but plan today is attempt to do at least 1 essay while at grandma's house around my cousins so we need to see if thats even possible but keyword is try so heh

+==edit==+
22.41pm

Had such a fun day today and looking forward for tomorrow too but no mood to do my essays but I want but also when hahahahhahahahahaahah

05.46am

Slept for barely an hour and got ewwish dreams lol
In my dreams I was like Ok time for sweeter dreams
Lol

11.10am

Getting my hair wet in the rain right after I shower feels like when it rains right after you wash your car
Im not a car or a carowner (pronounced ca-reow-ner)

01.32am

@ me reading my own instagram captions and laughing hahahaha im my favourite comedian
Quite pressurising choosing a song for top 25
I dont like competitions and I always dont take them seriously, like i'll choose songs seconds before starting to sing, or i'll submit any song titles without thinking and caring and then when I hear the song im like Wait did I really choose this???
But people around me are so supportive I feel like im doing this not for me which is I know not the best mindset but it works for me like it makes me care about what song im singing what key how I present myself
Eww
But also this will be my first time singing solo with a live accompaniment? I cant even remember but I believe so
I still cANT CHOOSE A SONG!!!
Random reunion with north pole later today though so thats exciting hehe also yol's last day of work before she progresses in life
Also I plan to start on one of my 2 final essays (!!!)
And play board games
And make videos with them
Quite an exciting day ahead even though impromptu huhu
Yee
I need to choose a song by 6pm and I have like 12 on my list (and growing)

01.18am

Sometimes I wished I could fall asleep easily but sometimes only la
Nights feel long and when it's uneventful it feels dragggyyyy
Welp
Wouldnt mind my morning bird self returning anytime soon

+==edit==+
04.33am

I dont understand how my body is not tired I dont nap in the day
I love it but the thought of falling asleep is so impossible
Like right now I cannot imagine closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep lol
I have been waking up early still though so ive been getting 2 hours of sleep ish

+==edit==+
13.25pm

I dont know if it is possible to peak at teenagehood cause I feel like the person I am now is too emotional and I do not like it if 17 year old me were in these situation she'd have rocked it and dealt with it in the most badass way
Im tired of feeling
Except happy i love happy

+==edit==+
16.57pm

@ me tearing up cause a music producer (?) who had worked with tina turner, whitney houston said tokti was 'most definitely' in their calibre LIKE YES finally someone is smart and said it

07.59am

No idea what time I fell asleep what a blur

+==edit==+
16.43pm

Im avoiding all Survivor series undertaker related news because I DONT WANT TO CRY.
NOT NOW.
NOT EVER.
:(
Im not ready my heart is still weak

+==edit==+
17.06pm

I have 1/3 final essay due in 6 hours and right now I feel so... like negative mood to do it
I started a bit but I was just like Meh
Hahahahaha help internal motivation come back soon oki
Hopefully the adrenaline will push me to do it

+==edit==+
23.22pm

Im done and submitted
And here comes the moral dilemma in me
Was it better to submit a half assed or not at all
Hahahaha jk
Im done
And done!!!

11.10am

Sleepy
What am a cool person like me doing at crowded geylang on Sunday morning
Family lunch yay
Im wearing pretty earrings given by chiqa
Also I just finished my audition
Went quite well I guess?
2 more rounds ahead
I was excited but once it sank in that I have more rounds the feeling changed
I smell sushi am I dreaming
Yes im roaming around the mall alone waiting for everyone

+==edit==+
21.29pm

You know im tired when I take a nap and I dont naturally wake up after exactly 2 hours
Took an almost 4 hours nap??
I hope it means I have energy for essay hehe

03.11am

Did I mention I lost my morning bird strength
I still have the tendencies aka waking up early (also have been sleeping back at usual wani times) but I dont feel rested and I go back to sleep which during my morning phase I did none of
I wake up ridiculously early and just kickstart my day
Question: Why cant I SLEEP
Literally started watching a 3 hour video cause I am that sure I wont fall asleep so easily
Oh wells
Excited to film things

04.54am

Was ready for a productive triple whammy day
But did little work
I cant say I did no work thats not true hehe I read things
A miracle, my paper due today was extended to next week :')
But I still have chart due later tonight

+==edit==+
23.28pm

Genuinely tried to do the chart(s) and I just decided to not do it
My happiness comes first HAHAHAH
But I did start on one but meh let it go
Went to learn more editing stuff instead
Wopwop

01.00am

Was supposed to finish my essay yesterday and do charts today
But parkinson's law is working against me cause im used to doing things on the due date so starting it early is incomprehensible
English
Haishhh how
Also I reaaallllllyyyy want a snack
Why do i not have a snack
Boo

+==edit==+
03.03am

Why is it that the day I have 3 final assignments to chiong I cANT SLEEP
Dont get me wrong im not doing those hahahhaha im playing 700 rounds of freecell while listening to the ballinger's podcast
My eyes are heavy but my brain just wants to not rest
Cmon

+==edit==+
07.46am

By this time I need something in me to awaken and put me on autopilot like it has done before im lazy to think

+==edit==+
08.50am

May this delirious and tired state of mind be the very reason I accomplish all I have to do today
Hahaahhha
Also I think I only managed to fall asleep a bit after 5??

17.39pm

Gone from doing nOthing to multitasking very hard
Can you believe I have a random audition this Sunday
Thing is after circuit breaker im happy to take any and every opportunity that comes my way
Also I really want to get more comfortable singing solo hahahaha the loneliness is real
Ok back to... whatever 4 things I was doing at the same time including choosing a song and replying the organizer and writing my essay and submitting forms

04.00am

How interesting
My body had been making me wake up every hour and lets me fall back asleep but the hour I wake up for real I feel very well rested
I fell asleep I think 2 plus last night though
Had an impromptu outing yesterday literally decided to go out while I was showering

14.23pm

It's never too late to be a better person

02.12am

Got home, slept, woke up, left home
Didnt blog
What an eventful two days of rehearsal- arranging, learning and recording all at once
How efficient and fun
I missed the intensity
Time to sleeeep
And wake up to eat chicken and edit video huhu
Happy birthday anga and ele the fat twins ♡

01.43am

Guess my body got used to the late nights so I no longer feel tired enough to fall asleep before midnight
Tired yes sleep no
And I also dont wake up as early as usual
Boo
Try to reset tonight but also dont want to force myself ehehe

+==edit==+
05.48am

I see the 4 hour sleeps dont mind it but miss waking up feeling well rested
Also had nightmares about attempting to reshoot a thing I watched last night

03.57am

Woww dreamt that I made myself iced coffee how disappointing to wake up realising I dont have it
Also I fell asleep at midnight idk why im awake now

+==edit==+
10.50am

I miss the days when im watching WWE on tv and the logo appears at the bottom during an intense part- which means it's end of the episode and it's so upsetting but also made me look forward for next week

+==edit==+
14.55pm

Cant wait until my heart gets it
I have 10 more days until the 3 months mark and I dont know how okay I feel
But on the bright side, I know I will be eventually

+==edit==+
15.48pm

Tell me why duncan is TOO CUTE

23.38pm

Done with one task!
Now I either can use tomorrow to rest and recuperate of have a headstart on either my essays or the music video editing
Deep down in my heart I want to do all of it at the same time

07.21am

Yayy got my 5 hours of sleep but was it worth the cause aka this was pure exhaustion oof

02.10am

First time in what feels like a long time since ive been unable to sleep
Nooo

18.23pm

Me tries to eat a veggie
Veggie drops off my spoon
Guess it's not meant to be

+==edit==+
20.00pm

Pretty sure ive said this before but I feel so bad when people say they like my art when they saw it at an unpresentable state (but to be fair when have i been presentable ok fine once during Anjung adat maybe hahahahaha)
Im like Nooo i can do better
But it reminds me that art from the heart overlooks quality
And it makes my artistic heart soar with joy and humility
Poetry unintended

+==edit==+
22.45pm

Accidentally having a productive day
I know, weird but hahahaha yay me
Rewrote and submitted my philosophy of science essay
Editing the video
What am I doing
I love it though

+==edit==+
23.52pm

Aghhh I have reignited my love for editing
The pain is lesser than the curiosity and end goal now
Im excited

04.25am

3rd day in a row retiring late? Dont even know
But what a fun day even though I have blister forming on my right foot specifically thanks new shoes
So fun singing with earl always haish

+==edit==+
10.37am

Had a few fun dreams but my eyes were too heavy to wake up and type lolz

+==edit==+
19.25pm

After an enslaught of full day activities the past consecutive days I cant tell if today is relaxing or boring actually more boring than relaxing have been home all day doing nothing like I want to edit the music video but i'd have to put on my contacts eughh can my specs just reappear infront of me already im tired of looking

09.46am

Have been sleeping late (4, 5am) this past two days but I wake up at before 10 I love how this is my "sleep in"
I mean I have heard of people who wakes up regularly at 7am and their sleep in is 9am and I found them freaky but here I am lol

+==edit==+
11.56am

You know whats funny
Every morning I go to the kitchen and hear the same thing on the radio- a male DJ trying to be funny and the female one being polite and laughing
Man's not funny
Ahhahhaahha funny

22.20pm

Still a morning bird, enjoying it

10.33am

Almost forgot how much I love demdems' voice

+==edit==+
11.42am

Help im trying not to laugh watching shawn michaels' videos

05.02am

Fulfilled all my agenda yesterday
My eyes is even more painful idk why but perhaps it means I should spend today in isolation rest my eyes

+==edit==+
13.35pm

Baby and child grinch is so cute lol but also I really want to edit the music video but my eyes hurt still so today I shall do nothing but recuperate
So happy to see my calendar fill up again :')

+==edit==+
20.18pm

Um am watching royal rumble 2010 and suddenly thought of Brothers of destruction getting inducted into the Hall of fame I can scream
Whatever it it, kane and taker, i wanna be there for their induction haiz

08.12am

Good morning
Tired but have 3 things on my agenda today including a journal and a test- both I havent started

+==edit==+
08.54am

If you see me being extra cool these few days dont worry im just back on wwe hahaha
I really want to trouble in paradise someone or sweet chin music just for fun
Also my eyes hurt how can I wear contacts

Merry November (05.32am)

May this month be filled with blessings, joy and love, Insyaallah!
Good morning, I totally managed to fall asleep after eating half of my burger last night, idek what time though the fam was watching Mulan in the living room I just retired out of exhaustion lol
Hehehe yay me

+==edit==+
07.14am

Watching the 2010 royal rumble and forgot how much I missed seeing cena in the ring :')
Come backkk

01.36am

Today went well alhamdulillah!
Despite my severe lack of perfectionism due to exhaustion (STILL!! Why? Go away but also it's like me forcing me to take care of myself by resting)

+==edit==+
06.38am

Best part about current lifestyle is that I dont set alarms anymore cause I know i'll always wake up way too early aka right now
Even if it's Morning plans with north pole huhu i'll be there ready and steady

+==edit==+
22.17pm

Cant remember the last time I was extra happy or at peace with all aspects in life- studies, family, friends, matters of the heart and passion
Im grateful.

+==edit==+
22.56pm

Cant tell if exhausted due to accumulated early birdness aka the fact that im awake >20 hours a day everyday haha fake news but also
Sis. I have been feeling like I can sleep right as I hit the pillows at night and tonight is no exception
But my fam ordered macs for me how
But my eyes tired
I wanted to say I gotta get up early tomorrow but I have no say in that my body will wake me up at the wee hours ok I try see if I will fall asleep it is freezing cold

05.12am

I have been a bad blogger but I blame my sleep schedule entirely
Would have been more excited for today if my groupmates were more in this together but eh I bring my own sunshine
Also I dont mind taking the lead as long as I dont hear excuses or complaints because that would be annoying hahaaha you want the best you act like the best wow im ric flair
And good morning!
I slept from 8pm-12am, and then fell back asleep around 1am-5am so what does this make me why am I extra tired this period
I love being morning bird though despite the tiredness

+==edit==+
05.34am

Also sleeping to royal rumble made me realise how many times I wake up in an hour lol
Speaking of wrestling noises, ive always hated when non wrestling shows have wrestling-like commentary cause since young everytime I hear that I will run to the TV and sometimes it's NOT wrestling so annoying clickbait

01.17am

Thought I blogged
Also, proper hibernating

+==edit==+
02.49am

I feel recuperated but I know im still in hibernation until I feel hungry
I havent eaten for so long?? I saw food and had no interest hahah but I will keep piquing my appetite yay
Exciting upcoming stuff happening
Slept for super long. Woke up a few times but went right back to sleep
It's like im conducting self induced hypnosis cause I fall asleep by watching videos or playing freecell
Had many dreams which was fun lol
Am I done sleeping for the day stay tuned (ive been playing freecell but dont feel like falling asleep so perhaps im awake for good)

+==edit==+
05.10am

Sometimes I test water and then I realise nope emotions are still raw
At least I dont get heavy days anymore
Progress?

+==edit==+
09.13am

Somehow spent the past 3 hours watching documentaries about eddie and benoit and I clicked on eddie's HOF induction and I cannot describe thiS chill im getting hearing benoit's theme hit
I cannot believe I was there as a child watching all of this unfold and being sad yet not understanding the severity of it
Again, wherever i go i take wrestling with me
I still love it and i keep going back to it
Trauma and all, it's epic. It's life.
And I miss the good old days everyday

+==edit==+
16.04pm

Wanna watch more wrestling but my phone is dying and nobody will be my friend for hours so how
I need to buy charger to bring out pls hahaha
Also I am 3000% willing to let my phone die from watching wwe and risk not finding my group if they are my true friends they will find me k bye

+==edit==+
16.25pm

I found a meaningful treasure
Reyrey's book is AN EBOOK ON NLB I BORROWED IT NOW IM READING IT
I am gonna cry im overwhelmed with emotions but MY MAKEUP
I have to take screaming squealing and breathing breaks SO much feels

03.00am

+==edit==+
03.35am

Queen of no sleep no eat only think

03.11am

Fell asleep at around 1, woke up feeling like I slept so long but it wasnt even half hour yet hahaha
Awake again now

+==edit==+
06.47am

Cant tell if my life is uneventful or im so hibernaty all I can blog about is my sleep schedule
The day I dont blog about it will be a boring day cause it means I was forced to adapt to peasant body clock
Had a lovely friday and saturday, sang and made taco bell food which was so cool and opens the door to a million possibilities
Done with the project report and thus now I can put all my focus into hmx again yay yay

10.45am

Thought I could sleep in a bit today but alas
Still, buenos dias!

01.29am

Suddenly I feel rejuvenated in life
Deadlines really makes me most productive

+==edit==+
02.52am

Tired, cant sleep, whats new but how come

+==edit==+
08.14am

Got 2 hours of sleep but with the dreams I had I thought I slept the whole night
Fake news hahah
Love being a morning bird but I get tired by nighttime ok maybe cause I sleep 2 hours a night but still
Here's to a wonderful day ahead!

01.06am

Tired but I cant even think of sleeping
I really hope it's just my incoming period bringing about uncontrollable hormonal emotions

+==edit==+
20.59pm

Had big plans today but tiredness + lack of support made me ditch it all
Ended up hibernating
Also it's hard to explain to new people the concept of hibernating

+==edit==+
23.33pm

I mean according to google I have 1 more month to heal so it is ok that tonight im still hurting. Lolll ironic
But also I will just blame my hormones again this time round

06.25am

Wew my body has been waking up after 2 hours of slumber aka 1 REM cycle since yesterday haha I call this the state of shock aka Why is me sleeping at this timing wake up wake up!
I guess I have 3-4 more hours to sleep if I want to
Yesterday was pretty nice!
Rehearsed from 10-5 (stayed till 6 cause random bonding) and then went home due to exhaustion and I fell asleep right after settling down

07.11am

Good morning!
Not only did I manage to force myself to sleep before 3am (with no aid- i.e. I did not play a video to lull me to sleep), I also forced myself to go back to sleep the 2 times I woke up
Now I can sleep for 2 hours more technically but still

00.11am

I just realised I probably havent eaten today???
Here's to a great week ahead

+==edit==+
20.32pm

Suddenly watching buzzfeed unsolved feels like im watching another version of rhett and link aka another version of dan and phil HAHAH all these duo youtubers
Have been sleeping after 10am the past few days which honestly one of my concerns about getting married is that they would never understand my sleep schedule like my family does lol
I mean I could try and get used to peasant sleep schedule but hey even in the stone ages some of us were made to be night guards okay I am a night guard without my kind of people we would have been eaten by tigers while sleeping
Hahahah what am i saying
K bye

00.24am

Dang dato AC accepting the live hosting invitation 1 hour before GV is legendary I also want
Did nothing today
Also after complaining about ulcers yesterday the universe bestowed upon me ANOTHER one
Usually i'll ignore it and it'll go away but like I said this time round I keep accidentally biting it so annoying lol k bye

+==edit==+
02.25am

Brb about GV but Hi universe can I have glitter eyeliners pls preferably many colours!!!!! I will wear everyday

+==edit==+
09.36am

Just finished singing a song twice
Hahahaha lolrandomz
Idk why im not sleepy yet but new body clock phase coming thru probably
So about GV!
Lol I didnt watch the first 5 seasons, honestly wanted to follow every season but it didnt keep my interest beyond week 1 but I guess seeing Hady mirza competing and Naqiu being amazing in his first week made me stick around and I ended up loving Wann and Roy and ofcourse our charming Sham and Jatt
So this season im watching with an open mind, more unknown people honestly but first week was promising
Cant wait to see their progress and also Jihan and AC duo was fun
Idk why im reviewing it I dont even care about it enough as of now
Maybe I just feel like typing
Ok bye gonna go watch some rhett and link

04.59am

Had an impromptu trip to my uncle's just cause I was lazy to find my keys and I had to leave home hahaha
Also plans for the day failed big time cause I slept for so long
We'll see what today brings, I have plenty of options on what to do

+==edit==+
06.44am

At the rate of my no sleep im gonna wake up late again oh no

+==edit==+
12.19pm

I havent had ulcer in forever until one fateful day my brain remembered it and thought "Wow it's been so long since I had an ulcer maybe it is something you outgrow" and immediately it returned
And now I have it as often as I used to
Why did my brain betray me tell me why
I dislike it but also this time round is worse cause I keep accidentally biting myself
Also it is miserable it makes me not want to talk and eat we'll see how I survive rehearsals- to think about it I dont think I have ever had to sing with ulcers??? Is that WHY I STOPPED HAVING IT CAUSE OF HMX that would be interesting ok bye

06.31am

Ptx's new single is stuck in my head like Be my eyes be my eyes be my eyes be my eyes

+==edit==+
16.45pm

This is the latest ive woken up since I can remember dang
Arrangement plans for today halted, I can either go meet hmx or stay home or go out by myself
My body says stay home but my brain says GO OUT AND PARTYY

+==edit==+
19.36pm

I was just... singing a wrong I wrote like 7 years ago and I CRIED???
How is it so sad
I also cry reading my own writings sometime
Why am I tugging on my own heartstrings this is not cool
This is extra funny cause my fb history says on this day King khan just watched kal ho na ho in its entirety for the first time and he cried and he said it's silly to cry at your own film
Hahaahaha

02.29am

Had a pleasant day after so long of rutting
Got to nap in the afternoon :')
Finished an entire book in the morning while waiting, went back and forth a while before heading to school and SAW HMX
My heart jumps with joy
We saw CHERIE also
Got to coffeeshop with some of them and hais precious
Okay I should stop eating 1 meal a day

04.55am

Sleep and meal deprived but staying on brand with the Heartbroken Aesthetic TM the lack of self care is real
I'll dress up later and feel better
Im not whining im just talking to my blog and hopefully in months to come I read these back and smile or laugh

+==edit==+
07.31am

Got robbed an hour of intended rest hahaha gotta get up and running now I think I was in the middle of an interesting dream and barely an hour of sleep
Oof long day ahead but we'll make it good!

10.12am

Woke up as my alarm rang but didnt hear my alarm hahaha
Also was disoriented like what day is it why am I awake so early on a weekend (it's tuesday)
I have classes today I wont forget like I did the past 3 weeks lol

+==edit==+
19.19pm

It's life, I guess
Some of us lose and lose
Others do nothing but win, even when they shouldnt

+==edit==+
21.29pm

Hi universe, hello
Can I be done with feeling sad now
Kinda tired of this

02.53am

Fell asleep super early again (actually idk man kept waking up) and dang the night is still young
Had Subway today after telling people I dont really eat Subway cause the idea of hearty breads with not-really-worth-the-effort fillings are not things I crave
But yol wanted it so I got it anyway
Turned out nice! Dk what nonsense I put inside I think I had Bacon, pickle, cucumber, ranch chicken (which wew tasted like ranch chicken hahaha look at me underestimating subway)
Pickle and bacon dang no wonder people put you in burgers
Also the bread was nice??? Honey oat I think ive always only picked the cheese one and it is messy and honey oat bread is delicious and mess free
(I actually think I had subway only oNCE since it was halal in singapore and it's one of the hmx's smu rehearsals lol)
Why am I talking about food now
I also had random mee soto for brunch (which is always a hit or miss but usually the fails wont be too bad it'll just be like slightly disappointing but still enjoyable) and it was not bad at all!!!
Ate while watching jozan on netflix
Still talking about food
Lucky mama cooked right as I got home hahaha
Gonna go eat probably let me freshen up aish

+==edit==+
04.21am

What just happened I paused a video to think about life and my brain just whipped and nae naed twice then I played the video again
Hahaha

+==edit==+
06.09am

One of my favourite things in life is children's nonexistent (respectable, tbh) concept in life like they'll think you are either 8 years old or 100 years old
They think their dad's name is Dad
So precious

+==edit==+
12.48pm

Exhausted

05.23am

Should I eat chocolate
Me being hungry is a good sign also a sign im out of hibernation
Hahaha okay I will go eat a bit

+==edit==+
07.06am

Me everytim losers (idk why it's a lot of white people but) reacts to a durian
(yall are wrong and it's ok i forgive your untrained taste buds and good on you for leaving more for us but- hold the drama pls lolol)

+==edit==+
21.19pm

It's a different level of comfort being around these humans
Sometimes actually most times I wished we still live nearby so we can meet more often haish

+==edit==+
21.30pm

Can the government NOT RAISE PUBLIC TRANSPORT FARES

05.17am

I just made buttermilk chicken and cooked rice because I have been not eating well at all haha
I'll get over this rut soon I know it
It just takes time and im okay with that
Have been going back to study singers singing live (I try to ignore the lyrics but sometimes it doesnt work so I just go back to watching rhett and link)
Also ballinger family posted their first vlog in a week so that is good news!!

+==edit==+
20.36pm

Im not at peace
But my fb and insta timeline is filled with people getting married and engaged TODAY
Ah okay I just realised the date no wonder la
But really im so happy for everyone god bless i cry
Also I have not mentioned this but one of hidster's baby cats passed and im heartbroken.
She gave me most love and I got the honour of spending one of her last few days receiving and giving her love
It's an indescribable feeling, i've always had a soft spot for her and her soft but unpredictable personality
Happy youre free of pain, Meeko.
Rest beautifully insyaallah

+==edit==+
22.44pm

My heart will heal via other people's happiness
That much I know
And I would not have it any other way
Oh Allah please bless the people around me with happiness and I ask to only bask in it from the sidelines
And it's not like im pretending im ok or anything it's just easier to not explain myself to anyone
As long as I can bear to take it, I will
Excited for tomorrow ehehe impromptu plans

19.36pm

Actually enjoying this hibernation slash lack of needs period
Im eating once every 24 hours but even then it's a forced like I need food and i'll get full after a few bites
Havent been sleeping or eating well but it's hibernation so it's a mismash of weird but normal
I just need to take control of happiness
People never had and will never be my source of pain or joy

08.45am

Not feeling the best but im numbing it for now
Which is not what I would usually do but I think the hurt is coming in big waves and sudden motions that I dont know what else to do at least for now
It will get better, I know it, I'll make sure of it
I hope for it
Was a pleasant hmx day ♡

+==edit==+
13.00pm

Random but the malay language is muy beautiful
Also my brain is a quarter spanish
Walked past a man whose cologne I could smell from 2m away and my brain went Muy fuerte without my permission
Then I googled to check if it's right and it is hahahaha trust my spanish vocab retention
Thought I would crash as soon as I got home but after the shower and coffee and sunlight im quite awake what is this

00.46am

Kinda want to wear black smokey eyes to school later, kinda want green eyeshadow
Do I do one on each eye or what
I need green lipstick and black
I also need lime green eyeshadow??? I have all the other shades but neon

+==edit==+
04.58am

I almost typed edit as eyes. Cause my eyes saw the words eyeshadow above hahahaha
But also hey guys in today's latest news sleep has refused my company yet again but im okay I have to be up in two hours if I want to go to class for the first time ever aka how amazing would it be to show up for a 9.30 class with sMOKEY EYES im too cool also have been binge watching ratu's videos and recordings i miss their weirdness and talent

+==edit==+
06.31am

Awake at the correct time for class but... always doubting if I should go hahaha cause idek if I can or will pay attention lolol but aish I need to be in school anyway in the afternoon so might as well but also
Ok la fine I want the morning sun

+==edit==+
07.07am

Tell me why im still in bed im still considering the pros and cons
Pros: maybe learn
Cons: being in school with other humans, 5 hours break after class, need to find food on my own
Oh did I just answer my own question yes I did

01.14am

Also I forgot I had class this morning??
Loll this school from home is good but so easy to forget hahah ok means I have class in 9 hours I should set alarm lolz

01.32am

Lol my previous 2 posts have "on one hand...on the other hand" look at my essay writing skills
Not going to set alarm for tomorrow so whatever happens happens lol
Here's to a good day

+==edit==+
04.46am

I thought I was tired but apparently not
Eyes kinda heavy but the thought of sleep is far from me
Maybe watching rhett and link would help
(Not saying they bore me to sleep but comfort I guess lol)

17.43pm

Done with one essay and it wasnt terrible!!!
It's so fun and I wished I set aside more time for it cause I was on a roll but I have another one to complete
On one hand I have five hours to complete it on the other hand I want to read everything about it
But from experience once I choose a question it just flows and im unstoppable
We'll try

+==edit==+
19.00pm

Dont tell anyone, but I love philo essays because we are encouraged to be creative (even at the risk of being totally wrong) and discouraged to do research
Basically literally thinking of original (and possibly wrong) ideas
All while writing it in an informal, speaky voice
I love it

+==edit==+
23.26pm

Im a done human yay!
Time to rest but actually more things to catch up on but oh well, I deserve a break hahaahha
I should eat first

11.47am

How is it recess week and I am the least busiest I am in life and I feel so lack rested like I need to sleep before I can even think about doing work but alas

+==edit==+
23.16pm

Had a lovely day, even though I somehow managed to sleep the night away but it is GOOD cause I need brain rest
2 essays due in 24 hours, on one hand it's only 2.5k words each
On the other hand I know nothing about the topics
But ive done this a zillion times so no sweat just I want to do a good job
Also finally met my north pole sisters, words cannot describe how comforting it is to have a solid group of gang that has literally been with me more than half my life it's crazy
But alhamdulillah for this friendship and may we continue being the best team hehe
I am happy.

04.45am

Got back and am ready to crash but this ele is torturing me by making plans that involves waking up at 6am -___-

+==edit==+
22.22pm

Sad to remove my makeup!!!
Always like this hahahaha
Even though I can definitely replicate it but still

+==edit==+
23.20pm

Kinda exhausted and want to rest, kinda want to trudge on and start my essay

00.00am

Alone and crying.
When will this be over?
I want to be happier

+==edit==+
02.15am

Feeling better
Why must demdems release a breakup song now
We're on the same boat anyways hahahaha bffs
We'll create happiness
Also im upset at how im reacting to the juniors, like everytime I leave im like Whattt that was so not me
I obviously havent gotten total peace but still
They deserve kinder me
I'll try again

+==edit==+
02.26am

WAIT IT'S OCTOBER???
Ive never felt so shook
I thought september got 31 days hahahaa

03.30am

Literally told myself in the afternoon to blog before midnight but alas got caught up watching Insidious!!!
It's been so long since I watched it
Long day of rehearsal tomorrow so why am I awake
Gotta be up in 6 hours yayayaa

+==edit==+
04.19am

I miss MCS???
So creatively stimulating also always having an audience is fun

+==edit==+
21.52pm

In my happy place, HMX WEDNESDAYS!!!!
:')

01.05am

Since my higatv phase was halted I havent been binge watching (by binge watching I mean those 3 mins snippets they post on fb hahha) any youtubers outside my usuals but im finding myself watching GMM a lot hahaha
I need mood to watch them and usually I get tired but I think ive been watching for 3 (?) days now which is a lot wew
Thanks for entertaining

+==edit==+
03.29am

I thought I slept for 2 hours but it was only 1 lol
Well rested though
Fake news
Long day ahead and quite a bit on my to do list

+==edit==+
07.25am

Failing to go back to sleep and my alarm is gonna ring in 2 hours so should I nap or breakfast
Also I both want to dress up and wear PJs today and I want to do green eyeshadow and also not wear makeup today
Hahaha

+==edit==+
10.11am

Alarm rang right as I fell asleep
Also it is so not #blessed when I wake up to the loser music ele BLASTS when she's getting ready for school
It's always the same song and it's an annoying song idk Stuck with you Stuck with you
Make it stop thanks

00.01am

Currently having rehearsearl
We sounding so nice I love it
Also drinking iced coffee
And it is cold and cosy
And there's cats around and a lot of pillows

+==edit==+
05.43am

Late night out after so long
Always feel happy after rehearsearls heh thankful ;')
Also I have been consciously (or not, who knows) ok wait let me say the story properly
Usually (aka always) when tokti (aka siti nurhaliza) releases a new single i'll be the first to go listen
But her new song (and ive seen posts everywhere it IS DOING SO WELL like one of her most trending recent songs) I havent listened and everytime I come across the video or the title im like "Why have I not heard this especially since it's so popular currently"
Today scrolled through my ig and 2 of my followings posted a cover of them singing it
The lyrics are rude guys
Like misha omar's recent single I blogged about
And some more with tokti's voice
I will definitely CRY so good that my subconscious self is protecting me hahaha
Anyways I cant wait till I stop emotionally relating to songs cause it sounds like a nice song to sing I mean everyone's making a cover of it so
Hais.
But again, always happy after rehearsearls so im riding on the highhhh

+==edit==+
06.35am

Ahaha ok got the answer to my sudden back tummy leg pains this past week my period just came
I knew im not weak huhu

+==edit==+
19.58pm

What a sleepy and cold Sunday
Rehearsals resume tomorrow yay

00.01am

This feeling is expensive
The feeling of submitting something I have internally given up on
It was trash but this is already an improvement usually even if I do well but incomplete I wont submit
But I do have the mindset anything is better than zero but also I feel bad for the prof but also my ego as a philosopher disallows me to submit half assed essay
But whatever this once can hahaha
Also managed to force my fam to entertain me with 4 hours of family game night we played bingo and monopoly deal
Im great at both, there were loads of snacks and screaming involved
Who needs mind cafe
Hahahah jk i love it but overpriced hais

04.20am

Stayed up to do work but no cells in my body wants to do work
I guess I know kinda the reason why but we'll get over it soon enough so
Help me my internal willpower.
Cause my conscious self dont have much right now
Im not present
Ok fine i've been in and out one minute im dandy and happy and light and another minute im engulfed in downness
This instability is not normal but it is okay
I will get through this a much better being

+==edit==+
11.41am

Wow that was 4 hours of sleep also essay due in 12 hours am i gonna pull through stay tuned

23.59pm

Wow I frogot to blog but uneventful day didnt even do work hais

02.51am

Ive been hungry for hours but I have not much willpower to get up
Hahah drama
Will probably make some food soon I only had breakfast
It has been such a long day but of me hibernating
May the day be filled with joy and laughter

07.28am

Slept well cause of how tired I was
But woken up way before my alarm made me even tireder so what was the point
May today go well bismillah

+==edit==+
09.10am

It's freezing cold mygosh

+==edit==+
09.26am

Yooo for real the morning air is freezing how cold is it!!! I must stand in the sun soon
Im wearing like 3.5 layers (overalls but didnt wear it up)
But watching ballinger family's vlog is making this wait less painful
My only hope is I dont get a fever but also I wont cause I decide I wont

+==edit==+
17.10pm

Ooof I crashed for almost 7 hours after getting home
Havent slept that deeply in so long but

+==edit==+
21.08pm

I think trying to sleep now and then waking up at between 3-4am if im lucky (it'd probably be midnight lets be real) will ensure that i'll make it for my 930 class so.. goodnight world
Attempt 1

+==edit==+
23.34pm

Woke up like twice but went back to sleep

04.36am

Surprise she actually slept albeit for barely 2 hours
Even then she woke up like 3 times I think this is the third and you know sometimes I wanna hydrate myself but I dont like water so I put an ice cube (haha jk cubes are for peasants my ice is in a fish and floral shape) in my mouth
It's water
My eyes are definitely still heavy but meh i'll watch videos and will probably fall right back asleep

+==edit==+
05.51am

Having trouble falling back asleep aish

02.34am

+==edit==+
03.58am

Harbouring and giving out positive energy to the universe!!!
Also what is a girl doing at 4am watching birth vlogs of course but I always watch the same old ones cause they bring me joy
Also my primary school friends are becoming parents this is not weird at all

Also ended up having a lovely evening, went to buy a bag which is sequins and it has a peach hello kitty on it and 3d ears and unicorn horn wait dont @ me I bought it cause the sequins are purple and blue aka my fav colour combination of all time it's too pretty also i will vandalise the bag by replacing the peach with purple
Then went to meet family friends aka the adults were having serious talk at one table and on another table I was teaching ele my part for can you feel the love tonight hahahaha so fun also the food was good portion was perfect for us to share lol
K bye back to vlog watching also the more vlogs I watch the more I want to vlog more yes correct
Also I hope my jing yong feels better soon she is not allowed

+==edit==+
08.45am

Aiyaiyai this 6-9am sleep schedule is questionable
My eyes

+==edit==+
09.00am

Wow @ misha omar dropping a relatable self wrote single thks i hate it
(she's amazing. just too real)
Someone in the comment said lyrics too simple, whereas I feel directly attacked
I'll think about that the next time

+==edit==+
11.01am

Tried to go back to sleep but I feel so uncomfortable I gave up and went to make breakfast
With my legs and back aching for no reason I feel like a pregnant woman omygosh
It's not even period season so I cant blame that
I blame me sleeping on a giant unicorn for my backache but this leg pain came from NOWHERE i disagree i cant even walk properly i cant even cross my legs what is going on

+==edit==+
14.45pm

You can tell im alone at home by the number of times im blogging hahaha
Managed to take a nap and woke up with my pains (im positively saying this but not 100% true) gone!
So isit lack of rest hahah
Also yes I did yeet the giant unicorn away it cant sleep with me anymore no matter how fluffy and it is

+==edit==+
23.45pm

Spent the first half of the day trying not to be sad but managed to spend the last 3 hours nice wow my english
Khali cena and fam dropped by to drop chiqa off so I got to see them
North pole is planning a reunion
And went to visit family friend and got good food cooked by hoMeowner
I totally forgot I have assignments due
Last week flew by hahaha k time to get back on track

01.47am

Mixed feelinged
Had a lovely evening, impromptu vivo which is always fun and then reunited with family friends we havent seen in so long
But it was for an ugly reason
But also it woke me up as to how sometimes there are moments where we will drown in our emotions and sorrow but there will always be a lifeline in prayers
I will be here as much as I can and I will educate myself as much as I can about the legal system in singapore
I just want to protect the rights of the right and ensure they are taken care of mentally too
I cant bear seeing women losing more than just marriage, especially after having given more than half their lives to it
Bismillah, Allah ease your affairs.
I'll learn alongside all of you.
On the bright side it was filled with nostalgic laughter plus laughing at how chiqa and their children were so tiny the last time we saw them and now they're both bigger than me!!!
Here's to better days ahead!

+==edit==+
09.32am

Noo idea what time I fell asleep (between 5-7am?) but why am I awake at 9am on a saturday hahaha
I miss baby ayden and izzul and izzah
Hope to see them soonest

+==edit==+
15.08pm

Tried reading on tangible ways to move on and hahaha im not ready
Ok to be fair the article said it'll take most people 3 months to feel stronger and it's not even been a month yet
It's both not as hard as we think and extremely hard at the same time but idek why
The human in me who just moves based on emotions and desires is very confused as to why this is harder than it should be
I also dont need to explain myself, I rarely do so anyways cause humans dont understand me hahaha losers
K bye I am alone at home I dont want to be sad

05.38am

Just watched kung fu panda 2 and had an interesting insight on another's mind
Sometimes being harsh works, but most times it won't
Definitely wont work on me cause all I see is inability to maturely process and react to things
People with the same mindset though would ironically see me as the immature one
But nah, humans are beyond logic and strength
We are heartbeats and aura, connected to the universe
The entire universe exists within and among us
It's unwise to forget that

+==edit==+
05.47am

Random thought but the most humbling thing is when I ask for prayers from others or when they just do it out of their kind hearts like even a statement like "God bless" means a lot and it's just more than I can ever want
Like you know you do something and someone wants to "repay" your deeds and you're like Nah just pray for me
Sounds simple but actually most meaningful gift to receive cause we wont know whose prayers will be accepted hehe

00.28am

Honestly I can choose who I want to keep in life and so far ive had the privilege of getting great people and that wont change
(@me being fake deep cus I MISSED A DAY)

+==edit==+
02.09am

I saw a youtube video with the title "The selfish scholar" and my brain went "ooh what kind of fish is a selfish"
Nice going

+==edit==+
04.08am

Suddenly thought of the time hidaya's daughter aka meeko ate chicken from my fork hehehe
Rewatching videos from that night we reunited after circuit breaker and laughing too hard
(not quoting our own originals or anything)
It was a lovely night??? We had pasta and li ho and brownies (with ice cream but that came late) and in the company of 3 cAts and aunty ferry
Hehe ♡

19.51pm

Happiness is indeed in our hands
It's just up to us whether we wanna overlook it or not

03.29am

A morning class later, and then having my first hmx group meetup today, followed by a long overdue music video recording (pls work out oof also it's sad that im the only one actually excited to create something good we can be proud of lol but it's ok I can be happy alone) and then a test in the evening
Packed day ahead so I should be sleeping but we all know that is not a thing also I slept a lot today cause of the rainy weather heh lazy Sunday (i type this as I am confused what day it is)
I cant wait to play with makeup thats all hahahaha
Chiqa bought me new makeup for my birthday so im excited to try it hehehe
Here's to a good productive day ahead
Also I havent finished reading lecture 5 I think it will be tested tonight so im gonna continue reading it probably in a while since iM NOt sleepY but im currently revising my notes instead and I mean musical notes not my schoolwork notes I realise I cant remember the all girls group alto part so it's kinda learning from scratch but luckily it's half melody oohoho but also im revising notes for the video recording I think im ok so okay actually I think I can rest soon idk i feel like drinking coffee it's cold but i also want to rest my eyes but also stay awake who knows

Lovely blogging

+==edit==+
10.18am

Took some time falling asleep but yay im awake for class
But also this was totally optional I couldve slept in a bit more to get more rest but I can rest later so

17.21pm

I was gonna use some fishballs in my fridge then I read the expiration date and went "Oh no it's so expired"
Expiration date is October 2020

23.11pm

Napped for the first time in a long time (actually planned to sleep early like 8pm-1am or something but I got awakened by chiqa at 9pm cause she had presents for me hehehe)
So precious this little bean I love her

00.42am

I guess nights are harder
Just feels extra lonely
But whatever
Cant wait to be happier and I know it's a choice but still

+==edit==+
01.44am

Managed to disturb some people and I dont feel as lonely anymore
Also sudden craving (ok not sudden im watching a vlog of bailey as annie hahah) to perform

04.24am

Dang I havent been a good sleeper at all but I kinda know why it's just thoughts in my mind and lack of peace but also body clock shifting again I guess
Which is bad cause i'll wake up ridiculously early (like i'd fall asleep at 5am and wake up at 6 and 9am) so my reflex is "i havent slept enough i need more" and then i'll go back to sleep until noon
Not nice I want my morning bird self back but i CANT EVEN FALL ASLEEP like im not even sleepy

+==edit==+
09.08am

Oh yea, ofcourse the day I dont have a 930 class I wake up earlier

+==edit==+
13.47pm

Also went for a family dinner last night and in the toilet there was a sign that says "Do not wear mask if you are well" omYgosh cant believe there was a time our govt discouraged masks
And also why does that coffeeshop still have that poster ok lets be real noone reads it only mehahaha

03.40am

Nuu I have class in 6 hours why cant I sleep

+==edit==+
22.38pm

Yea she missed class again
Idk what time I fell asleep but I woke up at 9.35am omycheese
Mixed feelinged currently but whatever tomorrow will be grander

08.08am

Body clock come thru?

+==edit==+
13.37pm

Honestly business mod emphasizes the fact that business culture is gross the unnecessary formalities I cant even I hate it
Managed to chiong and submit my tutorial at the last minute so im relieved about that
But now I need to attend a zoom session with video so that is very mafan
Very first world problem but still

+==edit==+
20.22pm

I survived, it was boring but I survived
Also I have never in my uni life (even though I always thought of it ive never done it) started on assignments early
I actually was so on track with my submissions that I have FREE TIME to start on my future submissions (litrally next one in 2 weeks)
This is quite fun actually
Hahaha ok bye
Also question of the day: will i finally wake up enough to go to my 9.30 class?
We'll see

+==edit==+
20.43pm

Also I have developed this weird habit of calling people Mr and Sir which is a direct result of watching ballinger family but it's weird cus ive been watching them for so long but why only now do I do this

+==edit==+
23.15pm

So sis heard tokti on the radio and she thought she could sing along
Immediate tears
Hahahaha bad idea
But also hey ive been good
Mainly because im still friends with him and I guess we do enjoy each other as humans
Also it just dawned upon me that not being married at 24 is quite beyond what young me would have imagined
When people say they'd get married at 23-25 years old I was like "whattt thats quite late"
And here I am a child who cannot imagine herself as a wife
Oh well, life journey is interesting
But also not too late if possible cause I cant imagine giving birth at 38 (even though mama gave birth to chiqa at 40 and it's totally fine but still)
Hahahaha ok why am I saying this
Morning class tomorrow also suddenly got family dinner but HMX starts tomorrow but it's online so I have a major dilemma
Mmm i'll just be rude and zoom at dinner huhuhu

13.14pm

Violently deciding if I should go to school today even though I made two plans there

01.28am

I knew I havent blogged ishh
I talked to new people today who am I

09.56am

Good morning
Ive been consistently waking up early but usually I feel well rested and ready to start the day no matter what time I slept but past few days I woke up tiredish
But here's to a good productive day!
Wanna cover my business work so I dont have to do much over the weekend

08.32am

Blessed morning!
I am up early from a sad dream about breakup again thks I hate it but also dreams are dreams they replay your brain's latest activities back to you in deformed ways so
I see Allah's blessing everywhere
I give so little and get back so much which in turn makes me even more humbled and grateful
Insyaallah endless cycle of good
Had a lovely past two days in school meeting with somemonix
Even watched david blaine float on balloons live making me almost miss my last bus but got a blessing in disguise cause driver was heading to town so I got a ride back home from school for 6$ :')
God bless
Woke up with even more rezeki being blessed upon me
Alhamdulillah
May I always find it in me to give
So early bird me today will be a beautiful day inshaallah

+==edit==+
14.23pm

Shed a few tears today after so long
No idea why but again, going easy on myself
I put my heart in Allah's hand

+==edit==+
16.58pm

Yesterday I felt sad for awhile cause I was with two groups of people who made me feel (dramatic word ahead but cant think of another so) unwanted?
Like both were like You can join me if you want and I know they mean well but it feels like you know whether I was there or not made no difference to either party
I was so close to just going home cause if I had to make a choice i'd rather choose nothing
Does it sound bratty probably but at that point of time I was just like Wtheckkk if u dont want me here just say so (even though it is irrational but girl is emotional okay her hormones are out of her control also so valid reason) so I dont feel like im being accomodated for
I used to know my place but now I have nothing again so I need to regain my own footing
I'll be ok even if alone
Also I want this sad phase to go away idk how much more of it I can take

00.50am

Ok my period just came
That explains my extra sadness and inability to sleep the past two days
Now I feel at ease knowing my uncontrollable hormones is onto it and not just my brain and heart I am a rational optimist okay

+==edit==+
14.30pm

Me: purposely looks cute so I wont CRY if not i'll ruin my makeup
Hehehehe it has worked so far
I love it

+==edit==+
20.45pm

I cant do music still though.
Help

00.00am

Ok I know it's not midnight yet but I wanted to start afresh
Also is it september??? Idk days
I did it I reached out to people
And it's not like I needed to put extra effort these were the people who proved they'll be here for me since we've known each other basically
Keeping myself busy wont help but I also hope I dont go on another crying spree cause my eyes cannot take it, my heart cannot take it too
Better days ahead.
Also to future me youve spent the past two long sad days binging on the ballinger family, colleen, rachel and rosana pansino, freaking miranda sings even
Honestly no other videos could keep my attention long enough before I start feeling sad again but these people somehow got me through the long nights
I guess people underestimate vlogging they think it's useless and weird even but it has kept me sane and even made me smile at times when people cant so
Thank you(tubers)

+==edit==+
12.29pm

May I always remember to put my faith first in everything
Dont worry im not sad to the point of loss of faith I hope that will never happen if it's within my power i'll make sure it never does happen
This is placed sadness ok insyaallah i'll always confide in god first
And he has indeed answered my prayers by sending me such great people around me
My heart may take time but I know he'll keep me equipped

03.20am

I cant believe we're shooting a music video in less than 12 hours and noone is suggesting concepts or even talked about a videographer or lighting I AM OUT OF MY ELEMENT I need to take charge already if my hmx is gonna be represented by this one video I want it to be presentable (just a less intense way of expressing my want for perfection)
Also I watched chris give jojo her custom guitar and now I want to pick up the guitar again
(again aka probably starting from scratch cause I can remember nothing I cant remember chords I only remember one plucking melody and I remember my fingers hurting and how oversized normal guitars are)
I also feel like picking up sign language ive always felt that it would be a cool lifeskill to have
Idk honestly this period is emotional roller coaster hahahahha but also hunty im supposed to be getting beauty sleep my face is gonna be recorded

+==edit==+
04.00am

Hello how come my fav ndp song also I cannot bear to hear dear brain pls learn to disassociate

+==edit==+
05.14am

I just want to understand why im not sleepy right now it's not like I hibernated recently ive been very morning bird waking up consistently at or before 10am
Maybe too much things on my mind
Maybe my body clock is shifting again (probably this)
I had mini hopes that since I didnt nap today that I would fall asleep easily but alas
Oh wells
Tried to paint my nails but I gave up after 2 fingers cause lazy haha also I dont really like doing it so

+==edit==+
11.03am

Ok im doing ok managed to fall asleep around 6 and woke up at 9
May our affairs today be eased I dont care it's in our hands mediocrity shall not be accepted

+==edit==+
13.16pm

Unfortunate circumstance but insyaallah for the better!
Today's plans are postponed heh
Also I used to love the radio cause somehow music that suits my situation, or one that I needed to hear will always play
Hahaha clown

+==edit==+
13.23pm

Also I totally forgot I had morning class
Wtheckie haha
Technically I still have 7 mins of it
Oh wells

+==edit==+
17.19pm

Dang I took a nap (it has been so many days since) and got bad dreams about breakups so maybe thats why my body didnt allow naps oof shouldve known
Okay no more

+==edit==+
19.43pm

Why do I keep craving cheeseburger from mcd
Why

+==edit==+
21.21pm

It hurts to suddenly be unwanted
Ugh ok one step at a time i'll be ok

+==edit==+
22.02pm

Cant seem to distract myself from this sadness
Dang it
I will be ok for a few minutes and then go back to feeling heavy
What to do what to do I just want distraction for now because i'll deal with my emotions later I just dont want to cry thats all
Oh well. Tank the pain hopefully I dont have a long hard night ahead and hope tomorrow will be a better day
How is it only 10pm

+==edit==+
22.07pm

What the I forgot that I had class AGAIN
7-9pm
Wtheck whats wrong with my brain obviously it's not present
No wonder im so sad where is my brain come back
Ya allah I need extra strength and sanity idk what else to do except seek your guidance and company

09.48am

Good morning
I guess I havent been blogging properly cause blogging makes me think and for now I just dont want to think
Had a beautiful day im so thankful for family
Last Sunday with mama's side and last night with papa's side
Although both days were supposed to be an extra happy occassion, I cant help but feel a little dreary inside cause both my families expected someone else to come with me and both times when they ask where he is I just laugh and make excuses lol :')
It has only been a week but it felt like forever
God has replaced my loss with a great one
Insyaallah all will be well
I am a happy, blessed person and it's ok if I feel sad once in a while
I hope he's doing okay. He probably is.

+==edit==+
16.27pm

Back to feeling sadish this whole day
What a waste of a good day
But ugh
I feel like I want to cry but I dont want to not right now
Why must this be harder than it should be ugh
Im so down it's ridiculous
Bleagh. Get me out of this rut pls

+==edit==+
22.16pm

:(
Still dont like songs i have made peace over the days but haish

+==edit==+
23.45pm

Kept typing "today has been rough" but noone to send it to so dear blog, my companion for the past almost 12 years, you'll be hearing me groan and moan whats new
Today has indeed been rough, and ive been up since 9am without napping so it was a long day
Please may tomorrow be better
I put my life in your hands entirely ya allah

05.22am

Love me an F1 driver that was super fast (he slowed down on one stretch of road but besides that- glorious) I got from school to home in 19 minutes

04.38am

I have not been a good blogger but
Wait idek the days loll im sure i missed today
Went to the beach and then impromptu cat and hmx therapy also uncles catchup session
Okay sleppy

12.26pm

Feeling a lot better as of this moment
Isit a year older more wiser
Hahaha
But im thankful i know bad days might come again so im embracing the now
I dont even feel the need to reach out and ask anyone for company im perfectly happy being alone at home
Two things on my to do list today-
Reply all messages
Catch up on schoolwork (not compulsory for today but would be nice ahahhaha discipline who)
Okie may you all have a blessed day ahead

My birthday! (01.35am)

Happy birthday to me!
Im always excited for my birthday but at the same time I always dont want it to arrive too fast cause the leadup to the birthday is most exciting like "i can do this cus my birthday coming etc"
Definitely feeling sleepyish but um
There's always that hidden gem who you dont always see persistent in your life but they'll come thru when you dont expect it (mayra im looking at u)
Had a pleasant birthday eve i napped and didnt do work

+==edit==+
10.31am

Humans are weird (and dumb internally idk how else do describe this)
Im getting so much love, most ive gotten all year and I still feel this void within me
Im genuinely ok i thought i'll be weaker than this but I guess when being strong is your only choice you surprise yourself
I want to properly absorb the love everyone is giving me
Also update: i still cant listen to music (except chopstick sushi man homeowner hahaha)
Hey I have teo be patient with myself
But grab rides are hard cus i cant escape the radio lol
Haish nerd
Am continuing to pray for strength

+==edit==+
13.35pm

# to always count my blessings

+==edit==+
22.10pm

Oh no am in tears reading all the birthday messages
Alhamdulillah for everyone you put in my life ya Allah.
Protect and bless them always!

+==edit==+
23.59pm

Happy birthday to me.
Happier days, and success ahead insyaallah!

04.34am

Been some days since im awake at this timing ive been falling asleep accidentally
Just here to express how everyone has been so nice to me today I just. I cant comprehend but I truly appreciate and needed their kindness.
All praises to Him for sending such souls in my life.
Everyone who talked to me or texted me today have all been amazing I cant even.
All I can do is pray that their kindness is returned tenfold, and do the same for them

+==edit==+
12.01pm

I hate hearing songs
Walked to the kitchen to hear kb94 on the radio and I hate that lyrics have to be so sad
Eww
Give me a bREAK pls
Also the weather is so gloomy-
Same.

But also I really shouldnt complain
Live in the present and in this present I have to get ready for a family gathering
Remember how tough it was during circuit breaker when we couldnt see each other and take this as a blessing
I hope there's babies there?
If not I have to find my own entertainment i just dont want to be alone with my thoughts no time for emo

+==edit==+
15.26pm

Did I mention I hate hearing songs
Cause I do
(I know i mentioned it already this is just a spiteful complain)

+==edit==+
21.49pm

Why do I feel extra lonely right now
Honestly dk who I can talk to but also why the heck am I thinking that way when I dont even usually talk to people
Literally, My loneliness is killing me.
Ok drama
Like I just wanna sleep cause I dont want to feel but I cant even fall asleep
Oh please help me get over this torture soon

+==edit==+
22.29pm

Ok I know I should be at peace with things and my brain knows that
Im just giving my heart space to grieve thats all
I had a really lovely and blessed day but it was not easy pretending to be completely happy
It was hard to put in effort to smile and laugh and talk
It was hard to deflect questions and desperately finding distractions

10.16am

Most days in a row i've been missing but it was for a valid reason
I had a terrible past few days (last night was beautiful though, bittersweet but mostly relief)
But I just wanted to come and laud how Allah gave me relief so consistently, and i'm so thankful he gave me the capacity to comprehend that whatever random thing that happens are all in his power.
I've met the friendliest strangers the past 2 days (neighbours, grab/taxi drivers, random passersby) and it reminded me that there always will be good in the world.
I may not be able to live my days having the same spring in my step and constant joy deep within my heart- at least for the time being- but i'll always get reminders that i'm cared for and loved.
My heart is shattered but I will be okay. We will be ok.
I have to be grateful for what happened and be excited for what happens next.
Heartbreak is the worst feeling and I would never wish that upon my worst enemy.
But i'm thankful that being put in this situation, god is not leaving me without help, support, and constant reminders.
I have officially loved and lost, but I dont see it as a loss at all.
It was an honour being cared for the way I had been for the past 6 months, and it has been the greatest joy being able to make someone feel loved.
I hate writing this out or telling people because it means it's real, but in order for my heart to move on I cant afford to keep harbouring so much hope.
It has always been my fear that I lose someone when i'm/we're still very much in love and care for each other, and that's exactly what happened
Part of me is screaming at me asking why im making this so complicated- ive always been a person who does things that makes me happy without thinking so much, but I forgot that not everyone has the same way of thinking.
I wished we chose happiness.
But i'm sure we'll find it along the way.
Ive heard both very hurtful and nice things the past few days, and i'll only hold on to the nice.
Alhamdulillah for life, the good and bad.
Allah I put my heart in your hands, give me healing and strength. I put my trust in you fully that you know what's best for us.
And Allah keep him safe and happy, please.

+==edit==+
11.17am

Chiqa is honestly the best
Idk if she knows that im upset but she came into the room and gave me snacks and she just fed me rendang
I cry

+==edit==+
12.10pm

Currently feeling so so sad.
But I dont want to cry.

+==edit==+
15.53pm

Tell me why im listening to jojo siwa songs right now
Hahhaa

+==edit==+
16.03pm

Sometimes im not even thinking anything but when everything is quiet, like right now, all I am able to feel is this emptiness and sense of loss.
And then I just sob.
No reason why, just the heavy feeling.
Also writing really helps let it out also forces me to deal with my thoughts so I cant feel so much
Ok bye

14.37pm

Being on campus for the first time for actual school is crazy
So many humans so little space
Everything is cordoned and the shortcuts we once had are now long cuts
Help
Be safe everyone

16.33pm

Ive been a human
Slept before 2am I believe and had breakfast and sat in a 3 hour philosophy seminar
What a fruitful feeling morning
Then had a chill afternoon before going back to work later after early dinner
Im not complaining

15.33pm

Put on my earpiece to listen to class but
I fell asleep most of the time
Should I drop that class
Hahahaha jk hais

+==edit==+
19.15pm

Currently in a business lecture and I cant deal with singapore style teaching
Read; foonspeeding
Philo classes have pampered me with the major lack of unnecessaries
My profs be like: yall know it yall can check urself ask me if anything but all is there
Which makes more sense??? We r in unI???
ALSO totally my style
I wanna learn content please move on soon thkZ kind prof

Also im not being complainer ok it's just a preference and seemigly an outdated thing to do but i also get how some learners would need this
Ok bye

04.57am

Shouting wont make you more comprehendable.

+==edit==+
10.46am

The past few days no matter what time I sleep i'll wake up at 10
And I dont nap within the day
Definitely feel more tired like a nap would help but my body has no interest in falling asleep which is GooD
Just had breakfast huhu

+==edit==+
12.46pm

Dang the inability to nap is real
I will keep almost falling asleep and being like yEs finally!! and my brain says Sike u are awake as awake as can be

+==edit==+
16.27pm

How can people prefer being uncomfortably cold than hot
Cold is painful
Once it hits ur bones u cant do anything but wait for it to feel better on its own
Anyway thankful that our weather in sg does not reach extremes

20.57pm

First time taking the train after phase 2 started?
I dont even know if it is hahahaa or maybe 2nd idk but definitely first time alone
The mask helps in my desp(actio)ication of people being able to see your face
But like.
The crowd is still meh
Actually if there's one place I support masks being compulsory it's INSIDE THE TRAIN!!!
Yay im a mystery

ps totally spelt despacito wrong but i like it

05.25am

Got almpst exactly 5 hours of sleep (I typed 12 instead wow anyhow)
Havent felt this tired in so long but I guess tiredness is a blessing cause without it we'd take rests for granted
Also how problematic that we'd rather tank the pain than speak the mind just because of respect

+==edit==+
10.06am

Theoretically I have had more than enough rest
So tell me why im still snuggling (what the weirdest word to use ew hahaha)
Ok i blame the rain

04.05am

I had a literal full night's sleep and woke up at midnight
Beautiful
But my cells need recuperation so I should probably nap a bit more
Just watched the Truman show
The number of thoughts that is in the inside of my cranium's protection right now man
Needa hold on to the thoughts till later
Huhu
I ate (legitish) mexican food for the first time (maybe) for lunch!
Grabfooded and saved almost 50% from the current deals lol
I got soft shelled tacos
And I must say it was pleasant but not like so amazing I will buy again
Instead it made me think to eat it again but by making it myself muehehe
However I must mention it was meat free chilli con carne which was so cool
I felt healthy for no reason hahaha
Fake meat tastes and feel like meat
Im so proud of the vegan community for this invention (hahaha anyhow idek who created it thanks scientists or random grandma at home)
Ok

+==edit==+
10.15am

Ate half a bag of chips for breakfast cause I couldnt decide what to eat
Maybe I should go to a shop and buy hotdogs and bread and stuff idek

+==edit==+
20.56pm

Im exhausted in more ways than one
Perhaps the no sleep is messing with me big time

04.01am

I survived first day of school
And do you know that universities are overrated
Ultimately it's a mindless machine producing not much content
The staff are also paid to do not much
Im sure there are the sincere ones who are passionate for their jobs and puts their hearts and soul and life into it
But what I hate seeing are those who does duty without heart
What good are you?

+==edit==+
08.32am

Okay I have a class in an hour and it's strictly physical
I think my prof yesterday pampered us with (reasonable) options so today's lesson feels very forced hahaha
I really dont feel like going all the way just to be bored out of my mind and not absorbing anything and in a MASK!!!
Jellybird
How
Do I skip it altogether I think thats highly likely just cause I just did my readings and my brain is rejecting content
Whatmore if it comes from the prof (who is very nice, btw, from past experience!!! Just you know some people's voice are too soothing u are lulled)
But now im already awake so it feels like a waste to not go
I wont be surprised if I ended up going honestly hahaha I already feel my body urging me to go get ready now
Lolll

+==edit==+
08.38am

Just saying, I am indeed in the shower right now
Dk whether to say Alhamdulillah for this internal push cause ive never felt it powerful enough to actually move me
Meh fine no regrets imma eat breakfast to wake myself up after this

+==edit==+
09.51am

I got ready
I ate breakfast packed my bag and was gonna book grab
So why am I still blogging

+==edit==+
09.58am

Okokok so right after I booked a grab I realise it's not worth it so I cancelled
930 (10 at most) or not at all man
So im just gonna go chill with my coffee maybe not change back into my pjs in case I wanna go out anyways

08.47am

Up until 2 minutes ago I was still deciding whether to head to school
But then my Leave home alarm rang
So I guess it's home based learning today huhu
Read half the notes before realising that I prefer listening to the lecture first then refer to the notes if necessary so I stopped lol
Now I have to stay awake or take a nappity nap
Also can I just say as an almost daily youtube user, im hating the new youtube
Hate is an understatement
Im just perplexed as to why they see the need to change what has been working so well
Gross and idk how my fav youtubers are still tolerating the new policies
Honestly just waiting for another non-youtube youtube platform to emerge
One that doesnt bug me to buy premium and doesnt ban comments for family friendly contents
Sucha shame bois and gals

22.40pm

Basically hibernated today again
But it's ok cause school starts in 12 hours
Still deciding whether to do it online or go to school
Maybe first lesson online would be good but i'd feel bad if nobody is in class or like only 2 people are there
Dang it

Happy national day! (10.32am)

It's a mircale
Not even a minute after I woke up the siren sounded
Hahaha yay my body making sure I wasnt rudely awakened by it

+==edit==+
12.48pm

Had half cup of hot coffee for breakfast and then added ice to it to pair with lunch
It always tastes better when someone else makes it for you huhu thanks momma
I got a solid 4 hours of sleep last night which was a pleasant surprise
I just hope it doesnt increase by 2 more hours so soon cause school is starting and I have 3 morning classes in a week
But also my prof (at least 1 of them) is making in person attendance not compulsory
So yay (yay cus i hate missing class but i also hate travelling to school so the option of a livestream is the beST of both worlds!!!)
I can philosophy in the peace of my home or wherever I want to go on that day muehehe
Okay bye

+==edit==+
13.59pm

Do u know what app I weirdly (ok not really) miss using?
It's the piano app
Hahahaha i miss rehearsals

09.55am

Have been effectively having 2 hour sleeps from 7-9am or 5-7am and it's great
Except if when school starts my body stops doing this I would be asdhsisjol
But for now im embracing it
It's national day eve!
I love national day

+==edit==+
13.06pm

It is pretty silly to go to school just for one lesson a day in this situation
Before this i'd do that cause I know afterwards would be hmx time
But ive always dreaded going to school if there were no hmx prospects in sight
This sem though im ok but like
Cant lectures just be online for everyone's safety
I dont mind going to school cause excuse to go out but stillll
Not important kot
Idk why im saying this
I feel nappy
Perhaps soon for another 2 hours idk
I should lunch but im still full from breakfast
Have been eating on time in attempt to make my circadian rhythm sync with the sunrise and sunset hahahahah but not working but eh
K bye

10.07am

Actually got some sleep like between 4-7am

+==edit==+
13.28pm

Genuinely miss being with hmx doing nonsense everyday
But also I just drank surprise liho that appeared in my fridge
Also I planned to buy 2 tights because I want but they were on offer so now I have 3
And I feel so powerful
I feel like I can wear anything

+==edit==+
19.50pm

Fell asleep at idk what time and woke up thinking it's 6am imagine my shock to see the time
I feel not great
Bleargh

10.34am

The worst kind of hurt is in defending another
Unable to say anything but only being able to tank it in silence
Might break down but can never reveal the reasons why
You cant lead with hostility and expect me to reciprocate with warmth

+==edit==+
18.47pm

The thought of school starting in 4 days is slightly disturbing
I love my free time
But ok fine learning is good too

08.10am

Hmmm hmmmm hmmmmmmmmm i am awake i am awake i havent slept i am awake

+==edit==+
11.52am

I have not sung for myself in months
Spent the last half hour singing and it feels nice to belt and scream and realise how simultaneously better and worse i sound
Better cause lack of formal rehearsal mean i revert to my natural tendencies and tone
Worse cause... idk i kinda forgot how i sound so i cant gauge
And now my throat hurts cause girl cant be bothered with healthy singing who is she again
Had breakfast with iced milo earlier today
Doesnt feel like I havent slept it feels like I have woken up after a good night's rest
To be fair I did have a lovely night making an impromptu hmx video with the help of fairy assistant
Okie what to do todayyyyy

+==edit==+
23.54pm

Slept the whole day away but im being kind to myself especially since school is starting soon
I got the most AUs I have gotten in years so that is excellent news alhamdulillah
I just miss the relief of having my weds nights occupied thats all
But safety first

19.48pm

I havent watched HSM in so long
No wonder my life feels incomplete
Gotta do it soon bet on it before i walk away (al)together this is not fabulous

23.39pm

Would do this more often, honest

10.17am

You know i'll always have phases where I genuinely want to pursue wrestling
But I always manage to psych myself out
Random but hahahah maybe one day i'll be more decisive

+==edit==+
14.53pm

I am thankful everyday that we live in a country where law is so enforced I feel safe cause everyone around me is wearing a mask and they HAVE to and we dont have to deal with idiots like elsewhere (at least in public, crowded places)
Look at all of us playing our part awww friendships
Hahahha ew
Also I finally liked some shoes enough to buy them
And I finally got heeeels since charles and keith hasnt been serving my taste the past year
Can we believe school is starting soon im both ew nooo my holidaysss and oh okay yay learning
Im blogging cause im waiting for people to choose perfume
I wanna nap soon okay I havent slept yet

+==edit==+
22.19pm

Kay got to sleep and hour... then two... then 3 so good
The cut on my lip had healed the past few days (felt like completely) but suddenly this morning it hurt again while I was eating breakfast so my sudden craving to eat stuffd burrito is gonna have to wait