How have I ever (01.59am)

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04.20am

Wanted to blog just now but mind blank which is good I guess
Leave the thinking to the day because once I start I feel obliged(ish) to settle them before turning myself off again
Im not a robot I passed every captcha tests
Should probs rest soon, full day ahead
Also Phantom is this weekend hellO im an excited being
Troye is this Friday, im still contemplating whether to go like I love his music and his (dead and gone) channel but like there's more to people than just their talent and sometimes it's for the... ungood
Ok whatever like I said leave the thinking after the sun wakes up cause vitamin D is essential to the brain what am I saying
Have a lovely day ahead!

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12.20pm

I'm too tired to get ready ok fine not anymore getting ready is my motivation

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14.06pm

When you feel insecure or bad about your creative ideas, just remember the world needs the James Wan to the James Cameron ok
Sudden thought because IM LATE TO MEET MY humans
Also is getting your hair wet in the rain right after shampooing it the equivalent of getting your car wet after washing it yes it is
Also not complaining cause to save myself the trouble of taking care of an umbrella (why does this word looks wrongly spelt) (it is like extra responsibility) i'd rather walk out empty handed and walk 0.5x faster than usual
And also (hahahahaha) bless buses with charging ports especially on the days (like now) when I had no chance to charge my phone
Ok bye the weather is clearing yay alhamdulillah I want ice cream no link but got link

07.06am

Sleeping without an alarm has got to be healthy man
Think I fell asleep awhile after yesterday's blog edit
Woke up at 4am and forced myself to go back to sleep
Can't tell if I feel well rested or not
But I don't feel like going back to sleep or anything just yet so that's a good sign right

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23.07pm

Well the day turned out peaceful alhamdulillah
Came home to mama saying that chiqa played with Elsiani and quickly put her back when she realised ele and I were reaching home
Hahahaha ok
Finally a harmonix day tomorrow :')

What have I done (02.42am)

A downside of being out of touch is losing track of days and may I just say I accidentally agreed to work later today cause I thought it's Monday and I always work on Mondays
Turns out it is a Sunday and i've never worked on a Sunday
Hahahaha here's to hoping the unintended agreement won't contribute to my premature retirement due to doneness
Am currently doing more concert planning and I hope I won't fall asleep too late (I had 3 cups of coffee today wtheck unacceptable I don't think i've ever done that) (ok fine 2.5 cups- ok then)
Ok back to fun heh

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06.05am

What's the use of mobile blogger's constant update if I still can't upload photos excuse you
Already regretting agreeing to work later
Could've stayed home and did more concert planning excuse myself
Hais it ok it's going to be an amazing day ahead insyaallah

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12.50pm

Yas managed to sleep for 3ish hours im a well rested being
Now time to drag myself out of bed

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23.20pm

I'd like to think a lot of physical tiredness stems from mental
The fact that even a day of intense resting is half wiped out just after 7 hours of work is telling me something
But alhamdulillah I was protected today
Got sent outdoors where there was nothing much to do only to find out later that indoors suddenly got super busy
Ended the day with a mini aca-debacle and ice cream
Chiqa and mama are back from Batam and chiqa bought me a doll but she already named it for me hahaha Elsiani
Ok imma be sleeping with elsiani tonight
Work again tomorrow
Why did I agree

Times like these (15.42pm)

You'll realise how low maintanence the human body truly is
I need nothing during hibernation because i'm not even thinking
Alas, too much rest is ironically more tiring
Why are we like this

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19.54pm

Should I eat or just stick with a coffee-only day
I've had half a cup it was great
Ok jk im not incompetent at self-care lol
Just here to say how I want to climb another (literal) mountain soon
've been seeing hiking posts and the sea of stars images (THEY EVEN CAPTURED THE MILKY WAY I am so easily impressed- strictly nature wise)
K bye thats all

Finally (03.18am)

Apparently my shift later is at "7.30am instead of 7am" when all along I have been told it was 10am
Bruh.
Idk which monster told anyone or myself that I could/will do 7am
Whatever
Ok sleep calculator says I must sleep in 6 minutes if I wanna wake up feeling not tired insyaallah
Elephant is doing two long days in a row man she deserves ice cream but she pay herself hahah

Had a lovely day homagosh and productive too- met chloe can ting vong
We were like "Feels so long since we met" it has been....a week.... huhu
Tried tuk tuk cha, ate our ice cream and sat in the library to start discussions and then finally watched La llorona and then continued our discussion till 2.30am
We kinda finished our concert storyline though so all is good insyaallah
La llorona was not bad at all!
A few edits and it would've been perfect (like the girl should still be in a trance when the woman entered the house pssht)
Ok I shall try and rest
Keyword is try
Haha
Bismillah to a wonderful day!

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08.54am

An early morning debacle can be totally avoided by one of two ways
1) Optimistic thinking and "taking it in our stride"
2) Not caring at all
Sometimes when things get overwhelming the best thing you can do for yourself and your peace is cease to care too much
But ok one unacceptable issue is how humans must stand and exist so near me when the space is so humongous
Hello go away who allowed you

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21.37pm

I am a shagged scarecrow bruh what a day
Making me feel like retiring let's be real
Bless nice people amidst the unnecessary trouble
Very planless weekend so yo girl is hibernating

Is this the real life (03.01am)

Theory obviously debunked
Lowkey ready to shake elephant up because she has to reach the workplace at an inhumane hour
Meeting CCTV later omg finally somemonix
Since everyone else is stuck with papers and submissions we're the only free birds pfft p(h)easants

A reminder that your words might unexpectedly stick to a person so say good things or truths only k wow ok let's not open up this very debatable topic let's just be nice

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09.49am

I mean an (unexpected) struggle is having dreams related to current situation so like idk if I sent that text or if i'm really ready to leave home or if I picked up the phone
In actuality it's a literal dream cause I wished I was doing all those but eh
Also dreamt that I took a 3 mins nap but I had so many dreams within it, I was surprised hours hasn't passed
Metadreaming is the best cause it's an illusion of long hours of sleep

You shouldn't be here (00.10am)

So I was at peace until someone contacted me now I lost appetite to sleep
I feel like chuck bass towards the end of season 4 hahahaha (i.e he paid people to beat him up because he felt nothing both emotionally and physically)
But ok dramaticity aside, season 5 is not too impressive thus far
I'm at ease that's what I am
Bismillah for today, working and wew I need a beach session to rejuvenate my soul

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02.54am

I see what's happening here, I all nighter one day and hibernate the next
So inefficient but if it's what makes you happy dear physical being then sure
Happy to be trash talking with hmx ahaha

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23.26pm

Wow blogger rude much
I typed a paragraph and it just disappeared
I can't even recall what I said
Probably that I did every jobscope at work today and whether I should offer my services for tomorrow morning or not
K bye

I dared myself (01.05am)

No joke, fell asleep five minutes after guiding chiqa's homework
Im awake barely an hour later feeling lethargic
Back to sleep if my physique allows

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05.01am

Why and how but ok fine
I can afford to fall asleep again but now i'm too tired of sleeping

+==edit==+
14.51pm

Yeah woke up and slept again and woke up like 4 times cause I feel even tireder after every restssion lol lame
Only rose for good cause someone called me to remind me of work
Hahahhhahaha
Also what a day so far, i've had this phone since last August and me being a trustworthy person to myself never used screen protector cause im invincible
Today I woke up with scratches on my screen so it was caused while I was unconscious lolll
Also a spam of messages about work issues
Nothing that can't be fixed though I tried toothpaste and it kinda worked but I had no time to stay and do it properly
Work stuff is always never ending so that's ok too (also they don't know what we know so bleh no use explaining much sometimes)
Currently on my way to work
No goals in mind for today
I feel like post A levels freedom except worst cause we're supposed to be starting on champs and concert preparation

+==edit==+
15.23pm

Hi to add onto my series of beautiful day I just got a call saying my shift is cancelled I literally just took the shuttle bus into sentosa
But insyaallah got hikmah
I am still tired anyway
But STILL I got my existence out of bed
Ok fine
Now do I go home like a fish or wait for the rain to stop by hanging around Sentosa
I'm probably too tired to walk so back home it is

+==edit==+
18.44pm

Contemplated sitting by the beach in the rain honestly A Mood TM
But alas I did not
Home though
Elephant finished her shift right as I reached Vivo so waited for her and had picnic in the bus
Me: misses hmx
Also me: doesnt reply to any messages because what good is it when we dont get to see each other's faces losers
K bye

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20.39pm

We think days get better by the unravelling of issues, but sometimes it's unrelated little things that turns our lives around
Needless to say I feel happier not because my wants and needs are fulfilled, but because of unexpected blessings and people making me happy
Also Chiqa made me a thank you card for "always teaching me homework" she is the actual WORST (worst means best)
♡

ps we actually do speak in opposites irl lol

How could you but also okay (01.40am)

've been summoned to work full shift tomorrow after what feels like so long
I mean cmon
Also sleep calculator says I can sleep at 3am
Seeing how not sleepy I am right now I shall not aim so high (aka aiming to sleep now)
Feels like watching an intellectual mind blowing movie but also I just want to chill with GG
Also didn't realise how much I missed dip and pip until watching Phil's video he is too precious
When is Daniel emerging from the darkness or at least a Dnpgames video hello im sorry I abandoned yall for so long I love you still I promise
K bye

+==edit==+
03.46am

Hi I don't think my brain-eye coordination understands 3am
It's ok you go on your own term ok
At least I have elephant to entertain me during the 6 hours to closing so i'll have to survive the first 6 hours alone pshttt jk here's to making new friends and cute babies

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05.27am

Accidentally took a trip down feels lane

+==edit==+
06.40am

Update: still unhappy over the way existence is spelt
Also sleep calculator is sighing it be like "I could help you if you helped yourself"
Hahahahaha

+==edit==+
23.18pm

So I was okay having a peaceful day
Even had ice cream which was amazing I love it
UNTIL I got home and Chiqa asked me to help with her math homework
Chiqa, I love
Helping, I love
Homework, meh
BUT MATH.
I HATE IT SO MUCH I FEEL IT DRAINING MY ENERGY I am officially exhausted

Intended but (04.14am)

Had the whole day to chill self care on the brink of non-existence but eh

+==edit==+
15.21pm

I can tell my brain is unmuddled again because im getting so many interesting dreams in one night hahaha

Learning is joy (00.08am)

You know what I just realised
Maybe I should revisit my chicken soup books
They always rejuvenate my soul insyaallah
Since i'm at ease now without the troubles of schoolwork and rehearsals (at least for the next week- i dont mean rehearsals are trouble but it is work)
It is the best point to rebuild

+==edit==+
15.33pm

Can I just appreciate tokti hahaha she's on the radio and we blessed to hear it

Back to basics (04.06am)

Not sure if fake news but I always have a small sense of achievement whenever I sleep between 10-3, 11-4am cause apparently it's the time your body recuperates the most
K bye

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09.25am

Wow I actually made myself wake up because the characters in my dream is taking too long to push the plot forward hahahah what a mood

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18.25pm

I'd use to hear We will rock you and hear an iconic song
Now I hear Queen
Progress

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21.51pm

Sometimes I wished I was motivated by money
I'd work everyday when im free
But no I love myself and free time more hahahah
My only motivation is making new friends meeting new babies and kids hehehehe cutes
Ok ironically working is a great distraction from emotions and thoughts and you get paid for not feeling and thinking wow

+==edit==+
23.41pm

Am at the 2nd last episode of season 4 and I gotta say this season has been the best thus far wew the drama
I can't even blair to watch the final episode now

Oh no (00.00am)

Done with showcase, am very happy though it felt so short
Everytim
Shorter than expected
Working in 14 hours hais

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02.32am

So much to say but for now let me just rest
Still cant believe I gave work schedule a day after showcase
Crazy or what frog
But ok it helps cause if not my withdrawals gonna be extra strong hais
I love hmx huhu

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04.13am

I thought I was tired???? No meh
Loser

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06.32am

I actually fell asleep but thanks body clock

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06.44am

Ok la I think I know why im not and can't rest
Too much on my mind
But im too tired to sort out my thoughts bruh let me give myself a break

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17.31pm

Ooh gosh
Idk HOW I passed my Latin test
Must be fake marking OR I am innately Latilented (hahahahah)
Today has been a day of good saves, thanks universe
I feel lovely
Here to spread the joy

+==edit==+
22.58pm

Had a real lovely evening though it was short
Got (the amazing) ice cream from bk and walked around vivo embracing the night air before settling down with gg and nuggets while waiting for along to fetch me muahaha
Happy to not take a bus home tonight cause why spend 1.5 hours when you can spend 20 minutes travelling pfft 

The best we could do (03.51am)

Just got home from last minute showcase preparations
Thank god for likeminded fellows
Social day ahead, so I need my beauty brain rest
Hhaahahah it 4am
Ok buenos dias

02.43am

Had a lovely day, ending work at 3 was fun I should do that more hahahhaa also made new friends did a lot of painting and even had a Harry potter trivia with some kids
Had a peaceful grab ride to school and then impromptu run to JP for dinner (more like desserts ICE CREAM maigosh)
Looked through the Latin slides while three groups rehearsed
I love their dedication I love being with loserfrogmonix
1 day to showcase!

+==edit==+
16.56pm

Making bad decisions today, but only because of Latin wtheck why are you more trouble than love is worth
Once it's over i'm good though
And if I cared less I could choose to not go through this trouble but who am I why do I care
Don't even know if i'll be taking the test today but I know I have to submit a composition which I am halfway done with so bye motion sickness who art thou

But really though, tie in to a message I sent daya a few hours ago, it's so much easier if we don't invest in emotions and love
But the things we get when we invest is so worth it even if it guarentees pain at times
K bye I will make today amazing I will be amazing as usual insyaallah

ps future me will be like Wot m8 why you restless

pps can this uncle F1 to school por favor i cant accept slowness

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19.55pm

Worst test ever but hey it made 2 hours pass by without me realising
Also after I submit the final composition im done with Latin
By done I mean i'll stick to self learning from now on
Ughhhh
Bless the prof though he nice

Same mistakes (02.41am)

Me everytime I send in work schedule for 9.30am: why
Had a lovely day!
Had so much fun doing choreo it really is different with different groups of humans
Hoping for a more than brilliant week ahead, insyaallah!

+==edit==+
03.42am

Broooo me this time last year was full on hustling bruh- working, final essays, classes, dance production and champs/concert prep
This year im doing half the workload but im the same level of spirit which is not good cause i'm supposed to be even grander
I mean i've always known I do best when i'm busiest
Why am I self promoting
K bye I SHOULD BE ASLEEP oh my cheese why must I be in the sleepy-at-8am phase now

+==edit==+
17.04pm

Finally opening the Latin slides from week 1 and once again I stand by how learning it formally complicates things
They give names to concepts that need not be named that's not how I need to learn a language
At least I got notes on the basic grammar rules
I should be able to self learn the rest in a much less complicated manner
I want coffee

I can tell anyway (04.00am)

When i'm not my best self
Also let me sigh in woes thinking about how bad vibes really do travel
We can only counteract with good ones but these bad vibers please wake up know be aware that your negativity is affecting the big picture
But eh power is all ours to change things
I have to leave home in 4 hours
I havent done an ounce of latin revision
What am I
It ok i'll get ready by 7 and do some work idk sleep is for frogs im a human

+==edit==+
06.46am

I feel like reverse Pavlov- everytime my first alarm rings then i'll feel sleepy
Really now
Playing word games to distract myself
I'll sleep once im in school

+==edit==+
08.16am

Can we believe I allowed myself a nap and still woke up on time (and even had 2 weird conglomerations of dreams hahhaahah including one with and old friend with her boyfriend going on a picnic babysitting wth I dont even talk or have thought about her)
Granted I must now quickly get ready but still
Come through body clock I trust you

Nicing (03.03am)

Got my 10-3 sleep
Dk what im up to today, probably revise Latin and recuperate

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21.16pm

Unhappiness stems when you chase the wrong things
I can imagine how different life would be if my priorities at any point of time had shifted ever so slightly
But now ive ended up doing something that gives me butterflies, sparks my soul and makes me happy
I won't trade it for anything,
Everyone's timeline is different and i'll embrace every second
I guess it's just too easy to forget how blessed we are to feel belonged

Also Anga bought me Macs and I ended up hibernating today thinking of the upcoming week hahaha
Think my best game plan for now is to sleep before midnight and wake up around 3 or 4 like last night, revise Latin and then head to school for rehearsals
I mean again, this is planning
My body is probably already "Lol nein"ing me but it ok
Have a lovely weekend yalls

ps received shocking news from ms eatgo again she's lucky we love her if not i will paint her face orange

+==edit==+
23.51pm

Sometimes I forget I have a heart

Lovely day (02.04am)

Sometimes I make bad decisions but hey move on
Supposed to be productive in school but hahaha maybe my productivity is ensuring my hmx's happiness cause we spent the whole day together for no reason hahahahhais
I found time to visit the library and found myself sourcing for anything philo to read
Ended up with Satre but bruh the due date is besok what mate
(Eh why I speak malay ahahaha sorry got a notif that daya texted me)
But yes working later in 7 hours
Insyaallah all goes well

+==edit==+
09.28am

I feel like kidnapping a frog everytime I take a cab and they drive slowly like if I wanted to go 20mph for 20$ I wouldve WALKED in guccis omycheese grant me patience
May we all have a great day

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14.24pm

My non existent heart melts when a child just grabs my HAND HELLO who allowed yall to be cute

+==edit==+
20.14pm

I don't understand why im sleepy it must be the odd amount of rest I got
Had a pretty chill day at work, got to play with the kids after so long and was even rated 5 stars by one of them even though I barely did anything hahaha
Got extended an hour and here I am more than halfway home but why am I TIRED brooo loser

We're out here vibing (01.41am)

I guess today went well?
As long as I take things one step at a time, all is well
Insyaallah!

ps haven't seen you this happy for as long as I can remember

+==edit==+
03.57am

Hello I should be sleeping but no appetite for rest

+==edit==+
04.51am

I mean as a solace to myself i'll be in school 4 hours before lesson and then I have 3 hours until rehearsals so I could always nap then
(By nap I mean catch up on Wrestlemania did I tell you im unhappy about seth rollins but GO KOFI yoda best)

+==edit==+
10.13am

Ok la sometimes I drama I frogot I am a survivor who lives off 90 minutes sleep nights
See la inconsistent some more
I know what i'm doing half the free time I have today
Wrestlemania and Raw after mania!
Watched the video Taker posted about him interrupting the frogllias and idk I feel so excited and passionate about it I need to watch it
I scrumed to myself when ellias said "the next one to interrupt me... is a DEADMAN"
And the gong hits im like AHHH WE ALL SAW IT COMING BUT AHHH THIS IS WHAT HUMANS CALL EPIC
Ok im actually waiting for Justine to pick me up but I realise idk what her car looks like omg why am I frogging so hard

02.16am

I have things in my mind why do I have things in my mind
Reading my posts from few years back and how many times must past me prove that she's more stable and mature than present me
Frog I just need time alone

I want to stop explaining to people who can't see things I don't need to prove that my brain knows things and my heart feels things
I owe it to myself that much

+==edit==+
15.05pm

Woke up feeling better generally, like I felt happy and at peace for no reason I love it
Is this the mark of well restedness cant be my body still tired but im not complaining at all
Also who knew Undertaker would be the one giving me solace over yesterday's internal debacle
I guess people were trying to tell me I might be pushing too much or going too far despite me knowing they just don't know my intentions behind things
Went onto instagram 2 minutes ago and Undertaker posted with a quote saying "Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."
And if the deadman says this,
I got nothing else to doubt because other opinions don't matter (not like it ever did)
Admittedly the people you hang with affects who you are to some degree, especially if you are unable to reconcile things with yourself at every possible time
And as much fun as i'm having, I failed to have that self reflection time that helps keep me grounded and true to myself
This year especially, I have said things I don't mean, but also was bolder in my actions
Like I always said, sometimes we need to go too far and then backtrack to get to the ideal point
I think i'm done going too far as a person for now
What is life without mistakes
I'm planning to have a kinder, beautiful and productive day ahead!
Hoping the same for everyone else too

ps how did i turn from 1 to 4 songs for this showcase lol extra

04.59am

-

+==edit==+
12.23pm

Times like these makes me wonder if we have any needs at all
Remind me to bring a pen to class hahahha
Wait that's not the point
I wholeheartedly believe this exhaustion is somewhat emotional and spiritual too, which is why rest only makes me more tired cause it's so passive
But at the same time it's wholly physical like my sore throat is back only after a day of compromised rest hahaha
Like usually ice cream will perk me up but last night I didn't feel the awakening that much (still delicious though and thank you for existing)
I have to head to town to get the latin dictionary and then to school to recce venue before the test (another form of burden is lecture-before-test hello who allowed you)
This time last week I told myself to revise and consolidate my notes but I didn't make time
Didn't help that I am not at my optimal
Bad part is I know just the cure
Then why am I not doing anything about it

Please go back (00.34am)

I have to restart journalling and scheduling on paper man
I forgot I have a test on Tuesday and I gave work schedule for a full day today
Hellooooo excuse myself what happened to trying
Full week ahead but it's in efforts for the upcoming external showcase
I should sleep soon as a way to conclude my hibernation period, before I go back to my normal sleeping hours
Ok bye here's to an amazing day ahead!

+==edit==+
04.25am

Oh no
Who allowed me to be awake
Ok can't blame my being for being too overdosed to sleep
I could either be working at 9.30am or 1pm today and I don't have my answer yet so I could either be okay or asking myself "why" in a couple of hours heheheh whats new
Tried watching the first episode of Nur 2 but im already tired of the drama and there's barely any
It took me 2 seasons to get used to GG
This..... ahhahaha wait la

+==edit==+
05.45am

Am reading my April logs for the past few years and this time last year my sleep schedule is exactly like it is now
Also it just reminded me that external showcase is the last official rehearsal for the semester
I don't like that one bit and I always forget to announce it cause 1) We will continue meeting anyway 2) I don't like it
Ok if it turns out that I have to work at 9.30am right..... ah I just hope for the best ok bye

+==edit==+
06.12am

Was about to go to sleep when I realise my alarm will ring in 7 minutes hahahahah bruh

+==edit==+
12.27pm

Help
Im currently stuck with a girl who doesnt want to eat lunch but im the one responsible to fill her tummy to make sure she doesn't feel hungry for the next five hours
Also yes ended up working at 9.30am and I caught my 9am shuttle so I was early
Went over to get coffee and chocolates because I might need it who can trust my no-sleep self

+==edit==+
17.20pm

Bad when we know what we want, bad when we don't
Currently being serenaded live by shirley tempo while I sort my betrayed emotions
How could they let rollins beat lesnar- sure it wasnt clean but what the heck
Also another betrayal but some losses are truly gains
We just hope humans have the same hearts and tenacity and patience sometimes but eh disappointment starts with a d humans starts with a d too dumans
K bye imma nap mentally

Hibernation rules the nation (18.50pm)

Has been hibernating the whole day today, literally haven't left my bed
Surprisingly my fever still hasn't appeared fully
But at least the other symptoms are gONE alhamdulillah
Chiqa just entered my room and said "It's time to eat!"
Sometimes I feel like we were born in the wrong order hahaha she is the best
Ok it is indeed time to eat, she brought food to me I cry

+==edit==+
23.18pm

Brand new week upcoming, brand new resolutions and brand new choices to be made
There are people you avoid speaking to, and there are others you would do anything to say one word to
We make so much bad decisions for ourselves even when the easy decision is there to be made
Humans are built to embrace pain
Which is weird because we literally can (as fake as it sounds) choose happiness
Is it really our fault to want to feel something bad
It's dumb but no
Who knows what we're up to

Non-existent self care (18.45pm)

Three late days in a row, not making my being any better
My throat hurts muchas gusta
I'm shagged

06.23am

Another latemonix night ermagerd humans are burnt out
I'm still on the verge of a fever but it worse now cause suddenly I have flu and muscle aches
Also ms monthly came to visit today
But it cool better all at once than one by one right hahahahah whatlogicisthis
Meeting hmx for the whole day again in 6 hours time
Am I even functional for a main comm meeting
I would skip the afternoon event but we're in this together
Also curious
Just wondering if my fever breaks while i'm sleeping my body would automatically hibernate to recuperate
Human bodies are so cool

So much on my mind but my physical pain is helping to distract me from them which is great cause once I wake up i'll have to handle these thoughts bit by bit
Now i'm not sure whether to wear 3 layers of clothes or just shut off the fan lol

+==edit==+
11.27am

Girl is lethargic and it's not even my lack of sleep what this bye ah pft

07.11am

Spent the last 4-5 hours discussing work while picnicing near my place
Looks like i'm missing class again but this time it is a conscious choice already hahaha I cannot dumb myself down just for grades it's the opposite of what education should stand for
Loser

Most of my life i've been in organizations whose heads don't believe enough, and are not daring enough to take risks and follow their guts
Sometimes I forget that i'm at that position now, and that while it is always more comfortable and PR to stay safe, there's always a risk I should take
I don't fear us failing, I don't fear people losing faith in me, I fear spending a year leading the family and letting us continue living in the unknown not unlocking our full potential because we feel safe and I wasn't yolo enough to decide to take the chance
Also I don't fear them losing faith cause I trust that they trust me as much as I trust them
K too much T word
I should sleep and hopefully my brain will give me answers over the debated topic earlier this morning

Oh wait before that
Had a mini bonding session with hmx earlier today and...
My heart broke but also grew
Just a simple question; when was the last time you cried-
Garnered such an array of answers.
There were a few 'Yesterday', 'Last night', two 'two days ago', one 'this morning' and i'm over there perplexed like how dare you all come here being so happy ALL the time
Like i'm so glad hmx is a place for you to find joy but also you guys MUST know we are here through good and bad we are a marriage too bad you can't run away
Ok I see the sky has turned bright
Should I eat breakfast then sleep
Yes I should
Here's to a beautiful day ahead, Insyaallah

+==edit==+
08.08am

Can't sleep oi
Dk if too much on my mind or im too tired to fall asleep
Familiar but an always-why pain hahah

+==edit==+
14.13pm

4 quality hours of sleep and now im on my way to an arts school
Also i've said the past few weeks ive been feeling heaty like gonna break into fever but not
Today I woke up with a sore throat so either fever will come, or the heatiness will go away with the sore
Who knows idk myself well enough
K bye

04.32am

Got awokened by the rain and my dreams hahah
Hello now is not the time to nap it is time to sleep

Naise (01.41am)

Season 4's twists are more exciting but alas i'm tired of the relationship dramas
Who isnt
I had a chill few days

+==edit==+
02.42am

Have I mentioned how unnecessary group projects are in my life
Like why would your grades depend on me
Now I have to fulfill a responsibility I didn't ask for
Gross.
As if being amicable and fake laughing at people's not funny jokes isn't bad enough
Hahahah I sound like I hate humans
I don't (I think)
This isn't out of nowhere ok I have a presentation in 15 hours time and it's so lame i'm so out of touch with schoolwork it's terrible
Too bad I prior branded myself as a full time hmx part time student
Sometimes I wonder why I didn't choose the ideal university path,
But most of the times I know this path is chosen for me
I'm made to not concede and I plan on staying that way
It's just so much easier being bad but i'm also beyond that
What am I
LoL

+==edit==+

18.40pm

I'm done with the presentation, ended up grabbing to school cause my priority was eating at home haha

Managed to squeeze in two short rehearsal sessions for tomorrow's gig

Also known as the first gig without a bass wtheck at least my dreams of doing the Attention bassline is coming true (I will make you proud Matt)

Yes I am in Latin class he gave a 15 mins break but I stayed in class as a way to make up for running away during break last week

HAHAH I was too bored and deciding whether to leave early or halfway

I think today if he doesn't end by 7.30pm i'll just leave by then

Ok I should focus

Test next week lol time for more bullcrapping or should I learn things

K bye

I knew I was trouble (02.52am)

I promise I have not been missing posts
I've just been posting it to the wrong blog pffft
I like how I realised it wasn't right but it didn't seem wrong too
Just like many things in life
Ahahahaha
Ok