AGAIN ahhahaha
Also had the weirdest dream wew
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03.39am
Meeting eatgo in about 7 hours
Also I feel terrible cause every single time MCS has an outing I have plans prior
Where is our fate together hello
I miss abg mok and the rest
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04.50am
Things on my brain, especially since this convocation period is so close to what would've been mine
My relationship with academics is the weirdest thing ever, even I don't understand it
The worst part is i've had affliation to all the mods i've taken, I ace them and enjoy (most of) them
But I will do things like not submit final essays (50% who), skipping class totally cause I can't stand classmates who talks for the sake of participation grades
And when I resign to like 'Ugh just passing is fine'- it doesn't sit right
Something in me still wants to achieve and idk how i'm going to do it, idk how strong this drive is and idk what future me is going to do about it
Times when I feel contented, my fellows would come to me to ask me to proofread their essays- their essays when they know very well I dont even attend classes as much as they do nor do I write essays (ok fine I write them, I just dont submit them lol why dont ask me)
And idk it's like thanks for trusting my skills but also shows how much i'm wasting my own capabilities
The only issue is I will never be driven by any goals
If I like it i'll do it, and I don't see the issue because things will work out eventually and it has, time and again
This is barely complacency nor is it selfishness, more like blind faith
And yes you might think "then why not take control and achieve what you can now"
Which is a geniune consideration but I have no answers
Right now i'm between extending semesters and learning as much as I can (curse you GERPEs I dont care about you), or graduating on time without unlocking my full potential and move on to grander things, leaving university another half assed project
Either way I have myself and that's what matters most
I have an army of humans supporting my every move and if I can't be driven to do things for them- ok fine I will
Heart of the matter is uni life isn't as expected- education is still largely a memorize-and-you-shall-score agenda (even in Philosophy sometimes and that is the most disappointing thing ever)
Most of these people getting degrees don't even deserve them in the sense that they will not add real value to society (which is basically what the degree helps with- putting you in privileged places where you have the power to help but you probably wont cause different priorities)
If I were not one of the lucky ones getting a university education, I would want those who gets it, i.e my future leaders to be people I can count on
Educated, compassionate and cultured people who has actual working brains and logic
Being inside the system just flaunts more flaws of our education system and i'm sick of it (have been for a long while now)
It's 5am and as a person who takes one day at a time, forward thinking often falls flat
But it doesn't mean I won't continue dreaming and (probably) working- despite being part of such a flawed system I do not respect
Just, if you're ever upset about not being in uni, don't be
Not much valuable learning is going on here that you can't get elsewhere
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08.57am
Takes a special kind of talent to push people away
You're good I guess, but at what cost?
Ah nevermind
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20.21pm
Had (having, really) a lovely, lovely day filled with loved ones
Happy blessed birthday nenek!
May you be blessed with health, wealth, and all the love and happiness in the world ♡
(ele just reminded me august is soon wTH I THOUGHT MY HOLIDAYS ARE STILL LONG)
Also someone asked if we titled the concert Remembrance in lieu of our tribute song
That wasnt the case, but im glad it could be intepreted that way ;')
Ok no emotions now