The reason (13.41pm)

I think I give important sounding titles to unimportant content and vice versa hahahaha
So the reason I mentioned Youtube in the list of things i've had no time for is because at this time of the year most youtubers are putting in extra efforts in their contents and it means I have a lot of videos im interested in watching.
Ok im supposed to leave home soon bye

Sorry Socrates (19.53pm)

I have been so occupied that I dont even have time for youtube and blog hahaha
These past few days have been quite nice (I know yesterday's post was angst but it was mostly the people responsible) but I kept a lookout around for positivity and lo and behold everyone else seemed to be having a lovely day so I fed off their energies and got rid of mine
The taxi uncle was a bubbly old man and then there was a family at the lobby with 2 cute kids (one of the babies almost walked into me thankfully I have the dodging skills of a first class ninjaress)
Wait- when even was the last time I blogged my day? Hahaha brb while I checked.
Ah okay Friday night that was nice.

Saturday was great, mostly because we suddenly got transported to my dream town because EVERYTHING was purple!
It was glorious my eyes were blessed I felt so in tune with the surrounding
It was really all purple e v e r y where it was beautiful
Different shades of awesomeness and everyone was friendly and smiling
And I was with Harmonix the best people
And the sun was shining so brightly it was splendid
Ok besides that, we had 4 showcase of mostly underprepared song (except We Are Young we literally have no excuse as to why it's underprepared hahahaha)
It was fun there were bubbles and we were dancing but more importantly, we were doing it for a good cause.
The Purple parade (in case my description of how much purple there was wasnt a clear enough indication) strives to raise awareness to create a more inclusive society which is another aspect of my dream town of course so it's all perfect!
Had a short practice with the champs team and yol came over loser who invited her idk hahahaha (i think i did)
Had dinner and then we sat in pasarbella where daya entertained us with her black magic she is officially now a bomoh in our eyes
She introduced us to a game but she kept winning so even though it wasnt electronic I suspect she rigged it because once she guessed 1 finger and I put up 1 finger and literally gasped cause wth girl did you just telekenesis my hand
Walked to SMU afterwards with yol and keichi where I got worried we'd harm him due to excessive laughing
Idk what we were talking about but I just remembered us acting drunk
There commenced the boardgaming session which didnt get any better for my brain because daya was already high early in the night and song of the night turned out to be my demdems' SNS which was great but just like Allstars the previous time, I couldnt stop singing it (at least I didnt feel annoyed hahahah)
Also Yol and I blatantly cheated a few times- (we tried to change rolecards for hitler and combine our cards for taiti but both times it didnt work hahahah) you see this why gangmates should (or shouldnt, whatever) play games together.
At first we wanted to use a language people wont understand but I realise she doesnt speak spanish and i dont speak korean and people might understand the F language no matter how fast we spoke so we did what we do best which is to talk nonsense
We were both fascist in one of the rounds but I forgot that I had to check who Hitler was so in the middle of the game I typed a note asking "Who's hitler" and I asked out loud, "Like what colour?"
And she said purple so I took out my eyeshadow pallette to ask which shade of purple (the person was wearing) and she pointed to a dark purple but then I realised both the humans wearing purple was wearing the same shade so I asked again, front or side (pertaining to where the person was seated) and she pointed to the side
So I was defending keichi all the while thinking he was hitler and turns out hitler was sitting in front of me all those while.
Loser la hahha we forgot we had an entire dictionary of our own words which we couldve used
We ended a bit before 4am I think and justine sent us to Macs where we spent 2 hours on breakfast and intellectual discussion.
I thought it'd be peaceful but the outlet was filled with halloween partygoers (some of them were probably drunk) and the manager who didnt do anything but stood one corner
Whatever hahaha caught the sunrise as we parted ways

Sunday morning was slightly annoying but it ended lovely hahah
Training went well as we did the full runs for all the muara items and set aside our costumes
Just worried about the multitude of props we need to prepare and also the changing of accessories booo
But it's ok there's always a first time hahahaa
Anyway it's officially Muara week!
Last year I was with beztari as we watched ASB do one of the main items and I was like "aw man i missed that" and this year im on the main stage with ASB this is coooool fate is cool
I survived the day with a migraineish feeling and ended up sleeping early (definitely before 2) as mama applied a face mask and fed me 2 tablets hahahaha I love you mummy ♡
OH I cant believe I didnt mention this but as we were practicing someone walked in and I was like "IS THAT KAK WEFI" AND IT WAS!
Mine and elephant's primary school dance teacher D:
I got emo man hearing her voice like she sounds acts and looks exactly the same even though almost 10 years have passed
She was watching us dance and then suddenly squealed like "Eh Wani??!!" and soon she saw elephant and did the same thing hahaha I cant even, if only eatgo was there too
Ok la no need for mass emoness but still it was really lovely to see her and I hope to see her more!

I feel like I have nothing and everything to do at the same time so i'll need to sort out my agenda tonight
(I say tonight because primetime hahaha)
I think I havent recovered fully even since 2 weeks ago if this persists I might go to the beach because it is the best medicine hahahahh where got time for clinics there's no queues at the beach

Might be meeting kak faizah after so long tomorrow!
In the meanwhile im avoiding all messages not sorry mates I gotta entertain myself
Adeu!

Disgusting Sunday Morning (15.31pm)

I dont appreciate people who dont have the ability to cushion others
I know it's not obligation la but as supposedly rational beings compassion isnt too far fetched
And I really dont appreciate people who likes to make a small problem big
Most of all, I dont appreciate having to rush to a far away place with a pounding headache and then having people spamming my messages asking me to come "faster" like bish im in traffic do you want to come cut the expressway in half or call vin diesel to be my cab driver
But the best part is that when people or things dont matter, they cant affect you.
It's just so darn unnecessary.
I can live without this extra pressure.
I WANT tO FAINT my brain hurts

Fresh breath (01.32am)

Umm.
Is it bad that I am thinking of starting to watch a new drama series now
Ok crab la I usually dont care to sleep but I have a responsibility to fulfill later on and right now I dont trust myself to do well unless I, as mentioned by Dr Chia in voice class, (and Mcclosky) (who happened to give advise on what to do when we have to perform with a sore throat in class 2 days ago hahahahah fate I tell you) rest and hydrate
Both im failing at miserably hahahahahahhais this is not a joyful laugh

Kamal adli won super spontan hahahahahahaha this is also not a joyful laugh but rezeki is unquestionable congrats
I heard jozan returned to their throne so I must watch it soon
(the drama I feel like watching though.......)
Whatever i'll decide in time
I'll probably sleep by 2am

Went to meet syahira and gomez earlier today and roamed around town hahaha
Usually im the directions person so it was nice being able for once to walk aimlessly cause we were just lagging behind following syahira around
Caught up with them for a bit and idek I missed having ghaya the mother figure in my life like she knows me so well I appreciate it
Not having to ever explain myself because she just gets it hais precious
I was like Bruh lets go karaoke and she immediately went "After your throat gets better and after your performances"
Haahaha i forgot
And while we were browsing perfume and I was saying how the lotion didnt smell as nice she suddenly laughed to herself saying "I missed hearing that!"
"Hearing what?" I asked.
"You saying Loser" and it's just like I didnt even realise I said it because it's something I say on a regular basis
This just shows how long we havent caught up
Almost 4 freaking years

Ok WISH US LUCK FOR THE PERFORMANCE LATER my aim is to have fun hehehe and might be meeting yollie I hope so

//edit//

03.19am

Talk to my hand it's not happenin sleep is not happening this baaaad 

Math dont work (00.55am)

Im lazy to explain my title but basically yesterday (ok weds') rehearsal went well Evokals sounded good and our energy level was bomb
Idk what it was but I loved it hahahaha
There was also birthday celebration for the aug-oct babies lol thanks justine

I had a lot of dreams last night and I got awakened every 2 hours and noted the dreams down and then went back to sleep and it happened at least thrice and made me miss my morning class (technically I woke up for it but I didnt want to get ready yet you feel me)
Headed for voice class anyways where we sang amazing grace and then to north spine where I saw yol excitedly walking to her cca wow never seen her so motivated (hhaha kidds) while queuing with rico
Keichi walked past me looking for me hahaha I cant even
Met up with the rest and travelled to SMU.
Luck on was my side because amidst the jam packed train there was a seat and I got to sit bruh I wouldve fell out of heavyheadedness anyways
It got worse in the night as the meeting begun lol I was sleeping half the time
When I alighted the bus home I saw elephant walking infront hahaha so i caught up to her and as usual, sisters' telepathy, she said she felt like going Giant and I felt that yesterday but I didnt go because was late so we excitedly hopped to the new 24 hours giant and then saw Anga about to board his motor hahahaha
We went grocery shopping and then yay home
I feel a bit better now that ive eaten but my hands are shaking uncontrollably idk why?
Is it cause I ate late
But that's the lamest reason considering how I went 4 days without food without feeling anything 2 weeks ago
This crazy man
Gotta take better care of my alien self

BTW this demi killing us with the suspense of her tour announcement I cant even

A meeting in 9 hours time (if I feel better ahahais) and then probably meeting my gomez after so long
And then a performance TOMORROW wtheck im both prepared and not
Pleaseeee get well fast at least my vocal tract

//edit//

03.05am

Lol caught her announcement 40 seconds in so dems is going on tour (so far locations are all in the US tsk) with DJ khaled aka isnt he the guy who kept interrupting her SNS performance dont bring him here por favor id rather you bring nick hahahaha

Btw my uni life has been a series of people saying hi and me holding a long conversation all the while trying to recall who they are where theyre from and how they know me bruh it's like a real life puzzle fun but dangerous cause i'd never ask WHO ARE YOU cause like they remember me and I dont remember them what loserity but thanks for saying hi regardless i'll try my best to find out your identities (literally not only in school like in public places and id hope he/she drop hints about where we met hahaha por favor)

Well then (01.50am)

According to sleep calculator I should sleep in 20 minutes time so lets make this quick
(Hahahahah as if)
I... didnt do my essay.
It was a multitude of issues clumped- ok fine, gently harassing me in sync (ok that doesnt sound any better) but most of all it's my procrastination issue
Whatever move on look forward do better ok
Ah I dont feel like talking now so i'll edit this post later.
May we all have a grand day ahead!
Goodnight

//edit//
05.53am

I think I slept between 2.30-3.30 but I got awakened due to vivid dreams hahahaha and I had to record them down in my dream analog it was everything from harmonix to malay dance to my smurf sisters to WWE basically weird but of course in the dream they were a perfect blend of events (so not true)
Dreams are weird
It's like the brain refreshing itself
K u just caused me an extra hour of sleep but it's ok because...
Spooky week on dnpgames has officially begun!

Yay progress but nay no progress too (01.02am)

AH crabmeat how can a human be simultaneously tired and not tired wonders of life
I know I say this everytime but rehearsal today was good and this time is really good!
Hahahaha we actually recorded a good round
When a group of passionate humans come together magic happens hahahha ok enough cheesiness
Let me share a story
I was ordering ban mian with belvy then the aunty asked if I wanted
"Black or soup?"
So I answered "Black"
But I immediately realised Black and Soup are not opposites of each other so I totally misheard her and without missing a beat I covered with "Yeah I meant dried"
Hahahahahah bastad la belvy and I couldnt stop laughing in front of the stall
I gotta rest, here's a to a more productive training ahead!
(Lol im using training and rehearsal and practice interchangably whatevs)

ps exerpt of the swahili language im learning heheh

pps the assignment i procrastinated is due tomorrow TOMORROW can i do it only time will tell you go girl

//edit//

18.40pm

HELP I WANT WITH A CAPITAL W A N T to do my essay but i physically cant like my head is heavy my fingers are heavy literally the whole 3 hours in class i felt so drunk and idk halp 

Eughh (02.19am)

Probably describes what im feeling internally
Spent the whole day resting but to no avail I feel like heat is trapped under my skin so like I either need to go swimming or spam cooling water
I cant sleep lol didnt even manage to take a nap today but here we are
Idk what to do
Wait till the 3am mark and then go blast my head with full on coldness 
But then i'll have to dry my hair
Ok nevermind hopefully it works hahah

In a world filled with dodgy people I appreciate rawness and genuine, honest people.
Let's all aim to be that person who lives unapologetically ourselves because the world does not need two of the same personalities

ps i miss these waffles ♡ hope theyre doing amazing and that we can catch up soonestest

//edit//

15.20pm

I shouldnt be in school i literally feel disguspink internally. Now i have to wait 3 hours for training to start, pls cry for me argentina.

Randomly took up Swahili on Duolingo just to see how the language looks like, and then I expected it to be hard and foreign but so far it's quite easy??? So exciting if I manage to learn it! 

Anyway I took a weird journey pretending to be an illegal person so literally sneaking everywhere pretending to be normal and I ended up at a place i've never been at and had never thought was connected to the building I was at.

Since I cant fathom the thought of walking anymore im just landing here until 5, whatever

Weird comforts (01.19am)

Blessings in the form of small things that makes you feel better when you never expected it.
I'd probably share it soon.
Anyway, fevers are okay, but when it's accompanied by flu and coughs it gets troublesome.
And idk where it came from
After I finished bathing and put on a shirt, there was oddly the sensation of medicated oil all around the neck area which is somewhat comforting
Idk where it came from (again) but it's the kind of thing you dont consciously think you need but you actually do
So whatever it is, thank you
My throat hurts lol due to internal heatiness but hopefully it cures fast, I have a lot of upcoming performances involving my whole being :')
And not to mention submissions and essays.
Insyaallah.
Here's to a productive (and healthier) day ahead

Coffee talk (01.22am)

Was watching Hi Ho kids as usual and one of the episodes the kid was like "ew coffee" and I just remembered that coffee wasnt always a part of our lives like it has always been an adult thing
I might even had disliked coffee (like black with sugar) as a kid
Always have loved nescafe though
And now im always in a mood for any kinds of coffee or like matcha lattes
It's a taste i'd describe as beautiful

//edit//
19.38pm

I went to training healthy and halfway suddenly got the flu what even
Not feeling good at all but whatever sacrifices lol jk what sacrifice
Currently otw to meet the harmonixers i thought i'd be earlier but i'll actually be on time lolz
Ok ew this train is too cold and it is too slow (hahaha what kind of human am I complaining nonsense)
K la bye

Ruuuude (02.51am)

Pretty sure I fell asleep before midnight but why am I awake
Had a really lovely (but very tiring omg) day at the zoo with the family for along's (and chiqa's) birthdays
I just have this simultaneous intense love for animals but also couldnt help thinking if it was our responsibility at all to take care of them?
Like are humans just nice enough to decide to adopt some of them and making it their cause to protect these species, can we imagine life whereby we just coexist and just treat animals like another race and not an entirely different species
So cool but im glad we live in a world where humans takes care of animals (even though they're so equipped to survive on their own)
And Zoos are always a debatable thing- whether it's great that they're held in captive or is the welfare not worth their deprivation of free roaming.
I guess this is a thought for individual minds.

A few fun things I did/learnt in a weird order my brain decided to put them

- Inuka, our only polar bear left is 27 years old; 2 years above the average lifespan of a polar bear
- I can't say the word Falabella without an Italian accent (hahahaha can't yeah right)
- Elephant and I held a stick insect; I was shocked initially cause I expected some weight but it literally felt like someone putting a feather on your hand
- The lionness was in heat, meaning both lions were in their laziest mood they ignored the food thrown to them by the zookeepers
- Talking about zookeepers, it's still in one of my ambitions' list
- Oh no I didnt find out the giraffe's name but it's so dainty
- A few animals shared the name "Bella"
- Some other names I remember are Pasha (gorgeous white tiger I love it but it looked so lonely without omar), the elephant squad including Gambit (I remember Anusha too), Kayla and Simba the lions, The orang utans clique including Chomel, Pedro the intelligent sealion
- Overpriced. Overpriced. But you just somehow spend.
- We hired a trolley to put along's gigantic birthday present hahaha
- Pedro is too cool, im always impressed- I actually saw the trainer at KFC before the show catching up with her friends (who later was saboed as a volunteer) so friends if I dont get to be a zookeeper somehow one of you please be one
- Oh yes how did I not mention this earlier, we fed a Rhino called Nana! Quite scary though had to slide the carrot down the front of its face and push it right into its mouth which was biiiiig :O and muddy hehahah so cute
- Touched Bella and Candice the horses and chiqa fed some goats
- Oh there was this poll board where we were to vote on which endangered species were to get more portion of funds in saving efforts- between three animals (omg I cant recall I just remember orang utans.... is it elephant alamak will check again hahahha) and even though the orang utans were winning by like 20000 votes, it was so heartwarming to see that every single person I saw voting actually voted for all three :')
(also brings me to why we can think so unbiasedly regarding animals but not fellow humans hahahaha but then again people who love animals are usually kind people bless)
- But then along came a group of kids who just spammed any buttons they liked ahahais imagine if the decision was made by literal spam from kids
- Wait how could I not mention the main event; shammy surprising along with a loud rock happy birthday song, a (super delicious omg) salted caramel cake and a monster truck (aka the reason we had to rent a trolley) it went well hahahahah even though her hands were shaking while trying to light the candles- from where we were hiding, it was hilarious seeing mama try to divert along's attention by making him do different poses and take photo with the hippo statue hahahaha he even had to put his head in the hippo's mouth- it helped though we managed to sneak behind him to play the music
- Made friends with a couple of explorers while looking for camouflaged insects hahaha I loved it

Anyway, since we didnt cover the whole park this time round, it just means I have to go again soon!
Yayz

Ok I think my brain is in an awkward sleep-awake state so this post is filled with more queries than opinions which is nice dont try to analyze me por favor
I will try to get back to sleep it is 3.17am
Adeuuuu

New discoveries (02.40am)

Today......
Idk what time I slept yesterday but I snoozed my alarm twice bruh had to grab to school because the prof said there was gonna be a test
Turns out it was half an A4 sized paper with the label "Fun sheet #1"
And it was an open book quiz (more like class discussion) mannnnn luckily I like the class enough to forgive the unnecessary spending hahaha
We sang Edelweiss as a class hahahahaha splendid, what a way to spend a thursday afternoon!
Headed to coffeebean with chloe for our pre-dinner dinner while waiting for the CAC members' night.
When they introduced Harmonix as their 23rd member I got goosebumps omg like
I mean of course i'll always miss (and enjoy, actually) being the illegal gathering peaceful club hoboing by the roadsides but this has been one of our goals and it has come true- no more room shifting now hahahaha my first time since my MI days (being in non-sports cca means you're not taken care of but who the heck cares when youre having so much fun)
(mi's sports sucked btw everyone can agree i'll never get why they get such good treatment hahhaha not a hater just a truth-speaker)
(i know it's a common occurance like freaking worldwide so boooo)
(even in HSM!!!- curse you principal matsui)

Back on track, loved seeing people dress up according to theme- I was kinda halfway there like I didnt want to go full pyjamas but pjish enough to pass
Lynn started passing my belongings to hidaya and justine idek they trying to start a tuckshop probablemente hahah lozer man
Had a VP practice session afterwards where we tried out the new arrangement
Performance next week i cant even
I might have overused my vocal cords today hahaha bruh let me give my voice a breakkk (my voice a break oh yeah yeah)

Spent the going-home time revisiting memories with keichi and jorene via facebook memories and old blogs hahahahah nostalgic

Btw abg arul asked if I heard "demi lovato's new song" im like which one and he said "tell me you love me"
emergerd one does not simply come up to me asking if I "heard demi's new song" i'd probably have memorized the instrumentals by the time you heard it for the first time

Excited for later! Heheh may we all have a blessed day ahead!

ps happy 27th birthday along!!! so old yet so young heehahaheha ♡

pps dnp dropped a board game and i need to play it!!!!!!!!! my fav kind of boardgames- less strategy, more honesty (lol jk just wanted a catchphrase)

ppps they set this as my lockscreen ahahais

pppps i mean it, self, you should rest soon.

//edit//

20.34pm

The worst part about the zoo is when we have to leave 

Noooo (02.21am)

I cant sleep
Thought that phase was taking a break hahaha
Had an interesting deepavali
Went training which went well and then headed to goodman for rehearsal with the live music band
Everything went smoothly methinks
Then went bowling and I was like stunned at how weird the bowling ball feels cause it feels like such a long time since we last bowled???
Despite that, got a strike on my first shot psht nothing to worry about hahaha

I think I have 2 tests tomorrow I hope im wrong and there's just 1 but still
Have a lovely day ahead!

ps we got our new shirttttts! ASB represent (btw while taking a photo abg riz was like Ok guys give me contemp pose and I went straight for peace sign what does it say about me am i too cool i think so)

pps humans are so capable of easing their own lives idk why we dont do it

Brains are weird (01.02am)

I revealed to someone that I blog daily and she said "You have too much free time"
Hahah gurl it takes 10 mins I can do it right before I sleep or while im in the bus travelling it takes no time out of my day basically unless I do it as an activity for that day which sometimes happen
Ok whatever not important
Had a lovely day!

Met wardah in the morning so we were in coffee bean hoboing arguing about self-knowledge and emotivism and I suddenly uttered (as an example of statements with no moral truths duh) "Killing people is not bad" out loud and a few people turned to look at us
Hahahahaha bruh philo debates should not be in public places it attracts too much attention
Ok maybe it should be in public places

Went to HSS afterwards and hung out with lynn doing duolingo before she left for class but keichi and belv joined soon after
Had quite a productive session, our first ever external performance will be next week omg
Left earlier to pasir panjang for the october babies' birthday dinner
Food was good and the cake was great but the company was the best duhh

I feel like doing my assignment now
To the toyol who hid my class notes, please return it asap I demand it
Ok goodnight to normal people
Sweetdreams and have a fantabulous deepavali ahead!

//edit//

01.23am

OK I have to write this out demdem's documentary IS OUT ON YOUTUBE and I just need a few moments of emotional preparedness ok ready iM NOT ok be still my heart lets do this (I just know there will be tears but)

3

2

1

#SimplyComplicated 

//edit//

02.56am

So there I was right after blogging the first entry above and thinking; I can't sleep but what can I do and of course my demdems heard me and uploaded right on time 

Bruh emotional roller coaster ??? Im inspired and annoyed and sympathetic and happy and sad but most of all, I just want to give her a giant hug. Imagine being a human with millions of fans who would do anything for you, but still ending up in a lonely apartment at night. There truly is no such thing as a perfect life. Be reminded of this the next time you yearn to be something more than you are. 

One of the greatest takeaways from this is how it's worth it to be confrontational about things that matter; things that affects your life, and how a strong support system can get through even the most impossible human. Your time is too precious to sit around waiting for answers and things to happen. 

Also I always knew it but it's more apparent how similar yet different we are? Sounds weird I know but it's like she is me but more... portrayed. (Not the cursing please) 

(And wtheck she's such a perfectionist with her art thats why it's so great) Like she'll record a line and be like "Nah thats not it" when everyone else in the studio (including me pls) would be like "r u kidding me that was perfect" and she'd keep trying different stuff and then let us cue Oak saying: it's just varying degrees of perfection. True though. Hahahaha 

And then the precious times when she just knows she nailed it and she has that look on her face like Heck yes 

Ok time for me to rest, buenas noches once again

Progressive but could be better (01.30am)

Did I mention how the past 3 night i've been actually sleeping?
Sure I wake up at odd hours (freaking 20 minutes after I fell asleep, 2.02am, every 20 mins after that) but at least at the very miniscule least im getting more rest than the past month combined hahahaha k progress
Went to school today and met yol for dinner
Aka she's no longer interested in me as a person but as a tabloid gossip magazine if you may
Hahahah loser disguspink man

Went home and surprised chiqa with a cake she was sleeping heheh but now she's hyper
The cake was so nice!
Nutella hazelnut kinder bueno remix idek it was splendid
So to my dearest chiqatito petite, rasyipom, rashposh, zainab, whatever other names I bestowed upon you,
Happiest of birthdays our bundle of joy!
You're the best and i'll always love you for the times you bring us meds when we're sick, asking if we're okay, buying us snacks even though we didnt ask for any, and just being the thoughtful little angel you are.
I hope you continue blessing sunshine into all the lives you'll come across.
I'll never accept the fact that you are 8, but you are growing so healthily and lovely I have no complaints ♡
I love you to infinity and beyonddddd hahaha cliche but hashtag truth
Have a blessed day baby

As for us, I hope we have a great day too
Today would probably feel more holidayish than tomorrow ahahais but who's complaining we have rehearsal with live music
Meeting evokals (i missed them wth) and wardah-alwani later today insyaallah all goes smoothly!
Goodnight, sweetdreams!

Troubling (15.19pm)

Far from the super peaceful day I thought i'd be having but whatever, i'll survive.
The weekend was real tiring I had barely any time for other things but hey I survived well.
Next week will be pretty busy in spite of (actually probably because) it being Deepavali a holiday week.
Tomorrow is chiqatito petite's 8th birthday
I so emo that she's 8 but she is and will always be our baby ♡

I realise that it's okay to hustle for a long time and then take a break sometimes as opposed to having a very balanced lifestyle.
See some people dont understand that there are alternatives, this is why the "You only rest when you die" and the "I deserve a break" sometimes dont meld well together cause of their inability to see both sides.
Bruh if noone understands you it is okay, you try to understand them.

ps little big shots australia posted more today im so happy the kids are so phenomenal (every kid in the world is)

Learn to ease (16.47pm)

One word; shagggg

//edit//
18.09pm

Okay feeling better already hahah
Just finished 7 hours worth of training
Quite productive, learnt and finished our muara item in 2 hours ahahah
Revised 2 old repertoires and finally got to dance kain songket ayyy I didnt think i'd remember
I still have self-knowledge essay to do
Por favor give me energy and discipline plz
Tonight i'll try to rest and continue a bit before completing it tomorrow
Does a day at the library seem lovely or what ok it does bebehh

Better than nothing (02.56am)

Ayy I think I fell asleep before 1 but then I woke up at 2.30 why hhaahha
Got to be up in less than 3 hours so let me decide whether to go back to slumberland

//edit//
03.28am

Just watched tokti's live announcement of her pregnancy why you make me so emo in the morning T.T
All praises to Allah, may everything go smoothly- she honestly is blessed and has the prayers from millions of us.
I love you and I have immense respect for your ethics.
Team ct forevaaah ♡♡♡

Talking about ethics, I should probably start learning the dance steps for the performance later hahahahahaha

//edit//
23.39pm

Two things, I badly need a rest and seeing the reactions to siti's pregnancy is just so emoing everyone loves her and rightfully so D:
♡
Today was a lovely but really tiring day so ttyl

Bless you (14.53pm)

Some people are just rays of sunshine just by their kindness and inability to trouble people
I was late for my test today, and out of thousands of cab drivers I got what possibly is the slowest one ever :')
But it's ok I reached safely that's what matters
The professor is so nice idk whether it's a philosopher thing or a not-asian thing or it's just them but my philosophy professors tend to be more flexible than normal teachers which is great honestly a breath of fresh air after what I dealt with this past week
I couldnt do the test though hahaha self-learning symbols are not effective at all
But I solved 1 question idek if it was right but I solved it and I was so happy I ignored the other questions hahaha
He did say the test was hard and i wouldnt call it hard, I would call it foreign cause bruh you miss 1 lesson and you miss 50 marks hahaha
Planned to lunch in solitary but as I was buying food a fellow philosopher jioed me to lunch with her and chris so bless
Ended up talking about life and it's always great listening to new perspectives and priorities!
Ok I shall make my way to the central and then decide my next step
Have a great day ahead!
Okay I should either go home or make my way to town

//edit//
21.46pm

Missed both my buses by like 3 seconds hahaha but whatever I aint running for any buses
Just finished a meetup with voix and resonance, quite productive ah hahaha
I just remembered I have a performance tomorrow noon and guys it's a new item which I havent even seen how it looks like whatmore heard the song or even learnt the steps
Btw I woke up at 5 today alarmless I think my body clock felt foreign being asleep at that timing hahaha yes for the first time in a few weeks I was asleep between 1-4am
I hope to at least do the first 2 parts of my self-knowledge essay by tonight
Actually did my first reading of the year while waiting for the meeting just now haha good job
Okay I need to go home and learn my steps for tomorrow and do my essay it's ok the night is still young

//edit//
23.25pm

JUST HEARD THAT SEAWEED SHAKER FRIES IS COMING BACK LIKE TOMORROW YAYYYY

Good day (01.11am)

Sometimes you dont want to jinx something by overmentioning but I cant help it, harmonix sessions are good sessions
Ok no jinxing cause I remember enjoying every single choir practice the whole 4 years so this is no difference hahah
Pre-training was wild because idky lynn was high but I joined in so it's okay hahah
It felt more... homely today because of the seniors' attendance it felt like the good old days aka last year hahaha
The juniors were given their permanent groupings today (throwback to evokals' reaction after finding out we were grouped together aka yay christmas gang but who the heck was imman and rabz but ok)
(Everyone turned out to be real gems though so it's great ♡)
Keichi and I were in the 2nd last 154 bus thinking of how grateful we were for evokals hahaha so yes I appreciate all of you in harmonix

Ok I'd say I will try to sleep but we all know it's a lie
Still, goodnight sweetdreams!

//edit//

I could've potentially slept an hour ago but idk what happened btw I just realised I have a testssignment tomorrow for voice class hahahahahah bruh we have to read out a passage for 2 minutes I havent even selected a passage 

ps look at this kalisto tributing reyrey and eddie i cant i miss them D: 

//edit//

12.41pm

Logic class went really well but my temperature shot up again what even why and how 

it's ok there's like 12 origlazed krispy kreme for 12$ today even if I cant go out and buy it the thought that that offer exists and that there are people out here with a dozen of the best things ever living life makes me happy enough hahahahaha ok time for lunch and then I should probably decide a passage for later's assignment lolz

//edit//

19.08pm

The day went well actually hahaha alhamdulillah. I watched a video about how this lady managed her time around prayers timing which is always the ideal but sometimes not easy to achieve. However in efforts of following that, you'll find that you just have time. (Ok i probably semi-cheated with my no sleep but anyone can do it too)

Voice assignment went weird cause I wasnt even reading off the passage hahahaha idk what nonsense but it was fun storytelling so it's ok

Surprisingly I went home and immediately began revisiting my old logic slides (technically I have a test tomorrow)

This is quite... enjoyable. Being on top of your game is enjoyable. There was a period of time where I had no control over schoolwork, so I took control over my outside life. As of now, my non-school schedule is spiralling out of control so I regain back (ugh how many 'control' must I use) the control over my very neglected school stuff 

I guess as long as you take charge of what you can and soldier on, things will eventually become eden. 

I hope to exhaust myself enough tonight to fall asleep and then have a grand start tomorrow. Will update on how it goes! I hope you're feeling inspired too, whoever reading (including you, me in the future) 

I put my heart first (00.42am)

After what felt like a long time, im back to feeling peculiar whenever someone thinks I care
Because that is the first step towards the literal carefree life I enjoyed in MI
Honestly, it's astounding how im even talking about this
Im not attuned with myself as of now
Truly need my solo outing soon

//edit//
06.13am

Chiqa woke up to the tooth fairy taking her tooth from under her pillow and replacing it with 4$ hahahaha bliss man these small things makes me proud to be a human
Now she cant stop smiling xD
Watched the last 15 mins of howell's livestream
Phil is so cute D:
I urge daniel howell to take good care of the little cheese cus we love him
But damn lame la the part when phil said "i ordered milkshakes and i cant wait to have them"
Dan was like "milkshakes you bought more than one-"
"Yeah I bought one for you too"
Duhh ok maybe not everyone is blessed with these kinds of humans in their lives but it's common courtesy to jio fooding man

I probably should not sleep
Shall I go out to cycle, do pilates, dance or are those bad ideas for a morning
Hahaha omg i think i might be an internal rebel whereby just like when it comes from others, once i start telling myself to do stuff i wont do it
It goes without much thoughts
Maybe thats an important realisation for future references let me test this theory out in life and get back

It will get grand (15.31pm)

Im considering teleporting to the opposite timezone of the world
Woke up to sushi and dimsum and after this I will begin on an essay
Literal months since i've last written a philosophy essay and im quite excited hahahaha
Ok have a great day!

//edit//
22.35pm

I have been quarantining myself the past three days
Tomorrow school resumes and I miss school already
I know I rant about assignments but I love lessons I love the whole sitting in class and listening thing
I'll try and sleep tonight so tomorrow's morning class will be more bearable (i've mentioned before, it's filled with unneeded stuff from others no thanks but I love Ancient philosophy)

Cant wait to feel like a 10 again

Self care (02.20am)

Sometimes overcoming something means looking it right in the eyes, understanding the feeling and getting used to it before we can even attempt to discard it.

//edit//
16.42pm

When just the mere thought of doing something troubles and disturbs you, not doing them might at time be the best decision you can make.
Living a burdenless life is achievable, sometimes not worth it but it is not impossible.

Im attempting to regain the quality of rebelness I think for dealing with unreasonable people, that truly is the way to go.

Pardon today's post, I slept at 10am and woke up at 4pm just to have nurse chiqa put wet cloth on my face and feed me meds then went back to sleep for another hour
Thank u mon bebe and mama yall are the best
♡
As for me, im trying to release my unnecessary burdens one by one (the fact that I use this phrase so often nowadays is not a good sign at all)
So please if anyone out there is dealing with trouble too, remember to have alone time, and take control of your life
We tend to think too much about consequences and forego the now but both can be of equal importance.
Make decisions for yourself sometimes okay
Sending great vibes to everyone!

First of all, why not (11.07am)

I dont understand why people make excuses that I can use a thousand times over
It's either I put people way before myself, or im just plain lazy to entertain the process of explaining and making people understand
Or id rather suffer (lol) in silence than burden them with whatever im doing
But most likely it's probably because i dont have time to use my brain space over thinking of consequences whatever man
I mean I can choose to do something and commit but life happens
Why am I even saying these hashtag not in the best state of mind but it'll get grander Insyaallah!

Anyway, eventful day yesterday. Performed for a wedding at Gurame and it rained superrr heavily but it made the view so nice and the vibes so informal I loved it! (talking about weddings should I go to the doctor because I didnt eat the whole of yesterday again wtheck im worried for myself it's ok if this persists for a week- which is 3 more days, i'll run to the doctor.... or google whichever's convenient hahahah)

Then I was supposed to meet jorene but the train man omg the trains all terminated at AMK and it was almost 8pm and she was at Changi and I was at Admiralty. Since she wasnt planning on staying any longer anyways, I headed straight to SMU and luckily abg arul was going to laselle so before grab prices could surge we grabbed there.

I knew I wanted coffee and tried the new cold brew from starbucks but bruh I paid 8$ for a coffee that doesnt taste as good as homemade one hahaha waste time but it was nice enough but I wouldnt have bought it if not for the giftcard I got. Whatevs.

Played boardgames and besides the usual favourites we played saboteur which im growing to enjoy actually (have broke through the frustration of being confused over which cards to use) and Pandemic which was really fun when they began the game I thought I was gonna be a passive player and not use my brain since everyone was thinking but naturally the problem solvingness tried to emerge and wallah we won by cheating hahahahahhaha who cHEATS when theyre against the board wtheck worth it though

Ok im not feeling the best like I said and I have assignments due tonight and just please talk to my hand 

ps what satisfaction do you get in life from being so critical of others man some people needs to learn to calm down and let loose why stress over things you have no control over 

Probablemente (03.16am)

Sleeping should probably be my current activity but whatevs
Had a good night earlier on, with evokals for cherry's party
We stood one corner just to write a birthday card and warm up to sing.
As per her request we performed We Are Young hahahahaha omg so impromptu but the company was supportive and there were lots of cameras pointing our way
We first combined the first bass line with Happy birthday she was shook hahahaha her face was priceless
Hung out awhile at macs afterwards before riding home with keichi whom everyone thinks is pregnant now cause he was offered a seat in the train hahahah I cant even
Fred and imman were acting drunk it was funny and contagious
This is a very bland-written post but ok you know what should I do my online mod now since I probably will fall asleep at 7am
Ok I will try

ps im finally regaining my appetite slowly kind of still forcing but it's returning yay thank god food is great

Sudden realisation (01.26am)

I visited my blog on browser and was like WHY IS MY BLOG TITLE HOT MOFOS WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN
ok fine mofos are aliens but why hot??? which heat source provided me with this url??
Bruh i've been using this url for 7 years and ive never questioned it
Wont change it but still hahahah why
Ok I need need need-
Ah i was gonna say i need to do my assignments but I already know I probably wont do them anyways
At least not anytime soon
Note to self: keep trying youre just too used to eureka moments which dont usually come

//edit//
18.23pm

Isnt it beautiful that Allah provides us with rain, and makes it a prime time for prayers?
Currently otw to cheryl's birthday party, cant remember the last time I went to one.
Omg I went to more weddings than birthday parties this year
Btw this rain is the perfect one to play in but im dressed up disguspink man

Inspiration always comes after spooky hours (04.19am)

I mean im friends with every hour of the day so there's no spooky hour
I suddenly feel like playing drums ive never had that feeling before hahahah do you think if I werent a student I would be a professional jack of all trades and then my life works towards being a master of all
Because I think so
The last time I even played a drum was in primary school hahahaha but idk I think after doing rebanas (malay drums) and beatboxing, drums suddenly seem more appealing
I know i've always wanted to play guitar but it hurts my fingers (I mean can I skip to the part where my fingers can glide over them like effortlessly huh what do u mean I have to practice that sounds offensive hahaha jk the work put behind every art is respectable)
I just think everyone should think of life as a playground where nothing is out of bounds (IN A GOOD WAY pls follow universal moral code)
And sometimes you dont have to be the best in what you do but it's a cool thing to strive for anyways

Okay what do I have to do today
Oh right, 3 assignments before friday
A performance and countless of deals made with the weirdest activities
Let's slay life together, Insyaallah

ps like a lot of them including undertaker, kane, viscera, boogeyman, papa shango, and bruh the champion of creeps; good ole Paul bearer- he was truly nightmare

//edit//

23.42pm

It's getting stronger (worse or better it's not my place to tell) but today I fell asleep at 8pm and woke up an hour later. 8pm. Yesterday was 8am but today my brain pushed for another 12 hours and even then I had to force myself to nap because I didnt feel sleepy

And I dont understand I havent eaten in 2 days but im not hungry at all? I googled what it could be and (I know it's a bad idea) but it said it's either anemia or im in love hahahahah theory debunked cause it's definitely not the latter and I sure hope it's not the former

You know what im just gonna blame it on my period that's normal right wait why am I putting forth my health-related issues here k bye last episode of this hahaha 

pps let us end buscrimination people always defend their lateness with MRT breakdowns as a valid reason HELLO jams in expressways are also unpredictable (accidents happen) so stop telling me to leave home earlier (ok noone tells me this now but still) I know my routes and timings, but stuff still happen

How weird self-branding is

Yesterday we had a short talk about how we act different around different people which to me is not a bad thing (of course there'll always be that nagging question if you're actually being yourself, if all those different characters are you- but I guess not defining yourself is sometimes not a bad thing to do)
And then there were comments about how difficult I am to read which was weird because I was half happy about that fact yet super perplexed because for someone who wears her heart on her sleeves, (ew cliche line hahaha) what's there not to see?
It's either im controlling what's visible or I have grown accustomed to the branding i've held since... idk my MI years?
Like I don't remember being this reserved in secondary school (which doesnt feel far away, but also long ago enough)

I think my point is that, if my current friends saw me in the past, i'd think they'd like me better
But if they decide to judge me as this heartless, emotionless, dispassionate person in the first place,
It's not really my loss.
It's just... wasted because i'd have been proud to be the person I was.
Maybe deep inside im still the same person, it'd just take a trigger for that side to make a return.
For now, im happy being a full time gangsta
I just want people to know that that is not what my totality is comprised of.

Ayy unnecessary emo in the morning k I didnt proofread this so ignore mistakes ya gracias

Feels like (03.41am)

Sometimes a day begins weird and ends lovely.
Harmonix is always fun, today extra cool because the VPs kinda completed the skeleton of our side project which went so well im proud
Shoutout to our old mentor ian who doesnt want to perform with us pshhh
My sopranos were also really independent they deserve credit man
Ended the night with a meeting (aka me interfering for no reason hahahah) and then suddenly farouq announced he bought a new board game so rarely wild daya suggested a stayback
That we did until we finally left school at 2.30 lolz why else would I be in school for more than 12 hours if not cca and fun
It was funnn i love our (supposedly warm-ups) games
Still need a Scrabble or a Likewise session though I still owe myself a mind cafe trip
Daya went wild after a while and chloe became extra emotional ahahais so precious I had to run away because it physically hurt to laugh that much over nothing
(Daya's new song chancellor was a hit only for me hahahahah it reminds me of Court's flexiplan song mashed up with the bassline of santa claus is coming to town, I love it)

Okay obviously course journal is still untouched
Dance tomorrow night I might skip it if I suddenly become responsible enough to want to do my assignment idk
See my mood hahaha
Buenas noches!
♡

ps i forgot what my title is referring to

pps this makes me feel feels oh phil

Take your time and appreciate (02.12am)

Hi i did it again, i just agreed to 3 things that i shouldnt have, seeing the number of datelines looming over me hahahah
October is such a funky month, it's both holidayish and busyish cause it's almost end of semester
Whatever man
I had fun today although idk why I grabbed to school (????) so unnecessary but ada hikmah cause right as I entered the room they were finishing their soloist training
Christmas crash course was productive, lucky sops got mostly melodies so they literally finished 7/8 scores ahahais overachievers
I still have this alto yearns in me so I shall proceed to learn their parts too (or shall I say, our part since im part alto- sounds like merlion part fish part lion but im a altop or sopalto whatever sounds cooler)
Went off with the beatboxers and we began working on our showcase item (AKA DREAM COME TRUE cus firstly beatboxing secondly ive always imagined doing demdems' Instructions and we're actually doing it)
Ended the day with a short stick to the status quo jam session which was splendid I love it
And then an improv game in the train hahahah

I tried to start on the course journal but my brain told me "this is easy u can finish in 2 hours do it later"
See, unnecessary burden again hahahaha
It's ok
Remind me not to decide to nap at the time im supposed to leave the house hahahahaha
Although I got my much needed power nap it made me miss my lynn's vocal lesson
So either I sleep before 7am or I dont sleep at all
We'll see!

Adeu, have a pleasant day ahead!
(if not, just know that in the west side of singapore a group of kids are christmas carolling already and christmas is a joyous occasion so feel free to join us)

//edit//
03.44am

Be still my heart !!!!

(she even used our flag ahaais come back soon por favor) 

Unnecessary burdens (01.37am)

Bruh I was so on to complete my assignments and readings today and tomorrow when I realised... christmas crash course
Hahahahais looking forward but it also means crap my assignment due tomorrow is still untouched
I realise the less I sleep, the less food I need to survive which is the epitome of unhealthy but cool cus why is that a thing
Had a lovely day playing with babies and I was tired enough to nap in the grab but apparently that's just it
I have to be up early though crash course is in the afternoon
Perhaps I can do my assignment while carolling yep sounds like a solid plan
Buenas noches!

Intentions does not make your actions right

//edit//
02.23am

Ohh the rare times my bestfriend is awake at this timing ahahah thanks for entertaining each other

//edit//
04.21am

Bruh i was enjoying phil's new video 100/10 until dan made a kpop reference (????) wtheck mood spoiler but whatevs phil has a face i'd forgive ♡
10/10 content mi bebe I loved it hahahahah he looked gorg in every outfit (cheese dress though... ok la can also)
Such a beautiful person should have all the self-confidence in the world!
Let's go team philip

And again, and again, and AGAAAAAIN (02.06am)

Some things are just nice in theory but not... in reality.
Had a fun night on Friday for the Mid-autumn festival appreciation dinner at Gardens by the bay
They wasted so. much. food I was so annoyed???
Like whatever catering company that was, food was nice yes but seeing them throw away all the food like that was beyond painful.
Honestly, I have no respect for yall I dont care if it's company policy the food couldve fed 50 more humans what even some were even untouched.
Ok whatever we hung out near the stage we performed at and rewatched our performance videos while laughing at ourselves, especially the boys ah they were so hilarious and we couldnt really see them in action while performing so, thanks videographers hahahah
Walked to city hall and yep reached home late because we missed the last train (I TOLD ELEPHANT NOT TO TAKE TRAIN shouldve ignored her pls remind me to not listen to her)

Today was lepak like I wanted it to be, until Chiqa asked if we could go to the playground
And blablabla the karaoke place was full and so we just went for dupper which was nice while watching One FC which was literally like watching kids play wrestling lol most of the time they were locked up on the floor which was... okay thanks next item please.
Hahaha kidding I understand fighting but seriously I fight with my sister the same way and we dont use protection oK I shall stop insulting the sport I respect the sport
Hahahahaha ok why am I so offensive

Guys..... i'm tutoring math tomorrow (ok helping to revise but still, moth)
Internally dying at the thought of looking at numbers but for family's sake, I shall ignore the pain that comes with it
Hahahhah no im not being dramatic moth is just disguspink
I know I mentioned it before but my life has never been better now that I no longer have to do math omg guys I promise your dreamlife awaits you
Unless u like it which in that case I have two words for you..... (no not the DX one but can also it's appropriate hahahaha)
Ew, Why?
Ok I should rest
Buenas noches!
♡

ps was missing bondo a bit more than usual lately and one of the kids whatsapped me earlier today, thanks hunty I truly hope they're all doing great :')