209 to goodbye

Hello!

So i'm 209- (actually 208 including this post) away from saying goodbye to this blog.

You've meant a lot to me.

From October of 2010, you've went through a lot.

You've been with me throughout secondary school.

You noticed my change in mindset.

You witnessed my graduation, the breaking and creating of friendships.

You've been there through the ups and the downs.

You're more than a listening ear, a ranting web.

You're a friend.

You were there when everyone else bailed on me.

You bring me calmness when everything felt wrong.

You are here and will still be here when I look back years down the road.

And that means a lot to me.

I guess those days I felt like nothing went right and i came here, inspiration came.

Making me a better person each day, learning from past mistakes.

Being able to laugh at myself every time I scroll down my archives.

And for that, I thank you.

Look at me, it's not even like 10 posts to goodbye and i'm already writing a thank you post.

HAHAHA.

It's okay you deserve the appreciation post.

Anyway, words cannot describe how much i miss secondary school.

To think that I will never experience that setting again kills me everytime.

Not being able to see the schoolmates who were once passing strangers.

Hell, not being able to avoid crossing paths with your old crush.

There is no going back, and while i regret nothing during the four years in there, I do wish I could've learnt more in the same amount of time.

I was surrounded by people.

People who moulded me unknowingly.

People who affected my decisions.

People whom I was forced to work with when I was at the lowest point in my life in 2011.

People whom I dearly appreciate now, even though we barely spoke two words to each other.

(random break thought: why am i so emo)

(random break thought's answer: i don't know)

Okay, I missed school just now because I overslept.

I feel like slapping myself but self harm is not cool.

Haha.

It's cool though I have kinder bueno beside me right now.

Guys I've been watching sappy love Malaysian and Indonesian movies these few days.

Why?

Don't ask me.

I dreamt about babyshark last night.

(i think it's weird how i throw around that name freely when I know it's the most obvious nickname ever)

(i'm so weird)

and in the dream we were friends.

Which felt really odd considering that I don't think we were ever like friends.

Whatever, put the past behind us.

Everyone of us has changed.

Some for the better, some took a turn down the wrong street.

But that's life.

God created a path for us, to reach a destination, a dream we were meant for.

But in the process, we as humans keep making the wrong turns.

But god, being the amazing creator he is, keep paving new ways for us, to reach that same destination we were meant for since the very beginning.

Every wrong turn brings a new path down a new road.

Some may be rough, others may be smooth.

But each step we take brings us closer to what we are meant to be.

We may question ourselves, "What's our purpose in life?"

And I think we live not only for ourselves.
We live to not only fulfill our ambitions and change the world.

We live to touch others.

(now now don't be a mood spoiler and think weirdly)

We live to impact others.

Be it a whole country, or a single person, that might be our purpose in life.

And I pray that all of us will get to reach our destination before our times are up.

Dreams will come true.

And you know it.

adeu ^^

Let the past go

HELLO!
I JUST REALISED THAT MY BLOG HAS NO ARCHIVES.
NOOOOOOKAY IM GONNA HAVE TO EDIT IT
AGAIN
T.T
ADEU

//EDITED MY ARCHIVES IS AT THE TITLE 'PAIN IS MORE TROUBLE THAN LOVE IS WORTH'
 I JUST PAISEHED MYSELF K BAI//

free yourself

Hello!

I got some people suggesting that i transform my blog into a specialised one.

like a beauty blog or something.

(that's what they said)

AND i got to admit i have thought of those.

except...

you know my blog is more like a diary kinda stuff.

like daily rants haha.

so i'm still considering.

in the meanwhile i leave you with this inspirational video from michelle phan.

enjoy and adeu ^^

starlight

hello.
so i saw him first thing in the morning at school.
and then i saw him again when i was walking to the library in the middle of the school day.
and then i saw him once more before i got home.
perfect timings uh?
hahaha so cheesy.

alright i don't know why i started the post with that.
pardon me and my messed up head.
couldn't think straight the whole day.
crushes, //sighs//

received news that my uncle was at johor and he suffered a heart attack or something,
and the local healthcare system was overall bad.
hello, a life is at stake here.
I will never understand the inefficiency.
Hopefully he gets well fast.
everyone is afraid that he might leave us because he had been acting strange lately.
but i believe.
god will answer our prayers and give him a chance to be more closer to Him and atoning for his sins and mistakes.
i believe.
god will be merciful.
in sha allah.
god is great.
amin.

"and at this point in time no physical pain can affect me because the emotional pain i'm going through is so much more bad"

ps fiesty turned shy, my oh my. not something i wanted

Go on

hello!
hehehe.
firstly you're allowed to boo me for ditching the 30 days photography challenge.
that's the third one i ditched!
i have a valid reason though, I lost my laptop charger.
"Again?"
yes, again.
boohoo!

anyway, school week was fine.
mostly because we got to dress down (or up) on thursday and friday in lieu of Be yourself day (BYD) and Racial harmony day (RHD).
i actually planned on dressing up for BYD but due to the lack of time and idea, i turned up murdered out.
no, not like i dressed up as a murderer or a zombie.
(though i wished i did)
murdered out means all black, hahaha.
and for RHD i grabbed a random cream coloured punjabi suit (or something like that)
catching up pretty well in studies but i gotta resume my daily revisions.
glad for the nice seniors in MI.

on thursday we went to iftar with the bahas 4PM mates.
//iftar is when we break fast//
it was pretty fun, no regrets going ;)
and on friday, went to the extra NDP practice.
drained!
and on saturday i followed mum to another iftar event at tampines.
slept at grandma's house that night and now i'm home.

sorry i can't make the events sound as interesting as they really were.
i told you before that i really dislike typing using iPad!

and yes it's 2am on a school night and the day i get to sleep in later is the day my body decided that it wasn't sleepy.
thanks brain.

planning to head down to IMM later to daiso to grab some stuff.
but i don't know who to go with.
which is considerably weird since usually (daily, actually) in secondary school, the mall was an everyday stop for us (me and yol and HF or anyone else) before going home.
and now i don't even have any malling buddy.
i mean i could ask syuh and naddie but they're probably busy/have their own plans/lazy.

my phone has been acting up after i placed it in a cup filled with water.
sorry bro, i didn't mean to.
please get well soon.
it's not that bad, just some temporary glitches here and there.

ps couldnt keep my head straight the whole weekend because my mind kept wandering nack to him. again, the only reason im willing to go to school is him.

the only good thing is seeing you

hello!
school resumes tomorrow, and let's just say i'm mixed feelinged.
mostly unexcited at all.
the early morning rush, the assembly, the boring lessons, the unfriendly faces, the boring breaks, the horrible teachers.
ouch.
i'm kinda nervous-excited, cause tomorrow onwards i'd be able to see him around school and confirm my feelings.
Whether it's a yay or a nay.
haha.
don't know how fasting month would be like in school though.
Back in CHR i had great company and we all played basketball during recess to kill time.
now, haha.
Am so unprepared.

anyway a dude tried to flirt with me today.
i know right, disturbing.
what's more disturbing is that we don't even know each other.
sorry bro, i gotta kick you to the curb
*unless you look like mick jagger*
*and take a polaroid picture*
//if you heard kesha's tik tok and demi's really don't care you'd understand//

okay guys!
will catch up on my photo challenge tomorrow!
adeu ^^

remember

hello!
remember how i told you that i would blog about my current crush aka the first after almost 3 years?
yeah, that, forget it.
hahaha.
because i'm not even sure if I'm really feeling this.
it's hard, you know.
Like we barely know each other.
and stupid cupid aimed straight for my heart.
//cheesiness ftw//
i don't even know why i like him,
//look at me//
//i said forget it//
//but im still doing it//
i don't even know his name.
(actually i do)
if you asked me to describe him in one word, it'll be; mesmerizing.
(never thought of that before but it suddenly popped)
if you asked me if i'll ever talk to him, it'll be not anytime soon.
i'm sorry, i don't understand where all these is coming from.
//that was totally a ripoff off nate reuss//
okay, like i said.
forget it :')

guys, i'm really sad that cory passed.
especially for lea.
and if you already guessed, my prev post was for her.
everyone needs something to relate to, at times like this.
it won't help in moving on, but it'll help you survive.
knowing that someone out there, understands exactly how you feel.
you know what's freaky?
(and it's not the first time this happened)
After a few months of not listening to glee music, I felt like doing so last night.
So i did.
I downloaded a few songs, just so i can have them on replay as i fall asleep.
So i was literally sleeping to cory's voice.
And that is why i'm most shocked when i woke up to the news of his passing.
(this happened during MJ's death too)
i just got to say RIP and no words can make lea or his family feel better.
no words can make his fans feel better.
no words at all.
he was a person who appreciates life.
though he had problems with drugs, he appreciated life's simplest joys.
but he left a great impact on us.
just remember,
"Cory <3's u"

ps he quoted 'nightingale' by demi lovato. killed me more

Lovers torn apart

A heartbreak is having a piece of your heart hanging by a loose thread, but a death is having that piece falling off.

It is most horrible to have your lover leave your side because of their passing away.
Does love become loved, or does it stay the same?

You never know and never will know what was in their mind all along.
You never know and will never know how sincere they were in opening up.
You never will know exactly how much they love you.

You will never be able to feel their touch again.
Hear the words only they can say to make you feel complete.
You will never feel those butterflies again.
The tingling sensation they leave on your skin.
It's like breaking up without the goodbye.

No more photos together.
No more dancing to your song.
No more movie nights, or late lunch dates.
No more weekend plans.
No more going over to their place.
No more anticipating their arrival.
No more dreams about travelling the world together.
No more talking about the future.
No more wedding plans.

Hell, no more fights.
No more tears.
No more making up.
No more fixing the broken relationship.
No more awkward silences.
No more painful silences.
You no longer have any choice.

And what's harder than losing them? Losing yourself.
They made you who you are today.
a part of them, incorporated into your soul.
And what's harder than losing them? The future.
Your next decision.

Guilt follows your every step after the tragic loss.
Love life becomes disastrous.
You don't want to move on, but everyone tells you to.
You don't want to move on, but it's the only right thing to do.
The relationship between you and his family becomes strained.
You are afraid to face them, afraid of what they would say about your next step.
You feel guilty if you fall in love with another.
You feel guilty, as if you had hurt them by moving on.
I know, it's easier said than done.
It's always easier said than done.
But you can never move on from him completely.
He left so abruptly, and your relationship is not even established.
You're neither a temporary partner nor one for life.

And even though you will move on one day,
there'll always be a space in your heart.
there'll always be that aching portion, begging to not be forgotten.
there'll always be a longing of his return.

imagine on your altar, when you finally get married.
you feel his presence.
overwhelming.
you see his smile.
you feel him around you.
approving, laughing.
happy for you.
happy that you moved on.
but still, the guilt wil never go away.
he loves you still, and you love him still.
forever isn't just a word;
forever is your promise.

Day 3: Photo of the cast from your favourite show/ Day 4: Photo of your night

Day 3) Sonny with a chance ftw xx
Day 4) Great day with family

lesson learnt

hello!
So while everyone else is aiming for a sub pass for the pretty hard maths paper, i'm aiming for 5 marks.
it wasn't that bad honestly, just that obviously I didn't study enough and properly.
So like my title says i totally learnt my lesson!
So queen cafe finally reunited and with ain too!
Me and syuh ditched ndp again cause of the exam.
we were so enthu to go but last minute.... :')
and so i went to mak yah's house to bukaaaaaa.
left her house around 10.30, and we entered sentosa to send along to work.
staff passes ftw!
pretty cool feeling, at that timing just entering sentosa cause usually I leave at that timing.
drove around after along alighted, and then we drove past east coast to geylang to check out the raya lights.
it was no wonder this year's decoration became a controversy!
it was pretty plain, mundane.
so not festive like.
so then we randomly stopped by some D-24 shop and ate a lot of durians.
the small kids were pretty into it xD
people who dislikes durians miss out on a lot of goodness i tell you.
and then we drove around some old, memorable places like the abandoned blocks near aljunied (hello grandmas house which is nearby)
and jalan ampas where the old filming studio was.
the adults told us stories about their childhood.
pretty dope night!
And then we headed home and reached around 1.30am.
thank you guys for the awesome day and night (minus the maths exam)
xoxo

ps collected 2 of my raya outfits! In love!

pps next post insight of a new guy i may or may not call a crush. It's been 2 years since i last had like a real crush so this is huge guys.

Photo challenge day 2: A photo of you and the person you have been close with awhile

Make it two people :)
i met them at orientation.
it was an unexpected friendship cause i was suffering from seriously severe tongue ulcer during the first two days.
I can't talk, it was so painful.
But then i felt like I needed to talk (talker for life, HAHA)
so we were having our break and was sitting with some people and i just asked them questions about themselves.
and the next day surprisingly we found ourselves waiting for each other when break came.
and then the next day.
and then the next.
and finally we're here.
sisters for life.
hahahah thank god for their friendship.
it has been amazing so far.
it's only been what, 5 months?
but it sure feels longer than that ;)

a friend

Being a friend is hard.
you have to be there for the other,
even when you don't know if they would do the same for you.
You have to be a listening ear,
even when your own problems are bugging you at night.
You have to give your time, attention and patience,
even though at times they neglect to understand your feelings and plight.
But that's the joy of being a friend.
you give and give, and expect nothing in return.
the day a friend returns your love as selflessly as you do,
that's a keeper.
A friend for life.
Let the friends you have now be the tactical tests to the future perfection.

Photo challenge day 1: Photo of yourself with 15 facts

#1 I am a Virgo

#2 I'm a little afraid of height (not that bad but still got a tinge of it)

#3 I have been formally in malay dance for 11 years now

#4 I dressed up as the undertaker to school in primary 5; it wasn't embarassing because I knew it would be a great memory, and it is

#5 I'm a pretty weird balance of violent and graceful

#6 I'm a very daring person, (not in the stupid way) that's why i'm great at truth or dare

#7 Crazy is a word that suits my personality; in a good way

#8 This might come as a surprise but I used to race and i was great at it. But I stopped in primary 3 after losing my favourite sprinting venue.

#9 I love sports but I dislike competitive sports. I prefer to play for fun

#10 I still have a lot of ambitions!

#11 I have never been in a relationship before (primary school days really don't count)

#12 I practise forgiving and forgetting and it's not hard at all if you are set for it

#13 I'm not very religious but i'm striving to become a better muslim

#14 I used to be friendlier than I am now

#15 I put family before friends any day.

simple challenge

hello!
so to occupy myself during ramadan i'm doing this blog challenge.
got a several downloaded, so i'm gonna start with the easiest one.

Lit and history paper earlier on.
kinda hellacious cause the prose was....
and the attempted revision during the 3 hour break which failed miserably.
ended up playing taboo with syuh.
hahaha.
was fun though.

actually contemplated of skipping maths paper.
but that would not do me justice.
and that is cowardly.
with or without a calculator i'm gonna do that shit.
I mean, there will still be simultaneous equations and ln/log which can atleast get me some marks instead of a 0 which i really know i don't deserve.
will be revising with syuh tomorrow since naddie wants to go raya shopping.

OH siti on radio :')
love her so much.

okay i'll choose the challenge now!
have a great 2nd day of ramadhan!
adeu ^^

ps was cold the whole day, feverish but am not going to acknowledge it

ramadhan morning

two years ago things were perfect.
all round the table i see faces,
trying their bests to stay awake.
to smile for the others.
a year ago we had less people.
two of them sitting at another place, together.
no longer trying to smile for the others.
right now this year, i'm alone at the table.
Not a single person around the table.
no longer a person to try to smile for the others.

i miss you, past.

Ramadhan 2013

hello!
pardon me for the previous emoness.
was practicing for an upcoming blog challenge i'm gonna start!
I will start by hopefully tomorrow or friday night.
(after i finish the dreaded maths paper)

So!
Ramadan is here!
//alhamdullilah//
May we have a blessed month, better than the last.
Ya allah may you grant us health and wellbeing, and strengthen our iman for ramadhan.
Amin ya rabbal alamin

Okay!
i'm pretty excited though!
I totally forgot to blog about saturday's first NDP full dress rehearsal!
There were audiences so it was like a pre-performance.
Next week onwards, NE shows!
I believe me and syuh can get through this, as did yol and nelly last year ;)

guys it's 1.37am.
i have to wake up at 4am for predawn meal.
and then I have 2 exam papers D:
History at 8.30am-10.30am
Literature at 1pm-2.30pm
and so after that I have a good 4 hours plus to break fast
//hehehe just sayin//
and both papers im only 17% prepared for.
Both papers are taught by horrible teachers who just doesnt help in classroom learning.
(not my fault I failed you guys in the student survey)
(didn't really fail you guys but I gave the most honest opinion I could)

anyway i miss 4E3 so dang much.
This time last year my classmates would be singing the fasting song for syafiq.
And guys, they sang it on twitter :')
really appreciate how they keep the stupidity of the class alive.
Makes me miss classroom moments times a zillion.
I'd really rather go through mrs yeo's talks and then mr chai's maths lessons followed by mr sng's history lesson and mrs rajakumar's english lesson than be in any of the classes i'm in right now.
the teachers pretty much suck :/
talentless compared to my secondary school shi fus.
haha okay i shall stop ranting.

If any of my blog posts offends any one of you out there, forgive me.
To make mistakes is human.
(that was totally a rip off from another quote, as you can tell from the grammar)
I would want to step into the holy month with no burdens.

ps guys i have received some blogging topics on tumblr's ask but i dont check there often so, use ask.fm!

What's hard?

Liking someone is hard.
You never know where their heart it.
You never know where their mind is.
At least, you think, if he don't have anyone in mind, you have a chance to court him.
to impress him.
cause that's what you've been doing your whole life.
impress to gain.
and then you think, has it got to be this way?
can't he just fall for you the way you fell for him, the way he is?

And then thoughts come flooding.
It's scary.
He could fall for someone so easily.
As easily, as unpredictably as you did.
This is scary because you never know when his feelings will last.
You stand nowhere in his heart.
And then he courts her.
He tries to impress her like you try to impress him.
But the difference?
He got the one he wanted.
Why wouldn't he?
He's perfect.
In your eyes, atleast.
And then comes the relationship.
It's scary.
It's scary because you never know how long they will last.
It's scary because you can't wish for them to be over, just like how you wish for your torture to be over.
You don't want to see two people so bonded at the heart, have to seperate because of your feelings for him.
And then you start to doubt.
If you even fell for him at all.
Or was it just a dumb crush?
You don't know, and you don't wish to figure it out.
Because you are scared of your own relevations.
You are scared of the truth.
The truth is you loved him, liked him enough to let him chase his happiness.
But not enough to grab his attention.
Grab his heart.
It's scary, because if they did last forever like he probably promised, you would have lost the love you wanted the most.

So from the day on,
you just get to see his beautiful face.
smiling, that beautiful smile that just creates nothing but pain.
The joy which inflicts sorrow.
You embrace every single time you caught his eye, even though deep down you know you're just a passing being.
You try to avoid from wasting another wish on him.
Wishing that he would open his eyes and see who you really are.
Wishing that he'd fall for you as hard as he fell for the other girl.
Wishing that what's never yours,
comes back to you.

assurance

Hello!
So let's start off by wishing my dear friend a happy happy 19th birthday!
(i never reveal her age anywhere else)
had an awesome day with birthday girl!
she got to see her dream man.
and karaoke with demi lovato
(half true)
hahaha.

anyway 2 queer things happened!

Firstly, we were at pastamania, and after one of the food came she took it and put like a lot of cheese and dried chilli.
So i was happily waiting for "my" food when i realised that the one she poured the stuff into was MY FOOD!
hahaha because we suddenly remembered that she ordered penny pasta instead of spag (which i too, had forgotten)

And then!
we went to grandlink and an indon man came and struck a convo with us, asking us to join him in his room.
obviously we didn't, so we walked to our room trying to get away from his royal annoyingness.
but he followed us and freaking SAT IN OUR ROOM!
me being the heck care person in these situations ignored him and asked syuh to came in but she didn't!
so when she finally decided to come in, she told him,
"Go away lah this is our room"
and he didnt budge.
and SYUH SCREAMED.
LIKE A REAL, LEGIT SCREAM!
so me being a great friend screamed along, when i realised something.
THE MICROPHONE WAS IN MY HAND!
so what did i do?
BINGO!
i screamed into the freaking microphone and that man ran out.
hahahahaha funny shit.
and all those happened in a mere 10 seconds frame!
(yes, insta vid material)
halfway, though, he sent some people to our room and a man legit walked in, see our TV and went away.
wah, idiots.
i think it's syuh's 19th charm.

hahaha anyway had great talks with syuh.
especially the one in pastamania!
bummed that naddie wasnt there, and that i missed muara.
cause the band thingy started quite late!
okay guys,
blog tomorrow okay!
adeu ^^

i can tell you this right now,
those people whom I call friends before,
i'm always here for them.
If one night you ever need someone to talk to and nobody is there for you, dial my number and i promise to answer.
i've never held grudges, much less hatred.

Fit in or stand out?

hello!
so today, amidst the uninteresting events happening, someone special came to singapore.

someone special who could it be?
this job's too big for you and me.
we need some help!
but never fear-o!
it looks like a job,
for higglytown heroes!

bahahaa i couldn't resist.
anyway it was Ronaldo!
yeah man, the nation was shook by his presence.
well not literally, but.
you should've seen the rants on social media complaining that revision sat in their way causing them to not be able to meet CR7 himself.
hahaha.

and WWE is at Japan!
i know right!
Can we faint now since they're in Asia!
so closeeee yet so faaar
(haven't i passed the test)

ahais pardon me for being so sing songy today.
i am motivated to study and mow the lawn of the istana but i can't push myself to execute whatever's going through my mind.
how?
why?
i don't know who has the answer.
hahahah.

mum's baking and i made a beautiful twist of the cheese omelette earlier on.
accidental recipes ftw.
i just threw in whatever was in my reach
(yes including the washing machine)
and wallah, a masterpiece.
Gordon ramsay ain't got nothing on me!
bahahaa.

okay!
i shall face the truth right now.
the beeeeeeautiful little history notebook of mine
(which if I listen to it closely, it's kinda begging me to just toss it to one side)
hahaha.
alrighty!
adeu ^^

ps pardon me for using 'bahaha' twice i just felt like it has a nice ring to it. bahaha (thrice now)

New start

hello!
so the beautiful june holidays are now over and thus, back to school.
i know, i know, we wished we had summer break four times a year.
hahaha so here's just random updates
1) Baby sister started nursery two days ago!
2) Literature exam just now
3) Been way too active on twitter than I should, i must cut down.

okay the last one was just to make it 3 points, pardon moi.
I need topics to blog about, suggestions?
ask.fm/unsteriorey or go to my tumblr and ask there.
anyway as you can see my tagboard had been replaced with ask.fm cause there's like spams.
hahaha so happy there's no school for the next two days.
meaning; revision and relaxation!
what i'm really not looking for is the normal school afterwards.
Bleah!
Okay I should go, it's 2.01am.
adeu ^^