The day switched from lovely to bitter with just a text message
My beloved grandpa has passed exactly 5 hours ago, and yes, it was the darned COVID.
I was at vivo, grocery shopping, didnt have time to process it, not even now,
Not for a while, I think.
But let me just pour out words that feels right.
The first thing I thought of when the news first broke that you were in ICU due to covid, and had 5% chance of survival, was I want to see you.
I wanted you to be surrounded by us who loves you but barely made time for you, especially the past 3 years when you had to move to a nursing home.
I wanted to see you cry tears of joy once again, seeing all your grandchildren (and this time round, one great grandson too)
I saw the photo of you in a casket- how unrecognizable you were.
How heartbreaking that the wound on your hand from the day you fell those years ago still looked fresh
Your transition from strong, lively fella to a weaker, helpless one felt like overnight.
1 fall was all it took to change the you we knew and loved our whole life
I saw your frustration over the loss of your independence when you stopped being able to do things for yourself
I know you were unhappy feeling helpless and being treated like you're incapable of anything
We've never seen you cry but that's the only thing you could do when the whole family surprised you on your birthday (honestly, probably the wrong birthday, but youve never corrected us)- you burst into tears of joy and enjoyed being fed cake by all of us
I love you, atok.
Thank you for being the kindest, most loving.
You cared for us and gave us the best memories growing up with your magic tricks (how we took so long to figure out your trick to remove your 2 front teeth is because of dentures)
Your expertise at card tricks!!!
I remember the first time I found out your full name, it was on a letter you got, and I remembered from that day on
I would always be the most excited whenever you and nenek came over to our house, because you both rarely go out anyways
We'd always drag you to along and anga's room and make you entertain our antics
How you doted on chiqa the most
Calling her terrible when she refuses to salam you and nenek when she was in her terrible twos phase
And playing along when she, in return, called you 'jellybird', her attempt at copying you
I still use that term today
You were always on the same seat directly in front of the tv, it has always felt empty since you moved out and it always feels wrong to see anyone but you occupy it (well, until nenek changed the sofas)
Rest in peace, atok, whatever faith you had, I saw it for myself how devout you were.
You've never left the home without your long prayers standing infront of the door
I have missed you for the past three years, and now forevermore.
Thank you for lending your sunshine to the family.
Now you get to be free and strong like you have always been.
We love you.
I wished we could be surrounding you and bid our farewells and show you our limitless loves.
You would have been the best great grandpa for all our kids, calling them terrible when they misbehave in that playful tone I still hear ringing in my head
I'll make sure mine knows about what a wonderful, kind soul you were.
Some deeds only we know and hold close to us.
Rest easy, our atok anton. ♡
Antonio Sebastian Joao
6th November 1945-12th October 2021
p.s. remember that one post where I shared having an existential crisis about atok's birthday, cause i've always remembered it being 6th november but his IC says 6th December? I hate to say I finally got my confirmation today, and it's because of his passing
p.p.s MAJOR PLOT TWIST. His birthday is 6th November, apparently the date on his IC was printed wrongly. Oh my. No wonder atok said we were right whenever we celebrated him in november