05.00am

Me thinking a day of swimming will give me a good sleep at night

Hahaha 

But also okay fine I shall listen to my body's wants and needs

+==edit==+

23.48pm

This last day of january sums up this month pretty well

Friendless, planless, and in bed

Not happy but at ease

So I dont mind I guess lol

20.19pm

Had such a bombastic day

Hydrodash was funner than I've always imagined, mostly because of the company

I didnt fall at all yay @ aquashoes 

Ok let me bask in this happiness and glory 

00.31am

I saw the words 'Rikishi is Umaga's brother" and my entire universe right now is collapsing and colliding and im a mess and my heart is beating too fast and my heartbeat is out of control and i cant breathe 

Im not OKAY 

(i mean it's not something i didnt know but just never thought about it somehow tonight it blew my mind and im not ok) 

04.38am

Thinking of restarting scrapbooking back

I used to do it in sec school and I loved not only doing it, but revisiting it!

I should start again

Huhu

Writing challenge #11

00.46am

Quite shocking how unaware I was that me, someone who literally writes everyday, does indeed maybe possibly have words of affirmation as a love language

The tests never say so it's always Acts of service and Quality time like way up there with 12/11 points and then Words of affirmation like 4 

To be fair the test gives us choices between like 'Have someone run errands with you VS Have someone tell you they love you everyday' of course i'd choose the former 

But it shouldnt come as a surprise especially when words heal and motivate me so much faster than anything else can 

Lolol blame the test okay

+==edit=÷+

07.34am

Eating a tiny kitkat after of course another all nighter

Wouldve felt like going on another bike ride but weather looks kinda gloomy for now

Also me now is older and wiser when I have sudden uncomfortable backaches that not even stretching help much 

The body is amazing 

+==edit==+

12.26pm

Ohayo another day of post 8am sleepage

I got awakened by my phone vibrating but my last notif was 2 hours ago lol 

But yay cause im glad to be up earlier

Also I dont trust people who can go to both the zoo and river safari in One day

Haha especially the zoo HOW can you I spend every opening hours minute in there and sometimes it still doesnt feel enough

Writing challenge #10

Look at me still doing this despite not doing it 

What do I feel strongly about 

15.30pm

No longer walking alongside fast walkers

Why i gotta put myself through pain and discomfort just to adapt to your freaky insectlike speed

Just let me be peacefully 50 metres behind you and you'll have to wait for me eventually 

Hashtag no regrets hashtag im not doing cardio for funsies

+==edit==+

16.54pm

I just want baby/toddler duncan to be mine okay he is too cute and smart 

Writing challenge #9

I need to think. So many words of wisdom out there that resonates deep within me

19.01pm

I think one word that describes me is Unstoppable

Hahaha newton's law is real

I slept for 12 hours on and off today

I think I have empathetically gotten the booster shot cause another person got it but I feel the side effect hahahaha drama

I've decided to be positive about work because as much as it doesnt value add to my life much, I shall make the best out of it while I strive for bigger and better

Am embracing the last week of my one month holiday before it starts so NO more mention of work this whole week okay yay

Tried cooking new things yesterday and today too

Yay @ me being unstoppable in every thing I choose to be unstoppable in

+==edit==+

20.31pm

I did it! I cooked a new dish 2 days in a row

But I made sure I ate before cooking so now im too full to try it but eh hope it turned out well I took a little taste and mama approved it also so I am the champion

I ripped a bit of skin trying to open new cooking oil eek but no pain but annoying

Writing challenge #8

What do I struggle with

(Can you see how behind I already am in this thing),

01.15am

Congratulations Aliff Aziz for the win

I think... the netizens' opinions are so weird

Thankfully GV is purely judges' marks (although some weeks results still weird but maybe guest judge's fault idk hahaha) cause if it was up to voters eekkkkk 

I havent watch fully but I am SO thrilled that Azan beat Aweera HAHAHAHAA no hate I just think Azan is amazing

I love Azan he is honestly the most clean singer in GV like he sounds like a recording every time (but also the lack of risk taking means he's unable to be top nor bottom)

Heard Nikki's items and oof that octave(s) jump attempt in Mengapa.. why u gotta disturb an already beautiful and intense song

But it's ok I love risk takers

Havent heard the rest yet honestly first performance I clicked on was Azan's hahaha

Ok bye yay again @ Aliff

I had a cool sunday, randomly hanging out stylo is always the best

Had a puzzle competition of a bubble tea puzzle, and then bought actual bubble tea and played drawing games

Here's to a beautiful week ahead

Im fully ignoring the fact that it's my last off week before work resumes but to be honest, I could always yeet and run away and not resume work cus this is the lifestyle I love (evil laugh)

+==edit==+

04.01am

YO I finally did it

I subscribed for Youtube premium but it's a month of free trial and im gonna be so pampered with zero ads 

I already clicked on one video and seeing no ads made my heart soar 

So yeah hopefully within this month I find adblock for my phone that works perfect

+==edit==+

16.43pm

Simply disrespectful, but my tendency to be a bigger person forbids me to say anything about it cause it's always "no big deal" but it truly is

And to think it's coming from the closest people in my life is just astounding

I shouldnt be okay with it but I also dont want to make a big deal out of it but it sucks and it hurts especially when you thought you long found your flow

Ok bye

Maybe having no friends is not as bad as everyone says 

Lol

+==edit==+

18.29pm

# to not be the source of anyone's pain or worry or bother

Only in lives to ease or value add

Writing challenge #7

Im on my way home, I will edit this later but 10 songs??

I dont listen to songs ok fine

#1 It's all coming back to me now; on replay

03.27am

Another home alone Saturday 

No idea what I even did hahaha

But it's ok, always good to have an off day

Here's to a better brighter Sunday ahead!

+==edit==+

05.46am

Just saw the AME nominees for this year and BlUEK it's such a popularity contest  (and idk if the votes percentage on the website is true/current because if it is wtheck the answers are litrally there)

I remember the days we spent lots of time voting for Jep and Zang (ABPBH I think) for their categories; sitting amidst piles and piles of newspapers and even collabing with other fanclubs who are nominated in other categories HAHAHA

K bye another night of no sleep yes queen who says all nighters have to be necessary

Also I HATE the updates on all the apps

I usually dont update until they stop working but one week my playstore crashed and I gave up and uninstalled and it auto changed the settings to auto update apps on wifi 

I was so disappointed and still am

Youtube sucks, Chrome sucks, Insta updates are always trash I loathe it 

Ok thats all I use HAHAHAH k bye 

Writing challenge #6

#1 You cant, I have no heart

03.07am

I like how my body is trying to make me morning bird by waking me up at 6am but I just deny it by not sleeping TM

Writing challenge #5

In no particular order

#1 Fiji Islands/Tahiti; give me endless beaches

#2 Iceland; pls, dont even need reasons

#3 The whole Indonesia; so culturally and naturally rich!

#4 Switzerland; them mountains thank you very much

#5 Greece; to visit Socrates hahahaha

Honourable mentions include Nepal cause I need to see Everest with my own eyeballs and also of course the Holy land

Lol obviously very nature oriented and obviously missing hidden gems I dont even know the names of but honestly anywhere I go will be great cause I have myself

I would love anywhere with any kinds of museums, walking trails, rich history

Not really important are food, lodging or shopping so I guess im a backpacker except i'll never carry a backpack hahahah no me dora el explorer

05.03am

Simply no plans to go to sleep

Not even trying not to just not even thinking about it

+==edit==+

08.31am

Hey I did something

Wanted to do something but nothing sounded good- not hiking, not blogilates, not walking, not even fitness marshall

Then I remembered along got a new bikE!!!

I cycled for half hour non-stop around the neighbourhood and then got home and drank a cup of iced water with lime and now im wondering if im slightly dizzy because havent sleep or my contacts or my body is shocked at the sudden cardio

Hahahaha but is ok nothing lying down wont fix

I had grand plans to come home and return the bike and then go out and get breakfast for me ele and along but the second I stopped cycling all the delayed tiredness came at once lol so noped and locked the bike

But wow, first intentional cardio of 2022, only took me 21 days

(I say intentional cause in my daily life got unintentional ones almost everyday so)

Honestly if I fell asleep now I could get my straight 4-6 hours of sleep

But I have daytime plans and I plan on napping then 

Not guaranteeing i wont fall asleep soon

Maybe i'll just set my alarm 

(Hahaha i just checked and I already set it last night- it's gonna ring in 2 minutes lol)

20.29pm

Hi Le Le please wait for me to see you dont grow too fast I will save money to see you everyday

+==edit==+

22.51pm

Even though I dont think it necessary nor wise,

I am this close to subscribing to youtube premium 

I am unhappy that it's even a thing and I am not decided but at the rate of my youtube usage it's kinda a need 

(yes i tried adblock on phone but doesnt work only laptop)

+==edit==+

23.42pm

Me spent the past few hours watching old vlogs

I should edit them and hit everyone with random nostalgia lol especially hmx

I MISS HMX 

Writing challenge #4

Coincidentally I was just reading up about how a certain someone inspired me

But of course I have so many inspiring figures in my life;

Tokti, Reyrey, even everyday heroes like people who has been so, so kind to me

But let me just choose to talk about One.

Easy choice, Siti Nurhaliza.

A kampung girl who wanted to be a singer so her brother teased her saying if she can lose weight then he'll bring her to KL to be a singer (in the olden days being butthurt wasnt a trend) (haha controversial statement)

Was late for her first audition and had to beg to try out

Lost her first competition but came back stronger 

Became THE best singer

And until today, almost 3 decades later, still the same humble, talented, beautiful lady we've all grown to know and love

Quite a literal zero to hero story, and the most inspiring part is her character remaining constant from the start

From refusing to photograph with male celebrities to being strict about not wearing revealing clothes despite everyone's mockery of her kampungness, she stayed true to herself and made everyone love her for who she is 

Dabs

Love you tokti 

Cant wait to see and hear you live again this time I will drag all my friends to witness your greatness in person

(but they cant sit with me cus i'll be crying the whole time HAHAHA both concerts I went to I cried as soon as she sung her first note LOL)

Writing challenge #3

I never thought about pet peeves much cause im not easily annoyed (dont care about people much) but I have 1 DEFINITE one

#1 I. HATE. LITTERBUGS!!!!! I wish i could squish litterbugs into oblivion without touching them ofcus

Thats all, really. But some other things that annoy me;

#2 Food over orderers. Not in a grandma way, in a Greedy, im paying so I can order all I want even though I probably wont be able to finish them way

02.53am

Currently feeling empty because I dont have snacks at home

I could go and buy some but... nah 

Im sure i can be patient and wait until snacks magically appear 

But in the meantime i'll continue feeling the void 

22.39pm

My body woke me up at 6am again and I noped

But thank you though, do you think you could do it again tomorrow? 

(watch my body being a rebel and saying Now that you want it, nO)

Writing challenge #2

Already almost forgot about this

Day 2: Write something that someone told you about yourself that you never forgot

I dont even know

I just woke up from an accidental nap I think I was out for 2 hours

Will come back and edit this

Writing challenge #1

Back to the heyday of blog tags;

First thought: this is gonna be hard cause of the word 'really'

Wouldve been much easier if it was 'What really makes you happy'

I'll try in no particular order

#1 Babies! First thing on my mind was Alfie cause I just posted a photo of him being 9 MONTHS OLD. The irony of wanting a baby to grow well but also wanting them to not grow so fast. Soon Fahri will be 8 months old T.T And yes, babies, children, in fact, are the best cures to sadness. They bring so much joy and reminds you of the best things in life. 

#2 Hotdogs I guess HAHAHAHA (just cause I ate it for dinner last night) it's so multipurpose im sad it is considered unhealthy cause I can eat it for every meal but what do I care I shall eat it and be happy (literally boil some hotdogs and give me chilli sauce I love it)

#3 Ice cream is a tried and proven pick-me-up, or even an addition to already beautiful days. Ice cream is the best. Cake, too. I am not even a foodie but I already have 3 foods mentioned.

#4 Oh this one came as a Duh; The beach! I love the beach and it makes me very happy

#5 Sunny days. Blue skies, bright sunshine (bonus if it's windy, too) INSTANTLY makes me happier. 

#6 A cappella. Rehearsals make me really happy. After a disgusting week of school or work, I look forward to every rehearsals to bring me joy

#7 Adventures! I love doing random things and experiencing experiences. Includes spending time with people.

#8 Doing things to make people feel beautiful- like taking their photos or doing their makeup. Makes me really happy to see people happy

#9 Ok fine... Snacks. Snacks make me happy more than actual food hahahah I am a snacker not an eater. Any kinds of snack!!! Right now on my head is hot and spicy chips. Either calbee or twisties. (but do snacks make me really happy or do i just love it, idk)

#10 Planning. (sarcastically) im such a virgo. Planning makes me happy but im far from a Type A. I plan necessary things (glares at Type As who has itinerary for the most unnecessary things aka who are u to stifle me) (ahahahaha jk u do u just dont tell me what to do)

(Secret #11; makeup, makes me happy before, during, and after.... not really the removing process though)

Couple of surprises that didnt make the list

1) Writing

2) Singing

I guess those dont make me happy per se

I do those because im happy? (or any other emotions in the book)

K bye this was fun

See you on day 2

09.28am

If all I can do this morning are stretches and pretending im moving more so be it

Somehow woke up at 6, noped quickly, and then 7.30am

No idea what time I even fell asleep

+==edit==+

16.09pm

Became a true human today

Took a nap from 12.30-2pm 

Didnt manage to do anything though, bummer 

But also just watched a bit of gv semis and 3 things

1) Azan is too good, he is so clean in his delivery permaidani sounds like his own song i had to double check that it wasnt

2) Nikki's belts and transitions are so clean. There was a period of time when her tone wasnt my favourite but puncak kasih was a good fit

3) Bunda is the best!!! We need more of her so unselfish and motherly. The standing ovation and thumbs for nikki was so cute and well deserved cus girl is litrally recovering from being hospitalized 

01.21am

Im putting it into black and white now

I think I have a pregnancy radar

I always know when someone is gonna be or is pregnant 

Idk I dont even need to see them or know them I just sense it

And ive been right always

Hehehe so can use me as pregnancy gauger 

17.52pm

Sometimes the only thing that heals you is your patience

02.02am

So I obviously failed in forcing myself to sleep yesterday

I managed to sleep like 7-12pm so that was good I was set for the day

So today im just gonna not try and sleep

01.40am

Have been trying to sleep cause I wanna rise early to move

But obviously it's failing my rebel of a body is like Why not move NOW!!!

Cmon man I even resorted to sleeping mask 

Now im hungry instead

Truly, tis the season of falling asleep at 5am and waking up at 9am

+==edit==+

07.04am

Yo I simply couldnt sleepTM

But I kept the sleeping mask on the whole time just slipping in and out of consciousness until apparently now

But also yay im finally awake early!! If awake means I managed to shut my eyes for almost 4 hours straight

+==edit==+

23.58pm

Ok but when ron said I love you to hermoine my heart cannot handle the sincerity and how much he means it 

21.46pm

Genuinely no idea what time of the day it is 

This morning I thought it was 10pm

Now at almost 10pm I feel like it's 2pm

Hahaha

I think I must move to Iceland during summer where the sunrise is 3am and sunset is 10pm 

(I didnt fact check this dont @ me)

But LONG DAYtimes sounds so ideal for my body clock

Idk why I capsed those words

Ok bye

04.35am

Wanted to get up early and go for a hike

My inability to fall asleep isnt agreeing

+==edit==+

13.06pm

Happy birthday tokti greatest singer in my eyes and ears and heart

♡ 

Thank you for sharing your talent with the world I love 

01.55am

Muddled muddled puddled. 

But this too shall pass

I have a giant shield of stoicism protecting me from external negativity

+==edit==+

14.04pm

Finally watched the HP reunion and I cryeD

How dare they end with the most iconic quote

How dare!

+==edit==+

19.22pm

Already feel lighter by doing nothing and keeping my peace

Thank you universe 

It's like I have a beach within me that I went to and cleansed myself

Wth am I saying dont question me

Happy 55th birthday to my Papa Dio! ♡ (00.07am)

Im very at peace with myself

Idk why people got issue with me

But most of all, idk why i am even slightly bothered by other people's issues with me

Inner peace

+==edit==+

02.13am

Wattpad having ads is one of the worst things to ever happen

Ugh

02.41am

Why. 

But also im not interested to know why

+==edit==+

23.08pm

Have been trying hard to resist external forces pushing against me

Today I am tired.

Today I had no strength to fight

But I wont let the negativity enter my system even for a minute (few seconds can but must leave immediately) 

Yesterday I was just reminded of my place

Today I felt like running away

But I stayed present

I tried putting in energy and effort

But internally my heart is on the verge of tears

Just because im reminded of my place

Usually im great at ignoring this feeling but mostly it's cause im just not feeling well ah the cold weather is just horrible to me

This afternoon my fingernails were legitimately purple because of how cold it is I also had a fever and I just feel physically weak which contributes to my lack of emotional and mental strength too

May tomorrow be a better day already

I am light

I am happiness

Noone's lack of love or concern for me will affect me cause I am love itself 

I am also stoic

Most importantly I am speaking nonsense hahahaa

Had a pleasant day although I was very very low in energy, my eyes were heavy and my heart was burdened over other people

Helped set up a new TV 

Had my only meal at Sakunthalas

And now im home feeling no better than I did when I left home

This too shall pass!

01.35am

The cold and I we're not friends

My body hurts everywhere 

Bleh

+==edit==+

14.43pm

At a crossroad I thought I managed to escape from

A path of a few more while of stability, 

Or an emblazened path filled with exciting uncertainty, plagued with yolo mindset and just do it way of living

Of course it is obvious which one is for my spiritual emotional mental everything happiness and peace

But why am I thinking, again?

Im gonna give myself more time to reveal the answers I know the me deep within already knows

I can see her shaking her head wondering why im still thinking about it 

Just give me the answer and the strength to do it

Thank you universe

+==edit==+

21.20pm

Still no answer but it's okay hahaha somehow bought myself time without asking for it so that is good

Went down memory lane watching old vlogs and I. miss. Hmx!!!!

And our adventures what 1am dinner, meeting at johor, climbing spider web while waiting for our gig to start, lying down during meetings and auditions

Hahaha yall are irreplaceable and I hope hope to reunite soonest!

Chiqy's first day of Sec school (15.54pm)

One of the best things is Taker beating Snitsky up even though Michaels was the one who eliminated him and then Michaels taking that chance to run away from Taker hahaha

+==edit==+

18.44pm

Just CPF is so stupid to me

What an outdated form of forced savings pls 

02.51am

So so So happy yet it feels natural and right that I dont have work tomorrow

+==edit==+

20.14pm

Im unstoppable and my corazon is indestructible

+==edit==+

22.04pm

Pretty sure im more excited for chiqy's first day of sec school than she is

Hahahah I love first days of schools so excitingg

05.01am

Me recently thinking: it's been so long since I cried! I feel like myself again

Me today: shedding the first tears of 2022 (the rest will be tears of joy or no tears at all k)

Cause of freakin grab I couldnt get any drivers for 40 mins and there were no cabs around and I just wanted to crash but I was surprised I cried I think it was mostly relief when finally got one

Nonsense sia hahaHaha

But thank you for saving me :') 

Now im settled and ready to crash (or so I claim, half of my sleepiness is gone because im still surprised I teared up lolol yol's theory that her PMS is Post-menstrual syndrome is true)

+==edit==+

20.45pm

Ive been playing in the rain everyday this year

Weehee

Merry 2022! (I typed 3033, close enough) (00.38am)

Happy new year!

I almost spent the midnight hour in the toilet but I didnt I escaped 15 seconds before midnight

Was gonna leave home because finally have company but grab surcharges is... this time I wonder why I wasted all my gojek no surge vouchers for WORK

Partying more important pls

Hahaha but yes this means I had to change back into my pjs and (I was asleep until almost 11pm so my eyes are still heavyish from the waking up)

But also of course my neighbours scream happy new year out their windows I didnt do it yet would it be weird if I did it now hahahah not weird but also ok la give chance to people working tomorrow morning which is so sad but also you got this

Idk what im saying I love new years but I love the endings of a year more cause got excuse to slack off as one united people

But this means we got excuse to kickstart our gears!

Again im blabbering k bye 

+==edit==+

01.16am

I read more books last year than the past many years of my life 

Thanks harry potter and chicken soup (which I still havent finish...cause... emotional)