20.23pm

Just woke up from a 90 minutes nap 

It's new year's eve!

Im very thankful for 2022, I did myself justice by leaving a 9-5 

Alhamdulillah for everything

My January 2023 calendar is already filled with rezeki :')

Patiently awaiting for dinner which has been waiting for us in the other room

19.28pm

Im literally crossing the road but I just am here to say

Food is never worth their prices hahahahaha k bye

Also how is it second last day of the year

Ive been a terrible blogger but I am having a lot of fun chasing my dreams

05.38am

Had a wholesome day after a last minute rehearsearl at 10pm and then sleepover for a morning carolling session

Too cute

14.44pm

Bruh why is Old enough always making me emotional and proud of kids lolol 

I know Alfie is just 1.5 years old but I think can make him run errands already heheh

19.34pm

When it is time to wait, you must wait

- Haruki Murakami

The rain reflects my brain 

Jk not sad just a lot of thoughts

Actually not even a lot of thoughts only one thought hahahaha

But im quieting it 

Holiday season always feels nice

It really does feel different when youre not on a timetable or a 9-5 cause it doesnt feel much different???

This time last year I felt the yoloness kick in so despite working, it felt like I could do life anyhow during this season cause Who works during the holidays

But now in a funny twist of events im like When am i gonna work next cmon

Very interesting

I miss Hariz already and I just saw him yesterday maybe I should just go and see him again but it's so rainy ugh

+==edit==+

20.23pm

I confirm have dessert phases bruh 

Past few weeks is just biscoff cheesecake

Today suddenly I want origlazed so I guess time to hunt for krispy kreme (fake news as if i'll go out just to buy food) 

01.54am

I hear people screaming so I guess world cup final is over

Lol 

09.13am

Third time watching Siti's concert, first time sitting with people I know

Please lah, she is so mesmerizing and amazing and all things great

But it's so frustrating as a musician when she does something so impressive like clean register changes and effortless belts and dynamics but people dont see how impressive it is because she is ALWAYS. THAT. GOOD.

The venue wasnt fit for my diva but of course being the superstar she is, she still made it her turf

She is so good at entertaining her fans, interacting and talking to us

It's a bond that took decades to form but so worth it cause everyone loves siti

People travelling from sg (technically nearest to the concert venue but the hours of traffic so call us dedicated please thank you), even indonesia, sabah, sarawak and I wont be surprised if even farther

Surprisingly, I think cause it's a given now that Tokti concert I go, it feels like going to my bff's house 

So I wear pyjamas, and enjoy the show

Ok la, I should rest more 

20.54pm

Just taking a moment to myself

My instinct was to start packing right as I got home from a 12 hour shoot

While my brain was starting to pick out clothes my body was like Let's rest for a while before packing

Was dreading the long shoot (with an unnecessarily long payment term wtheck) but I survived it anyway so yay to me

Omg right as I typed that I remembered I have BISCOFF CHEESECAKE waiting for me in the fridge!!!

For once I actually have it within reach 

Let me just lie down and watch a bit of old gmm before (excitedly!) packing

Just like I was on the fence yesterday about the shoot today, im also second guessing tomorrow's event job 

Why is it so cold everytime

Lol no link 

K bye 

10.48am

The difference between us is I dont go out of my way to intentionally hurt people

12.14pm

I am literally a tenor e.a.r.l is literally 3 tenors 1 sop and 1 bass lolol 

Aka im trying to pick out mitch's part but all I hear is the scott line 

10.06am

I reckon that counts as a good rest

Crashed before 12am and woke up at 4am and 6am and finally 9am

Im just very very glad that today's agenda starts at 1.30pm and not in the AMs 

And the place is walking distance from home (though i'll probably take bus lolol 1 stop away) 

And then face painting at night which I havent done in years???

Let me embrace my alone time for the next 3 hours 

11.10am

God does not give us immunity from tragedy, but peace in it- C.S Lewis

What a lovely quote though no relation to what im currently doing whatsoever

3 back to back event jobs today

I so got this

08.53am

If only life was as simple as god directly protecting from people with bad intentions

He knows best ultimately

Merry December (13.07pm)

Can we believe we're officially on holiday month of 2022!

I dont even want to begin processing the year or time but I just want to say

Cold weather and me are not friends at all

I feel so miserable lolol my body is not happy with the cold breeze and lack of warmth

Zzz

02.51am

What even why am I not asleep I have a morning calltime

Thankfully shoot place is central 

Trying to have a purely-wallet wallet after I think almost a decade of a more... practical pouch which has my wallet and belongings 

I already dont like having to carry a separate bag but we'll see

+==edit==+

04.57am

Dang it I went from having potentially 9 hours of sleep to 2.5 hours 

+==edit==+

14.41pm

I wished Demi saw her value

Random but im listening to her duet with ariana grande and demdems voice is still my favourite

Come back my love!!! I will be right here waiting for you

+==edit==+

22.17pm

Happy places are real

I have been thinking about how much I miss vivo and sentosa and today I accidentally on purpose ended up at vivo

Needless to say I am happy

19.38pm

I want to reward myself with cheesecake but swee heng is so far away from my house

01.24am

Alhamdulillah we survived today

I thought I wont have energy to even bring myself home, and then to even eat, and then to even wash up

But one step at a time and I even had energy to feed Aryan and put him back to sleep (actually little beby was already fast asleep)

I had quite an eventful and honestly, fulfilling despite the super exhaustion and lack of food consumage 

Another long day ahead, but it's for baby aryan so i will push myself

Ok bye

01.04am

I thought i'd be asleep by 11pm

I was about to

And then I thought about what makeup to do later tonight and now im too excited to sleep 

Gotta be up in 5 hours, a long eventful weekend ahead

Bismillah!

13.35pm

You don't have to be considerate,

But why wouldn't you?

When youve gone through life this far with others' considerations?

This is why in Islam it not only matters your personal journey and spirituality, it's how you treat others too.

We all have our personal challenges and it's up to us to deal with them in our own ways

There is a very fine line between self preservation and straight up self indulgent (I wanna use the word selfishness but apparently it shouldnt be a bad word- i disagree. Selfishness and putting one's self first is a separate concept despite seemingly meaning the same)

Im exhausted.

Snoozed my alarm dk how many times

Supposed to have an appointment at 1pm, then 2pm, then 5pm

But I dont have energy to get up so I might forego the first two or attempt to postpone them

I also havent eaten since last night and I am excited to eat

p.s. white people commenting on world cup's politics are so ignorant lol 

p.p.s i felt real anger yesterday (the last time i felt it was like 7, 8? years ago when someone left my mum and sister at the batam ferry on their own because theyre dumb) because someone shared with me a story of how his little sister got molested while working my blood literally boiled man if I was there when it happened... I could finally punch someone for the first time 

p.p.p.s it was very interesting cause as I felt myself getting angry my brain was like "Oh wow youre ACTUALLY mad!!!?" Hahaha rationality > impulsiveness when it comes to negative feelings always 

08.21am

What business do I have waking up at 8am the day after claiming to miss Sentosa 

I do miss going on weekly hikes

To get the ball rolling again feels not easy

Days like these I want to have the rock's work ethic and self-discipline and the worst part is I know it's entirely possible and entirely up to me

But for now, me drinking a cup of water right after waking up, and doing light stretches will do (in addition to saying Hm @ the gloomy weather)

No matter how much I bluek at the taste

(I can still taste it 🤢)

+==edit==+

09.05am

And which hellish neighbour of mine is playing music SO LOUDLY at this timing

Idiotbox I hope someone knocks on your door cant u wait at least 11am

+==edit==+

23.29pm

Absolutely knackered at a last minute job I was tricked into doing lol but 

Very grateful because Allah eased my affairs

I am hungry but tired so iced coffee and lying down session ahead

00.40am

Just settled down from the day

Had a long and unpresent day cause my mind was somewhere else 

The evening shoot was annoyingly tiring

My ryde even cancelled on me cause the stupid ryde gps and inability to SEND PICTURES (???!!!) meant the driver was given the WRONG directions but also he so slenge go follow the gps when it's obviously wrong daheck

Thankfully gotten another one- a lady who actually tried harder to find me 

Im exhausted

Havent eaten the whole day except snacks and drank only 1/4 of a tiny bottle of water 

Now im hungry but my eyes are dry

No link 

I'll probably make myself iced coffee and do my skincare and crash for the night

If... I even have energy for either

May tomorrow be a bigger brighter better day 

You want peace, you get peace.

+==edit==+

14.48pm

When's...the....last time I went to sentosa

I miss u 

19.40pm

Everytime I see anything about gulab jamun I want it

Dang it 

01.05am

The day was equally peaceful and lonely

I feel like the one thing that can turn it around is biscoff cheesecake from swee heng

Why is swee heng not 24 hours

Anyway a long day ahead 

As usual im just excited to play makeup 

Bismillah for the week ahead!

Another week of playing hard (and working hard I guess)

16.22pm

Everytime I make my schedule filled with back to back activities I realise I never slot in eating time lol snacks are important and yummy

03.59am

Long day ahead

May my affairs be eased

At least theyre all things I want to do 

Nothing to complain about

Wished my body didnt think that setting my alarm any 2 digit numbers means I dont have to fall asleep early 

16.33pm

Allahuakhbar.

His promises ring true.

Ive always known it but when he shows it immediately you cant help but weep and laud gratefulness

Alhamdulillah for everything

I can only pray I be a useful member of not only my family, but the community i'm in 

Ease my affairs dear god

12.50pm

Still surprises me at this age people specifically singaporeans dont know that 'Chicken rice' doesnt mean Halal 

Lolol issokay happy to educate

05.21am

Had a really long day, (literally 22 hours being outside) but somehow now after getting in bed, im not tired

Maybe because I spent the day doing things I love, around good vibes and ended it with people I love (over heated and then very silent board games)

Alhamdulillah for today

Best part is, I actually have an entire Sunday off 

Wont be surprised if I woke up at like 9am 

22.43pm

I have a full day ahead, gotta leave home by 6am 

Morning shoot but thankfully nearby home alhamdulillah

Rehearsearl and then watch Muara

Quite exciting (im mostly excited to put on makeup lolol)

I shant force my body to sleep but... if can that'd be great lol 

Merry November (10.47am)

Expansion. Joy. Progress.

Leading with heart.

Life has been sweeter since the little one arrived in our arms.

Of course, we look at life through a totally new and different set of eyes

Everything is intriguing

The way the baby moves, or makes a tiny sound, is enchanting

Leading with heart more than the brain.

I shall keep going

November is good, it's opportunities and courage

22.43pm

Alhamdulillah Ya Allah

Blessings after blessings, I'm most thankful

Never thought i'd fall in love again so quickly but my nephew came into this world while I was in KL with bestoe and family

I miss him right after getting home from seeing him

Grow strong and healthy, baby boy

Your many many aunties, uncles, grandmas, grandpas, great grandmas and great grandpas are all here to love and nurture you forevermore

I love you and already cannot wait to see you again!

Also Alfie called me aunty unpromptedly a few times today

Why u grow so big baby!!!! Now you abang already 

Makes me miss Fahri so much too

So much to blog about but for now, just know ive had a really fun and blessed week 

02.34am

Im in KL

My baby nephew is born

So much things to digest but i should sleep

Gotta get on the road by 730am 

02.12am

Happy 32nd birthday Along!! ♡

Still cant believe I have facebook posts wishing his birthday of him aged YOUNGER than me NOW social media is so weird

I have to leave home in about 4 hours so I dont know how.. I can fall asleep 

Best case scenario I fall asleep shortly after posting this

If not we'll see ahaha hopefully the scene goes well and easy and comfortable

Bismillah

00.50am

Left home for work at 9.15pm and got back via production cab and now am back and washed 

Dream life or what lol 

Alhamdulillah for all opportunities

Tonight someone said I "have the air stewardess look"

First of all HAHAHA kelakar

Second of all does that mean I have customer service face cause eww not interested just cause I lazy entertain humans (great at it, but lazy)

My gangster branding overrules them all

My contacts have been so dry the whole night so im relieved to finally give my eyes a break

01.58am

Kinda relieved that tomorrow my work is nighttime

I feel unstoppable right now

+==edit==+

10.11am

So funny I never have zoom meetings but today I have two!

One down, one to go but in the evening so time to resume rest 

+==edit==+

14.58pm

Me: does things that people can consider crazy 

Me to me: why u do that

Me to me: what is life without yolo policy 

Me to me: ok true go on 

00.53am

Hate the stupid media industry for perpetuating the stupid ideal beauty standard

Cue Singapore production houses;

1) I just saw a post casting for CHILDREN- and their criteria, even BEFORE the age, was "Good looking". WHAT IN THE TOYOL what the heck ??????? How is it even REMOTELY okay to judge kids by the way they look in accordance to your BACKWARDS beauty standards???

2) Payment for caucasians/chinese/korean/japanese are almost always significantly more than others- this another utter bullshit. If everyone is feeding what the big boy hollywood would want, we will NEVER grow as an artistic society

Eh Singapore, you are blessed with a multicultural society- lead the world into a better place instead of being losers

So annoying especially the children part

I hate it with my entire being, everyone deserves to feel beautiful

It hurts my heart whenever anyone around me speaks less of themselves

Kinda annoying also actually

Like who in the heck says you need to compare yourself with anyone????

+==edit==+

01.23am

I was so emotional so many times at the convocation today

I think cause I was literally among dream chasers

Most of them wouldnt have been crazy enough to get arts education in Singapore if they didnt believe in dreams coming true

05.47am

Two things

Firstly, had an annoying-people filled morning but had a literal there's always light in the darkest of time moment I will share later and it changed my whole day and my day went well

Secondly, just finished rewatching the Thai cave rescue for the 2nd time and I cried more than the first time lol really well done netflix if you could do more this and less of the korean shows maybe i'd check you out more

May Allah ease all our affairs and protect us with his grace

Insyaallah amin

05.15am

Here i was at 430am thinking wow I am so well rested I slept so well only woke up once at 230am 

Then I realised I didnt fall asleep at 9 or even 10pm

I slept barely 3 hours hello body 

Thankfully my morning shift got pushed to noon 

23.49pm

Was dreading work but once I got there it was fine but now im home I dread it again for tomorrow

At least I know it'll be all good when it comes down to it

I miss having back to back shoots already!!!

22.43pm

We are safely home!

Alhamdulillah for the trip

My heart is very full 

I only bought two things- a cute cute cute cup with lid and a RM1 floral headband hehe

Also got a massage with mama just cause we got tired of walking around while waiting for elephant wona to finish doing her hair

(ksl why u no have malay warungs for us to sit down drink kopi)

Journey back was smooth alhamdulillah

Jam was bad to enter JB custom we were stuck in the car for (almost?) an hour? 

But the actual clearance and link bridge and SG custom were all smooth and empty 

K brb let me get unready

02.15am

I should be sleeping

Currently in Johor, after more than 3 years :')

So grateful and excited and happy

Alhamdulillah

In the same apartment complex as the last time I was here with Hmx 

So much has changed since then- we're all working adults now which I believe is a bluek

I am not gonna be emo

Im excited for the class tomorrow

Im thankful for family 

I should rest wei I have to be out by 830am but thankfully dont need to makeup to go out heheh

Not that I ever HAVE to but 

Ok, I accidentally got a 5 mins nap and now I dont know how im gonna convince my body to rest 

06.28am

Oh wow body clock you are silly

Must be just nice rem cycle phased out

11.41am

Yesterday I had work at 11, and sis struggled to get up at 9am even though I slept at like 2am

This morning I slept much later and what did my body do on the day I dont have work?

Wake up at 9am so fresh and ready to begin the day

I swear it's just rebelling against work

Which yes I know why am I still doing things I dont like

It's short term for sure

05.39am

Got up to document my dreams but the worst part bout that is the amount of typos cus my brain works faster than my just awakened and not ready to function body

Like right now

I have 3 more hours to sleep why am I awake

Merry October (06.06am)

I havent blogged in so long I forgot my format (tried to type the date in the title lol)

I worked 9am-7pm just now and basically crashed like 10pm-6am lolol 

Just now's shoot location was so cold and then it also rained outside which made the room more chilly

Even when we're done and I was walking to the bus stop the air was freeeezing

Had a last minute shoot (literally called the night before) but thankful for that

The lead actress bought everyone mr coconut shake bless her heart 

Woke up with a dead phone and of course the one day I sleep early I get so many messages at night

When I cant sleep noone messages me please

17.47pm

Blogging didnt even cross my mind and then suddenly it's the last day of September

Everything was going well, and then I asked for strength

And then I lost 3 job opportunities back to back

I guess be careful what you ask for hahaha

But, I am thankful for everything that has and will 

Im a little tired from making decisions and spending time with people who dont really appreciate 

I hate corporate world so dont come near me

I just want to crash a bit but also im not ready to take a break from hustling

09.29am

See!!!

Hazrul got 2nd place last night

Once his nerves are controlled it was easy guess that he'd move up the ranks

Now Fuad's turn lolol 

Anyway im just laughing to myself at the malaysian fans calling him teddy bear i mean not wrong but sorry you are officially Hazrul 'teddy bear' Nizam now

So funny this is how monickers are created

02.54am

Of course the day I have a calltime at 8.45am is the day im fresher than a cucumber

May we all have a blessed weekend insyaallah

Should I eat dinner now

Lolol 

+==edit==+

12.46pm

Im almost home, after working in the morning

Office hours cant relate

(I know it's Saturday but still... hahah)

Now im torn between napping before rehearsearl or just going out to seize the day 

I do what I want okay

Heh alhamdulillah for today, I met so many familiar faces and met new people too

I even took public transport and reached 1 minute earlier than calltime okay despite sleeping in (I even got iced coffee while doing makeup)

Thank you for easing my affairs Ya Allah

May I always be someone who does the same for people around me 

+==edit==+

21.59pm

K I always see netizens slam our national footballers in fb comment sections so im like isit they critical cant be that bad what

Then I watched the livestream of the match tonight and im like ??? what are they doing 

Like are you just conserving energy cause it's just a friendly 

Then we watch for what better u all play on your own closed setting ahaha 

I thought we were on a roll what is this lol but it's ok lucky I find the concept of many people chasing 1 tiny ball funny

Ridiculously, calltime is 7.15AM tomorrow

My heart is abit excited cause the shoot will be in SRT- where HMX had our Remembrance concert im not gonna cry or scream but I know it will be cold

I just chopped off a bit of my hair lol and then of course immediately regretted it but the last time I did it, my hair grew so fast!!! I was so excited so it better happen again

Gotta make myself rest soon honestly my only concern is my eyes being too dry for contacts

Ok bye

02.09am

Travelled a total of 3 hours to NTU for a 50 mins work

Mama was right, not worth it hahaha but to me just now I was like eh it's still better than sitting at home

Now im physically tired for no good reason but wow my extrovert side came out strong

Calltime tomorrow changed from 8.45am to 11.45am so im very thankful and grateful though I CANNOT find the black dress I was so set on wearing dang it

Did I mention I got my passport yes I did hehehe

I was tired since midnight but was encouraged to eat dinner so I ate dinner at 1am so im tired but with energy 

What am I even saying k bye la

10.58am

Yes 12pm is not early but when you factor in travel time and getting ready, it's basically 10am

+==edit==1

12.24pm

I. Got. My. Passport!!!

After more than 2 years of procrastination (great call on my part, everyone was forcing me to renew my passport in January 2020 but I kept saying wait wait and I really waited 2 years lolol) 

It only took me 5 mins of sitting down before they called my name

In total, I spent 9 mins in the ICA building (cause the signs were misleading) 

So yes going back home now for food

I can literally go eat lunch in Johor nothing is stopping me

00.24am

The turntables

My body is currently like Ok we are abit tired let's try and sleep

My brain says But sleep is so boring

Lol

06.55am

I have a calltime in 49 mins but I cant drag myself out of bed

Only two days of cat nap nights

The thought of putting on contacts is just

Blearghhh 

+==edit==+

11.51am

Alhamdulillah I did it, currently back in my pjs and in bed once more 

Wrapped 75 minutes earlier which is great cause my feet were dying lol ok not complainin my job is easy 

Ready to crash so im just unwinding now

02.17am

Me all these while: wah why scott nvr release single siar his voice so amazing

Scott: releases his debut single

Me: oi no go back to ptx

01.20am

Everytime a doubter speaks to me in my left ear, the universe speaks louder in my right

Thank you for this faith and courage I do take it for granted sometimes but I will always find fire within me

Watched Air force just now

Surprised that I actually enjoyed it!

Cus I dont like action movies zz whatmore military lol but great job Malaysia, I had to remind myself this was not on a normal level, to have a movie about the AIR FORCE dang the shots were muy bien

Also I thought there'd be more scha but nooo but loved seeing her on screen anyway 

Mat kilau i mean lejen is indeed legendary hehe

Ok bye um i dunno i enjoyed it and proud of the malaysian industry

Wait for meee 

+==edit==+

04.08am

Yes @ malaysia; normalise married couples being love interests on screen!!!!!

Much more sweeter and palatable when theyre real life husbands and wives i cri 

+==edit==+

14.33pm

99% of the time I dont like being reminded of my age, cause age is just a number im forever young and young at heart yada yada 

But that 1%.

That 1% wants to remind everyone that I. AM. 2...5 6 fine 

Literally too old to not be trusted

That 1% wants to remind everyone-

Let me fly 

Let me make mistakes and be crazy

Soon i'll be 30, and you all will sooner ask about settling down and starting a family, and we'll get to it when we get to it

But for now,

Why don't you WANT me to enjoy my youth?

You know what (totally unrelated)

I havent felt sleepy, in fact I was so fresh I proceeded to have breakfast at 9am to just start my day

I forced myself to sleep between 12-2pm cause I have a last minute online casting (idk why I even thought I needed the sleep but I know me I guess)

Please, I only got 20 minutes of sleep at best ahahah

Now my eyes are finally feeling heavy and it's almost 3pm

Maybe another hour nap and then start my day

+==edit==+

15.36pm

Sometimes I do things and a small voice in my head says (in a Gabriella voice) ; you're crazy wildcat

But I love feeling that way!!!!!

I love doing things that even I raise my brows at after the fact

(Like how I used the phrase after the fact)

K bye lol so active blogging sleep dont want 

07.42am

Umm how come im not even sleepy

Good i guess

03.26am

That one day crash is a fluke 

But at least im awake fully and not sleeping and waking up thirty times throughout the night

00.45am

Abang long fadil 3 really reset my entire mood man 

THANK YOU 

I wished I could live in this high and light always

+==edit==+

01.44am

Taking advantage of this high by crossing of things from my to do list

Me everytime I do something: You are so brave girl wow that was great

I love it ahahaha

+==edit==+

15.18pm

I feel like just going to watch abang long fadil again and just laugh like crazy in the theatre ahhaaha

Also so funny someone shared a punchline by jep "My mum is so funny... she's the only person who makes doughnuts without the hole"

I love comedian's brains

(It my brain)

04.23am

When I tell you I crashed probably around 930pm

Grateful I only woke up probably twice but barely and managed to go right back to sleep

Feels like it's been a week straight of non existent rest so this was a great miracle

K bye

+==edit==+

15.58pm

My reflex when people ask my age is to say 23

Pandemic years really were fake for all of us yeah no ofens

+==edit==+

23.20pm

Heart is full

Thanks to my bestoes (yol + jozan)

Heheh thank you for forever making us laugh until we almost faint

02.59am

Tonight the grab wait was real

Darn you clubbers 

Waited almost 2 hours but the surge was continuous

In the end gave up and booked cab

It cost 15.80$ with promo code but no thanks to nets admin fee it's 16.10$

Usually grab is 10.80$... ouch

Apparently the meter itself is 9.35$ but midnight and booking charge 

Anyway it's 3am and I have a calltime at 9am

Not even gonna try to sleep 

No idea what time the shoot ends but here's hoping a surprisingly quick one

I sometimes dislike going someplace to do hair makeup and wardrobe cause it means going earlier for no good reason (i.e. i can get ready myself)

But if the calltime is 9am im happy i dont have to get ready myself

Also I anyhow bought a niacinamide serum and I realise it's actually working??? Lol i guess it has to seeing the ingredients but like what a lucky random buy 

Ok buenas noches (funnily enough my brain always prefer buenos noches and buenas dias I guess cause same vowels) 

+==edit==+

08.01am

Man I think I fell asleep at 5am

And then woke up an hour later :-)))

Noped and then slumbered again

And then didnt hear my alarms but of course I woke up from people smsing me lol thank you yol and mama

Still contemplating between bus or grab

If I grab means I have time to coffee and breakfast

If I dont do those then I can take bus 

We'll see

01.44am

Was sleepy at 10pm so im like wow thats great I have to be up in the morning and I have a full day ahead

So I forced myself to rest

Oh I managed to fall asleep somehow which was a miracle

And then I literally. Woke. Up. Every. 20. Minutes

So now I just give up trying lol no forcing anymore bro

+==edit==+

11.28am

Rough night but at least I got 3 hours of sleep 

Not me suddenly binge watching dnp and then WHILE im watching danyul just uploads a video with pilester 

At a shoot and of course just waiting 

I should run a business so im working while im waiting

But what can I sell

HAHAHAH so not a business minded person I dont even like capitalism 

K bye

00.54am

Referring to my 8th June 2022 post, the only reason I miss blogging days is cause I lost track of time and day

Ahahaha 

Anyway im barely into my 2nd month of officially being a freelancer and ive done 16 projects

It's way more than ive ever anticipated but the best part is im only just beginning

Cant say enough how happy I am to be on my own schedule 

It's definitely not easy especially in this baby stages but I only have good thoughts, feelings and perceptions about it 

Alhamdulillah and I am motivated to work even harder

+==edit==+

14.03pm

Rough night as usual lol keep waking up for no reasons

But have vivid dreams which is fun sometimes

Did I mention I caught the livestream of Sentosa's 50th birthday and it made me want to go hahaha

I can go like now but like don't really feel like going out

Supposed to be the first in Singapore to watch Abang long fadil ahaha

Im excited and cant wait jozan wait for me

Also im not very tolerant of people this past week like my understanding self is taking a break and now im just like "meh whatever do what makes you happy" to everyone

It's just passing though deep inside im still assuming the best and trying to see things from their pov and blablabla

Which planet is doing renegade now 

Lolol (mercury i think) 

23.57pm

Finally got my SIM card changed

What even

Anyway im between time and places since turning 26

Cool whozzy xmas-new year kinda feeling

New beginnings and exciting things ahead

03.52am

Body clock is very undecided

Fell asleep 9am-3pm and then 8pm-9pm

Thankfully work is at 3pm later l

Merry September (08.09am)

Isit im back to morning birdness

01.37am

Last night Eighteen chefs surprised me 

Usually theyre not my go to, it's always someone else's choice

Only once have I truly liked their food (usually it's mediocre) but last night was yum!!! 

Like i will go again kind of yum

+==edit==+

09.27am

Cant remember the last time I woke up early and didnt keep going back to sleep 

Forced myself to read some stories and actually managed to stay awake

Dont even know what time I fell asleep actually 

23.06pm

Hoping for miracles, but also working towards them

17.27pm

Birthweek feels kinda surreal I feel like im existing between times and worlds

Happy birthday my ms green tea orton, love you forever and always (can you believe we've known each other for almost 20 YEARS. 18 years now but what the heckie) ♡

06.17am

K this what happens when you procrastinate processing

Wild dreams (including hmx x harry potter) 

Measuring daya's 3m long chargers and umbridge spoiling mood

And waking up every hour 

Lolol but too sleepy to play phone for long

01.15am

Oh I had a beautiful day

Still havent managed to sit down and reply all messages from sweet people

Half of me is trying to process the day and the other half wants to live in the high a while longer

And I support that half more

p.s. um i swear she's looking at my camera HAHA luv u tokti ♡

i. am. birthed (00.34am)

Happy birthday to me!

My biggest issue currently is that my phone has no memory omg I need to clear it in case I really do see tokti later

00.01am

How is it my birthday eve already

Ahhh!!!!!!!!!

+==edit==+

23.39pm

Literally 21 mins until-

Cant even comprehend man no comprendo

I dont even want to think about it like usually naturally self reflection but I kinda dont feel like thinking and feeling things

I just wanna see my tokti from afar and not think about others first for One. Day.

But knowing me... lol aint gonna happen (dont worry it's not lack of boundaries nor am I a people's pleaser I just feel some obligations)

My heart gotta stop wanting things that dont want me that's the big issue

I want to be by the beach

(I was at the beach today for like 2 hours, and titi surprised me with cake!!! Yummy and major happy place ♡)

Over the weekend I met north pole and they surprised me and eatgo with kunafe as our cakes hehehe so officially 2 cakes 

I want more cakes I will eat them all 

K bye 

Tokti tomorrow wave at me okay 

06.55am

Currently not feeling the best, but trying hard to not let it get to me

Let a girl enjoy her birthweek even if it's by herself 

I can take pain but doesnt mean I want to

+==edit==+

18.03pm

When it rains, it pours

+==edit==+

23.35pm

How am I starting my birthweek sad and troubled

This is not cool

Im trying everything I can to get out of this but it's a slippery slope I keep falling into

Really hoping for a better night, and for tomorrow to be better too. 

I simply hate having a heart sometimes 

06.03am

After a biphasal sleep night, a shoot that overran for 3 more hours, and grab debacles,

I crashed from 7.30pm-4am lol 

I guess happy for my cells and body hahaha

03.55am

Have to be up in 3 hours 

Instincts are strong and thriving yet here I am testing limits lol

+==edit==+

08.38am

Annoying morning thus far

It must only go up from here

Ugh. 

22.58pm

My busiest, quite exciting week thus far is also my potential pms week lol but all is good only sometimes sad for no reason (got reason, HORMONES) and tired but both can be handled alhamdulillah

Tomorrow's calltime is 8.45am which is fine and dandy ive had 730am calltime

But... it's at the west area

Dangit 

But it's okay

I should try to sleep soon but I literally crashed for 3 hours in the afternoon lol after the focus group discussion

Which was fun as always

01.05am

Please tell me why im laughing out loud over a miranda sings' video at 1am

It's We dont talk about Bruno Ballad version when everyone sings at the end freakin colleen thank you for making me joyful

+==edit==1

02.29am

Watching old, actually edited vlogs of mine and very shocked at my nails length present me totally cant relate I cant remember the last time I had even remotely long nails eeeek now I trim so regularly like a proper human 

Cant believe i got shook at such a small thing ahaha

But also dangit @ past me for not editing vlogs for...over 4 years now 

Do u know HOW MUCH RAW FOOTAGE I HAVE

Then now when i got mood + time + motivation, my laptop is broken

Thanks eh

+==edit==+

05.00am

Me when my body doesnt feel right the rare occassions: Googles pms symptoms

Me: ah, that makes sense

I cant sleep and hungry and literally carbs and proteins are needed to regulate hormones

Eek since when u so high maintainence dear body but ok fine i will eat something i guess

+==edit==+

07.13am

Havent eaten but as per usual when i ignore my needs it goes away (not permanently okay just out of pure laziness and procrastination please respect your bodies and listen to its needs okay)

Dont know how tonight turned out to be a sleepless one but not complaining

How did I ever EVER do office hours for almost 2 months straight that's too crazy and gross 

(Coming from someone who can work literally days and days non stop when it comes to things I love) 

21.55pm

Me have been missing my vivo for some time and finally went today hehe

+==edit==+

22.42pm

So I always sing nonsense

And now im hearing my mum singing nonsense to chiqa and she's just uncontrollably laughing

I wonder if my grandma also sings nonsense, maybe it is a generational thing hahahaha

Poor chiqa has to be our audience (or should I say she is LUCKY and BLESSED) 

Hahahahaha

+==edit==+

23.58pm

Me watching a horror movie at the cinema today: wonders how i'd play each roles / choosing which roles most fun to play / imagining the crew behind the camera / wondering how long the actors sat in makeup and wardrobe

Hahahaha I love it also one part so funny cause the character running and each ghosts appearing at like every few steps and im like If that was me and Along we will be oblivious if we never wear contact lens

Lolol ok not a challenge just trying to make it lighthearted okay (cus happened to Along irl actually once not the many2 ghosts but one but it was so funny how poor eyesight is a good thing in this case I guess) 

Ok bye no talk about this

Mentos spearmint is best

23.34pm

Grateful, greatful

23.48pm

Spent today in different meanings of warmth

23.42pm

Every month I debate whether to continue youtube premium 

Hate that I need it kinda

Ughh 

02.01am

I wonder how kfc would taste with coke

It sounds like an abomination and wrong

+==edit==+

16.57pm

Easy to take blessings for granted

Ya Allah make me amongst those who always remember you, in good and in bad

In pain and in joy 

You really have given so much and I will always be grateful

What I can do is continue working with amanah and sincerity, and ease others' affairs when I can

Bless my journey 

+==edit==+

17.20pm

Tell me why both the front and back of my house has renovation going on lol cant escape the noise

Looks like imma have to not be at home so much until it's done ahaha jk but... eek

22.54pm

Refuse to think and feel thus a peaceful day

22.38pm

Feliz cumpleaños my homeland

Was nice to be around crowd

Despite the trouble, it's always better than social distancing

21.02pm

Wait what the

I thought I missed ONE day of blogging

I'll update you later

Today was empty empty and tried a frozen corndog which was yumz 

19.50pm

Mama just cooked and i cant tell if im hungry or not

But also bestoe surprised me with krispy kreme cus I having fever (NO THANK U COLD WEATHER) due to the cold weather as always

So funny I heard a man's voice outside my door but ignored it and then yol messaged to ask if i got something

Totally lifted my spirit and of course it's one of the rare times I feel loved (lolol fake emoness) ♡

Especially cause I mentioned in passing that I was craving doughnuts (kk specifically of course origlazed is superior) so for a total goldfish who dont remember things, this was unexpected and very appreciated muehe 

Still happy about our reunion and excited to be experiencing more cool things together even though she kakak office and im the exact opposite lol opposites attract confirmed

Excited for a singy weekend ahead

00.50am

Of course conveniently the one day of the week I have to get up before 6am I am not asleep by 9pm 

Excuse urself @ me

+==edit==+

08.29am

Current hobby: pointing out red flags ironically

Person: walks fast

Me: thats a red flag

Hahaha anyway 

I did not expect an outdoor shoot today 

At least there's fan, wifi and seats

I was gonna say something I frogot

Oh ya

I kept waking up throughout the night omgosh

At least once every 2 hours 

Didnt end up taking bus as planned, took stupid cab which I couldve sworn I boycotted already

Gojek high demand was 14 (and i had vouchers)

Cab was freakin 13.60

What was supposed to be a definitely <10 ride is pfft

Hate u cabs from grab

18.30pm

I have a 730am calltime tomorrow

Thankfully it's near home wew 

Had a lovely day yesterday

Oxtail soup and thrift shopping, and then fake pulut hitam pie (the inside barely contained anything wtheck lucky plaza) 

Honestly I am enjoying this freelance life more than anything but I do think I can afford to hustle abit more, not just career wise but also living life wise 

Like I could be out for more sunshine

August is beautiful.

13.14pm

Dang it man

Just listening to stephanie harlowe after so long and just

Child abusers and sexual predators deserve the worst things in life 

What the hell is abusing your child long term and then throwing your child in the trashcan????? And then reporting it to the police with lies in hopes of not getting persecuted

No words i dont even want to talk about it my heart is angry

Merry August (10.30am)

Buenos dias

Feeling quite blessed for gig opportunities im getting even though it's all minor, it's a great start

Took falling asleep easily the past few nights for granted cause last night had trouble sleeping but thankfully it wasnt that long 

Had a lovely sunday, and rehearsearl always rejuvenates me

Throwback to two weeks ago when me and doya were so exhausted but got recharged ironically from spending unnecessary energy making noise hehe obviously NOT unnecessary

Even got to eat cake for doya's belated birthday, baked by her cousin wew super yuMz it was a ferrero rocher cake (cue momo saying I dont want the heart) (he didnt want the slice of cake with a tiny heart on it HAHAHA)

I just saw a weird looking thing on mama's plate and put one in my mouth

So delicious HAHAHA it's like char kuay stuffed with beef??? Idk but

Why am I blogging I have to get ready

Also I started this post at like 10.20 and now it's 10.47am cause I ended up making coffee halfway 

Not even important news 

Lol ok bye have an amazing day 

20.38pm

Slept 5 hours past my sleepy time aka new bedtime aka 9pm but still woke up at like 6

Morning birdie 

Ended up sleeping over bestoe's house cause of course her ibu and ayah was like U dont go back late just sleep here

Had a lovely time karaokeing for 5 hours, watching bad indonesian horror movies which actually WERENT THAT BAD surprisingly wew

And of course doing nothing together

She even cooked breakfast for dinner lol 

Thankfully got a grab home alhamdulillah so now im crashed back home

My bedtime is soon 

08.51am

Ohayo 

Third night getting 7 hours of sleep

I guess body clock shifting again

No wonder I was so sleepy during last night's shoot lol that is not okay

But yay @ mornings!

+==edit==+

11.27am

Yo sis wanted to go out but so lazy to get ready and then it just started raining

Lol okay fine

(Right after i typed ^ THE RAIN STOPPED?!)

Cmon no give me mixed signals

Okay it's back 

Hahaha I shall just eat nuggets for brunch and be happy

07.20am

Ay buenos dias

I think I got almost 9 hours of sleep, despite waking up every 2 hours 

Got up at 6 for coffee and breakfast

Im on track for a hiking morning but we all know what happened the last time I went hiking lol ok fake news no trauma here

Anyway

I have a shoot at 6pm later hahhaa tis my new fav part time job

Should I go out im very tempted to 

Ok let me just check forecast

I think 30% probability of me going out

+==edit==+

11.12am

So far im just having fun at home

Anyway cant imagine the pressure steph and hhh must be feeling right now taking over their dad

Everyone has such high hopes and expectations eek

+==edit==+

12.46pm

Kinda need to go karaoke and scream Remember december

13.58pm

After a super hibernaty day yesterday, im so fresh today I cant believe it's not even 2pm yet 

Macs breakfast, Reyrey's 20th year in WWE (why is he SO CUTE I love) and...

Happy blessed 73rd birthday to my cute nenek ♡

Love you with all my heart and soul, thank you for all youve done and is continuing to do cause you're a badass trooper like that

May Allah keep you in health, wealth and lots of love and light hehe and lots of energy cause you must tolerate more upcoming cicits!!!

Had the best. weekend.

Alhamdulillah

Though I did waste 15$ to travel for revonix on Saturday morning (cause end up the whole club performed so didnt need me anyway pfft)

But whatever that was quickly forgotten once I made my way to parkway parade

Went gift shopping while being very exhausted (i was ready to nap in the tent along and anga pitched at 9am) but once I reached, pak yus' family was there so of course no sleep for me lol 

Hid inside my tent (!!!! cleaning it up is a total hassle but yay at me finally owning my own tent im so happy and excited and yay) and blew balloons that I didnt even use hahaha but it's ok the kids loved playing with it

Followed anga to fetch mama ele and nenek before going back to east coast where more people arrived

Our dreams came true to create a neighbourhood of tents- we had 6 tents in a circle and a barbeque pit to ourselves

Played monkey ball in the sea- our fav game, really

Did a gender reveal and saw people cry tears of joy

Played games

Tried to nap at 6am

Jumped into the sea at 730am and stayed in there until 3pm

Exhaustedly packed and alhamdulillah, everything went well

I had a blast and want to do it again (as do all of us hahahaa)

Alfie and Ayden together is a dream 

Eating BBQ food under the sunshine and wind all whilst wet from taking a swimming break is probably one of life's best feelings

I even took a nap while waiting for lunch, and after changing cause it suddenly started raining heavily

It was only a 15 mins nap or less but I felt like we slept for so long it was so cozy oh my gosh

The whole time it was so windy and sunny, with short rain breaks which we didnt mind at all (only that it made clean up slower and messier but whatever)

Ok I cant rave enough

Thank you everyone for making it happen

I love my family!!!!!!! 

04.27am

Who knew the way for me to finally get 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep was weeks of sleepless nights and then 8 straight hours of swimming in the ocean

20.19am

Tired, actually sleepy, but no surprises that I dont just get to crash as soon as my head hits the pillow

01.38am

People who don't fight for their worth to be seen, 

You win at life, I promise.

+==edit==+

02.51am

Such a consistently non sleeper that an hour ago I was too tired so I decided to just sleep with makeup on cause i'll wake up in an hour or two for no reason anyway 

Here we are barely an hour ago I was in deep REM sleep please but woke up twice already ahaha 

Gotta finish packing and be up in 5 hours

And then I have to perform a song in 7 hours followed by a family camp slash yet another sleepless night over the weekend

Excited, exhausted, and pushing myself through it cause good job train for world tours lets go

+==edit==+

06.31am

Dang it my alarm is gonna ring in an hour and i cant fall asleep 

Another performance with no sleep looks like

02.46am

Ok why did I for any semblance of seconds thought I would get good or any rest tonight 

Ahahaha 

+==edit==+

03.05am

My weekend was not updated here but

Sat: Went hiking with yol after 2 sleepless nights (I got a 20 mins nap though) and walked the totally opposite direction from our intention but it's ok cause there are no accidents (master oogway)

We both felt the pain at the same time (8km mark, which is so weird to me cause I never get tired walking long distance, ever) (but also the answer revealed itself to me: my period came while I was walking thankful for spidey senses but yes it explains the double exhaustion) and so we called it quits at bukit merah 

Took the first bus to anywhere (after stubbornly trying to fight traffic) and ended up at plaza sing where we had kfc for breakfast! 

And then this toyol went shopping and my tiredness just got worse so she kindly booked us a grab to her place where I crashed for 2 hours 

Woke up and watched Kaithi and Vikram (I kept falling asleep and waking up even after eating dinner and my whole body was aching like crazy) 

Got a grab home at 11.15pm just to find out my whole family was at the BEACH pfft shouldve stayed longer but grab was rarely low demand and yol was dying (not a night owl) 

Got home and basically crashed, woke up in the morning but crashed again

Got woken up by Wona for rehearsearl (FIRST TIME EVER) and like I said, will only get up for that 

Before that Chiqatito wanted to treat us corndogs so we went to gr.id for that and then walked to SMU

Of course, rehearsearl recharges me!!!

We had corndog together and sang and sang and then had dinner where they all claimed wona's kway teow was spicy but not even pfft hahahahaha

And then headed to NTU on a Monday morning for convocation gig rehearsal, im covering someone's part and like I have never heard the song prior to this but alhamdulillah I should be great to go 

It was stated to be 10am-4pm but it ended at noon, and I was so excited to go home and continue resting BUT suddenly got cherie session (my first in 2.5 years!!!) so we had to stay till 6.30pm

I literally napped for 3 hours in a lecture theatre and woke up feeling still tired but survivable

Thankfully miss chai sent me home cause I was wondering how I was gonna crawl home in that state D:

Got 6 hours of sleep that night

Tuesday I did nothing, woke up real early and got breakfast

Feeling much better than Monday

So today is the gig, I have to be in school at 8.30am

Do you know how ridiculous 8.30am is at NTU

How did I make it to 2 8.30am classes (I mean literally 2 classes, out of like 12- and only because they were tests HAHAHAHA) 

(Ok the answer is grab)

Trying not to grab later but if my body wants abit of rest I wont resist

Im just excited to play with makeup

Also I had so many gigs in my time with NTU that it was easy to take for granted (especially the 2? 3? /see i dont even remember/ convocation gigs ive done)

So this is a very welcomed comeback opportunity

Wished I was with earl hehehe

Ok would be amazing if I could fall asleep by 4 to get my 2 hours power nap 

If not... it's ok la huh this is just how we are 

+==edit==+

04.12am

I see this is how it's going to be 

Lolol OK I want a snack hmph I do have snacks which is great but I also want iced coffee oh ya coffee nap would be good I guess ok 

+==edit==+

06.07am

It's official I have failed in my resting attempt

My alarm will ring in exactly 10 minutes I cant even script this if I tried (yes i could)

Ughhh how... do i just get ready now and take public transport or still attempt to nap that is impossible ok fine

+==edit==+

23.34pm

Finally lying down after like 16 hours of up and running

Today went well I guess

Only felt tired at 10pm and actually napped for 10 mins in macs while mama ate dinner lol 

My eyes are so heavy 

06.32am

Genuinely sad

My brain is like It's ok let it go we are fine it's done

Which is true

But I AM still SAD, almost 15 years of record wiped out from my access- even my video recommedations are skewed now

I dont want to think about it but I use youtube so often and everytime I open the app I get reminded

Not to mention google is so rich but dont have manpower and avenue for this so bodoh when I know they obviously have the records still 

Cries why you so mean to me world when i was just trying to be nice 

+==edit==+

06.41am

The universe way of supporting me is recommending zen buddhism art of letting things happen videos pfft I also know

Not helping

+==edit==+

07.47am

Times like these im glad my nihilistic side is accessible

21.30pm

Ohayo 

I was like what day is it how many days of blogging did I miss

Have been so exhausted but better

Got a 3 hours nap in a lecture theatre after a last minute gig rehearsal just now

Now trying not to fall asleep waiting for miss chai 

Today I was going to buy kfc for lunch but my card/the self checkout machine didnt work so I gave up after 3 tries and went to macs

Which turned out to be the best decision cause I got a double mcspicy meal for 4.50$!!!!!

So needless to say I have half a mcspicy (technically an entire mcspicy without the top bun) waiting for me to consume for dinner or supper idk

Realised it's been more than 2 years since I had a cherie session, and an NTU gig 

So funny to see the kids stressing over nonsense but ok as long as you dont drag me into it I am just staying in my lane and trying not to fall asleep

This lt was so cold in the afternoon but now so hot why do I still have my jacket on

K bye

+==edit==+

23.07pm

Please I was just about to be happy that i got a ride home and finally able to crash

And then I found out my youtube search history is gone

I really really really hope it's only a glitch or a bug cause my heart is in pain

Im such a nostalgic person slash memory keeper (why else would I keep a blog for over a decade) and so any loss of memory (like pheed, you betrayed me!!!) is such a knife to the heart

Nothing google says is working 

I dont want to be sad on top of this exhaustion

I can barely open my eyes right now but im also hungry so im gonna finish my mcspicy and hopefully crash so i dont have to feel sad 

Hoping for a miracle. 

01.27am

Felt nice to go out hiking after so long

But my body is shocked

And period just came

And of course I havent slept 

Wore nonsense shoes

So now im facing repercussions hahahaha funnY

So yes my entire back and legs hurt

Thankfully my arm pains from doing acrobats stopped hurting

Hehehe 

+==edit==+

07.47am

Alhamdulillah I got about 6 hours of sleep or should I say crash session lol

+==edit=÷+

14.29pm

Just exhaustion

Will only get up for rehearsearl but right now strugglin lol even ele is getting ready before me which never happens

06.48am

For a second I had an existential crisis like why is noone awake when it's barely 2am 

It is indeed almost 7am

Okay today im going out

Yesterday I didnt 

Lol k bye 

+==edit==+

07.39am

Okay so the dilemma is, it's too early for glam but my midday self is glam

My morning self is one with nature hike and only skincare and sunscreen and shoes

And my rest of the day self loves being in makeup and slippers

But it is both impractical to bring things out, and to go home and change

So u see my dilemma (ehehe bonus point if you know where this quote is from)

Anyway I have showered and had iced coffee but instead of changing to my hiking outfit I just put on my pyjamas again cause you know what coffee naps work well with me poor body is conflicted to wake up or to rest but you got this

But also every night at 3am like some sort of spell I feel like doing acrobats and then im like Okay tomorrow morning we do it 

And then when morning comes I dont 

HAHAHAH 

Um ok I shall just see what I feel like doing and then do it

I actually laid out an outfit for the day knowing very well 1) Not my size 2) Impractical choice for the weather 3) Not the most comfortable

But it looks so cute and beauty is pain so 

02.28am

Seandainya ada lagi cinta dihati ini, akan kubenamkan serpihannya, selamanya 

If there was still an inkling of love remained in my heart, I will sink the remaining fragments, buried deeper within me forever

+==edit==+

06.18am

Yesterday I fell asleep at 9am and okay guess it makes sense cause I napped from 10pm-12am

But I didnt nap today yet and if somehow im not sleepy again by 730am, im bringing myself out okaY for fresh air and breakfast let's do it

+==edit==+

07.29am

Honestly though I appreciate that sleep is important and I love how recharged it makes you sometimes but I still dont really like it???

The process of falling asleep, the BEING asleep (aka wasting hours and hours of my day) and the waking up not even remembering how I fell asleep

The only fun part is the fun dreams I get and the not having to think and be conscious 

And of course the rest my physical body needs and gets 

But otherwise??? Sis I do not enjoy it and never have and can never relate to humans who loves sleeping (like I understand but I could never)

Also yes it's 730 and I did get up but dont have the motivation to get ready so I might just you know go out later instead

Love mornings though

+==edit==+

07.48am

Just ate two chocochips cookies and sippin on iced coffee and ive always wanted to do gymnastics as a child but never got the chance/time to

I dont think it's ever too late to pick up acrobats I want to do aerial stunts okay 

My body will be so in shock but ok we want to be reyrey a high flyer we gotta 

Spoiler alert: since i stopped dancing for 3 years during my formative years in MI, i literally cant even touch my toes it's appaling how nonsensical 

Shows how important consistency is cus all the 13 years of work before that got wiped out just by 3 years of non-movements

!!!!!! 

K bye lemme enjoy iced coffee and escape the night

+==edit==+

12.33pm

Worst night of unsleep yet but good thing is im awake more

+==edit==+

17.39pm

How I managed to not leave the home is astounding

00.42am

I cringe so hard when someone says they bought something from Shein

Dont support such companies???

Actually it was since the whole prayer mat/swastika/stealing designs incidents I judge people so hard 

And then the whole fast fashion + cheap labour 

The most I understand is the plus size cus so hard to find affordable AND NICE things

But others???? Find somewhere else????

I hate

I literally just woke up from a 2 hours nap so idk why im blogging lol

+==edit==+

08.36am

!! So is it time for iced coffee

+==edit==+

22.44pm

I thought I blogged about it but last night I suddenly craved peanut butter and suddenly peanut mnms appeared in my fridge??

And then this afternoon there was an entire fresh new jar of peanut butter in the KITCHEN

Istg it's magic 

21.48pm

A day of doing nothing much except watch Escape the night 

05.36am

My eyes were so tired at 10.30pm

Mak yah was like confirm u go back wont sleep 

Night owls recognizes each other lol cus so true

Growing up when I sleepover with her to accompany her while abah man works in the night, we would both be up doing our own things until subuh 

Lolol it's in the genes and No ex employee I cannot try harder to change my habits pfft 

Salam Aidiladha (04.36am)

Heart is quite full

Had a long day

I love Hari raya and Harmonix 

Selamat hari raya aidiladha!!!! 

Looking forward to family and food

Basically ive been up more than 24 hours but as usual as soon as my head hits the pillow it's like Yay wake up 

It's okay

My body hurts from sitting for prolonged periods today- first is 7 hours at VOS, and then 4 hours champs, and then 3 hours supper with hmx 

05.51am

It's champs day

I gotta be up at 8 but of course cant sleep

Hopinggg for a power nap but at the freshness of my brain i'll probably feel sleepy at 730am as usual

As much as I dislike putting on makeup so early in the day, I hate bringing it out even more 

But we'll see

00.49am

About 5-6 shops in, and still havent found the sour plum I just finished

It's all the wrong brand everywhere

+==edit==+

02.51am

Thought a miracle of me being asleep like last night would happen again but who are we kidding

Anyway the only time I want samyang is when we just run out at home

Why so annoying

Sure I have a 24 hour hao mart nearby but who wants to walk there 

01.11am

It just feels at home going back to Hmx, (cause of my people but they also rajin go back so it feels really nice)

Alhamdulillah for everything

Unsurprisingly i'm thriving much more in a non conformed setting

Ive never really been a hard worker but now I have a purpose and do what I care about and it naturally activates hustle mode

+==edit==+

02.02am

The day I watched Elvis I tried Maduras for the first time and it was muy delicioso!!!

Had the fish head curry, some sort of tandoori chicken and palak paneer...

Wah I cant stop thinking about them 

Lol k im not a foodie

(I typed food and accidentally pressed enter but correct also)

The focus group just now was so fun!

NDA signed but I can tell you I spent most of the time trying new flavours of something I love 

Was ready to go home straight, checked the bus stop and waited for the bus, boarded the bus, realised I took the opposite side and ended up going to NTU for Hmx's last QC before champs this Saturday

The whole time in the bus I was trying to decide whether to go or not and alas the universe decided for me

No ragrets cus got Ovaltine mcflurry and felt at ease seeing the kids' improvements

Cant remember the last time I stayed at home but that's me the next two days

Love hearing raya songs on the radio!!!!

Okay bye

+==edit==+

05.54am

I slept through the night?!? 

Fake through cause woke up but only twice and fell right asleep after seeing the timr

15.28pm

Last night's shoot the train was extra cold and I survived basically 2.5 hours of it with no jacket cus costume

Today im in another cold place for a focus group and will have to survive 2 hours here but at least I had the instinct to bring a hoodie 

Wished I had a blanket

My eyes are so dry lol I slept to basically the last minute possible (fake news) and even reached 12 mins early

01.26am

Me being even remotely tired right now makes zero sense 

In fact it makes less than zero cents (lol), it's negative sense

If im at home in bed right now u better know I wished I was doing something and I wont even feel tired until maybe 6am eyes begin to heavy

Lol anyway im wearing boots for the first time in a long time (long=probably more than 1.5 decades)

I cant believe I can say things like 15 years ago and I was a conscious human being what 

I miss alfie and fahri

I need to bring a portable charger tomorrow just in case (I wanted to today but honestly I change bags so many times idk which bag they are in)

I want a snack

Wasted 40$ on grab today (2 trips) but it's cause grab and gojek's high demand is merepek and somemore cab raised their fares

I should just go back to being late for things

Just now people were talking to each other but now at 1.30am I guess social battery flat and all doing their own things 

Idk why I chose to tell them it's my first time shooting when it's totally not

To be fair it's my first time being paid for a shoot (ok fine, second, first was pri school but that's a distant memory)

Oh i didnt even tell you what i'm doing (I almost type we're cause my blog and I we are one)

We are doing our first ever commercial, first ever corporate shoot

Yay to doing many many firsts just because

Supposedly 2 hours to end of shoot but I think we're overrunning unless they rearranged things 

Idk

Being an extra is not really fun

Again, people who likes doing nothing will enjoy it

I'd play humming lady 3 more times cause I just get to strut in creepy makeup and kill people lolol 

I was gonna audition for USS HHN scare actors but lets be real I refuse to cari pasal 

Feels so nice to talk to you bloggy 

I wished I had iced coffee and candy and snacks right now

Im at an underground mrt station which is really cool cause obviously it's closed 

Ok la let me pretend to be present while pretending im drinking iced coffee 

+==edit==+

05.17am

Homed and settled

Lowkey still havent processed the Elvis movie

I like non structures and that results in the longest post since idk when lol

Also I got a grab back for 16 but when he dropped me off he didnt put as dropoff until 10 mins later and I got charged 5$ extra for extra stop????

And best part is the whole cab ride he was saying how he has always been scammed by ryde/tada riders

I wanna think he genuinely forgot to press cause cab driver lah maybe changed focus to live passenger hunting but idk I hope grab refunds me

Thankfully I was the 2nd one of the crowd to get into a grab

+==edit==+

10.46am

I have just accepted my current body clocking

00.58am

Surprisingly very affected by Elvis, the movie

Wanna write it down while I still feel these feelings

Not sure if it's just the stage of life i'm at,

Or because i'm a performer,

Or a rebel or a rockstar

I had to take time to process the movie I didnt feel like talking cause why and how can I get over it so fast

I walked in knowing and expecting nothing but wew

Kudos Austin butler

16.22pm

Alhamdulillah.

That's all 

Happy birthday Doya

+==edit==+

17.42pm

Daiso's worst move is to be unTwo dollars

I am literally just walking out of one

The price is too complicated and shocking HAHAHA 

04.34am

I am going to put on hair and face mask and inevitably shower and trim my hair too

It's always urges never planned

+==edit==+

06.00am

Kay I did none of those things except trim my hair shower and did my nails somehow

In dire need of skincare restock 

Times like these you wonder whether they are a want of a need

Lol I guess it's up to me to decide

+==edit==+

09.01am

Not funnyyyy why am I awake already I literally need to be up in 2 hours why cant let me sleep through aiseh

Merry July (04.05am)

Last night I slept an hour earlier than usual and woke up at like 10am untiredly

Today I fell asleep even earlier, and what does my body do?

Wake up exactly an hour later

Thanks eh

20 Years of Cenation (04.01am)

I cried watching his return to RAW speech

I think the part when he said he gives his all every single time in the ring cause the audience always gives our all 

And it's so true

To see how he has grown as a man, from that arrogant boy in tights and then wannabe rapper to an actual superhero

I swear WWE raised me in a way, too

The values literally Never give up, Hustle loyalty respect is ingrained in me 

Sometimes I feel weak and i'll think to myself Will John Cena feel this?!? And it immediately pushes me to push myself

I always tell people I dont like watching superhero movies, and I 1000% know it's cause I grew up watching real life superheroes

When there's someone out there who dares to whisper "Cena Sucks", I have an army behind me ready to scream "LETS GO CENA" hehehee ok u all will never understand this is true love

He looks so small and so much older than I remembered

As long as he is happy, healthy and thriving

Hehee ok 

00.43am

Btw macs banana pie nice 10/10 want again

Bring back white choco strawberry

+==edit==+

16.42pm

U know the meme that goes

Aku kerja keras kerna aku sadar aku gak punya tuyul

(Wait omg im literally listening to mj12 and i think it's a TOYOL STORY NOW??? HAHAHA SHIZ OK IT IS OMG WTH)

ok back to my point

Im tripped wew

For me is aku kerja keras kerna aku mau youtube premium 

Lolol k bye eekk no toyols pls my heart is beating fast

23.45pm

Dont know what I did to be blessed with your rezeki, alhamdulillah

Had a lovely weekend I think I dont even remember what I did

Oh yes watched mat kilau and then rehearsearl on sunday

Made a silly video and drank iced coffee

Ate macs and accidentally had a heart to heart talk that meant last buses

Getting back in touch with bestoe was the best thing to happen

We've both wondered where each other went while we were right there

I guess every relationship needs the refreshing

Ate one meal today and didnt move from bed until when I ate

So much to do but today apparently was not the day to do things

Hopefully I dont fall asleep at 7am and I wake up at that time instead so I can do things

Excited at the prospect of mornings but you have no idea how night owl ive been literally since I stopped my office job 

Have been thinking of hiking again so maybe if I manage to fall asleep tonight i'll go for one tomorrow

Good idea

00.29am

Literally just watched the Mat kilau movie

10/10 better than avengers lol 

Adi putra is a yes since na o mei days

+==edit==+

10.34am

The word Lavender is very nice until I have to spell it out myself

It's like existence 

The vagueness of a/e sounds is more disturbing than I ever gave thought to

+==edit==+

11.05am

Rule followers are ok until they try to make ME follow the rules then i dont like you peasant

+==edit==+

12.38pm

Sometimes I wonder what grab and gojek drivers' gps tell them cause it's so annoying how OFF they are (and most annoying when they self declared arrived and I dont even see their car) 

05.14am

Even if you left me in a windowless room with no sense of time the only rest i'll get is a 2 hour afternoon nap

Ive been exhausted waking up lately, which knowing my body means im transitioning to fresh body clock tendencies

I wonder if i'll be a morning bird again anytime soon 

But no matter, I enjoy and do not have any qualms about being a night owl- any issue is with people who plans morning things hahaha not that i'll be tired I think i'm more tired about thinking about how tired I could be 

Wow

Okay

Had a much needed catch up with bestoe and ended the night eating durian at 2am so you could say we are like pods in a pea woww not poetic hahaha

Hi universe,

Grant me patience, grant the people who care about me patience

Thank you for the strong faith you've instilled in me, all I can do is believe in the inner voice inside me and I freefall into trusting your guidance

23.59pm

Just trying to blog before midnight in attempts of not seeming like i missed yet another day 

Lol

12.34pm

Just did 2 hours of talking to strangers

Quite fun and even got coffee

But also my sleep schedule means instead of seizing the rest of the day im quickly returning to comfort

Gonna drink iced coffee, maybe eat if im not too lazy and then lie down for awhile before doing some chores

+==edit==+

18.54pm

I actually do keep trying

Ive cut off people but I also only see their good 

And I know when it's too much and it's time, i'll let go like sand between my fingers

22.10pm

Currently lying down by the beach and there are so many stars in the sky

Randomly tried to download instagram last night and it worked!!!

Need to remind myself that I can go back to visual blogging

17.43pm

I dont go around wanting oreos but once I start I kinda cant stop lol 

Especially when dipped in coffee 

Or those tiny bite sized ones

Ok bye 

+==edit==+

20.51pm

Did I not mention I cried watching Sharpay's fabulous adventure cause it's me right now

Except all the disguspinkness change it all to purple and change boi to a kitty cat 

Sharpay raised me hahahaha

01.06am

I just lost track of time

Things were going really well, I had a big project to look forward to, I was happy and at ease

When it rain it pours sometimes

Right now it's pouring season

But hey, there has never been a setback we never managed to bounce back from

Was having quite a lovely day until the 180 mood change (ok fine, not 180, maybe 100°) 

I just need rest and sunshine 

I'll be back to face the world soon enough

+==edit==+

20.13pm

Already feel better after a day of rest

When did I become wEAK lol jk 

Anyway I need to try cheese fondue

Where can I find it

I am very aware that I can make my own cheese sauce for dipping but like cmon 

Appear in front of me 

04.04am

Rehearsearl in 7 hours and I just finished helping wobbly wona learn her parts when she had... 3 weeks to learn it

7 hours feel so far but I have a long day ahead

Rehearsearl, a wedding and then a less fun rehearsal

Which means I have to (read: want to) make up at 9am eek let me wash my brushes before I fall asleep 

I type that but idek if i'll do it hahahaha

+==edit==+

08.56am

Me: trying to give my body as much rest as possible

My body: wakes up every 20 MINUTES 

Wew that was rough

Oh well

I shall get up for real

+==edit==+

22.53pm

Had a long day

My body heard my dread and gave me a pass out

The exhaustion and heaviness I felt in the afternoon was so sudden and wew 

My period just came today

But alhamdulillah im an extrovert and seeing love all around made me energetic again

Now my eyes are tired

17.10pm

I am just happy to see people happy

Meanwhile im manifesting beach days for myself

The more sun sand and sea, the happier i'll be

Poetry 

Also I just got a message ive used 100% of my data but amazingly it literally renews this midnight

Feel like writing a song

Wished I still had my keyboard my mama gave it away a few years ago

Im having iced coffee and staying zen

I am untouchable

Went to the library yesterday and read parenting books and I am happy to report I learnt nothing new

You know why 

Well besides my own family's teachings-

All them family vlogs ive been watching

Ballingers and judy teaching me western parenthood which I actually like most of their techniques

No im not going to be a parent anytime soon but I am an aunt of many so I must be prepared 

Also had a walk around my old neighbourhood feeling very fond and happy to be there

Of course it feels both homey and foreign but I love the energy there it's so peaceful and cooling

I sat at an empty badminton court recalling what we used to do 

Ended the day with fried fish soup and then belting defying gravity at 1am

It was a really lovely day

Ive actually been dreading theatre rehearsals a bit, just cause my role is so heavy and im newly back into it so it takes much more of me than I was willing to give (lolol it's like new child of mine who this)

Im sure it'd all be fine- only 2 more rehearsals and then 2 full dresses and bump in before the actual show

Now that I think about it I am being underpaid.... lol but it's ok, first theatre gig and im grateful and excited for the opportunity

But for once I would like to just skip to the actual performance, usually I embrace rehearsals and would not want actual day to come so fast but meh

I thought like oh maybe I dont love theatre as much as I thought- but honestly though I think it's just not comfortable with the people im working with

Give me a role in Hmx the musical and i'll live inside the rehearsal venue

I scheduled an awwcappella rehearsal next week and im looking forward to that more even though that's not the new thing in my life lolzers

Ok my iced coffee is almost done which is always sad

I got a script to memorize but im major procrastinating it, i'll do it tomorrow

Okay bye haha

04.55am

Me still making morning plans despite falling asleep at 7am is actually a safer bet than noon plans cause that is most likely my naptime but if we interrupt it by doing something then I won't need the rest 

So it's mostly whether the people I made plans with follows through with the morningness

21.06pm

Why am I a being who misses blogging for no good reason

The most honest and accurate answer I can give is I lost track of time and day hahaha this is what happens once you no longer adhere to working days and hours

Which I really truly do love

I love feeling unstoppable everyday and not anticipating fridays

K nice bye 

23.04pm

After a week of harmonix concert doing, back to my rehearsals

Tired zz also valid reason to not go back early hahaha

02.07am

Oh did I have a lovely evening by the beach

It was empty and the view was too beautiful and it was windy

Me and titi held a busking session for our shadows (we asked them to paynow us their tips) 

Anyway im clearing my phone memory cause I wanna vlog hmx's concert bts

And me in every vlog: Hi good morning, it's (insert time that ranges from morning to night)

Lolol 

Also im so happy I vlog things that seemed insignificant cause now looking back at them im like Wew im glad I captured how I felt then, it was cool

Naise

Ok back to content managing

+==edit==+

03.17am

Tokti just stop it eh with her amazingness i CRY

Come concert in sg please i need your aura 

Merry June (07.40am)

My body clock is just the best right now but the lack of things to do makes it seem like a whyyyy

Im sleeping like 1-3 hours and then once I wake up and try to sleep back i'll just wake up 20 minutes later again

Maybe it's time to go tire myself out

13.29pm

Was in a happy place but people around me just love to challenge me dont they

Whatever, elevate

Doesnt make it less annoying but it's not painful for me to let go and let god

But also like people must stop making me wait for them especially when we made plans

Im the late one in EVERY relationships dont take my job

+==edit==+

13.51pm

So suddenly muddled so I thought I would feel better if I ate

My first scoop of rice i realised i was using 2 spoons

Metal spoons

Who does that

02.02am

It's probably done but I hope Judy has a smooth and safe labour ♡

Havent caught up with vlogs but still very much immersed and very excited to see Leah's little sibling

+==edit==+

05.18am

My bedtime has been quite consistently 7am-9am and then afternoon nap

What a phase 

21.34pm

Have had a blessed few days

Feels like the heart I give out without any hopes of returns did return

Alhamdulillah

Currently looking at the sea and seeing planes fly into Singapore every minute

Usually i'd be annoyed at the noise but now it just means things are okay

And im grateful and thankful and cmon planes, bring it on (right as I typed this the distant rumbling of an approaching plane began)

02.45am

What a week it has been

Both uneventful and very eventful

What matters is im occupied with things im passionate about

Had my first theatre rehearsal after... 8 years

+==edit==+

20.34pm

Just found a picture of my first time at vivo during its opening week

We were in skirts and heels but when we got to the rooftop- there were THINGS TO BE CLIMBED 

So we did 

Hahaha and now idk how many years on it's still my fav mall 

+==edit==+

22.05pm

There's something about... people who weren't privileged to learn about Allah while growing up

And given such challenges in life

Who still tries to seek Him and remind each other of Him

Ya Allah my heart 

May you ease their affairs, and ease our journey towards your acceptance

Thank you for still letting your light live within us that we remember you not just in times of darkness, but especially when things go good

+==edit==+

23.00pm

Im so happy

I just finished cooking, an anyhow recipe as usual (when I say anyhow I mean I just see what's infront of my eyes calling my name and I put it inside the wok

Ele tasted it and she said it tastes almost exactly like one of nenek's signature dish 

Like wew im sure I used totally different things (like... dipping sauce I used dipping sauce in the dish) and I didnt even use salt but yay yay

But also again the worst part about my cooking habit is if im craving it again or someone asks me to cook it again... I have no idea I am as clueless as you are

HAHAHA potentially literally once in a lifetime dishes im making right here in my own kitchen

Lolol k drama k bye

01.01am

Whoa ive never missed so many days of blogging

First of all, Happy first birthday Muhammad Fahri Qaizer

You're a blessing and cant wait to teach you things hehe

Secondly I love jalaning raya and alhamdulillah the weekends have been filled with it

Thirdly I had a fun weekend

Started off both days with jalan raya, and then;

On Saturday went for rehearsearl aka fake open house, I love my people they make me happy

On Sunday went to Lasalle grad show for a while (aka definitely going back) and then went back to NTU on a Sunday evening wew but turned out to be a lovely evening

Even got a beautiful hair bun chopstick that I adore

Today I had script reading via zoom for a (surprise) theatre show I somehow got through for

My scheduled livestreaming work from 26-29 May was cancelled without prior notice so somehow I have the week free lol but it's ok, I am happy to have free time

I shall find things to do but for now I am excited at the prospect of Hmx alumni going back together for rehearsals

But also I failed in my weekend quest cause noone's house had the orange keropok i cri

I wont give up, raya is one month HAHAHA

+==edit==+

03.04am

I realise when in my happy place, it's always the same things I want to do

Just found a memo of to do list in 2017 and it's exactly the things I want to do now

00.47am

Ohayo 

I am here to declare that I have a weekend quest

I will go raya and find houses with orange keropok and finish it all 

Ive had a major lack of orange keropok this year

This is not ok and I shall avenge myself

+==edit==+

03.59am

The very week I had to restart working, my body just decides it doesnt want to fall asleep

Pls the past 3 days my eyes are fighting my brain 

My eyes just want some rest but my brain is like it's ok sleep is optional we're not tired!!! 

Lolol thankfully my obligations the upcoming week does not include morning plans

Although I already miss being a morning bird but you know me i'll just let my body do what it wants when it comes to bedtime

I also had to do my skincare mirrorless cus elephant stole my mirror and didnt return it im so annoyed

My eyes are heavy, my back is slightly better 

Here's to a better day today