01.36am

Today went well alhamdulillah!
Despite my severe lack of perfectionism due to exhaustion (STILL!! Why? Go away but also it's like me forcing me to take care of myself by resting)

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06.38am

Best part about current lifestyle is that I dont set alarms anymore cause I know i'll always wake up way too early aka right now
Even if it's Morning plans with north pole huhu i'll be there ready and steady

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22.17pm

Cant remember the last time I was extra happy or at peace with all aspects in life- studies, family, friends, matters of the heart and passion
Im grateful.

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22.56pm

Cant tell if exhausted due to accumulated early birdness aka the fact that im awake >20 hours a day everyday haha fake news but also
Sis. I have been feeling like I can sleep right as I hit the pillows at night and tonight is no exception
But my fam ordered macs for me how
But my eyes tired
I wanted to say I gotta get up early tomorrow but I have no say in that my body will wake me up at the wee hours ok I try see if I will fall asleep it is freezing cold

05.12am

I have been a bad blogger but I blame my sleep schedule entirely
Would have been more excited for today if my groupmates were more in this together but eh I bring my own sunshine
Also I dont mind taking the lead as long as I dont hear excuses or complaints because that would be annoying hahaaha you want the best you act like the best wow im ric flair
And good morning!
I slept from 8pm-12am, and then fell back asleep around 1am-5am so what does this make me why am I extra tired this period
I love being morning bird though despite the tiredness

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05.34am

Also sleeping to royal rumble made me realise how many times I wake up in an hour lol
Speaking of wrestling noises, ive always hated when non wrestling shows have wrestling-like commentary cause since young everytime I hear that I will run to the TV and sometimes it's NOT wrestling so annoying clickbait

01.17am

Thought I blogged
Also, proper hibernating

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02.49am

I feel recuperated but I know im still in hibernation until I feel hungry
I havent eaten for so long?? I saw food and had no interest hahah but I will keep piquing my appetite yay
Exciting upcoming stuff happening
Slept for super long. Woke up a few times but went right back to sleep
It's like im conducting self induced hypnosis cause I fall asleep by watching videos or playing freecell
Had many dreams which was fun lol
Am I done sleeping for the day stay tuned (ive been playing freecell but dont feel like falling asleep so perhaps im awake for good)

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05.10am

Sometimes I test water and then I realise nope emotions are still raw
At least I dont get heavy days anymore
Progress?

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09.13am

Somehow spent the past 3 hours watching documentaries about eddie and benoit and I clicked on eddie's HOF induction and I cannot describe thiS chill im getting hearing benoit's theme hit
I cannot believe I was there as a child watching all of this unfold and being sad yet not understanding the severity of it
Again, wherever i go i take wrestling with me
I still love it and i keep going back to it
Trauma and all, it's epic. It's life.
And I miss the good old days everyday

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16.04pm

Wanna watch more wrestling but my phone is dying and nobody will be my friend for hours so how
I need to buy charger to bring out pls hahaha
Also I am 3000% willing to let my phone die from watching wwe and risk not finding my group if they are my true friends they will find me k bye

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16.25pm

I found a meaningful treasure
Reyrey's book is AN EBOOK ON NLB I BORROWED IT NOW IM READING IT
I am gonna cry im overwhelmed with emotions but MY MAKEUP
I have to take screaming squealing and breathing breaks SO much feels

03.00am

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03.35am

Queen of no sleep no eat only think

03.11am

Fell asleep at around 1, woke up feeling like I slept so long but it wasnt even half hour yet hahaha
Awake again now

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06.47am

Cant tell if my life is uneventful or im so hibernaty all I can blog about is my sleep schedule
The day I dont blog about it will be a boring day cause it means I was forced to adapt to peasant body clock
Had a lovely friday and saturday, sang and made taco bell food which was so cool and opens the door to a million possibilities
Done with the project report and thus now I can put all my focus into hmx again yay yay

10.45am

Thought I could sleep in a bit today but alas
Still, buenos dias!

01.29am

Suddenly I feel rejuvenated in life
Deadlines really makes me most productive

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02.52am

Tired, cant sleep, whats new but how come

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08.14am

Got 2 hours of sleep but with the dreams I had I thought I slept the whole night
Fake news hahah
Love being a morning bird but I get tired by nighttime ok maybe cause I sleep 2 hours a night but still
Here's to a wonderful day ahead!

01.06am

Tired but I cant even think of sleeping
I really hope it's just my incoming period bringing about uncontrollable hormonal emotions

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20.59pm

Had big plans today but tiredness + lack of support made me ditch it all
Ended up hibernating
Also it's hard to explain to new people the concept of hibernating

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23.33pm

I mean according to google I have 1 more month to heal so it is ok that tonight im still hurting. Lolll ironic
But also I will just blame my hormones again this time round

06.25am

Wew my body has been waking up after 2 hours of slumber aka 1 REM cycle since yesterday haha I call this the state of shock aka Why is me sleeping at this timing wake up wake up!
I guess I have 3-4 more hours to sleep if I want to
Yesterday was pretty nice!
Rehearsed from 10-5 (stayed till 6 cause random bonding) and then went home due to exhaustion and I fell asleep right after settling down

07.11am

Good morning!
Not only did I manage to force myself to sleep before 3am (with no aid- i.e. I did not play a video to lull me to sleep), I also forced myself to go back to sleep the 2 times I woke up
Now I can sleep for 2 hours more technically but still

00.11am

I just realised I probably havent eaten today???
Here's to a great week ahead

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20.32pm

Suddenly watching buzzfeed unsolved feels like im watching another version of rhett and link aka another version of dan and phil HAHAH all these duo youtubers
Have been sleeping after 10am the past few days which honestly one of my concerns about getting married is that they would never understand my sleep schedule like my family does lol
I mean I could try and get used to peasant sleep schedule but hey even in the stone ages some of us were made to be night guards okay I am a night guard without my kind of people we would have been eaten by tigers while sleeping
Hahahah what am i saying
K bye

00.24am

Dang dato AC accepting the live hosting invitation 1 hour before GV is legendary I also want
Did nothing today
Also after complaining about ulcers yesterday the universe bestowed upon me ANOTHER one
Usually i'll ignore it and it'll go away but like I said this time round I keep accidentally biting it so annoying lol k bye

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02.25am

Brb about GV but Hi universe can I have glitter eyeliners pls preferably many colours!!!!! I will wear everyday

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09.36am

Just finished singing a song twice
Hahahaha lolrandomz
Idk why im not sleepy yet but new body clock phase coming thru probably
So about GV!
Lol I didnt watch the first 5 seasons, honestly wanted to follow every season but it didnt keep my interest beyond week 1 but I guess seeing Hady mirza competing and Naqiu being amazing in his first week made me stick around and I ended up loving Wann and Roy and ofcourse our charming Sham and Jatt
So this season im watching with an open mind, more unknown people honestly but first week was promising
Cant wait to see their progress and also Jihan and AC duo was fun
Idk why im reviewing it I dont even care about it enough as of now
Maybe I just feel like typing
Ok bye gonna go watch some rhett and link

04.59am

Had an impromptu trip to my uncle's just cause I was lazy to find my keys and I had to leave home hahaha
Also plans for the day failed big time cause I slept for so long
We'll see what today brings, I have plenty of options on what to do

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06.44am

At the rate of my no sleep im gonna wake up late again oh no

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12.19pm

I havent had ulcer in forever until one fateful day my brain remembered it and thought "Wow it's been so long since I had an ulcer maybe it is something you outgrow" and immediately it returned
And now I have it as often as I used to
Why did my brain betray me tell me why
I dislike it but also this time round is worse cause I keep accidentally biting myself
Also it is miserable it makes me not want to talk and eat we'll see how I survive rehearsals- to think about it I dont think I have ever had to sing with ulcers??? Is that WHY I STOPPED HAVING IT CAUSE OF HMX that would be interesting ok bye

06.31am

Ptx's new single is stuck in my head like Be my eyes be my eyes be my eyes be my eyes

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16.45pm

This is the latest ive woken up since I can remember dang
Arrangement plans for today halted, I can either go meet hmx or stay home or go out by myself
My body says stay home but my brain says GO OUT AND PARTYY

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19.36pm

I was just... singing a wrong I wrote like 7 years ago and I CRIED???
How is it so sad
I also cry reading my own writings sometime
Why am I tugging on my own heartstrings this is not cool
This is extra funny cause my fb history says on this day King khan just watched kal ho na ho in its entirety for the first time and he cried and he said it's silly to cry at your own film
Hahaahaha

02.29am

Had a pleasant day after so long of rutting
Got to nap in the afternoon :')
Finished an entire book in the morning while waiting, went back and forth a while before heading to school and SAW HMX
My heart jumps with joy
We saw CHERIE also
Got to coffeeshop with some of them and hais precious
Okay I should stop eating 1 meal a day

04.55am

Sleep and meal deprived but staying on brand with the Heartbroken Aesthetic TM the lack of self care is real
I'll dress up later and feel better
Im not whining im just talking to my blog and hopefully in months to come I read these back and smile or laugh

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07.31am

Got robbed an hour of intended rest hahaha gotta get up and running now I think I was in the middle of an interesting dream and barely an hour of sleep
Oof long day ahead but we'll make it good!

10.12am

Woke up as my alarm rang but didnt hear my alarm hahaha
Also was disoriented like what day is it why am I awake so early on a weekend (it's tuesday)
I have classes today I wont forget like I did the past 3 weeks lol

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19.19pm

It's life, I guess
Some of us lose and lose
Others do nothing but win, even when they shouldnt

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21.29pm

Hi universe, hello
Can I be done with feeling sad now
Kinda tired of this

02.53am

Fell asleep super early again (actually idk man kept waking up) and dang the night is still young
Had Subway today after telling people I dont really eat Subway cause the idea of hearty breads with not-really-worth-the-effort fillings are not things I crave
But yol wanted it so I got it anyway
Turned out nice! Dk what nonsense I put inside I think I had Bacon, pickle, cucumber, ranch chicken (which wew tasted like ranch chicken hahaha look at me underestimating subway)
Pickle and bacon dang no wonder people put you in burgers
Also the bread was nice??? Honey oat I think ive always only picked the cheese one and it is messy and honey oat bread is delicious and mess free
(I actually think I had subway only oNCE since it was halal in singapore and it's one of the hmx's smu rehearsals lol)
Why am I talking about food now
I also had random mee soto for brunch (which is always a hit or miss but usually the fails wont be too bad it'll just be like slightly disappointing but still enjoyable) and it was not bad at all!!!
Ate while watching jozan on netflix
Still talking about food
Lucky mama cooked right as I got home hahaha
Gonna go eat probably let me freshen up aish

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04.21am

What just happened I paused a video to think about life and my brain just whipped and nae naed twice then I played the video again
Hahaha

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06.09am

One of my favourite things in life is children's nonexistent (respectable, tbh) concept in life like they'll think you are either 8 years old or 100 years old
They think their dad's name is Dad
So precious

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12.48pm

Exhausted

05.23am

Should I eat chocolate
Me being hungry is a good sign also a sign im out of hibernation
Hahaha okay I will go eat a bit

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07.06am

Me everytim losers (idk why it's a lot of white people but) reacts to a durian
(yall are wrong and it's ok i forgive your untrained taste buds and good on you for leaving more for us but- hold the drama pls lolol)

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21.19pm

It's a different level of comfort being around these humans
Sometimes actually most times I wished we still live nearby so we can meet more often haish

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21.30pm

Can the government NOT RAISE PUBLIC TRANSPORT FARES

05.17am

I just made buttermilk chicken and cooked rice because I have been not eating well at all haha
I'll get over this rut soon I know it
It just takes time and im okay with that
Have been going back to study singers singing live (I try to ignore the lyrics but sometimes it doesnt work so I just go back to watching rhett and link)
Also ballinger family posted their first vlog in a week so that is good news!!

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20.36pm

Im not at peace
But my fb and insta timeline is filled with people getting married and engaged TODAY
Ah okay I just realised the date no wonder la
But really im so happy for everyone god bless i cry
Also I have not mentioned this but one of hidster's baby cats passed and im heartbroken.
She gave me most love and I got the honour of spending one of her last few days receiving and giving her love
It's an indescribable feeling, i've always had a soft spot for her and her soft but unpredictable personality
Happy youre free of pain, Meeko.
Rest beautifully insyaallah

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22.44pm

My heart will heal via other people's happiness
That much I know
And I would not have it any other way
Oh Allah please bless the people around me with happiness and I ask to only bask in it from the sidelines
And it's not like im pretending im ok or anything it's just easier to not explain myself to anyone
As long as I can bear to take it, I will
Excited for tomorrow ehehe impromptu plans

19.36pm

Actually enjoying this hibernation slash lack of needs period
Im eating once every 24 hours but even then it's a forced like I need food and i'll get full after a few bites
Havent been sleeping or eating well but it's hibernation so it's a mismash of weird but normal
I just need to take control of happiness
People never had and will never be my source of pain or joy

08.45am

Not feeling the best but im numbing it for now
Which is not what I would usually do but I think the hurt is coming in big waves and sudden motions that I dont know what else to do at least for now
It will get better, I know it, I'll make sure of it
I hope for it
Was a pleasant hmx day ♡

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13.00pm

Random but the malay language is muy beautiful
Also my brain is a quarter spanish
Walked past a man whose cologne I could smell from 2m away and my brain went Muy fuerte without my permission
Then I googled to check if it's right and it is hahahaha trust my spanish vocab retention
Thought I would crash as soon as I got home but after the shower and coffee and sunlight im quite awake what is this

00.46am

Kinda want to wear black smokey eyes to school later, kinda want green eyeshadow
Do I do one on each eye or what
I need green lipstick and black
I also need lime green eyeshadow??? I have all the other shades but neon

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04.58am

I almost typed edit as eyes. Cause my eyes saw the words eyeshadow above hahahaha
But also hey guys in today's latest news sleep has refused my company yet again but im okay I have to be up in two hours if I want to go to class for the first time ever aka how amazing would it be to show up for a 9.30 class with sMOKEY EYES im too cool also have been binge watching ratu's videos and recordings i miss their weirdness and talent

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06.31am

Awake at the correct time for class but... always doubting if I should go hahaha cause idek if I can or will pay attention lolol but aish I need to be in school anyway in the afternoon so might as well but also
Ok la fine I want the morning sun

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07.07am

Tell me why im still in bed im still considering the pros and cons
Pros: maybe learn
Cons: being in school with other humans, 5 hours break after class, need to find food on my own
Oh did I just answer my own question yes I did

01.14am

Also I forgot I had class this morning??
Loll this school from home is good but so easy to forget hahah ok means I have class in 9 hours I should set alarm lolz

01.32am

Lol my previous 2 posts have "on one hand...on the other hand" look at my essay writing skills
Not going to set alarm for tomorrow so whatever happens happens lol
Here's to a good day

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04.46am

I thought I was tired but apparently not
Eyes kinda heavy but the thought of sleep is far from me
Maybe watching rhett and link would help
(Not saying they bore me to sleep but comfort I guess lol)

17.43pm

Done with one essay and it wasnt terrible!!!
It's so fun and I wished I set aside more time for it cause I was on a roll but I have another one to complete
On one hand I have five hours to complete it on the other hand I want to read everything about it
But from experience once I choose a question it just flows and im unstoppable
We'll try

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19.00pm

Dont tell anyone, but I love philo essays because we are encouraged to be creative (even at the risk of being totally wrong) and discouraged to do research
Basically literally thinking of original (and possibly wrong) ideas
All while writing it in an informal, speaky voice
I love it

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23.26pm

Im a done human yay!
Time to rest but actually more things to catch up on but oh well, I deserve a break hahaahha
I should eat first

11.47am

How is it recess week and I am the least busiest I am in life and I feel so lack rested like I need to sleep before I can even think about doing work but alas

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23.16pm

Had a lovely day, even though I somehow managed to sleep the night away but it is GOOD cause I need brain rest
2 essays due in 24 hours, on one hand it's only 2.5k words each
On the other hand I know nothing about the topics
But ive done this a zillion times so no sweat just I want to do a good job
Also finally met my north pole sisters, words cannot describe how comforting it is to have a solid group of gang that has literally been with me more than half my life it's crazy
But alhamdulillah for this friendship and may we continue being the best team hehe
I am happy.

04.45am

Got back and am ready to crash but this ele is torturing me by making plans that involves waking up at 6am -___-

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22.22pm

Sad to remove my makeup!!!
Always like this hahahaha
Even though I can definitely replicate it but still

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23.20pm

Kinda exhausted and want to rest, kinda want to trudge on and start my essay

00.00am

Alone and crying.
When will this be over?
I want to be happier

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02.15am

Feeling better
Why must demdems release a breakup song now
We're on the same boat anyways hahahaha bffs
We'll create happiness
Also im upset at how im reacting to the juniors, like everytime I leave im like Whattt that was so not me
I obviously havent gotten total peace but still
They deserve kinder me
I'll try again

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02.26am

WAIT IT'S OCTOBER???
Ive never felt so shook
I thought september got 31 days hahahaa