Thanks, August (01.25am)

I love August, and now that school starts in August, it feels like a rebirth, a new year.
Not to mention the literal new year of my life
And bruh I GOT to sleep man
Had a real productive and fun training as usual
Btw I have a cut on my thumb it doesnt feel like anything but it's bleeding ???
Are thumbs nerveless or is it just my brain ignoring the pain either way I should probably do something about it
Plan is to wake up at 4am for predawn, assignment and update of planner so yaz shall refer to great ole sleep calculator on what time I should sleep ehehe
Good day ahead!

//edit//
10.24am

Wow who am I, I reached school super early and had breakfast while watching kurt angle & benoit matches haha idek it is a peaceful morning
Currently in logic class he gave us a few questions to try and actually quite fun hahah thank god for open mindedness
Ok wait let me go check my answers

//Edit//
23.09pm

Currently at Kallang on the way home
Somehow stayed in school for meetings and had a nostalgic journey back with doraemon looking back on our childhood and persistent telemarketers and promoters
I missed 2 of my buses hahahah loser la they were so close yet so far
Btw Selamat hari raya haji amighosts!
Bless this new year, may those on their haj be protected and have a fulfilling journey.
Bluek one of my bus is here but it's so crowded no thanks
K I want to go home and rest it has been a long week ehehe

Off focus (09.53am)

I've definitely been overworking on the weird things
I will continue being on top of my to-do list ok
Let's ace life

//edit//
15.49pm

Just left home, and my oh my the weather is splendid!
It's sunny and windy just all around beach weather

Ok an hour later in the west... it's so gloomy here as usual hahah is it cause the yin is weak (ahahahah whatever that means)

Thought I had myself under control (02.34am)

cant sleep booo
decided to randomly start cleaning the dresser at like 9pm and went through 2 movies while doing so
Cleaning always makes me fresher than tired, and I always have the mood at the randomest moments (usually close to midnight, when the house is empty)

Going for my first tuesday class tomorrow (ahhh thank god I got an elective at least I have a decent amount of AUs now)
A probable Beztari training ahead and then Harmonix first audition day
Crazy how a year since mine and yol's audition had passed (I realised I didnt blog about that day but it's clear in my memory)
We met after our classes outside gongcha trying to choose a song then we stood at the bridge connecting hive and S3 trying out our songs and trying to help each other choose a song
We were so undecisive but I eventually got lazy to think and settled on a glee number hahahahah Take me or leave me; legendary but why out of all songs (trust me at that point of time I could think of NO songs it's always like that)
Yol was still undecided and she only chose her song moments before her turn
(Which was actually my turn hahaha we decided that she would enter when they called for Wani and then I will go during Ifah's turn)
Problem ah hahahaha
I was waiting outside with 2 other humans (lol cant recall who, was it theresia and albert i cant remember but justine was definitely there as an usher)
I went to look inside the room while yol was auditioning and LOLed because she literally was sitting on a chair facing SIDEWAYS like who does that
I didnt laugh because of that, I laughed trying to imagine how she got herself into that scenario??
(I should go ask her and edit this post im pretty sure I asked her before but all she said was she was nervous so they allowed her to do that)
But the thought of her being like "sorry cant look ya guys in the eyes can i face the other side?"
"Sure go ahead"
"....um"
"What's wrong?"
"Im too nervous to stand... can i sit?"
"Er sure..."
Or if not what else could've happened?
Hahahahah either way I got a short footage of her weird audition (I wonder how many weird auditions they had I should ask them)
She sang Set fire to the rain which was not even one of the options half and hour before hahahaha random but got her through (duh)

As for mine I dont remember feeling anything but "lets just do this" maybe cause yol already went before me and I had little time to react so I just went in and they said "whenever you're ready" and I didnt give myself time to think I just went for it hahahah
I remember starting at a weird key but it worked in my favour cause the initial key I wanted was probably too low and unchallenging whereas the original was higher so yay weird key worked
I remember trying not to cringe at the weird lyrics "ever since puberty, everybody stares at me, boys, girls, I can't help it baby" and I couldn't be bothered if I had the lyrics wrong cause pleaseee who would know an old broadway random song (other humans probably sang taylor swift or ariana grande but yo girl here hahahaha this is called laziness)
I recall it ending as soon as I began and I remember their comments and then them asking me to step closer while they played some notes on the keyboard asking me to follow- it felt so choir hahaha so I was in the old AVA room, just feeling like Mr liew was there, that "oh ok well that was easy"

That is the story of how we entered Harmonix- we went for the first training right after our auditons and did some icebreakers in which I won the mass scissors paper stone lol (yol and chik were the last 2 besides me and she just HAD to lose tskk) nevermind I won for us
And we totally cheated during the evolution version cause we were playing with ourselves and winning everytime hahahha duh

Then we had to do an impromptu performance so we grouped with chik and (edmund I think? Cant recall at all omg) and spent 7 minutes deciding on a song and finally doing Baby by JB (eyyy rhymes) and laughing while performing cause lost case ah hahahah
That was the end of our troublemaking cause yol left for another club while I found out that Beztari trainings clashes with Harmonix (since I already was involved in 2 performances I had to stay)

Idk why im blogging about this it's 3am I have a class in 9 hours time
Ok goodnight sweetdreams i'll try and sleep before 7am

//edit//
07.30am

I cant fall back asleep
Let's have a productive morning then
Aka me: wow... i can actually go out and jog
Me to me: wHO are you
Me: ikr just kidding
Hahahahahh but for real I could've but I wont cause I despise running for no reason what even why torture yourself like that
Gonna go update my planner and check if there's any readings, make breakfast and then play with makeup before leaving for school
And I have exactly 3 hours to do all those
Just cause I don't want to take the train hahahah pls
Have a lovely day ahead!

ps HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY EATGO ♡ we've watched each other grow from an 8 year old to 21 year olds what the even heck next thing i know i'll be babysitting her kids (wont ask her to babysit mine cause she will literally sit on them, like idk her hahahahah love you man)

pps speaking of love I find that I have this weird thing with fellow Virgos (probably happens to be so) but for like Lynn and I we're both not touchy people but we dont mind touching each other and with Eatgo we dont usually express our love but with each other sPam all tHe lOvE see special access hahaha

Paradox of new things

You avoid because you've never tried
But how can you try if you keep avoiding something because you've never tried it?!?!

A story of controlled rage (16.37pm)

Personally, I have trained myself to always look at the good of a situation.
That everything happens for a reason and that being angry or worried has no purpose except to cause us more trouble.
But the problem is, it's just me.
Not the people around me.
So when "bad" things happen to me, I have no problem forgiving and forgetting, and moving on swiftly.
But when it happens to the people around me, and I see them unable to move on, I feel obliged to join the ragefest hahaha (jk bad wording but you get what I mean)

My mum and sister followed this company (I thought of including the name but I don't think they deserve this shoutout and also I don't want to shame them publically even if this matter could not be solved privately thanks to their inefficiency and tendency to run away from problems) on a weekend trip to Batam.
Now I don't understand how this rombongan works- like who organizes and executes them,
And I have no intention of finding out because ultimately, the tour agency is supposed to be the experienced one to handle stupid little problems.
(keyword: supposed)

So a bit of miscomm happened when you are in a foreign country with a different time zone and no means of communication, you MAKE IT CLEAR which timezone you refer to.
And okay this they did, they announced prior that they will be following SG's time.
Mama went to the pickup point a bit earlier, but because she saw noone else she knew, she worried that the bus had left without her.
(i wanted to say that mama shouldnt have panicked so quickly but apparently chiqa was crying so this added on to the stress)
So in means of keeping calm she approached a guard and he showed her ferry ticket asking if her ferry was leaving anytime soon.
(If it wasnt, it just means that the people were indeed following Batam time and not SG time- and she'd have no worries except to continue shopping and return an hour later)
But he said the ferry was bound to leave soon according to the time printed, and that she'd better make her way to the ferry terminal ASAP.
(see there was already confusion on which timezone they were speaking about so in her panic it didnt even strike her that the time printed on the ticket was singapore time- perhaps the guard thought it was Batam time so he helped hail a cab)
So she cabbed over and once there, found out that her ferry wasn't leaving in an hour.

This means that there are no problems of delay.
I say this because the company seemed to not do any measures to check if everyone or things are accounted for
They all boarded the ferry without checking for my mum and sister, and without accounting for their belongings (which were still in the bus) so it wouldnt matter anyway
But all this does not matter when I get to the meat of the problem, aka Neighbours and Leaders.

Long story short, we have 2 neighbours living in the same block and 1 who lives at the block just behind ours who are on the same trip.
They took the same ferry as mama but did not bother- ok I won't say not bother, i'd say they had no brains or sense to help mama bring her stuff over to the ferry terminal.
Look, the bus driver was hired for a sole purpose; to drive yall to the ferry terminal.
Whereas YOU as a tour group were the ones in contact with my mum.
So why in this god created universe would you even think of leaving her luggage IN THE BUS?
Even if she went missing, her belongings should rightfully be placed in your care, or at least in the ferry terminal.
She paid for your services but obviously yall failed her hard.
Ok I shall stop explaining things to brains blocked by sponges
Logic often fall deaf in the ears of the illogical
smh this is why sassy socrates would rather die than live in a dumb society

So, because there were MEN there who complained that the bag might be too heavy for them, (ahhh a bunch of wussies I see, I mean I wouldnt want mama to waste her time confronting brainless idiots but I personally wouldnt mind)
(And I'm not a troublefinder)
And then our neighbour who said she didn't help because she had too much stuff on her own and that she was afraid mama's bags would contain illegal stuff that would get HER into trouble.

Aww auntie I understand your concerns
1) it's soooo hard to direct 3 men walking alongside you (who were not holding anything btw) to help carry your friend's stuff for a while right? aw man tough lyfe

2) if there were illegal stuff in my mum's bag you couldnt have said it wasnt yours? :( must be challenging huh, telling the truth? seeing that you dont do it often

BTW this accusation is freaking rude.
You disrespectful piece of the-worst-material-in-the-world
"oh sorry i didnt greet you, i mean what if you turned out to be a criminal i dont want to be involved like that i might get suspected as an acquaintence"
Ok drama but parallel ok hahaha

So honestly, in means to cover up her selfishness and inability to care for others, she makes up excuses for herself.
It's not wrong to be selfish but why not just make it clear that Hi I am Annabelle and I only care about myself so don't bother asking me for help and dont expect me to act like a decent human being cause im definitely not
Just one thing, if in the future (touch fake wood) you get yourself stuck in a similiar situation, really don't be surprised at human's lack of sympathy.
I hope you don't go through the same experience my mum did because personally I don't think you'd handle it well.

As for me, i'm not worried about avenging, because what goes around comes around even if it's not in my knowledge.
In the meanwhile, I pray the people who made my mum's time hard have a change of hearts.
May they be kinder to the next person they deal with.

And I hope mama is feeling better.
She went in hopes for a nice weekend, making new friends and surprising my sister with a getaway but returned confused, with no luggages and carrying only their birthday present for me because it was the only things they were holding on to.
Mama waited at the ferry terminal for hours in hopes of assistance from the tour agency to no avail, (hahahaha the tour leader went home, what a responsible human being I hope you get a raise) and luckily, the people from Batam themselves offered to get in touch with the bus driver to regain the luggage, and then send them back on the next available ferry.

Oh one more thing, to a certain human- I'm gonna just call her Valak cause she seems like a troublemaker,
You can run away from your troubles and the problems you create,
But I dare to confirm that you can never hide.
And in the meanwhile do take better care of your mouth, it seems to be leaking with unnecessary badness, gossips and just all around garbage.

Here's my rarely-aroused rage signing off,
I hope I see less of her
(actually as long as people dont find trouble with the people i care about it shall remain non-existant)

ps this experience makes me miss my old neighbourhood a lot more. i hope they're all doing well

//edit//
19.37pm

This just in, the leader claimed to others that she was the one who helped solve my mum's problems while my mum went home to lepak hahahahhaa ok man keep on lying see where it gets you (heads up; nowhere you'd enjoy being)

K byeeee u lot are a waste of time

Sunday morning rain is falling (08.29am)

Me at 2am: wow finally i can sleep in awhile longer today
Mmmm

Anyway I woke up because there were humans distributing breakfast from unit to unit, but they were screaming and banging on the door hahaha gentler approach perhaps????
Thanks even though I couldnt drag myself to open the door

Training this afternoon, i'm dangerously close to being like last semester but I will not give in
I will get on top of my studentness hahahaha (probably)
(jk)
(i have like 3 upcoming performances after conquering 3)
(ok if ANYONE can do it, I can)
(u get the beeeeest of both worlds~~ chill it out take it slow, then you rOck out the show)
(idk what just happened but thanks hannah montana)

Btw i need to check out dems' latest national anthem performance my fav so far is still her first one

Btw yesterday my bad-at-acting harmonix surprised me with a cake tHANKS mucho amor para ti!
The performance was quite fun except I LOLed at the end cause in our attempts at adding last minute choreo the microphones feedbacked and we all tried to keep calm and step back but hahahaha what even
Spent the night at a bustop speaking gibberish which was a good brain exercise

Okk byeeee have a splendid weekend!

//edit//
12.59pm

Omg reyrey watching the mmmatch (get it mcgregor mayweather match lol k) means he watched demi
MY STANS ARE STANNED

//edit//
21.55pm

Good day overall!
Dance was productive and felt nice afterwards
Went to tpy to collect my harry potter book (can u believe I finally got a hold of it)
But my plans to bring it around is a flop cause it turned out to be quite a hagrid sized illustrated book hahahaha but thanks it will enhance my experience
Im really happy that there are no Monday classes for me yay
Time to unwind with a tall glass of book (hahahah ape sia)
K goodnight sweetdreams have a bright day ahead!

Bless (01.39am)

I was about to fall asleep (lol about to- felt like it has been 2 minutes but apparently it was almost an hour since I closed my eyes in attempt to sleep)
But along was like "i'll use the charger for a while ah" and cause I didnt want to respond in case my brain wakes up and becomes alert again and it would be so hard to even get close to sleeping again so I just "mm"
Skali people started singing happy birthday and shammy lopez brought a gigantic present which looked dangerously pink but in my eyes it's peach enough to be peach so luckily
So I arose and began unboxing while everyone looked hahahah im so excited and beyond happy
Thanks a lot she came just to give me these stuffs and to disturb my (almost) sleep ofcus

Today was 2 cakes, family, and just avoidance of self-reflection.
And babies.
I can never ask for a different 21st birthday.

ps happy 8th birthday ham!! ♡

To myself (11.33am)

I read the email I sent myself
That was the best birthday messsge i've gotten hahahahaha not biased
:(
Thank you past me

ps she even asked if wwe really ended up coming back to SG oh gurl hahaha

I can't with birthday wishes (09.07am)

First of all idk why im awake so early but waking up to birthday wishes are just one of the best things about life
Like thanks for having me cross your thoughts and spending that few precious second just to message me
Literal tears of joy ok hahaha
I appreciate you humans

I will be 21 in a few hours (00.12am)

Technically I was born in the afternoon so im still 16 now but im gonna be old soon
Chiqa is the best she bought me a whole bag filled with my favourite snacks D:
I love my family ehehehe ♡♡♡

So weird that 21 years ago at this time im in my mum's womb like bruh

ps i sent this email to myself like on 7th march and finally it's time to read it- i'd do it once I wake up though I've waited 5 months I can wait 5 more hours hahahah ayy 

pps beautiful demi fanart but the 25 is my date ok hahahah

ppps got this in my email... rUDE

Tell me you love me (06.46am)

YES we all woke up to the announcement of D6!!!!
Weird title but I am stoked!
(cus it's so long hahaha but so was here we go again but maybe just needs time to get used to)
Beautiful cover, and idek just... bring it on

As for me, time to get ready for school

//edit//

18.28pm

Ayy currently awaiting the campus rider to transfer myself to hive

Just had dinner (ok dessert) with yollie idek why i agreed to meet her hahaha jk it was nice 

K my bus is here ttyl friend aka myself

//edit//

22.32pm

Less than 90 mins to turning 21 this is... crazy i cant comprehend how have I existed for this long no but yes but also noooo but at the same time im so beyond thankful just that age is such an unneeded concept at times like this 

Ok nevermind, you're only as old as you feel ahahahahaha (not denial) 

Here's to a grand week ahead (00.53am)

im gonna sleep and im gonna wake up feeling great and have a productive day ahead ehehehe
But first, sleep!
Goodnight amighosts sweetdreams!

//edit//
22.53pm

Yay today was pleasant
I was so on during morning class cause socrates and idk I just felt extra good
Crashed a spanish class which was super cool but I realise they learn at a very slow pace so thanks duolingo and other online sources
I actually woke up like earlier to reread Euthyphro and made some notes, took my time getting ready which was real nice hahaha perhaps that should be my morning routine everyday
Met mira at the interchange homagash long time no see
I switched off the 2nd half of the 2nd class cause idk after the break my brain refused to think anymore
Harmonix was cool as usual, revised our old song and jammed a new song with like 30 genres
Ok bye otw home now

And the onslaught continues

Reminder to self to not take it personal and not get emotional
Hahahaha jk these are lyrics from camp rock
Im too cooool for uuuuu

Btw you know that feels when the people who you used to understand and used to understand you suddenly fail miserably and vice versa?
Yep that one
What do we do from here?
Man life is a rollercoaster each drop is a thrill some negligible but some quite pressing huh

Sudden thoughts (00.21am)

2 months later and I still cant believe I didn't attend WWE SG this year?????
What disguspinkness

//edit//
11.57am

I've been able to track my dreams the past 3 nights which is really cool
I wake up and immediately write it down in my memo- not leaving any single detail I can remember.
Especially the littlest things because those are more likely to trigger the recalling of events.
In these dreams there are random recurring characters but last night (ok fine this morning hahaha since i slept at 6) there were a lot of strangers- but apparently since your brain can't make up a face, those were all faces I have came across before (mmmm agree to disagree hahahaha jk but seriously, nothing is impossible, what if those really are total strange strangers as in, I never once saw them or perhaps they dont even exist)
(Sorry strangers in my dream if you really exist hehehaha)
I'll continue tracking them because I read somewhere the more you track, the more you can learn to control..... hahahaha jk insidious taught me that it's not a good idea
Mainly I just want an anecdote of my 'unconscious' being because things that happen in my dream world are both bizzare and totally normal
Like two humans from different parts of my life would be siblings in my dream, I would see baby ducks and proceed to pick them up but when I recall, I was picking up hamsters
And then there are also time and place and face warps- which is just super cool
I guess noone can be sure of what the function of dreaming is- but everyone can enjoy its quirks and just full on weirdness

Well, you tried. Intentionally or not. (21.06pm)

Ok I had an entire day of rest it would be crazy if I said im still tired hahahah lozur
Anyway yes reflective post ahead read at your own caution cause you know the whole sometimes-i-dont-even-agree-with-what-i-type thing might occur and there will be no way to tell which me is the real one (maybe there is no real me hmm who knows)

Ok so I once did this tag post and one one of the questions I've answered is like What's the worst insult (or was it What was the last insult) i've gotten
My answer was "i dont think i've ever been insulted"
And it's true because see, in order for someone to feel insulted by anyone's comments or actions, these people has to bear a weight or value.
If I don't care what you say I really don't, even if it relates to me and especially if it adds no value whatsoever to my life.
(Constructive criticisms are different; they sound different and they are meant for a different purpose- even if it comes from a stranger)
And while we cannot delve into their minds and hearts to read their intentions, we have rationality to decide for ourselves which comments to take into consideration and which to ignore like the passing wind.

This past week though, i've been hearing negative comments from people around me, and they are about things that honestly if they even thought before they spoke, will realise that it is not only insignificant, but if I were to change things, it would literally do nothing to me or for me.
I know none of them meant their comments as an insult but the fact that they decided like using their conscious, working brains to bring up these points are like... art thou kidding me is that really what your brains decided was significant enough to bring up???
Lol okay?

Ok an example is I was eating with a group of humans and one of them asked, "Do you always eat this slow?" and I kid you not, everyone around the table snickered like "Haha ikr, do you?"
And I was like "Yeap."
Idek why it was a thing to be teased about like if I have an hour to eat I will take that hour to eat, none of my atoms are asking you to eat at my speed or wait for me, so beat it.

And then there were comments about me as a physical being- now this was amusing because if you think about it, merely changing how you look will literally change nothing- okay perhaps a little extra self-love but do you really want that self-love to stem from such a shortlived source?
I understand that it is a root of many good things- perhaps more self-confidence or idk, what else- more better photos (???)
But like... ok how do I put this
If God had a standard of beauty he'd make his creations equal man.
Ok nope too deep and debatable.
What even is beauty except in the eyes of the beholder honestly
And what even is beauty in the eye of the world?
I am more interested that we all were granted a soul, a beating heart and fighting spirits.
THAT'S what I care about.
So if you want to strut in my life telling me how I should do my hair or walk, kindly explain how that will be beneficial for the things that matter most; on whether it will help me help humanity, or add even the slightest bit of value to the world.

Because beautiful things are meant to be enjoyed and appreciated,
But our standards of beautiful are too well defined for any of these to matter.

The day everyone realises this is the day insecurities about looks die, because we'd all be too wise to be hung over if we're a bit too chubby or short, or have acne-prone faces and straw-like hair, or walks like a duck or has crooked teeth.
Because while not everyone can seem beautiful, everyone is beautiful- and this cannot be defined by any brandings or tabloids.

The easiest way to put my takeaways are by these 2 scenarios;

1) The sun is bright whether i'm indoors or out. It is hot regardless of my realisation of it. My acknowledgement that "OmG it is hot and bright today" was not the cause of the sun being hot and bright- it just is.

So are all of us.

2) The best part about beauty is that it's subjective not only to the audience, but also to circumstances. Have you ever known someone who is cute until they spoke their minds? Or until you see them acting rude or immature and just plain dumb stuff? In contrast, someone whose looks never struck you at first but as you spend time with them and learn their hearts, they suddenly appear to be so beautiful in ways you can't describe? (Yes Phil lester im looking at you- except your beauty struck me even at first ok hahahaha)

3) God gave us faces, dammit, faces and a working mind and bodies and even beyond that, a SOUL and existance. If we can't see these as the greater blessing than some random bones structure and DNA arrangements, idek why you even exist like go spend your time worrying about your life instead of your reflection or photos u lil shit bE THANKFUL FOR LIFE

Ok im totally off tangent why is this suddenly about beauty hahaha
Back on track, it's about how this sudden onslaught of what i'd call attempted insults just made me feel one thing; that i'm one step closer to greater self-acceptance AND success.
Of course it's not always a bad thing to not accept yourself totally, because there will always be ways to better ourselves- but it doesnt mean we shouldn't acknowledge our own little progress.
I saw a quote earlier on which vibed and was cool because i've been putting blogging this for like 2 days hahaha but seeing it reminded me of this overdue post-
Ok la I forgot but it's something about the toughest battles are reserved for the strongest soldiers
(Ahahahhahaha I totally made that up I really cant remember the quote, I thought I liked it on Tumblr but nope I didnt pfft)
Ok la,
On the note that we should all love ourselves for who we are while simultaneously continue bettering ourselves, not only for our own good but the good of the world (because we all share this world ok none of your righteous nonsense here)
Adios and here's to a less shallow humankind ahead.

ps lowkey made this post because a lot of the people i love and care about or know is just so caught up in their instagrams and ok do what makes you happy but if it just makes you feel worse and insecure and troubled then take a step back and look at all these because sistas and brothers there is noone in my life that I love because they are known to be good looking

WhuAT? (10.03am)

Bruh wth is happening at sunmerslam I am so conflicted
Like finally Natalya is a champion we've waited so long and sasha too
Usos regained their tag champs
Ok those arent that bad

But the expired shield defeated the bar???
Nonsense man
K bye back to sleep

Happy birthday my ultimate

Demetria devonne lovato a grand name for a grand human turns 25 today what even what a grandma

keep making great music ok
♡

ps lowkey wants this album release on 25th to be true but i dont think i can handle (reyrey returned on my birthday and that was a great present and now this???? mixed feelings la dont steal my limelight but please release your new songs)

I think so (01.05am)

I think i'm exhausted like I can feel my body begging me to rest just for a bit but my brain is just so active see mismatch
Come on, coexist guys
I need to sleep but hais
Cant remember the last time i felt- ohhhhh am I getting muscle flu from all the rain i've been playing under these past few days hopefully not
Goodnight to myself pls sleep

//edit//
14.47pm

Alhamdulillah, I survived haha the first dance went well and 2nd one was fun cause it's fun to dance!
The food was great but because everyone was rushing and stuff I didnt get to the dessert bars (yES BARS they had a lot of variety including freaking cheesefries r u kidding me thats amazing)
Now we're back at the studio and im so sleepyyyyy ok la more like physically tired
Thing is even if I go home now I either will fall asleep and then stay awake all night or not be able to sleep as usual
Either way, ........ i'm better off doing something productive aka learn new routines
Btw I drank this number one sports drink in UK thing before Harmonix performance yesterday and I thought it hurt my throat but I didnt want to blame it cause hahahaha I also drank plain water (which usually also hurts me psht)
And today I drank it again I hereby confirm that it is the electrolyte and acidic lemonness that disturbs my throat and vocal chords
(ok now they've started dancing I feel like I cant physically move pleaseeee send help mr bean or mr kennedy I dont care just come)
Lowkey checking price of grab home but I also want to enjoy the journey home it's such a lovely Sunday afternoon
(Abg riz is counting in tens which is weird but yknow  always trying new things)
K lemme nap

//edit//
21.31pm

Ok la actually above a bit drama hahaha I feel totally okay now duhh
And im feeling very reflective (when am I never) but cant bear to type anything now so it might come later we'll see
Have a great rest and may the new week bring blessings and joy to us all!

ps abg rizman bought us these from his istanbul trip- gorgeous!!!

Don't ask (20.56pm)

Heyya im currently having dinner with Harmonix idek
I dont even know why im blogging now la actually ok bye talk to u soon

No relevant title (2.21am)

Man I cant sleep
Lowkey waiting for dnp's livestream but i wont admit that to myself cause i want to sleep hahahaha but it's not happening see
Btw one of my current most played song is Sam Tsui's cover of Alone (originally by Heart) idek it's playing in my head right now
He's a gem

Ok so how should I sleep or just stay up I mean the livestream will begin in half hour
We'll see

//edit//
04.43am

Ended up watching the stream hahah thanks for entertaining me for an hour aka causing me sleep deprivation
Now I have at least... 3 hours to sleep
K buaiiii

//edit//

20.36pm

If my plan to be a full time student is personified into a human, it would have one foot out the door 

Idk im not complaining I enjoy life but it's weird that the more things I try to settle and push the more things come hahahah am I a responsibility magnet probably 

Just this week I had (ok will be having) 3 performances, 2 of them were last minute but ayy gotta slay anywhere anytime 

Gotta get on top of my homework game lets DO THIS

(lol whats up with this post and the number 3- ohh.... *looks at GIF*)

How (08.06am)

cant fathom the thought of travelling to school as of right now

//edit//
12.20pm

Really excited for D6!
May this be the champion album you've always wanted- although for me, your winning album had been released 5 years ago (and even before that)
Not my fault the industry can't recognize talent pshttt
But ya if the grammys is what you're after, you're gonna get it
We all know it
Let's go demdems!

Anyway...... I just realised i'll have to go to school tomorrow for soundcheck like I just realised I have no Friday class hahahha ok la can also

Reminder to always keep an open mind and don't feel the need to view life through other people's lenses unless it's better for you but most likely no ok im rambling byeeeee
Have a fantabulous day ahead while I get ready for school

ps i just heard mama calling chiqa toyib hahahahahah that was our rabbit's name hahahahaha aka my family calls everything and everyone toyib it's ok

pps so cute i wonder how toyib and inul are doing

//edit//
17.38pm

Lol an hour of class and im back home
Journeyed in the rain which was niceish
Just got a bittersweet moment seeing Sepahtu on tv :')
Life is weird, you don't even realise how different things are until you look back

I'm loving this! (15.47pm)

Yo currently having a short break in the middle of class
I added this class yesterday not even knowing it existed beforehand and I got in
Let me just say I am absolutely loving it!
Helps that it's Prof Winnie- idk if im well rested or just walked too much (aka enough exercise to wake my brain up) or she is just a good prof (maybe cause higher voice, less sleepying) but I am fully focused and idek it just feels good

Let me go take a mental break before we resume our discussion on Self-knowledge.
In the meanwhile let me just leave you with this question;

Why do we grant people the authority to not question their claims about their mental states

One... more... day (16.01pm)

man I always feel like painting my nails but regrets right after I do hahahaha idek this is just like cutting the hair and so many other things
Class starts tomorrow and im really praying and hoping and wishing to get my electives cause they'll boost this semester by a lot

Idk why im wearing a face mask in the middle of the day and oh- I didnt proceed to crash the lecture cause im not even sure if I wanted it at all
I had a great weekend which ended with anchorpoint and kfc which was great

Ok have a splendid day I have a meeting tonight and 2 dance items to relearn psht

ps 10 days to oldness D: 

A week of newness (21.38pm)

Hello!
Currently in the bus on the way home
Happy first day of school!
Not for me though, Wednesday is where it's at muehehee
But I had a really awesome day at school today for impromptu competition singing (heheh a song I didnt even know pls managed to learn and memorize lyrics overnight thank god D:)
Thanks a lot to my great adaptable team Justine Fred and Ian who were the original singers of the song hahaha
It was good our fellow harmonixers came to support :'( so sweetness

We then roamed around to give out flyers and then went to hive for lunch and bond
Vulnerability is truly strength, and it's what makes humans interesting- the fact that one thing can mean so differently to different people.
Life is life because we have our own lens, but we live because we are able to see things through each others' lenses.
Ok I shall not go deep lest i get motion sickness hahahaha

Went for dinner afterwards with jorene and frederico
And now yesss home
Tomorrow's another day of promoing and also might be a lecture crashing day let's see
Im excited for this week!
And oh, I got called for a dance performance on sunday ahahais for a dance I learnt long ago self-revision here I come

I had a great holiday, achieved a lot of things and had some meaningful bonding sessions not only with people but with myself too.
Here's to a great semester ahead, jiayou Sophomore year!

Respect the order (20.00)

Hello!!!
Currently queuing for the atm and i just wanted to say I heard SNS playing at the radio which made me so happy but it's not censored????
Like the bad words
Loser man
Boo you demetria

One more task, and then... SCHOOL! (01.06am)

Yo first let yo gurl here heave a sigh of relief over today- and the past few days.
It all went well, all praises to god!
Alhamdulillah.
Freshmen orientation programme ended well with a sleepover over mcspicy and online quizzes hahahahaha
Had a pretty good sleep afterwards compared to the first night sleeping in the hall!
I'd share more about this later but for now let's talk about today (yesterday if you're the kind of person old me was)
Woke up early and had fun getting ready cause great lighting and music- we had a mini polaroiding session before realising we were not early hahahah
Grabbed to MDIS where the arrangement for sidangs were all ready T.T
So grateful idk cause for the tertiary one it was 100% up to us kiddos but today the manpower was more solid
A bit trying in terms of humans either a) taking advantage of people or b) treating you like crap and act- or worse, they think that everything is ok and c) self. entitled. humans who just won't cooperate
But I soonest got over those minute dips and yes it all went well in the end!
Judged for the first time ever and it was exactly as I expected, it was fun but somehow my brain works better as an audience (i think no pressure=more ideas)
Everything ended around 5pm and then grabbed home to put my camp stuff and take a nap before going out with mama.
I ended up not taking a nap so I think like at 6pm I made them get ready to leave home hahahah
Went for dinner and gifts shopping ehehe
And finally got to watch Annabelle!
Met tatyana there and she idk la people say city square she go city hall hahaha luckily she texted quickly to check alahaissss
Ok my eyes are super heavy will probably update this later on or tomorrow

I have 2000 things to focus on, and I can do this!

I mean... same (05.17am)

I can sleep for 2 more hours wait not can I mean must hmphs

//edit//
13.19pm

Currently tumblring while humans are socialising
Idk what the above post was about hahaha but idk I had quite a solid sleep though I woke up too early again quality over quantity cliche but true sometimes
Idk what I feel like doing but as of now I just want to do the escape room and then literally escape hahahaha k kidding
Have a great day

//edit//
23.39pm

Currently still in HSS audi jamming to idk what songs they playing
My eyes are heavy but just know in my bones and soul I will not be able to sleep later
Lameee but ok la thats my mechanics you know got to embrace it
Ok lah let me lepak and scrll endlessly through fb again hahais

The night we climbed Mount Patirana (02.15am)

This is a setup for trouble man hahaahaha I might have to skip mass game at this rate
Just got done editing videos and photos
I need to go back into journaling I miss documenting stuff

Photo of the day;

Location: Mount Patirana, Bondowoso
Time: Right after sunrise.

Patirana was 9 solid hours of hiking; including 3 hours of stargazing, napping, deep-talking and praying Subuh 2/3 of the way up the mountain.
The stars were mesmerizing, they were full on parading their glow and the nightlights complemented the dark sky so well.
The air around us was ridiculously cold- but I survived without a jacket (I mean, I was wearing a thermal long sleeved fleece under my long sleeved jentera baiduri shirt and gloves and socks and tights underneath my pants- STILL super cold but I just wanted to embrace the moment wholly- so for someone who doesnt tolerate cold well, not wearing a jacket up there is a big deal bruh everyone else were cooped up)
The breeze were strong and chilly, it was really really literally cool because we don't experience that often.
While resting, Syaz, Aziz, Irfana and I engaged in an exchange of lame jokes, trying to outlame each other and of course being adaptable I managed to stoop down to their level and reign hahahah (it was ridiculous I couldn't stop generating lame jokes)
And then it was also the first time I learnt that Syaz has this before-sleep persona when she's on the verge of falling asleep, she'd talk nonsense and laugh at herself idk drunk man hahahaha
Syaz and I saw a shooting star at the same time, and it took me a moment to realise that that was probably my first time ever seeing a shooting star.
I mean we talk about it so much it felt like it was a normal thing, until I contemplated on why Syaz and I reacted in such a weird way
"Omg!"
"Did you see-!"
"Yes I did!"
Soon after, the mountain guides lit some stuff including... plastic to make a campfireish flame right behind where we were seated (I know, I know, the plastic smelt toxic)
We all thought it was weird they only made fire at that time when we already tolerated the cold for 3 hours, turns out they were generating ashes to land on our clothes for tayammum (dry ablution using sand or dust)
Then we faced atop the mountain and prayed while sitting down the whole time cause the ground was uneven
Super cool experience, in fact, super cool is a major understatement!
You can't help but feel so small, and being up there you focused on nothing but Him.

We continued our ascend which was a mere 15-20 minutes journey up (or at least it felt like it) and then we encountered the ridge
A really narrow path leading to two really steep ascents (which are- imagine this- not surrounded by plants or land, no no- one wrong step and you fall off the mountain my friends, roll down the hill like jack and jill- ok fine just jack)

Being up there, we had to be extra extra extra careful of our steps.
Took a while for us to ease up and I guess we were soon enough distracted by the sunrise.
I can't find any more words to describe being up there.
Breathtaking.
And then came the debacle on whether we should continue our ascent to the real peak.
Just being there, looking up at the remaining path we have to conquer in order to reach the top, you'll begin to understand why humans are asked to be grateful for what they have and to know their own limits.
Going uphill is no problem, but imagine going downhill in a group of more than 30 humans sliding down a long, steep, uneven dirt slope having to balance because go 1cm right AND left and you'll find a shortcut to the foot of the mountain
And there were 2 such journeys ahead
We could see the peak from the ridge, but most of us understood the risk and as a group we decided to turn back.
In the meanwhile the group hiking behind us wanted to proceed so they had to takeover- this was scary because like I said, the road was super narrow even for one human, so we had to use our sticks to find a ground big enough for us to sit on- more like perch on the edge- while a line of humans walk right beside us.
Syaz and I tried to scream down the valley to check if it echoes but either we didnt scream loud enough or the valley wasnt valleyish enough
(Of course we didnt scream full volume imagine if we shocked someone and they wobbled and fell D:)

So, one foot in front of another as usual, we turned back and began our descent.
This was a dramatic moment cause we got separated into a few small groups and we were quite a huge distance away from each other like we couldnt see the people directly behind us and even when we stopped for water breaks for them to catch up, we'd lose them again soon enough so we gave up waiting and shot straight to the ground.
I was lucky enough to be in the first group with nadia, sorfi, aziz, faiz and qamaruz
We had to leave a few people behind because we needed people to make sure the people right behind us (which was syazana and faris I believe) was in touch with the people behind them.
With no tour guide, we kept walking but halfway through I realised we were walking at an unfamiliar path but who cares yolo right hahahha
(I realise we were walking in the drains probably used to water the plantations on the mountain lol shortcut but really really rocky road- I didnt fall once though THANKS DECATHLON BOOTS they really did help with the grip!)
So then we reached a super steep slope where there was literally NO WAY we could walk upright
And we were well aware there was a proper way which we saw as a long cut (which we ascended by) on the left but we looked at each other and wordlessly agreed to slide down hahhaha shortcut
When we saw the field right before the bridge and the entrance, our hearts were so, so relieved!
This feeling was priceless ok actually all the feelings during the hike was amazing.
The descent was harder than the ascent cause gravity psht hahhaa but it was okay for me since I was hopping the whole way cause I trust my shoes!
(Oh tip for hiking, dont trust rocks. Especially stones)

On our way down we saw a lot of the farmers (ok wait my vocab is not with me but you get it- plantation workers) they were old people carrying big loads and wearing slippers with sarong.
Some running up and down the very route we used sticks to balance on
And then there we were wearing full hiking gear being overtaken by them hahahahah
Alah bisa tegal biasa, really
Things that are seemingly hard would turn out easy if we do it enough times.
We spent like half hour relaxing at the river, with Nad and I speaking to Yakub who was also on exchange in Al-ishlah (we hiked up together, but their team reached the base wayyy before ours- he even said they managed to take a nap before we arrived) before the rest of the JB team reached.
They were definitely worse off, they got lost and of course the longer time taken must've exhausted them even more.
We survived though!
Not only that, we conquered Patirana!
(Actually wasnt that hard ah hahahah I didnt break a sweat cause cold and the beautiful view helped a lot)
I'd honestly say it was relatively easy, i'd do it again on my own pace to embrace the surroundings.
Alhamdulillah, most of us came out unscathed!

(though our transport back to Ishlah took quite long to arrive and we were all basking in the tiredness together hahah I think we all had shower and sleep in our minds not even food man- I think la)

Shoutout to hajar my buddy and kakek selasih hanis for being my back and front guards respectively and forcing me to hydrate myself (even though I lazy take out water bottle) by sharing their drinks (lol we had to bring 3 bottles in our bags each so technically I helped ease their burden kan heheheh jk)
Syazana and Iffah for keeping faith and staying so, so strong!
And the rest of the team for always checking up on each other- it might be radioish to hear "Are you ok?" from 20 people in the span of 3 minutes (ok exaggeration) but point is they cared enough to ask each other and I appreciate the gesture

Cons:
X Because it was a guided tour and in a big group, we were hiking really fast and I couldn't enjoy the views where it was most beautiful- the descent was slightly better though because we were fast, we could stop at a few places for water and photo breaks

X Someone played music SUPER SUPER loud in the morning, we could hear it from the rest point of the mountain- was it for the farmers hahaha

X People were shining torches in my eyes pls stahp where's your light control

X People relaying messages for the sake of relaying it- "guysss keep right" 100m too early- this is a normal problem lol forgivable but doesnt remove the annoyingness

Wooh
Actually isnt this a better idea yes it is
Like instead of blogging my Bondo trip (or any events in the future) by day, (especially since Bondo was 18 days), i'd blog by photos
It does trigger the full memory as compared to trying to remember a day per se.
Ok set, look forward to the next Bondo photo-post!
(To me cause I love detailed posts)

In other words, it is 2.55am and I am not feeling sleepy at all but I should but my brain is just in a very creating mood right now
I shall not deprive it
Goodnight, sweetdreams!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE (00.02am)

Ahhhh I totally wanted to blog but my laters caused me to be 2 mins late booo
I had a great day!
Woke up too early as usual (i dont understand why i always wake up early unnecessarily but when i need to i dont is it the brain pressured to wake up or just fate)
Headed to esplanade to hang out with the fams and it was great
We screamed and sang and became public nuisance as usual but we made loads of strangers smile along so not so nuisansical hopefully hahaha
We saw a lady who was really great at playing with kids she literally rolled on the floor and ran around pretending to swim while playing superrrrr potential babysitter this one!
She made me so happy to see someone that big have such a young heart and soul!
Bless her
We drawed on each others' faces with red lipstick (oMg did I really type drawed what is wrong with me hahahahah drew I mean ah so lazy to backspace and edit)
(What a ridiculous messup)
Did a short (half hearted) flash mob and then idek laughed over coffee
Just a splendid evening
Fireworks are always so beautiful
Journey home wasnt as bad as I expected man hahaha

Camp resumes later ahahais and then straight to bahas saringan!
Cena would be proud of me
Ok, once again, feliz cumpleaños Singapore!
We always take you for granted but you'll always be home.
I wish you success not only in the monetary sector pshtt
I wish you humaneness and love
Kindness and understanding, something beyond tolerance
If we were there once, we will get there again
I pray for us prosperity and security.
Amin!
Here's to my Homeland!

Progress (20.03pm)

Currently at school idk for what ok lah orientation but it's ok cause it's rare that I hear demdems on the speaker but No promises is currently playing and I cant my heart
My bby deserves the airtime

Anyway today was tiring like all I wanted was to go home and rest but skip the whole travelling back home part-until I had dinner and perked up a little
Now it's raining and I still stand by my need to skip the travelling
They're gonna play mass games which im obviously skipping lol official bag caretaker

Tomorrow is national day!
One of the coolest days of the year cause everyone wears red and idk the pride in the air man
Probably going for a picnic with the fams-
Whatever it is I need a solid sleep tonight
(Ya keep telling yourself that)
Ok I shall go do other stuff
Ehehe adios have an amazing night!

ps euthyphro dillemma is our group name why hahahaha they nice though we guessed everyone's 2 truths one lie right!

Where does inspiration come from (00.55am)

for someone who was looking forward to resting in bed the whole afternoon she is achieving nothing
aka why am I still awake I was so sure i'd knockout at 10pm
Whatevs I stopped trying to understand my sleeping schedule

Anyway the expiry of my bus concession every month is like a loss of superpower cause I can now only limitedly freely bus hop to my heart's content
Controlled travelling is so not cool

I really hope to fall asleep soon cause if I dont it would cause a ripple effect- ahahaha who am I kidding im not that dramatic
Anyway tomorrow is my supposed last last day of work but also guess what school starts next week like im gonna be a Sophomore (omg so pho havent had that in a while... ok back to topic) in university which is weird still surreal really
Haiz
Once again goodnight

//edit//
09.09am

Currently still on my way
What's up with me being in overtaken buses these days excuse yall step up your game im a full pledged bus person and I dont deserve this humiliation
I was actually awakened this morning because I dreamt that I was late and the trouble it took for me to travel
I guess it's so cool of the human brain to do these (wait.... break cause clementi you and your horrendous traffic tsk2)
Ah ya, the brain does weird things and it's always impressive

//edit//
16.38pm

Idk why im this tired ok I might know even though im not the most physically self aware human
Cant fathom the thought of going anywhere but home after work
We'll see what happens in an hour

21.04pm

Look at me waking up too early during weekends for no reason
Hahahah anyway had a pleasant day of going to a wedding and then plaza sing for a while
Met this cik who asked me if I recognized her and I just know the face like it's such a familiar face but I couldnt pinpoint who she was
Turns out she was my school bus driver in K1 while I was in Darul makmur ahahahais
:')
Wouldn't have guessed that at all but ya so cool

I got a crazy week ahead thanks to bad decisions but it's always alright
Here's to a grand week ahead!
Goodnight, sweetdreams

ps 19 days to the day I celebrate 21 years of existence someone scream with me- no wait, for me cause I want to save my voice

00.55am

Heyyyya
Training went weird cause we were all simultaneously drunk but we sounded great but once we realise that we sounded better than usual we began to not sound as nice anymore
Either way usually we only got high past midnight but just now 9.45pm was cut off time daya began being hysterical hahahaha I love it
I know I said this a lot of times but being with those humans just makes me happy hahaha thank you for existing all of you

I feel like I have something on tomorrow but I forgot what (cue the side of me who has a full planner but somehow decided not to put the event in my calendar)
Instincts dont lie hmmmz i'll find out soon enough (perhaps it'd be too late once I realise where im supposed to be or what im supposed to do but hey)
I dont feel sleepy yet but I think I shall just rest for fun
Ok la, buenas noches!

ps was watching the angle-brock-heyman segment and i just am in awe of paul heyman i mean who currently in the business is even half as charismatic pls

pps at the same time i want to be lesnar cause just follow heyman everywhere and do nothing but pose with the title gurl dream job

//edit//
13.41pm

Really dont feel like moving, idek the week's tiredness which I procrastinated and ignored just came to visit one shot today which is quite good but also why on a saturday hahahah k
I also dont want to talk to anyone or respond to any messages especially if it's school or work related cause a thing about being so contactable and convenient is that the line between work and life becomes so blurred and just nope
Talk to me on my working days ok
(unless it's personal stuff like you need hairstyling advice or lipstick recommendations)
In the meanwhile,
Yo salir.

02.34am

I said this a lot tonight but thank god I asked for half day on friday
Had a productive meeting which resulted to us being left alone in the place with pin drop silence (I think I can hear my own thoughts out loud)
So we escaped and found a place with snacks
So now I should sleep
Another long day ahead!
Let's do this

//edit//
12.10pm

i want to be a full time theatre enthusiast in the future k bye late for work as usual

18.57pm

Yo I have no idea what I did last-
OH oh no wonder hahahaha omg
Met Evokals for dinner and to work on our new song!
Went quite cool, really
Always a joy to be with them

Currently on my way to meet some harmonix humans
Peak hour traffic is zzz and I cant tell if im hungry, sleepy or both hahaha
I think im reaching soon I'd better be reaching soon
Ok blogging is distracting me in a good way but idk what to talk about hahaha
Ok yes im 2 stops away!
Should I eat or sleep
Idek
Let's see

OH!
Happy 22nd birthday Shammy lopez, my soon to be elder sister hahahahaha ew IM the elder sister ok
I love you

09.53am

20 years of life and I still find formality weird- laughable even
Hahaha was watching My darling Inspector Daniel (of course to support lizzy's drama debut) and idk the way they talk to the superiors and it's just all so unnecessary
Which human invented this concept why must some humans salute another human and thank them for everything for no reason and idek
So ridiculous hahahahhahahaha
This is one of the reasons i'll never be a police officer (even though i'm into the whole fighting crime thingy)
Or anything that requires saluting
It's just so... lame
(no offence it's just to me ok if you like the whole ranking thing you do you sista im sure there's beauty in the art of formalities I just dont accept it as part of my life thanks)

Btw I hear national day songs on the radio
Best thing ever!

//edit//
12.25pm

You can't just sit around complaining about your fate or the way people treat you, taking you for granted and taking advantage of you; look around, are you doing the same to someone else?
Life is fair, it presents back to you what you give.
If not now, later.

//edit//
15.09pm

Hahaha im blogging a lot to distract my thoughts
Began the morning so peacefully I was actually in tune with doing my work but as soon as lunchtime came people from all angles began disturbing my peace
Por favor, yo no puedo.

Merry August! (01.56am)

I know it's a long shot but I am not ready to turn 21 I know birthdays are just a mark of our accompanying the earth's rotation around the sun and is on its basis meaningless but it also holds so many significance and I just dont want to think about it for now hahahaha
I slept before 10pm last night and wallah apparently my brain thinks 3 hours of sleep is too much (hahaha look at me blaming my brain for weird things)

May this month be a blessed one with newness, kindness and blessings.
♡

ps also marks 8 months of daily blogging bruh i did it