Most days in a row i've been missing but it was for a valid reason
I had a terrible past few days (last night was beautiful though, bittersweet but mostly relief)
But I just wanted to come and laud how Allah gave me relief so consistently, and i'm so thankful he gave me the capacity to comprehend that whatever random thing that happens are all in his power.
I've met the friendliest strangers the past 2 days (neighbours, grab/taxi drivers, random passersby) and it reminded me that there always will be good in the world.
I may not be able to live my days having the same spring in my step and constant joy deep within my heart- at least for the time being- but i'll always get reminders that i'm cared for and loved.
My heart is shattered but I will be okay. We will be ok.
I have to be grateful for what happened and be excited for what happens next.
Heartbreak is the worst feeling and I would never wish that upon my worst enemy.
But i'm thankful that being put in this situation, god is not leaving me without help, support, and constant reminders.
I have officially loved and lost, but I dont see it as a loss at all.
It was an honour being cared for the way I had been for the past 6 months, and it has been the greatest joy being able to make someone feel loved.
I hate writing this out or telling people because it means it's real, but in order for my heart to move on I cant afford to keep harbouring so much hope.
It has always been my fear that I lose someone when i'm/we're still very much in love and care for each other, and that's exactly what happened
Part of me is screaming at me asking why im making this so complicated- ive always been a person who does things that makes me happy without thinking so much, but I forgot that not everyone has the same way of thinking.
I wished we chose happiness.
But i'm sure we'll find it along the way.
Ive heard both very hurtful and nice things the past few days, and i'll only hold on to the nice.
Alhamdulillah for life, the good and bad.
Allah I put my heart in your hands, give me healing and strength. I put my trust in you fully that you know what's best for us.
And Allah keep him safe and happy, please.
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11.17am
Chiqa is honestly the best
Idk if she knows that im upset but she came into the room and gave me snacks and she just fed me rendang
I cry
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12.10pm
Currently feeling so so sad.
But I dont want to cry.
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15.53pm
Tell me why im listening to jojo siwa songs right now
Hahhaa
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16.03pm
Sometimes im not even thinking anything but when everything is quiet, like right now, all I am able to feel is this emptiness and sense of loss.
And then I just sob.
No reason why, just the heavy feeling.
Also writing really helps let it out also forces me to deal with my thoughts so I cant feel so much
Ok bye