You know I still cant watch the HSM series promo videos cause my heart is not ready
The wildcats is a huge part of my lifE I AM NOT SAYING GOODBYE TO THE SENIORS AND HELLO TO THE NEW HORSES
+==edit==+
04.42am
Wont you look at the time I have to leave home in 3 hours
I haven't been feeling myself the past week, especially it being my birthday because the amount of love I got from some people were disappointing, I forgot that I have myself
But also in hindsight, I realise that humans show me love in other ways-
Letting me help through their big decisions- proofreading their tender, buying me a merlion (hahaha hi hidaya if youre here), accompanying them for interviews and etc
They show me love by buying me cake when I said I had to buy myself a cake
All lowkey signs of love that I could've overlooked because it doesn't feel like love sometimes (weird cause my love language is acts of service lol)
But beyond myself, I can feel love in the way they include me
Thank you god for giving me such humans
I told myself to be kinder, that includes to myself too
Here's to a lovely growth ahead
ps im challenging myself to no sugared drinks till khali's wedding but if i faint due to dullness in my life please call zac efron and pour iced coffee on me
+==edit==+
14.17pm
Really need/want to adjust my body clock at least temporarily, I have been missing my classes cause it starts at the time I fall asleep hahaha
Also if you read this blog oftenish you'll know one of the things I hate is Malaysian dramas being so bad
And I hate it cause I started so I have to know what happens and it's not big enough for there to be other forms of spoilers (unless I read the actual book the dramas are adapted from)
Just found one yesterday and it was so bad
Continuation, storyline, characters' consistency
There is nONE OF THESE
Annoying sia all these high budget but no quality im so annoyed give the budget to hire better directors and scriptwriters and actors pls im so done
ps rethinking to redefine my challenge to 1 sugared drink per day cause morning coffee is important
+==edit==+
20.14pm
Long term planning is not something I tend to exercise often (long term ranges from 3 days to 3 months) but now I can confidently say I have a wild few months ahead
Excited for all that's coming but it requires so much visualisation and present actions
Why am I talking so much
Oh right when you are hydrated your cells work better
Hahahaha no link but got link
I drank half a cup of coffee and a cup of lemon water and im already bored at the number of times I have to go to the toilet see this is why humans shouldnt drink k bye excited to see hmx tomorrow
We're officially(ish) done with auditions!
The process of wittling down 150 to 30 humans was survived and achieved
Orientation this saturday ehehe
Meeting both my close bride-to-bes today (totally unplanned it just happened to be at the same day at the same place)
It's even Ms green tea's birthday ermagerd happy birthday mon bebe
Ok I should rest
Actually going to my workplace later to accompany her hahahah I kinda miss it
Have a lovely day ahead!
A lot on my mind, and a lot to do
One thing's for sure having a schedule does not help my case ahaha
But also i'll get through these insyaallah
I just need to meet myself in the middle
A lot of things hurt but at least i'm feeling something
Constant lessons hahah thanks universe
It's a weird feeling
In a quest to give more, there's this simultaneous feeling of wanting mutuality and realising I don't need anyone
So weird but not as weird as the fact that I have class in 3 hours and I am not asleep
"It's all right, it's all good. Be blessed"
Help im stuck watching positive videos ok dont help
+==edit==+
04.59am
For someone who is rest deprived I am doing this circadian rhythm thing really well
What a low quality sleep hahaha I wake up not even every hour but every 10-20 minutes
How is this even a thing
But good job for managing to force myself to sleep again each time I guess
+==edit==+
19.18pm
Feels like hanging out alone with ice cream but also i need to rest and do work
I feel like I havent paid much attention to myself but I will, it has only been a few hours of existence anyway (actually idek what time I was born lol)
+==edit==+
23.42pm
Recuperative day
23 is a good age to live life anyhow and im looking forward to being even more courageous, lively and kind
Take all the risks and make all the noise
Ultimate yolo age huhu ok I slept too much today yet I am/have been exhausted so it's for the best I guess
Spent the whole day watching heartwarming videos
Just a little reminder that all will be well!
Things will fall into place and it's always worth it to harbour a little extra hope and invest a bit more heart
Go to my happy place
Had a lovely but very sleep deprived day
I'm turning 23 in less than 5 hours
10 years ago I entered sec 1
Hahahahahaa ok bye I need a nap
+==edit==+
19.57pm
Of course when I want to sleep I can't
Can't tell if im happy chilling on my birthday eve or just bored and unbothered
Birthdays are overrated anyway except I love getting reminded of what I mean to the few humans who finds me meaningful wow this wasnt supposed to be emo
Im going to watch vlogs until I fall asleep
+==edit==+
22.50pm
Im rebranding as an extrovert again hahahahaha we'll see how long this last
Am happy tonight because mama and chiqa surprised me with dinner prepared so extraly though the sleep was so bad I was so exhausted
I got all I need and want in life ehehe alhamdulillah ♡
Kinda miss concert hustling hahah post concert work is not as fun but ok la I guess
2 days to my birthday what even
+==edit==+
05.53am
I should rest but im not tired yet, I shall go try and sleep
After reaching home early last night, finally a later night lol it feels weird to leave school early
Spent some time jamming after auditions which im so happy about :')
So many emails to send and reply to but for now we survived round 1 of auditions, alhamdulillah!
I'm always proud of whoever comes and auditions, it takes guts and you stepping up there and singing is commendable.
Also alhamdulillah I got another class
But only a few days of add dropping left and I need more courses so again wake up NTU
Ok got work to do but I shall leisure first since I have no obligations tomorrow besides auditions at night heh
+==edit==+
16.58pm
Do we think im ready to watch reyrey's retirement (cursed) speech I think I am but I dont want to cry but ok i'll watch in otw to school
Told myself i'd sleep around 2 but lol
Survived 2nd day of auditions!
Another one today hehe
Have been so immersed in the Ballinger family's vlog I accidentally said Duncan's name out loud when el little baby put pasta on his head
Haahhaa also I am tired but to be fair I didnt sleep last night
First philo class in 8 hours- excited but also I need to rest
Auditions went well, just tiring again cause of my lack of sleep like I was tempted to send out the results once I get home but now im just happy lounging watching Duncan until I fall asleep
Here's to a great (more energetic) day ahead
+==edit==+
08.38am
Technically I should go get ready now but my dream was too epic hahahah wot m8
Still debating internally if I should get ready now or catch the next bus and be half hour late for class (might do this cause I dont want to rush but also elephant is out of the toilet so my only excuse is bicycle huhu)
And yes my dream woke me up and I thought I was late for school but nope I am a very on time human thank you body clock
+==edit==+
12.53pm
Reyrey why is your post on insta so cryptic im going to be restless the rest of the day
Everyone in the comments are like "Please dont retire" but i've heard speculations of you moving brands to AEW and I hope thats the case because I cannot imagine life without you
WWE really failed to use you properly again but at least I see you often
I cant handle this jskwkwkeo
ps happy birthday demdems ♡ here's to happiness, health and new music im waiting so patiently
+==edit==+
13.10pm
Im gonna cry but I wont yet just watched a snippet of the rey segment and I love Dom already THANKS FOR MAKING UR DAD STAY
Im reading comments with people not allowing him to retire and I agree 300% you mean too much to us
(cc undertaker)
I DIDNT ASK FOR EMOTIONS
Aw man last day of circle life's free unlimited data in lieu of national day but just in time for start of school aka i'll be on wifi most of the time anyway (i talk like i use 20gb a month lol)
Auditions start today!
And as usual I dont do monday classes
I do have a few things on my agenda so hopefully i'll get them done before dinner time
And my feeding time is no longer 4pm and 4am hahaha I have been a normaler being for quite some time now
(by feeding time I mean the times I feel hungry and yes there was a period of time it only appears twice a day and specifically at lol)
Again I feel too well rested to sleep so I shall do things (not work pssht)
Ok bye hehe have an amazing week ahead
ps it's my birthday week?!?
+==edit==+
05.36am
Contemplating if I should go down to school in time for activities or early and then find activities
I love being at home but also if I delay the time I leave home I will get lazy and end up having to grab
My alarm is set for 11am though so we'll see if I end up getting ready by then
+==edit==+
06.26am
Watched Phil's new video and it's so bittersweet like D&P has brought me so much joy yet I know they're amazing on their own but seeing them apart will always be a weird concept
I mean putting like myself and my bestfriends in the same situation it's like yes we slay together but individually we're great too and those are not necessarily separate things because we'll always be involved in each other's lives (at least I hope for dip and pip even more)
I love it when Phil said it felt like he was coming full circle with his youtube life- it's exactly what Ryan higa said he felt
It's like they start youtube out of pure passion and then suddenly it becomes this viable career option and now a decade later they're just back to making videos to unleash their creativity
And I stan my OG youtubers because they found their way back home
It might take 10 years but the progress is amazing
+==edit==+
11.06am
Technically I can sleep for 2 hours or something before I leave home but my body clock has been liking 2pm over the weekends and idk if it'll do the same today
My alarm is ringing soon anyway i'll just push it back an hour hahaha life hack (im not sleepy though but I feel spinny)
I have been well rested for the past 2 days which is great cause the hustle begins again come monday
Auditions and renewed responsibilities
Did I tell you oH I did not
I am the new chairperson of Harmonix hahahahahaha
Bismillah for this new team!
And may all go well for auditions
Also I need more modules for school can NTU be more efficient
Amidst the overly attached hmxing we actually had an impromptu meetup at sentosa hahah
It was such a lovely afternoon evening and night with chiqa doing harmowork and then bing bong and valak joined us before we flew to bing bong's place and hung out and did some work till 5am
Today is rest day I guess but also might be productive huhu k just rest first think later not sleepy yet though
+==edit==+
18.24pm
Can someone tell me why I only NOW watched Karate kid (which btw wth I have to read up karate vs kung fu for the millionth time because all I care about is wrestling but still)
I love it it's like kung fu panda but with humans hahahahaha ok bye
I forgot to add drop again???
Not really forget but
Nevermind
Wanted to go to school for hmx later but I promised chiqa on a library trip and I miss libraries
So I guess that's the plan
Now I should rest so I actually have energy to move lol drama
Also someone help hmx humans are sending recordings of themselves laughing at this timing in a groupchat
Sodium and Chlorine separately can kill you, but together, they keep you alive
How intricate is life such that the above is logical
Nothing is logical
I can't tell if im well rested or not
I forgot to add drop yesterday wew time to resume today
I'm excited for the harmonix team this year- may our actual familyhood bring us to places
♡
Was going to leave home as soon as I reached home and got ready but idk I felt like lounging and now im going to miss my shuttle bus so I have to wait till noon
Im already dressed though but hahaha not packed yet so imma rest a bit
Had a lovely evening with somemonix hehehe ♡
Charging my devices, have tons to do but idk im like "Rest now do later" but also my body is so not in the resting mode so I think i'll lounge about for a bit and if I really don't get tired then i'll do work
Also debating whether I should appear in school later
I literally will only go for Hmx but like it's booth day and queens dont go to booths lol
So i'll just set my alarm for on timeness but if I dont feel like going then I shall stay home and meet them in town at night instead
+==edit==+
02.49am
As of right now i'm leaning towards not going to school
Huhu
+==edit==+
12.15pm
Tracking the sign up sheet makes me feel like sharpay evans except I cant show off my penmanship
May all go well for them, it's like throwing a baby in the pool and seeing them "struggle" to survive but actually they just don't know they can
And being there anyway ready to catch
K wth am I talking about time to get them mods
Totally did no journaling
But I did a bit of harmowork though
And I should rest my body is getting too used to the holiday mode
+==edit==+
12.47pm
Woke up to work again hello it's a HOLIDAY
Whatever im ignoring yall
But also tomorrow gotta fight for my mods and I hope I get good mods
+==edit==+
13.53pm
My thoughts went from "i want to eat" to "i have FOUR friends' weddings to attend the next 2 months" and two close enough to warrant a wedding gift (ok by friends I meant khali and eatgo)
+==edit==+
23.31pm
Ended up having a lovely day!
Got a call from daddy asking if I wanted to go out and of course duh
Bought a school bag after what felt like so long hahah is this a sign of a great semester ahead yes it is
Also met khali and family!!
Cant remember most of what we did but it's just fun being together hahaha
Also finally found a planner, and a use for good old tatyana (she is a human)
School begins tomorrow but I have no classes yet but im fighting for some
Also going for karaoke with somemonix hehehe (so should I bring my laptop or nah wth)
Okey adious
The irony of university life- all the modules sound so promising,
Course contents described as so freeing and creative
But once you enroll it's the opposite of it
Rules and stupid, stupid regulations
There is zero wonder why we lack creativity and courage
Ok wait I forgot I have to wake up early why am I awake
Whatever la I just ok let me just admit that Netflix forced (ok fine they didnt have to try) me to watch 3 idiots and I share so much sentiments with the overarching theme of the story
Our education system is so frustrating
If you need to hear it from someone take it from me, our success differs
This system is disgusting and as a human (debatable) it is bellitling to be judged in the same system as the rest of the peasants
I'm too good for this
And guess what,
All of us are- we're too good for this
It is not dignified to be judged when none of us are on a levelled playing field and trust me, it took a hard fall from a place of comfort to the depths of nothing for this comparison to be made
I have been through both ends and despite being the same person I have always been, circumstances affects you in ways you don't even realise.
You probably won't even realise but that's the thing, just because it's beyond our control doesn't mean it's inexcusable
I can take steps to reach the same place but my steps aren't as levelled as yours, not as sparkling clean and not as straightforward.
It just takes a lot more from me and I know I will get there without any complaints
But not everyone is this lucky
We're just sadly stuck in a tradition implemented that has worked for the past generations, brought us the success we have today
But the glory has long been gone
Growth can no longer be achieved from this paper-cutout method
Stop telling me to follow rules
I will fight you
ps this post was so much longer but I cut some content out lol
+==edit==+
06.27am
I might regret not sleeping now but at least I could nap at mak yah's place later unless I fall asleep before we leave home
+==edit==+
23.16pm
Survived the day with 2 unexpected naps haha ok it wasnt that bad
Had a lovely, family and food filled day!
Love hari raya
Also my family watching pitch perfect 2 on tv im like "basically u guys are watching hmx behind the scenes" so I left them alone to do planning
Now if I can find my long abandoned pencil box
Wait im totally lying im still watching Vlogs hahahah ok after I finish my iced coffee I shall get to planning
Woke up feeling calm and quite rested but checked my phone and it's all work
Frog cheese
On the bright side, it's hari raya eve!
Cant remember my dreams again, time to clear my conscience in the form of a to-do list
Insyaallah all will be well!
ps ok i just got a trigger from a photo- i dreamt that i saw the ndp fireworks see la yesterday didnt get to see my brain is angry
+==edit==+
21.28pm
On the way to another mall cause I want to purchase a planner but also I don't want to spend 20$ on one
Also Vivo you granted my wish for a Popular and a Library but why did you have to sacrifice good old Daiso this is not how wishes work
Speaking of wishes I just got dragged by mama and chiqa to watch Aladdin
I havent watched the original yet so this was fun
I've heard my friends say they weren't that impressed but I was but also it felt so unfinished like the end of the story felt like just the beginning
Which is probably the mark of a good movie like I know there's an Aladdin 2 but ok I havent even watched 1 lol
Also I want to watch the full Ndparade
Also we have to go home to cook our raya dishes
Heheh excited
Planner first
Byeee
hello i fell asleep at like 11.45pm but have woken up every hour since then so now im wondering if I should even bother trying to sleep again
+==edit==+
05.10am
I would like to thank the ballinger family for accompanying my night lol I cannot deal with how cute duncan is
But also I should rest
+==edit==+
15.03pm
Everytime I dont feel like posting about national day, I go out and see floods of red and whites and I just have to
Like people (including me duh) made the conscious decision to dress in national colours
Even if it's just to head to the shop downstairs
It's just something else la and ok my wish for you Singapore is to get out of this mid life crisis quick-
Priorities are already made obvious (etc. racial harmony, climate issues and poverty)
Don't take my fellow youngsters for granted- they are (wow disassociation much) as fragile as they are strong
I wish you many years of prosperity, maturity and humanity.
Please up the compassion and integrity overall- as a nation, a government and one united people, and only then we will see progress (we are not a welfare state huh lol)
Ok im reaching vivo wew crowd is crazy (they said la im not inside yet)
But yes, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!!!!
Thank you for being home, there's no place like you indeed
♡
The only downside to my body clock being restored is how uneventful I feel !!!
Wouldve been asleep now since i'd have to leave home in an hour to head to telok blangah and then mersing, but im meant to spend my homeland's birthday right here where I belong where I keep my heart and soul jk my heart and soul is kept in the universe
Looked through old photos to tbt on instagram (by old I mean within the past year lol)
One photo was taken when I skipped hiphop rehearsal (very unnecessary then, still unnecessary now in hindsight)
The past few days within that day I felt so trapped- if I dont go, they give me shit and i'd feel somewhat guilty. If I go, not only do they give me shit but I would be so unhappy
That day I took the risk, I decided to do what made ME happy because all these troubles are like I said, unnecessary and wouldn't matter by the next week
And I was right- those people I felt accountable to, doesnt even matter by the time one particular tuesday came (aka last lesson), it's like they dropped off the face of earth right after I excitedly and very quickly walked away from class and never looked back.
That day I YOLOed hard and decided not to go, giving whatever excuse I could at that time and no longer caring about repercussions
And I headed to Johor with my family for a wedding
Can you scream Best decision ever
Sometimes it might feel like you have no choice, or you're trapped
But almost always we do have choices
It's just whether we love ourselves enough to accept the repercussions,
It's whether we're courageous enough to put ourselves first
It's whether we accept that it's always worth it to risk a bit of trouble
Life is not a videotape, we don't have to pause to reflect or stop to change things
We can do it on the spot, anytime, any place
It's just whether we want it badly enough
+==edit==+
23.17pm
Me scrolling through instagram: imagine if i had friends from uni
Then I remembered hmx lollll cant a girl get normal friends why must I get a frog farm filled with more family members
But I wouldnt trade it for anything else
Losers
Lihatlah apa yang dipesan, bukan siapa yang memesan (Look at what is advised, not from who the advice is coming from)
Just the ability to misread the quote proves a huge point- not one meaning can be gained at any point of time
Thus stubborn one-sided people are just frogs trapped in a human body cause they refuse to wake up and be rational and nuanced
Also idk why im talking about this I want to have a full shower and then get down to harmonix business and do spring cleaning before chilling for the holidays- embracing the week before school starts zzz
Bummed that I couldnt go for the fishing trip but eh things happen for a reason
May they have fun regardless :')
+==edit==+
19.56pm
I feel like I want to be outside now but alas
Had a lovely, semi-productive not really day
Just got home and am out walking to the shop cause yo girl has no means of doing economic transaction (drama cause when do I have time to apply for a new bank card I must go today)
Surprised im rajin enough to leave home again lol maybe cause late night shop runs are lovely cause no humans and peaceful roads
Ok I shall focus on where i'm walking lol dont try this at home
+==edit==+
03.27am
Have to leave home in 6 hours time I am a non well rested being but how
+==edit==+
06.10am
Merely hoping for my affairs to be eased today
So many grown up things to do gross
I like how the gig is the only thing that can drive me to school hah (ok fine harmonix)
Very mixed feelinged that school is starting next week
I'm excited but if I dont get philo mods again right I will screm into the void and abyss
Also technically it's my senior year, this is too insane to think about so I shall not
Like if I don't extend I will be done with school by April next year
(here's hoping all my upcoming mods have no exams hehehehe)
No rush, insyaallah all will fall into place
I just have to keep to my intentions and try my best
Bismillah!
pero like why am I still awake lol girl
+==edit==+
07.44am
Maybe im sleepless cause im excited to get ready cause I want to play with makeup
No idea what i'm doing the rest of the day cause even though yo girl has plans but likelihood of completion is close to nil (is this lack of self belief or is it usage of reverse psychology to myself)
I shall get ready in an hour when my alarm rings psbsuwjso
+==edit==+
21.27pm
Once im home im hibernating
+==edit==+
21.45pm
I say the above and right as I crash and lay down all my sleepiness is gone how unfair
I will force myself a nap anyway
Math homework to be taught and food to be eaten can be later lol
Also one of those days I delay removing my makeup cause I love it
Today went well, alhamdulillah.
All 3 of my to do list done and more (aka got ice cream hehehe)
So we were planning to meet at 11am for breakfast/rehearsal despite calltime being at 12.30pm
And at like 10.45am as I was proud of my new bank card (also my first time using the VTM properly- I DID IT ALL WITHOUT REAL HUMAN INTERACTION, NO QUEUES AND IT WAS ALL SO FUSS FREE!!!) I got a text saying we were supposed to reach at 11am for a soundcheck
A SOUNDCHECK THEY TOLD US 15 MINS PRIOR
Thankfully we were all already nearby school bruh
Had to grab to school pshtt but at least Keichi was there at the right place at the right time
Gig went well, a lot of waiting zz and we learnt that Nitin cannot keep quiet
Every 2 seconds after he stops talking he will beatbox it was hilarious
After the gig ended they accompanied me to pay my school fees omg finally I have friends so waiting isnt so torturous
(Jk yall family)
Headed to JP for a bit before randomly flying to Vivo with titi cause it's both our favourite places hehehe
And now im home supposedly ready to crash and ignore the world but im the opposite of that
I will not succumb to this opposite of sleeping
Brb
I have been a bad diary keeper lol
This past Weds I went to JB for a few days with somemonix, it was really fun we were just inside watching movies until we needed food hahaha
And the last night we did an Insidious movie marathon which is a bonus cause freaking Insidious I love it and I love seeing them get jumpscared lol losersss
Came back to SG on Saturday to more rehearsals cause we had a gig on Sunday
And then rehearsal again tonight for a last minute gig tomorrow
Hustling hard huh hahahah jk it fun
But I have a lot of background work to do
This is a great sign though, I thrive in busyness
Except I love my downtime too which I prioritize wait my battery is 4% psht
Wondering if I should eat at home or outside I have to leave home in about 2 hours
Eh
Also I went home last night to see this ex neighbour of mine- she moved out all the way to woodlands 2 years ago and she regularly comes back to feed the neighbourhood cats
I'm just stumped la like how much love do you have to have to travel all the way back here to meet your furry babies every single time
Mad respect and appreciation post goes out to all these humans out there, yall are angels in your own ways :')
And crises brings out the worst and best of people, but it also shines a darn bright light to stupidity in the form of ignorance and stubbornness
Silence does not mean passivity
People are just taught to listen but not understand
K bye, have a lovely day ahead!
ps still cant feel that it's august cause lost sense of time but wth school starting soon no
Am overloaded with tasks and this is simply a sneak peek of the upcoming academic year
Had a gig earlier today
Ok people are disturbing my work just back off everyhumans
MIA much hahah
Currently waiting for brunch alone cause the rest are either in the apartment or at Subway
This has been so fun and chill, I love how we all have the same bedtime and priorities
Will be watching Insidious while eating before going swimming later in the evening
Excites
K bye hehe