13.58pm

Im free

Im home

Im content

Happy new year's eve

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15.27pm

Who wouldve thought i'd be spending my nye alone at home watching football

But also watching football always reminds me... how much better watching wrestling is hhahahah I shall go down that hole right after this

+==edit==+

20.11pm

Have done nothing and almost forgot it's a new year tomorrow

+==edit==+

20.25pm

This year like all others has been both long and short 

If I didn't blog or take pics I wouldve not even remembered that Anugerah happened this year

Feels like the year just began in August after my 3 months of rut and rock bottom

Thankfully, im ending the year in a much lighter position.

Some of the most significant, memorable moments of the year in no particular order

1. Anugerah was a yolo thing but wew, such a big deal for me to bring hmx's name public

2. Lut Alfie and Fahri Qaizer entering our lives ♡ HUGE huge happiness

3. Lost both Atok and Tok Noh a few weeks apart. That sucked, but it brought the family extra close together.

4. Anga got married, I now have a sister in law and a niece, too!

5. That may-august rock bottom period where I did absolutely nothing for 2 weeks and then picked myself up slowly going on new adventures, being in sentosa every other day

6. Me going hiking every week sometimes twice a week to try and get out of the rut- became such a fun routine but once im out of the rut I somehow stopped hiking, too

7. Working. April-Sep was work from home haven, I had all the free time in the world and could go on so many adventures. But then back to office was actually hellish for me. I am not a morning person, I am not a time waster, it's torture and im so happy im free from it. (For now im gonna say forever cause must think of happy things and not the fact that the new contract will come to me on 3rd jan ugh I havent even seen it yet and I already wanna rip it to pieces yes even though it's a soft copy)

8. Speaking of working, dropping out of Uni. Man the weirdest yoloest decision I made this year. Truly let go and let god for this one. 

9. Speaking of Uni, had my last semester as active HMX member this year. Leaving was quite easy because it barely feels like home anymore. But it just goes to show home is the people you're with. It's truly a totally new generation and I wish them luck.

10. Oh my gosh I almost forgot, the whole Vertigo episode. Worst moment ever. Also first time in A&E which did Nothing at all.

11. Turned 25. 25 is old wtheck but also young. But to me is old cause ew but alhamdulillah

I have a newfound sense of motivation, and the new year seems to be the perfect place to start although I didnt plan it

Ok bye take a break from blogging can you tell im an abandoned being haha i dont mind though everyone pls have fun on my behalf thks

+==edit==+

20.41pm

Lol I just scrolled through my gallery to look for baby photos and realised I didnt mention doing Wedding photography

Parked a car for the first time

Be part of an overnight shoot

Haish okie never ending list i'll just add more later (or not) for my own happiness 

05.09am

Im so not myself I cant even track my sleeping schedule

But I have been at ease and not exhausted or anything so I know i'm okay rested

+==edit==+

21.16pm

Rewatching the sg-indo match and hahaha so funny how they sing national anthems before the match like I get it but still funny lol like compulsory karaoke session or breathing warmup idk so funny

17.37pm

How is alex ferguson 80.

How.

And why am I watching Aquaman willingly

Is that green goblin in the movie

And ed warren

Nothing makes sense between xmas and new year

Hahahahaha

07.31am

Work? 

Especially after such a fun weekend?

It's a no from me

But it's ok I literally only have 2.5 more days of work potentially ever at this office if I still refuse to sign the contract lolol

(2.5.... or 1.5 hehehehehe lol but for valid reason okay settling chiqy's school stuff I forgot which day i'll be on leave)

+==edit==+

11.42am

Oof first day of period today and I feel the weak

My period is very regular but also every few months it changes which week of the month it is, like a reset 

So like the last period I had was 6 weeks ago which resets it to last week of the month again, and after this it will be exactly 4 weeks from each other until the next reset point (my last reset point was April) 

I say this cause it feels like so long since I got my period so it feels weird yet relieving to feel the tired 

Just generally low energy and will take my own time but all is good my peace and happiness comes first muehehe

It's lunchtime but I have no appetite also not that hungry so im just loitering and resting (after typing this I feel slightly hungry pls but nah not gonna move)

21.53pm

Wow I didnt blog on xmas day

Had a lovely weekend, from sushi on a friday afternoon to two beach days in a row

Right now im sleepy which is amazing thanks to swimming at the sea and screaming our heads off hahhaha

ALFIE CAN CRAWL i am shook

I shall share my weekend tomorrow in the office when im inevitably bored

Also im so tired I thought it's past midnight hahaha it's not even 10pm yet

07.43am

What terrible sleep I woke up almost every hour lol but like the feeling when you check the time and you have more time to rest 

The only reason im up and running today is because it's a half day at work

+==edit==+

14.01pm

@ people with crocs; why, how dare you and tell me what is wrong 

Actually you know what, stay away from me hahahaha

(Unless u wear it ironically that one i support)

+==edit==+

15.24pm

Oh me? Just trying not to cry hearing celine dion live performances

What a masterpiece always

Also im so done with circles.life

I think I have tolerated it for more than a year where I pay to get 2 mins of data a day ugh

+==edit==+

18.53pm

Modesty is one of the best features of the Malay culture

These kids lack it in a way that gives me secondhand embarrassment

Who am I to judge

13.58pm

Another day another marvel movie that ripped off kung fu panda

When will this end because nothing slips by me okay 

Anyway had an exciting day yesterday despite horrible (lack of) sleep (more like I keep waking up and then having trouble falling back asleep) and when I was about to fall asleep at 6.30am MOE texted chiqy's school results

Told mama baba and along (cause they were the only ones awake at that time) before going back to sleep and then woke up realising a lot of school prep deadlines is THIS WEEK!

I revealed her school by sending a photo of her in the "uniform" but dramaa cus when she woke up her phone was dead and everyone was waiting on the family chat 

Once revealed, settled some admin things and immediately asked chiqy to get ready for back to school shopping (I was the excited one but she also but she act cool)

Went to bras basah popular (as expected, already plenty of sec 1 parents there buying textbooks)

Weather was so good

We lunched before finding her school bag and stuff and we did it we got everything

All I need to do is order her uniform and school books online... once I can get up

(Sis is on sick leave today, she is exhausted and her whole body feels most achy)

And then walked around bugis village feeling like mini santa 

Headed to vivo for spideyman and made fun of the whole movie because I have ZERO sympathy for him (spiderman, that is) lolol

I was there the whole time thinking about how ridiculous the whole concept is and how it's only "cool" cause high production level and nostalgia (which is a very strong point) 

Definitely weak plot, though

But before you hate on my review, it was Entertaining and I am sure is a dream movie for spiderman fans because I can put myself in their shoes and feel the excitement, suspense and tears (none from me because like i said, NO sympathy whatsoever hashtag come I clap for you and your genius)

I enjoyed the crowd laughing over unfunny things and not laughing when something funny happens so like what are you all on about

Hahah ok la if you like superhero movies you'd definitely enjoy it (I cant appreciate fight scenes, like get to the point already make me dizzy for what I already know who's gonna win anyway)

Also dont get me started about post credit scenes hahaha ok no more hate 

Definitely dont understand why people watch it more than once 

Though I was pleasantly surprised by one of the actors whom ive never seen on screen before this, despite bad reviews on his work I think I like his work??? Lol 

But also, my biggest point of intrigue is the philosophical question about the happiness stimulation.

Not a spoiler dont worry if you care but it's the question of would you agree to be hooked up to an experience machine and experience the greatest happiness you can ever feel and not be aware that it is not reality?

If youve watched the movie I wonder if you can see how the ending poses a similar line of questioning? 

Ok wait since when do I care about not spoiling things you know what im gonna come back and edit this post with proper things let me just get up first

Had then a mini adventure after that while pushing through my exhaustion hehe but it okay today rest day

K bye for now im blabbering but I have another coolish thing to share 

05.33am

Dont get me wrong, this time round me sleeping early and being woken up every few hours is lack of inner peace and not me being a morning bird

Maybe both 

But not fun

+==edit==+

10.58am

Im so excited reading about chiqa's school stuff

She's still sleeping so she doesnt know her fate yet but im already reading about all her curriculum (again)

Lolol also I was planning to reveal her school like a gender reveal HAHAHA 

05.20am

Ohayo 

I do not think since work started I have ever woken up this early but here I am

Fell asleep around 12.30am (wew it was not the easiest I kept waking up when the video I was falling asleep to ends) so I guess 4.5 hours of sleep

Everyday I question myself why I didnt just clear all my leaves lol pfft

+==edit==+

18.23pm

Im home in less than 90 minutes!

Tried a new route which looked longer from the number of bus stops but I wouldve reached home in 1 hour if my 2nd bus didnt take 17 mins to arrive

Yay I survived today

Starving

Most importantly, thinking of my Malaysian friends. ♡

07.37am

OF course the day im on leave my body wakes me up at 7.37am

Cmon

08.25am

Good morning

I kinda loathe it when people who wants to be somewhere early tries to drag me along

As much as you dont like being late, I dont like being early, ESPECIALLY unnecessarily (im 6000% sure I blogged about this exact issue hahahaha u see how it bugs me)

Im an On timer okay if im late it's 83% traffic's fault haha 10% pure laziness and 7% accidentally started putting on makeup when I didnt plan to 

Those are statistics

+==edit==+,

15.28pm

Yesterday I was alone most of the day but this morning healed that emptiness

Went for breakfast with family and then ice cream and spent like an hour rolling around in a carpet shop

Wished we had the whole day together!

But is okie soon

Also I was contemplating attending a live suzuki cup match but the only places left is like indonesia or malaysia hahahahaha hashtag imposter

See if im tired

Happy cause I have mutton soup in my kitchen I want it now

+==edit==+

23.02pm

I know I always "blame" my heart for sadness and pains but my heart is a true rebellious gangster who knows what it wants probably more so than I am aware of

10.39am

Good morningg

Woke up at like 9 today after a restful sleep for whatever reason

Quite happy that work makes me miss vlogmas cause it means I have a lot of things to watch now

Of course im starting with Ballingers they give me so much joy!

Just had breakfast and ready to roll around again

+==edit==+

12.47pm

Just how does Saari Amri do it

How come all the songs he compose become hits for decades

Truly a god given talent i cri

+==edit==+

21.10pm

The rain is making me feel less bad about being the only one home and planless on a satuday night (again, what's new)

04.14am

Pardon me im getting used to being lame again after such a fantabulous weekend

Also im already strugglin and tomorrow is the third and final work day of the week

How can i ever do 5 days in the office the answer youre looking for is never and not in this lifetime

Lolol 

The urge to take half day or mc is strong but mostly cause I didnt have work to do the last 3 hours of work yesterday and foresee it being the same later

Bleh. I should sleep

+==edit==+

13.30pm

On my way to work

Ended up taking half day off but I feel better overall and it feels like a friday so yay about that

Let's do this 4 hours and then find adventures!!! 

+==edit==+

19.18pm

I just wanted to have a good day why is everyone and everything so annoying

And why is the holiday season so crowded

Looks like im sleeping my friday night away again

What a weekend (17.15pm)

I had an amazing weekend but now I am a restful being who is home and sleepy so brb

p.s. this is the most number of days ive not posted wew 

+==edit==+

22.28pm

Thinking of Ayden and Alfie and Ayden and Alfie together and the family and the hotel rooms and the corridors and the 3 days of pure joy

Alhamdulillah for this event, it felt like a family holiday which is major yay

+==edit==+

23.42pm

Did I mention instagram is just stupid because it is

05.51am

Gave myself 2 more hours of sleep but what does my body do

Is fresh and unwilling to sleep

If I start to get sleepy in half hour thats major betrayal but if I stay awake then ok fine I will nap at work lolz

+==edit==+

14.24pm

One of my office windows is left open cause the office is always too cold

And it's raining very lightly outside but the smell of rain is like a candle blowing into the office

Nice

Quite productive today, wasnt too sleepy but got like a 15 mins nap during lunchtime 

Just excited about my 5 days weekend starting in 2 hours

Dance dance

+==edit==+

18.05pm

I keep seeing the matrix poster and thinking it's snape

Lol pfft

00.18am

Very surprised im not crashed yet even though i've been sleepy since 8pm

I think I got too much on my mind and heart but at the same time im actively emptying them all out and taking one thing at a time retaining the good and letting go of bad vibes

+==edit==+

00.45am

Me: plays a long enough vlog so I can fall asleep to it

Also me: ends up paying attention 

Ahaha ok fine true crime it is but like what negative vibes to fall asleep to

Neh probably gonna choose another vlog

Eyes are heavy

+==edit==+

05.40am

Whoa ew i keep waking up every 2 hours

What kind of restless rest is this

+==edit==+

17.17pm

Ended up half day off work aka I came in at 1pm and thank you gojek for having my back I grabbed to work from botanic gardens for 4$

(Just stop being on surge all the time pls)

The amount of times i've replayed e.a.r.l's I just called to say I love you wew astronomical

Obsessed aka we are our biggest fans lol

+==edit==+

18.52pm

Kinda just got home

Went home not tired, not ready to crash and not in a mood

Lol just cause I didnt have to go work at 8am 

01.38am

So blogger updated itself without my permission we'll see if I can finally upload photos

This weekend was beautiful in weird ways

Today I felt extra lonely amidst the crowd so I dragged myself somewhere else, and just like in the movies, a little girl suddenly came up to me and shook her stuffed animal in front of my face

I thanked Allah in that moment for sending me not only company, but the purest form of company, children.

That little girl and her brother befriended me for that 15 minutes, making me forget all about the negative feelings

She introduced me to her stuffed rabbit Jason who wanted to eat candy cane but has no mouth (she still has a lollipop in her mouth thats why she had to hold her candy cane instead of eat it)

My kids club side immediately came out hahah

They cheered me up part 1

And then another being found me and cheered me up part 2 

And then reunited with some old hmx who I missed disturbing, cheered me up part 3

Ate together which made me happy again

And then rehearsearl which always makes me happy

Went home and suddenly had a tummyache- I think it was the super sour sourplum drink I made myself finish despite it being so sour hahaha

Thankful for the people around me

I hope all our affairs are eased, we are blessed with health, wealth, and happiness

May all our good intentions be eased and our dreams and responsibilities be fulfilled to the best of our abilities!

Insyaallah.

Alhamdulillah for this weekend, may it have had recharged me for the upcoming work week (also anga's wedding week!!!!) 

+==edit==+

17.28pm

I just cannot with the universe giving me chances but also testing my will hahaha

Aka my workplace just persuaded me to continue working there by offering not only latecoming but 2 days wfh a week which of course eases half the burden

But i'll still hate the travelling and jobscope and the entertaining people

I just agreed but my heart is upset now that I agreed

But you know what, i'll give myself 3 months

If I still hate it in february, i'll not stay a year (most probably not sis is ready to move on to freelancing life)

But thank you company for finding a middle ground and leeway

Aka the things you get when you are just plain honest

Me: i just cant do mornings

+==edit==+

19.15pm

How does instagram manage to be WORSE every single update.

Wtheck i hate the whole reels thing it's all so messy anf inconvenient and UGLY

Also i havent eaten lunch wew

04.11am

Avoiding youtube cus judy is doing a gender reveal premier
Im simply not ready but either way im just so excited leah is gonna be a sister T.T

+==edit==+
04.13am

Ok yay I went to look for spoilers
It's a GIRL!!!
Benji is officially a dad to 5 girls, thats crazy
Mei lin has 5 siblings and all are girls too
Wew this is the opposite of the ballingers pls hahahaa they are all boys what yin and yang

07.58am

1. What am i doing awake at this time
2. In my dreams my phone was laggy like crazy, now it IS lagging a bit but this is not the kind of dreams that should come true hello

+==edit==+
08.39am

Yes hello
Three seconds after i switched off my standing fan and was peacefully settling down, it fell right beside me, knocking over and spilling a giant bottle of hand sanitizer
That was DANGEROUS cmon the front part came off exposing the blades too
The alcohol almost touched my extension cable and idk how my fan almost fell on me also thankfully I was cold and shut the fan off
So now my pillow and blanket are wetish, I cant fall back asleep cus i dont trust the fan no more, and I am tired but to be fair I did get almost 7 hours of sleep so im probably not that tired

+==edit==+
16.38pm

Everyone is on my nerves
Maybe I should simply stop interacting with people cus right now I dont want to deal with anyone

+==edit==+
18.57pm

Wew my mood is lifted after spending time with family (specifically baby alfie no offence everyone else you all also matter hahahaha)
So yay thank you for the blessing of children

13.55pm

The way I watch kung fu panda 2 and feel so emotional im on the verge of tears at the part where master shifu and ox and croc and the furious 5 leapt into the sky with Po what a goosebumping moment
Yea I dont get the same feeling from superhero movies now those are lame

+==edit==+
21.40pm

Have been feeling lonely this past week (ps im home alone again)
This isnt what being 25 looked like from my younger selves' imagination
Hahhah but it's ok things will be better before I know it
All is good and all will be well
Exciting weekend ahead so thats good
Need a soul recharge and getting some
Did I mention I missed work today
Lol the exhaustion

12.13pm

Omggg im watching Kung fu panda 2 for the 700th time and suddenly got curious about who voices Lord Shen cus his voice so cool
It's freakin Sirius black!!!
Shook factor 4000

And what the heckie doodle do they mean when they say Baby Po is played by an Australian rugby player ape ni merepek I cant even comprehend did he make the baby noises or what??? HAHAHAHA that would be hilarious

+==edit==+
20.04pm

I went from having 13 more dreaded months of work to 17 DAYS (and potentially 9 if I clear my leave but we'll see about that)
But oh my, the thought of having only 9 more days of work puts me in such a holiday mood
Yay me
Here's to bigger and better things

Merry December (00.00am)

What a lonely start to a new month yet final month of the year
I am at the bus stop trying to get home from bedok
My bus still isnt here
My battery is at 23% and I dont feel like listening to any music
I have work in 8 hours
Things will only go uphill from here
Like... I think thats my bus at the traffic light there

+==edit==+
01.34am

I did it
I managed to not grab today except that impossible journey between nus and my workplace
I couldnt take a bus if I tried pls it would be a literal uphill battle
There's something freeing about anticipating freedom, we feel it during last days of schools, but those are bittersweet
This one just feels sweet lol I have finally written down my rejection letter in my phone memo and it already made me happier even though I havent even sent it yet lol
Also happy last day of work to doya!
Im so happy and proud and also may He ease our affairs in doing work that comes from the heart
We got this uncearl
Felt rejuvenated just being there aka earl's rehearsal venue hahaha
Reminder to self: live life making power moves
Lets goo
Ok but first time to try and sleep lol

+==edit==+
11.15am

Did I mention I have a sudden ulcer at the back of my tongue
And I mean SUDDEN
One second i didnt have it and suddenly when I was gonna speak it began developing and it hurts and is uncomfortable and annoying and im too old for this but too young too just go away please
Im ready to send the email
I just wanna talk to dear mei lin first because she has been so patient in teaching me things
It's quite a sorry not sorry feeling
Sorry to mei lin, not sorry to everyone and everything else

+==edit==+
22.31pm

I did it.
Funny thing is I wanted to tell mei lin before I sent the email but she was hit by problem after problem all in one sitting so I kept putting it off and just sent the email after lunch
Suddenly at like 3pm she gasps and said WHAT IS THIS when she read my email that was forwarded to her
But she's a sweetheart so I just told her I wanted to tell her since morning but you kept getting troubled
She was like Ok between u and me tell me the real reason
Me: im just not a morning bird
Her: ohhh okay yup i understand, im a morning bird
And she proceeds to share a story about her old workplace in HK where they actually gave a leeway to the morning birds to start earlier and end earlier and the nocturnals to start later and end later
What a useful system!!!
Wouldve stayed in the job longer if that was the case but alas
Went to lasalle after work and managed to get a ride back thanks to Anga (who assumed it'll be chiqa who wants to be sent home but NOpe she's happy staying there where she has friends) so yay now im lying down and resting
Alhamdulillah for another lovely day, looking forward to a blessed Thursday insyaallah!