Get my head in the game (07.01am)

Finally feel okay to start spring cleaning
It's so easy to be mean to clothes but I think i'll have a problem with books but let's see I will might surprise myself
My eyes are heavy though my body and brain are wide awake so im prepared to get a few hours of shut eye (hopefully a natural, alarmless power nap) before heading to school or if I wake up early enough, continue cleaning
So much to do today but bismillah for the day!
May Allah always keep us under his guidance, blessings and protection insyaallah

Waiting for humans are bad (18.59pm)

I had 5-6 dreams regarding a music score im waiting for that is supposed to arrive today
So terrible omg 5 eh in a span of what, 2 hours?
Ok selamat berbuka

ps please end my misery send it soon please

+==edit==+
19.37

I just want to take a moment to be thankful that my family understands my sleeping schedule I can't imagine people who have families who forces them to work against their natural tendencies only leading to their own downfall
Sleep may be normal but it's not normal for some beings out there
It requires a community of understanding but we don't have that so progress is necessary psht it's 2019 why are yall still backwards

How did I not realise (00.29am)

That my current sleep schedule is me getting the best of both worlds!
Im sleeping through the actual night so like 8-12am so I can enjoy both the day and late nights
Ok buaiii

01.07am

My heart is full
Just had a day with 2/3 of north pole and idk adulting sucks but doing it with them makes it equally as exciting as it is nervewrecking
♡ lovely night
Now back to rehearsals hehe

+==edit==+
07.08am

Just cut my bangs out of boredom
Didnt go all the way though what kind of commitment is that im not prepared
But like huhu already feel rebranded
I got like 40 mins of sleep but right now im so awake how ah should I nap before or after rehearsal
After sounds good too actually
We'll see how my existence take it

+==edit==+
08.14am

Kind of liking how my body refuses to sleep in the morning
I think im overestimating how much rest I need at this phase
Bruh im good

+==edit==+
11.16am

Help should I bring my laptop out then I submit everything today
Also woke up at the wrong interval so am quite tired but better some rest than none
Gotta get ready quickkkk and then hop out
Bismillah for the day ahead!

Hibernation (03.19am)

Slept so much last night which is good cause recharge
Think I did 2 hour intermittent with approx 5-10 mins of awake time between each
Im my own case study lol
Also I drank water and I can feel half of my body screaming "BeTRAYER" and the other half yelling "FINALLY"
Lollll

+==edit==+
07.16am

On my way back from sending babychiqatito from school
Should do this more often hahah we were too early (cus her sister- me- decided to cab lol frog) so we played swings for like 3 mins
Wouldnt have minded walking home but eh i'll just bus
Also thought of heading to the library after sending her, do some work and then head home to nap before meeting yol for buka but again, I think it's just the puasa + holiday mode where I dont mind being at home most of the time especially in the day where there are humans around
But yes another beautiful day today heheh
I shall enjoy the bus ride!

+==edit==+
07.51am

Perhaps one of the easiest thing to do is to always assume the best about others
Insyaallah we'll continue practicing this
I'd say old me was better at this but there's no reason I can't do the same again

02.51am

Self care not on point hahah but as long as my brain and actions matches it should be dandy

+==edit==+
03.00am
In a great twist of events, I woke up shortly after napping but decided to sleep again and despite waking up 3 more times in between I think I got a solid 5 hours sleep im glad
Needless to say I missed the event
Im trying to nap again but I realise it's 3 so like might as well sleep after 7 or 8 or something
Rehearsal in the noon

+==edit==+
05.40am

So im a firm naked phone user
But like with this s9+ I only put the cover cause it came with the box
So I got used to the lack of authenticity
Then just now fruke passed me one of his phone covers and now my phone feels so different also the cover is so smooth I cant grip my phone my phone might slide down everything
But it looks so aesthetic wot m8 matte black is a great look
It's just too slippery for my non grippy hands but here's to extra protection hahahaha

+==edit==+
16.49pm

Am walking home from a fun rehearsal hehe
It is a very very very beautiful day, I actually felt like bringing myself out but weekend crowd everywhere is such a bummer but still, it is a really lovely weather
Me: sleeps from 8pm-12am
Also me at 12pm: why am i even sleepy lol

Here to say how it's so important to practice contextualised religion.
Sometimes it can get so overwhelming to do everything right but I think it's most important that we not only have the purest intentions, but also the want and efforts to get better
(Ok a friendly neighbour aunty was talking to me ive never seen her but hello have a lovely day)
It's ok if you can't singlehandedly feed all the starving people in the world, or help every helpless turtles- make sure your siblings and friends have eaten, feed the stray cat under your void deck
Do within your means
Religion is never made to be hard, but also it is always easier to build up than start hyped and begin feeling the burden of things

Society's views on ideals are very twisted we been knewn

Ok wait my thoughts are very cut off cause im home and no vitamin D here so im going to go rest before buka
Have a lovely day

04.28am

Look at me not being worried about packing for photoshoot cause I have to leave home before my bedtime huhuhu but also I havent slept so do you think i'll be sleepy earlier I hope not we'll see
Had a fun prac session heheh we just parted ways 15 mins ago but we're meeting again in exactly 5 hours I hope they wake up on time lolz
Thinking whether I should mask now or after 6am probably later i just want to physically rest
Okey adeu

+==edit==+
06.50am

Just realised I must leave home in an hour??? Loll means I must start packing and getting ready and wake elephant up
Wot m8

+==edit==+
18.05pm

Not a feeling i'd say I experience often (ok or do I, idk anymore) lethargy but with energy
Like spiritually and emotionally so driven but physically just want to rest sleep rest
Had a lovely day, and despite all of us (ends up with them being lifeless after my soul vaccuum sucked their energies) being so tired, we pushed through and saying goodbye at 5pm felt so early psht hmx
I love how we all were like "omg lets wear (insert colour and designs here)" and then ended up being too lazy to change so we ended up with "do we really need photos"
Lol
Ok
In a dillemma currently
Like I said im tired, but there's an iftar event ongoing that I was supposed to attend but I cannot fathom the thought of going and you know fake socializing I can't do any of those now
Ugh

08.20am

Cenaing real hard also making me baffled as to how my body accepts 90 mins naps as a full night's sleep
Not complaining at all im both the late owl and early bird huhuhu
GOT TO SETTLE ALL THE ADMIN STUFF TODAY and then I can focus on music making

Talking about music
A lot of people like this year's National day song (I think they cant tell it was 2015's lolll and that was nice) but the people who dont, has the same reasons I do so like no biasness or uneducated opinioning up in here
K bye move on from this topic

In an unnecessary twist of events, im the second ranked among my fb friends in subway surf lolll I wanted to be first but the top score is freaking 4 billion I have no time and hand energy to do that bruh how and why but mad props
K

Also is it just me or I don't eat while im on my period this ramadhan except while breaking fast, but I feel less hungry than I do when I have predawn meals when im actually fasting
Is it mindset or the body's just confused
Either way I cant wait to get back on track insyaallah

05.58am

Eehehe had a lovely day
Think I must really submit all paperwork later today man
We'll see!

+==edit==+
08.56am

Happily woke up after an hour cause apparently that is enough rest after a night of no sleep sure
But now i'm here because I am... idk is appalled too dramatic
I just have no words for "this year's" National day "song"
Bro I didn't wait 11 months to hear a remake of We are the world Haiti edition
Ok let me break it down
Local talents, sure, great, support local, (look at my pr statement) especially the veterans I was squealing internally seeing ramli sarip BUT WHAT WAS THAT PART THEY GAVE HIM sure it's important cause it's the ONLY PART other singaporeans can sing along to
I read the comments on fb and youtube, and people were defending the song and attacking the other singaporeans (hereby referred to as sgeans) for complaining when there's a new song and when there's another remix- yes, ANOTHER.
My issue is not the recycling of songs (ok I mean there must be someone out there who can compose a fresh piece but sure)
The issue is HOW it's done
What the frogcake is the forced fit mashup that is 80% ONE song
The 20%ed song is MY FAV SONG btw what a dishonour to both the lovely songs they are great on their own
And the middle instrumental part with attempted runs, idk I just dk how they allocated parts
Let's not talk about musicality cause im no professional myself kudos to the arranger (not really) musicians (very admirable keep it up) and singers

I think i'm mostly upset cause National day songs has always been an integral part of my childhood- my cousins and I would be memorizing the lyrics and dance steps and the first time we met after the song was released we'd be screaming the songs together
The songs had the power to unite, excite and spark love and pride into our country
The growing lackluster (or lack of attention) to the meaning of these songs, or the attempt to redefine the meanings that does not resonate within the Singaporean hearts, is reflective of the lacking of the Singaporean pride
Yes you have all these great talents, across all generations, and it is endearing to see attempts at refreshing,
But yet again,
It failed to fulfill the yearning most of us long to feel of having a song perk us up for 9th August
As a music piece, it is lovely (ok honestly not really the two songs are either better left alone, or couldve been mashed better)
But let's be honest, as a National day song,
It sucks.

It's ok if you like it, don't tell us who don't that we are wrong for not liking it
I would most likely rewatch this many more times, and might be more forgiving in the future,
But first impression is that it's a solid whatttt in the ratings

ps "you complain later you still sing"- yes i might still sing along, because i liked the songs on their own and i have them memorised in my heart, but this doesnt mean i cant complain about how bad it is. also we cant change it so if you cant beat them join them (bad life motto btw) also, doing this does not mean i can't hope for a better new song for the one day we live out the values sung about in the past national day songs

ps "talk so much you compose la"- and no, i probably cant compose a better song and im sure most of the people who complains can't either. but this has no correlation whatsover with the weird rebranding of songs; there was a risk taken and it turned out to be a blunder in the form of an artistic inefficiency, but as long as there is still integrity in the music making scene in singapore, there's no reason we can't continue giving the ndp song committee chances. (also you dont see me asking you to make your own mala chicken when you complain KFC cant do it right)

09.24am

Will probably find time to nap in school later
Usually by this time i'll be getting ready to sleep but my body is too used to a full 6 hours rest over the past few days so if I fall asleep now there is more than a 50% chance i'd end up not hearing my alarms
Instead i'll just stay up, my first alarm should be ringing in less than 2 hours also psht hahaha
Ok here's to a lovely day ahead

+==edit==+
15.53pm

Our reactions to the smallest of challenges might very well be our biggest downfall
God grant us patience and strength, and endless forgiveness insyaallah

00.03am

Chiqa keeps complaining about how her math teacher is not helpful at all and I am inclined to get into parent mode and be like "You should listen to her better she wants the best for you" but as true as the latter can be, speaking from fresh experience there are teachers who really are incompetent, and is more trouble than useful
I've had fair shares of great, average and bad teachers and thankfully my mind space is mature enough to realise I can handle them all
But for mere children like baby chiqa and her classmates, a bad teacher can very well be the downfall of their motivation, love for learning and growth
We can't pin these on self choices alone- kids are so easily moulded that it's just wrong for them to be around people who doesnt encourage positive growth
And now all I can say is- I know your teacher may suck, and you probably in return have no motivation to learn from her and failing her classes will demoralise you even further, but there's always an alternative
Yes, this new generation is freaking strawberries they can get so weak and fragile and it always feels like i'm treading on eggshells dealing with them like it is so common for kids to have depression and suicidal thoughts these days it's not a joke, I deeply wished it was but it's not
As tempting as it is to blame upbringing and whatever, it is still undeniably the case currently-bso what we have to do to move forward is to give them the proper support they need

That being said there is no direct correlation between the ideal ways of upbringing and the outcome
So many, too many circumstances will affect how a child will turn out, and a child's behaviour doesn't always last- people change so constantly
What's most important is to remember they are just children who is learning how to live, and they deserve the best of what the world can offer
Leave the suffering to adults ok let us collectively agree on this
Leave the most love for the babies of the world
♡

I feel really deeply for circumstances affecting growth, like I used to think mindset is everything but circumstances really do affect your life in ways you can't control.
You can choose to be positive and that's beyond amazing, but there will still be restrictions to your growth
Basically your full potential is harder to reach with your limitations
But as long as you keep on pushing for growth, no matter how slow and painful it gets,
You will get there

I heard the radio a few minutes before breaking fast earlier and the dude was saying how whilst hardship may seem like a blatant disadvantage, affluence might very well instead be our downfall because we might stop remembering god and get more focused on worldly gains whereas in hardship we find ourselves praying for support and thinking and relying so much on Him.
Whatever place we're in, whatever problems and successes we have, it's our personal battles and all we can actively do is make lives of people around us easier and hope they do the same for us too, insyaallah

ps to educators, i think you can tell when you suck. just do everyone a favour and either find love and passion for the job or leave- this applies to educators of ALL ages im sure there are people out there more passionate to impart knowledge than you are passionate about keeping a secure job

pps everyone's situation is different yes, but like I said, do something about it. TRY smarter and kinder. K bye

+==edit==+
03.46am

Bullcrap blogger back at it again yay I typed and it disappeared
Was saying how I thought it was 1.48amish and that I told myself to sleep early and have a full day tomorrow but
Eh

+==edit==+
06.05am

Just got done (barely) editing a vlog and I hope my phone processes it well hahahaha it's so long I don't usually keep my vlogs that long
Also sudden burst of motivation as usual comes very inexplicably
But I like it
Setting my alarm for no reason today but I will give it a reason
Probably will try to sleep before my usual bedtime at 9am hahahaha so I can get up normal human time and do things in public (im talking about going to the library I can promise you once libraries and swimming pools turn 24 hours I will no longer have a problem with my sleep schedule)

+==edit==+
08.42am

Right after posting the above I decided I shouldn't do things I don't feel like doing such as sleep before i'm sleepy so here I am
Still setting my alarm earlyish so I can have a lovely day ahead
I hope the groups starting rehearsals today have fun huhu

05.08am

Forced myself to sleep at midnight and woke up an hour later and then two hours later
Not sure if I realised I was running a fever and then dreamt about it or the other way round omg hahahahah
But I don't feel sick or anything my temperature is just high
Ok bye

+==edit==+
07.17am

Hais im hearing Sesuci lebaran on the radio and I just love raya songs on the radio I feel brand new everytime I hear it!!!

+==edit==+
17.22pm

My Rey is finally a Grand slam champion after capturing the US title last night :')
Broooo im so proud but also it was a long time coming he deserves it ahhhh A MILLION CONGRATULATIONS to mi esposo numero uno T.T ♡

Rehearsal resumes in TWO DAYS CAN WE BELIEVE IT I miss hmx those losers

02.24am

Why did I assume I blogged
Regardless, I had a really nice day (well considering my day started at 6.30pm)

+==edit==+
06.58am

I wanna rest but I also have so much to do but at the same time I want to take things slow
Also, it's 19 May we all know what that means-
Happy 23rd birthday great khali and yol!
Got to wish anisha irl at midnight cause she REMINDED us it was midnight HAHAH
But wouldnt have it any other way we were at the back of a lorry screaming happy birthday I love it
Ok I should nap

+==edit==+
17.11pm

I just had to come back okay hahahaha just watched another 40 mins video worth of the james charles issue and again, it just proves number 1 HOW DAFT MOST OF THE AUDIENCE ARE
They are so easily won over, by anyone
Like idk worms or ants when Tati drops the sweet they all flock there and now James does it and they flock back
It's 2019, be a smarter audience and a better person and not be so quick to judge
Another thing is how toxic the community can be
There are so many, SO MANY positive wholesome youtubers but the ones who gets most attention are the actually problematic ones
Which again, if we were all collectively smarter audience this wouldnt be the case
Ok whatever
I feel like the whole youtube community had just went through an actual history lesson together
Here's to greater things and less drama

00.31am

I had a surreal dream last night
Great thing is I got to experience something I haven't
Not so great thing is that if it doesn't come true irl it would be sad because I will always have that feeling to compare to
To think I learnt love from my subconscious
CrAZY but
I liked it, I slept and woke up 3 times and each time there was this one person giving me the same feeling throughout but I can't put a face to it
Efron is that you of course it is

+==edit==+
03.35am

Watched a few live ptx videos and scott with his unnecessary runs are so important
And their take me home live is too beautiful
Can't wait for rehearsal later because I finally learnt my part hah even though we'll be missing 2 parts boo keichian but both in their home countries though so ok valid reason
Also jing yong is flying back later muehehe time for full blast concert planning
Everytime I start writing 1 proposal I realise I have 6 more to write and then more side things to do hahaha
But it's ok one step at a time, and i'm enjoying it anyway
Just gotta send everything in by later tonight and I can finally focus on the actual production and less of the behind the scenes at least over the next week

Considering whether to work next week at all
Eh

+==edit==+
07.41am

Taking a break from transcribing a song, it's so fun but like it's so tempting to just not write it down cause "i'll know it" but i'm doing this for other people also so no harm doing it right
I think I finished transcribing the soprano part fully, tenor is so natural but alto sometimes I can't even hear you
Bass is easy and nonsensically weird at the same time so salud to all the basses ever for your natural yet weird note jumps
Think i'll replay the song 7 zillion more times and more

So offensive when people do work during my bedtime hello now I have to conform to the rest of you frogs neh see you in a few hours don't spam me pls

+==edit==+
16.37pm

Didn't get any dreams wot m8
And of course woke up with spams what else did we expect but it's ok i'm allowed to ignore everyone until my office hours
Just here to remind myself that it'll always be easier said than done to understand that other people's struggles may not sound tough and it's always tempting to say "I have it worse" but always, always, always if you need to compare your situation with others, do it with the intention of making sure others are as comfortable as you are.
Like the saying goes, the only time to look into your neighbour's bowl is to see if they have enough
If it gets too hard, compare your situation to others who have it worse- again, we don't need to self pity in the name of privilege to be kind but if it helps dip your ego and make you more accepting of yours and others' problems then do it
Ok bye

05.45am

Had a lovely day, started with unintentionally hibernating and then met somemonix for durian and then ended the day arranging a song with hidaya
Ended up losing track of time but we had fun hahahah
The contrast of energy level we were at 2 days ago and just now was so different HAHAHA
Today imma just be home settling tons of admin stuff so hi be prepared for my spams everyone

05.28am

Internal rebel at it again!
Hahaha hais I fell asleep at 12.04am and woke up exactly 4 hours 50 mins later great job self
Also look at me overestimating myself I was pouring water into a bottle so I can take my own sweet time drinking it (cant decide if doing it one shot or bit by bit is better) and I poured almost half the 500ml bottle and my reflexes stopped me immediately but my brain was like "no way pour a bit more in there" but in this case my body was smarter cus my hands laughed (what an image HAHA) and
Me to me: r u sure about that
Me to me: nope
So I didnt pour anymore and good thing I didn't cause im still stuck with at least 1.5 fingers spacing worth of liquid (idk how to gauge liquid volume ok I put 200ml but thats too much)
K bye if I manage to sleep well I might crash rehearsal if not I might still want to hahahaha please do have a blessed lovely day ahead!

ps NEXT WEEK rehearsal resumes so exciting but also there goes our almost a month break (thankfully theyre as overly attached as I am so we met almost every week for whatever reason or lackof)

+==edit==+
09.51am

I frogot I have slept no wonder I cant do it again hahahah
Not sure if im feeling better or just mentally free cause no obligations for the rest of the week?
Hopefully both

+==edit==+
14.08pm

Woke up being attacked over things I didnt do or beyond my control and im like loling my way through cause literally 5 people with 5 different issues
Probably exaggerating but I mean what a way to wake me up
Still contemplating going down for rehearsal actually sure why not I shall get ready then
See you

+==edit==+
17.57pm

Got ready but couldnt even
Thankfully I didn't cause I ended up napping and my vivid dreams came back!
Idk I self diagnose that as a mark that my sleep schedule is back on track (the ideal one for me)

04.00am

So why is she not complaining tonight even though it's still a struggle
've been out singing out of tune with hidaya and we were both tired and not feeling grand but still hashtag overly attached spent the night together being private nuisance (cause we disturb ourselves more than we disturb others)
K why are my fingers burning what mate
I want to nap
Also really want to not work or at least not for 9 hours D:

+==edit==+
05.39am

Think im reaching the point of mutual exhaustion
Naise

+==edit==+
13.08pm

Am actually on my way to work which is terrible cause I don't feel great at all but I hope for a turn of events and may my affairs be eased
It is so sunny and chilly at the same time
No bien

+==edit==+
23.29pm

Guess my spidey senses are once again proved on point
I survived, and it was quite a lovely day despite all
And I don't feel like crashing just yet ayy
(mostly cause I just know if I sleep now i'll wake up at 1am)

Why, Youtube? (03.56am)

Some of the greatest family vlogs' channels' comments have been disabled for awhile now and it's so annoying
Disable comments for losers not these family channels excuse you
Had a lovely day did I mention that I think I did
Me: i should rest
Also me: starts doing work and creative brainstorm at 3am

+==edit==+
05.27am

My great side which i'd love to feed into says I could afford to stay awake and go to work from there but my optimistic cena side says 2 hours is better than none but my humane side says I could litrally sleep for 3 hours comfortably but my realist side says hah I will sleep 10 mins before my alarm rings then end up cabbing to work
But my rational side says to go and sleep now
(also it's ok if I dont want to- go continue concert prep or watch pregnancy vlogs or beat my high score for subway surf {mandela effect cus ive always thought it was subway surfer})

+==edit==+
08.24am

Barely feels like a trooper
Blogging to wake myself up before I proceed to get ready
Pushing my limits so I might end up cabbing afterall why do I do this

To sum myself up (01.18am)

I think what I can say is that my physical being and my brain rarely gets tired simultaneously
Perhaps that explains my sleeping habits
Had a lovely day
But yes now my physical being is tired but my brain is like Why are we home at this timing the night is still young
I wished I had your energy, brain

+==edit==+
05.36am

Was gonna say maybe I should take panadol cause I still feel not my best but also it is already subuh and I think I just need more than 2 consecutive hours of sleep to recuperate
Staying at home today cause I cant even
Have a lovely Sunday

+==edit==+
23.13pm

Had a lovely day, impromptu visit to grammy's for a mama's day celebration
Even rode anga's new vespa for the first time I didnt even know he bought that lol but the seat is so comfortable???
Lowkey makes me want to get a motor license and steal his bike
Sadly working tomorrow morning but good news is I end early, and will be crashing rehearsal hehehehe
Mama just asked if we saw how cute she was in her old photos pssht
Ok bye I want to try and sleep

Am I a joke to myself (01.32am)

Why am I awake 3 hours before my alarm
I managed to crash for almost 2 hours though so better that than nothing

+==edit==+
07.00am

Ok im very widely awake because of intense shookness
Youtube recommended me Tati's video about James charles and bruh as much as I hate (can't be bothered more like) drama, especially beauty community drama, I am all about supporting the truth, or at least the person not in the wrong
It was like a 45 mins video and towards the end I just started refreshing his youtube channel and bruh the subs count drop INTENSELY every second like I think he must've almost lost half a million by now
And just please, your wrongdoings may sometimes still be hidden but the wheel of life will just come back at times you least expect it (on top of the world, probably)
First of all oh boy how strong is the online community?! But also, how easily swayed are they answer you're looking for is Very
How quickly your success can be taken from you when you lose sight and sense of your morals and integrity???
How brutal the online community, or anyone really, can be when you make a mistake (not that he made a 'mistake' but) thus showing us that people who gives you second chances or even give you the chance to explain yourself time and again, yes keep them close they are NOT a commodity dont take each other for granted bruhs
Ok im already lazy to entertain this
Probably refresh his page one more time before continue watching colleen hahaha positivity everywhere (plus Flynn is too cute)
Ok bye have a lovely day!!!

+==edit==+
09.31am

Oh no I still can't sleep but I want to my physical being is tired but do I trust that i'll wake up within 3 hours lol I hope so if not then they gonna have to deal with it not my fault my body doesnt work with your timetable psssht jk i'll try

+==edit==+
13.38pm

It is quite a surreal experience, that I only managed to sleep with bubzbeauty's vlog playing in the background that halfway through I didn't even realise it had started to rain
It woke me up for a bit but eh I went back to dreaming think I had like 3 dreams
Now i'm exhausted but I have to get ready
Less noon plans man I have to change my work schedules already

Always a good time (02.34am)

I always feel like eating sushi
Ok whatever
So I have (had) a game plan to do biphasic sleep tonight
We'll see if it works!!!!

+==edit==+
03.46am

Just. No

+==edit==+
05.32am

Had a 2 seconds pep talk for myself being like "Ok girl you seriously need to sleep" but I know I wont listen to myself but pls

+==edit==+
11.03am

I woke up suspicious of myself HAHA cause I fell asleep a bit before 7 so when I woke up im like now how many hours did you think was sufficient
Alas im awake now, woke up to family (hmx) drama
Ok not drama hahaha just.
Frogginess but what's new

+==edit==+
14.38pm

Wow
My first human interaction after almost a week
Feels unnecessary but ehhly nice at the same time

+==edit==+
22.43pm

Im like 1.5 of a bicycle, im not too tyred but also one tyred seems insufficient to describe my current state
Also rehearsals finally resume tomorrow :')
Weird though cause afternoon instead of evenings.
Usually we do it after buka but idk why these losers chose to do afternoon
K bye

Don't lie to yourself (00.01am)

It's not that you don't have time, you just don't want to make time
Now if you would just stop telling that to everyone else and yourself
Let's not hurt anyone and make way for people who deserves my attention more

+==edit==+
03.26am

Finally got around to replying all my tagged insta posts, comments and DMs from 21 weeks back HAHAHA
I am a regular customer as you can see
This sudden acceptance of social responsibility is cause I fell back in love with merrell twins after I took a break from being annoyed at them plugging their own channels at the start of every videos (still love them though)
Ok today will be the fifth consecutive day I stay at home I am ok with this

+==edit==+
05.19am

For once this year I don't have to force myself to finish a glass (ok who are we kidding 2 sips max) of water in 12 seconds but somehow dragging it out to finish a cup makes it worse hahaha
At least im hydrated for the day???
Coffee's where it's at though dont @ me

+==edit==+
08.23am

Was watching Colleen's inclusive videos such as the one with the blind Molly burke (she reminded us that blind is not a bad word), and the one with her deaf brother Trent, and somehow went back to her pregnancy reveal and delivery vlogs
Now i'm past my bedtime of 7.30am hahaha ok kidding but i'll probably nap soon im not feeling the best
Bismillah for Ramadhan day 4!

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09.18am

Felt like I slept for so long but it's probably like 20 minutes
Regardless one of the worst things you can do is disturb me right as I fall asleep you dk how long it takes to even get to that stage and being light sleeper makes it even better
So no thanks to a selfish phonecall I don't even remember answering (reflex hahaha whenever I hear my ringtone while im asleep i'll always pick it up at the first note), i'm back to square 1
K bye

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16.36pm

Hello why am I having a fever I literally did NOTHING the past 5 days excuse myself where did you come from
've been asked to work tomorrow finally which idk as much as I dread it at least i'm not stuck at home
No idea if I want to work much next week though
Story of my life everytime I give schedule im like Oh this is okay but everytime the day comes it's a Why did I do this to myself
Ok idk what to do with myself do I take a blast of cold shower or what I am not a person

ps trying to fall back asleep at 9.30am was torture idek how I ended up losing consciousness

Once a frog always a frog (03.07am)

Spent the last 15 mins trying not to laugh reading past Hmx messages
Sometimes I fail and sometimes I fail because of myself hahahahaha
They are insane I miss them
K I have been sleeping for an hour or less before waking up for sahur but I think my being is getting used to this (literal) existing schedule
The opposite block's neighbours' puppy sometimes makes noise (WOW IT HAS STOPPED FOR SO LONG AND RIGHT AFTER I TYPED THIS IT BARKED AGAIN are you livestreaming ME RIGHT NOW)
And it makes me wonder why cats are banned in HDBs because the excuses they give for the ban are things dogs do too so it's very invalid and catcist it's like banning taiwanese people from school because some of them write with their left hands (that was a great analogy) I am unhappy ok but whatever I hope the pup is happy healthy and loved

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04.33am

Ok think I won't be able to sleep before sahur because im on a HMX feels trip
Important to fall back in love because concert prep might make us hate each other
HAHAHA jk but really though a true family fights but at the end of the day we still love each other and want the best for and of each other
Same

00.45am

Me: i will sleep before midnight

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15.13pm

Think im getting used to resting, managed to have quite a restful sleep but still I woke up to no agenda
Tried to watch many many dance videos to find choreo inspiration for concert mass songs but was just not in the right mood so I stopped after a bit
Also im here to say I think I can set the world record for fastest Freecell player haahaha ok maybe I found my hidden talent but it's more of a skill than a talent seeing how much I play it (cause it's the only game in my phone hahaha)
I can finish a deck within 10 seconds consecutively- dont tell guinness I dont think i'll work as best under pressure but hi add one more to my list
K bye

+==edit==+
23.41pm

Being productive is overrated im gonna look back two weeks from now and wonder why I didnt appreciate this downtime more
Ok appreciation levelled up

06.35am

I can hear Chiqa, mama and elephant practicing for Chiqy's oral outside
Whereas here I am having failed to sleep and am now too tired to fall asleep but it's ok it only takes 2 more hours of tossing and turning before sleep consumes me (hahahah i laugh in despair i hope this is not true)
Ok here's to a lovely day ahead!
Taking the week off from work and I already feel happier

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20.55pm

Just reminder of the day; remember the good in people.

+==edit==+
21.34pm

K just a few notable scenes from POTO
:Think of me onstage quickchange- from the rehearsal to actual performance scene was ridiculous I love it
:Even more ridiculous was the backstage scene! They set it so that it feels like we were backstage with the cast so Christine was facing the "audience" at stage back- this was extremely convincing and great setting
:The mirror scene during Angel of music was splendid
:POTO song scene when they were downstairs and then upstairs in a second- magical
:Speaking of magical another instance would be the last scene (which ended so abruptly btw I didn't have time to feel things cause suddenly it was curtain call)
:The phantom's lair setting- with all the candles bruh, lovely
:The part they were going to trap Phantom and he sounded like he was everywhere but he physically appeared in Box 5 that was cool

The stage felt so deep and high at the same time it was amazing
The chandelier drop was so underwhelming HAHAHA it was slow mo but eh hashtag you tried
The music was stupendous, Phantom's voice was.... just yes
The primadonna's voice was also so beautiful, those high notes were surreal
Christine sounded heavier opera than usual, less light than expected but eh she hit the E6 so yes you go girl
Ok bye

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22.55pm

People have start their bazaar quest
When is it gonna be may

05.43am

I hope it's not me getting blasé or worse, too technical, but I am learning to critique instead of merely accepting what is given
Which I guess has two sides- my concert planning side needs this cause it helps us learn from other people's mistakes, but the audience in me wants to just appreciate it as it is
Either way most thoughts are discussed then passed, and what remains is the feelings and impact left on us
Needless to say my expectations were met in the sense where both were equally as impactful
One was a free production-
Ok I really want to blog about it in full feels but my eyes are heavy

ps macs gotta cut the low sugar ice cream bullcrap mannn hello think I cannot taste the difference is it

+==edit==+
19.17pm

Officially the start of ramadhan this year!
I feel a sense of... longing to be back in Al-islah back in Bondowoso
The fasting month experience there was something else and you feel so busy and productive both in religious and worldly affairs but they still make time for the post Zohor noon naps (which was important btdubs seeing how early their sahur/predawn meals are- 3am)
Regardless of where I am though insyaallah this year we'll do better than the last
Like I said before, it's surreal learning how to be excited for the holy month
It's just special and we're extremely blessed to be among the chosen ones allowed to go through this experience year in and out
Bismillah for this journey, insyallah we'll do well!
♡
If anyone is reading this please forgive any of my wrongdoings, if i've ever hurt you in any way intentionally or not, or if i've troubled you unnecessarily.
Here's to a fresh start and clean slate!
Thinking of all my friends whose ramadhan this year is different- loss of loved ones, first ramadhan as a married couple, a parent, or just any difference in life really.
Onwards humans!

Will it work (01.59am)

Watching 2 theatre productions today- one school scale and one worldwide scale but i'm so excited to say i'm expecting the same level of impact
One may have the best set in the world but what makes a theatre or any performances at all succeed is the hearts of the players.
Also with that I should rest tonight
Will need to recharge my brain and emotions power
Hahah ok im bulling
Don't expect my body to seek sleep so soon, at least not within the next 2-3 hours but I hope I am wrong this once ahaha
Ok here's to a fantabuloustic day ahead!

ps you dont need luck because we share the same sangria but break a leg my cena in theatre that means goodluck bring me more iced tea these cookies are out of this world

Note to self (04.27am)

Can you believe at like 11.16pm I was sleepy but a voice in my brain said "but it's not even midnight yet" and then I immediately was like "since when do I have to wait till midnight to sleep"
Hahahaha but hi here I am good morning
Good sleep schedule for fasting month cause no alarms needed
Not dreading work as much today, the colleagues really do play a part

+==edit==+
18.52pm

Entered work late but energetic who am I
Needless to say the energy didn't last long hahaha thankfully I got sent home 1.5 hours earlier (it makes a gargantuous difference ok)
Ideally i'd be off for troye's first concert in singapore in lieu of his first world tour and then check out the bazaar update
But irl im a stay at home frogcheese
K bye

+==edit==+
21.43pm

I thought I slept overnight but it was 2 hours

01.24am

Don't allow anyone especially yourself to take you for granted ok frogs
Also im working full shift today which I call bull cause if I had went to work yesterday, I wouldve crashed by afternoon later
But hey keeping the spirit up, saw a post that lifted my soul but alas blogger will not let me upload any photos let me see if I can transcribe

+==edit==+
07.25am

Woke up with Road dogg's theme song playing in my head hahaha so random
The post that lifted my spirit worked hello
Here's to a GREAT day ahead
I promise to choose happiness and peace

+==edit==+
22.51pm

Well today was lovely afterall, just little things that made me perk up despite how slow the clock was ticking the last few hours of work cause all of us were tired hahah
So tired I am ready for bed but havent removed my makeup and earrings this is not ok
I shall drag myself to do those before attempting to rest
Another 8 hours of work tomorrow before (I reckon im not even going to Troye's concert) resting and then Phantomonix!
Ok here's to another day of choosing positivity insyaallah!

06.27am

After what felt like so long since a hmx meetup, just got home this is crazy
To be fair we always spend the night picnicking talking about the club so like it's like an overtime shift
Working in 7 hours so do I rest or
I should right
Yeah I should
Ok

+==edit==+
14.14pm

Why do I not take my own considerations sometimes
Do what makes you happy at any point in time
Even sacrifices are done to attain happiness
Don't make your lives harder just because you want to feel something or even worse, please people around you
Humans are losers okay

+==edit==+
16.45pm

To take a step back and realised we're never really trapped
We can leave anytime we want
It's just how bad we want it,
Enough to risk it all?