hello!
i think it's been 10 years or more since i last watched the bachelor/bachelorette.
hahaha and i started watching again, i just finished season 14.
jake pavelka...
even though im idk, 2 years late, i know that vienna is not what everyone thought he would choose but meh.
hmp.
people say they strive to be better people, like all the time.
personally i do too.
but somehow my actions dont speak for my thoughts.
it's annoying, like i want it but i dont push myself.
and im like aware of it, but cant do anything much.
to be honest im fully aware that im changing, into a person i would prefer to avoid to be.
sometimes i try to do things better, but yes it does get tiring.
however it's really worth it, like you'll feel happier seeing yourself treat yourself and the people around you right, the way you want to be treated.
but at times you'll just feel like, "you know what, i should stop trying"
and i sometimes think that too.
but then i realised, i had not been trying all these while.
it's the people im with who brings out the best in me.
sometimes the worst, but then i'll feel bad a second later and do something to fix it.
but i myself know that some things are better left unsaid, unexplained, and untouched.
it's sad, you know, when you look back and be like, "Wow, I never thought i'd be like this."
some days it feels like you dont even have a choice to choose what kind of person you want to be.
you're too affected by surroundings and circumstances.
but at the end of the day, it's all about defining your identity.
you choose who you want to be.
you choose how high up you wanna build a wall around you, and you choose when you are ready to let it all crumble down and take risks.
You, create you.
nothing else, no matter how much effect it has on your life, can shake you if you're truly defined.
noone can shake your values, beliefs, hopes and dreams.
noone but you.
this is cliche but it's something i believed in ever since i was young.
"Everyone is unique, we're different in our own special ways"
it's up to us now.
identity vs society.
initially had 4 great plans today, but i couldnt choose which to go.
and since i owe rainy and jw an apology for not turning up previously i should meet them.
we're finally gonna meet teen titans!
thanks rainy for the tickets haha wwwyki*
im also supposed to choose between working, going for a job interview with KCjr mofo, and going to mofo pink's chalet birthday celebration.
and since i cant make a decision i shut everything out in the meanwhile xD
it's annoying and tiring to argue with yourself!
it's raining.
ughh.
okay haha
adeu ^^
*zackryderref sorry not sorry haha