10.26am

Oof the exhaustion is real
I like how i'm the busiest during the holidays when everyone else is the freest
What was supposed to be a planless saturday is turning into a whole day affair how is this possible
Had a cool day with somemonix yesterday, the Gala event's audience came up to us one after another to praise and say nice things and I feel too humbled I think i'm out of thank yous (hah fake)
Also I am still confused over how I can wake up so easily from my ringtone but not my alarms but I also know if I change my alarm to my ringtone my subconcious knows and will refuse to wake me up
Also I saw a video of Stone cold interviewing Undertaker and kayfabe is too dead im disappointed but it has also always been my dream to hear things from taker's POV
They're both so legendary and I can't wait to listen to the whole podcast
I have to choose a song to sing!!!
Bismillah for today

01.05am

I find the concept of instastory so intruguing cause like what goes through these people's brain while selecting what is worth being seen only for a day
Like little complaints all as if I care
But whatever I don't thats why I dont watch them ahahahha hashtag boomer jk im generation hsm

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05.23am

I am a very unprepared performer
Excited that there's a dress code but black tie is crazy heavy we have no idea how far the guests will take it
I gave up looking for outfits since Wednesday but now that it's the day I think I have to go and buy it (and heels) before heading to the performance venue
In other news the family festival is finally here!
Am very excited and thankful that my Harmonix gets to be a part of such a meaningful event- raising money for children's homes :')
I should rest a bit but I am so awake

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08.49am

Failed to sleep actually I didnt even try
I dont know why listening to On my way home made me so emotional I felt like revisiting Remembrance
And ohhh gosh the feels are a shot straight to the heart (I think I have one)
Like how did a group of frogs (plus me) come together to portray such a weird, emotional, nonsensical, crazy production filled with so much heart I have no idea
Everyone's soul peppered the stage so rightly it made everyone feel good- onstage, backstage, offstage
Some may never know but their very presence MADE the show
Like I said, I can never thank everyone involved enough
This time round words fail actually I didnt even try
Kay I should either nap or stay up and get ready in like 45 minutes

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08.58am

Big oof
Just went through my email and found my annual birthday email to myself this year still unread
WHY DO I KNOW THE BEST THINGS TO SAY im both happy and annoyed cause past me told me to do my assignment but it's ok there were more meaningful things
She even asked how the carnival planning was going and lo and behold- TODAY IS THE KICKSTART!
Ah I love myself what a creature

18.54pm

Just got home from an accidental sleepover hahaha ironic
Ok lies im still walking to my lift but
Ok edit soon I missed you blog even though I talk to you everyday

04.58am

Looks like my day has started
Fell asleep before midnight and in another "what time is it" frenzy as I woke up, I realised it was 3am
So now it's almost 5 and I have things to do so I shall do them (more like a want not really a need) (the thing I need to do, I don't want to do hahahah)
Voices formation and I want to tear my wardrobe apart cause now all I can find are non wearable outfits so I must rearrange
Meeting bingbong in 7 hours to buy stuff for performances and events
Excited about the events to come but also it means Voices is in 11 days
With 4 rehearsals left, will we progress in time to give last year's team a run for their money lol jk
We're not done with one song and choreography for 3 songs so goodluck (same as last year honestly hahaha)
Get ready to hustle tonight huhu okey bye pls behave everyone

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08.01am

I've been wanting to do actual puzzles the past few weeks and almost bought some to do but it was weird to buy puzzles for myself (not really)
But I think I might want to make my own dreams come true
Puzzles
Also I thought I wanted to nap like half hour ago I even set alarms but right now im just up

17.45pm

I have blanked on what happened after I reached home last night and ate supper
Like what time did I sleep
Was I conscious at 2am
Did I wake up at all through the night
Do i feel well rested now
Who knows

08.56am

People: it's bed time
Me: perks up
It's the internal rebel im telling you

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18.11pm

I just want to go home and do hmx work not anything else

04.56am

My great plan was to sleep as soon as I got home and then wake up early for the breakfast meeting
But my great plan is not working out
I have time to sleep but im so excited at the thought of meeting hmx (ok jk im excited about playing with makeup it feels so long since)
Kay have a lovely day ahead

ps happy birthday mellysha you are the second yana cause I get confused whether your birthday is 23 or 24 but I try anyway hahahaha

12.21pm

Can I just hahaha I saw the tv after a long time and they made a whole jingle about antibiotics not curing flu
Oh my gosh
It's both cute and sad

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20.12pm

Sometimes people don't learn and you can just watch as they descend into oblivion and all you can do is catch them at the end and be there for or through the healing process
Some people are born to serve more times than they will ever be served
Purpose is beautiful but misunderstood
(if this was real life I would say "like me" and dab)

00.40am

"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." -Oscar wilde

My body loves waking up at 4am cause it feels weird being asleep
But also I have been back into Little big shots and children are so amazing especially when we don't limit their talents
Why is Singapore so loser when it comes to budding young souls

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23.26pm

Having an impromptu sleepover with farrieal who is currently scared to go to the fridge (we're watching a horror movie) hahahaha
Chiqa is laughing at him but she's the same

17.11pm

Why is it that although my mind has been made up there are still strings pulling me back
The weirdest part is the scissors are in my hands
We'll wait and see
Everything happens for a reason

04.29am

Are there any chances that i'll go back to sleep or what
Havent started on the essay except I read the questions

03.53am

No idea what time I fell asleep but I woke up at 2am
Just watched MLM week 3, and I dare say (and I hope) it could be the year of the underdogs
They're bringing freshness
Also as much as I wanted feeza out from GV, I wanted popon out from MLM (no personal vendettas at all they are talented and lovely humans it's just that they got strong competition) and this week both of them got eliminated
I should reply to messages soon lol jk no habla ingles

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19.44pm

I have an essay due tomorrow, and I think I will do it despite having 0 ideas about the topics because I was lucky during the first test so i'll capitalise and try and create a fun and decent essay by tomorrow evening lol (better tonight since tomorrow is hmx day and I wont do work during hmx days)

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21.05pm

Rarely do great people get born from following rules and not creating a slight chaos

01.50am

I could be experiencing empathetic pain
Watching these people made my chest heavy I had to sit down
Hahahah lame
But also get well fast everyone here

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03.17am

This week's GV is amazing guyssss
Hady mirza is crazy and he deserves the top spot
Roy, Wann and Naqiu are just legendary
Jatt, Sham and nurfatima I dont need to say much
Mama shila did really well too
Even the bottom two One nation and Feeza (whose performances I havent fancied since the start) did really good tonight :')
It's semifinals with 9 contestants leh HOW
But also how can they eliminate anyone else after Shila and One nation????
Next week song allocations are trash though lol but eh extra points for the singers being able to rearrange them

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19.38pm

Yoda is already so cute
Baby yoda is too much
What did humanity do to deserve this blessing I dont know

13.05pm

When was the last time I woke up feeling well rested enough to not want to go back to sleep
But also my sense of time is gone days and nights merges into one
Had a lovely day with somemonix yesterday
It wouldve been longer but we are rest deprived people so morning plans were cancelled lol anything for 3 more hours of rest :')
Planned to recuperate again today however I might be going out but I don't really have to
We'll see
Adiosss

ps happy 11th (?!WHAT) birthday my first generation baby farrieal iqim (again, you want to be googleable so here you go) I cant believe you'll be P6 in a month I feel too old seeing you grow old :') ♡

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16.17pm

The only good thing about not being a child is that any expectations we have of ourselves are just that- our own
Noone can make me go to recess at 10am and do silent reading in the morning (not that I follow rules but there still were expectations)
It's a power most of us fail to realise we have, the power of having the power ahahaha meta but true
Humans are just losers, once again
It's ridiculous when one's life is affected so much by another person especially if it's not a good person and nothing worthy can come out of it
Even the most powerful people are just losers who has people they have to answer to everyone else is no different
It's true that the happiest and most peaceful people are the freest, it's because we realise that ultimately, we are only accountable to ourselves (and god)
And once we are taken care of, it's much easier to be compassionate to the world
Because we are all just a part of this universe and being unkind to anything at all just means you're being unkind to yourself
Ironically, being unkind to yourself ultimately means you're being unkind to the people who matters
Life is weird, I love it

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21.52pm

Friendships in uni is basically just secondary school except I care less and more at the same time

01.18am

Heyy I remembered to blog but obviously I didn't
I have a test in like 15 hours so now i'm deciding whether to yolo or at least read some slides lol I know nothing
True philosopher right here- All I know is that I know nothing
Hahaha jk
Had a lovely impromptu evening of stuff
Vivo is my second home confirmed
Alzo happy birthday to the fattest twins on earth anga and elephant ♡

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06.38am

Sleeping schedule is helpless but that's only if i'm conforming to standards if it's my own i'm perfectly fine

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10.01am

I am a morning person hahaha will probably nap at school before going to class or probably afterwards
Brought my laptop after a long time means i'll do things is it
I probably wont but I will also ugh @ myself for the literal burden lol
It ok
Not feeling macs breakfast but here we are until other shops are open hahah

04.40am

The thoughts are looming again
It's weird cause i've always been easily true to myself so like I dont like it I leave it easy as ABC
I just pray for answers if there are any

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05.43am

I thought it was like 3am ahahaha not the slightest bit tired I therefore conclude late nights are only worrying if you have unfun responsibilities the next day
Rewatching old vlogs and hmx is so weird especially after midnight hahahaha who allowed us

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23.01pm

Hibernated the whole day lol

06.59am

I am not sure if I have a presentation in 3 hours
If I do, I better be chionging something right now (lol fake news)
If I don't then I should sleep before rehearsal
Im sO donE

05.35am

Is it worth it
I already been knewn
Ah one step at a time as usual

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21.27pm

I know whenever i'm not at ease, it's because my heart mind and actions do not match
I guess it's slightly harder when your decisions affect livelihood but again for the zillionth time, I dont care enough and I believe in new pathways

00.30am

Oof usually my naps lasts 90 mins but today 4 hours what is this sorcery
Very unproductive day but I probably needed the rest more than I think I do

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03.52am

Finally getting around to checking clips for the music video thingy
Then I found a video of me teaching farriealfarleyaleesya dance and I think one of the worst things humans can do is to underestimate children
Ok bye

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20.11pm

Lost sense of what I wrote here or didnt
But today my prayers got answered and i'm probably pushing through to getting my degree lol
It's such a personal drive thing, since i'm not extrinsically motivated
I will do it because I am accountable to so many people and myself
Because He has put me here despite me being undeserving (if only any of you knew my lack of school ethics- idk if I have ever studied for anything)
Because I remember cikgu siti telling me that this is my amanah from Allah
Because my intentions are sincere and I believe He will ease my way if anything
Bismillah for this newfound motivation, I owe this to myself
See isnt this drive lovely even though I have no idea how long this drive will last hahaha
Ok context I was telling a few people how right now I dont really care if I finish my degree or not
And I know now especially that I have explicitly renewed my intentions, it will get challenging (like my subconscious ignoring all alarms for class hahahahaha I swear it's a legit thing dont @ me)
But ditching school has never been like a serious thought la it was just playing in my head
If nothing feels right then I shall just trudge forward, if I have nowhere to go then any step I take is the right one insyaallah
Ok bye hahah

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23.39pm

Sad is learning Johan isnt a fixed judge for MLM
But also watched GV live for the first time today cause I have gang (agressively texting yol and nab until yol abandoned me during results she is still missing hello)
Really impressive today I love Naqiu and Wann extra tonight
Also one part they showed khai and naqiu on the same screen idk who to look at both too cute
And bunda was scolding the contestants for bad micing techniques im like It me to hmx
Okay I wanna eat

06.42am

Alhamdulillah, all went the best it could have!
I just feel so hosty like I want our guests to feel happy and comfortable and that they're welcome again
And I hope we achieved that
Regardless, am extremely proud of the frogs
Thank you for the trust and love, and for having the heart
Im just upset we didnt celebrate together but young people are always wrong so hahahaha
Anyway I am having a hibernation period before chionging school hopefully if I care enough
Good day

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16.52pm

Was feeling ehhh until I clicked on youtube and saw MLM videos uploaded now im excited to watch it
Also tons of non-hmx things to do which is boo

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17.44pm

I didnt ask to be attacked bruh freaking Jambu coming back with the best nonsense in the world, severly underappreciated and underrated but constantly delivering to those who loves them
I'll always have a soft spot for them

08.23am

Let me tell you I need more rest for now so brb

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09.16am

I think im experiencing when you feel so tired that you cant sleep cause this is wrong

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13.58pm

Got like 2 hours sleep so it's fine I guess
External showcase is tomorrow!
Always mixed feelings cause last rehearsal but also milestone
But this being our 4th ever external showcase 1, I know Hmx always pulls through
May everyone be granted calmness and clarity of mind insyaallah!
Am always proud of every batches, each of them brings something special and we'll always retain pure hearts
Here's to us

00.23am

Three people offended me today
#1 Grab uncle right as I got into his car: why u so happy
#2 Vicky: why is wani extra funny today
#3 Farouq: did you forget your medication
These humans are frogs lol cant a girl be joyful hahaha but also sure thank
Bismillah for everything i'm doing, be it in school or harmonix or anything
I'll need all the strength, patience, kindness and inspiration I can get

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04.01am

How dare I make day plans lol
I feel like cleaning more than I feel like resting
But also I feel like writing

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05.51am

Was ready to sleep when my brain decided on an amazing idea to leave home early and bring myself do things and sleep in school later
Not half bad considering how untired I am but also will I go through with it is it a good idea stay tuned

04.13am

Update on my latest sleep schedule is to nap an hour anytime between 6-9pm and then fail to sleep
I thought I could go to class later but alas I am not a person

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17.26pm

Dont understand why people said Naqiu did bad this week IT WASNT EVEN BAD what are they deaf lol
But also jihan and nabil are so precious i miss that gang pls return soon T.T have a megalawak concert or something i'll go up to KL just for yall you know it
But also bunda HKE's outfit and makeup is too beautiful i need to find out who styled her (PURPLE and glitter hello)
I... am excited to hear Hady sing Luluh cause he will do it justice

01.37am

I fell asleep I thought finally but I just had to convert it into a nap instead excuse myself

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22.44pm

Have always skipped Gegar vaganza cause lazy despite being excited about the line up every year (freaking siti sarah, liza hanim all my old rock otais) but this year's no nonsense line up is quite impressive
Like Hady mirza is doing so well and Naqiu's voice is just melting lol im following close this time round
Have had a solo positivity day listening to how the judges comment on the contestants and dare I say they all generally agree it's feels > techniques, but feels can only be delivered when technique is practiced so well it's internalized
Asdffhjdslso I appreciate good judges
(still cannot accept that Johan is an MLM judge how dare the industry i love him too much)
Ok bye hahaha

15.25pm

Woke up with a fever and it wasn't even the rain we walked in last night
I feel like the short nap I had immediately helped refresh my rational thinking and logic which was impressive
Haven't felt this conflicted in so long because I dont need drama and this was definitely avoidable but I guess sometimes it's fun to let nature take its course as we float inside the coursing river surrendering that we can't do anything much
Lol what am I saying bye

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23.02pm

Peace truly is power

13.15pm

Loyalty does not guarantee anything, yet is a quality we strive to exercise regularly
Disassociate at times to vibe check, but also evaluate smartly
Oftentimes it's about what we can do for people, not the other way round
Sometimes we get too hasty to cut connections, but it's playing safe
I'd rather though, end up being left behind
Losing many times does not mean anything more

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13.55pm

Woke up with a pleasant surprise of MLM 2019 starting!!!!
So heartwarming to see the old gang, but very bittersweet about Johan as a judge like i'd rather see him on stage but he totally deserves to be a judge T.T
And Tauke joining bringing back Jambu's identity I AM ALL FOR IT
Time to binge watch before probably leaving home

ps speaking of binge watching gossip girl is going to be removed from netflix HOW rude

09.11am

Yay slept for an hour and my body thinks that is good
Fake news this one lol

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10.25am

I gotta stop waking up every hour mate what is this bad sleeping technique ahahah

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15.11pm

Hais im in class
Luckily mau and valak are here
Also it's too crowded I am surprised at the number of people who knows me
Aka Polly pocket texted me to ask if I have a pencil cause she has no pencil case im like Bro I dont have pencil case too hahahaha
Whatever i'll get this over and done with then go back to homemonix