When would I ever (00.06am)

Who wouldve thought i'd be in a 12.02am 154 bus from boon lay on a non-rehearsal day hahaha
Feels weird without keichi kk and emmaus in the bus entertaining my highness though hahahais
I happy cause got ice cream and mayra at work (also ptx was playing so I was Cant sleep loveing again)
(Ok wow my phone played ptx right as I typed the above thks smartphone)

+==edit==+
01.48am

Wah I cannot right as I give human chance by responding to messages I get even more spam
Ignoring in process.
Will tolerate once im up hahahah
Also had a lovely day/night with mayra!
Played xbox with a kid who became my best tag team partner- the last time I played the lego game at farouq's birthday gathering I had no idea what I was pressing or doing but this time round wow we were ultimate pros
Ended work with icecream- making hannah, marsha and iman entertain our hyperactivity and then 2 long bus rides hahah

Thankfully I get to report to work 30 mins later (hahahahaha you have no idea how much difference it makes)
Kk wanna do more ignoring
Adeu

+==edit==+
23.02pm

Sleepy but still at harbourfront
Taiyerrrd

It went well! (00.33am)

I really had a lot of things to blog about but due to the down weeks ive pushed them all aside but they'll probably be here soon
One of them is a notable mention aka CAN WWE JUST STOP GIVING US LESNAR VS REIGNS
Stop wasting my time omgosh
Ok whatever

Today's gig went well!
Though I made myself and mama eat quickly at abg erfan's wedding cause I had to be in school by 4
When I arrived we waited like almost 2 more hours before soundcheck though haha but yes the actual performance went great- havent had an audience this hyped since champs last year!
And nerves were non-existant, I think we were mostly excited hahah
Yay us!

Full day at work later aka why do I do this to myself I should keep myself free I have so much to do
Hoping for a well-rested sleep cause my body clock has been amazing these past few days and im happy about it hahaha
Ok buenas noches

+==edit==+
03.09am

Cant seem to be able to want to sleep
Must be the Can't sleep loves we've been singing over the weekend hahahahahais

+==edit==+
08.03am

It rainingggg
Anyway, much blesses cause anga was gonna send me to work but it was gonna rain and he offered to grab drop me to work hehehahhahe blessings of an elder bro
Here's to a smooth day ahead!

ps half of the coffee in my tumbler (i totally did not spell that as tumblr...) spilled in my bag (i totally did not type spilt why does this look right is it right why am I drunk) and i am sad but this is an excuse to buy more coffee (but i MADE this coffee with love and homemade coffee is the best) but it ok

Picking it up! (00.57am)

No idea where this newfound energy and life came from but I love it and appreciate it :')
Had a good, long day with my harmonix today!
Spent like 13 hours singing and dancing hahaha
It was the second full run and bruhh all the groups stepped up their game (except my RVN we too lepak until we messed up hahahaha but funny though)
We tried phantom for the first time and it was a fail cause where is sammy slamma jamma!!!
And rise up went normally until this kk decides to surprise us with extra runs and I cant even hahaha
Ended up staying till we got chased out by the security guards at 11pm
And then commences a high session which lasted till the bus ride (It ok I dont understand this sentence either)
Im slowly getting to tick off things from my to do list so all is good.

A wedding tomorrow before a gig at school.
Quite excited, I feel stage numb after champs like I wonder if any semblance of nerves will appear for me and my RVN
Hopefully not
Here's to an amazing day ahead!

+==edit==+
09.17am

Finally waking up after the sun hahaha
Gotta respect the ball of heat and light

You wouldn't like that (04.33am)

Now that I stopped drinking water, my existance is going back to normal- so this 3/4 hours sleep thing is one of it
YESSS
(im tempted to go back to sleep cause it seems like not a lot compared to the past few weeks but then this is my usual so buhbye)

+==edit==+
05.00am

Lol as a confirm-replier, not replying messages from humans for the past 4-5 days has been weird but still im obliged to reply so it felt good to mass reply all
But thats all no more responses it's a weekend and im......
Going for more rehearsals hahahaha

How is this the case (00.56am)

People say don't judge someone too harshly- both in the good and bad light, they might surprise you in ways you'd never imagine.
Today was a good reminder of it.
My heart and mind are confused but tonight is not the night for self-reflection (jk anytime is but just pls not tonight)
Safe flight, Mark ;')

+==edit==+
02.02am

I have so many unanswered messages and undone work, I guess my priorities these past two weeks have been off
I was gonna say i'd better settle all by Saturday's full run but im working full shift later but still no excuses cause I have 12 hours after work before I leave for school to do stuff
I just gotta realign myself hahha it's literally all it takes to be grand again

ps happy belated birthday grammy! youre the ultimate best and I love you more than words ♡

+==edit==+
08.46am

The very day I could sleep in my brain decides to wake me up at 6
Danke

+==edit==+
11.30am

Intentionally woke up early to a) visit grammy's store or b) get some work done but here I am 1.5 hours away from work starting and still in bed
Really praying for a smooth day ahead :')

+==edit==+
21.43pm

We really cant complain about our prayers coming true
And you getting further is probably a prayer come true
Give it time

Give me time (02.02am)

So much thoughts and things to blog about but I have to sort my brain out
Let's take it slow.
Extremely saddened that today was Mark's last rehearsal with Harmonix (FOR NOW OK i promise he'll return someday D:)
One of the things I adore most about life is how weird fate works
We truly are blessed to have him as part of the family.
I shall keep the emo for later but for now I pray for his safe journey back home where his loved ones mustve been missing his presence- spirit, energy, positivity and contagious livelihood.
Here's to us ♡

Good call (01.30am)

Wow you could say I fell asleep right after dinner at 9pm man
I mean I was tired but not that tired psht apparently so
Having a weird few days where im simultaneously my usual self and not- I blame the water again (hhahha)
K i'll see if my being needs more sleep or if that was sufficient

+==edit==+
12.47pm

Work has been a blur- it started so peaceful then suddenly crowded and im there like ???
Thankfully they cooled down and now im having the fantabulous lunch option of ice cream
Break ending soon hais I cant get over why it's half hour I cant even this is a crime against grace

+==edit==+
22.04pm

Somehow managed to catch a few more hours of sleep before waking up for good
Had a pretty lovely day overall, and now winding down with crashing valkyries' rehearsal
Another long day tomorrow but im keeping them spirits up ayy

This should be good (00.17am)

2 hours late for rehearsal to have an unproductive one on my side hahha luckily the others were doing well
Fell asleep around 8 and my usual 1.5 hours internal nap clock worked
No idea if I can sleep tonight but I have an interesting day ahead tomorrow- work and then off to elephant's school for a showcase with some harmonixers
Slowly getting on task since my worklist will only increase from here on out
Here's to a great day ahead!

+==edit==+
02.17am

Oh I missed this- waking up to people winding down
Hahaha I love how whenever I arise to prepare my being for activities everyone else is tucking themselves in bed
Anyway did I mention I had a lovely saturday with Andy hahah we were drunk and took the wrong train twice and laughed at crazy things
Looking forward to 6am so I can eat breakfast (hahaha the rare times i embrace food jk food is great)
(Why not now)
(I dont want my body to think it's dinner and then i'll end up eating breakfast at 4pm and lunch at 9pm oh wait whats new)
(I dont even eat that early what am i talking about)

Huh universe? (01.19am)

Just got home and idk why everyone is looking for trouble
Bye man I have no time for these nonsense

+==edit==+
01.36am

Ok already over the above hahaha
Realised two things; it's been so long since I was just at home and it has also been too long since I had proper time with the family
Crazy la
Time to work less and lepak more
Hah

+==edit==+
14.09pm

Also I dont get why humanity as a whole decided that denying and ignoring feelings are easier than to deal with them
Go be a brick then why dont yall
Vulnerability is such a human thing it's so normal why dont we just allow each other to feel with rationality

Heheh lol time to stop it (02.00am)

I mean my first excuse to being non-productive was my misplaced laptop
Then when I found it, I had the whole exhaustion fiasco (which apparently is caused by my kidneys having to work extra hard cause im suddenly drinking water aka foreign object im sorry i'll stop torturing you)
So now im stuck in a pile of looming but unsure deadlines
Should really update my agenda and to-do list soon hahahaha and by soon I mean in like 8 hours time

Met yol after work today aka sat in bali thai for 2 hours eating and talking and we almost forgot we ordered desserts
Roamed around with coffee until we realised we were lazy to walk more so ended up just sitting and talking
Aka us judging each other and realising that boys are trouble
K la gotta be up early later for rehearsal
Thankfully it's near home (i typed workplace wtheck hahahah)
I dont feel sleepy but I might will try and sleep anyways
Adeuuu 

This would either make my brain more keen to wake up now that it's noticed, or it'd be like "theyre unto us, time to stop"
○List of times I woke up today○
03.34am

==+edit+==
09.58am

Wow I actually woke up 4.5 hours after the above edit hahahaha so apparently my brain chose option 2
Anyway my complacent being is out again everytime rehearsal is near my place im like "i just need 10 mins to get there" but I forgot i need time to get ready too hahahah dasar
Also the subtle differences in some emoticons is a cool way to judge others (not that I do it but) it just makes me wonder like why do u use this smiley and not the ones with eyebrows
And other stuff
And idk why im blogging I should be leaving home in 15 mins
Here's to a great, productive day ahead!

+==edit==+
16.50pm

Everyone deserves access to witness the skyline from a skyscraper.
I don't know why but it's inspiring.
And this is irrelevant to our city but imagine being a countryside or ocean or mountain person and suddenly seeing the city in all its glory
Life is so weird

Is the cure really what I think it is (01.20am)

Ive been feeling simultaneously comfortable mentally and uncomfortable physically which is such an unnecessary combination
This might sound weird but I think my body is getting used to being hydrated with h20
So these side effects of exhaustion, random mood perks and an unsteady sleeping schedule (me sleeping at 4am is still part of a regular schedule but now nooo)
Let me google more about this in case it turns out to be fake news
Anyway yes im physically not feeling the best

Work went smoothly, I was doing pretty lowkey tasks which was amazing seeing my current situation.
Hopefully it's the same later.
Got to leave earlier and ended up picnicking at fort siloso- that was a beautiful windy sunny moment
Also saw Kak suki on the way back to shangri-la omgosh hahaha fate bro
Rehearsal today was fun cause we barely rehearsed hahahaha whats new
I was high during certain timing and my brain was everywhere
This is weird lol im rarely not in control of myself
So yes linking back to the title of this blog post
Maybe the cure is to either continue drinking water and give myself time to adjust (aka more exhaustion and weirdness- hopefully not much longer) or a more ideal way out is to just stop it hahahahaha
Ok work later and then might meet yol for dinner
Buenas noches

+==edit==+
17.32pm

Currently in bali thai at suntec, gotta wait for yol for another hour so im forced to order something psht all cause I lazy to walk around hahaha
Had a lovely day, but the waking up every hour thing is still happening- but weirdly (or not), now it's 1 point something hours.
Hahahahaha crabmeat
I was pleasantly surprised cause when I woke up at 6.30am and it was raining I thought i'd have overslept if I went back to sleep but it was only 7.30
Work was relaxing, there was a new emoji uno card HAHA so cute
I think the best days are when we get to bond with the other colleagues
Ok I ordered lemongrass forgetting that it tastes like that (Idk why in my head it was omg SUGARCANE I somehow thought they were the same thing HAHAHA LAME)
But it is potentially keeping me awake so that's good
Kay my appetizer aka time waster is here (not in a bad way ok)
Yol quickkk

Idk what is up but whatever (02.07am)

Today was a lovely day of course harmonix but I had random peaks of highness and my throat is confused because im back to the sop-vp jumps in life
Im so sorry vocal cords i'll take better care of you
Work in 8 hours
Funny how much difference half hour can make
Will it be another beach morning hmm we'll see how I wake up later

+==edit==+
05.25am

The same thing is happening this whole morning hahah please hourly arising
I thought the rain would make me sleep more

+==edit==+
09.51am

Will probably be like 3 mins late to work
No idea what im wearing hahahah
yolo

+==edit==+
18.39pm

Right now (most of today actually) I feel like im on autopilot mode
It's so uncomfortable and im tiredddzzz
My phone is sm0kin hot
Im too early for once and drinking plain water is making me feel so eughish
I need sweet drinks pronto but I also need humans to be here to take over my spot cmon man

Que pasa (04.37am)

So finally managed to force myself to sleep a bit before 4am but now im awake again
How and why D:

==+edit+==
08.42am

Woke up every hour since the above post but now im wide awake
Will probably be a functioning member and get an afternoon nap (unless im back to my normal sleep schedule?)

==+edit+==
16.14am

That was a weird sleep experience hahaha I kept waking up but whatever all is good im awake now
Left home early to head to school and im like "I should probably get my lunchinner"
So I walked into a minimart and bought kitkat and coffee
Then I walked out, checked what I bought and laughed to myself
Adulting hard
I need a butler

==+edit+==
16.22pm

Im waiting for my bus and hurting myself trying to open the coffee bottle
HELP im staring at the rock on the skyscraper poster but he doesnt want to transfer some of his powers to me
!!!! Does this mean i have to wait till I see friends before i get to drink or is it not weird to ask a stranger
Wait why CANT I OPEN IT
K my bus is here
Bye rocky boy no friend you

==+edit+==
16.27pm

OK managed to open it at the expense of my hands being blistered how even man this is not cool
Anyway the bus was approaching that traffic light (you know the ones that are ALWAYS red literally NEVER green)
And it was green so I was like "oh finally?!" and it immediately turned auburn.
Bruh

Bliss (01.05am)

Had a lovely day!
Met Mayra early in the morning just to hang out at the beach with our portable coffees.
The first guest at work was a lively man who had such a bright personality I loved it
Spent the day doing activities with the kids and they made me play Granny hahahah it turned out to be fun though, thank god Chiqa plays it so I wasnt in the dark
Ended the night with a long awaited supper session with the humans.
Aka I got ice cream!!!
I think I slept most of the bus journey home man
Saw elephant in the lift loser hahaha

No work for the next 2 days (which is a bummer cause I specifically scheduled wednesday to spend Mayra's last day with her but my shift got cancelled D:) but rehearsals galore so im looking forward to that.
Time to focus extra more on the concert now that we're nearing the one month mark!
Excitingggg!
May everything go smoothly insyaallah

==+edit+==
12.49pm

Supposed to be at smu 2 hours ago
I cant even
May my affairs be smooth

==+edit+==
23.59pm

Had a lovely day with half of Harmonix hahaha
Two different groups were having rehearsals and some of us were there for moral support
It's always lovely to see the spirit (not casper)
Makes me miss singing with RVN!
It ok, tomorrow heheh
Alright I might have to head out to the shop to buy things soon

Is it time to resume (00.19am)

Finally found my laptop hahaha someone found it for me
I havent touched it cause I emoing let it know that im disappointed at it for being missing for so long
No fren you
(For a while)
Is it time to resume being productive hahah

Had a pleasant day, visited grandpa with khali and cena and then went for dinner.
Ended the night with a durian and throwback music party
Aka finally I got to eat durian this season
Watched 3 minutes of the world cup finals when I realised that i'd prefer if the whole game was just penalty shootouts- saves me 90 minutes of my time seeing them run around chasing the ball hahahahahah hashtag life hack
Planning another beach morning before work tomorrow, this time with humayra who is the first fresh friend I made (she's also leaving this week so saddd)
I should rest
Heheh
Will show my laptop some tlc later in the morning ok
Buenas noches

==+edit+==
02.54am

Aiyooo dont ask me why im awake
Anyway while we were gathered eating dinner two nights ago, someone played their music playlist and 2 of my current most played songs played and at that moment it felt so right hahaha I loved it
K thats all sleep calculator says 3.10am (or was it 3.15 I forgot)

This is insane (05.50am)

Today was wild from top to bottom haha
I had a downtime morning (and last night too who am I kidding)
I was chairing a meeting but I was also drunk
(but one time I said one microphone costs 700$ and everyone thought I was drunk cause wth so I agreed and told them to move on but turns out I was right HAHAH byeee only I can call myself drunk)
And today I was supposed to prepare slides and present something, and also buy a gift for my successor but those weren't done too.
Also I was supposed to be in school at 10am, and although I woke up before my alarm at 6am, (and then every 2 hours after) I couldnt for the life of me attempt to move or leave the bed.
And my downtime lasted till noon :')
Ended up reaching 3 hours late.
But things went well- Harmonix is crazy and I love it.
Soooo I can finally reveal that (ok it feels weird even at the thought of typing this but) i'm chairing harmonix next academic year?????
Crayyyyzyyyyy.
It's both expected and unexpected you feel me?
Like this feels like it's bound to happen but also really surreal.
Ah idk how to explain this without sounding cocky ahahaha wait since when do I care I dont
Ive always been the person who "has potential but-" which means ive never taken the main leader role (ok malay dance in primary school excluded- im always vice or head-of-something) cause I "dont-do-admin" and dont like responsibilities (must be my internal rebel hahahha sorry I always blame you)
So it's both surprising and amazing that I am given this opportunity cause all these while ive told myself I could lead a club like people think I can, but none were willing to take the risk to let me run it fully (even though for all instances I end up doing the main leaders' jobs and more) (not liking responsibilities does not mean im not good at it???)
(k la we still highkey angsty about choir hahahahahahahaha you would know, yol and dee)
Along came these crazy people daya and jemery trusting me enough to pass the baton over.
All I want is the best for the club and im blessed to have fellow members who are as passionate, and a fellow leader who is very efficient and responsible (shoutout to ernie franta who saved my day twice today; the slides and the AGM presentation)

Ok less formal things ahead
Daya gave me the WORLD'S SMALLEST HARMONICA!!!!
It's so cool to own the world's smallest something hehehehehehe and it works amazing I played mary had a little lamb earlier today
And it's a keychain so I can make noise wherever I go woohooo
Also they passed me a file of legacies which made me so emo cause this is the true letting go of oldmonix; the post-origins committee.
I have a literal burden and I dont mind it one bit.
(tb to just now when keichi and I were debating on who should keep the champs certs cause we both think we would lose them)
Informal awards and the dinner buffet went well too, I had tons of fun and I hope the rest did too :')
ALSOO finally played secret hitler after so longgg
Reminds me of how much I love that game hahaha
Ended the night with prata and a ride home in the heavy rain
I wish to rest now, buenas dias!

Well that didn't work (00.57am)

I was sleepy the 2nd half of the night man hahaha which is weird but then again it might've been the fact that I slept longer
I need rest and I keep thinking it is tuesday hahahahaha
Just now at work was the first time (?) I witnessed twins playing the older card with the girl repeating times 20 "I WAS BORN ONE MINUTE BEFORE YOU!" rephrased but still repeated

+==Edit==+
08.22am

Woke up earlier but still felt tired
Actually right now im considering napping a bit more and then grabbing to school later
I need...energy....
I suspect a cause and if it's true then it's one of those get worse before it gets better thing
K goodnight

==+Edit+==
12.16pm

Not funny man im so over this exhaustion what would undertaker say if he saw me like this
I CHOOSE TO WAKE MY ENTIRE BEING UP
Whatever happens, happens

Wow actually (02.01am)

Consider my wish slightly coming true cause I woke up at 1.58am hahahah
Close enough
Now I have a thousand messages to sieve through

//edit//
02.46am

I have tons of things to do by today before work and the meeting at night
I feel like eating but im not hungry
It's ok I trust in my optimal self

//edit//
07.43am

Ended up sleeping for 2 more hours naise
Im turning into the cavemen with this phased sleep cause apparently it was the norm back then to sleep, wake up and do stuff, and then sleep again throughout the night
Thought i'd leave home early but somehow switched on the laptop and did some work
Should probably leave home soon haha ok 8am

Is this progress yes it is (01.38am)

For a serial anti-water I think I can more or less ignore the taste now
I mean of course at times (by at times I mean everytime I drink it) i'll bluek but ehh at least I will drink more than a sip willingly hahahahahaha
I mean it does nothing but good to you- like the kinds of friends we should keep (hahahaha what a topic jump)

Im happy today, Harmonix always makes me happy
My RVN was so high I think this is our true colours coming out and I love it hahahha we weird together it's ok
Our lovely emmaus was away for a figure skating competition- so proud of her (insert party poppers and heartmojis)
Road to concert is going and I have a lot of things to do but I also have an amazing team with me aka Harmonix so we're all in this together!

Working later at 9.30, kinda dont mind it cause I end at 6- RVN rehearsal is called off though boo but I have harmonixing things to do so... same thing
May we all have a grand day ahead!

//edit//
01.57am

And ok I just want to let this out of my system
If you feel like someone changed, reflect whether that thought is birthed from the fact that they stopped acting the way you like- and if yes, source it.
Did they change because it's tiring not being reciprocated?
Or was it uncalled for?
Either way, people usually change for a reason and sometimes the reason lies within us.
As friends, instead of dwelling over "the change", we should seek the cause first and foremost and not point fingers immediately.

Also omgosh idk whether to feel sad but we played burning/building bridges and someone voted me as "least likely to save a loved one from drowning" and I was so disappointed to hear that but then again it could be because of how I often act (indifferent? idk?)
But do I look I dont have a heart
Ok fine I do
But still
I mean im not offended but it made me think about how I appear to others
But meh do I look like I care no I dont
What matters is I know what I hold in my heart (but at the same time im not trying to make the misjudgers look like the bad person for misjudging me- you should know the risk of constantly being misread and it is unfair to expect others to read what you don't write)
Also when we say someone is caring is that putting an additional weight on them it lowkey is
I hope we all do our part to take care of the hearts of our personal caretakers.

Ok I should rest hahaha dont feel like sleeping but also dont feel like thinking too much

//edit//
04.16am

It's a monumental day, I just posted my first IG story hahaha
I mean all these while I ignored its existence cause humans use it for nonsense (I mean whatever goats their seas) but I realise it's a good platform to learn about humans
(Makes me sound like a robot trying to pass the turing test im not ok)
So let's see how patient I am compared to socrates hahahaha jk
Just... dont disappoint me humans.
If you see me disappear from IG again you know what to blame

//edit//
05.19am

Actually getting ready for work now cause I dont feel like sleeping
Good I guess
Anyway sudden mood to wrestle- wished I had videos of myself in the ring but hahahaha where got time when youre busy hustling
I enjoyed it, but my schedule disallows it fow now aiseh priorities man
Maybe I should lowkey practice and then when I go back to training I wont be too shocked hahahah
(now i feel like my exercise is alternating between dance and wrestling why not i do both)
(ya sure if you want to not have a physical being????)

//edit//
20.20pm

Really dont feel like being productive now so I shall sleep and not set my alarm and see where life takes me
I just hope I dont wake up before 2am cause that'd be pointless but usually my naps are auto built in 90 minutes
But we'll see

Who knows (15.34pm)

Can't tell if im still in hibernation mode or I just internally refuse to function or my physiological being is going through something normal
Either way im extra glad I have free time to do nothing today
Injecting positivity into myself because who has time for mellow living
Answer: not me
Ok I shall go consume brunch

And idk how and why but someone texted out of the blue asking if im ok and im lowkey shocked cause like "how you know im having a downtime" but thanks much appreciate is it we telepathy hhaha ♡

Not to disappoint but (00.15am)

Idk people have been expecting things from me and yes it's nice to know that they know your standards and capabilities but I would also love to remind humans that expectations are more trouble than they're worth sometimes

+==Edit==+
23.10pm

Ay hi mini rebranding hahah
Kidds it was a typo and it looked nice so bye //(xxxx)//
I dont know if anyone would even get what im talking about but whatever hahaha
Anyway ignoring all messages now and hopefully even tomorrow
One does not disturb a freshly hibernated being
The only good thing about work today was that they were playing Smackdown live in the canteen (???? dont look at me im confused too) but I only realised it as I was walking out cause I sat backfacing the tv the entire time bruh.
But Kane was in action and idk his presence just graced my day
Also I finally got to finish colouring something
And I was craving for Mcspicy but not hungry enough to buy it only to go home seeing Mcspicy on the table
Thanks universe

Thankfully my shift tomorrow is cancelled cause I do have a few (by a few I mean the opposite) things on my plate especially this week.
Here's to a productive, relaxing and positive day ahead!

I mean... (05.41am)

Finally settling down after 20 hours of being actively outside
Alhamdulillah for today.
We got 4th and 6th place which was meh alright but I just rewatched the videos and major ewwww
I know our standard and that was not it hahahaha
Especially me???
My solo was bullcrap pls hahaha but I wasnt even having fun on stage so that's when I know im not slaying but ehh it ok I dont do free shows right hahahah
Our last song made me tear up though I couldnt even finish the last few notes hahah drama (ok la couldve controlled but why- just let the emotions emote itselves man)
And I just felt proud after everything.
Tears of pride joy and relief.
Thank you RVN and Demonix, though we didnt do our usual, whatever man what's done is done
My favourite to watch is always the international and beatboxing categories
They all toreeee the rooof downnn
I had so much fun.
And harmonix had shared so many tears, laughs and hugs today it was crazy
When we were huddled in a circle with earl (hm unintended poetry) it felt so homey.
Which they are.
I love them so much I cant.
Im so proud and I hope to remind every single one of them of their worth and value in my eyes.
♡
I deserve to hibernate.

//edit//
20.41pm

Woke up feeling exhausted and ended up hibernating every few hours
I feel like I have so many things to do, champs (and the fact that I misplaced my laptop- havent even attempted to find it) had been a great excuse to procrastinate
I dont even want to respond to messages but I have to send a lot out lol
Work resumes tomorrow, and im hoping for sunshine at least.

Foreign tears (20.22pm)

I dont know if it was the expectations, or the lack of faith but tonight felt different- both in a good and not so good way.
Overall i'm just... ok la edit later

Even more sweetness (04.39am)

Days like these remind me why pursuing your passions are worth it.

//edit//
04.58am

And that fate works in a really really incomprehendable but amazing way- perhaps mere humans were made not to understand it.
So rehearsal ended around 1am, with me not even realising it was past midnight (i cant be cinderella)
And then we gathered in a circle and hugged each other singing a song I still dont know but made me tear up
We were like "Ok pep talk should be on competition day"
Then uncle jer said "Ok a short one today we'll finish by 1.35am"
But everyone had a go, we cried and laughed together and roasted each other and we passed tissues around hahahaha
It was so precious
And then we headed down and lay down on the floor to get a whale photo of ourselves from the reflection on the mirrored ceiling
That was nice hahahaa lowkey camping under the stars (we are the stars)
Then we walked to supper singing WWE theme songs hahaha I cant believe I spared them from singing Sexy boy!!!!
And it was extra nice cause yesterday I walked the same route alone but not anymore ayy
But yes I dont even know why I was emotional- is it pride, and love, and the fact that we've come so far
I have no idea
But everytime I see demonix rehearse I want to cry cause theyre so amazing
And when I see how hard my group works, I feel blessed everytime that they have the heart to keep trying.
And my RVN is as amazing ♡
Most importantly we are one Harmonix.
It's so touching to see the alumnis and val stay back with us till 2am to rehearse like honestly a few things the members said in the circle resonates with me;
Harmonix is a huge part of my life, im blessed to ever be here, and im glad im still here.
I hate thinking of close shaves, yet it is the best thing to reflect on.
What if ZX decided to leave us after the external showcase in April?
What if Mark joined choir instead of us?
What if Matthias and Sam didnt manage to find out we exist just cause noone was there to tell them?
What if I didnt get into my dream course and didnt meet JM who promoted this club on the very first day?
What if I wasnt even interested to try- I wasnt even aware of a cappella that much but now im an expert k hahaha kidds
But yes im just so proud of each and every one of the members and I hope we all grow to learn and see our own worths.
I love you guys and I can't believe champs is tomorrow and I pray the best for us. Trust. ♡

//edit//
12.24pm

I think it's time to revert to my non-plain water drinks
It helped in other aspects of my being but not my voice ah so ok see you soon water nice being your friend this past week
I bet you helped somehow

//edit//
21.17pm

Bleaghh my efforts to heal today got halted just cause I went to TAG's showcase
Who can watch a performance without screaming not me
Anyway less than 20 hours to champs!
I even dreamt about it while napping earlier today

//edit//
23.59pm

Just got home from eating seafood
I was paying at the cashier when one random dude standing outside the shop asked how the food was
So I assumed he was the chef asking for review
Turns out he was kind of a public figure among the aunties and uncles perhaps and mama thought I knew him
Lollll
OK CHAMPS DAY
Meeting them in 8 hours
After consecutive days of meeting them, I already miss them hahahah bye

Sweet mems (02.47am)

Reached home half hour ago; managed to cycle home, took me 9 mins
I ran a main road traffic pls omgosh I really shouldnt have in this state ahaha but thankfully there were no speeding cars- I was the speeding car
Ended rehearsal around 1 plus today, which is pretty early relative to last year but it ok let us rest
Anyway me singing on a daily basis is really halting my own recovery
Maybe later I should just keep quiet the whole time no matter how tempting
Also ive been drinking a lot of plain water but I still can't fully ignore the bluekish part hahaha ok kidding dramatic but true
Now we just gotta bring our morale up and I gotta have quality rest
No pressure, self, you heal at your own time ok
I shall rest then, buenas noches!

//edit//
14.22pm

I always feel alright when im at home but once I start the whole singing thing it goes back to square one
But mind over matter for now and I will make this feeling last the whole week
I remember the eve of champs last year we took a break and when we met the day after we kept saying how we couldnt stop singing our parts and doing our choreo- lowkey pre withdrawal
And im already dreading the withdrawal but hopefully it wont be too bad since we'll be working towards concert next

Btw guys.... I absolutely have ZERO idea how I scored that well in logic considering I went for 0 lessons I literally only went for the 3 tests and even then 1 was taken outside of class cause I missed it
Remember my rants about impossible 8.30AMs on a thursday hahaha
But honestly thanks to the prof he's always so kind and willing to help
Anyway im just glad I dont have to remod, I was quite Ughh noooish when I finished my final test (which I left early for cause no amount of time could help me bullcrap something out)
But Alhamdulillah, we're here now.
Miracles man hahahaha
Ok bye

Thought we were there (00.37am)

Home from rehearsal which was awesome (must be for justine too) cause it's 5 mins away from home :')
I thought I was ok enough to sing but it's not fully healed- perhaps a good 75% which dropped to a 68% after attempting the eb6 just now lol
I deserve rest especially after drinking like 3 bottles of water over the past 3 days
Which is weird cause being hydrated feels cool and all except the toilet-need increases tenfolds
But like my dear emmaus says- flush them toxins and badness out
Hahaahah
Anyway yeah had a really lovely day
Here's to another grand, healthier day

ps feliz cumpleaños kak faizah, daya and rico!

Give and take I guess (06.31am)

The problem with being too hydrated- I think I woke myself up to use the toilet hahah but thanks self youre doing a great job

//edit//
06.54am

Dont know why I agreed with the toyib yol for setting our lepakraya in the morning dasar doraemon man
But it ok cause it means we can hang out longer since i'll be meeting RVN earlier today
Speaking of meeting RVN, I think today is a great day for a jollibee dinner hahahaha yes I agree

//edit//
19.10pm

Rude sia I typed a heartfelt thing but it disappeared hahaha
Ok i'll edit this post soon in my grab on the way to rehearsal

Why do I suddenly (18.11pm)

So I woke up feeling exactly the same even after eating meds except I thought I lost my voice for good so I didnt even talk until I was forced to speak to the taxi uncle
And my voice was full baritone hahahaa jk but it was low and cool
But as of now my throat feels a lot better!
As I was consuming panadol last night I realise that human bodies are just so amazing cause there is literally no cure (ok dont @ me im not a scientist) besides your self.
Like we can do what we can to block pain receptors but the real healing indeed happens internally
(Again, not sure if true but I just want to appreciate humans)
I have felt so dreary at work so far but it's getting better I guess- which is great considering the fact that I am unknowingly doing a full shift
Hahahaha ok bye 5 days to champs!!!

//edit//
23.06pm

Two good things, my throat feels a lot better and idk how but im happy!
Still not risking talking or singing to let it fully heal.
Also, mama made her infamous (ok everything she makes is famous) kuih suji without me even realising :')
Shows how much ive not been home the past few weeks
Work wasnt the easiest today- everyone was in a panicked/not so good mood but it ended well I guess
Always lovely to have your friends around though you dont get to interact much
Ok, meeting north pole after what feels like forever tomorrow (DONT TELL ME THE LAST TIME WE MET WAS THE KL TRIP...????)
And then rehearsals for the next 3 days, a rest day, and finally competition day
Here's to an amazing week ahead ♡

Ehh we got this (01.08am)

Finally settled down!
Today went quite well, i'm not that tired hahah
The first item went bollocks not cause of the steps but the prop hahaha
But the second item was perfecto so hashtag redemption
It was delayed by an hour though so I was supposed to be in school by 3pm but I arrived around 4.45pm :')
Didnt feel like moving but seeing my group dance inspired me so I made them do a seemingly complicated dance move but meh they got it so fast
And then Jamie helped us value add (she's so nice and cute like her sister i cant)
Left school around 10.40pm and went home to mcnuggets and a carbonara waiting

Ok so kak syaz is getting married in a few hours time T.T
I can't comprehend it really
She was the first friend I remember making- we were at the playground and I have this clear memory (wow I almost said footage vlogger much hahaha) of her on the slides asking if I wanted to play with her
And our mums didnt like each other but that was a one time affair cause now theyre besties 4 lyfe hahahah amaizing
We grew up together man- dancing, manicures, when she grew too old for the playground she still included me in her life, bringing me to her secondary school barbeque and still hanging out.
Now she's gonna be someone's wife
Im so tempted to count how many years since we met but I know i'll be emo but still ok ugh hm 17 years I think
I remember during her teenage angst years her twitter bio or fb status was like "dont act like youve known me for 10 years" and im there like "but i know you for 10 years" hahahaha
Now it's almost 2 decades
Haissss sister
May this marriage last forever, and you both be blessed with a beautiful loving family to call your own.
More importantly to your babies I am THE Wani ok hehehe muchas amor ♡

Here's to a lovely day ahead

//edit//
07.57am

This is legitimately my first sore throat since joining choir back in 09
Almost a decade of amazingness but hahahah
Things happen man

//edit//
16.12pm

Just left the beautiful wedding-
Beautiful cause the whole big family was there :')
AND I DIDNT THINK ID ACTUALLY TEAR UP SEEING HER BUT I DID
Ain and I were like trying to record a video while blowing bubbles while trying not to cry hahahahah it was epic
The pink alien is so beautiful
Also Adib and I almost cried together too hahaha
Ok im very late for rehearsals again but im reaching so hahaha

//edit//
23.36pm

Typed something but it disappeared boo blogger
It has been an exhausting but satisfying day of kinship and more importantly (haha jk) I got to carry a baby, got origlazed courtesy of andy and got fish soup
Couldve sworn the fish soup healed my sore throat but RVN and Andy made me laugh too much it hurt again
Officially having flu and fever but im thankful it's here now one shot, hopefully it goes away one shot too :')
Thankful for today ♡