Trying to numb the pain

hello.
not in the best mood and you can see that.
i am officially shagged.
i hate it when i'm tired and someone nags and asks me to do some things, and when i'm doing it they keep commenting and critiquing (word does not exist beep beep)
like, ughhh!
please, i'm trying my best in my zombiefied physicality.
but yeah i believe in motivation.
I believe that when someone bothers enough to say "Cheer up" or "Don't give up", they believe in you somehow.

and guys i just did something i'd never thought I would've done.
i tore my literature papers.
huh.
seeing how badly i'm catching up in lit class, i feel so... (idk how to say this so forget it)
when tearing them it's as if i'm removing the things that don't matter anymore.
Things that'll always stay in your heart and mind, but things that are already worthless.

I can't wait to break out of this robotic cycle singaporeans call 'LIFE', cause this, my amigos, is not what life is about.
pursuing qualifications?
and then what, spend the next 30 years doing the same things?
and then retire rich and have no energy to do anything else?
i will regret if my life turned out that way, so i will not make that happen.
okay guys emo post is over hehe.
you really make me feel better even though im technically talking to myself.
adeu

I missed you!

HELLO!
Oh my gosh.
i cannot believe how long i went without updating you!
so many fun things happened, and school is well; tiring.
Okay let me just list okay since my USB is still missing :(

Things i'm up to:
1) Auditioned for bahas competition by speaking in english. I totally did.
didn't know there'd be a time i couldnt speak malay at all. I am not
proud of it btw it's so embarassing

2) MCS competition. So stoked, but practices' getting more packed and pressuring.
We can SO do this, go MI MCS!

3) NDP dance. Yes i'm in it again and no yol and melly is not joining :(
Instead i asked syuh, shasha and wana along ;) Lesse how it goes.

4) WWE and DEMI LOVATO is up to so many awesome things i'm so happy :')
WM29 was epic and DEMI album? Can't wait for it!

5) ZIRCON DANCE FOR SPORTS NIGHT! WE WON FIRST! (tell you more later)

6) Choir SYF IM SO EXCITED GO CHR

Things i'm not really happy about:
1) Myself. hahahah im unhappy with myself!

2) My school. Yeah i pretty much hate the system.

3) My teachers. Ugh. They're technically babies trapped in adult bodies.

4) The fact that i'm not part of any SYF preparation :( I've been doing it since i was 8 so this feels bad




SO!
yesterday was sports night.
We finally danced after night practices at the weirdest places (etc multi storey carparks where we witnessed the sun set together aww so romantic)
It was the best night/day i ever had in MI, i swear.
The rest of the school well, is torture.
haha and guys i really hate it when people can't see you have fun.
Just because they don't have fun people to be with doesn't mean they have the right to make people stop having fun.
yes im referring to that nerd whom i dont know what her name is zzz so annoying.
Had lots of fun with dancemates especially antonin since he was my dance partner.
Made tons of new friends and thanks to suf, farah, luv and the rest, the dance was made possible.
And the best part?
We won!
Our hardwork (trust me it was hardwork) paid off :')
i love those guys haiseh xx
not only that, we also won overall for that night, (still got other team sports but haven't took place yet)
i'm super proud of zircon.
and the rah rah and cheering was, as usual, my favourite part of any events.
I love shouting, :D


MCS rehearsal at RP earlier on, i woke up late hahaha.
Had tons of fun with them all and ain came :')
"i'm not the kind of person who does things halfway so i decided to come until the whole competition finish"
and she brought along food so sweet xx
My MCS family made me laugh a lot hehe.
lepaked with syuh afterwards, forever fun.
played timezone and guys, i'm still unbeatable in air hockey :')
i told syuh that if that was a cca, i would've joined it :P
So.............................
i feel so bad towards you cause i got SO many things to share but i feel so lazy to type :(
Promise to update you more often.
adeu

New experiences

hello!
guess what?
today was the first time i danced with a dude hahaha.
it would've been super awkward if it wasn't for my dance partner (that term's too formal) who is my classmate.
phewsies.
but it was a fun experience thanks to antonin and fasiha and jaypy and shikin and the other seniors! :D

so guys after a looong time of not dancing i was super stiff i was surprised at myself hahaah.
i mean it usually comes naturally but today it's all like zzzz no reaction.

So last term had been pretty hectic though it was the first term.
So far, this term is even more packed.
MI mart and stuff haizers.
What's up with me and my haizers hahahaha.
i think mas put my name in the talent show auditions.
i don't want to join though.
should tell her tomorrow.
haizers.
ANYWAY
green hagrid planned a good reunion for us smurfs but the event is on MI MART DAY ASDFGHJKL D:
hmph.

ok currently listening to a recorded syarahan, nabi muhammad is perfect ya allah.
i wish to be as close to him as possible.
i wish to be a better person, a better muslim.
in sha allah.

anyway, happy birthday naddie!
love you!