I had learnt to think greyer, blacker and eventually alter the shade even darker.
I began channeling my energy negatively, the worse ways possible.
I began thinking of furthering the immersion, going all the way into the place where I can never fully recover from.
But i am fully aware, I am aware that this is not who I am.
I am aware how dangerous this immersion can be, how clingy it can be and how long it can linger.
Im aware of the blackest hand gripping on my ankles, afraid i'll leave the realm to go back to what once was.
To my self, to myself.
To the person who inspires herself,
To the heart that tries to be kind and keeps trying despite relapses.
To true happiness and genuine smiles.
And with these realisations,
I am aware that although I am beginning to take slow trudges away from the realm,
I keep two fingers held onto the darkness.
I know it's for the best but I dont really want to escape.
Sometimes realisation alone is not enough.