00.35am

Very relieved it's the weekend
Havent been catching up to work the past two weeks cause litrally physically unable to but I already took 1 week of mc so I just worked albeit not very efficiently the past week
Girl cant get a break but it's ok i'll look back at these times and be thankful it is distant memory
Food still tastes not nice but you know what tastes bad- coconut water with ice
Bluek
This is strong proof I dont eat ice for its crunch- it's the flavour cause I dont really enjoy ice right now
I wouldve loved coconut water with ice if my tastebuds were working
Something I mildly enjoy consuming (I ate like 4) is Mr potato's sweet potato chips I think the saltiness helps

+==edit==+
04.07am

When I feel hungry I just feed myself 4 potato chips
Should I eat real food
Only maggi sounds good right now not even rice
But what if the maggi also dont taste nice then I waste it
My brain keeps saying Dont worry maggi will never taste not nice please go for it
But my body says No I dont want to move im not even that hungry just sleep soon

Had a slight !!! moment thinking it's aug 1 right now ok we're still in july territory
Hopefully i tire myself out soon because sis has no strength to find any other source of food besides the potato chips I keep beside me lolol it's in a can ok btw not like a bag
K bye

+==edit==+
12.32pm

Alhamdulillah!!
Took my first bite of nasi goreng and it is delicious
Not sure if just cus cooked by mama or im recovering
Probably both
I'd say im 80% back
Arm sore is almost negligible now so thats a yay
Yay all around but still very much in a Tired dont talk to me phase

+==edit==+
18.19pm

Plot twist; tokti's son will be her successor
That would be epic actually ok la both la

+==edit==+
19.04pm

Keep seeing videos and photos of my two baby nephews I miss them already always why are they too cute im so mad

14.20pm

I feel like I slept so much the past 2 days it resetted my life
I'll officially be considered fully vaccinated in 12 days!
Okay side effects- biggest one is Tiredness.
My tiredness caused me to sleep for... almost the whole day yesterday really
Arm sore not as bad as first dose but maybe cause my body used to it, or I learnt my lesson and used it more this time round
High fever and headache due to internal heat but it was just for a few hours- sleeping more and a shower healed me
Oh yes and I cant really taste food
So yay hopefully no vertigo nonsense in 2 weeks lol

00.57am

Ahh, what beautiful days that ends and begins with a heavy heart
I cant wait to look back on these and have my future self whisper to me that I survived
As of now, im a wounded soldier, im incapable of doing much
Scratching the walls looking for something, anything, to get me through the night

+==edit==+
03.40am

Watching videos are not the solution usually cause my mind just wanders and I end up still thinking (worse, feeling)
But just watching ballinger's family not only takes my mind off things, but also makes me smile sometimes (freakin duncan and luke never fail to make my heart swell with happiness)
Cherie whom I finally replied after.. weeks.. (sorry mum) suggested I sang to get me through the night but I dont want to listen to, much less produce music
Hopefully I fall asleep soon somehow
Can feel my arm veryyy slowly getting sore but is manageable
If I end up going for my PT later (girl is still indecisive but leaning towards a yes just cause I need the help and I hope it helps lol) I hope the physiotherapist wont make me lie down on my side??
Ive read about the procedures and it's a lot of purposefully induced vertigo so I hope I dont end the session swaggering like a toddler lol
I deserve ice cream just for surviving these two days even though the day hasnt even started

+==edit==+
10.39am

Allahuakhbar I woke up feeling shitty again and got a reminder in my face
That Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear
Who am I to say im not strong enough to survive such a small test by Him
Had high fever for like an hour but it went away almost as soon as it came
Also I dreamt phua chu kang is secretly part of the mafia and I offended him so much by insulting him via "jokes", that I ran away to not be in trouble hahaha I know it's a dream and not real life cause in real life I would stay and insult him more
Dont really feel like moving but I guess i'd take post-vaccination care > Vertigo cus that one left me essentially functionless
In desperate need of water I woke up so parched (ew this word is not cute lol)
Still contemplating pushing the appointment away but also like get it over and done with
My hands are numb cause of cold but my body is warm so like choose one temperature to feel okay
I should get up a bit
Ok bye may you all have a beautiful day ahead

ps watch me say im getting up but still lying down

+==edit==+
12.05pm

Me; why am i so tired for no reason
Science; o.o
Why didnt i think of taking half day today
Also I emailed the hospital to reschedule but they replied with "We will reply within 7-10 working days" ok sorry for having faith
Guess i'd need to call cause I cannot see myself going out at all

+==edit==+
12.13pm

Kay that was easy
And my appointment is delayed for another month hahaha but alas I really dont wanna go out (ok tbh if it comes down to it im sure I couldve pushed myself to go and get it over and done with) but it's ok hopefully by then my vertigo self healed and I dont even have to go
I feel all around uncomfortable like the pre fever feeling so it'll either break or go away we will see
Keep switching the fan on and off every 3 seconds sorry fan

02.47am

Turns out my appointment is tomorrow, not today
Half of me dont mind going cause god knows I still feel swingy at times and it's not a fun feeling but we'll have to see how my body reacts to my 2nd dose tonight
Excited to be fully vaccinated (not cause of the potential perks or whatever ok lol what a funny motivation) so I can be more secure but also the scarier risk is passing the virus onto someone more compromised
God protect us from it amin amin

+==edit==+
04.06am

So many things on my mind
How can a tiny 2kg thing contain the universe and its multitudes
How can a lump of matter control my outlook on everything
So cool yet disturbing
But yea, so many things on this mind
It's a wonder how I even manage to fall asleep at all throughout the day
Some of my current thoughts are
Why am I not asleep
Am I hungry should I make food
Ugh work in 4 hours pdfs after pdfs and deadline
Why am I awake
Im probably not hungry just bored
National day cover's deadline
Hospital ew
Can I stop having a heart sometimes
Should I drink water
Should I do my skincare or am I too down to care
Am I still sad??? Probably not. Probably am.

ps i didnt google brain weight ok dont @ me if it's actually 60kg but 1.5 seems like a good guess

pps dont @ me part 2 but sadness is one of the best weight loss mechanisms go fall in love and get heartbroken (not hard to achieve) and (ok unless youre a stress eater) you'll lose all appetite and the will to consume anything and wallah 4kg lost by doing nothing but be sad youre welcome doctors and dieticians HATE me

ppps yes im being dramatic lol it's 4am and my brain is overloaded so please ignore everything I said

+==edit==+
09.38am

Whoa I set alarm at 10am with 40% hope that i'd actually wake up but somehow im awake now
Thanks body clock

+==edit==+
16.08pm

Really dont want to cry again
At this rate im surprised i can still produce tears
Tired

+==edit==+
18.44pm

God grant me strength. I need it so much im truly incapable
If my period really just came, what a joke
Right before vaccination
I'll just self declare disappear from the world
Let me heal my body heart and spirit in the realm ive only ever known- loneliness

+==edit==+
20.42pm

Yes my period just came but pain tolerance no difference so far so im excited about that
Officially embracing the last few (hopefully hours) moments before my left arm goes on MC
The second dose is much more painless and quicker than the first in terms of adminstration- maybe cause the guy not only hypnotised me by speaking fast (still understandable ok but like rap) and told me to breathe in deeply right as he jabbed idk
Currently waiting to be released and trying not to cry because I finally feel like I have One friend
Also this waiting area is so cold im frozen
Talking to my gojek (again, shoutout to gojek for sponsoring our rides I appreciate it so much) driver and vaccination person made me feel better
I hate proving myself wrong (that i dont want to talk to people) lol even though im right anyway hahaha

+==edit==+
21.12pm

If it wasnt 9pm i'd have gone hiking again

01.44am

Stay positive, optimistic, and take care of yourself

okay universe
On an extremely plus side, wana's friend bought us cake
Ok I asked HER to buy me cake but he kindly bought it instead
I bought 2 (I didnt know he was paying oKAY) and I ended up just eating half (because I accidentally made my milo too sweet it tasted like cake- I had future plans of refilling it with ice at least twice so it was perfect the 2nd round but first round was sWEET) but it made me stop thinking about food which is good
The rest are waiting for me patiently in the fridge
Hoping for a miraculously beautiful day tomorrow- I dont really have the strength to 'make it beautiful' as many would say
Perhaps the miracle will come in the existence of that very strength

Side note again,
What is your stance on efficiency in movies
Like is a movie better because it can tell a story in 1.5 hours,
Or can it never compare to say, 3 hours of proper storytelling
Brb

+==edit==+
04.46am

Hahah my above post
See la when you have no friends to talk to u talk to yourself on your blog and ask for your own opinions
Goodnight i guess, though I probably wont fall asleep in the next few hours

+==edit==+
05.46am

I just wanna tell you, it takes everything in me not to call you
I wish I could run to you
And I hope you know that everytime I don't,
I almost do

+==edit==+
20.48pm

Still contemplating whether to go for the follow up at the hospital tomorrow
Last thing I want to do right now is to care about anything lol let me be sad in peace
I'd be lying if I said the vertigo is totally gone but I can function normally now the pain just comes visit sometimes so i'll just ignore it until it goes away on its own

Today I ate half a cheesecake for brunch and the other half for dinner
Self care at its finest

+==edit==+
21.29pm

Only twice in my life has my period been delayed because of extreme sadness lol and it's all the past 3 months
How crazy and surreal that my emotions can affect my physical health to such extent
Also im just gonna blame the planets for feeling this way since i cant blame hormones anymore

+==edit==+
23.42pm

There's a time for tough love and there's a time to let your inner self just feel
Poor soul is just confused

02.33am

Ballingers just announced baby's name it's too cute
Met fahri for the first time just now
Precious boy was so well behaved and way too cute
Definitely have to see him again and again!!!
I wished I was a lighter soul right now so I can share the joy with the people around me- I could use some happiness that comes from within
For now i'll just hide in solitude until I have the energy to fit in again
This too shall pass

+==edit==+
04.39am

Never want to work office hours again because dont want to feel the weekend-weekday distinction
I just realised im a working person who should be up by 8
I dont agree

+==edit==+
16.37pm

Just dont want to talk to anyone
Usually that excludes you but today it doesnt
Do not percieve me anymore i dont wanna exist among people

+==edit==+
21.48pm

Why must I want cake at 10pm
More importantly, why don't I have unlimited access of cake

+==edit==+
23.25pm

Just how many more nights of heartache can I endure?

00.00am

Note to self: tHANKFULLY you were born an extrovert
No matter what you're feeling, being around people HELPS
I was so resistant to leave home today
But im back and feeling much better
Alhamdulillah

+==edit==+
03.54am

Wanna fall asleep soon but my entire being is wide awake i hope i manage
Ive been so tired upon waking up the past 2 days
Zzz
Looking forward for today wished it was 5 pax so I could bring chiqatito but alas

+==edit==+
10.24am

Yay good morning
I probably blogged about this before but I always have a dillemma between wanting to wear shades and letting the sun and sky hit my eyes

+==edit==+
19.47pm

Dont know my place
Too lazy to ask for it
So just be sad in peace la okay

+==edit==+
20.49pm

Im sad and my grab driver keeps talking to me
;(

+==edit==+
21.31pm

What a terrible terrible feeling
To keep being this down
Most of the time im not even thinking about anything
My soul is not at peace, and it's resisting everything I do making everything I do feel heavy

00.55am

Hi tired of being sad most times I choose to take control and STOP but sometimes emotions win
Tonight I simply won't let it
Why cant I ever SLEEP

+==edit==+
02.06am

Somehow one of the things that brings me comfort is just seeing other people happy

+==edit==+
03.08am

Just ordered supper im not even hungry
But is ok cause along and ele wanted food too hahah

+==edit==+
03.59am

KKKG has no business being so sad
How can a movie you've watched zillions of times still make you cry

+==edit==+
04.06am

Still the biggest plot twist when SRK participated in Bole chudiyan

+==edit==+
04.57am

To think about it, unrequited love seems to the one of the purest forms of love there is.
Love naturally is selfish, if love was selfless it only makes sense to be one sided
And that's why love is so powerful- to attain it one endures the magnitude of hurt unheard of
Whether it's worth it is debatable
K bye i thought ive had enough of crying after watching KKKG but apparently not lol

+==edit==+
17.30pm

Went to sleep sad, woke up sad.
God let this cycle end

13.37pm

Getting up when you're ready is such a nice feeling
Of course there are days to push yourself but days when you're in total control of time and flow is beautiful

+==edit==+
23.58pm

Me announcing during hari raya: I cant wait to bring Alfie to Science centre
Everyone; ????????
Ok cus I want to go loll ahahahah everyone was like Why not zoo or beach why must be science centre
HmpH

01.39am

Just wanna go on picnics and sit by the beach

+==edit==+
07.05am

My updated office hours shall be 2am-2pm but 2am-5am is fun job and 6am-2pm is not fun job

+==edit==+
14.19pm

Ok i need everyone to stay home and be safe so I can be outside alone and be free

+==edit==+
20.21pm

No offence but imagine being pregnant for 9 months and calling the child Todd
So funny it's a Baby not Toddler

+==edit==+
21.29pm

I.. feel like trying to make maggi goreng but i also love the soup but ok fine try new things I will update how it goes

ps i capitalize the first person I according to nothing

+==edit==+
23.01pm

After I got my hair wash the hairdresser blow dried my hair straight and my hair is still straight now??
Ive always hated straightening my own hair cus my hair never adheres
What magical technique and product did he use wew
Also the maggi goreng was a major win

00.20am

Work resumes today after a week of MC
Also I hate replying to emails the unnecessary formalities Im over it have been a long time ago
Who even made these rules I will clearly disobey you

+==edit==+
02.33am

Ah, here comes the monthly crying-over-you session
Dont worry it's just hormones

+==edit==+
09.48am

Woke up with a slight headache again
At this point, perhaps the trigger is just the thought of work lol jk
Drank iced water which dont taste good only the ice part is nice
Also no idea what time I fell asleep so im quite happy im awake now even though no can do
I need a bit more rest before jumping back into work

+==edit==+
14.32pm

Me just now; why am i so tired for no reason cmon get up
Me remembering the date; oh yea
But yea, pre menstrual lethargy is very real thats usually the symptom I get which is tired for "no reason"

+==edit==+
19.02pm

Went to the salon for a hair wash my head feels 3x lighter
Also I simply hate watching beyonce sing live because my head cant stop asking How and Why
Too good

+==edit==+
23.34pm

Is it possible for me to play both glinda and elphaba

Hari raya Haji x My first Hospital experience (05.12am)

I should sleep I should sleep
Early day today
Or maybe i'll just have a midday nap later with all my raya glory

+==edit==+
05.37am

Now that im feeling better I think from everyone's kind prayers and self-distraction via singing for the past 8 hours, let me blog about my first experience (hopefully LAST unless childbirth but even then im thinking twice now) being an outpatient at a hospital
I went while I wasnt feeling the worst- world was still swaying but wasnt spinning and hurting like the worst case scenario, but I wasnt feeling straight so I decided (i'd say i regret it but i dont believe in regretting cause everything happens for a reason) to go to the A&E (also cause the idea was planted in my head by people- real me would've stayed home until im cured which if I could turn back time that's exactly what I would have continued doing)
It was a traumatic experience- don't get me wrong it wasn't bad at all I think it was as smooth as it could've been (and I didnt have to wait at all cause the hospital was emptyish) but the whole night once I was at home I kept catching myself relieving the moments there and thanking god I was home comfortably
I got blood drawn and got an IV drip for the first time which i've personally been the human to wait for another to finish their IV drip and now being in that spot- I recognize the feelings that comes with it
It's the What would the doctor do to me next, I could've been at home, I wished I didn't have to be here feelings that kept replaying
The doctors were so efficient I didn't know what was going on until the very end right before my discharge.
Suddenly I was having my finger pricked for sugar level test, suddenly I had to remove my top for heart scan, suddenly on that same bed the doctor put up the sides and rolled me out of the consultation room (shirt already on thank you very much), suddenly I was lying down waiting for a doctor to come and see me, suddenly he brought over a tray and announced he would be drawing some blood (which I was like THIS is what I was hoping not to happen but alas, thankfully it was painless!!!! Alhamdulillahx3, it wasnt any more painful than the vaccination jab aka it looks more painful that it felt. I was so scared right before I asked "Pain or not" but as it happened I was literally like "Wait that's it? Lol that was alright" and doc was like "See I told you it's nothing")
Suddenly I was rolled to the nurse's area and got an IV bag attached to me. Suddenly another IV bag was put in place. Suddenly 2 hours has passed and the doctor (same one who drew my blood) briefed me about follow ups and medicines and saying I could be discharged right as my IV finished
I was so so relieved when I heard that
Two separate humans told me when they went to A&E for vertigo they got a shot and then almost immediately felt better
I got IV drips and felt the same lolol
Still had vertigo even to this evening, (I brought myself to bugis dizzily please dont do such things I trust myself only) until I had a 2, 3 hours nap and then forced myself to socialise and relearnt how to play the guitar (my fingers are unhappy with me) and then sang until 4am
Ok thats all, my story
All in all, traumatic even though smooth, the feeling of uncertainty waiting for doctor's next move sucks, and just being there sucks.
Thankfully my phone was fully charged???
But also yea that made me rethink childbirth ive always not minded it just by the sheer fact that so many women around me has went through it and life goes on as normal (now even literally people my age) but being checked upon for no reason (ok la baby is reason) is not fun lol
May Allah keep us all in good health always so we can continue our deeds perfectly Amin2
Cant wait to eat raya food actually im hungry now I should go and eat something lol

+==edit==+
11.36am

Kay got to sleep for 3 hours lol snoozed all my alarms but all is good cause we all know how long ele takes to shower anyway

04.09am

Feels so uncomfortable all around but at least I can watch videos without being dizzy so that's a major win
I managed to wake up at 11am yesterday for rehearsearl okaY even though had trouble sleeping so idk why now im not exhausted beyond words (ok fine i napped a bit while they were singing lol) (oh ya wtheck I did fall asleep at like 11pm-1am hahaha ok forget I asked)
Thinking of a dress I accidentally rejected but I badly want it I never regretted not buying something before but this I kinda do that I might drag myself out of bed to go buy it once bugis street opens
Hopefully I feel A okay
Also wanna go hiking again not sure when my body will allow that
The dress though

+==edit==+
19.33pm

Selamat hari raya aidiladha!
I still feel dizzy but im convincing myself it's just an illusion so i'll be ok
Havent replied to caring texts from humans but I will soon
I actually did a dangerous activity by going out by myself this afternoon to... buy the dress hahahahaah and also got some cinnamon rolls
The whole time I was like spinning but trying to fit in by walking as normally as possible
But yay the dress wasnt sold yet it was waiting for me we were meant to be!
Spent less than an hour outside and grabbed to and fro (thanks ryde for being 6$ to bugis) to minimize faintability possibility

05.05am

Cant  fall  asleep
Dont give me that cant sleep love
I need rest

+==edit==+
23.15pm

Day started so fun cause of rehearsearl despite dizziness but ended not fun but at least I dont feel faint every move I make I guess

02.45am

I was just made aware that I lost weight (i know my weight like once every 3 years hahahahah) and what does my body do in response?
Crave junk food lolol im not one to resist
I was just thinking where can I get cake at this time I just had ice cream and chips today but now I want cake at 2am but I realise I have chocolate in my fridge
Im gonna just blame it on the meds maybe it's a side effect
Also almost a week since I felt this way (vertigo not crave snackz)
Cant wait to go back to normal this is no fun i dont even like roller coasters that much
I also ate spinach soup today so cancels out
My vision is so blurry n i cant even scroll on my phone for leisure cus dizzy so what i do is use phone to choose a long video (looking for a video is as much as my brain and eyes can take it) and then shut my eyes and eventually fall asleep so literally wake up eat meds rest eat food sleep wake up repeat cycle
K bye

+==edit==+
03.58am

:( wHY cant i fall asleep!!!!

+==edit==+
23.27pm

Fell asleep instantly when on my grandma's couch
Now im in bed and im struggling to keep my eyes shut
So annoyiNg

12.53pm

This new drug is definitely stronger than the previous one which did nothing I was probably swallowing tic tacs
But we love when dizziness is a side effect of the drug to treat your dizziness
I feel 20% better but dang the blurry vision but at least I dont feel like falling every little movements I make (also i take this back entirely)
Scary how this drug is a tiny white dot who knew you'd be powerful ok maybe smaller cus more powerful or more pow ok i dizzy

+==edit==+
18.12pm

Hahaha i just spilled water all over my pillow lucky water
My fam is going out and i cant even pretend to be able to walk to follow them lol
HmPh

09.56am

She gonna need mc today again had to sit down and face the screen cus 4 people called me out (i.e spamming my emails) for not logging into something yet just to find out it's their end that has the issue n now my blood and gravity is confused hashtag extra disoriented i give up gonna keep resting typing this is torture but im a blogger soz probably gonna edoctor or should I just go poly lol so far though

+==edit==+
16.30pm

Hoping for a miracle even though it's fun having a valid reason to mc so many days

+==edit==+
21.26pm

Something about waiting for your turn at the doctor's that removes your ailments for that moment and then u think ure ok then u go home and u realise nope maybe it's extroversion

01.57am

I have this power to convince myself im ok right after deciding to eat meds
Was just gonna pop the pills out and my brain is like Do I really need this I feel fine
But right after putting it back down im dizzy again what joke

+==edit==+
12.53pm

I have needed the toilet since 3am but unable to get up hahahaha at what point can I stop ignoring it

+==edit==+
19.46pm

Can hear my family eating
Not fair

04.05am

Haha i was finally gonna give up and drag myself to a clinic like right now but google says consultation fees are >100$ after midnight so i'll just force myself to go back to sleep then im not that weaK

23.39pm

Still cant decide if i should see the doctor

01.02am

Running a fever i think cus today was so cold the whole daytime and then warm during nighttime my body is confused
Rehearsearl in 11 hours!!!
The way my body INSISTS to sleep between 9-11pm dang I knocked out right as I got home and woke up after to finally settle down
Ok yes this is not sick fever this is temperaturenal (hahahaha) fever my surrounding just need to stick to one and let my body adapt
Had a lovely day though I was tiredish
Had heavy brunch (i tried wagyu steak for the first time and it was muy delicioso) (but with that price i'll stick to my maggi goreng lol)
Went into the museum where mama tried to scare us into leaving because we were PAYING ATTENTION TO EVERYTHING and taking long so she videocalled us from outside (she was done before us) and said got ghost behind us (though it could be half true hahaha but NO she just hater want to walk2)
Went to bugis where mama and mak yah went pedicure while ele chiqa and i bought a dress each and earrings hehhe im gonna wear it everyday lol u'll see me in no other clothing options
Went for durian afterwards and played some childhood games and then homed and crash
Also incorporating aha/bha toner for the first time to skincare routine we'll see how it goes
Ok i feel very nothing right now like not tired not awake not hungry not full not cold not hot
I think the word is content

ps isnt durian such a first world singaporean problem like it's our pleasure but it is banned everywhere lolol

+==edit==+
04.03am

Ok ok ok pls try and sleep now ok

+==edit==+
08.46am

Not

+==edit==+
11.10am

I was gonna blog above but suddenly my head started spinning??
Never felt that way before haish but it for- oof it just happened again
Ok i should stop blogging and get ready

03.47am

Have been working for the past 3 hours straight
Way more productive at this time than in the day
But I have family lunch later quite excited for the food usually I dont care about what we eat but lol once in a while look forward to the menu ok la haha
Ok bye back to work I will go until I dont feel like it anymore
My back hurts from sitting im not made for desktop work
I usually lie down anyway but too lazy to put on contacts hahahaha this might not be logical but it is
I have been sleeping like 9-11pm, then 7-10am then sometimes another 1 hour afternoon nap so like cavemen or baby sleep schedule lol
K bye again
Oh wait, chiqa cooked something new today!
She suddenly whatsapped me and cited the recipe for buttermilk chicken
She literally saw me do it once and she remembers hahaha and she even asked Along to buy evaporated milk so she can cook it today
Wana: ah later she cook this everyday for a week
Lolol not complaining
So yes good job

+==edit==+
04.22am

Was gonna do a bit more but singtel just crashed on me so thanks
Now my whole body is crying in pain hahahah lozer
Okay hopefully i'll fall asleep by 7 and not be woken up too early

+==edit==+
07.23am

Nice now I have 3 hours to sleep 3 is a fun number
Fun fact randomly struck by Sad girl hour
Very not welcomed Oh wait isnt it past sunrise already
Oh yea hahaha ok no time to be sad anymore

+==edit==+
12.16pm

nobody;
my brain out of nowhere: pHil leSteR!!! yoURe a GENIUS!

+==edit==+
13.07pm

Ok nope im on brand going out just to eat is not an endeavour I find worthy
Id rather stay home and not think about food ahhaha

02.30am

I taught chiqa (more like I was gonna cook then she volunteered to help) how to cook fried rice and now she has cooked it 4 days in a row for the family
We are just supportive people and she cooks good so yes we have officially eaten the 1 recipe for four days hahaha I love this energy cause the more she cooks the more we praise her and the more we praise her the more she cooks
Literally right as she gets home from school, she changes, rest for a while and straightaway cooks hahaha tiny mother
I tried asking if she wanted to learn a variation, or another recipe but she said Nope
Got a two hour nap between 9-11pm so now im up at 2am drinking coffee
Did some work today!
Feels like I havent gone out in so long but im sure it's only like 2 or 3 days (wait i literally went out yesterday ahahaha ok dont count cause no sunshine)
Patiently waiting for sunday to roll around cause finally get to sing again

+==edit==+
18.01pm

I remember being so sad for my fav american vloggers when their covid situation seemed endless (and theyre doing their part but dumb people still resisting even MASK WEARING) but now theyre back to normalcy
Hang in there Malaysia :(
Im not saying this is the case but it's so sad that there are irresponsible people among the ones who try so hard to follow protocol leading to the cases not going down despite most doing their part- even while struggling in doing so
It'll be even sadder if these people who don't stay home actually has no choice and has to go out and work to survive
So happy that the white flag initiative was started, neighbours take care of neighbours and people with capabilities like celebrities and influencers give what they can and use their platform for good
Im most certain even those with not much to give are giving to those who need it more
Times like these we need so much compassion
Here's to healing insyaallah, Allah is with the patient!!!
(also still think compassion is the root of all good)
Makes me feel extra grateful for our current situation

03.35am

Besides sleep schedule my eating habits seem to be changing as well
I am hungry more than once a day
One not so good thing is how high maintanence it feels when youre used to only feeling like eating once a day
Like Wait im hungry Again??? I already ate today
But of course im always happy to listen to my body's needs
Except now at 3.30am I feel like walking to fayidha and ordering me maggi goreng or prata both sounds ridiculously great right now

02.42am

Decided to stop denying that im a night creature again and did some work past midnight yays (instead of waiting till morning)
Mama made me coffee also so double yays
My eating habits has been weird but also normal
I finally ate chicken pau with samyang sauce and I only have one word; MORE.
It's so good! Duh
Also rehearsals are finally resuming this week, and im beyond happy about it alhamdulillah
Back to my craft!!!!
Very motivated but also ok let's not at 3am hahaha
Cant tell if im hungry or peckish
To be fair I ate a few small things throughout the day
I needa buy more of that tiny walnut raisin bread cause eating it for breakfast made me full fast
Idk what im saying my brain is not even moving
But ok bye hahaha here's to a lovely Wednesday ahead!

+==edit==+
14.50pm

Current lifestyle is supposedly getting enough sleep, but waking up tired
How even
Have to leave home in 2 hours and I cant imagine moving but im happy to drag myself out but why did i sign up for this

+==edit==+
20.51pm

Seeing people being kind in their own little ways makes me happy ;')
A man flagging the bus for another person who is chasing it,
Someone helping hold the door
Just anything you do to make another's life's slightly better
Bless you beings

+==edit==+
22.37pm

Abandoned by hmX!!! angry
Haha but ok got to interact with them a bit
Cant wait to reunite and sing cus im not a gamer

22.36pm

Oh hi
Lazy day today

01.21am

Dont even want to be around people in case they feel the feelings im not bothering to hide
Also today my brain said
In Malay we Main with Mainan
In English we're Toying with Toys
Idk why my brain is happy thinking about that
Finally watched Escape the night- ok mostly cause I watched joey's video on it but haha the concept is super coool but im just not interested in most of the youtubers involved I guess lol but season 3 was most wholesome and almost logical (actually I anyhow I cant really remember but I guess so hahaha)
K bye

+==edit==+
04.05am

Im a human who likes her phone naked and the only phonecase ive ever used in the history of all the phones ive had before just chipped and im sad cause that phonecase (which i only used cause my brother abandoned it) made my phone bulletproof
I could throw my phone around and it helps my phone not slide off my hands as often (sometimes my hand just dont have friction pfft fingerprints who) and I feel so secure with it
Now im using one of mama's decorative phonecase and yes it looks good but 1) it is BIG and hurts my hand holding it right now typing this my wrists and fingers are crying 2) sLippery. Slippery and idek if it's secure like can I drop my phone and it be protected hm???
I would prefer to just leave my phone casingless but the transition from a thicc stable casing to nothing- sis gotta unlearn some habits first (like letting my phone drop without trying to catch it- on the contrary I have to avoid it cus if it falls on my feet which it has, it HURTZ but thats how i know it works hahahah)
Ive also developed a habit of tapping my phone on buses cause i put my ezlink in the casing which is convenient
Eh, we'll see
I might remove this casing like right after posting this cause it's hurting my entire hands k bye
Here's to a beautiful, ass kicking week ahead!

+==edit==+
13.32pm

Tell me why my brain suddenly decides I feel like eating chicken pau with samyang sauce inside it
Excuse you brain cravings are for preriods only but that does sound good hahahahah i can make it happen right now

+==edit==+
20.16pm

Science dont lie, getting some sun and beach air is always good for the soul
The weather today was so beautiful!
Managed a few hours picnic hehe always perks me up im a changed person everytime
Except today was youth day which meant the place was crowded with noisy young people (kids noise are welcomed, young people noise no unless it's me hahahahahaha) usually mondays are so quiet and peaceful and I have the world all to myself
It's kay they go back to school tomorrow HAHAHA

+==edit==+
20.26pm

Didnt do the pau thing cause my rice cooker had rice in it and I didnt want to steam on the stove hahahah tomorrow we make that happen okay

+==edit==+
20.44pm

Anyway heard the ndp song for the first time cause i was avoiding being disappointed but i was anyway HAHAHAHA
3/10
The first 2 lines were nice then just went downhill also indie voices for ndp songs; personally not a fan cause like so unsingalongable idk
The video's animations are so cute though!!!

03.48am

Yeah so I was just doing nothing when stylo sent a video of them at nenek's house eating so im like Sis im COMING and got ready in record time and grabbed over (also meant i cannot even ask if ele or chiqa wanna follow cause they arent quick get readyers and I wasnt gonna wait hahahaha)
Got to carry baby alfie who is A TALL BOI he's only 2 months plus and he barely fits in my arms already how like this I must grow extra body space
But so happy to see him growing healthily and well such a cutie
And we're already thinking of which wrestler to assign to him and iqin the lesnar said Dom mysterio and im like If he is dom he is my child cus im the reyrey
And of course got to see the fam hahaha ok yall should know baby and grandma gets all the attention ok it's a given
Papa sent me home yayz and I brought back durians I didnt eat any yet though
Kay im like 30% sleepy and it just started raining idk if the sound will keep me awake or lull me to sleep
Probably not my bedtime is sunrise now I guess
Okay here's to a wonderful Sunday ahead

+==edit==+
15.33pm

Poets are but the worst lovers,
They immortalise someone too beautifully
Too beautifully it should not make sense
It should not exist but at the same time we know it does and it's what they felt and that it was real once upon a time
It shouldn't make sense and it doesn't
Especially when they realise love is but delayed pain but still chooses to put these feeling in concrete, knowing that one day it'll be nothing but a distant memory they'll never ever reclaim
A weird magic of memory where each and evry feeling will come back and pang on the heart as fresh as it was just yesterday, upon rereading those words
Just one everlasting chance of reviving those feelings for a few heartbeats more
And that is why poets are but the worst lovers-
They drag others into that misery too

+==edit==+
16.38pm

Another lonely sunday at home but i guess it's peaceful lol
And I love kung fu panda so much k

+==edit==+
22.16pm

Ok this is bad advice to give others but "just dont be sad" would 100% work on me because once my brain hears those words it goes onto a series of uncomplicated logical process that forces emotions into submission
Maybe
Tis just a theory

04.43am

Yeah officially back to my default body clock
Hi my fellow night owls im back
Morning birdness was fun while it lasted- almost a month I think which is quite long
Happy birthday frodo alimony my uncle ♡

+==edit==+
21.56pm

Cena: Lets meet soon!!
Me 5 mins later: Ok meet soon!!
Cena: Why? Why meet soon
HAHAHAHA excuse u but also i got to see baby alfie tonight!!!
He is so cuteee

02.47am

What is it about the heart,
That takes it so long to understand what the mind long has
For something that is so inconsistent and everchanging,
It sure is adamant

+==edit==+
10.00am

Can you believe I woke up from stupid spam messages from spam companies???
Like who is giving our numbers to these people ughhh this should be illegal
Anyways
Took so long and much to fall asleep last night wew
Also suddenly last night my arm started to lose the pain and today it's even more healed so yay to that actually quite a cool feeling to have such a persistent pain just gradually stop
Really want to play with makeup but also really dont want to wash it off
Ok la bye I didnt even know it is friday today until someone from jenb group chat said her wedding is livestreaming this evening
Hello @ me losing sense of time as usual

+==edit==+
18.06pm

Cooked japanese curry!!! Who needs monster planet now
Also ok fine I will play with makeup right now I cant resist it any longer

05.09am

Eek that 2 hour nap broke me now i cant sleep
Imma try cus work is in 3 hours