12.21pm

I love sleepovers
Just saw a pic of chiqa and mairah eating together at kak yati's place the morning after a sleepover
The chaos of the night and the morning, the eating together, the waking up early cause kids are playing, the movie night before falling asleep
I guess that's also why I dont like watching movies as a casual activities- they're for special occassions like these

08.51am

Good Monday morning
Kept waking up cuz idk why the rest of the fam so noisy on a school night hahaha but lucky I was tired enough to fall back asleep everytime

+==edit==+
10.32am

Hate being made to do things
I will run away n not care about consequences
Also so rainy this morning

+==edit==+
11.29am

Help i have existential crisis over the word Alamat
Why so funny the word and why so long since I thought about it

00.21am

Went to grammy's- I was blessed with cake again im happy, it's purple ombre frosting covering rainbow cream cheese cake so yummyyyy
Thank u upcoming bride and groom hehe ♡
But also my body clock is still very much morning birdy despite me pushing it and sleeping later

+==edit==+
02.08am

Lesson for tonight; trust your guts in which even if youre scared youre overreacting, it's always better to err on the safe side
Allah protect us

+==edit==+
11.32am

Good morning good morning
Did I mention I have to go back to the office on wednesday
At this point i'll just say Alhamdulillah cause it means situation is getting under control
I'll rock work, office or home
Insyaallah

+==edit==+
22.33pm

Lazy sunday dont even begin to describe today
But it was quite relaxing doing nothing
But im an explorer I would rather do something
But it's ok today is recharge for the week ahead

11.59am

Hi happy saturday

+==edit==+
15.18pm

Lolol just watched a few of my videos singing at weddings (read: forced to sing against my will of fortune)
So funny i'll usually try to escape by constantly eating so I can keep saying Wait im eating
But people will just submit my name and a song and suddenly the DJ calls my name n i cant run anywhere cus at least 3 people will push me lOl what kind of life is this so funny
Next time i will willingly do it ok cus i need to get over this unwillingness to sing alone i dun like it

12.45pm

I did it!
I went to the PT appointment yesterday
Got validation that im still indeed having vertigo although very mild especially compared to the whole first week when I first got it
Hopefully with the follow up in a few weeks i'll be completely clear
The physiotherapist gave me an exercise to do everyday which is essentially lie on bed get up 10 times HAHAHA
Got to have a HSM marathon yesterday which is all I wanted for my birthday huhu but I didnt get to dance and sing all out cus dizzy
Also got ice cream
Today for the first time in a long time I woke up at noon (ok 9am then fall back asleep)
Wewzers tired
But fridayy so yay
Gonna eat before workin
Have a lovely day

+==edit==+
15.21pm

Literally ate 3 slices of cakes for my birthday and then half a pint of ice cream yesterday but right now im wanting cake or ice cream again hahahaha birthmonth is real
Idk where to get it though maybe I should just go out and eat dessert instead of grabfooding it
BK bringing back belgian choco ice cream is everything!!!
Now macs and their white choco strawberry pie BRING THAT BACK
No news about Teddy is he in this earth yet or nah

+==edit==+
15.37pm

Ok honestly I think another half cup of iced coffee with satiate the sweet tooth wants

+==edit==+
19.08pm

Just hate people who are on their phones when we go out
Like stay at home

+==edit==+
21.27pm

Managed to go to a nearby cafe and got waffle with ice cream and matcha latte so yes sweet tooth satisfied lolzers
Now i sleepy

00.06am

Last year I took very long to respond to birthday messages, literally replied to some of them a few hours ago- an entire 365 days (better late than never)
I usually procrastinate cause I wanna not only prolong the birthday feeling but also I want to reply everyone sincerely
This year I managed to reply to all before midnight!!
Ok I think except yol's and tatyana's I havent but yay me

+==edit==+
11.53am

The way I keep checking instagram for teddy's birth announcement
Our hearts cannot take this come out quickly u dramatic virgo baby!!!

'25 on the 25th' (05.39am)

It's my birthday!
Ushered it in in quite an amazing way- sitting at the beach watching the waves and listening to its crash

+==edit==+
21.11pm

I got cake!!
Really happy about that
I thought i'd have to buy my own ahaha but was blessed
Thankful for company
My soul is happier
Birthday might be ending but remember im partying till end august!
Hopefully by then it'd be a habit- to live purposefully and make things happen rather than wait for it to happen to me
I mean usually I do it anyway but you bloggy have witnessed how down in the dumps ive been the past 3 months
Feels like a refresher
Remind myself to catch the sun's rays

But also why is it so cold im actually freezing
I couldve been out partying right now dancing in the streets but alas

+==edit==+
23.22pm

Havent felt loved in a while but tonight I do
Thank you, universe ♡
Here's to being kinder, cooler, faithful, and happier
Also edit above should be; I got cakes!!!
Best thing ever
And among the gifts I got includes a night light, blanket, and a sleep mask
Are these people trying to make me sleep more hahaha but thank you
Ive never like got wishlist fulfilled cause I dont have wishlists and I sure as heck dont tell about it anyone if I do
But precious little chiqa bought me the exact sleep mask I saw while we were at vivo together- I only said how much I loved it and wanted to buy it but "not now", not actually intending to buy it cus not worth the price
And she got it for me
Noone deserves her I love her too much!!!
And of course the fam ♡ and everyone who loves me too ♡

00.55am

Um hello why am I not asleep
Is it time to force it >:(

+==edit==+
07.52am

No idea what time I finally fell asleep but yay still morning bird
So rainy again!!!

+==edit==+
09.45am

Finally sitting up on bed
Usually at this time i'd already have eaten breakfast, done skincare and is working
Actually cant remember the last lazy morning I had wow what a virgo adulthood
Hahahaha also teddy ballinger is due todayyyy is he born yet is he not the anticipaTION
Im also turning 25 tomorrow and im trying my best to ignore that fact but
Day 2 of purposeful living today!
I didnt get any icecream yesterday so today will be the day
Let's hope the gloom ends soon but it's ok we will create sunshine wherever we go (by we I mean me but feel free to join too)
I shall get up get uP and eat before workin yayz

+==edit==+
10.20am

But also yesterday I made a friendly visit to Sentosa and I had to go down some stairs and wew I probably do need to go to the PT appointment in 2 days
This vertigo thing is so annoying and ive been ready to say goodbye before u even came so bye

+==edit==+
13.46pm

Only positive vibes

+==edit==+
14.34pm

If i wanted to be Cool my ringtone would be My time is now
But because im cool cool it's Voices
Of course
Now if I wanted to be cool cool cool but also scary as heck, it'd be undertaker's
We are all not ready for cool cool cool me to make a debut

07.54am

Officially start of my birthday week aka I shall seize every day and force happiness to come unto me yay
But also since I failed to start my birthday week proper aka had such a bummer past week no thanks gloomy weather it's cold and miserable but ok I will look at bright side of things
I shall declare party till end of august thank me very much

+==edit==+
13.09pm

Doing things on my own term like I usually do but less of the thinking part!!!
Up the yolo less the hesitance

+==edit==+
20.51pm

Today I was very present, ate 3 meals, got sunshine, got to walk and got to enjoy the sea breeze
Lesnar's new look is highkey bomb even though super surprising
Actually as surprising as the fact that im not sleeping yet right now

23.58pm

Just gloomy.
And solemn.

04.54am

Good morning
I might have accidentally signed up for zumba today
But we'll see hahaha
Going to go find or make breakfast dabs

+==edit==+
19.27pm

Me being sleepy and wanting to go home; nope
Me remembering im a social vampire and I just need to make people talk to me so I can suck their energy aka im extrovert; yup

08.09am

Rainy so rainy
May the rain brings abundance and endless blessings insyaallah
When I watch videos of people eating it makes me simultaneously want the food but also makes me full thus I dont want to eat
Slept the evening and night away and only got up for real at 5am
Not even tired just dont feel like doing anything else hahah sleep is boring ugh but desperate times
I feel like cooking japanese curry but I feel like eating lemak crab but I dont know how to cook crab yet so I shall ask mama hahahaha
Here's to a beautiful Friday, I shall always remember happiness is in my hands and I can do whatever I want whenever I want to
But for now baby duncan is the only thing making me happy hahahaa I just rewatched the vlog of his 1st birthday how can he exist

+==edit==+
11.56am

Look at me already starting on cooking lunch
What an almost 25 year old
Haahaha

04.54am

Good morning
I hereby declare my retirement as a social creature for the time being
If you see me or manage to talk to me then i'd have failed

+==edit==+
13.25pm

As of right now, in dire need of miracles.
Do your thing universe, i'll wait
also the cold weather is giving me fever

02.34am

As much as I have been unable to comprehend it, I have been sleeping full 8 hours the past few days
Fell asleep later than usual today, at 6.30pm (managed to force myself up for maghrib but once azan ended I fainted back) and got up for real at 2am (of cus sleep is not sleep without me waking up every hour or two)
But yea it's interesting cus I rarely sleep 8 hours
The rain probably didnt help in my waking up process

+==edit==+
03.10am

Why are cat's faces so CUTE
it's very ridiculous how cute it is

+==edit==+
04.06am

Okay ideal office hours 4am-12pm
Then we'll have the rest of the daytime free
Cmon humans

+==edit==+
23.41pm

Intuition will guide you on your next move,
Just don't let ego or fear cloud you

Had a lovely day
Didnt manage to do much work cause software extra laggy this morning I tried a few times but alas so it ok try again later
Went to eatgo's place with ele to see baby fahri!
And then mama yol joined us!
Baby was so talkative and even laughed ;')
He grew so much in 4 weeks
Makes me miss Alfie too!
And then followed ele to rehearsal and I got to reunite with my dance group but also special guest appearance abg mok!!!
Didnt think i'd feel so welcomed but I did
Made me miss dancing but I just know i'll be tired lol but I guess it's good forced exercise
Also made me miss planning and rehearsing for productions and showcases
Needless to say it's wayyy past my bedtime, the whole time at studio I was battling sleepiness lolol again, lucky I extrovert
But also right after showering I was shivering so crazy whyyy rainy season whyy but alhamdulillah hujan rahmat hehe but cold no joke oof now im lying down with zero ventilation door and windows shut no fan and im finally comfyish
Okie, we'll see what time I fall asleep then

02.01am

Kay so I have 8 days to get married if I want to be married before 25
Hahah jk at this rate sis do not have a care in her soul
Good morning, my day has just begun while everyone is lulling to sleep
Looks like I have a new jobscope again for today
I should eat

+==edit==+
10.19am

It rainyyy
Actually perfect time to go to the mall cus probably empty but remember when I went home just because the mall was cold yeah
And no warm clothes wont really help cold is painful

+==edit==+
12.33pm

My outer self: doing work peacefully and well
My inner self: (knocking from within) GO OUTTT LETS GO OUT
Just nice it's lunchtime

+==edit==+
15.23pm

Tapping out from work for today
The new jobscope is 2/10
It's okkk but there's a reason I dont remember anything I know about photoshop hahahaha I dont need it also some of the settings are so negligible like I can make you a book cover using picsart
But also the lag is reall
Will try again tonight probably
Im waiting for a food I ordered from a home based business but like she never told me around what time the food will come so my lunch plans is just me awaiting an update and not being able to leave home even if I wanted to
My eyes heavy anyway dk if bedtime or tired due to contacts
At least chiqatito's home to answer the door when the food comes
Anyway ok my bedtime is soon anyway
Cooked fried rice for myself this morning cus the leftover rice was one portion and im the only one awake at 9am besides the working/schooling humans
Ive never cooked 1 portion of fried rice before haha just large family thingz
Wanted to cook japanese curry for lunch but we still have yesterday's delicious dish + the supposed food thats coming thats not coming yet
The wait will be worth it I hope heheheee okeyy time to watch vids until I fall asleep zz
Thinking of b&j's netflix n chilld

+==edit==+
17.18pm

I cant fall asleep im thinking where my food is at dont tell me night time I will scream

06.41am

Mondays are beautiful
I know, work and all, but
Im feeling today I can bring myself out for ice cream or something, at an empty mall
Bonus points if the sunshine is out

+==edit==+
14.47pm

Finished my new task all before lunchtime
Wouldnt work be more efficient this way???
Cause if im in the office i'd have been expected to work 8 hours on a task I take 2 hours to complete
This perceived business is bull
Whateva not interested in corporate world anyway
One of my fav things to do is use "Im vaccinated" as an excuse or reason to chiqa
Me: u must do ur homework
Chiqa; no
Me; but u must
Chiqa: why
Me; cus im vaccinated
Hahahahahaa I implore you to do the same
(i just felt like saying the word implore)
(typing that word makes me annoyed that implore is not the opposite of explore)
But also no I didnt go out I kinda want to maybe I should just move to Alaska so I get more daytime i'll for sure be at my peak

04.36am

Torn between being the bigger person and simply knowing my place in people's lives and just removing myself completely
I do not wish to be perceived

+==edit==+
10.47am

Just spent the last 40 minutes singing HSM with a random guy on youtube
Now I can rest again

+==edit==+
22.29pm

Me this morning: what a beautiful day I should get some sunshine
Also me: falls asleep from 4-9pm
:')
Lazy Sunday at its finest

02.19am

Fell asleep before 8pm, for 5 hours wew bedtime

+==edit==+
02.32am

Reading the differentiated restrictions for the vaccinated vs unvaccinated, I sympathise with those who are unable to because of medical reasons and allergies :(
Yes they're who we should protect most so it makes sense to forcefully remove them from potential high-risk situations but litrally no choice even if they wanted to get the doses so let's pray and hope a cure for this mean disease is found soon D;
Those who dont want to cause of dumbness, yall deserve the restrictions lol it's not Your body your choice it's Your body will be part of a community that wont have a choice because of your lack of intelligence and compassion
Those who are scared- cmon, it takes 2 seconds x 2 cause 2 doses but istg conquer that fear like a superstar u are CMON it's for a bigger cause
But yea singapore is doing so well in our vaccination status so good job my comrades
K bye

+==edit==+
08.22am

Ive been debating whether or not to get breakfast for the past 2 hours

+==edit==+
09.12am

Anyway im learning that lying on my right and looking down will trigger the vertigo but I also know induced vertigo is a cure so I lie down on my right hahahaha
Not look down though that seems to be worse

+==edit==+
09.51am

Was just googling whether Lasik is permissible (i'd have guessed so) in Islam and came across this quote
"There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm"
And it's such a good reminder to stay kind regardless of circumstances (ok everyone must know i can fight but i will usually avoid it anyway)
Ive never considered it until ele said she'd do it then I realised why not my life would be so much easier with perfect eyesight but honestly blurred vision IS a pro in situations such as
1) On stage if nervous (cant relate, I love seeing people's faces I think)
2) Insecty areas (if u dont see them they dont exist)
3) Cannot see ghosts (tb to when Along my first brother was the last out of his group of friends to run away because all of them saw a ghost but he had to squint and go closer before he realises what it is)
Hehehee so yes some pros of not having perfect vision lolol
But also no more first world problems such as
1) Losing/tearing your contact lens when you dont have backup stock- I literally cant function aka I have to go buy it before I start my day (and what if my day starts before shops open huh, like if I was getting ready for work and I am lackasightdal do I take half day off work to wait for optical shops to open) (dont tell me to have backup ok I sometimes do but there's always that possibility that the last box is the problematic one)
Ok random topic hahaha literally paused judy's vlog cause she was talking about lasik while losing one side of her contacts (oH IT'S worst if you lost the FIRST side cus u cant even have your other eye to help you find it) (as a non-specs wearer I dont have that backup)
Finally ordered breakfast cus mama also wanted food hahaha my needs are not important aka debatable
Ok hope it arrives soon

+==edit==+
13.48pm

To me, splurging on food is not worth it
Like im ok with buying people any food they want but for myself, i'd rather not cause honestly, whether I eat the 20$ pasta or drink 2$ coffee i'll be full anyway lolol hashtag eat to live
I'd rather spend on experiences, activities!
Yayaya

+==edit==+
20.17pm

Cold, sleepy and full
And the fireworks are exploding above me
Want to go home ish so lazy to move

+==edit==+
21.11pm

Yeah it's a lovely night and all but I just want to be HOME resting im not in the leisure mood

+==edit==+
22.42pm

Homed, settled down, and probably will fall asleep anytime soon
Usually i'd be happy being outside it was windy and the atmosphere was lively I wouldve played games and stuff
But it's just my bedtime HAHAHA world missed my night owl self by a few days

08.34am

Gutenmorgen
(i googled to make sure i didnt say that wrong HAHA)
I slept pretty much a lot of hours yesterday so hoping today will be fresher
Anyway it IS friday so yay 
I checked science centre tickets for today and guess what
THEY'RE SOLD OUT
Thats riddikulus but good cause it might mean the operational capacity is lower which means when I do eventually go it wont be that crowded muehehe
I probably should go on a walk to get some sunshine
But also ugh even the me in my dreams have replaced my trace together token
Me irl hasnt hahhahaha why cant we merge the different dimensions of ourselves when convenient
To be fair to irl me I did try that one time when I was having vertigo but I forgot to bring my IC so I abandoned mission

+==edit==+
11.26am

I wantttt a physical vaccination proof because I cant stand having unnecessary apps in my phone especially with the tracetogether using constant bluetooth I have no space and phone battery to spare you!!!!!!
Also I got ready but idk what I want to do so I shall just roam
Probably head to the salon first for hair wash and then start my adventure muehehe but idk, we'll see

+==edit==+
15.13pm

Honestly at this rate of me having no friends I might need to start talking to strangers >:(

+==edit==+
16.50pm

Angry @ drivers who put themselves as arrived when they literally havent and then i have to panic and find them WHO HADNT ARRIVED so I dont pay the freakin late charge

+==edit==+
17.28pm

I left home in a relatively good mood and excited for the day but I got home in a bad mood
Day started off pleasant, changed my trace together battery, washed my hair at the salon, long bus ride after so long,
But then
The outside is WAY TOO COLD- when indoors, it's the aircon, when outdoors, it's the wind
I was going to buy a jacket but all the designs so ugly I wont wear again so I didnt buy
And now im home and defrosting and trying to perk my mood back up but my body still feels the cold like it's not a "oo it's chilly" I was like "WHY SO COLD IM IN PAIN"
Lol haahha but also a miracle, I found and ate at a food place that was EMPTY despite the crowds at vivo/harbourfront
Literally I was the only one there
To anyone who wants to eat outside at vivo but wants privacy and peace- Try either pastamania or Qi ji at harbourfront
Nobody no bother

03.23am

Um maybe I should eat

+==edit==+
03.28am

Ish I want to see baby alfie and fahri again soon I miss the cuties already >:(
(also bonus if I get to see momo and ibrahim hehehe too many cuties in this world!!!!)
And yes perhaps I should eat

+==edit==+
04.02am

Okay a monumental moment
I ate petai (bitter/stinky bean according to google) for the first time! 1 piece of it
I've always avoided it cause of the smell and even just now smelling the sambal petai I was like eek maybe not and I took just the sambal
But as fate would have it, I got one hidden petai
Lolol ok I was gonna try because I saw a video of someone eating it like it's the best snack she ever had
And the texture looks interesting
And I did it! I dont actually mind the taste at all which is truthfully very surprising- I thought I would hate it I thought it'd be bitter or worse, taste like it smells
But it tastes quite neutral! And the texture is indeed interesting for a vegetable it's like a nut. Is it just the seed of the plant then. Idk not a zoologist
(Ok I googled, it a bean!! Mr bean)
But the smell is still a big reason for avoidance heh
Really hoping to feel good this morning, I want to walk to a park
Ok I shall start my work now 4 hours early cause my office hours my rules huhu

+==edit==+
04.11am

:(
Alhamdulillah, Allah eased my work affairs
As soon as I was intentionally ikhlas about doing it, he eased what seemed like a mountain I took a break from, but was ready to face when needed
I couldn't be more grateful.

+==edit==+
08.21am

Once my phone charges to like 70% or something i'll consider getting ready for the day

+==edit==+
10.14am

I do feel good this morning except my body still aches (it has been 3 days) and my eyes are quite heavy
Which I dont understand why i've been sleeping correct hours
Maybe just quality of sleep bad idk or my body havent transition to being morning bird only my brain has changed
That would make sense
Im waiting for breakfast to arrive hopefully it works a miracle and gives me energy

+==edit==+
17.50pm

Oh wow I fell asleep before noon thinking i'll wake up after lunchtime
I just woke up what the heckie I thought it was morning
Again why. am. I. tired!!!

00.47am

I dont feel well bluek
This shall pass

+==edit==+
07.37am

Am I lowkey morning bird again
Have woken up at 5am the past two days
Hehe nice

+==edit==+
08.40am

Why is it that when I want to do things for leisure my vertigo comes back so convenient of it
Got ready to go hike around but cant even
K bye have a beautiful day

+==edit==+
09.33am

Had breakfast, did some work, and content sorting for the next music video all in the past hour
My soul is screaming to go out and bask in the beautiful weekday morningness
But my body says Sorry please just one more day at home
But my soul might win this battle I might force myself to do things hehehe jk cant even walk straight
Kinda want to walk around an empty mall, kinda want to not move at all (but I know this wont be good I have been room bound the past how many days wew)
Also colleen's vlog today when she said baby flynn looked her straight in the eyes (when she sternly told him he needs to eat his carrots) and said: Mom. It's witewally spicy
He is mini miranda!!!
So cute makes me miss my baby nephews even more me need to see them soonest
Also in 11 hours i'd be officially fully vaccinated!
Yayzers

+==edit==+
10.08am

Hmph what a gloomy looking sky
I will not let my mood match the weather despite what people around me are doing losers
Like must people be annoying and trouble others unnecessarily?
Do you get happiness out of making other's lives hard?
Luckily I dont care enough (or at all for that matter)

+==edit==+
14.37pm

Why am I so physically tired what did I do I already slept

00.38am

Also I should stop ranting to people who dont care (read: everyone ever lol)
It's not easy to regain your emotional independence but it ok I will get there

+==edit==+
01.00am

Vertigo turning into headache from crying
I cant stop these tears???

+==edit==+
06.25am

Even in the universe, chaos is the norm
Everything tends to be in disorder
What more me

+==edit==+
08.37am

Im slightly offended by how cute duncan is
He's too MUCH who can handle it
Also hi I managed to make myself sleep for a few hours and now im up doing work

+==edit==+
08.51am

Not my new picnic mat appearing out of nowhere as if to ask me to bring it out and use it!!
I WILL SOON okay I suddenly have deadlines

+==edit==+
10.15am

More productive the past 2 hours than the past 3 weeks combined huhu
But also this sudden deadline thing is a prayer answered in a way cause I have been
1) feeling bad that I havent been doing proper work- to be fair my jobscope changes very often so I have a few (told to be) abandoned tasks
2) praying for my amanah to be fulfilled as properly as possible, so that insyaallah my gains are filled with berkat- it doesnt matter who's watching, when I get asked to do something I will do it to the best of my virgo perfectionist ability (fake news it's accidental one not like I try and pine over things I do not willingly do that)
So by having my manager give me deadline I automatically fulfill both these prayers
No complaints here I shall be patient and do my best because that is what champions and cool person (not people, there are no cool people except me) do
Ok bye I wanna shower to freshen myself up but also sometimes showering makes me sleepier instead so HAHAHA

+==edit==+
10.37am

Okay please just know that everyday I want to go science centre but the only reason I havent went is because it's only open on Fridays-Sundays and I dont want CROWD
Perhaps this Friday
We'll make it happen (I hope!!!)

+==edit==+
11.25am

Umm btw throwback to my 11th July post about mama scaring us about the ghost in the museum
IT WAS REAL my aunt and uncle saw it? (her...?) too and the way they described it still gives me goosebumps typing this so ok abandon storytime bye

+==edit==+
13.33pm

Why does my body hurt and why am I tired

+==edit==+
18.15pm

My eyes are so heavy
Didnt get any sunshine today but the weather looks beautiful from what I can see
Very hungry but I shall nap instead because I lack energy to get food

04.22am

Happy birthday Singapore
Surprise surprise I actually slept through the night
Well if "through the night" means waking up every hour thinking about the video I have to finish editing
But still, I slept the night away kinda

+==edit==+
05.31am

It didnt even register that today's a public holiday but im happy to have a longer weekend

+==edit==+
07.51am

My premier pro proper crashing on me so I have spent the past two hours doing nothing
Also vertigo came back for no reason whatsoever

+==edit==+
08.23am

Okay even ele's premier pro in her laptop is crashing because of an entirely different problem
But also why is macbook's fan so OBNOXIOUSLY loud
Actually all apple products ah so annoying their alarm especially lol
Ok um I take this as a sign for me to rest and let my vertigo go away while the software sorts itself out so annoying
If anything i'll just release the audio hais my half done hardwork it ok

+==edit==+
16.17pm

I just cant really function right now
Im so so sad about kak sarah's passing
Every single time I open fb or instagram for the past 10 hours I keep seeing new posts and my heart simply cannot take it anymore
All my thoughts and prayers for shuib and her children- if im not wrong, she had a c section while in a coma to remove her 7 month baby 2 days before her demise. And the baby is doing beautiful.
I had the privilege of meeting the beautiful family a few times and each time they've been so lovely and hospitable, kind and warm
I love seeing the outpour of love, support, and the most meaningful of all, prayers, from everyone
I love seeing accounts of everyone's feelings and experiences but I also wished, I wished she knew all these things people felt about her
As for myself, oddly enough, I remember the very first time I heard her song.
It was at a wedding, I was a child and another child was singing karaoke and I was looking at her like Wow we can do that? And I took note of the song she sang, intending to go home and learn it so next time it could be my turn to sing at a wedding
That beautiful song is still my go to until today.
And now she had such an enviable passing by all muslims.
Al-Fatihah.
Rest well beautiful person.

+==edit==+
21.57pm

It's a miracle, the video is exporting T.T
Even though im 7 hours late No thanks premier pro we did it

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23.55pm

Allah im in tears again watching shuib's video with him telling his children "you still have daddy here with you, as long as im alive i'll take care of you" and my heart just shattered
He's has to be strong for them, he smiles and jokes to be their source of strength, I cannot imagine how ruined he feels inside
Please grant them so much strength Oh Allah
Us mere strangers are already this heartbroken, what more her loved ones. Her dad, husband, and children.

00.29am

Suddenly miss being in JB for no reason
Please heal soon Malaysia I promise to explore more of you!!!

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03.37am

Ishh I was gonna edit video but premier pro crashed on me it has never crashed before??
Ok fine

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10.10am

Hi I just made spaghetti but not really because it's elbow pasta
It's yummy cause sweet sauce + chilli padi (chilli padi makes everything 3x tastier pls)
But wow I havent felt like cooking in so long
To be fair I didnt feel like cooking I just did it without thinking much cause I didnt feel like eating anything but I also want food
I have a video to finish by tonight but my bedtime is soon however I think because I had just eaten breakfast im wide awake

ps my natural tendency is to spell it as spagetthi (ok fine now it's spaghetti cause I drill into myself that it's spag-hetti) ok fun fact not a fact anymore im a changed person

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15.16pm

Me thinking to myself before I fell asleep: pls dont sleep so long pls keep your bedtime short
And it worked
When I was younger this aunty I forgot who taught me that If I hit my pillow while intending what time I want to wake up, i'll wake up naturally
I tried it that very night, intending an unlikely time i'd wake up at
And it worked
It worked!!
But im sure there were some nights it didnt but it does work sometimes so magic

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22.43pm

Good morning good morningg
Finally feel like getting up

09.54am

Yay happy saturday
Probably another day at home wishing I was at the science centre

Me when a recipe calls for onion even though i know it is important to make a dish great; i pretend i do not see it
Firstly cause the chopping process is a no and when cooked i'll push it aside anyway

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19.15pm

Yo what I slept the day away it felt like, even though technically it was normal 7 hours of sleep

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21.33pm

Eating sushi 2nd day in a row
I think I actually can eat it everyday but to be fair it is basically rice and dish
But like imagine with malay dishes like rendang topping
Or lemak crab
Im a genius

08.46am

Hi good morning I just came back from attempting to be an athlete
My vertigo is very much still here it said Hello right as I tried to walk faster
Managed to push myself to walk as much as I want and then headed straight home
Thankfully I made the wise decision to just go around my neighbourhood cause we all know how mount faber went
So funny watch me being fully cured and then not feeling like being active at all (ok I hope it's not the case at all)
Alright bye I shall shower again then maybe do some work if my head isnt doozy

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08.58am

Ok rest would do me good
Also how is it 19 days till I turn 25
How is 25 even a real number
Past me might be weirded out at where I am in life right now
Not married???
Not a career woman yet???
Still a child??? (Ok not surprising)
But she'll still believe in me I know it
But also have I slept i dont even know??
Im not that sleepy but if I do nothing I might just fall asleep
Just for the records, I have been watching pentathlons, heptathlons and decathlons because fb suddenly recommended them to me and I somehow enjoy it which is weird cause I see triathlons as a self harming event who does that to themselves???
Crazy people that is (not in a good way i dont respect you HAHAHAHA kidding i'll always respect humans im just saying thats a very uncool way to live)
Currently contemplating if I need breakfast im back to eating one meal a day not on purpose
In the ideal world i'd be making food right now but I cant imagine standing up honestly with vertigo just being able to look at my phone is a major blessing already if not I have no choice but to sleep since I cant even read book or do any activities
Most I can do is watch videos but having to choose what to watch includes reading the titles or captions and that was painful too
Why am I talking so much
Food or no food
I dont need it but it'd be good to have on hand I guess
I shall continue watching decathlons and live vicariously through them for now

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12.40pm

Well my day turned from peaceful and unbothered to Very bothered
Why. Do I even care enough no I dont but I have people's hearts to take care of
And that bothers ME
Ugh.
I'll get through this and have a lovely weekend
I got this

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13.17pm

Okayy shift of mindset I guess this is just God answering my prayers
Alhamdulillah

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13.28pm

That being said, corporate culture is the worst
I do not condone whatsoever

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21.29pm

I was having a peaceful (mostly unconscious) evening and counting my blessings and woke up to sushi and all was good
Until I scalded myself with newly boiled water. Ouch.
I always check by quickly touching the sides of the kettle to see if it's hot so idk why it didnt register in my right hand that IT WAS HOT (also it was only 1/4 filled with water so the likelihood of it just being heated is very low??) so I proceeded to pick up the kettle to pour out the water in another bottle (intending to refill the kettle with tap water to boil) and some water poured out and burnt my left hand screams
Times like these im like What an inconvenient occurrence like I couldve lived without this
But then I remember we dont get pain without a chance to expiate our sins then im thankful again
Still pain though!!!
But it ok cure to pain is distraction so I shall do just that
Also you know how elder people are like If you dont injure yourself first you wont be good at it
NO

19.27pm

Hi my meal for the day are 2 slices of white bread and 2 chicken nuggets
im content
Have been a hibernaty few days with my body clock fully nocturnal
Feeling calm and content which is always a good thing but most importantly,
Cant wait for vertigo to go away so I can go on exciting adventures by myself again

00.48am

Ok coincidentally 5 years ago two day ago was when my orientation for philosophy
How even!!!

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07.56am

The percentage of me going out to hike within the next hour is quite high
Just wondering if it'll rain again anytime soon

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09.41am

I.. just climbed mount faber and im dizzy
I was alone at the trail i could have fainted in the mud hahah jk alhamdulillah im ok but wew the lightheadedness is real
Currently deciding to walk more or go home
I think i'll just walk until I dont want to or lightheadedness dont reduce
Okay bye

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09.51am

Ok yeah I cant do it
My head is not just spinning now but it's also throbbing
Waiting for my grab back
The weather is so good for hiking though it's cold windy
It's ok dear self you recuperate first

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10.24am

I have safely settled down at home
Gonna rest before starting work
I guess 800m worth of stairs is better than nothing
I had faith that I was ok and was ready to adventure but alas
Good thing is now I know im really not ok it's not just an illusion
Yes of course I havent slept maybe that also added to the pain im more tired than I think and acknowledge lolol some more I wanted to do short sprints
Nopity nope

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22.33pm

Im watching a bts of tokti in the studio recording her children songs album
The way she stopped and Ewwed at herself after a beautiful run
I cant even this lady is too much ♡

03.28am

Oof sudden need for sleep at midnight
But I trusted my body will wake up in 2 hours max so I just fell asleep with makeup on wew it's all off now I have woken up and showered
I need to go out soon like in a few minutes actually up to me but I just put on my contact lens so I guess soon
Secret mission

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05.30am

Just got back from an accidental grocery shopping trip in our PJs
And then while we were in ntuc it started raining heavily
Haha okay cardio for the day done

09.34am

Alhamdulillah finally I have gathered sufficient strength and interest to go back to doing work
I think doing earlwork last night helps churn some inner momentum
Finally watched upin ipin keris siamang tunggal after 2 months of wanting to
Hahaha cute la and really well done, the story just felt a bit rushed and I guess for people who dont really know the folklore characters they dont get to enjoy it as much (a bit like Magika) but for us it's fun easter eggs (dilanggar todak though) (and the tanggang sinking scene was so epic) (also when the hidden ship was revealed dang)
I also UPSET that they never explain why upin ipin can carry the sword is it just cus they main characters thats underwhelming
Mat jenin being the prince was a plot twist hahahaha
Okay I gonna take a mental break from thinking

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18.49pm

I litrally have 2 music videos due in 5 days but I havent started on either
But premier pro is lagging on me I think it's sulking cause I long time never use it hehehe
Just recorded my part and just happy I have an excuse to play with makeup
But the removing part... I should restock on my micellar water haish I keep procrastinating
Ok now elephant is listening to ndp songs cus I made her record my video for me lol
Also mothers are truly superwomen idk how they get strength to DO things and Go THROUGH things
It's no wonder they are the highest of ranks

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22.22pm

Sometimes I feel bad for (to? idk) my family that I didnt graduate
I was the hope, I was going to be the first University graduate in my immediate family and closest cousins
Everyone was so excited, supportive and proud of me
Like was there really nothing inside me that could push me through the last year of education, just to do it for them?
But that's the thing, I feel bad for reasons that are entirely not me
Me is proud of my courage to leave when I know school no longer serves a purpose
I have long felt that the paper chase is outdated- at least for those who is not looking for merely a comfortable life
Of course there is no reason why one cant achieve both but personally since young my intention to enter uni was to learn philosophy, and to buy time to think about what I want to do for a career
And I got both of those, I dont need the paper, it wasnt my personal goal, it was only my goal to make my family proud and happy
Although it did cause annoying backlash now when everyone asks if I graduated and depending on my mood i'll either say yes or no followed with Not studying anymore
But this fact also gives me the drive to work even harder- to show to my family that my dropping out was a decision i'll forever be happy and proud about
Because the success I aim to achieve will not spare a glance at whether or not I have a degree in my hand
May Allah ease my affairs and give me strength to fight through
Through this all, im just yoloing through life, having fun failing and throwing myself into situations and it IS a privilege that im able to be selfish for a while- But insyaallah my family's patience will pay off
Im just ready to hustle like a free bird bro

Merry August (05.15am)

May it be a beautiful month filled with blessings, courage and light

although i am celebrating the start of august with a throbbing pain on the left side of my head but eh
I had to walk to a relative's house last night to help my aunt with something- it was only a 7 min average human walk so for speed walkers like me probably 14 mins
But wew I was walking extra extra slowly and crossing roads with extra caution (even though.. never use traffic light hahahaha) cause either my vertigo is not totally gone or the 2nd dose just brought new headache (NOT as bad as Vertigo but still trippy)
Sis cant tie her hair or look down or i'll be dizzy
But I can twist and turn and sit up and the world isnt spinning and my stomach isnt churning like on a perpetual roller coaster
So alhamdulillah it's probably just normal headache
I just saw my calendar and today marks exactly 3 weeks since I stopped functioning normally no thanks to mr V (refer above for answer)
Google and doctors did say it'll take weeks to recover from and I did skip my PT so hahah tahan a bit more i guess
Cant wait to have the will to go do fun things again- i dont even feel like going out u know not even hiking or beach
Some nights i dont even have energy to do skincare
Im just gonna hibernate today and enjoy no work head empty day
Since yesterday I couldnt fully head empty
I just need one day of everyone ignoring me hehe ok be careful what u wish for but i never say i wish ok im just sayin
K bye hand cramp
Should try and sleep the headache away but feels impossible to fall asleep

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17.27am

Of course I KNOW the best way to live is in the present
Im thankful my wish kind of came true I got to rest and wake up unbothered by tasks of any sorts and I feel quite content and well rested as of this second