16.35pm

Some days you just dont feel like moving and that is ok and chill

Today I had 2 exciting things lined up and I didnt go for both

My body is tired from travelling and is recuperating for the next trip on Monday

So funny, holidays are supposed to be recuperating and real life is tiring but it's the opposite hahah

Not complaining though

Usually when afternoon hits then I wished I went out 

But meh im too tired to move

Hahahah k bye

Merry December (02.42am)

Gotta be up in less than 3 hours

It's Nelly's wedding in a few hours and I cant sleep

At least the bride is getting some rest 

Gonna try to force some shut eye at least 2 hours cmon dear self

Merry November (19.19pm)

Super random but im currently in grand ole Jakarta

First ever work trip and boy has it been tiring

But equally fun

Currently resting for the next hour before a 9pm rehearsal

K bye roll around

Happy First Birthday Baby Yayan (01.40am)

This calls for a blog post

It's yayan's first birthday

He is One

Ive always dreaded the day he turns 1 cause so big boy but thankfully, people dont just change on their birthdays

He is still the squishiest cutest bulat baby and will continue being it always hehe

I love you more than words and you really do have my whole heart and soul ♡

See you later my cutie

p.s. your existence has pushed me to freelancing and I love that I get to do that everyday 

15.02pm

WHO decided which footwear matches which outfit

Bruh

02.50am

Ok I thought after a really long day i'd crash right as I got home but apparently not

Fell asleep for like 5 mere minutes and now it's almost 3am

17.55pm

The words are relieved, thankful

Currently managing to take a breather in the middle of an otherwise jam packed no-time-to-eat day

Im even at home instead of having to rush between places!

Alhamdulillah

Here's to the second half of hustling

07.43am

Ive been sleeping well the past week

Like through the night, woke up feeling rested

And nothing changed of course it's just a sleep phase

Actually got 7 straight hours of sleep last night

Had a wonderful, i-dont-mind-doing-it-more day yesterday, had a shoot at 12.45pm, went for lunch at marina, and then a performance at night

Alhamdulillah for everything

01.55am

Just got back from my first standing concert

It's not it bruhhh

Everyone around were so annoying with their phones and adjusting positions but lucky I stood my ground literally

I touched my phone like twice and enjoyed the rest of it

The drums were so loud wtheck like drowned the singer 

Thankfully got a whole acoustic session with just him and the guitar which was 10/10

His voice is amazing live 

Also please, I dont really care....

23.36pm

Subahanallah

Alhamdulillah

Sometimes your blessings far exceed what I deserve but i'm forever thankful

I hope to be one of those who always gives back and eases people's affairs 

♡ 

Merry September (05.28am)

Had a week of extreme morning birdness and was a little excited about it but of course

Back to not feeling tired until the sun comes up 

Hahaha

Happy Sunday, may today be beautiful, filled with light and love ♡ 

11.38am

Cant remember the last time I had more than 3 consecutive hours of sleep

I got almost 7!

Aka I feel my body clock either changing or ive just been recharging from the exciting past weektt

03.41am

Me seeing the time: oh it's only 3.41am

Hopefully I get at least 4 hours of sleep tonight plspls body clock hehe 

01.14am

So many things to be grateful for

I feel so loved and blessed

Had a beautiful day

Im still in disbelief

Alhamdulillah

Happy birthday to me ♡

06.01am

Me over here thinking I should go on a hike to commemorate my last day being 26

Cause I cant sleep

Aka refuse to

(Hi daya if youre reading my cant sleep posts HAHAAH) (i sang that line)

But then the weather app just had to say it will rain

Hmmmmmmmm 

Imma shower and check the app again lol

15.33pm

August has been so filled with exciting events that I didnt even realise it was my birthweek

But now that I have, I will live with a bit more zest and liveliness

Turning 27 in four days

So many unfulfilled daydreams, but also living dreams I had never dreamt of before

Alhamdulillah for everything, no rush

04.39am

Had a lovely Thursday alhamdulillah

Calltime at 12.30pm later for recording and ugh why do I always end up not sleeping before recording

Whatever not gonna force my body 

Bismillah for the day ahead!

18.05pm

Im just watching the 40 million instastories of tokti at the David foster concert and it's so sweet how loved she is by malaysians (and of course everywhere else but you know)

Like theyre still so proud of her even though she has been number 1 singer for decades now 

Speaks a lot about the relationship she has with her supporters

I AM ALWAYS PROUD OF U TOKTI i wished I could watch your show tonight

Cant wait to see you again

04.44am

I thought i'd crash by 11pm but I think I absorbed too many people's energies that im unstoppable

Had a lovely and fun filled weekend, Alhamdulillah!

First time visiting Bukom Island, being a firefighter, going to the National day concert and witnessing yayan and reyhan's first fireworks, had earl's first community gig, sitting outside civic centre for 6 hours

I had fun

Very much lack of sleep but my body for 3-5 days after 1 day of 6 hours of sleep- I already slept

K bye

p.s. wow i just realised my 3 latest posts are all posted on the same timeish lolz nice consistency 

04.44am

Alhamdulillah for everything, Ya Allah

Kindness begets kindness

Make us one of your lovers, Oh Allah.

Thank you for easing my affairs, and for all the rezeki you've bestowed.

Repay the kind people manifolds and protect us from harm and evil eye.

Positive vibes only

04.45am

I should be asleep... 

Need to be up by 4 hours and need my body to have energy

Exciting workday ahead though bismillah!

Merry August (16.13pm)

Starting the month with alone time at home

May this month be filled with dream chasing, good vibes, and love and light

04.19am

Too much emotions to unpack and thoughts to unravel but just dont want to deal with it right now

It's a privilege i'm not taking for granted

07.54am

I could sleep an hour more

+==edit==+

23.01pm

Tired

Feels abit like jatuh ditimpa tangga

But not really, when I focus on the good

But as of this second, it feels like that

03.46am

I dont want the waste of time that comes with sleep

But I want the restfulness,

And the temporary forgetfulness

The temporary lack of feelings

Happy birthday nenek!!!

So happy to be able to start the day with you even though you have to work hahaha

♡

+==edit==+

05.06am

How come writing can do two things at once;

It can help you release feelings, let go of emotions,

But it can also concretize the feelings, solidify the emotions

What a double edged sword

But worse cause even the handle is made out of blades

Lol 

+==edit==+

09.41am

Simply cant sleep.

Even you get to sleep to escape your pains

Oh well.

Im the strong one

Patience, heart. 

+==edit==+

12.07pm

I simply give up trying to sleep

+==edit==+

12.13pm

Also my instagram explore page should realign itself and bring back my top tier memes and not bombard me with sad quotes and writings !!!!!

21.27pm

Maybe trying too hard is a thing

It is, I know

It's an exciting week so I shall stay in positive lights

Only good vibes allowed to enter my space

!!!

00.02am

Cant believe I freakin watched Barbie

Most of all, cant believe a part made me cry

I can describe it in 3 words in order of accuracy;

Nonsensical

Entertaining

Real

Hahaa dont get me wrong I love barbie movies like barbie in the fashion fairytale, fairy secret, I memorise!

Mermaid tale, im the queen of the waves 

But yea those are.. better 

Also some people in the theatre actually clapped for the movie but

Whatever makes you happy people

+==edit==+

00.10am

Oh, John cena was the best part

Love u superhero 

06.44am

My softness is a strength

My heart remains steady and vulnerable

You can pierce stakes through it or shoot arrow from afar like the cowards you are

But the blood that pours out is what heals it further and makes it stronger

I should sleep

03.35am

Saw some of my old posts about babysitting yayan and I kinda miss our little routines

Milk every 3 hours, bathtime at noon, several naps a day, me using the tiny slithers of time I had to myself to either shower or eat or drink coffee (very rare times where I get to do all 3)

Now he's such a big boy, he's in school most of the time, he can stand all by himself and crawl so fast everywhere

He laughs so much and smiles at everything

He's too cute and im so emotional at the thought of taking care of him at 3 months old

I'm having a a month of... procrastinating my processing

At least on the deeper side

I dont want to say so much happened because it doesnt feel right to say that at all

I have my shakayaniqin and mak ngah in my mind and heart every single day ♡

Currently sleeping over nenek house for the week but I use the term sleep loosely hahaha

Finally had rehearsal after 8 days of break, last min Johor trip and SICF

Very inspired

Heart still torn, despite all

Really feeling the loss, I never want to say "It doesnt feel real" because as much as it doesnt, noone wants to hear that

This is the first time im even thinking about it, and my eyes are already tearing up.

This is why I procrastinate my processing

Not now, not alone, yet.

Ya Allah please grant us strength, your light and your love.

Protect us and guide us.

Amin, amin.

Again, finally had rehearsearl after 8 days and it feels good to hear us again

We got this my loves

♡ 

18.15pm

Jadi orang jangan menyusahkan orang lain

Insyaallah keikhlasan tiada batasnya

No promises though

07.08am

Not me waking up an entire 3 hours before my alarm

06.50am

Woke up exactly an hour ago unsolicitedly 

Mornings are cruel sometimes

Got to leave home in 40 mins so why am I still rolling around unbotheredly

Also no idea what time I fell asleep but I feel rested so thank you body for recharging yourself

+==edit==+

07.24am

Haha so silly right as I finished showering to leave home at 730am I got told calltime is pushed to 945am

Couldve rolled for 90 more minutes but alas

It's ok can rest my eyeballs

02.17am

And there goes my wonderful plan of sleeping 10pm-4am 

Dear self you got to be up in 4 hours

Also just now I downed a cup of pretty strong iced latte because concert was starting and we weren't allowed to bring in drinks

Note to self to stock up on candy for later

Especially seeing that I probably wont be asleep anytime soon 

05.42am

Should probably be asleep

My brain is like work starts at 4pm so for what sleep early

Engrossed searching online for performance outfits didnt realise the time

Time to pick up seamstress skills cus nothing that exists match my vision

+==edit==+

16.06pm

AlWaYS. 

The day I decided not to bring my necessities bag I HAVE NECESSITIES

Pfft 

+==edit==+

22.19pm

Today I decided to bring less things

So I left my tiny bag of everything behind

I needed nail clippers- it was in that bag

I needed clips- they were in that bag

I NEEDED KEYS- THEY WERE IN THAT BAG

And then I needed my electric fan- guess where they were.

Bruh

I just got to enter my house after 1 hour of waiting outside

Luckily I got back my portable charger from cena

And thankfully cherie used the festival pass as a fan, so I did the same

Ok 

Tomorrow will be better

Bismillah

02.04am

I cant sleep on normal days but the past two nights has been my body fighting any semblance of sleep in the night despite me barely able to open my eyes (like right now)

Brain so awake

Body ready to recharge

But also, it's only 2am

Had such a long day that I thought it was 4am 

19.59pm

Ya Allah please grant us strength

And energy 

And an armour made from your love

Grant me strength

And endless energy

At least for the time being

00.44am

Cant believe (can believe) that I spent 19$ on ice cream to get a free quby plate

My head saying: I want to eat nasi goreng on a quby plate

Hahahahahahaha

And I got a cute one

But also the promo was supposed to end 30th June but I asked anyway and they said CAN

Now im two boxes of magnum (something ive never bought before lolol) and a quby wearing a cheese hat plate richer

Dabs 

+==edit==+

04.23am

Trust Jozan to make me happy 

Being an entertainer is really a calling

You never know whose day you're turning, whose hearts you're changing and whose lives you're saving

May Allah bless people who makes others happier and at ease ♡

Merry July (13.12pm)

I keep the sadness and heartaches in my prayers, safe with you, as we step into a new month

Only light and love will follow me through

Bismillah

01.06am

Keep the faith

Keep going

Trust the universe

Had a lovely Aidiladha

Alhamdulillah for family and food

Yayan laughed so much today! 

Went hiking on Wednesday, it rained the entire morning so we just played games at Timezone

(Just nice had 30$ for 50$ credits promotion ahahahah love it)

The rain stopped when we finished playing so we decided to just easy hike by walking to fort siloso and not avoiding staircases

What a silly day but had lots of fun too

03.23am

I feel like WWE time moves differently

It's too crazy to comprehend how lesnar and heyman are still a thing 20 years on

TWENTY YEARS.

Thats crazy and too much for the math hating brain of mine

00.53am

Me getting annoyed over a survivor series match from 2007

Hahahahah

Lozer umaga lozer mr kennedy lozer mvp lozer big daddy v (i typed baddy i was right) and lozer finlay >:(

+==edit==+

12.02pm

Played a video of kane vs triple h to fall asleep to and of course I had kane nightmares omg why do I do this to myself hahah

But it was cool I was slipping in and out of kane's pov and the people around him

He was like sneaking around backstage hiding from everyone and anyone who irked him he just beat up 

And then there was a group of interns playing water gun and just splashed whoever they see (backstage was dark, only the lights from monitors) and one of then bodoh splash kane so all of them kena chokeslam hahaha

But the good part is, kane was ready to beat up dom mysterio for being rude to his dad so kane was protecting reyrey hahahah

Ok bye 

04.14am

Alhamdulillah for a few things!!!

My appetite is BACK

Great way to celebrate it with dory penyet at rehearsearl

We finished arranging our SONG

Finally got to reunite with my north pole sisters, SEE FAHRI ♡♡ and enjoyed iced honey lemon right after that

Got to finally play an indoor playground after years

We had so much fun hahaha

Love them forever and ever

Not everyone can say they have that shared memory of surviving secondary school together so it's such a special thing

06.25am

Even though I only have 2.5 hours before my alarm rings,

I hope I get sweetdreams tonight

17.31pm

Sometimes when I need a quick cry I just watch Wrestlers' retirement speeches 

So freaking sad i will never get over them

Also i still havent watch reyrey's HOF induction even typing this it doesnt feel real that 1) i didnt watch it live 2) HE. IS. A HALL OF FAMER

Last night was rough crashed without warning just to wake up 2 hours later feeling so unwell and was just torturously tossing and turning for half hour straight 

But alhamdulillah, woke up feeling much much better

Went out yesterday to my home sentosa but wow I felt worse than I thought aka I was more unwell than I thought and could feel it everytime we walked 

But all is well

Love the company, love the beach forever

♡

Want go again and SWIM (@uncearl) 

K bye

+==edit==+

17.41pm

Men should watch (old) wrestling cus they'll know how to be MEN 

Aka you are allowed to cry and show emotions because hiding them does not make you cool 

+==edit==+

18.13pm

I'll always be a wwe girl la ok im too intertwined it's literally a part of me 

So i will let my instagram continue being a highkey wwe fanpage hahahah aka my life journey 

14.15pm

Water sucks aka it makes me nauseous sometimes from the lack of taste but I love ice

Tell me why i just ate an ice cube and feel nauseous!?!?! 

Bruh im not 100% yet maybe the beach will heal me (yes it will)

14.04pm

Grant me peace, ease my heart ya allah.

Attempted to eat my first meal since sunday afternoon but bleh no appetite 

Cant even finish a cup noodle 

Dont want to waste today like I did yesterday but

No idea what to do

20.06pm

Wanted to bring myself out since 2pm I even put on blusher but

Alas

+==edit==+

20.35pm

I'm patient because my trust in god is endless

01.02am

It's always darkest before the dawn

+==edit==+

16.17pm

Feeling hot and cold

Both inside and out

Merry June (06.35am)

I think I have a dont-sleep-before-trip lifestyle

22.50pm

I know my pain is just imposition

03.59am

Just here to announce that yayan is the cutest ever ever everrrr ♡♡♡♡ k bye

Also how long has my current night owl streak been it feels like it's been forever that my bedtime is >6am 

Meh

Had a shoot in Sentosa today and heheh my house

I was the unofficial tour guide aka everyone anyhow copy where i go lol

A downtime today before a packed weekend of performances

2 sets on Sat and then Hmx concert on Sun 

And then dk do what for a few days and then off to Batam after YEARS

Bismillah for the next few days

Alhamdulillah I think im fully recovered, though I havent sang Heartattack in like 2 weeks 

But luckily it's my karaoke song growing up loll

I literally dont have my concert outfit yet hahahah maybe i'll find it today

I really dont feel like sleeping I want to just wait for sunrise and then go out and find things to do but also I will listen to my body 

+==edit==+

08.41am

Literally showered to motivate myself to go out

But it made me want to go to bed instead

Lolzers

05.58am

Although I cannot be bothered to make myself sleep earlier than I want to, I still think dang it I should be asleep

Even though my calltime is 2pm I will have to leave home at 12.45pm and thus wake up at 11.30am latest which means I have 5 hours to sleep if I even fall asleep within the next half hour

Whateva yolo swag 

Lol k bye

01.45am

Really doesnt take much to make me happy and at ease

I miss vivo again

03.28am

Letting these feelings take their time to sink in while we continue being sparkled by the high 

Thankful for today

Had very lots of fun 

E.a.r.l 

Cant wait for body (aka my instrument) to recover 100% but so very grateful it healed in time for tonight

Yay @ me

Yay @ us

K bye

+==edit==+

23.07pm

Another night with a filled heart

My bedtime has been 6am everyday for a week or two now

Busked at mbs today with my family and it was so fun they were so supportive, just like yesterday 

Titi came alone but she and chiqo were like bffs sitting infront of us hahaha

Love that there's no concept of weekday/weekend for me

Alhamdulillah for everything

This past two days just makes me wanna work harder

And very very thankful that my throat recovered in time for the competition last night and for the (supposedly 3 hours session) tonight (our battery died so we sang 2 hours only)

Realised I can hit high notes no problem but falsetto hurts I mean it makes sense im not 100% recovered anyway 

Now I have 6 days to recover properly for another 2 hour setlist and then a Demi solo which we all know I usually avoid cus I wanna do my girl justice 

But we have come too far to think now

Ok bye

04.57am

Still. Recovering.

This whole week sleep hasnt been my friend

Full night owl mode but thankfully my plans are all afternoon

Survived a focus group earlier today, really really thankful 

I was panicly googling how to avoid coughing and surprisingly the solution that worked was to just take constant sips of water (aka keeping the throat not dry)

And I finished 2 bottles of PLAIN water in 3 hours (yes they are tiny baby bottles but still bottles) and then a box of lychee drink in the last 10 mins

First rehearsearl ever where I couldnt sing eek sucks but issok still had the most fun

Exciting few days ahead so I hope my body cooperates

Today should be a proper rest day but who are we kidding I will probably fall asleep at 6, 7am and wake up at 11am

A raya gathering later today which I am so excited for cus didnt get to jalan raya much at all this year sads!!!

Ok la bye

01.34am

It's better to be alone than being with someone who makes you feel alone

Spent 3.5$ on overpriced iced honey but it was cheaper than freakin toast box??? (3.70$)

Lol 

On a self declared vocal rest journey

Didnt think busking would turn me from a once a week singer to a... full time one

Lol but truthfully not even vocal rest cause of that it's just the warm internals 

What does that even mean

Fell asleep at 6am yesterday due to lack of tiredness and idk same feeling so far 

But im hoping to rest abit earlier god knows my body wont decide to do such silly things

Ok bye

04.43am

Felt better after resting the whole day but

There's just something about nighttimes that undoes the daytime recovery

Pretty sure I googled about it before and there are scientific reasons but whatever

My throat which felt like 80% good just now is now back to being 70% pain

Oh no too many numbers in a post

Ahaha I should probably sleep soon but just not sleepy

Anyway never watched tv but ptx was robbed from masked singer and Norway shouldve gotten top 3 for eurovision

(Literally never watched any of those shows and i dont know how the shows even work but still HAHAHA)

Ok bye

15.44pm

First time this year my body forced me to rest 

Appreciate it though

Exciting few weeks ahead and would need all the energy I can muster so this crash was kinda needed loll 

Couldve done without the painful throat though eek 

Fever totally gone by now alhamdulillah

Kept waking up every like 25 mins through the night cause I was burning up (not jobros) 

No energy to get food but im craving for fried rice so maybe i'll just cook if I somehow find energy cus if not i just wont eat hashtag not a basic need 

Ok idk what im saying bye 

07.34am

Cant remember the last time I woke up at this time for no reason and feel ready to just be awake

11.42am

Do people really not know me enough to know that I simply Do NOT care!!!

Lolzerss 

Finally a rest day today

Rest day but work night

Grateful and excited

01.44am

Long day ahead x I should be sleeping

Gotta leave home in 6 hours

Merry May (05.53am)

How did this year unofficially become a not-daily-blogging year so far 

I wanna change that though

Anyway it's been so long since I had a 7am calltime

Hustle mode is back on after like basically 3 weeks of break

Hehe bismillah 

Will be back to blog about the fun weekend

+==edit==+

11.17am

Back and settled down from shoot

Resting awhile before tutoring and then errands running

It was a short shoot actually, barely 2 hours

Alhamdulillah all was eased

I want to jalan raya!!! 

Salam Aidilfitri! (03.28am)

Me in 6 hours would hate current me for NOT BEING ASLEEP

14.53pm

Aidilfitri; returning and celebrating a pure state of being after the holy month

We are the most blessed and I hope we never take it for granted

The heart never lies

You can feel it

09.08am

Dont even know how much I slept last night, like 2 hours again or 3 hours 

Lolol 

Had an impromptu day yesterday

Planned to go out by myself but god surrounded me with loved ones

Also got to try shoes ive been eyeing for years

I would have bought it if not for the troublesome hook

I have a PHD in raya heels and hooks are not it 

No matter how... gorgeous and comfortable they are (crieS)

13.01pm

Why do I keep NOT sleeping

Sis

I just got ready cause I know I wanna go out today but

I realise I slept barely 2 hours for no reason except refusal and lack of desire

Had a really silly rehearsearl last night hahaha we literally scheduled it to finish a song but we ended up doing so much nonsense but to be fair it was mcdonald's fault for making us wait extra long for food (cause their system cleared and our orders disappeared) 

But anyways

My body is awake and fresh I literally already have blusher and lipoil on I just got ready just to go back into my pjs 

Cause my eyes hunty, are so tired, as it should be 

Zzz

Today is no rush day anyway I answer to noone but myself

04.57am

I have been pulling all nighters for the third night today and so funny cause when nearing sahur time then im like wow im so fresh but it's just I havent slept

Btw why do smartphones and social media and everything good like to DOWNGRADE with their every update 

Nonsense

+==edit==+

06.52am

I SHOULD SLEEP

AT LEAST GET A POWER NAP

But im not sleepy at all

But I have a really long day ahead

Yes it is fun but still long day

Ok sleep my alarm will ring in like less than 2 hours

+==edit==+

15.32pm

We dont always need a reason for doing things

Oftentimes it's enough to just do because you feel like it

Im blogging now but im literally walking toward seeing my baby yayan!!!

Like literally going up the stairs to him now 

My heart is exploding of excitement to see that little face

17.51pm

No joke I am DEEPLY YEARNING to go to vivo (aka I have this feeling once every few months)

So funny I literally just went there after choir like last tuesday but it was just a quick dip into ntuc for sushi

Also last friday I brought myself out to nowhere in what felt like forever, (it felt SO nice just taking the first bus that comes and knowing I had no obligations except do what I want) and ended up at Esplanade library

Picked up a book about Queen (the band not the woman) (pronounced woo-Men cause rhymes) and managed to read 100 pages before buka time and eventually rehearsal

I feel super in holiday mode- I think after pretty much non-stop hustling the past 2 months and then the intense disney training and a few shoots at the start of April, suddenly I get a break and it feels equally weird and much needed

I get to embrace the rest of ramadan and prepare for raya in my own pace

Of course, ready to go back hustling after the first few days of raya I guess but for now, I am content and thankful 

Alfie is 2 :')

I miss yayarn and fahri 

19.54pm

I thank you for your guidance,

Clear as day

07.58am

Maybe God made us different so I can absorb pain on our behalf

Keep me steady, make me the bigger person who will always choose love over ego

If anything, i'll get more pain upfront but no regrets later

Remind myself you're hurting, somewhere, something, and you are unable to express it 

Remind myself that the cure to these strong feelings is love and light

Pain cannot cancel each other out

If I can choose how to react, so shall I

Had a mini raya shoot last night which meant I got to wear baju kurung and play bunga api

Had a lonely boring night but today is all up to me

I miss Vivo and Sentosa so I might do something about it

Let me check the weather forecast (pls be good) 

Have a wonderful day

+==edit==+

08.10am

Ok I just rewatched the bratz movie after so long and wow for a movie I can almost memorize, I felt new feelings

So... nostalgic, in a could've been way

I thought my life would turn out that way but sis we're so far off

Issok, all will be well 

23.22pm

Im not sad but

My heart is sad

23.49pm

Did a few new things today, including an audition, and only managing to break my fast at 7.46pm

(Not good)

I miss sentosa/vivo so much that I was at redhill and felt happy that I was so near sentosa

Hahahaha I will visit you soon i miss u 

08.11am

Slept so long and woke up so tired I kept sleeping again

Should really get up now

+==edit==+

22.47pm

Listening to Scream on my walk back from the bus stop and I CANT STAND STILL

Oh wow the song ended right as I reached my front door hehehe meant to be

I love hsm la 

Also had a choir session just now wow 

18.28pm

Im a being who would always happily remove herself from situations I refuse to be in, regardless of consequences (cause yolo i do what makes me happy duh)

But times like these I push through and im like I'm Resillient?! I'm actually John Cena

Survived 4/5 days of training- quite bittersweet but mostly sweet cause no joke, I get dehydrated everyday

So many moments I wanted to tap out but I somehow didnt wtheck how even

Hahaha but

Alhamdulillah, better than staying home doing nothing

One. More. Day to push through

I'll try to embrace the day no matter how exhausted and dizzy I get 

Maybe i'll even talk to people

Hahahahah

Merry April (05.38pm)

I want to sleep but

Reyrey will be inducted in the HOF in a few hours

I still cant believe it

I should try and nap god knows I need it

17.53pm

Almost panicked thinking it's April first and I didnt prank anyone 

Heheh

Barely survived today's training but wow @ me, just wow

It's very tiring, very enjoyable and my throat hasnt felt this dry in forever lol but im a strong one mr grinch

2/5 days down, I still feel like it's just a workshop but it's actual work training and it's so weird that it's that serious

I probably have a bruise on the weirdest place, (the wrist of my feet wtheck is it even called HAHAHA google jap wait)

(K bye im in circle line there is no service here)

K bye again

18.23pm

Subahanallah

Had a very trying morning but everything else turned out beautifully thanks to His grace

Very tired

Thanks to my lack of sleep and dehydration

At least I got to nap in the Disney office (epic, btw)

Never thought i'd step foot into a Disney office this early in my life but yayy to new experiences!

Although WHY does it gotta be at the dreaded One-north hahahaha I thought my constant journeys to Mediacorp was enough

Also my Ryde driver totally owes me 70 cents pls ahahaha jk im not calculative but like I took the ryde at 8.20am and only reached at 9.15am- bruh

Reached nenek's and settled baby yayan who is having a high fever and now I am taking time to myself to recuperate

But alhamdulillah, survived today

Although technically got choir after this but it's at 7.45pm which is so early at least make it 8.30pm

Okay tired

I shall rest 

14.31pm

I had to click on the Rey finally punching Dominik video and bruh the crowd was on fire

Im trying not to cry challenge seeing the outpour of love for my reyrey

I wished I could be there in person to see him get inducted 

I failed my child self by not seeing taker's and WHO IN THE HECKY DOODLE (NOT ME) would expect reyrey to be literally headlining the next year

My heart cannot take this

01.40am

Why

Worst sides

Right people

Dillemma

Cant put into words tonight 

But

Felt like writing anyway

Night bird morning owl 

Same

Youthful

How much more patience within me-

Could it actually be unlimited?

When to let be and when to shake up 

Will I ever know

Or will I just have to wait to find out

+==edit==+

18.17pm

I just reread some old posts from 2017 and sis I wrote so long and detailed in the posts which is CORRECT

Present me should learn from past me

This month is a lot of putting myself second but most of it is out of love

Ultimately I know to just do what I want to do 

Break fasting with somemonix later i cri when was the last time that happened :') 

Should leave soon but there's a student beside me doing work and I patiently await trying not to fall asleep ahaha

10.48am

Construction at home, construction at grandma's house

Cant a girl get some peace!!!

Sesungguhnya aku berpuasa 

07.34am

Every year, one month a year, I have to keep reminding myself not to grab an ice cube when walking past the fridge

I swear I accidentally pop one into my mouth and then realising- like once every 2 years

Heheh

Ramadhan mubarak to all of us

The inertia feels stronger, I think cause it's so close to the new year and I didnt mentally prepare for it but

Bismillah and may this be a better Ramadhan than previous years 

Aminnn 

15.36pm

Sometimes wished I was heartless

It would allow me to enjoy things without any semblance of hurt

Dabs

20.53pm

Successively appeared on tv and bruh the mortifying ordeal of being known

So cringe at the thought of people seeing me but it's ok as long as I dont see it i'll be fine

HAhaha drama

Im currently sitting across yayarn and nenek, watching sepahtu on tv and just ate bazaar food

Good night though I was supposed to end my babysitting day at noon and then go for my own adventures

Ended up staying but his cute little face is worth it 

23.17pm

Tried so hard to remember yesterday because I was trying to explain to my concert group how the parts sound in my head; it's like knights and specifically the statues that dropped from hogwarts walls when summoned by mcgonagall in the battle of hogwarts

Suddenly lying around right now I remember the spell; Piertotum locomotor 

14.07pm

Im gonna get emotional watching reyrey videos

But i cant not watch them!!!

Te amo mi numero uno T.T 

16.12pm

Alhamdulillah, having a much better week than the last 

Yayan just knocked out after his bath which is so funny cause usually even when he's asleep he'll stir and move when we move but this one is just tired like he just finished working overtime 

He even napped 3 hours in the morning which let me nap too so

Yoda best yayarn 

♡

05.57am

Exactly 24 hours out of the house and finally settled down

Eyes have been ready to rest but my brain is like Omg Buenos Dias!!

Ugh I shouldnt have typed in spanish makes me emotional all over again about reyrey being inducted already cried 2.5 times i

Ok good morning to the normal beings and,

Goodnight sweetdreams to me

13.03pm

I needed alone time to feel and release

But obligations call me

Again, 

What hurts most is having to put up a strong front

Oh Allah, help me go through today.

I put my heart in your hands, the hands that will never hurt or let me doubt for a second

Protect me.

+==edit==+

16.03pm

When god already made it easier on the heart, why still fight to feel?

Be present.

In the present everything is okay.

Im happy,

I just brought yayan to the playground for the first time and he fell asleep right when we got home

Im waiting for spicy nuggets which is done cause the airfryer just dinged

Im drinking iced green tea and even though I have zero data it's still so fast for the first time ever

In the present, everything is okay

Ultimately, all is well

10.52am

Eh annoying eh

Im rereading my posts and how obscure and undetailed can i be

I had to check my calendar to see what I was referring to on which days

Wow

Note to self: blog like you mean it!!!

Ok that being said

Survived 3 days of full day babysitting, and ended it with a dinner with doya where we ended up freezing until almost 5am 

Had a zoom interview at 10am just now but it was basically a question and answer 

The interviewer asked who's my favourite disney character and why

Me: sharpay evans

HHAHHAHA same 

Ok bye 

02.41pm

Tried to avoid all ptx related posts

I called it their off mic song will be My heart with you and they'd sing Be my eyes

My heart is SO SAD!!!!!

I was asleep for the past 4 hours probably 

Why did I do this to myself 

+==edit==+

19.29pm

The loneliness is real man

But it's ok

Myrepublic is acting like circles did right before I unsubscribed

So yes the universe is supporting my lack of connections

Dabs 

13.32pm

In 20% less pain than last night but still

Very very sad that I wont be going for pentatonix tonight

Even typing that feels unreal

I hate that thought!!!

So I shall live in denial for now

Baby finally fell asleep

I think im gonna crash too before he wakes up for next feeding

02.50am

Exhausted and in physical pain kinda

Have been out for 20 hours and awake for longer

Gotta be up in basically 5 hours 

Another long day tomorrow, and then three full days of babysitting

Already tired for future me but I hope for our sake she somehow gets some rest somewhere to recharge cause from the looks of it... aahhaha

Today was supposed to be the recharge leisure day I even got a massage but lolol the cik is so tiny but so strong I was hurting in places I never knew existed

I guess in a good way, idk

Ok im more than ready to crash

But-

Good to know I dont cross your mind

+==edit==+

03.42am

No joke eh, im actually in too much pain to fall asleep

The cold weather is making the pain worse

The irony of needing to rest to recharge but too tired to fall asleep 

Help

11.17am

In recent years 2nd March has been one of my favourite days just cause I cant stop making Two March jokes

Merry March (13.38pm)

Thank you, February.

Sometimes god returns the favour to those who wronged you so immediately, and so subtly, it reminds you to reflect on your own words and behaviour.

Dear God, please don't make me someone who hurts others by my words and actions. 

Let me take care of hearts, as many as I can carry

14.32pm

Truly, hurt people hurt people

I have to tutor at 3pm but I am still in bed

Wanna get up but dont feel like it

18.27pm

Of course a hurting heart yearns for solitude,

Trying to hide and appear okay in front of others can be more painful that the actual pain

Alas, 

We have things to do and places to be

Gotta fight through it at least till the night

Where once again,

Solitude comes visiting

Ironically that's the last thing I want

03.11am

I should really be asleep

Long and probably physically and mentally demanding day ahead

+==edit==+

19.27pm

Survived today- barely

Same thing tomorrow but hopefully this time round I manage to fall asleep

I owe it to myself to do better 

Anga bought me brunch but I had to leave home with yayan's bagpack, left hand carrying him and right hand dragging his heavy pram along

Thankfully he was calm the cab rides

But CABS- cus baby I ended up spending 40$ on cab today

And tomorrow too

But it's ok

This is hustle life I guess

Bring baby to work days

Ahaha 

K im exhausted 

00.24am

I mean past me wouldve been heartbroken but current me will just Whatever you into oblivion 

12.21pm

Just Alhamdulillah

You have made me following my heart the right thing to do despite, despite.

Thank you for your constant guidance and light, and blessings.

No words.

05.52am

I actually slept through the night and woke up rested?

I think cause didnt nap yesterday hahaha hashtag literally sleep like a baby cause usually i nap when yayan naps

Ok bye i should rest before his next feeding 

22.06pm

A breather

Had a lovely day with Alfie and Khali

It was us two 26 year olds trying to keep 2 babies happy 

Best part of all we still got to do all that while watching HSM 2????

I love

22.47pm

“A great Hope fell

You heard no noise

The Ruin was within”

— A Great Hope Fell by Emily Dickinson

Hope is our strongest armour and our greatest weakness

How is that even POSSIBLE

Also went on memory lane today (happens when youre lonely and want to make yourself feel better, revisit the past where things have already happened and you had friends and stuff)

Got a heartwarming feeling reading old "I'll always love you"s and "cant wait to see you"s 

From people I dont even talk to anymore (not by my choice, usually)

Well, I still do love you people and I hope everyday that you only get good things and happiness and love

I also hope to feel less alone but the universe has been telling me to be around bodies of water to feel better

Right now the only body of water im around is the bathroom 

Im supposed to catch the last bus to nenek's place but I have no motivation to move

00.56am

I love having no obligations to humans

04.57am

Only in Allah can I find solace and peace,

Only in Him can I get answers without getting answers

Only in Him is my heart secure, and never hurt

I pray you never abandon me and always show me the way out, the way towards you 

I know we are all protected by your merciful hands 

Ya Allah, I leave my heart in your hands.

Merry February (00.43am)

Always touching the left side of my chest saying It's okay, you'll be okay, we'll be okay

21.23pm

I'm ending January of this year filling so blessed, accomplished and free

What a day to end the month, me fulfilling 2 things that has been persistently on my to do list this month

Bismillah for the exciting journey ahead

May I always find it in me to be the bigger person, bigger lover and be someone who always betters the lives I come across

Amin

01.07am

May we be forgiven for the hearts we've hurt and broken

And may our own hearts heal before it has a chance to spill over

It's nobody's loss but it doesnt make it easier

Why do people choose heartbreak? 

12.59pm

I miss blogging but I don't know why I don't

As with many things in life

Anyway this cold dreary weather lack of sun is making the mood so mellow

Cmon mr sun, you can do this give us our vitamin D and happiness back

Lol 

+==14.45pm==+

Bruh I forgot my own format

Anyway

People who are not POFCATs should all be shipped to another planet

02.39am

Yesterday I sang yayan a barney song and he LOVES it!!!

I should... be asleep.... 11am calltime but all the way at mediacorp

17.19pm

I don't know who has been praying for me from afar, but im beyond blessed and I pray Allah returns their kind prayers manifolds back 

I always have the question "When's the last time you did something for the first time?" at the back of my head

Although it started ironically (it was a meme on facebook probably), I realise it's quite a fun way to live life

And I just finished doing something for the first time ever and I hope it is just the beginning of a wondrous journey

Bismillah!

Am very late for work tonight but I dont know, im in bliss and I shall embrace the feeling right now

19.43pm

A truly trying day, you have no idea

50% tired, 50% just in pain

Working everyday this week 

May Monday be a fresh new beginning 

Adios, Sunday

00.11am

How can every single transport platform get on my nerves 

Especially ryde- u already suck like the rest but your nonensical system is appalling!!!!

13.11pm

Right now it would be useful if I could Edgebonoutoosis myself so I could be at two places at once 

Merry 2023! (17.46pm)

Tis year I have no space for selfish people

Even in the name of self preservation, why dont people understand life is about balance

I cant dealc