12.58pm

Alohaaaa woke up at like 7.12am today which is the first time in a... few days (? a week?) that I woke up to a bright sky ermagerd still ridic though

Have a meeting AT SCHOOL later ahahais im usually ok with travelling but the fact that I have no class and still have to go to school is a bit nO thanks hahahah but since it's for the OE meeting it's okay
Really not looking forward to leaving the house though
To think that mama is planning to head to izzul's house to see the baby T.T
And I have a test on thurs boo (no link ah actually hahaha)

Anyway watching alfie's video makes me want sushi what even this is why I hate watching vlogs hahah jk but still rude much
I finally got cake yesterday ok!!
Hashtag happy
And I got exciting but nerve wrecking news from khali which idk how to feel how to react what to think
All emotions at once
Just sometimes why must people make changes harder than it already is cmon lets all be lighthearted humans I urge yall

Mmm what else must I say
Idk I just really simultaneously believe in having an identity and not defining yourself which is somehow contradictory but it's what I want
(Ceh suddenly diving deep)
Ok ah abort mission I dont want to talk about things because mama is cooking
(Again no link but if you look hard enough, the link is there)
Have a fantabulous day!

ps i think i'll change the blogpost titles to actually include a title because what even 

Boo rumble

This day I have one wish, to not let Undertaker vs Roman reigns at wrestlemania a thing pls
Disappointing rumble oh my kane OH YES WAS KANE IN IT
Ok firstly the part where goldberg came and eliminated lesnar was nice and then taker came out and slayed but then ROMAN REIGNS came and eliminated taker AND jericho walao
Luckily luckily luckily Orton won.
Like im not excited because orton didnt need it, but seeing the top 3 just now there's literally no other person who should've won.

In conclusion, waste of time la this rumble.
They put in big show for nothing, actually orton also really tk berfungsi, so Rahim man.
Thankful for the cena-styles epic match though!
Let me just reevaluate the whole thing and ahahais.

Just ONE last thing- I missed the day when entrants were not shoved in our faces wth keep the surprise element that's what makes the rumble one of the best PPVs ever

8.10am

How many days now, 4? 5?
I slept before midnight man and woke up at 6 hahahaha im happy sure but it feels weird still, im sure it's weird to people too like i'd wake up to missed calls at 11pm but i'd already be asleep lolz

Anyway!
Happy 30th birthday philip lester the cutest of them all!
Cant even put into words how precious he is.
Wont even say he's underrated because he is special and as per life, only some people can appreciate special.
So yes, i luhya cutiepie
Oh and I woke up to a new amazingphil video, which was offensive because of how extra cute he was
Ok I should stop calling him cute
He's (insert all the nice words here)

And royal rumble is probs ongoing now, as usual even when im not watching my heart will be uneasy until I find out who wins hahahaha
I will either be excited beyond belief or too disappointed to care (just that you know I hope reigns doesnt win)

Update: HE DOESNT hahahahaha ok now idek if i want cena to win tonight yet because im not ready for him to be world champion but also im ready do u feel me probs not 

Why isnt my holiday till wednesday hello
Still, have an amazing day ahead!
If youre feeling down, remember that somewhere in this world a nice man is celebrating his 30th birthday with his cute bffl and I hope theyre having a blastoise

9.22pm

Currently at izzul's house and as per my new (weirdly "normal") sleeping schedule, im already sleepy.
My lens are not helping....
K let me pour myself some coffee.
Izzul is sleeping after his milk and he's so cuteeeee I might include a pic of him right now.
And finally saw baby izzah!!!!
She's so much smaller than I thought (duh in photos look so big)
So cute aishhh
(Btw what is this jep at tv hahahah miss them man)

Ahh my batt 7% and im supposed to go bukit panjang soon.
To charge or not to charge hahahah forget it

Phil turns 30 in 3.5 hours time I cant even
Ok my eyes hurt
Goodnight ah (potentially) :')

5.44am

Heyyaaaa
Ive been sleeping early, waking up early, and getting 6-8 hours of sleep, which means im officially out of my down week! (though I have no idea how long this will be sustained)
That was fun while it lasted but I have so many things on my plate im excited to delve into them all
Actually slept before 9pm yesterday and woke up exactly at 4am
Naise
Really hope the sun shines through today!
Ended up not editing yesterday's post because I went home and played with chiqa and made her do her homework and yep didnt go out hahaha

No plans for today yet but tomorrow we'll be going to visit the baby!
Apparently her name is Izzah Hanifah im not sure but it makes sense since her abang is Izzul Hanif omG izzul is an abang what even
And I have a new picture of her ok

Anyway how is phil turning 30 in 2 days??? This is NOT a thing I repeat, nOT a thing.
Why do they grow so fast
T.T

Happy chinese new year and may you get all the ong you can
(um sori if inappropriate use I learnt that term from upin ipin)
(uncle ah tong im looking at u)

ps looking forward for rumble, no idea who will win but im preparing to be disappointed which is unlike me but I just dont have high hopes for wwe in these issues ok

pps cries

10.39am

I know i've said this already but beginning the day early makes me feel like I can conquer the world
I mean of course if it's not to go school or work la pls hahaha
Currently having breakfast with mama
Idk why I woke up so early but hey my body clock is recuperating
(Lol not really just ah u know what I mean)
I'll probs edit this post later in the day but for now, have an amazing one
Hopefully the weather stays clear

8.17am

Good morning!
Since I have no idea why im still not registered in today's morning class, i'll pass hahah
Muy bien lah actually, I still have next sem to clear the module.

Anyway people's persistence can be quite stifling bluek, but maybe it's also cause I cant (not really cant la I just dont) say no directly hahaha not sorry
Feel like eating brunch outside before going to school so let's see about that.
Now should I go back to sleep or commence my day officially?
Ahhh

I just want two things as of now; cookies or cake AND TO SEE BABY AND IZZUL
Is that like 4 things hahahaha but still 2 things

ps didnt think i'd ever hear my first husband's name in a phan video but i was pleasantly surprised

pps by pleasantly surprised i mean i was absolutely shaken and idek

11.30pm

Currently waiting for bus home, wow I almost forgot I hadn't blogged!
Ok wait my bus is here let me just board it first.....
Alright dang it's cold hhaha nice
Today was a generally good day alhamdulillah.
Woke up to danyul's livestream heheh so weird to think that dude is there ready to sleep and I barely just begun my day!
Transport wise, all the buses were so prompt though the app wasnt working at all.
Lessons went smoothly, lunch was good, and I slept enough so for the first time in a long time I wasnt completely on autopilot ah hahaha.
Spent the whole day in a hoodie and I think my fever went down!
Just the sore throat and coughs which will cure in time insyaallah.

Had harmonix after school which is always nice~
Another busy day ahead tomorrow and my craving for cake is still ongoing cant.find.cake
It's one of those things where when you dont think about it it's always there but once you desire it all traces of it disappears hahaha.
Ok I have a few things on my agenda but looking forward for the CNY break because despite the past few days, I need just a little bit more break.

So yes im feeling sleepyish currently hopefully it sustains till I actually hit the pillow

Anyway a lot of people were so nice today, and I wore blue lipstick out so it's a day of doing weird things and people accepting and appreciating each other regardless.
Muehehe goodnight!

ps received good news from eatgo!!! so happy for her

8.15am

It's rainy
Ended up not going to the hospital yesterday because I fell asleep zz (seriously not normal because i'd usually do anything to attend family gatherings but I just couldnt... move if you get me) (even wanted to grab over after maghrib but still the immovableness was real)
Actually find it weird that im still not better I mean normally by the next day im all good, but I think it's been a week now
Is it because I havent taken any meds hahahahaha nevermind what even
Woke up a bit before 10pm last night and mama cooked so it was my only meal of the day- amazing though, duh.

Really want to go out and buy cookies (???)
Lol random necessities
Hopefully the rain stops I mean I could still go out but... honestly no excuses la I really could
See first la huh
Thought of popping into the hospital to see the baby but mama was like "if you want to go to clinic i'll meet you there after work"
But i'd rather hibernate and recuperate than go to the docs for now

Anyway just a little section here to say that it's hard to believe and accept sometimes but there are friends who do not truly care, they're in it for the fun, for the nice times but when it comes to the hard they will never be seen.

And it's not right to say "oh it's ok" because man why waste time with these people?
It is, unfortunately, undeniably normal.
Which is not cool, but we shall learn, and we shall strive to be the bigger person always.
No regrets bruh be kinder than necessary bruh all is good man

//edit//

12.11pm

Wow waking up early and being productive sure feels great because why, i've completed most of my to do list and it's barely lunchtime!

Completed 75% (jk I hate math I dont calculate) of an online module and edited a vlog, still need to source for music though simultaneously the easiest and hardest process in video editing.

This means I really can go out and buy cookies!

1.26pm (Isn't she lovely)

Just a bummering (haha) thought that I probably shouldnt and wouldnt hold the baby today since im still poorly in health and I would want the baby to be safe from nonsense but I would want to see her again the MINUTE I recover
I still dont know her name but I SAW A PHOTO OF HER!
And guess what, I was like "Gosh she looks SO familiar too familiar but I cant recall who" until I realised that..... she looks like Chiqa!!!
So cute and now im waiting for mama to finish work and we can all go visit them ehehehe (want to see izzul too of course that cutie who couldnt stop babbling while eating yesterday)

I really want to post a photo of her here hmm maybe I could since noone I know reads this blog (except 1 person probably ehehe hai nishzy if ur eyes are here dont overwork urself)
I mean my only concern is that her parents havent posted her photo anywhere so i'd be the first to but yep following that logic that noone will know anyways, therefore technically this post doesnt really exist.
HERE'S THE BABY!
Will update this post once I get the name

ps idky i feel like im being a drama queen when people wish me well like hello why so nice thank u but thank u i know this makes no sense but it does to me

7.50am

Really, really contemplating missing class today and the heavy rain is just motivating my decision!
You know what, if by 8.30 it's still raining this much then byebye class
Anyway the lesson is about something we've already learnt last sem ahais
And why is it that the days when I actually need to miss class duetohealthandinterestingissuescoughs, it's days for the lesson where the prof  takes attendance
(Rereads above sentence)
(What kind of sentence structure is that)
(Meh)

Had a pretty refreshing Sunday yesterday despite forgetting to sleep lolz
Went for the ASB workshop with elephant and eatgo, pretty fun although it has truly been so long since I last properly danced (5 years ago???) so most moves felt awkward hahaha
Needless to say the vibes here are so much more welcoming and my type- really positive in an unforced, sincere manner.
You know you can jive with the place when you actually stay to hang out in the room afterwards doing nothing hahahahaha cant say the same for the past few dance experiences including NDP, once the ending briefing begins im already halfway out the door (at least mentally hahaha)
Sat down to drink for a while before heading to izzul's house
HE CAN REALLY WALK NOW!
But the first year of a life is always the weirdest- see i've been seeing him almost every week of his life since he was a few months old, and so he'd recognize me and everytime I come over he flails in excitement which was so cute hahaha
Then of course tutoring ended last october and I stopped going over (so literally JUST 2 MONTHS) and he's already doubting his memory of me la
Hahahahah Idk if he action, just pretending or legitimately cant recall
Interesting
Kids psychologist pls explain

Followed them to collect iryan's edusave awards and saw cik ogy, cik zahar and firdaus there!
This one another matter, we have known them since before firdaus existed and we were there when he was born, up to his toddler years before we unfortunately lost touch and now he's like 10 YEARS OLD????
Talking about age I just realised the age difference between me and izzul is 20 man this is too much why am I growing too fast stop la

Followed them to geylang afterwards to buy some necessities for the upcoming baby (upcoming meaning in a few hours time, probably even in AN hour idek but there's another reason why I dont mind skipping class hahahaah)
Yes Izzul will be getting his younger sister today!!!
Insyaallah everything goes smoothly for mummy and baby
Went for dinner afterwards and I was finally feeling the burn of my unsleepity

Man, the rain seems to be reducing in weight hahaha (what?) I mean not as heavy but still significantly pouring
How, go school or not
Anyway I have a meeting at school at like 6pm when my class ends at 12.30pm
I thought I could spend the 5 hours in between travelling to the hospital to see the baby I mean that could work too.
And there's no Monday class next week due to CNY and there's a test the following week so I could just go to class- you know what since when did I ever care about my attendance hahahaha come what may I do what I want
I guess this is what i'd call passion for what im learning, will literally go out of my way to consider options.
If you asked me in MI, i'd have freaking created opportunities to miss school hahaha

Urm didnt expect this post to be this long hahaha
(Ok eatgo just messaged hahaha she has got to be one of the most reliable human in my life man)
I shall stop
Have a good day, pretty stoked for the new addition to the family arriving today!

ps after seemingly being decisive in not going to class, im beginning to want to go to class what is this internal debate going on

//edit//

9.50am

Im not in class and.... THE BABY IS BORN!!!!! Cant wait to go see her and cik ros later yay

2.04am

I guess comfort is a weird thing- we want to stay in it yet we ask ourselves to break away.
Comfort halts potential, but it is also risky.
This is why math is useless, we cant even calculate the regrets and put it on a balance beam weighed against the outcome which none of us know yet.
All I know is I have been debating internally and man have I not come any closer to a conclusion.

How can you look at someone who has "been there" and decide that they hadn't done enough?
Or at least enough to make you feel respected.
Would it be your fault that they aren't sufficient?
Are they not trying hard enough or are you simply ungrateful?
Whatever, let's save this talk for later.

Had a pretty amazing evening despite the crazy downpour (which thankfully stopped while we were eating!)
Went sataying for dinner before going onto the barrage to test out the new cameras and drones.
Family time is always good time muehehe.
I think I feel better already Alhamdulillah!
I think je, I should be asleep and resting but I think I slept too much the past 2 days so no chance

Meeting eatgo in 7 hours time for the ASB trial.
I left dancing in 2007, no idea how it happened or why it happened.
All I know is i've always wanted to go back and now I have a chance.
Hopefully all will go smoothly, Insyaallah!

Have a blissful Sunday ahead

ps danpreciation post

//edit//

7.16am

Oh snap I forgot to sleep

6.09am

Woke up to a new phan video and they always make me happy haha
And mama made banana oatmeal which was really nice

//edit//
1.57pm
Finally got out of bed after a full day of hibernation not even joking didnt even leave for food or drinks (isnt it weird how food is plural while drink is not have I just realised this or is it too insignificant to notice)
Heading out to Marina barage in a while to probably test out Anga's new drone and camera which im excited about
Hopefully the weather remains chill and not try anything else hahah
My head still feels heavy but whatevs mate im watching elimination chamber and am glad it's coming back

Omg chiqa just asked elephant how many percent is her battery and she said 72
MINE IS 72 TOO
Hahaah k what

ps phil's smile makes me smile (is it cause sincere)
(idk but I love it)

8.19pm

Kinda slept the whole day today with the thickest hoodie I own
But idk if im feeling better or if it's just an illusion
Hahahahah anyway yesterday went pretty smoothly alhamdulillah!
I went to ancient class though I wasnt registered and it was fun- I have a thing for Socrates and his sassiness pls make a chick flick based on him I would want to be the scriptwriter and director
Had a 2 hour break before philosophy of science so I hung out with Ash- ok here lies what probs was one of the best parts of the day
Lepaked at her room for lunch while watching cartoons and a short japanese horror film!
Eventually science class started and I actually stayed an hour in class after that with Ash and Anthony to give moral support to prof teru while he was trying to explain to a human about how an argument makes sense (he looked so tired but was so patient in explaining bless ye)

Headed for MS meeting which was enjoyable!
But again, by the time the important talk began I couldnt even...
Reached home feeling better than when I left home though which was good, and I think I managed to fall asleep before 2 which was still late considering how zombieish I felt internally

Anyway at new year's eve I decided to go on a one week cleanse of instagram- at least my account.
The first few days were hard man, afterall it has been a habit for what, 5 years?
Didnt know if I could survive a week.
But now I have made it for 3 weeks!
Now whenever I log into my main account I feel weird and spammed and all I want is to go back to the peaceful place which is my other account.
So like I will literally just check the account for notifs or to post a photo, maybe scroll for a minute and then immediately log out.
Zen

No idea if I have anything on tomorrow but I have tons of reading to do but I want to go out and take in the sun
Meeting eatgo on sunday and I hope to feel 100 by then, Insyaallah.
Takecare!

ps really missing izzul irfan iryan ilham iqim aqil mairah!

8.12am

Currently waiting for the bus
Honestly couldnt wake up this morning- I mean I woke up pretty early but no atoms in my being were willing to move so I still ended up leaving home late hahaha...
Anyway I didnt realise my blush brush had highlighter on it, (and quite a significantly large amount at it) and now I look like I put in effort when really it was accidental.
I thought I was recovering after yesterday but turns out not really hahaha
Oh I got to sleep 5 hours undisturbed which was seriously much needed like if I didnt... idk what ah actually hahahah
I have another long day today and im definitely preparing myself to try and not skip the meeting but if I cant even, (right now my vision is so blurry-no haze right?) then I might skip
But then again knowing me i'd still somehow convince myself to stay hahaha anyway I have no classes tomorrow so I have 3 days to recuperate (not really busy weekends alert) but still
Ok my eyes really cmi I need a break.
And traffic is slow aiseh
May he easen our journey today, have an amazing day ahead and please rest well

2.49am

Bluek I cant sleep
Looking through old videos and can I just say 2014 was just such a nice year generally?
Like in life, on youtube, in the music industry, just really generally
I dont get generalisations based on years but looking back, a lot of good things and content were put out on that year.

I think I have a long day at school ahead, hahaha think eh.
I have to check again but I think I have a morning class followed by a 150 minutes break, (lunching with my polly pocket and wardah!) metaethics and then harmonix?
Whatever it is, may I rock the day.
Oh entering the morning class with no knowledge if i'm gonna know anyone there- the reason I survived last sem's criwri was because of my tablemates; cherms, zae, wardah, ash, alwani, fiona- so I have no expectations for this class.

On Monday's class I came 10 mins late and the only seats left were either with a group of exchange students or at the table nearest to the prof so obviously I went with the exchange students.
Im sure it's just an issue of statistics but when we were discussing I found out how dramatic their lives were compared to ours (the people I know).
The fact that all 4 of them had crazy stories to tell is like wow is this real life.

And idk what it is but when im talking to my Singaporean or even Malaysian or Indonesian or Bruneian friends in English I will somehow speak properly like pronunciation and grammar en pointe y flawless but when im talking to actual english speaking humans, I tend to go full singlish???
I think im just trying to avoid accidentally following their slang you know in case they find it offensive or mocking even though that's the last thing I intend to do :')
It's the same when i'm speaking to Indonesians!
Like I will literally speak Bahasa Indon to my friends (malay chinese indian who cares I speak indon to everyone) but when I meet an ACTUAL Indonesian I just speak proper Malay (or like pretend to awkwardly try to speak Indon and be bad at it even though I dont think I am)
Even while I was homestaying in Jakarta I spoke to my host family mainly in English and Malay which was zzzzz what even are you doing, it's so weird aneh banget sih (QUOTE FROM UPIK ABU DAN LAURA EPISODE 1 BECAUSE I ALWAYS REWATCH EPISODE 1)

Note to self: if you can adapt then do IT

Ok, have a fantabulous day ahead!
Takecare of yourselves and the people around you.

23.01pm (Audition 1)

Actually have 2 posts on draft, I guess I just have a lot of things to talk about today?
Hahahaha but since I mentioned a storytime, and today will probably be the only apt day (the next one will be in May and i'll probably be overseas) for this post, im doing it!

Initially I wanted no mention of this AT ALL, I wanted this to be a passing moment in my life.
But then I realised, why am I blogging about the most miniscule events when I have been attempting big things too?
Aint that weird yes it is but somehow I like it this way.
A major reason that im blogging this is because I want to be reminded of the constant support people have been giving me, which is so weird because i'd have never expected it.
Here goes the three weeks of being filled with feels-
My Anugerah 2017 experience.

Yep I did it, made it to top 51 and majorly flopped my third audition (not surprised actually it was nerve wrecking)
The last time I sang in front of an audience was..... like sec school?!
2011 if you may.
So that was 5 years on, I forgot how to focus and enjoy, I forgot how to stay chill apparently.

So it began with the express pass video audition which I wanted to post for fun- having really mixed feelings because I didnt know what their expectations was.
My thoughts were constantly oscillating between "I mean... it's just the pre audition audition so maybe I got chance" and "No way am I gonna get in??? Confirm a thousand people will join too" and indeed, a thousand people sent in their videos.
Me and elephant were at grandma's place and we just on impulse began recording, aka changing songs like 5 times, accidentally starting on a key too high, being interrupted by chiqa and papa, and finally we got tired, ready to submit a video.
However, the next morning we went to the salon till afternoon and realised we could still try to record some more!
So that we did.
And finally, finally, we uploaded them and emailed Suria.
(On private of course)
I tried to avoid rewatching it because I know I will cringe so bad but I did try to see if it was decent for another person besides me to view and the answer is... I dont know who cares.

After a week of daily refreshing my email inbox and not getting any news, I began the journey of self assurance like "Man it's ok you tried"
And one day I got an email from them
(I feel like this post deserves photo backings but mobile dont allow for me to arrange photos in order- err maybe I should switch to laptop..... hmm....... but I still need this post to be up before midnight to keep up my daily blogging streak...
Ok i'll just edit this post later)
I got an email saying they needed more time to evaluate so the results will be delayed.
The next night I was karaokeing with the family and had a passing thought, namely thinking how "Man I sounded bad in the video (this is why I show NOONE my audition video hahahahaha sori guys) but maybe if they heard me now i'd probably have better chances ha ha maybe not."
And true enough, right as we walked out from grandlink to hang around while the bois were smoking, I refreshed the email and I got it!
I casually laughed and told my family, "Yup im going into Anugerah" and they all gave me confused faces- I hadnt told them I submitted a video :')
Not on purpose though it's just insignificant I guess.
Only elephant knew obviously so I told her to check her email but alas, no emails pfft.
At that point I was telling myself "Ok good now no need to go audition im lazy"
But my family was like "Crazy ah just go for it man" so im like "Fine i'll see my mood on that day" (this also means I only chose my song after registration because they needed me to write down the song title in the form lol)

Saturday, 3rd december rolled along and I had 3 things on- a bahas meeting in the morning, audition at 3pm (thank u express pass, if not i'd have to queue longer I think idk) and finally a camp at school.
So I sacrificed the camp to fit in the other two, thankfully MS were understanding and said I could come anytime I could.
I dont want to talk about the pre audition cause im pretty sure I vlogged so I dont mind not having it in words haha.
I made new friends and I dont know how I felt on stage- probably my nervousness was gone due to the long wait but hey, after all is done, the judge (I think it was Jatt ali!) simply said, "See you next week" im there like ok thanks!
I didnt want anyone to know but of course mama posted it on her FB which meant people began asking me how it went whenever we meet irl ahahais.

Ok this post will be super long so I think I should drop it as a trilogy instead- Audition 1, 2 and 3 hahahaha
So for now since it's 11pm and im not feeling good at all and i have chores to do and (OH CRAP I FORGOT) I have morning class tomorrow, I shall leave it here.

Reflections for now-
1) It was an honour being judged by industry experts, honestly. Probably the coolest thing of all.
2) IT.IS.SO.HARD.TO.CHOOSE.A.SONG?????
3) I met people who could not learn to be happy for others, and that was a community I was truly glad to leave. Nobody got time for negative frogs!

4.43am

Apparently I unlocked a bonus level of challenge in my life: staying asleep
But that's a problem for another day
2nd week of school which means lessons truly begin, i'm looking forward kinda

I had a nice sunday out with the family yesterday!
Went to our old neighbourhood (cue nostalgia at every corner) for a wedding and then relived old tradition of TTing with the usuals, man it has been a while.
Afterwards had an impromptu run to east coast for macs and taiti before heading homeee
I think I tried to force myself to sleep at 11pm and then after what felt like hours and me feeling "ok at least it's 1am I got a good amount of rest"......... I checked the time and only 24 minutes had passed :')
Ended up falling asleep at 1.50am and now im awake again although my alarm is set for an hour later

Btw in case me in the future reading this misreads these posts as me complaining please know that I really dont mind my sleeping schedule like i've said a thousand times
I like being an all-day person!
It's just a way for me to track myself in the most long winded way possible la ok hahahah

Anyway one of my friends from kids' camp thought I got married cause mama tagged me in a photo of them with the bride and groom (im not in it pshtt) and he couldnt "see" me in the photo so he assumed
Hahahahaha what even

Ok la I really want to try and fulfill another hour of nap but I bet i'll end up on youtube after realising that it's impossible to fall back asleep
Hashtag self awareness
Hahahaha k adios have a splendid week ahead!

ps ayy 3 weeks into daily blogging, not bad at all

pps tomorrow's post might be a storytelling session about the time I struck off an agenda from my life's to-do list

ppps im actually sick??? how why when what (looks around pretending to look for answers)

pppps i learnt something new about myself- the past few times I actually got sickish, it's almost always only literally (hahahahahah this is an amusing line to say) hours before my period starts- is this scientific? hope so. 

5.22am

No idea why I keep waking up every 2 hours hahaha is it because my system is "not used" to being asleep at this timing if yes PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER MATE WORK THIS OUT
Anyway, I love it when I naturally awaken (meaning: not forced to, not by alarm) in the wee hours of the morning (ok la at least 4am onwards) because it means a headstart to the day and I feel like I can do sooo many things if I wanted to.
Go far away for breakfast?
Sure thang first bus cmon
......jog around the neighbourhood?
Hahahaha yep you did that like once u can do it again if ure crazy

Need to get on top of the readings before classes begin
Idk if it's just the people around me but this sem, academic-wise, has not been too positive.
Like I walk into class with no expectations except to learn as well as I can, and literally not fearing if I "can do it" because what even, we're all there to learn together.
But people have been like "Oh mann you sure you wanna take this mod it's hard"
(Acquaintance, stop talking)
Like muchas gracias for the heads up, it's thoughtful of you to warn me but until when do you expect other humans to stop doing something just because it's hard?
If you know me you know im probably the least... what's that word... ah persistent human out there.
Make my life easy you know, you want you go, you dont want you avoid.
(Not that easy in practical but you get the drift)
But this time round I cant even care im here to learn and that's what im gonna do
Being afraid of failure is something I have never felt, but I truly sympathize and totally understand if another person is- just dont drag others' morale and mood down with your paranoia?
I mean sometimes reminder is good, you know when a friend is like "oh no im worried i'll fail this totally important exam that determines my future"
And you're there like self reflecting "hmm true but do I really care will it really matter in the long run" and you realise "no but it's not wrong to take caution for a bit and handle things on your own as much as you can"

Ok stop stop stop why am I on a rampage about this the sun is not even out yet
No link but hahaha excuse for myself to stop typing so much my hand hurts
Have a great sunday ahead hahahah

//edit//
7.49am
Was so ready to sleep but instinct told me to check my youtube subscription box and wallah A WILD DANISNOTONFIYAH uploaded!
Now im in tears of pure laughter and relatability and sadness
Needless to say phan's first video of the year added value to my life
Here's to more!

6.16am

Had a good evening yesterday!
Headed out to wave mall to literally laze around after sunset
Cool thing was that the cab uncle hailed from the same kampung as mama! (Literally 5 blocks away what even)
So we heard great stories of their childhood (including mama asking if he remembers one of the girl whose hair made her look like a lion and he said he probably knew her hahahaha)
Moral of the story?
Dont have nice hair, you wont be remembered if you do

Another thing that happened was the guy at the swimming counter looked at me and elephant and asked "Are you both above ten (years old)?" and it made me doubt myself so I said "yes?" in the least confident way possible hahaha
I wished I was not above ten years old
At least I can play with chiqa more D:
She's such a fun lil kiddo

We then met cena for a lepak sesh before realising it was 1am and the place was totally empty
So we left
Hahaha
Actually there was a noisy karaoke place or bar or something so we weren't really abandoned but the place we were at was just obscure

Anyway I think my brain finds it hard to comprehend that school has begun it is unwilling to do anything school related like bruh you have had your rest, time to work!!!
Ok la I promise to try and sleep better so you can work better
(Looks at time)
(Sighs)
Next time ok
Next time

No idea if we're going out today (I think there's a wedding to attend but idk)
I dont feel sleepy yet so i'd probs just stay awake
Have a splendid day!

6.42am

Ayyy for once im actually blogging after I wake up and not before I sleep hahahaha
Anyway woke up to an Amazing phil video and im always happy when there's a phil video
Im supposed to have a morning class today but I feel like I want to drop the class just because I dont want to go to school on Fridays (bluek who does)

Yesterday was a tiring day anyways I think I was running on autopilot the whole time (probably unnoticable to others but I felt like a zombie)
I think I fell asleep between 6-8am the previous day (really not sure and really dont want to know hahahahah at least I got to sleep for more than 4 hours for the first time this month last night!)
Went out to mini surprise Asyraf for his birthday!
Met shabs at their school and hello NUS your staircases game has GOT to chill I feel like that should probably be the last time I go there (or at least to the arts faculty bluek)
After a real short cake eating sesh (he had a class to attend boo) I went on with Shabs for brunch and then reached half and hour late for class
Worth it though hahaha

Since it was the first class it ended really early like at 4?
So I had 2 and a half hours to waste before MS meeting began
I sat in the sem room in the dark trying not to imagine the confucius exam scenario happening irl
We played this during orientation- an escape room station where the room was pitch black except for dim glowsticks on some seats and a spotlight on the prof's table, with creepy chinese chants playing on the speaker.
The 7 of us were seated pretty far apart from each other and some seats had "answer sheets" so we had to cheat by sharing answers without getting caught.
We crawled and rolled around while "confucius" randomly walks around at random moments

Had MS meeting afterwards which although I told you I felt like a zombie thus was dreading having to stay in school till 9.30pm, I reminded myself what it was for and pOoOf excitement returned!
Watched some horrible short horror movies (I cant with cringey acting and bad directing but it was fun being movie critiques with the rest)
Learnt everyone's name finally and got overviews of our roles, which was exciting

Reached home at midnight and (at least tried to) went straight to bed after supper.
Took me a while but eventually yes I did it
Why am I up so early idk but whatever
Will probs fall asleep again idk let's see
Hahahah have an amazing(phil) -actually dont he's a living hazard according to his new video :')
Have an incredible day!

3.16am

Class was... interesting?
I dont know if it was the lack of sleep (hahahahaha I fell asleep at 9am and woke up every 45 mins after that before finally getting ready at 1pm) or if it was just the topic but I couldnt pay attention
Now im in more of a dilemma if I should delay metaethics and take it next sem and join my fellow classmates for logic class or if I should just go through with it and clear logic next sem...
On one hand I want to get rid of the loser mathematical logic ASAP so I dont have to entertain it anymore but on the other hand being in metaethics class makes me feel... something.
Thing is i'd have to clear logic eventually whereas for metaethics I can probably (im not even sure) take it another time.
But still ugHhhh
It's just a matter of timing now
Wardah said the logic class requires us to purchase a software like what even???
Math u forever troublesome go away la

Ironically im actually really (is this an overstatement idk) interested in philosophy of math- just because I want to know WHY and WHO decided numbers were a thing in the first place
And I dont think we'd actually do math which is perfect

Anyway congratulations to elephant and yana and siti and hizah for completing them O levels!
And ain for acing the Ns!
Especially elephant and siti (and the rest of their gang) for taking the risk after N levels to jump into O levels (obviously not the easiest thing in the world) but yall tried and that's what matters!
(Anyway sec school life is the best and yall got to stay a while longer so yall still won)
Like I always say, O levels is so insignificant like literally ok look at the results, celebrate or sigh all you want, throw that shiz away and move on
Now to go forward from here
I hope you guys will never be afraid to follow your dreams- or what's worse than being afraid is being pressured by others- by circumstances, expectations or by sociatal norms.
Trust your guts, bravely keep moving even if they're baby steps (or leaps of faith whichever works for you) or even if it means moving backwards, and never allow yourself to sell short.
Im proud of you guys

Oh my O levels was bleargh, I remember looking at the results slip only caring about how I got a C6 for my literature???
I didnt even care that I passed math despite consistently failing- lol who cares about math noone does
But even at that time I knew that these alphabets on this paper doesnt matter, at least not in the long run.
And it really didnt!
Didnt even take long, less than a week after that, the whole concept of O levels just dissipated into nothingness.
I went onto MI and lo and behold, I got redemption by getting an A for my lit
Man life works so weird, that's probably the best and worst part.

Another afternoon class today but I have a last minute secret project to accomplish beforehand (hahahaha idek if it's secret)
I need to sleep oh no I have an early day and then a meeting till 9.30pm at school *cries in thai*
I have about 4 hours to sleep so... i'll try hahahahahahahahhaahhaahahaha
Hahahhahhaha
Hahaha
Goodnight sweetdreams of rainbow lattes and frappes

6.03am

What?
Mm I actually planned to sleep an hour ago but a certain someone decided to hangout for an hour via a livestream so okay as a good friend I had to entertain the giant meme

Im thankful for afternoon classes because it makes me care less about my sleep schedule hahahah
Not that I am an afternoon person but it's just a perfect timing of the day where yknow you either just awakened and is refreshed or ready for bed and either way no worries about tiredness.

I actually plan to go breakfast at grammy's stall later!
Hopefully I can drag elephant along before she goes to school for the O levels results.
Oh mah gash best of luck mi hermanas for the results like seriously, O levels is so insignificant but it is the biggest thing in your lives right now so it's probs okay to dwell over it just a little bit.

First class of Metaethics today!
As usual, no idea what to expect but guess what...... ok la I already mentioned this but it's Andrew's class!
Which means; weird quotes, weird gestures and just all around weirdness.
But eh, how is it that I just (literally 2 seconds ago) realised that it's actually NOT a morning class?!?
Like I remember my classmates being so dreary and some even sleeping cause cmon, noone signed up (actually, we technically did) for existential crises every monday morning for almost 13 straight weeks.
We'll see if it's any different now.
And oh my gosh you know how I dont care about grades and all (which I totally wont care about if I hadnt found out that...)
EXCHANGES DEPENDS ON GRADES.
Are you even kidding me???
Ok la no worries I just have to actually do my assignments and maybe, just maybe... coughs really dramatically my final essays
Ughhh way to kill my free soul vibes but ok la actually believe it or not I did pretty decent last sem.
Not worthy of a congratulatory pat on the back (because I know myself enough to know that them results are so lame) but enough to treat myself to icecream

I should probs take a nap for like 2, 3 hours?
And then head for breakfast, or brunch idk yet

Happy birthday to my Siti nurhaliza! Please continue being who you are ♡ I luhya 

Anyway dan and phil is living such a dangerous life do they need a babysitter im not qualified

You ready?

1.06am

Wow.
I think I slept like half of the day
Which is a good sign I guess, this means im recuperating and soon i'll be falling asleep (hopefully) consistently before midnight and poof body clock settled!

Had a good first day of school back, walked into a class not expecting anything but made a new friend muehehe
When the prof was explaining the syllabus I was like "Ok, I forgot how intriguing asking questions are" because in this class called Minds and machine, we learn about the mind (duh) and... machines?
Hahahah like artificial intelligence.
A lot (actually all) of the things in the syllabus looks familiar because of intro to philosophy but idk if it's gonna be any similar.

I have tomorrow off before classes resume!
(Actually have readings for Andrew's class hahaha of course we do)
So takecare and have a good night's sleep
Sweetdreams of french horns

1.54am

First of all, why in the bee's nest am I not asleep!
I have a class in 7 hours
Hopefully it's a smooth journey ahead!
It's a class on Minds and machines- no idea what to expect
(gurl ever heard of course description)
(uh yeah like i care)
(ofcourse u care???)
(not yet)
All I know is anything philosophy will probably be interesting mueheh.

Actually had a great day today celebrating papa's birthday!
Went for a salad buffet and then bowled
I feel like my battery level is the same as my phone's currently- 65%
Idk what to do about it hahahah it's ok we'll see what happens
Have an amazing week ahead!

//edit//

3.07am 

How did I forget to mention that I FINALLY found a dvd I have been looking for for YEARS Like idk why I felt extra hopeful so I lingered a lil longer at the cash converter's cd section even though there was an uncle browsing right infront of the shelf I felt like this is it today will be the day and POOF IT APPEARED IN FRONT OF MY EYES! To think that literally 2 seconds before that I was ready to take a step to leave but I decided to try and look left and yEp there it is in all its glory

A lesson on trusting your guts and not giving up 

4.33am

I just went to fb (by just I mean an hour ago) and I saw someone post something really nice about me and I just..... aw mann
And the commenters were super nice too T.T
Bless kind souls please please pleasee

Im not supposed to be awake im supposed to be resting because I have a whole day ahead of me!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA DIO!
It's so very weird to say that you're 50, after all these years only saying 40 plus, 40 plus, and now you're celebrating your golden jubilee!
People say life doesnt start till you're 40 so technically you're 10 years old muehehe.
I pray for you health, wealth and longevity, and may you continue being happy with your loved ones.
I pray you achieve all you dream of and is always at peace.
Thank you for everything, EVERYTHING you have done for me and the family, we can never ever ever imagine a better papa than you (duhh)
Please tell us more stories about your childhood because both yours and mama's childhood are sO MUCH WILDER and tougher than ours (shows how much we're actually pampered and sheltered lol truly blessed)
I hope to make you proud always, but I know youre already proud of everything we do, but you know you deserve the world and more!
I love you so much!
You're the best (and dont try to be batista please xD)

Dont worry I'll defo personally text that la ok hahahah just cant do it now because reasons ;)
Ok im gonna continue my undertale binge and hope I either dont fall asleep at all, or dont fall asleep after 8 (never thought i'd ever ever watch gaming videos on youtube phan you have destroyed me... losers)

4.47am

Man honestly I always get a mini "omg" moment when I realise it's past midnight because "did i post today"
But then I realise I always blog in the morning anyways (like right now- 4.49am) hahaha
Got back from Sentosa like at 2 plus, it was sooo nice there like it was empty and windy and we could make noise and roll around
We actually had to walk to RWS to get a grabcar and you know to walk from beach station to imbiah you'd have to pass by the dragons trail and the merlion and I kid you not it was PITCH BLACK dark (especially the route from the merlion cafe to imbiah station)
Thankfully there was a group of people ahead of us (they were a lot faster though so we still passed by this place alone) and of course flashlight from the phone hahaha
Managed to hitch a ride home and we continued playing taiti and yep just got done!
Have to wake up in 5 hours for a wedding so i'll try.... try try try to sleep
Buenas noches!

ps i miss them already, upload soon please T.T

1.47am

I rarely rant in public, because I seriously dislike "defaming" people but sometimes it's just regarding general feelings I think a lot of people experience too.
Thus I will try to blog about these things in the most vague way possible so that noone can guess (or be sure of) what exactly im on about muehehe.

For now all im saying is I definitely do not need or want acknowledgement, neither do I get worked up about the way certain people treat me and my gang green gang.
(noone shall know who these people are, not even them hahaha)
(ceh mysterious)
It's just so weird to see how they can simultaneously treat others so well (hashtag extra) and treat us so... mehly, despite circumstances.
Comfort can be dangerous sometimes, but as a non-worrier I cant even care about these negligible stuff.
Just know that we're honestly all tethering between being on the edge of stepping out and staying in a while longer just because we enjoy all we're doing!

(I cant tell if above post is obvious or it's just because I know what im talking about?)

Btw im considering rejoining malay dance outside since im a bit more "free" in my timetable now, let's see how it goes!

I NEED TO SLEEP I want to go out later
Edrie's latest video made me want ikea food
I think i'll ask elephant to accompany me, we'll see if she deserves to go out with me hahahahaha jk

ps ayy 6 days into daily blogging, not bad at all

4.20am

Oh man I thought i'd missed yesterday's post but apparently I didn't!
I spent (what felt like) 24 hours to edit the best friend quiz which is now up on my youtube channel
I suppose most of the time went to experimenting on the new software and im pretty sure the next video wont take half as long
Editing is always fun though

Looking forward to collabing (cehh) with my two youtube friends Edrie boomz and Shahirah just because they have been posting actually public videos (mine are all private- for my eyes only- and of course anyone else who asks nicely or has access to my channel... aka noone)

As school begins next week and we're no longer fresh freshies, things are getting weirder; course registration, and other "responsibilities" basically.

My goal for this semester is simple
1) Enjoy lessons!
2) DO assignments please
3) Harmonix
4) MS OHE (Muslim Society's Overseas Humanitarian Expedition-I think so)
5) Eat less vending machine sandwiches (hahah I ate it like 4 times last sem)

Im definitely back to my post A levels sleeping schedule
At least im having 4-5 hours sleep which is nice hahaha (just that, you know, I read somewhere that the body recuperates at 11pm-3am so that's the optimal sleeping time idek)

Anyway, if you cant find positive energy to feed off off, (hahahaha) let others feed on your positive energy

Idk what that was for but it seemed apt to include
Good morning in advance my friends (in advance? my grandma is literally getting ready for work right now, it IS morning)
(Ok fine)
Bubye

Always a good day with them

It finally happened!
Like we finally went cycling together (Nelly missed it though boo)
I was late hahaha but then nice timing ah cause the literal SECOND I alighted the bus, it began to rain aka they were forced (jk they willingly out of kind hearts ha ha ha) to accompany me for brunch!
And also wait for the rain to stop of course
Went cycling from 1.40-3.40pm....
Lol Jk we cycled for 20 mins to a further shelter, sat down for some bants, card games and then realised it was 3.15pm... when it began raining again
So whaddheck we rode in the rain to return the bikes and THEN the rain stopped completely yay
We walked to a further shelter and continued our card games till 6pm before leaving (i know, why D:)
But it's all good cause- oh wait btw pardon if my usage of capital letters are not apt, my new font is all caps but apparently the CAPITAL CAPITAL is just sliiiightly bigger in size though it looks exactly the same as the lower caps-
Oh it's all good cause we took the bus ride home together yayyy
All in all it was a real beautiful day (the sun actually came out when we were playing cards!) And I had loads of fun!
(Except ofcourse melly was missing)
Ok hope them kids had a great first day of school!
Chiqa is P2 what is this mannnn

And school for me starts next week.
Excited but... ok lah excited.
Hahaha (Chanting the magic mantra: i wont regret saying this, I wont regret saying this) hahahaha
K goodnight sweetdreams

AHH man this is weird

What the goat
I just scrolled through my fb newsfeed and saw my primary schoolmate get tagged in a birthday post and people were like "You're 21!" And I freaked out because shizballs, THE PEOPLE I GREW UP WITH ARE TURNING 21

I mean i am too but i'd like to forget about that fact for a while (a while being 8 months) so please forget it with me

21 !!!!!
Siao this is unreal

20.31pm

Did nothing today!
Actually thought of going to queenstown or vivo for some gift shopping but alas, the weather encouraged me to stay in and cozy up with some old school wwe
Not complaining at all!

Plan is to go cycling with north pole tomorrow
Lets see how it goes hahahahah just anything with the beach involved is exciting enough

Btw im not using my instagram for a bit, I realise I always wake up scrolling through instagram and look at mostly pointless photos so I decided to go on a week cleanse to prove to myself that im not missing out on anything at all and that nothing truly is important nor interesting (not that I even care but you know) 

Using my side account though, where I follow noone so I can still post photos (cant let my amazing captions game go to waste)

Today,

Im thankful for: Health

Im feeling: Really relaxed hashtag lepak

I want to: Help prepare Chiqa's school stuff and make hot chocolate

Wild idea...

Daily blogging 2017?

Dont really trust my commitment level bUT worth a shot 

btw phil in hoodie- u mean more of his beauty yes please

2017, Hello!

Im in this constant battle between not sharing too much on social media and just putting myself out there and use it to the fullest since a lot of people are that open about their lives and I almost always love reading and acknowledging that e v e r y o n e lives a different story and if I cant sit down to listen to each and every one I can go online and read about as many as I can which is nice

Wow no punctuations, old me is back?

Hahahaha
Anyway, as usual, you are the first in which I wish Happy new year!
End of years are always cosy, and weird.
There's always that lag between Christmas and the new year where noone knows the day or date and all they do it float through the days, possibly chionging the last bits of work and/or hibernating- like I did.
Ushered in the new year with a repeat of last year: East coast with the cousins! (In this case only Cena and Lesnar since Khali and Triple H went missing... AGAIN hahaha itsokay there's always next year coughs it's already next year coughs)
Had an epic meal before settling down with taiti and had a relaxing night.
Except it ended so abruptly and we headed home just a bit after 1am, bummer.
Still, had a really good time with the company.

So yes from then till now (6.33am if you will) i've been reading and writing and researching and not doing social media (except fb lol thats my fren)

Here's to a safe, fruitful and enjoyable year ahead!

2016,

You've been real cool.