Hole

Hello!
This post has a very... Weird title but hey.
The weekends are here!

Have you ever had those days where you have nothing important to do and you're just surfing the net (or youtube) and be like "Oh what's this show everyone's been raving about"
But then it's like 80 episodes so you're just like "Nope I shouldn't start"
Because you're scared of falling in a hole (does the title make sense now) that you can't get out of.
But you fail to resist that temptation.
Another round of fanwarrioring, this time with new people.
Ohh the pain.
Anyway I have been looking for new youtubers to watch and I am not ashamed to admit that I have found some old gold.
Ok that probably doesn't make any sense.
Like all these while, 70% of the youtubers I subscribe to are beauty and music channels.
So it's nice to find a group of new people.
On the downside though, I have been spending an immensely humongous time on youtube.
It's unhealthy because I have a major math exam coming up in about a month.
And i'm not great at math, so it means I actually have to spend all my time on it.
So, boo you all for distracting me.

(I think the voice in my brain is now british)
Alrighty, I have a baby sister to sit (not sit on her but I am kinda doing that; jk)
Adeu ^^

Reminiscence

Hello!
Had a night filled with feels.
Ah haha.
School starts tomorrow, I don't understand why they can't just start it next week.
Their eagerness to see us all again is suspicious.
Hahaha.
Whatevs, i'm definitely not looking forward for that.

I read back my old blog, this time goin further back in time.
Even though I cringe at my very... Embarassing posts, i'm very glad I kept that blog.
All the memories comes flooding back to me making me feel so nostalgic.
And apparently 14 year old me hated secondary school.
Well girl, i'm sure you wanna take back those words now xD
Pre-university life is much worse, and though it's the end of the second year, there isn't a single moment I can say I enjoyed.
Sad, huh?
If I could go back in time, i'd probably still complain about school, but what i'd do differently is not waste my time mixing with the wrong company, no matter how appealing it seems.
In the end, it really matters who we dedicate our hearts to.
Even though we say things like, "Making the wrong friends makes me realise who the real mates are" blablabla.
But the memories are not worth the hurt that comes with remembering, sadly.
Like Demi says, "Pain is more trouble than love is worth".
Sure I did have fun memories, sleepovers, outings, endless jokes and laughters.
But looking back it makes me more confused on how we loved and lost.
All of us went through changes and i'm happy to see us all grow into better people.
Even though a part of me regrets ending some friendships, I knew I made the right choice then, and I am still sure of it now.
There are days, ofcourse I wished I still have a group of girlfriends with me, making impromptu plans, crashing each others' place like it's our own, talking on the phone till late at night, complaining about school to each other, and just have each other's back.
But i'm sure there's a reason why these friendships don't last despite the effort put in.
And I regret not one bit.
I got a lot of things I haven't gotten closure for, and I have no idea how to ask for it.
Considering the fact that almost 3 years had gone by.
But I hope the closure comes, still.
No matter how long and tedious it might be.
Just thank you guys for making my secondary school life so impactful and well... Nice.
I appreciate all of you and I am sure the memories will stay with me for life.

Okay, emoness gone.
This sunday, SLFC tour at johor!
I gotta see number 8 score okay?!
The last time I saw him play he was pretty impressive so i'm looking forward to seeing him play again.
Though this time Johan is not coming...ugh.
Goodluck my hero, i'm sure you'll be the best one in the pitch, as usual ;)

And guys I truly miss rey mysterio I cannot put it into words I just... Haiseh


Besides that, nothing interesting other than an impromptu plan with wana on monday.
The good part about having a sister is that she is obligated to spend time with you.
Who cares if she has plans with her friends, I come first.
No more worries about who to ask along cause she is forced to.
Had a makeover and floated around.
Fun night!

Alright, I have not been feeling sleepy since the weekends, quite worrying.
But I still sleep though, the difference is I fall asleep at 9am and wake up at 11am.
Or 2pm.
Depends on my body alarm.
I think i'm gonna regret not appreciating the break by resting...
Once school starts i'm pretty sure i'll curse myself xD
Ok what am I, a witch?
Bleargh.
Okay it's 8.08am and I'll... Try not to fall asleep.
Adeu ^^

Hold On

Hello!
Today was just not the best.
I blame it on myself for leaving the house after an all nighter, which made me super lethargic.
But I needed the morning sun and air so wha-heck.
Went to accompany mama for Chiqa's appointment at KK.
Though I missed the bus stop but luckily transit nearby was easy.
Omg...the therapy room has like mats and gymnastics equipments I couldn't help myself.
It was so much fun in there xD
I balanced on a cylinder lying by its side and on a ball.
Ok did I really have to say that.
Ahh, wha-heck, for memory sake xD
And had an appeasing breakfast!
Though I was pretty annoyed with the bus home for taking so long to come, i got to sleep at Chiqa's school for a while lol.
*sings* Gratitudeeee!

I'm feeling quite unmotivated right now.
Quite very.
Ahaha.
It's my last two papers tomorrow but I am...
Ahh forget it.

I just came across this blog post where this girl was raving about how lucky she was to have friends to help her survive school.
They're there for her to find comfort in, they're there to fight the battle together.
And then she mentions that loneliness is a dangerous place to be.
And I totally agree.
Too much time spent alone might trigger more negative than positive thoughts, and in the long run might influence your mindset and actions.
And anyway everyone needs a support system, be it family, pets, your online life or friends.
Just remember, always try to put in effort to be inclusive.
Try not to let someone stay alone especially when you have the means to include.
Most of the time people don't choose to be lonely.
I mean ofcourse some people have those days and others just prefer being alone.
But it's always nice to try!

The outcome of each day depends on you.
Your reaction to things, your mindset, your spirit.
If my day today was represented in a graph, the line would not be totally stagnant, why?
Because I keep a constant effort to pick myself up.
Be grateful for the simplest things and really, sometimes, it's not a loss to overlook others' mistakes and shortcomings.
Everyone on earth fights battles, it's just the level of extremity that differs.
We're all given the same weapons; our heart, mind and soul.
Depending on how wisely we use it, we all triumph daily.
This is why sometimes I truly don't understand why people treat strangers so differently than how they would treat their friends.
I mean regarding general things like...
Okay imagine a stranger knocks into you in the bus, you're bound to feel annoyed and mad at how dumb the person is.
But if it turns out that your friend was the person, you'd most probably shrug it off and move on.
Why?
You really think the people you don't know go around with the intention of 'Knocking down atleast 3 people today'?
No they don't.
Which leads to another point; WHY the heck is "I forgot" such a punishable excuse?
Hello, humans are humans.
We err, we forget.
I don't think anyone walks into class purposefully 'forgetting' to do their homeworks when they know they're gonna get into trouble for that.
It's probably because this excuse is used too conveniently, but still it doesn't make sense to punish someone for forgetting.
Don't even try to talk about responsibility and shit cause I have totally considered that but like I said, forgetting is a genuine mistake
Okay, whatever.

I feel so sleep deprived (ok I should stop complaining) (Wait it is my blog I made this to complain here) (ok fine)
But I can't afford to sleep tonight.
There's a...friendly looking pile of notes waiting for me to flip through and memorize.
Sometimes I wished I was spongebob so I can just absorb the information and squeeze them out during exams.
Of course that'd look weird but it's worth the good grade.
Hahaha.
Alright, I gotta get down and dirty with people who are fighting for independence from 1876, (that was a random year) and William Shakespeare.
Okay then, it's 10.37pm I shall not push my luck any further.
Adeu ^^

ps Get well soon mama

How To Move On

Hello!
Urm dont be disappointed that this post is not about love...
Hahaha no link.
Just wanna say that today's paper sucks (technically yesterday since it's 4am but the sun is not out yet so...)
I wasted 1 and a half hour doing nothing i dont even know why!
*cries*
I was left with like 5 questions when the teacher announced we had 15 minutes left and dayum that felt horrible.
Still hoping for a pass though.
Boooo!
This is the first time I ever not completed an exam paper so... It felt extra bad.
But on the bright side, I have no school today.
And thursday would be my last payper *jozan style* (not sorry, I had to)

Argh im so annoyed at how stagnant my life is I should really go out and do things and not wait for things to happen to me.
My mind has always been a wanderer but physically i'm just doing the same old things.
This is almost like a new years' resolution except it's more like a post-exam resolution.
But then again, who cares.
Exams or no exams, if the dream is a callin' I shall get up and... Rollin'.
Just trynna make that sound catchy.
Kinda works, don't you think?
Hahaha.
Alrighty, I don't know if I should go to sleep.
It's 5am, I don't have anything to do, (okay actually I have to revise but come on)

Oh yes! Before I stop let me share something.
I saw this article with a screenshot of a JC/University graduate who was insulting ITE students.
Bad? Yes ofcourse.
And then the comments, wow the comments.
The public unites to slam this JC girl, and not only that, they begin to slam JC students.
Wow big whooop.
They say "ITE students are more street smart, more hands on, and you university graduates will only be slaves to the ITE kids in the future."
"Even the government is focusing on poly and ITE graduates, who cares about JC kids?"
None, and I mean NONE of the comments tried to nuance things out and at least attempt to acknowledge that even though this JC girl did something offensive and downright wrong, they didn't have to retaliate and demean the JC students just to make themselves feel better.
Now in the neutral public's eye, it seems like the people rooting for the ITE students are being more offensive than the original post itself.
So lesson learnt?
Noone cares if you're a JC or ITE graduate, only the employers do.
(and of course those rigid parents who would possibly disown a child for not attaining a degree)
Both education systems have their pros and cons and I don't even need to mention this shiz.
It's common sense.
So, let me go and watch videos of harith iskander because I feel like it.
Adeu ^^

Hearty Laughter

Hello!
We ended up going to vivo city, where we ate my all time favourite (not really, I just eat nothing else at seah im) beef phad thai!
Then we went to singtel and bought samsung S4 and S5 cause I can't decide which.
Ha ha ha kidding it was for my other family members.
I also want but I love my phone too much.
Whatevs xD
So... I did go to Sentosa again!
To catch the street buskers ofcourse!
On Friday there was a larger crowd but it still wasn't that crowded.
I caught a glimpse of a beatboxer called Pay-by-nets but didn't stop to watch cause we were on the way to 7-11...
Lol no link, I know, whatevs.
We got to catch Aerial manx, he was balancing a ball and a hat on his body.
I mean it's not really balancing, it's like those items were dancing on him (Sounds so weird and unflattering but I promise he is the bomb)
He juggled fire and lit a whip on fire, and for the finale?
He swallowed a sword, did a cartwheel AND a backflip while the sword was like 2cm away from his lungs and 2.5cm away from his heart (amazing stuff right here I felt like clapping till my hands fall off)
Apparently he got a guinness world record for this!
Truly, truly left the audience in awe!
And Mr Spin show, a very funny dude who juggles bats with a glass of water on his bald head while riding a really tall unicycle (impressive is an understatement!)
And the J show, the dude rocks his ping pong balls but I didn't get to watch his full performance cause my sisters wanted to go home bleahh.

Spend the weekends at home, plans to study obviously foiled boohoo.
Noone to blame but myself...
You know why?!
Cause I was watching bubzbeauty's honeymoon videos (IDK WHY I DID BUT I DIDNT REGRET ONE BIT)
Tahiti has always been my dream holiday destination! (aside from Maldives, ofcourse)
And like, most people go to Paris and stuff for their honeymoon but bubz and tim's honeymoon is like precisely whatever I had dreamt of as a kid (no dont even think anything kids can dream ok)
Except the cruise part though, never thought of honeymooning on a cruise but still it was amazing.

Ok for a student who is gonna take her history exam in less than 8 hours time I am too off track.
I just can't fall asleep...
I'm actually sleeping over at my aunt's place, she just gave me my belated birthday present ehehehe.

Meeting Yol tomorrow for a movie and apprently she's giving me my present too!
And guys get this; I still havent given her the gift I bought her last year cause 1) I have NO idea where I put it 2) I cannot find it till now.
And I didn't think I ever would, but I actually missed hanging out with her.
She has been so MIA from my life since fasting month but I don't really go to approach her since it's her A levels year.
Whatevs just leave that toyol alone for like 2 more months hahaha.

Exams are ending soon, tomorrow is my International history paper (think Cold war, Korean war, Global economy and China economy).
Tuesday would be my 2nd MOB paper.
Wednesday is a self-declared holiday (muahaha)
And Thursday would be my Southeast Asian history (think ASEAN, AFC and colonial masters) and my 2nd lit paper.
And i'll be done (for like two days) before I start my intensive moth revision and PW final lap!

I'm contemplating to go to the living room and join mak yah who is watching TV but c'mon I need the sleep.
I don't want to be unable to retain and recall all the information I managed to imprint in my brain.
Hahaha, but honestly I don't feel sleepy yet.
Okay, I shall go try make myself sleepy.
Adeu ^^

Realization

Hello!
You know, for a personal blog of an eighteen year old human, my blog is pretty mundane, lack of emotions and idk... Childish?
Well i'm not gonna define myself though.
I'm not gonna stand and argue that i'm maturer than you think (warning: not a word) cause that's so immature.
Hahaha see what i did there?
Ok trust me i'm not like this in real life.
(I actually am) (hahaha) (but I love myself)
Ok if you're confused on why I am even talking about this, don't worry we're on the same boat.
I guess after reading the blog of someone I know, (this sentence is gramatically awkward but not incorrect I think) I start to see her in a different light.
She is usually very laid back and seemingly uncaring but just like me and most people out there, she does care.
Probably just doesn't know how to show it, or choose not to.
For me personally i've been labelled as 'ignorant' and 'selfish' just because I seem to not care but honestly, I do and I thought I showed it enough (but apparently not, bleargh)

Anyway, all nonsense aside, i'm feeling this holiday!
Having so much fun with my family yet able to spend some quality time revising.
Before the dreaded A levels come, I shall enjoy as much as I can.
Ahahaha jk you know life is the same with or without exams.

On Monday afternoon I fell asleep only to be woken up by my sisters asking me to get ready to go to Sentosa.
Ahh, impromptu plans are the bomb!
Went to watch Wings of time (previously Song of the Sea) and I think i'd be forever amazed.
It was great and a group of arab-caucasian family sat beside us and the baby was so cute.
And then we strolled along palawan beach just to see street buskers performing.
There was a violinist player and the audience were sitting in a reclined chair agghhh so relaxing.
And there was a jazz band playing nearby too.
The atmosphere felt...perfect.
Night skies, windy, by the beach, soft music playing.
Ahh, if only Efron was there with me.
Hahahaha im totally kidding.
Family is the best company.
And then we headed back to the beach station to watch this amazing stunt duo from Canada called Le Dudes
They were amazing!
It made me really want to watch all the other buskers!
The festival ends this week though, but i'm gonna squeeze time for it!
Anyone wanna come with?
Leggo!

Anyway, superlawak fc is playing in johor on the 28th september, so i'll probably see the Jep.
And Anugerah Lawak Warna is set to be on 19th september.
I hate this cause they're making me choose between Zizan, Johan and Jep.
Like are you guys serious right now?!
So I chose not to vote.
Actually I did, once.
I voted for (this is not a presidential election thus I do not have to keep my votes private) Jihan (duh), Sketsa spontan Johara, and.... *drumrolls*
Jep.
Gah tugging on my guilt strings (is there such a thing? Well I think there should be)

Might be going to marina barrage tomorrow, or vivo city.
If it's the latter it means that I get to go to sentosa again!
Alright, I should probably go to sleep.

But before that, let me spend a minute to pray for the health of the people I love.
Dear god, you are the most merciful, so forgive us all for our wrongdoings.
Strengthen our hearts and minds to overcome any challenges you give us.
I pray you grant us with your blessings and protect us from harm.
Amin, amin ya rabbal al'amin.
Adeu ^^
Ps If I pass my AOI essay, thank you Shirley.

Pps If not, still, thank you Shirley.

Butterflies

Hello!
There are thousands of butterflies species out there in the world.
Being at wild wild wet, (I know, what a weird place to have some life enlightening process)-
I realized that inside me, there are 2 kinds.
One I embrace, while the other I detest.
The first kind is the jitters I get before any performances.
The nerves while facing your crush (coughs jep zizan)
The excitement when getting back the exam paper i'm pretty sure I did well in.
The anticipation for things, you know?
Things to be excited about.
But the other, oh behold.
The black butterflies who prevents me from doing things I want to do.
The ones that can be gotten rid of but is too influential on you to give you the push you need.
Meet coward, the black beauties.
These are the butterflies I feel while facing a gigantic ride.
Not that I had always been scared, i'd been a pretty brave kid- but these butterflies seems to have developed over time.
These are the ones that lets me exclude myself from activities, the ones that drains out one's self-confidence.
But it has been proven that these butterflies takes a little to get over.
Just like last december in perak, I took a ride similar to the slide-up with no qualms at all.
But today seeing the slide up in person, (im pretty sure the one at Perak is higher and as steep as this), I chickened out.
No idea why, but inside me was a burning desire to ride it!
I was so annoyed at myself (hahahaha kidding) like why am I even so reluctant to ride it???
Arghh, mysteries of the world.
Hahahhaa okay exaggeration.


Anyway holidays are finally here!
Kicked it off by meeting Jambu at Singapore expo on Saturday.
Boy were they hillarious!
I'm always entertained by their nonsense probably cause I do whatever they do on stage on a daily basis hahaha.
When we walked into the place Pak yus said, "There you guys are! I was waiting for you."
I was just like awwww.....
And Tauke is so sporting as usual!
He was initiating poses and made the cutest expression ever when I told him that "John cena said hi......to me" and laughed evilly seeing his reaction.
(I am aware that most guys do not like to be called cute but im sorry I can't think of a better word, pardon me okay it's 3am hahahah *excuses*)
They were a lot more cheerful than the last time I met them at karoot and MLM semis!
I guess there's no more competition stress haha.
Well, i'm not complaining, this is a good look for them.
Thank you guys for always being yourselves, humble and fun to be around.
And pak yus initiated a selfie with Wana hahahaha.


And I had so much fun today at WWW with my family!
Shagged though, fell asleep at 8pm and now I can't fall back asleep.
I seriously need a nocturnal buddy to stay up and talk nonsense with.

After the holiday, i'll be having 4 more papers before school exam ends.
And then the road to Math A levels and the climax of Project work starts.
And hopefully next year would be more relaxing just like sec 4 life was.
Just revision and mock tests and revisions.
If I do make it, I hope for the best!

Tonight, I pray for my health and for the ones I love.
Dear Allah, please grant us with your blessings and open our hearts to become better muslims.
Give us strength to overcome life's daily challenges and patience to face these events.
I pray for all muslims' forgiveness and wellbeing, Ya allah.
Amin amin, ya rabbal al'amin.
Have a good night ahead guys!

Ps to kekanda kulai, all your friends have reached. When are you coming dear Jep?

Happy Teachers' Day

Hello!
Today's a pretty amazing occasion, it makes me feel so nostalgic.
I mean, being in a school with no teachers who actually impacted me (except cikgu siti hello so thankful for you) makes me appreciate my past teachers even more.

From primary school, Mdm cahaya (and her mystery black bag filled with gifts!), Ms Salmah (fiercest form teacher ever in my schooling life, if I recall correctly), Mr Seah kek koon (one of my favourite), Ms rekha (one of my favourite too, I MISS HER SO BAD), Ms Ang hui li, and my other teachers Cikgu endon (who always give 50cents for those who tops the class; not sorry to say I kinda swiped all hahahha good times), Cikgu suriyah, Cikgu siti, (omg i remember her making us write a composition about a fish that looked like nemo on her first day of teaching us) Cikgu aisyah, (Love them!) Cikgu siti suhaida, the PE teachers, Music and art teachers, were pretty cool people!

And in secondary school Ms Chong, Mrs goh yeo hanni, Ms chan, Ms seah, Mr chaissac (best teachers ever, no doubt about it. Can't thank them enough! Sorry their names come together HAHAHA), Mr Sng, Mrs rajakumar, The awesome PE teachers like Mr amin, Mr Iwan and others who allowed me to skip my 2.4 xD

And my other teachers who ever guided me, Kak wefi, Cikgu Rina, Ms Tan, Mr Liew, Cikgu osman, Abg rizman, Abg mokh.

Most importantly though, my parents, aunts, grandparents, (and can I credit myself to hello experience is the best teacher)
Okay no cheesy things just thank you for doing your part well enough for me to remember you hhahahaha kidding.
Thank you for giving me the memories I can fall back on anytime I start missing primary or secondary school.
Everyone needs these great memories as it is the only way to travel back in time, and I am very thankful for that.
(especially you mr chai and mr issac, for the best classroom memories!)
ALRIGHT, HOLIDAY STARTS NOW!
adeu ^^
Ps shouldnt hve done this now im emo hahahaha

Pps Jk

Ppps I miss 3e3 tho