16.18pm

Never have been really good at not following my heart

And I do not intend to start now

or ever

01.22am

Survived what felt like a long day!

A few things to debrief but for now im just relieved to be laying down resting

Cant remember the last time I felt like I need a massage but I certainly do feel that now

Alhamdulillah for everything

And thank you for taking care of my heart, Ya Allah

+==edit==+

15.02pm

I truly wasn't born to be a follower, so as much as you find that weird I find YOU weird

13.49pm

Feels like ive read everything there is to be read just for my brain to say, "i know, i know." again and again

And just for the heart to say, "but-"

04.47am

So anyway this extreme roller coaster of emotions are just not it

+==edit==+

15.46pm

Wow ive never heard Gotta go my own way and felt every single word like that

Whew I need a moment

14.25pm

Heal, so you don't bleed on people who did not hurt you

+==edit==+

16.23pm

Oh, too funny

Travelled back in time to read my old blogposts and so many things made me happy

Past me is great and she left a lot of messages to her future selves, and present me needed to hear all of them

Ok all except 1 where she tells me to study for exam HAHAHA

That little journey to the past made my heart happy and lighter

♡ 

14.19pm

Meta really taking over all the apps and making them WORSE every single time

Ive always hated reels and facebook videos used to be my source of joy and now it is all reels and I loathe them

What kind of short attention span and bad portrait orientation videos are REELS 

Youtube shorts also gotta go but at least it's separate from the actual videos

Fb is just now all jumbled up 

Gross meta u suck big time

16.47pm

So weird to be doing nothing at home after 9 straight days of working

Work dont even feel like work which is amazing

Aiming to have more jobs lined up for me because I have spent the past 4 month leisuring lol very recuperated and ready to restart the hustle

Anyway I fell asleep at like 7am and my body happily woke me up at 10am nice

Also I think I can be patient and buy quby stickers at kl next month instead 

(Small sad for the wait but big excitement and patience)

Alrightyz adeu 

ps kinda miss busking but my cough came back so i probably cant even sing yet

pps reunited with earl the band after 2 weeks + 3 days and i lovedd it ♡ 

ppps ms rachel being bullied for speaking up and raising funds for children in genocide and more is crazy disguspink!!! Literally proceeded to follow her using all accounts I have because yes @ influential people who speaks up 

11.15am

Think I left a piece of my heart in Penang 

Do we consider ourselves bad travellers, if saying goodbye to a new piece of land always feels so hard

Or are we doing it right because it meant that we immersed wholeheartedly

I dont even know I dont even need answers it wasnt even a question hahaha

In an ideal world i'd be getting ready now, buying quby stickers (IMPORTANT!!) and then heading to shoot

In this world though I am still weary, heart slightly heavier than I'd like, and all I want to do is read and write

It's okay, I know for a fact that if things go wrong outside of my control, I just gotta look inwards and be gentle with myself

Out of ten on the scale of okayness and myselfness, I feel like a 4 right now

It fluctuates through the day

Last night I was a 10 and then it dropped to a 2 and then it went back up to an 8 

At least I know i'm not running away from my feelings

If I have anything, I have courage

And it is this courage that will get me through this

Courage to stay kind and loving and forgiving to myself, and to others

Courage to pull away when I want to and step back in when I need to

I don't even know what i'm talking about

I didnt even think I let my fingers move faster than my brain

Girl just wants to rest before work later

Ok bye hahahaha lol dabs

01.09am

Cant believe im leaving Penang today

Really loved it here even though all I do is work and sleep

I really will return someday soon insyaallah!

The vibes are beautiful and my heart cannot with the views that photos dont do justice to

Why did past me not ask for a one way flight ticket!!!

But issok, just more reason to return

Also first time I never shopping much hahaha cause procrastinate then in the end never buy anything (that is not from guardian.... aka i shopped in guardian.. half not even for me lol)

And 3/5 days i ate cream cheese churros

My roomie is sound asleep and I just want to stare out the window but that's abit creepy so I am not doing that

HAHAH 

Got to be up in 6 hours and I hope I dont wake up from the alarm blaring from the room beside ours- like yesterday morning at 6am lolol 

Also so funny this whole team not morning birds so none of us went for the hotel breakfast ever hHahahahhA same

K bye i shall do things I love you Penang please call my name soon again I wanna come again 

02.37am

Dangit forced myself to fall asleep and I think I KOed for 12 minutes before waking up again

Long day ahead, and physical too

Might need to standby a white flag of I-need-to-take-it-slow at my back pocket, but for now, i'll do what I do best

Get through it

Had a hard time busking tonight but only I know how bad I felt and only I know how much it took in me to do it

I struggled singing love story and then couldnt even sing a duet

But by the grace of god I just kept pushing through and then I did it! (Of course, had a lot of support) 

Future me would be proud of past me

We did it

ps not me hearing john cena's voice when I was typing "GET THROUGH IT" ^

pps also my part time busking partner sang Wonderful tonight and I said I would back him up but then I cant stop unhearing the rock's version so I didnt even try

ppps maybe i'll stop forcing myself to sleep and just take a nap during lunch later but still hopefully I can get at least a 2 hours sleep 

21.35pm

It's always darkest before the dawn (insert cool breakdown here)

16.23pm

I just cried because people are kind to me

And then I remember, the last time I felt this down, it was random kindness from people that really helped sailed me through rough spots

And the most amazing part of it, it's so second nature to them

Oh what did I do do have these people, but I won't say I don't deserve it because I know in a heartbeat, i'd do the same, and humans are just weak and need each other for strength sometimes

Only God can bless their kindness, whether they intended to be kind or were just being themselves (i'll still try, but only He can repay as much as they deserve)

Here's to stronger days ahead ♡ May He always keep our hearts soft, gentle and loving. Despite. 

"No Muslim is afflicted with any harm, even if it were the prick of a thorn, but that Allah expiates his sins because of that, as a tree sheds its leaves."