Why you gotta ruin my hope (01.48am)

So I was excitedly applying for a new phone line and freaking dbs keeps sending the pin to my old non existant number zzzz
My iBanking is so updated but apparently news dont travel there in posb hahahaha loser now I gotta wait one more day

Had both a productive and non-productive day but then again it's how we feel at the end of the day that matters at times and I felt lovely.
A pretty trying but adventurous morning; missing a bus I couldve chased (cause it stayed longer than usual), overshooting my stop and ended up at like rivervalley, being interviewed by yol with some hearing tests (my brain autocorrected the piano notes and tempos so like idk if it'll be accurate hahaha), postponed work, and this all happened before noon
Both rehearsals went well!
So happy for our progress and may we continue putting our hearts into our art.

I have a test later I forgot D;
And work aishh
K I shall try and rest
Maybe a miracle like this morning takes place again (when time was passing so slowly, 17 mins of nap felt like 45 mins and 3 mins of nap felt like an hour idk it was amazing and rejuvenating)
Ehehee sweetdreams

//edit//
02.13am

Ehh my lovato had the same hairstyle as me today!!! Twinz always

//edit//
03.16am

I was so ready to slumber but it's not possible....
Btw reigns vs lesnar omg if reigns wins the match omg I have no words I will adopt 7 baby ducks and self harm by drinking 8 glasses of plain water 3 days straight and cut all connection with humanity I just cant it would be beyond disgusting and it would taint my reputation
Also cena vs taker is a must happen por favor

On a roll hopefully (03.05am)

Had a kind of productive day although I feel bad that I totally forgot Mondays are babysitting days
Managed to tackle all 3 songs with the voice parts and I even got cake!!!!!! (important news)
(Wait I just realised how short my hair right behind my fringe is nooo pls grow faster)
I thought I was work-free this whole week due to postponements but I just found out I have 2 interviewees haiseh
I should really rest soon or do my readings
Here's to a more productive day ahead- in studies, work, evokals and my new (kinda nameless) group
(may I continue getting better I promise i'll get another cake if I get well- hahahaha self bribary)

//edit//
06.37am

Since i've been consistently waking up after 2 hour sleeps, I should just accept things as they are and not go back to sleep maybe I just need that amount for now ehehehaha

//edit//
09.31am

Sometimes life introduces a new handicap in the form of other people getting in your way
Today is not the day to try man
Demdem's tour kicks off in a few hours time idek so excited for her and she's totally coming back to meet me soon
This is the rumoured setlist and im just shaken by the fact that Got dynamite is on the list bRO that's amazing!!!!
(when she comes to SG I officially ban her from performing Lonely unless she sings the clean version cause honestly gurl gotta shut up with the curses)
(actually just make all the songs clean por favor)
Have fun mi hermana ♡

Is this the answer? (01.16am)

I think I might have learnt that I have nocturnal seasons like there will be weeks where im a normal functioning human who falls asleep between 11pm-1am, sometimes i'm the ideal person who gets my 10pm-4am sleep, but bouts like this past week means I only fall asleep between 8am-11am
I guess these rotates in consistent waves so im not too bothered by it
Everyday we realise something new
Kay I shant force myself to sleep anymore

//edit//
03.03am

Hahaha ive never realised how epic (ok actually it's beautiful) my whatsspp dp is until someone screenshot my contact on their phone and it just looks grand
Just got done watching videos of non-dancers learning how to dance and it makes me feel so blessed that I have the luxury to participate in that activity
It's tiring, requires so much effort than probably necessary, takes up a lot of time, has a toll on your physical and mental wellbeing, and it such a bother at times
But I wouldnt trade it for anything else.
We have a complicated relationship hahahhaha ♡
I guess I just love dancing sin all the expectations, directions and requirements.
But those are put in place to propel us forward.
Sometimes I don't want to go anywhere though, just leave me alone with music and space and i'll be content.

//edit//
06.47am

That was a good 2 hour sleep (?)
So cool how the body just jolts awake when something in the immediate environment is altered from the usual (my lights were off hahah why)
No idea if i'll be able to sleep again let's see

ps im craving cake no idea how or why... rude

What is normal (22.28pm)

Im aware that I should take my wellbeing more seriously ha ha
Had a relaxing weekend, (wow when was the last time I had an idle Sunday?) went to sentosa yesterday with chiqa which was so lovely the weather was great and it wasnt that crowded and we grabbed for 4$
It was filled with festivities but the fortune lucky draws shut at 8pm and we were a bit late but it just means we have to return soon ehehe im always down for sentosa
Today was just the three sisters at home, it still feels surreal to say 3 sisters hahah in my head it's still 2 sisters feat 1 baby
I mean I did live 10 years with only 1 sister before chiqa existed so it still is weird but cool but weird
We karaoked a bit and idk I find myself hibernating a lot this past week am I that deprived help

Rehearsal this whole week for firstly, the open house performance- this would be my first performance with my new group which is so exciting
Also can you believe evokals has a competition next weekend and we have yet to finish any songs at all bruh step yo game up guys (and me)
And 2 days before the competition I have a dance performance, hopefully it's one of our easier repertoire items cause I cant move much hah

I guess let us continue spreading positive energy to everyone around, radiate kindness and may we all be kept in good health

Close enough (02.13am)

Now I know why Dr google says it takes 2 months to heal hahahah
So after 2 days of no movements right, I thought I was all good but it just took a grab ride and a few rounds of walking for the pain to return
And so much for a break, I have 3 upcoming performances in the next 2 weeks I want to cry tears of lemonade
Excited but... how

It was a real fun day, carnivals are great!
I didnt take any rides at all, well almost took the slide (I was forced to accompany chiqa cause neither anga or mama would) and I just knew she would bail but she took such confident strides up the stairs (yES, STAIRS I was tortured all over again ahaha ok drama) but when we reached the top she cried a bit so we had to go back down the stairs
A lot of the body balance depends on the spine so I cant imagine taking any of the rides not even the baby coaster
Willpower game strong great going
I will return though hahaha we all plan to return and hopefully by then i'd be all clear to rumble hehehe
I never realised how frugal I am (or maybe just financially logical) until I found myself getting annoyed (lack of a better word) over everyone splurging on those cheatass carnival games
Like ok get this- one round is like 4, 5 dollars for like 3 shots which you'll always miss
And anga kept replaying cause idk what sense of satisfaction this brings humans omg it's the same as melly and her claw machines (lol I mentioned melly twice in 2 days wassup gurl)
These are the same people who finds joy in solving math problems hahahahah frogs mannn
The rides themselves are expensive wtheck one small roller coaster is 8$ and it's 3 rounds of nothingness
Ive always wanted adult funfairs to return but not this way (hahaha disappointed)
These kinds of places are so fun to be at but not nice to your wallets at all man it's like an adultier timezone
I guess fun has no price for some people ahaha (it is fun just being there)
And it was chingay season so it was lively, but the carnival itself was empty which was great cause no queue, empty rides, and just overall freedom to walk around

Went to supper at the usual place before heading home, we won like 10 lame soft toys (ok some are cute- including one panda omg we named her Demi Golddust)
And we met a distant cousin at the carnival whose 10 year old daughter gave me one of the toy she won, bless! (she wanted to give chiqa but chiqa ran away so I got it)
Funnily enough, we saw them again at the supper place which is nowhere near the carnival hahaha fate man

Ok I feel like going to sentosa tomorrow but I also feel like I need to rest- especially if dance training is gonna resume soon D:
Upsetting cause I would sacrifice short term movements for long term recovery but my schedule is not being nice to me

//edit//

04.13am

Not sure if inspiration really comes at the wee hours or my brain just wants to work at this timing maybe both 

//edit//

05.49am

Please remind me to save up for celine dion's concert and remind me to get the presale cause it will (rightfully so) be sold out so quickly because duh and most of all remind me to remind myself hahahah ok I shouldnt sleep if not it'd just be another rest day I dont want so many rest days in a row 

No sense of time (18.05pm)

Pretty excited to go to the carnival at Marina bay, i've always thought i'd be one of the first few to go hahahaha but here we are 2 months later
Weirdly I wouldnt have went if Anga didnt suggest
Idk I dont understand myself sometimes but like I said who says we have to self define hahahha
Had a really hibernatish 2 days idk im feeling a lot better since resting
Aw this time last week we were all getting ready to wear our costumes, having dinner, and excited for the first show
It also marks a week since my back pain and since I feel it getting better I probably have no interest in visiting the doctor
Ok I should get ready soon
Though half of me is dreading going out even
What do I want omg stop

(01.43am)

At this point im gonna google what medicines actually do cause if im not impressed then maybe I should prescribe myself placebo M&Ms
Talking bout mnms, melly was so offended that her favourite chocolate was made into an escape room theme in KL hahahah like she wouldnt even let us joke about it it was hilarious

Work today was quite fun actually thanks to the interviewees!
They (especially the 2nd one) were so easy to talk to and it didn't feel like work at all, more like a bonding session hahah
Then went for gender class which ok idk I usually have things to say but I end up not bothering cause the classmates sometimes speak irrelevant things like yall not worth my piece of mind hahaha kidding I respect yall
Here's when the sudden gastric attack came haihhh at least it wasnt as bad as the first time I had it in K2/P2 (?) (I couldnt even walk but I wanted to watch a performance at fuchun community club that night so my dad had to carry me and my parents even bought me cheeseburger- back when fast food was a luxury and not staple food lol I miss those precious days- but I didnt even eat it and I think I fell asleep during the performance due to extreme pain hahahah at least I didnt cry- ok maybe I did)
My body felt like a puzzle cause to alleviate the gastric I instinctively would want to lean forward but my back will not allow that to be an option but I cant lean back either cause the stomach hurts, and sitting straight hurts my spine, so I had to dance around finding the nonexistant comfortable place loll people please appreciate your bodies and bones and muscles ;')
Took me a looong time to walk to the rehearsal venue

On the bright side,
Rehearsals went well, especially for my new group cause we managed to get Earl's precious guidance
And we had to showcase
And there was lou hei which I obviously could not even imagine participating in
Stayed back to rehearse a bit more before rolling home
Ok I leave all my pain here and hopefully when I wake up none of it remains with me- especially the fever flu and cough lol why who invited you three (actually who invited any of you)
HERE'S TO A FEEL-BETTER DAY AHEAD
♡

ps may all the sincere well wishes get sent out to the universe until it manifests

//edit//
12.31pm

Me earlier today: ok let's go to school
Me now: i dont want to go to school

//edit//
15.23pm

Exhaustion is so lame lol does undertaker feel exhausted nOooo
Get on his level, self

Stoppp (02.19am)

I dont understand why im awake
I ate meds and am wearing the comfiest pjs
Lameee
I have work in 9 hours- did I mention I started working in school last week, just a side thing where I interview like 3 humans a week and record them speaking to see how Singaporean adults speak
Makes me feel like a DJ cause we're all miced up
Although it's just a total of 4.5 hours per week like I said it makes me feel a lot more constricted with my time
Im a free bird and this is like a bird bait (not as bad as a cage but halfway there)

Had a pleasant day even though I grabbed for no reason- a human with PHD asked for a meeting but at the last minute and I mean LAST MINUTE cancelled it you loserest loser in the loser world
At least I spent the rest of the day with bestoe who gave me free takoyaki even though she dragged me around (ok la she took a chair for me hahhaha)
And then rehearsal with evokals which is always lovely.

ps before I typed this I totally forgot about my bad back and I thought "Oh I AM feeling better yay" but once that consciousness dawned upon me I got reminded of the pain but ok it does feel less painful than the first few days so hooray to recovery

pps yo I JUst TRIED TO SIT UP AND IT DIDNT HURT!!! still cant bend but i'll take it slow

//edit//
04.04am

Actually help man ive been craving kfc the whole day and the unnecessary part is that I sat IN kfc for an hour with yol eating takoyaki
I hope I dont get boring interviewees later cause I might will fall asleep bruh- boredom caused by other humans are more dangerous than self brought ones

//edit//
16.28pm

Thanks yol for waking me up although she stripped my right of 2 minutes of sleep (told her to wake me up at 8.03am but she called me at 8.01am but surprisingly I feel like I was awake nanoseconds before she called cause I definitely expected my ringtone to ring idk cool human brains)
(Lol a guy just said sorry to a car)

//edit//
18.12pm

Ok my body is telling me to slow down hahahahah im sorry i didnt listen to the first two signals
Now I have gastric too why
Ive been a good girl I always bought my parents expensive presents (using their credit cards of course)
K bye you know how bending forward is to alleviate stomach pains I cant even bend hahhaha ok haters gotta hate
Painers gotta pain

Picking it back up (01.00am)

And school resumes tomorrow, thank god there are no tests or anything due this week cause I can already tell it's my lowkey week
Today was spent recuperating but I wake up with sore throat every. single. time
No idea what the cause is man I havent had a hurting throat be this persistant since I was like 13
I'll force myself to drink liquid and then hopefully wake up to a better physical status
My back still hurts, the pain grows and subsides at random timing so I cant really gauge whats going on

Wanted to blog about the production but it relates to so many other issues that it'd probably take time (like the fact that race shouldnt exist wtheck)
Ok I almost said I should rest but I had a nap at like 10-11pm zz

ps my dreams hasnt been as vivid as i havent been able to remember them as well as before- hopefully as this fog is lifted from my brain i'll go back to dreams analoging

Learn to grow tired (03.04am)

It's evitable.

Had a nice night by the beach, I love just being there hahaha

No idea how I feel about this year's production being over hahah
It was torturous, troublesome, worrisome, but hearing the audience's applause, reviews and the fellow performers' sentiments and energy made me forget the troubles I even faced in the first place.
It ended on a good note, although it still is pretty wasted that our first show was the best whereas the VIPs and big named dance maestros came for the last show
I wished every single one of the audience got to feel the energy we felt during and after the friday night show
When I say best I dont mean execution you know some things are just felt by the heart hahaha
Speaking of maestros I feel like when a student and teacher has mutual respect for each other and are both sincerely willing to teach and be taught, they'll build a connection like no other.
Come what may, voices raised or conflicts attempting to stay in the way, it's only for growth and for the good of both.
That's why we gotta respect these genuine educators.
Kay I should sleep lol my bat 2%

Can you believe I didnt get to take any photos of my outfits except the last one.... darn quickchanges I dont even have time to breathe hahaha (k fake but still)

I cant choose a favourite outfit but the most comfortable to wear is definitely Seroja cause it's a simple baju kurung hahaha all of them are really beautiful.

I surprise myself (03.13am)

And you'd think after 2 days of production i'd be crashing (like everyone else probably is??)
Perhaps there is such a thing as too tired hahah but honestly I dont feel it yet
It's just my back thats killing me
Maybe the burn will come later, or never probably like Muara
In all honesty, the first show felt the best.
We fed off each other's energy and we were screaming behind the curtains feeling so happy, fulfilled and satisfied after our performance
Those highs didnt come tonight, most likely because of the tiredness.
Idk if today's tiredness cancelled out yesterday's which is why I feel nothing now hahaha ok science
K I wanna go home and proper hibernate

ps i realise whenever im 'supposedly' tired the people around me are more tired which is so weird is it my perception or is it cause they cant bounce back idk

//edit//
05.02am

Well the past two hours was torturous :')
Im just so glad to be home.
Time to crash.
Hopefully soon

//edit//
13.41pm

On the bright side, I have no costume changes and ticket selling to think about
AND I have a lottt of chocolates in my fridge hahhaha amaizing

//edit//
14.19pm

My sense of time is distorted, I saw mark yesterday and I exclaimed how long it felt since I last saw him but it was literally 3 days ago wtheck my 3 days felt like weeks
My brain refuses to go back to normal life
Why would I

Heyy (01.15am)

I like how consistent with the timing ive been the past few days ahaha shows that I unwind at the same time
HI, TODAY WENT SO WELL, so well that my whole body begs to crumble into darkness and just go meditate hibernate all the ates for a week or month
I cant even bend neither my legs nor my back seriously the only body parts functioning are my hands and head
This is the kind of tired i'd feel happy experiencing after a show but not when I have 2 more of the same thing to conquer omg

Had two full runs earlier today and I think while doing those I was imagining what I needed to do for quickchange and Alhamdulillah, the visualising meant I wasnt rushing as much and I was a lot more calmer (people around me were still so panicky I had to remind them to breathe bruh do not pass me your lack of calmness)
Ok no kidding im surprised I even had the will to perform, it felt like a third dry run except with more commentators.
It wasnt until the curtain call applause that (omg i cant hear zapin songs at least not now why it playing on the radio) all the tiredness went away
(Dana was extra fast wtheckkkk I mean we finish earlier and can get away with not so perfect executions but bruh my breath ran away from me)
When they clapped after dana I felt grand but lowkey "ah well deserved applause yall have no idea how we feel right now" cause really it takes a toll
And with this newfound leg and back pain, even the simplest choreos felt so difficult by the second dry run.
I think the muscle relief cream abg arul was giving around helped to slightly alleviate the pain cause initially I couldnt stand OR sit
(OMG sekapur sireh is playing on the radio hahahahahahaha i want to laugh this is our first item) (is my smartphone gossiping about what im blogging to the satellites)
But ya now im lying down my legs feel relaxed but my back is crying
Ok im gonna force myself to sleep now, calltime in 8 hours time and 2 rounds of shows to power through.
I really hope my pain reduces by the time I wake up I honestly cannot imagine continuing feeling like this later on.

Special thanks to everyone who came to support!
I heard a lot of good reviews I felt so inspired and grateful.
To the family
Ms eatgo for always being there to support me (she even gave me a welfare pack hahahah ♡)
(Oh must thank my future brother in law too right hahahah)
Thank you for coming (they were so impressed at how many items there were and how quickly we changed)
Ok our pain is for all yalls pleasure k
K bye will force myself to sleep

//edit//
15.26pm

Half hour to the matinee show, and my spine is hurting in an unusual manner I kid you not it hurts to sit in the grab and I cant sit and stand
You never know how much you use and need a body part until it hurts ahahaha cant even do mundane things like lift my hand to eat or cough or lean backwards on a chair or even sit on a chair la actually
Lowkey want to skip this show and rest for tonight but champions never quit
But champions also know their limits ahahah ok I feel like shawn michaels everytime I see him hold his back in pain- and this dressing room is lowkey old folks home cause everyone putting salonpas and tiger balm hahaha
I truly am hurting and this is not fun at all, but this will all be over soon.
I sincerely pray I get strength and the power to push through!
(on an important note, besides the obvious dancing which would be extra tough, how am I gonna deal with quickchanges) :')
God send me Angels

As always (01.13am)

Today's hurdles were all passed gracefully and successfully ;')
Despite the major lack of my basic necessities (the town is so dead on CNY eve what there were no cabs, grabs, buses and humans around me)
Like I had no source of food at school besides the vending machine and I waited 40 mins for a cab and grab (at novena mind you, the hotspot of buses and cabs) and ended up taking the bus (which came at an interval of almost half hour wtheck pure nonsense)
But all is good I survived and made a few new friends today hahaha cause first time going to logic class (they were so shocked cause I came for the test despite never attending any lessons ahahah k secondhand panic)

Training was chaotic as usual but it made me feel more ready for later (yes later wtheck I just reached home but calltime is in 6 hours 45 minutes cry la, thankfully I stay nearbyish and thank god for straight buses)
I pray for strength, patience and focus (lol my focus was so off just now cause too much of my brain was thinking about the quickchanges but you know what im gonna find ways to calm myself down and make myself feel better even if it means wearing 3 layers of costume to save time somehow)
This production was generally more trouble than fun mostly because we were working on a tight schedule and were quite segregated.
Still, I hope everyone goes home taking something with them (metaphorically)
Ok I should slumber soon necesito resito

//edit//
16.00pm

4 hours to showtime, im freeziñg with an accent on n hahah (once again it's a typo haiz)
Ok having last run through starting soon

Writing helps (01.10am)

As much as im not anticipating my day ahead, I know that taking it slow helps, and sorting my mind is important.
I began today with burdens begging for my attention but I slowly eliminated them and I ended up having a lovely day with kind strangers and new friends and adventures hahaha
2 tests upcoming, one in 7 hours time (ONCE AGAIN WHY IN SOCRATES' LAND IS LOGIC AT 8.30AM)
And to be honest the last time I did logic or even thought about it was last semester so like.... many months ago :')
And then ancient test but I cant even stay in class cause I have to run for production bump in aka 3rd round of full dress rehearsal
So I was thinking if I dont sleep tonight to prepare for the test, I technically wont be sleeping for the next 2 nights too and I might have to go back to my cave in tibet (hahahaha inside joke cause daya thinks i might be a projection or hologram while my real self is probably meditating in a cave somewhere)
But if I sleep, obviously it'll be insufficient, not to mention i'd be entering into the tests empty minded
K life is not that hard it is us who makes it hard
Wish me luck, health, and patience!
♡
Im WANT to sleep soon

//edit//
06.35am

Somehow woke up before my alarm at 5 but im procrastinating the journey to school so i'll leave in half hour......
Technically I can escape from class right after the test and sleep for 5 hours
See how I survive the first test la if I cant even then I shall not even
I cant believe tomorrow is actually the production day, I feel like we've been working on it since forever
Excited to get it over and done with because I have to take a break man, I cant burn off both my weekends for things + id love to keep a freer schedule + i miss lazy sundays- there has been no such thing as lazy sundays since last year
Ok im supposed to leave home in 18 minutes barely even moved hahaha k bye have a lovely day ahead

//edit//
09.17am

Ok so I finished my test in 20 mins but I feel bad to leave hahaha nice profs are unintentional reverse psychologists :')
I am sleepy though and it is so cold here why is it that the day I brought the thinnest sweater is the day I need the thickest excuse u
I want food from quad but why is it so far away.......

//edit//
16.57pm

Whoa grab's high demand last warning man
Im done with both tests!!!
Quite fun actually I missed doing philo stuff hahaha like i read, i think but i havent done in a while
Anyway chris put this question which i was like wow ok so them tumblr posts are true hahahahah check it out (Guess which option I chose..... if you my gang you'd know hahaha)

K I survived the first half of today (which is ironic cause it's more than half the day hahaha bantuin gue)
Here's to a better half
Excited for production tomorrow!

Give myself time and space (01.15am)

Im at the point where I simultaneously need the most rest and also want to eliminate the word rest from my vocabulary
No joke man I dont even have time to think with myself I miss me (hahahah)
And why is it that everytime I start a new job I regret immediately
I think cause it constricts my timetable by a lot like my plans and agendas (despite me not following them that accurately) are so thrown off just with 1.5-3 hours of work
My eye feels better after a whole day of wearing shades heheh hopefully it heals fully
Training was quite productive which was nice.
Ok so help me I have a lot of things to prepare and I have to be in school early morning with barely any spare time to complete my agendas- including revision for two tests (lol jk what revision I have no idea what the classes even are), prepping gifts for secret valentine, ah I cant even want to list down my to-do list cause it's making me more zzzz
All while settling last minute production related stuff (production in 3 days I am already panicking about quickchange not even kidding OK THIS BANE TO HUMAN EXISTENCE yall may see us looking nice but behind the scenes we busy pricking ourselves with pins and being mentally, physically and timely challenged)
So should I complete most of them now and find a time to nap before harmonix OR should I sleep now and see where life takes me
Not gonna lie my exhaustion from last week is still present man thou have overstayed your (non-existent) welcome
I'm actually considering skipping harmonix to let my mind body and spirituality and soul recuperate- they really are not in the best shape

ps first day of work earlier today, went smoothly i guess

//edit//
01.47am

Right... I forgot a very important aspect of my life whereby i cant sleep on demand lol thanks

//edit//
09.48am

I refuse to use my cognitive skills this morning because avoidance is cure hahahahaha anyway Eiffel im in love 2 (should be) is out today how long did they make me wait again rude
(but thanks)

//edit//
14.10pm

Contemplating skipping class to settle stuff..... should I :')

//edit//

14.28pm

Oh it's true, it's damn true that when you pour out positivity (why is positivity not a word wth am i drunk) into the world, they pour it right back at you :')

Ok lunching now, I guess I wont be missing my class totally afterall (though I might be half an hour late lol)

i think i have a heartattack (00.02am)

Have I ever mentioned that I HATE LAMS because I do

Freaking system crashed 2 MINUTES before submission and I had to retype 300 words in 1.5 minutes

my heartbeat is erratic right now omg this is the purest form of bullshit 

ok deep breaths i will be fine 

//edit//

02.28am

Mis ojos hurts but hopefully i'll sleep soon, class in 8 hours time.

I realise I have 2 tests a day before dance production hahahahahah so much for bump in and excused-from-school (in other words why the heck did both profs choose the same day to give us tests loser man)

//edit//

11.54am

Morning naps are so weird, it's either you wake up 3 hours later after a "short while" or keep waking up every 4 minutes feeling like you've slept for hours

Sometimes you just gotta (21.05pm)

I wanted to go out or do work but physically and mentally too shagged to function honestly hahah
I have an online assignment due in 2 hours but thankfully it's ethics and I think Ethics and I are great friends so it shouldnt/wouldnt take long to complete :')
Regardless of seemingly possible workload, my to-do list continues growing faster than it is being fulfilled
Can I put this whole week on pause while I recuperate my energy k I need to meditate I need to visit the beach like tomorrow and I might will

ps i might will is a totally valid POV

//edit//
21.34pm

I havent blogged about saturday!

Sent Chiqa to tpy with daddy for lunch before heading to Scape to support the nanyang arts festival cause my harmonix were perfoming
It was a chill evening, they did great and it was just a lovely atmosphere.
Walked to ion with emmaus rico and keichi to explore daiso before we walked to where the rest were for a gathering
I walked in to them playing secret hitler (highkey favourite thing to do when im with them hahahah) and surprisingly (ok not really surprising once you hear the excuse) played only one round
As we were starting the second round I saw Cena on the tv so I jumped off to escape loll HE LOST TO ELLIAS THOUGH what even was that nonsense
Ended up staying up dk doing what and spent almost 3 hours by the pool talking about accidents hahahah
Went up a bit before 10am to play an idk what lego marvel videogame which I had no interest in but Justine shoved the remote into my hands hahahahah thanks though cause it ended up being fun
Although as I was busy completing a mission, Rico was like "it's 11 2 5 guys" and I ran off because training started at 12pm (ended up taking 3 wrong buses and gave up to cab but arrived to an empty training area- no thanks guys I couldve finished my mission- although I blame myself cause since when do I care about being early, bruh)
Not gonna lie, the game is playing in my brain oh no
Probably because I had to leave right when I was getting the hang of it, cause initially I was pressing everything and doing nothing much except destroy things
I didnt even know the characters hahahah except the obvious ones but suddenly there was shehulk and wasp- i didnt even know they existed but it's cool (ok for the record, i knew shehulk)
Ok im suddenly getting an influx of texts

pps hahahaha walked out to chiqa curled like a ball while doing her homework I thought she was sleeping lol cutiee

More of these (07.09am)

Currently lounging by the poolside staring at the sky (well not now, im typing)
I have a human beside me practicing a cappella parts hahahaha I cant with that dedication
It is freezing but it's such a lovely view I cant haissss this is beautiful

ps glam in its fullest

//edit//

16.35pm

Currently in the dressing room, both ready and is dreading the full dress rehearsal because like I cant even but also we're so close to the performance date I feel like our tears sweat and blood all these while has to be proven worth.

Less than an hour before it all starts and im just drinking coffee trying to reconcile my sleepless brain and my injured eye haih I cant open my right eye im literally wearing shades right now

Ok to distract myself let me just recap on the fun weekend I had; ok wait no let me recap that after this upcoming torture.

pps happy birthday abg rizman!

ppps seeing abg mok always makes my training days brighter lol magic 

ppps really thank god for no monday classes cause i cant imagine myself ever 

pppps bruh my grammar this whole post ignore i cant 

//edit//

22.55pm

Idk if it's my internal rebel but I wont say im feeling exhausted despite it being the only feeling im presently experiencing

Got to try and rest mannn k bye goodnight sweetdreams :') 

Some things are better clearer (00.13am)

Although sometimes the unknown can be exciting, some things are better off explained.
Anyway im foreseeing a tiring weekend ahead and I think my subconscious is preparing me too cause today was just me recuperating for the past and future hahahah
I really should get ample (why does this word feel so weird and underused) rest tonight but im looking to a pamper session so.... I should start now and try to rest by 2 heheheh

//edit//
01.51am

Ok the rest by 2 thing might be far fetched but I just gotta say that the WWE youtube channel has been posting a significant number of reyrey videos hm yall totally using him for views mannn (because check this fact ~i think~ out)

Roles are overrated (08.22am)

As I grew up, i'd avoid leadership roles cause "i've had enough" but even as I escape it still comes back
I guess we dont always enjoy the things we have great potential in but I just want to urge all of us to give ourselves chances, relentlessly because if you dont do life for yourself, who will?

//edit//
17.43pm

Just got done updating my agenda for the week and I had a mini internal "whuuaaaat" moment seeing that my calendar up to April has been filled
I cant imagine what the 2nd quarter of the year would be like hahahahahah with the concert preparation and second semester
May our intentions be sincere and all our businesses be of ease insyaallah!

And as usual (00.56am)

Idk why I was sleepy the whole rehearsal but right as I settle down my being refuses to sleep
Good day today honestly ive been having smooth sailing productive and fun days because im able to pinpoint exactly what is (was, idk) weighing me down and it is something i'll be free from after next week so i'll push through
Class in 7 hours though.........
Come on la I couldnt even make 9.30am on post CCA days now it's even earlier- no thanks universe
2 people asked for my assistance for 2 different things today (at the same time but very different locations) but it had to be on the day I have full day of lessons- guys please lah im so free on other days yall dont want to disturb me
Ok I want to and should rest soon
And by soon I mean now

//edit//
12.41pm

Supposed to be leaving home in 2 minutes but today is the day of can't evens
Actually woke up for morning class but the thought of doing something so mathematical was an immediate turn off as in my interest turned off and my brain also turned off (aka went back to sleep haha)
I'll be going to class late then, perdon mi profesor

ps i found puteri duyung back i was at episode 70+ before they took the videos down now i shall restart from the first :') (actually 1.5 episodes down hahaha lets go)

//edit//
14.15pm

K first struggle of this sem (besides the impossible 830 class) I have a class in 14 mins but im still in bed trying not to click on the next episode hahahah
I'll probs reach halfway mark of the class k goal for the day

//edit//
23.10pm

Ey yoo on my way home

I mean i'm on track (07.01am)

Why did I agree to meet yol so early when my class is at 2.30
Actually it's not even that early it's just at an awkward time which means i'll either reach an hour early or be exactly on time
Had really wild dreams last night hahah including being in a malay class after so long (the prof began by playing an old malay song and my classmates were a mix of my primary school, sec school and MI friends), flying unicorns, (one unicorn and one normal horse which could fly but went the wrong direction lol) ability to talk to fishes and mermaids, and it all ended with harmonix rehearsal ending late hahahah (is that a dream no it's reality)

Yesterday was lovely, we were all awake during class!
The topic was also really interesting and it helps that Locke was pretty absurd in his claims it makes us facepalm in agony a few times wondering what he went through in life to have such viewpoint about life
Travelled to gateway with jemerie where we met lynn, justine and did the site recce
Grabbed to school together and finally finally went to quad for the 2nd time ever (first since it was renovated) and was so happy to see a fully halal place I felt spoilt for choices for the first time in NTU hahahahahahaha
Crashed justine's rehearsal before main comm meeting which was annoying cause the lights kept going off mate is it because I was the nearest to the sensor and I don't move unnecessarily hahahah ok
As you can tell im blabbering cause im trying to wake my physical being up

Ok my eyes feels heavy what time did I sleep just now I cant even remember mate
May today go smoothly and may it be a productive fun day!

Got to stop and start (02.28am)

Have been tasked to send baby chicky to school in 4 hours time I should sleep soon
My to do list is growing at a far quicker rate than my cancel list

//edit//
07.31am

In total spirit of self defence, today's lesson (which went bad the first half cause none of us could stay awake) will either be better or worse.
Just reached home after sending chiqatito and as much as I got to roam around and get oxygen, I did get almost 3 hours of sleep which sometimes backfires because it's a weird amount (my optimal is usually 2 or 5 hours but hey no self-defining)
I just remembered I have a quiz later lol true and false though but I also missed the first lesson when I wasn't enrolled so... we'll see how it goes. (I also didnt see any slides online zz)

Anyway wow I have been a bad diary keeper these past few days hahah apologies to my future self just know that you have been pretty occupied with nonsense.
As of now im at ease but I still have to sort my agenda out.
Oh I decided to stop doing readings for today's class cause last week was basically her summarizing what we read and I was like "I got that last night sista why am I here"

Received great news for my Evokals and im so stoked for everything.
Though we got to root ourselves and realise once again why we do this and what a cappella music is all about

I truly need a day off for myself
Today is gonna be another site recce and committee meeting in the evening
Also I put Tuesday as assignment day and as we all know only logic has assignments psht it's ok i'll befriend you
Ok may we all have a great day ahead!
Here's hoping we stay awake in class

Just 2 more weeks of torture(ous fun) (00.43am)

Just settled down, but unable to rest just yet I have to look forward to an hour at the laundry later :')
Thank god for no Monday classes honestly I cant even imagine having to think about classes now hahah

Today the pressure went up, but at least we've gotten used (slightly) to the costume changing
Here's to hoping there's no hair accessories changes because THAT is on another level of problema
I promise I warmed up a lot today but the dana item still causes harm to my legs (hahah thanks)
Today it felt extra tiring, but it was comforting seeing all my fellow group A dancers panting and falling backstage right before the finale cause we really got to catch out breaths and souls we lost on stage
And thankfully the person vetting said it was a clean item my heart melted cause ay our physical and mental struggle paid off
Now to perfect seroja aka a potentially lovely item but it's taxing on us (ok me but really us)
So now really my main motivation is not even for myself or whatever but is for the audience (especially people I know are coming) to enjoy and realise where my hours and physical effort had gone to

Anyway after training elephant and I cycled to city hall for macs, sky high and then finally went home.
Ok I have to leave home again im a quarterish dead help (ok la not that bad im just ove- as im typing this I can feel myself getting tireder omg no stop)

//edit//
02.36am

So Along and chiqa agreed to accompany mama and bruh I just began doing some cleaning and didnt realise almost 2 hours has passed k will probably fall asleep soon hahahah (hopefully pls)

//edit//
14.04pm

I feel like I will be the kind of working human who would take an off day to watch wwe live or better still I create my own agenda to ensure PPV dates are blocked off dates
Who am I kidding I already am that person hahahah self declared holidays forever

A day of revisits (00.11am)

I missed a day, I guess today made me lose track of time hahah
Will update this space soon

//edit//
12.09pm

I wished I could stay home and make random plans with chiqa
But no i'll be stuck in one place for 6 hours and potentially today experiencing more trouble than fun
Need to shoot some positivity in a place filled with potential
Remind me to bring doses of it later hahahahahah
Dreading today's training for 3 reasons; changes in steps, new choreo and costume changes.
God protect our minds.

Like I said, had an early and jam packed day yesterday I didnt have time to blog (even when I did my phone was dead pssht)
Woke up early for 4pm gathering cum meeting and I got to finally understand better what the other teams are doing (besides ROW and Bahas of course) which was so cool and i'd like to be more involved
The meeting ended a bit after 2pm which bruh I was supposed to have training from 2-5 but I couldnt even stay until 5 so a logical assumption is to not even
Went home to fetch chiqa before going out again
Brb

Oh my yes (17.52pm)

Literally just did the One chip challenge with the family.
My tongue hurts ouuuhh
It wasnt spicy at first and I proceeded to eat another but it's stinging my tongue?
Ok undeniably it is spicy- duhh spiced with the hottest chilli pepper in the world
At first it tasted like a normal chip and then the spice grew to chilli padi and then chilli padi x2 and x3 and then x5 and then the ultimate pain came
So I can safely say I survived hehehehe (ok chiqa also didnt drink but she ate a small bit heheh)
Fun fact: Anga complacently said "Whoever can last without water longer than I can will get a present on Chinese new year"
But he was the second one (besides along who took 0.3 seconds to jump up and run to the kitchen) to run away hahaha (ok in his defense he did take the biggest bit of the chip like I ate two and it's still probably only 4/5 of the size of his one)
(btw i was sleeping when they decided to do the challenge and i didnt want to wake up but when I heard the commotion about presents i was like you know what i can tank this)
Ok mama suddenly asked us to get ready to go to east coast
(HAHAHA mama is still in pain while mine has subsided, I know better than to get instant gratification via ice, water or milk- waiting it out works better hahah tip)
I think i'm ready for another one.
Hahaha jk the pain was to be experienced but not repeated
(But if there are balance chips i'd eat them)

Aw man (03.48am)

Just settled down after a full day of brainpower :')
The past few days I had promising sleeping schedule but obviously distrupted today hopefully it doesnt continue
Today has been a long day, and I rechecked my schedule and realise tomorrow (later, actually) will be an even longer day :')
8.30am class, a meeting (these 2 honestly im not aiming to go for but it'd be great if a miracle happened and my power nap works- technically have to be up in 2 hours)
Then an afternoon class and dance in the evening which I dont think i'd be able to attend
Okay, im tired mentally and visually but physically awake why the mind body never cooperates one ah hahaha come on guys
Shall set my alarm and see what happens ahaha
Goodnight sweetdreams

//edit//
12.21pm

Supposed to leave home in half hour but im still not functioning fully hahah so I will probably go for class late(r)
Yesterday was a weird day but it ended well hahah
Began the day at SOTA with my exco and then we went to school where I met belvs for lunch heheh it's so cool hearing about her religion!
Then went to my race and gender philosophy class (i still dk what the mod is called) which was pretty fun and honestly the more philosophy I do the more I love and hate humans simultaneously why are we so weird man
(also like socrates I felt like id rather live in isolation than deal with the sheer dumbness of mankind except i love humans)
Headed to ADM for our performance which went okayyyy it was just a weird setting overall but you know we did what was required and it is always fun to sing with my fams

Training went weird because idk what I was doing most of the time but we ended up having an impromptu exco meeting till 3am :')
(surprisingly yol was still in hive at like 2am wtheck i tell your mum)
(our sign language gotta rehearse man long time never do that since we've not been-together-but-unable-to-talk for so long)
Honestly blessed cause got a ride home from keichi's dad
Here's to aligning priorities and being more of a team than an industry :') ♡

And may I have a productive day ahead I hope i'll be hearing socrates stories I missed his sassiness

//edit//
13.19pm

Bah gash how the day turned around so quickly hahahah
Papa currently sending elephant and I to school! Hehehe
The last time we did this was when I was in sec school and she in primary school
Ok i dizzy bye

//edit//
14.22pm

Currently having lunch and waiting for yol to deliver (wow she so nice to deliver I was gonna meet her halfway hahah) foolscap paper cause homework
To think I was planning to leave home at 2pm hahahaha thank you god I guess intentions set straight do work out in the end :')
Alhamdulillah