00.30am

Hi everyone welcome to my blog
Today im gonna prank my body clock
The past few days ive been so tired but unable to sleep but i still try
So tonight even though im so tired I should in theory knock out right as my head hits the pillow, im gonna wake myself up by drinking coffee (why do sleep metaphors sound so violent and the opposite of rest)
Hahahah ok la actually it's cause Along offered to make coffee right as I was gonna try and sleep and I cant say no to coffee (fake news, i can and i do loll i usually drink 1 cup a day so when a 2nd cup is offered i almost always say no what discipline)
K bye gonna drink gotchu body clock

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11.08am

Sometimes the line between if a food is genuinely good or it's healthy so you convince yourself it's good is so blur it's amazing (i ate mini walnut raisins toast and i cant tell if i like it or if it's bland it's both at the same time)
Also I have been waking up tired these few days so idk why there is a diminished quality of sleep out of nowhere when there's no changes to my routine other than the lack of physical activities ok thats probably why then
Lol
Cause i did get good rests regardless of how I felt that day
Woke up to my hike alarm but again, was too tired i didnt even want to force myself to wake up
Vaccination in a few hours and of course, bismillah for this mini effort to protect not just myself but the people around me who are unable to be vaccinated
As muslims we should not only pray but also put in effort and insyaallah if this is the next best step we can do, we do it with the intention of good!!
God ease our affairs amin

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13.37pm

Humans.
The weather is ridiculously beautiful!!!!
Im not going home

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14.19pm

Omg!! Ed and lorraine warren were NEIGHBOURS growing up
What is this ridiculous love story

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14.35pm

I brought shades out but i dont even wanna wear it cause my eyes love the sunshine
Also yes when everyone said the process was very fast it was very fast from the moment I walked in to when I got vaccinated it was less than 5 mins and 25 mins later I was released so all in all it took about half hour
And bonus there's literally One bus here and it goes straight to my house!
Also this was the CC hmx sat in while waiting for our ndp gig hahahaha literally where havent i gone with hmx i miss them

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22.04pm

I knew it
I fell asleep around 8 and I had hopes i'd sleep through the night and be a morning bird again but nope woke up 2 hours later
Managed an almost 5km hike because by the time we reached hort park it was sundown so we terminated
Also I drank a cup of water right before falling asleep, and I woke up parched
But eh thanks body for signalling me to drink water if not I wont go out of my way to torture myself (and then the vaccination lady's "drink lots of water tonight" will replay in my head)
Hope I can fall asleep again soon
People: drink a bit of water
Me: 1 sip
People: drink lots of water
Me: 3/4 to 1 cup

00.55am

Not gonna force myself to fall asleep tonight
I am tired but does my brain care no it doesnt

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14.54pm

Everytime I watch kungfu panda I get reminded what a masterpiece it is

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19.23pm

Was all ready to go hiking today I even SLEPT like 3 hours and woke up at 6am to ele saying to change to afternoon hike
So I got ready at like 2pm
But by 5pm she was still showering so I just left home just to walk around the neighbourhood for like 10 mins before going back home
What. A. Bummer.
Im not going on an afternoon hike alone but im also NOT waiting for her to get ready so I just got home and back into my pyjamas
I registered for vaccination just now and im literally going for the first dose tomorrow hahahahah
But yay thanks gojek for sponsoring our trips to vaccination centres
If I can squeeze in a morning hike I will be very happy but also wont force anything whatever happens happens im just gonna set my alarm regardless
K bye

06.56am

No idea what time I managed to fall asleep probably before 2
Woke up to the weather forecast saying rain but hmph the last time I believed it the day was beautiful and sunny

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14.53pm

I knew it
But also I woke up exhausted and kept going back to sleep
Tis what happens when you resist your body clock and force yourself to do things against your nature
Lol

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17.39pm

One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it- Master Oogway
To... Voldemort?

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19.04pm

What an uneventful day, work laptop kept crashing so I couldnt do anything, I didnt go out because I was too tired, wanted to cook but again, too tired for no reason hahahaha
But it okay
Tomorrow will be better I will make it better

01.09am

Was ready to try and fall asleep when chiqa gave me a plate of her new recipe; enoki mushrooms with samyang sauce/soup
It was good hahahaha but also woke me up

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12.37pm

Sometimes being offered tenderness seems like the very proof that you've been ruined
- Ocean Vuong

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20.48pm

Since tomorrow marks back to school for kiddos, I cant drag chiqa out for morning adventures
Guess i'll have to go hiking or beaching alone I mean ive done it once after a sleepless night and I didnt faint so I shant be dramatic haha hope tomorrow's weather is okay enough for a morning trail somewhere
Im readY

15.24pm

Throwback to yesterday when I said give me 20 paus and leave me alone
I made it happen to myself
I bought 6x6 packets of paus now I have 36 in the fridge
(Ok mama's fault i just wanted one of each flavours but she said take 2 of each)
I need to learn how to make the inside of a chicken pau so I can make myself a giant lor mai kai and eat it over a week
I also finally found and bought japanese curry stock!!! (No animals and no alcohol is the best we can do- can you believe there's no halal stock in singapore that I see on google? All said buy in malaysia lol)
Currently cozing at nenek's place rewatching the nun and still sighing over how much of a wasted potential it was!!!
But also did the character Valak ever expect to be such a star lol I never thought of how not too easy it is for horror movies to come up with new looking ghosts so Annabelle, Crooked man and Valak were really cool modern creations
Ok no more ghosts I cant tell if im hungry or not
I ate 1 pau with a tiny bit of rice for lunch what an interesting combo

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22.30pm

I need a word between tired and exhausted because thats what im feeling right now
Very tired seems too dramatic
Lethargic dont cut it either
Shagged is probably the closest
Okay but point is
Tired
Crashing but dehydrated so I shall drank before attempting to slep

04.50am

Officially ruined my body clock again accidentally
Set my alarm for the first time in a long time; thought of having an early morning hike but dont really want to go alone when im feeling vulnerable and since I dont feel like having company either I guess it's either another day at home or I gotta find something else to do
Feel better soon, dear self

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06.59am

"Tiring myself out" never usually work so idk why I still try lol
Also spoiler alert for myself: everything is going to be okay
All is well

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10.53am

As comforting as poetry is, sometimes they romanticize pain so much it makes you want to be in pain
Science, however hahhaahaha
Aka im googling why im sad and reading about all the hormonal changes affecting chemical activities in your brain makes me look at emotions more objectively and makes me more inclined to be patient with myself
Either way, both science and art says it's ok, it's normal, it will get better and Be kind to yourself!!!!
(spoken like someone who's ending her period loll whatever the cause I embrace feeling good)

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11.26am

You know what im thankful for?
Coffee

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11.45am

Noone:
My brain on power saving mode: aku slalu tersenyum, me (forgets lyrics but melody continues) SAMPAI WAKTUNYA NANTI KAN KU CERITA PADA DUNIAA (forgets lyrics again)
Is it forgetting if I never knew in the first place hahha it's not
But yes the Hafiz AJL34 performance keeps replaying in my head!!!
Literally watching a colleen vlog right now and the performance is the 4th recommended video stop making me rewatch it because i'll always do
I thought my chicken paus were done steaming cause mama said 5 mins but the inside was FROZEN ok I guess cause the filling is not like honey chicken pau
I bet it's ready by now and im ready for it too

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12.09pm

Right now I want to eat nothing else but chicken pau just give me 20 and leave me alone

11.24am (24th June 2021)

At this point I shall just blame my period for this excessive sadness
I wake up, think of sad and spend the whole day in bed trying to find things that can distract me for 2 minutes at a time
Trying to find strength to move or even eat
But feeling so numb and lifeless, I just dont even try
Go to bed, and hope I can fall asleep
Hope I dont dream sad things
And hope I dont wake up sad again.
Boring.
But oh well,
It's always darkest before the dawn

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15.48pm

There's posts from this page called dead.literatures on instagram and every single time I see a quote that resonates so deep within and I see who posted, it's the exact same page
But I cant bring myself to follow it
Too accurate
It's like my inner self is the one running the page

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17.53pm

When im sad i dont want to talk to anyone
When i dont talk to anyone i get more sad
Whats my problem

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19.01pm

Cooked. Did one thing today yay and it made me feel better also cause the food turned out amazing (ok la playcheat used the paste mama already made lol but still)
Also I guess shopp (hahahaha ok wait) shopee's advertisements failed cause i tried to google it to look for racks but i typed shoppee and like nothing was autofilled so
But also fake news i'll probably just go out and buy tomorrow
I need to rearrange my makeup
But also im wondering if it was the biscoff ice cream I had (and bought like... 2 or 3 days ago it was in my freezer) that made me feel better
Eating it made me realise that like mcflurry, it's literally overpriced vanilla ice cream with cheap cookies
Although macs vanilla ice cream is delicious by itself
Time to make my own mcflurries lets all be smart together
I guess ice cream do make you feel better

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19.12pm

The concept of sedekah is so beautiful
Especially if you realise that even the simplest act of being patient, teaching someone something, smiling at them, are all insyaallah accepted as sedekah
Even those who has nothing to give, can claim its rewards
Also yes I blogged yesterday but didnt post I thought of backlogging but it does not look nice on the webpage so back to daily blogging it is

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19.21pm

Chiqa just came to the room and gave me a thumbs up (thumbs down cause we speak in opposites) and said I can open my own restaurant cause "the mac and cheese you made don't really taste like mac and cheese, taste like truffle mac and cheese" (translated for your benefit)
HAHAH I said No i dont want to chop onions
But thank you that is a high praise (or is that just a ploy to make me cook more)

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22.22pm

Nights are just hard

11.12am (23rd June 2021)

Cant afford to wake up sad and go to sleep sad

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12.36pm

Imagine having such a good tone you can just sing nonsensically and still sound good
Also it takes a level of narcassicm to perform solo on stage I just realised
I AM narcassistic so why am I so uncomfortable lolll for someone who loves the spotlight I sure dont seem like it

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19.45pm

Today I learnt that the crooked man from conjuring 2 is not CGI
He is a crooked man
Talent

01.17am

D:
Slightly miserable the past 4 hours
Literally binge watching judy's vlogs from 2016 waiting for myself to fall asleep
Oh while we were picnicing we saw probably 4 year old triplets walk into the area all wearing their kindy uniforms and dragging a truck by a string each
So cute

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05.46am

Rain woke me up
Surprisingly feeling better except wew cold

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10.44am

Have been lazing around the past hour
Gonna get breakfast and then decide what to do
Feeling 75% will probably feel better as the day goes
Did I mention I was craving chicken pau but like everytime I go 7 11 it's SOLD OUT and then yesterday I saw frozen paus inside the fridge omggg hahaha mama being telepathic to my food wants
And today she steamed it so they're patiently waiting for me in the kitchen now
KBYE

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11.59am

Missing hmx a bit extra since nitin sent us that group hug selfie
♡

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13.21pm

Can you believe
I dumped coffee into the sink
Ok so I usually spread my cup of morning coffee over 3 cups on ice over several hours- so I was gonna fill the last third with ice so I was holding the cup while talking to chiqa then out of habit (after I wash my cups I usually do a final tip over to get rid of the excess water) but usually I do it on the floor cause usually there's nothing inside
But I dumped the "excess water" in the sink LUCKILY but when I saw it was coffee I was sHook!!!
I was so looking forward to that last bit of coffee
Wtheck ive never done that before but yes its hurt
Ok bye

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14.04pm

I just saw a video of Hafiz, Judika, Afgan, Taufik and Hazama singing onstage together and wth lucky I wasnt there just by seeing those names together I foresee myself melting into a puddle
These are people who are known for their romantic tones (like add hady mirza into that mix his tone is also so soothing)
Like how dare the concert organizers put these humans together cause the video is filled with screaming fans and it's SO annoying cause I just wanna hear their voices together purely pls

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16.07pm

Do you know it's a struggle when you want to hear singers singing live but all the songs are sad and I still cant listen to sad songs I cant find it in me to listen to the song objectively but also thats the point of music is to not be objective
Boo.
I hate having a heart

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17.50pm

Tried to sleep to distract from the pain but it continued in my dreams making me wake up to escape from the pain
Hahahah im living in a comedy where's the punchline pls

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21.57pm

Just gonna do what I do best; shut off from the world and cry
I know i'll pick myself up eventually again
This cycle gets quite old and tiring but i'll be ok with it because one day I wont feel these things anymore
One day i'll be happy again
But for tonight,
Let these tears soothe my aching heart.
I dont even know why suddenly but lol cant fight it i tried

03.36am

Got woken up by the cold
Literally sleeping with no ventilation to stay warm but alas

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20.07pm

I thought i'd be too lazy to talk to my grab driver but this uncle was entertaining he even told me ghost story hahaha
Had a very impromptu day
I asked chiqa if she wanted to go afternoon hike so we went to mount faber and then we looked at the cable car and each other and thats the story of how we ended up taking it into sentosa for a short picnic before taking it back to mount faber and now we're home
Lovely weather alhamdulillah
Tired now

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22.22pm

Not feeling too snazzy bleahh
Amusing cause I was just thinking last night about how long it has been since I felt unwell why did i jinx myself jkk
Probably it's the contrast between the very hot day and cold night and my body is confused ahaha and I know it's not even cold tonight but still
Speaking of being well I should register for vaccination soon
My last jab was 4 (?) years ago for the bondo trip which is quite recent I guess
My whole extended family (that we're in close contact with) have been almost fully vaccinated im actually surprised im the last one I always assumed i'd be the first hahaha
Not even procrastinating or whatever it's just cause I have to register myself and I keep not putting it first in my to do list but I shall do that soon probably tomorrow idk
I think my body clock is changing again
Woke up many times but finally had strength to get up at like 10 which is the latest ive been up
Oh noo I enjoyed being an extreme morning bird like it was so extreme 9am felt LATE to me
Lolol but maybe it's time to greet nighttime like an old friend (not quoting harry potter at all)
Hope to feel better when I wake up (hope I even fall asleep soon???)
Kay wish me luck goodnight (hahahaha sleep or marathon whats the difference both need so much effort pfft)

04.38am

Haish forced myself to fall asleep yesterday it was so hard it reminded me how much I dont like sleeping
Kept waking up every few hours but still tired so like why did u wake me up u brAIN but fine

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14.47pm

Why am I down again I thought I was climbing up the happiness and wellbeing ladder and suddenly im finding myself back at square one
Oh well
Being patient is the only thing that can help me now

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17.02pm

Did I ever mention how I never used to have cravings for food like I will feel like eating whatever food is in front of me (means if no food then I dont feel like eating- how easy)
But today just today I wanted some sort of rice with soup and mama bought some on her way back from class (i was looking at grabfood but she called and was like What do u wanna eat like kebab, rice with soup, noodles; like what are the odds my exact craving is in the list)
She actually asked if I wanted to go vivo but I can already guess it'd be super crowded whatmore with father's day
And then ok she bought it, it's still in the kitchen now I havent touched it and now I want Japanese curry.
To be fair ive been craving it for quite long now lolll I think since monster planet announced its existence
But also watching judy's vlogs and they always eat it and I get reminded of secondary school recess because it's what I eat almost everyday
The next time I go to ntuc I will look for the stocks
Haish
Ok im not even hungry but the thought of soup is so delicious right now
I feel like I can fall asleep too though I havent been taking naps the past 2 weeks it's straight up proper sleep
Still feeling a bit down but judy's vlogs are cheering me up baby leah is too much (of course ballingers whenever they post)

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20.52pm

Feeling like a Hike tomorrow morning but im probably starting a new job scope, idk, no way of telling so I shant have hope for now
Also it's raining and tonight I wont force myself to sleep even though it's good for me lol I do what I want ok me this whole time my sleep schedule has been so good not due to forcation anyways
(after typing all these im tired already hahahah)

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22.55pm

Tis the latest im awake in many days
Cmon man let me go back to 8pm bedtimes

14.03pm

Home alone Saturday
No idea where everyone went

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18.14pm

A relaxing, uneventful afternoon filled with self care led to me almost grabfooding but decided to cook instead
I accidentally put cold butter in an overheated pan and it smoked and I was thinking Thank gosh my house dont have fire detectors lol and 2 seconds later- IT BEEPED!!!
So yes thats how I got reminded that HDB installed a fire detector a few months ago in our living room cause my neighbourhood has had several fire breakouts (due to overcharging/overused sockets)
And dang it it was So freakin loud I did what I saw people in movies do and opened the door and used a cloth to yeet the smoke out
Then I walked away to google how to stop it and it stopped but right as I came back it activated again so I climbed a chair and pressed whatever button I could feel
Omg lucky I can reach oK HAHAHA
It was SO LOUD I was annoyed for my neighbours and I didnt know if it would auto activate the fire department so I was like Plspls stop noisy u
So thats the story of my first time activating a fire detector ew (but i can see how it can be useful in emergency situations so thank you whoever invented it)
But also lolll my peaceful day was heavily disturbed
Funny though
Finished making (what I thought would be failed) psuedo mac and cheese
But it's not bad
I think the cheeses are too mild but the good thing is it makes it not jelak like can eat the whole pot
Gonna try new cheese and remake for chiqatito who has been requesting it for years because once upon a time I made mac n cheese anyhow and she said it was her favourite ever but alas idk what I used, how I did it, so I kept putting it off hahahahaha
Ok bye back to peace but not really cause this heart is just jumping everywhere I thought I was already okay apparently not very

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20.52pm

Wow my queso sauce has thickened into this beautiful I want to eat you like a soup and dip everything in you fondue consistency
I remember putting condensed milk in there lOL ok I put whatever I want ok it's good I think next time 3 types of cheese will make it even better
I dont know cheese tastes and types ok I only eat what is infront of me
Ok bedtime soon probably though im surprisingly not sleepy yet I woke up at 8 as usual this morning
Everyone is still out
Means I will probably be awakened by them coming back later aiyaiyai

08.17am

I love how sleeping in means im awake at 8am

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09.42am

What a gloomy morning like my emotions hahaha but radio said it'll clear up by midday so same

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18.39pm

Ryde I loved you but like everything you decide to annoy the heck out of me with the boost function
Stop it!!!

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22.39pm

Hey unfair I fell asleep at usual sleep time like 830pm so why am I awake now >:(
Have only been sleeping through the night but ohhh ok I think I know why hahhaha my subconscious reminding me to remove my makeup omg

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23.00pm

Ok done hahaha okay so right before I fell asleep I was thinking Oh no my makeup and then It's ok wake up soon to wash
And really my body woke me up 2 hours later
My head just hit the pillow once more and I feel sleepy again so goodnight

08.41am

Good morning

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10.13am

Some people just don't have the ability to see the good in things and people
And I pity them for it is one of the greatest weakness a man can have

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19.16pm

Dont want to go home when im feeling this down
You know a few years ago I read a story on fb about a guy who taps the same tree on his way back home as his way of leaving behind any negative feelings so he dont bring the pain of work to his home
Since reading that whenever I feel sad or tired I tap a wall on my way home so I can enter my house with only positive feelings because noone deserves to be greeted with negativity that is not their fault
I just did it 2 seconds ago.
Ready to be home

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20.01pm

Went out to marsiling just to grab some lipstick and perfume that I bought from malaysia
Got to enter the newly renovated woodlands interchange and got quite emotional thinking of how once upon a time that was my daily commute to school
But also maybe one day I can hang out with a human who actually wants to hang out with me (not that im entertaining)
In the meanwhile i'll enjoy either solitude or hanging out with people who didnt ask for me around lolll
Hashtag so much self love hashtag mercury doing renegade hashtag sad girl hour hashtag this too shall pass

03.35am

Have been ignoring everyone in this journey of spiritual awakening
Dreaming of a hiking morning today but I need to nap a bit more
Fell asleep at like 7.30pm im one of those people hahah (cue me watching judy's vlogs and her saying their bedtime is sometimes 8pm and im like How but now im sleeping earlier than them)

Just established that i cry so much because there has to be someplace i release pain since i dont do "coping mechanisms"
Okay bye gonna try and sleep 2-3 more hours also i had no reason to have the space between the two lines above

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06.27am

Morning
A bit tired still

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10.38am

Can I just say how proud (?) Happy? I am that in both insidious and conjuring the heroes are women and it makes sense cause higher intuition anyway but also how in Insidious we have single lady Ellise and in conjuring Lorraine has her husband by her side it's lowkey a cool little detail in these stories
I feel like doing something adrenaline pumping ive been looking at high elements the past hour
Hahahaha but actually watching conjuring alone is adrenaline pumping

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11.18am

You know what's a missed opportunity aka pls make it happen-
It's James wan being malaysian and not making malaysian horror which is 50x scarier than western ghosts
Unless he's leaving that job to me but i'll be too scared to film cause too close to real life
Im sure I can direct (and write maybe) great horror movies hahahaha
Ok the writing part would be more challenging actually- The Nun is a proof it was so very well done but with unsatisfactory storyline
Also what am I doing watching behind the scenes of conjuring instead of being out and about
Also one of my fav things in Conjuring 3 is when Ed recommends the lawyer to meet Annabelle to prove the existence of demons like what a badass he knows for sure that Annabelle will do her work well
Hahahaha dk if cute or creepy

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23.50pm

Just got home and settled down
It is way past my bedtime
I will crash soon I know it

04.15am

Good morning
I actually got to go home at 12pm yesterday, hahaha
Seized the day i'll talk about it soon
Now im thinking of the delicious food in the kitchen that mama cooked yesterday
I want

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13.07am

Actually went back to sleep till like 8
Had a lazy morning just had breakfast and youtube
Luckily I havent gone out because just got a call I need to be on my work laptop at a certain time today wew
Watched Conjuring 3 yesterday because I cant wait anymore but honestly I would want to watch it again
It was good I enjoyed it!!!
The ending scene (notice i said scene-singular- ok I only stan Married couples) just completely eliminate the scary parts in the best way
(but hahaha fun fact isit fun since the start of my social media life I never like posts of couples but once they get married- sis or bro please do take all my likes I like x2) (sometimes if they non muslims and the context is really nice then i will like but still)
Ok what the heck am i talking about
Oh yes the warrens
Okay hear me- the movie was quite harry potteresque in which lorraine can see herself from the evil's POV (harry and voldy/nagini, anyone???)
And of course we all know power of love will win hahaha ew
But yayyy even though the ghost guy so funny he is like troll in the dungeon if i see him idk if i will scream run or laugh first then run or attempt to push him over he is giant
Ok bye

Oh wait i finally restocked my skincare and i bought sunscreen so I can go hiking and beach again without worrying about sunburn again lol responsible
I miss acaing
Pls i want to sing somewhere over the rainbow

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15.14pm

Have been looking for ghost pepper chips for awhile now
Where did they go D;

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18.51pm

Dk why I thought it was 9pm but it's not even 7
Surprised im not asleep yet!!!
I think cause I made myself sleep through the night last night weehee this means I am safe to out and about tomorrow

03.09am

Good morning world
Slept for the past 6 hours
Also I have no idea if im supposed to go office today i really hope not haish because if yes I should rest more

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06.44am

Got 2 more hours of sleep yay me???
And yes uninteresting news, I will be in the office today
It'll be the first time since fasting month so I have the additional job of thinking about food
Thank god ive been a morning bird anyway this past week so okay gonna get ready, have breakfast and prepare lunch
At least i'll be near vivo so I can roam later hehehe

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08.23am

The weather is beautiful again!!!
And my workplace is very near kent ridge park so im annoyed im not there right now
But yay got to eat breakfast aka i bought subway yesterday afternoon but fell asleep the whole time so I got to eat it this morning
Didnt have time to pack lunch ok brb

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13.11pm

I was having a good, peaceful and beautiful day but now I have tears in my eyes so i hate past me for making covers of sad songs and why did present me think she can listen to that and be ok lolol
It's ok back to happiness now

04.20am

Good morning
Tiredish
Still dont know why my legs hurt

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08.47am

Mama: i want go geylang
Me lazy to move: go ah
Mama: u dont want to follow ah
Me: nO IM TIRED- wait, geylang? Ok
Hahahaha first of all i need contact lens second im extrovert third my whole family has sunday plans except me so this morning trip shall be my sunday plan
Why cant we do escape rooms ALONE this is discrimination
Also im not that tired i just lazy to get ready lol

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11.26am

Just got home
I got bamboozled!!! Didnt even get anything I want because we stopped at the frozen food shop and that means mama buys groceries and Heck to the NO if im gonna carry those around so lol straight back it is
The weather is beautiful!
Also outside is so crowded even cars so yes you lot please stay home so i can go out
It's very sunny and windy today!!!
I was telling mama this is good weather to swim in the sea but my sunburn havent even got the chance to heal hahahaha not that i care
Ok byehehe bought so many exciting ingredients i can experiment with recipes yay

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17.06pm

Got an almost 3 hours nap
I feel so terrible to waste the beautiful day indoors but at the same time I just know outside will be crowded and i'd rather not so to comfort myself I shall say im staying home for health and safety
I hope there'll be more beautiful days like this in this upcoming week!!!
I might even head to the beach to read and paint and swim again- with sunscreen pfft

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19.07pm

Sleepy but trying to keep myself awake awhile longer
I remember when in sec school when there were rumours that there will be a literal mrt station right by the school but it will be ready in 2020 which was in 10 years from then and we were all like lol is it even true who has such long term visions
But now it really is built
Lolol

+==edit==+
19.24pm

Lowkey annoyed at my body like if youre so tired then go to sleep already????
Dont torture me like this

00.36am

Whoa
Everyday I wake up shocked that it's still nighttime
Managed to delay my bedtime to 7 plus pm just now in hopes that i'll sleep through the night and wake up closer to sunrise but but here we are barely 4 hours later
Looks like I might fall asleep once more in a few hours

+==edit==+
00.50am

People say Love is a choice as if it's supposed to be comforting, when the feelings fade
Is it not equally as bad, it being a choice?
Someone can just choose to stop anytime they want?
Lol but of course the idea of choice makes it more accountable ok bye lets not speak of emotions I have none
Woke up to Along telling me he bought bbq chicken rice for me so I strongly suspect I was sleeping when he asked the family what we wanted for dinner from 89.7
And I only ever order bbq chicken rice from there lollll (dont be fooled, everything there is good I just cant stop eating the same thing) my eating choices are so predictable or im a consistent person
Ironically im a bit dreading that it's the weekends cause I cant go out without there being crowd lolol

+==edit==+
03.16am

Btw just now while we were picnicing there were ants on the sand near us and I put a few drops of my lemongrass essential oil on the edges and they didnt come close!!!
Life hack
(yes i googled do ants hate lemongrass)

+==edit==+
06.56am

Did I say "im a bit dreading that it's the weekends" WHO WAS I 6 hours ago
So happy to not have work
Lol

Whoa
Everyday I wake up shocked that it's still nighttime
Managed to delay my bedtime to 7 plus pm just now in hopes that i'll sleep through the night and wake up closer to sunrise but but here we are barely 4 hours later
Looks like I might fall asleep once more in a few hours

+==edit==+
00.50am

People say Love is a choice as if it's supposed to be comforting, when the feelings fade
Is it not equally as bad, it being a choice?
Someone can just choose to stop anytime they want?
Lol but of course the idea of choice makes it more accountable ok bye lets not speak of emotions I have none
Woke up to Along telling me he bought bbq chicken rice for me so I strongly suspect I was sleeping when he asked the family what we wanted for dinner from 89.7
And I only ever order bbq chicken rice from there lollll (dont be fooled, everything there is good I just cant stop eating the same thing) my eating choices are so predictable or im a consistent person
Ironically im a bit dreading that it's the weekends cause I cant go out without there being crowd lolol

+==edit==+
03.16am

Btw just now while we were picnicing there were ants on the sand near us and I put a few drops of my lemongrass essential oil on the edges and they didnt come close!!!
Life hack
(yes i googled do ants hate lemongrass)

+==edit==+
06.56am

Did I say "im a bit dreading that it's the weekends" WHO WAS I 6 hours ago
So happy to not have work
Lol

+==edit==+
17.45pm

Mama just asked me if im free when i literally havent MOVED from my bed the past 15 hours
Ok drama i ate and showered but STILL
Want to go out because I cant afford to be left alone with my thoughts- not tonight at least
But it's...my....bedtime.....
HoW
Also my calves are suddenly hurting so bad why what did I do >:(

+==edit==+
18.21pm

Also my whole skin keeps stinging for "no reason" but then i suddenly remembered im sunburnt
Cant remember the last time i got sunburnt with pain

+==edit==+
23.48pm

1. Just got home from a pleasant turnaround day, lowkey raya visiting
2. Obviously I missed my bedtime this is usually the time I Wake up from my sleep
3. That means I was sleepy from the moment I left home but thanks to my extrovertness and coffee I survived and had fun- i slept on the grab ride to and fro... hahhaha
4. My sunburn hurts hello since when do i feel pain litrally the last time i experienced this was probably oh lets see... nEVER so who allowed me to feel stop it

02.42am

Whoa seems like im proper exhausted today for no reason
Slept almost 12 hours cause everytime I wake up and scroll my phone I fall back asleep
I thought it was like 8am now but hahahaha
Okayy
Also I know conjuring reviews are bad (we all expected it since james wan freakin moved to superheroes hello mr come back where u belong) but we gotta continue the tradition

+==edit==+
05.46am

You know how I always say I hope when im pregnant my baby craves water cause i'll never drink it otherwise, I used to include veggies in that list too
But as I grow up, I actually not only Dont mind veggies (but not within my maggi goreng i still love it plain) but sometimes I look for it
Which is such a good natural development and im not complaining
One day I just realised "actually yes, i would like some veggies in my meal"
It's not like I hated veggies but I always preferred not having them unless it's a good dish
I hated cabbages and lettuce specifically but I force myself to try everytime (like in mcspicy)
And now I have reached a point where I actually dont mind them (sure i'll make faces but at least I eat them)
I can force myself to eat things I dont like pretending they're good (thats how I can drink fresh milk now as a child I convinced myself it tastes like Condensed milk) until my tastebuds can accept them
But yes character development
Not water though
And tofu I still cant
And non hard boiled egg yolk (i learnt to force myself to eat hard boiled via mee rebus/laksa/mee siam cause the gravy covers up the taste hahahaha) but yes until now I will leave the yolk alone and make someone else eat it cause I hate wasting food but my taste buds CANNOT accept it

+==edit==+
08.11am

Wew did work for 2 hours straight- longest since wfh started
Cant tell what my body is feeling

+==edit==+
17.37pm

Way past my bedtime! But I guess it's cause of how long I slept yesterday
Had a fulfilling day after doing work
Went on a very short hike, sat on top of mount faber under the light drizzle while sketching the view, bought lunch and headed to sentosa beach all before noon
Read and swam and did more sketching before heading home
I feel so proud that I managed to tire myself out and now I am 3 shades darker but eh worth it but rip my new foundations
It was so nice reading inside the sea I wished my book was waterproof!!!!!
But also. The book. I bought my first chicken soup after almost a decade and this one is a toughie to get past
I keep rereading the same few goosebumps-inducing parts
So I think im less than 40 pages in cause every single stories hit my heart too hard I had to take frequent breaks and reread them
Talk about powerful
Also I had my supper at 5am and breakfast at 11am so that part of my existence still hasnt changed
Okay, I feel myself ready to lull my eyes are so heavy
Cant wait to buy new UnDRY contact lens
Kay goodnight world I hope I dont end up sleeping for 12 hours again (I hope not thats way too long thats 3 days worth of sleep dang it)

02.33am

Had a wacky dream.
I hope you're happy wherever you are

+==edit==+
05.00am

Weather forecast says rain late morning
Does this mean i can go out early morning

+==edit==+
10.54am

Dang it shouldve went with my feels and go hike the weather is so beautiful!
On the bright side I got work done
Happy about that

+==edit==+
11.44am

My bedtime has been 4-11pm but today since im not doing anything and im already sleepy I might have an earlier bedtime
Not insomniac just inverted bedtime I get 7 hours of sleep which is a lot but good
Not my fault ok my body clock is like this I try to stay awake between asar and maghrib but no matter what I do I cant I just knock out
But eh my sleep cycles are always phases so it'll eventually change but I kinda like this phase because im awake during the night which is peaceful, and mornings which can be eventful
But ok I shall try and watch videos to see if i'll fall asleep eyes quite heavy
Want to be at a scenic place reading chicken soup
Also conjuring seems to be coming out tomORROW instead liar pants on fire

04.13am

As per the last edit i did fall back asleep until like 11 hahahahaha
Ive been eating 2 meals a day which is good but like it's supper and breakfast so like only a few hours apart
Havent had my supper yet though so im gonna go soon
I actually wanted to make myself eat lunch after the outing just now but failed
I feel like going to the beach

+==edit==+
10.51am

Had breakfast and did some work
Wished I was splashing around at the beach or a pool right now
But not right now I just want to laze around a bit
Perhaps in the afternoon if I dont fall asleep

+==edit==+
14.03pm

What would you do if you knew you'd succeed?

+==edit==+
16.51pm

My eyes have been so heavy the past half hour i can barely open them but im too entertained by the things im reading in my memo
Regardless i can feel myself crashing soon

+==edit==+
21.29pm

Chiqa and I just experienced the same thing
Mama just woke me up to help her check grab and I woke up disoriented like what time is it
And then i heard chiqa wake up too and say "i thought it's already morning"
Same gurl
We've both been such night birds btw did she get my genes
In other words, i'll probably fall back asleep while she follows mama out

00.30am

Ok in the ideal life I will fall asleep by 1am and then wake up around 4 and then do work and then go hiking because today I failed to do so (I even got ready okay I wore my outfit but lol work zzZZ) (also it's not like im working overtime I just spread my office hours throughout the day)
But currently not the most at peace trying to distract myself by watching judy's vlogs and it helps but everytime it ends it's back to crisis lol

+==edit==+
01.55am

HOW IS IT 2AM i was supposed to try and sleep HAHAH
ForGEt it

+==edit==+
05.49am

I managed to sleep for 2 hours but I cant go hiking aGAIn i have been summonned by little human to accompany her

+==edit==+
13.23pm

I feel quite good
Just got back and settled down in front of work laptop once more
I did some work in the morning and then convinced chiqa that instead of her dragging me to toys r us at 1pm (she hasnt slept yet, and I said she will fall asleep by 1pm but she insisted she already drank coffee HAHAHA), I told her to shower right away and I drag her out to go hike (didnt even drag, she was excited to hear that) and then we end the trail at vivocity where she can get the giant toys r us for herself
So yayy grabbed to kent ridge park and began our... hour long hike
Cause we started at 10am the sun was already up and it was hott so I terminated our journey at hort park and we headed to vivo straightaway
Toys r us was so empty at one point it was only two of us in there
It was so fun though she suddenly wanted dolls again cause she is currently obsessed with sofia the first
Tsk
Also she used her own raya money to buy 2 dolls so I bought her one more as a treat heh
Wanted to catch conjuring 3 but it only comes out in 2 days aiyaiyai but yayyy excited
Got yole and sat by the bay before heading home
And that concludes our daytime adventure
It was so pleasant being outside and also I missed vivo so much cant remember the last time I went there so I was more than happy to be there
I planned on lunch, nap then work but now I have a bit more energy so I shall do work until I dont want to anymore
Okay byeee have a lovely day ahead
Im still locked out of my insta btw so sad cause I love looking through my own posts (archived included) hahhaha so lets hope it resolves soonest

+==edit==+
14.13pm

Yay did some work
Not even that tired honestly but my eyes are way too dry
I tried a new brand last month so maybe that is why
Idk usually with freshkon it doesnt get dry unless I go super over the limit but this one is weAk lol never again
Okay night night dont even know if im sleepy enough but

+==edit==+
14.59pm

Getting sleepier but I just wanted to come here and share a fun fact
Me and fatin have the exact same ringtone (orton's theme) and we both get shook and forget everytime one of our phone rings

+==edit==+
19.27pm

Finally fell asleep at 4.30pm so this by far the shortest afternoon rest since usually i'll wake up at 9 or 11pm wew
Still tiredish though

00.25am

Quite excited that I am currently in fully nocturnal phase
Currently up for breakfast HAHA lunchtime is my supper (I ate 1x bread at 12pm just now and then carried on with life)
Seriously considering going out to hike again we'll see the weather
And if I can do more work tonight (not a strong reason)

+==edit==+
01.34am

Forecast looks good but
Do I try to sleep tonight then
Also I feel like going science centre hahahahaha go everywhere
I tried doing work but the laptop is lagging like crazy so thats a sign I shouldnt
Just watching vlogs and duncan is so cute i always say it cause it's true

+==edit==+
03.17am

Someone tell me what is wrong with instagram and why they keep forcing more authentiation you are being trash
They keep logging me out of my main account and at first forced me to put in my pHONE number and now theyre making me do some stupid video recognition
Im not that desperate i have fb anyway
Loser
I also deleted and reinstalled the app less than a week ago already so idk what the heckie is wrong with them
Also im failing to fall asleep!!!

+==edit==+
05.53am

What happens when i force myself to sleep
I wake up an hour later pshttt but better than nothing I guess

+==edit==+
09.06am

I tried to laze around but nope my body wants to do things so lets go

+==edit==+
09.59am

Lucky I checked my work email before leaving home loll urgent deadline alert so im gonna do work first
Perhaps i'll just head over to the park when im done for some reading and fresh air
I also feel like playing with makeup
Do you know whats happening here it's my soul catching up on what I missed the past month of non existence
Well, im excited
Also did I tell you I almost rejoined dance
Hahahaha and the thought is not totally out of the brain as of now
But ok bye sis had breakfast and moisturized who is she

+==edit==+
10.49am

Unfun update: the system is lagging like crazy so i'll have to do it later but managed to do a little bit
Boo

+==edit==+
11.50am

Well fake news I refreshed the wifi and all is good and I did an hour of work yay
But my eyes are muy dry so im taking an early lunch break cause nope
Also suddenly got 2 additional tasks added onto the existing pile so im taking it one step at a time
Tired already

+==edit==+
14.11pm

Feeling like naptime is imminent
What kind of baby behaviour-
Hahahah jk but yea
Have been binge watching judy's vlogs- although I dont watch as frequent as ballingers' I always love coming back to them and when I do I end up binge watching all the episodes i missed
But also now im closely following them cause baby leah is just too cute
I love how in one of the recent vlogs one of the bigger kids did something wrong but she muted the name so girl is not literally publically shamed
There's this girl on youtube who made like 788 videos about how toxic family vlogs are and at first I agree cause there are trash channels out there who takes advantage of their children for views but all the videos she makes she keeps generalising and as an avid family vlog channel watcher (i got good taste though ok lol) I got annoyed and I blocked her channel from my timeline hahahaha
Why am I blogging so much
This is called having no friends to talk to so you talk to yourself
But also blogging is keepsake
Unsurprisingly the more detailed my encapturement (nice) of my days are, the more vivid they appear when I revisit these memories
Just like in dream journaling
Ok sis is feeling the heavy eyeses hehe lets see if i manage to nap

+==edit==+
14.43pm

Accidentally vibed extra with the universe and now im shaking for no reason wew time out

+==edit==+
22.33pm

After that shaking episode I made myself fall asleep and I ended up sleeping for 6 hours dang it but bedtime
I saw this quote that isnt meant to be inspiring just attracted me: Your inability to embrace your current reality is preventing blessings from coming in

00.53am

Lucky for mankind patience is all I have

+==edit==+
04.59am

Ee hate seeing my calendar so empty for June
Need to find things to do before I explode

+==edit==+
08.40am

Wished I was out hiking again but I shall let my feet rest lol
Also currently rewatching old vlogs and laughing at the jokes I make why am I funny lolll

+==edit==+
09.40am

I just came across this Hadith;
No fatigue, disease, sorrow, sadness, harm, or distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were a prick of a thorn, but Allah will expiate some of his sins thereby
And it just made me thankful for the month of sorrow that I had
I will always remember he never tests except for the betterment

+==edit==+
09.57am

The day I ask anyone to do anything "for me" or "for my sake" feel free to smack me in the being because eww why would I ever say that

+==edit==+
13.26pm

Why am I not asleep why am I not tired
Spent the past hour torturing myself emotionally haha hashtag justgirlythings hashtag funtimes
Okay time to watch videos and play freecell until I fall asleep
(but also fake news, i havent played freecell in months i have changed to another card game called Agnes bernauer but like still, same thing)
This time yesterday I was going to bed too except I was having fun the past few hours compared to today hahaha ok bye

+==edit==+
21.26pm

Why am I so exhausted
Just woke up from a 2 hour nap
:')

+==edit==+
23.58pm

Ok disclaimer I have emo moments I am not an emo person
Im heartless irl okAy hahahaa
Ok bye
I WANT TO GO HIKING AGAIN
If I could go later... just gotta do some work tonight first

00.54am

Currently in a beautiful moment in time where i'm eating the biscoff mcflurry
It is. As good. As it sounds, and looks.
It is beautiful taste beautiful
Bye while I embrace each bite thks

+==edit==+
04.44am

Last night mama said something about going hiking this morning and I said we should go before sunrise so if it's true i'll have to get ready soon which is good cause I can tire myself out and crash later at night also god knows how much I need the outside air
But also if it's not true then I can just lie down do nothing as usual (peace sign im not usually this uneventful)
Also I was like planning to eat half the icecream cause the portion is a bit much, mcflurries, but I couldnt stop eating and I did it

+==edit==+
05.38am

Oh no they were serious
Oh well time to wakey

+==edit==+
05.59am

Cant tell if im tired
Should I go
Maybe i should have slept a bit
Trust me I wanted to but
K bye I have to decide quick

+==edit==+
13.05pm

I feel so good!
Though my shoes failed to provide me with support and thus my feet is in pain,
We did it!
And everyone was so pleasant everyone was saying good morning and smiling it was beautiful!
Just nice, it started raining right as I stepped into my house 20 mins ago alhamdulillah
Beautiful weather and being the energy vampire I am, I somehow gained more energy as we hiked
Especially after breakfast (we ate at the halfway point at hort park) where we thought we were gonna book a grab back already, but we somehow wandered off a bit further and ended up completing the trail all the way to kent ridge park
Which was so. Worth. It!!!
The breeze and peace was beautiful I could stay there all day (ok when sunshine, not darkness)
Anyways, im refreshed now having had a full shower, am drinking a cup of iced water before attempting to rest
The best part is I had a ton of adventure and it's only 1pm!!!
I could sleep and wake up and still have daytime!
Hehehe okay
Again, I feel good
So much positive vibes today and of course we cannot deny science- vitamin D + endorphins + just being in nature
Helped that the weather was perfect; it was sunny but not hot, and windy
Im glad I chose to go
But also now theyre talking about weekly sessions it's always been my dream but like I dont sleep so how to have morning hikes lolol
Oh the hike started tiringgg due to several valid reasons- 1) No sleep 2) No food 3) Havent done physical activities in so long 4) Literally came out from a month of hibernation
But yea halfway through suddenly ele and I found a shortcut and we beat the parents to it hehehe a good 10 mins of me telling her about my patirana and ijen experiences
I miss mountain climbing!!!
Once the world heals i'm going insyaallah heh okay
Time to finish my drink and attempt to sleep
But im waiting for my hair to dry zz

+==edit==+
22.46pm

Yea plan backfired
Woke up at like 3pm but my body noped me and slept 6 hours more eww who am i
But yay managed to rest I actually thought I couldnt fall asleep
Am I hungry I cant even tell
For now my legs dont hurt as much as before but the real test is when I get up

11.24am

Woke up to work texts so I did some but im done for now, will continue when my eyes dont burn from dryness
Think I got about 3 hours of sleep but it felt quality
Drinking water for the first time in a month but thats only because I dont have strength to make coffee
(To be on brand, I did drink half a cup of sarsi at 10am hahah but only cause I woke up with pained throat so I figured a bit of carbonated drink would help- it did)
Gonna finish my water and then rest a bit more

Also, not sure if you read my blog (highly unlikely but it's a good explanation) or it was just impeccable timing but thank you for reaching out last night
Got to watch Insidious 3!
Aka the movie I never bothered to search for because I always thought I watched it a few times already but one fine day a few years ago while my fam was watching it, I realised i've never ever watched it
I feel like this kind gesture will pacify my next few ones too
I should get a nap my eyes are tired and dryered

+==edit==+
22.25pm

Amazing fantamazing news
I have both the blueberry cream cheese pie and the biscoff mcflurry IN MY KITCHEN right now (speaking of pies mcd pls bring back white choco strawberry pie there's nothing better thks)
Elephant treated the fam to macs
Im too excited to try them!
Also it is quite crazy how we've grown with vloggers, like those I watch regularly since what, a decade ago?
Feels like family by this point im so happy youtube exist but like stop it with the ads ew
Want to edit video and/or do work but my eyes are just too tired
When will it stop being tired excuse you
I need specs and I need eyeball break
Okay bye

04.04am

One underrated culture shock (more of family habits) are eating habits
There are families who are like Oh my fam already ate dinner
Or like There's no food (not in a financial way, more like the family choose not to keep small foods to snack on like bread or biscuit aka non proper meals)
And then??? Noone gets hungry in the middle of the night???
Cause my kitchen is open 24/7 mate
It is always weird to learn other people's habits
This is unprompted haha just a thought
Alsooo judy's (itsjudyslife) baby leah is the cutest i dont understand how her FACE is so cute like a BABY
And her behaviour little rebel
Oh yea speaking of food I am kinda hungry lol
Time to go to my 24 hours kitchen (hahahah)

+==edit==+
07.57am

I might have watched all the videos fb have to offer because now everytime I refresh they keep suggesting the same videos over and over again
Why am I awake

+==edit==+
09.12am

I wonder if i will fall asleep if i just shut my eyes for a while because it is heavy but this brain is not ready to rest

+==edit==+
15.24pm

Okay universe with the mixed signals
Dont make me choose my own path ok hahahaha jk thanks for the trust
But... this is a predicament

+==edit==+
16.36pm

Two things
1. Now I know why AJ styles has always been familiar yet looks out of place- he looks like he should be an a cappella bassist like freakin tim foust or avi
2. Big daddy cool diesel is the only person who understands how to walk into a royal rumble match i dont understand why most people will RUN into the ring like chill
So badly want to go pay the beach a visit
I should make that happen the weather is so beautiful
Not today though I have exhausted my strength by just getting up.
Hahaha.

+==edit==+
21.15pm

Not happy with how roller coaster my days have been for what, almost a month? (What a waste of my raya dangit why do i have emotions)
Most nights im just miserable
Most nights I stay awake waiting for sunrise so there's a reignited feeling of life again
Some nights get so hard I force myself to fall asleep so time passes faster
And every night is a gamble
It's the weirdest thing because ive always been a person who puts my happiness in my own hands- I do things that makes me happy and avoid things that dont; simple guide to life btw hahah
But some things are just out of reach and sadly against your will
God I will always ask for strength to get through this
And some days you've made it easier and im thankful
Tonight don't feel like it but I have hope it'll turn to better

03.45am

Headache due to extreme lack of self care
Turns out crying (not that i cry cry but still) while dehydrated coupled with nonexistent sleep, food and sunlight will hurt me physically
Hahahah
Havent spoken to anyone or even looked at the sky in idk, 2, 3 days?
I think I have been on my phone for 15 hours straight without a single break, no wonder my eyes hurt
The floor feels smooth here at rock bottom thanks for asking

+==edit==+
12.02pm

Tried to do some work this morning, and managed to, Finally
But my eyes are way too tired so im taking a break bleh
This is like the first week of work all over again
But also bruh the day i decide to try and be alive again it RAINS
Motivating me to just go back to rest in bed

+==edit==+
21.15pm

Road warrior's theme doesnt have any business being that scary
I ended up taking an 8 hour lunch break... HAHAHAH several naps I. DONT. LIKE. SLEEPING. But my body just dont want to function and I respect that for now
I'll try and do more work tonight though hais

Merry June (00.00am)

I was just gonna come blog and say Duncan made me LAUGH i felt like i havent laughed in forever
And then I saw that it's exactly midnight the start of a new month
May was an unnecessary dread but bismillah for this new month!
And yes duncan hahaha this precious one made me laugh by saying he wants to name his upcoming baby brother "rolly thingy" hahahahaha
Okay bye back to the video