04.19am

Too much emotions to unpack and thoughts to unravel but just dont want to deal with it right now

It's a privilege i'm not taking for granted

07.54am

I could sleep an hour more

+==edit==+

23.01pm

Tired

Feels abit like jatuh ditimpa tangga

But not really, when I focus on the good

But as of this second, it feels like that

03.46am

I dont want the waste of time that comes with sleep

But I want the restfulness,

And the temporary forgetfulness

The temporary lack of feelings

Happy birthday nenek!!!

So happy to be able to start the day with you even though you have to work hahaha

♡

+==edit==+

05.06am

How come writing can do two things at once;

It can help you release feelings, let go of emotions,

But it can also concretize the feelings, solidify the emotions

What a double edged sword

But worse cause even the handle is made out of blades

Lol 

+==edit==+

09.41am

Simply cant sleep.

Even you get to sleep to escape your pains

Oh well.

Im the strong one

Patience, heart. 

+==edit==+

12.07pm

I simply give up trying to sleep

+==edit==+

12.13pm

Also my instagram explore page should realign itself and bring back my top tier memes and not bombard me with sad quotes and writings !!!!!

21.27pm

Maybe trying too hard is a thing

It is, I know

It's an exciting week so I shall stay in positive lights

Only good vibes allowed to enter my space

!!!

00.02am

Cant believe I freakin watched Barbie

Most of all, cant believe a part made me cry

I can describe it in 3 words in order of accuracy;

Nonsensical

Entertaining

Real

Hahaa dont get me wrong I love barbie movies like barbie in the fashion fairytale, fairy secret, I memorise!

Mermaid tale, im the queen of the waves 

But yea those are.. better 

Also some people in the theatre actually clapped for the movie but

Whatever makes you happy people

+==edit==+

00.10am

Oh, John cena was the best part

Love u superhero 

06.44am

My softness is a strength

My heart remains steady and vulnerable

You can pierce stakes through it or shoot arrow from afar like the cowards you are

But the blood that pours out is what heals it further and makes it stronger

I should sleep

03.35am

Saw some of my old posts about babysitting yayan and I kinda miss our little routines

Milk every 3 hours, bathtime at noon, several naps a day, me using the tiny slithers of time I had to myself to either shower or eat or drink coffee (very rare times where I get to do all 3)

Now he's such a big boy, he's in school most of the time, he can stand all by himself and crawl so fast everywhere

He laughs so much and smiles at everything

He's too cute and im so emotional at the thought of taking care of him at 3 months old

I'm having a a month of... procrastinating my processing

At least on the deeper side

I dont want to say so much happened because it doesnt feel right to say that at all

I have my shakayaniqin and mak ngah in my mind and heart every single day ♡

Currently sleeping over nenek house for the week but I use the term sleep loosely hahaha

Finally had rehearsal after 8 days of break, last min Johor trip and SICF

Very inspired

Heart still torn, despite all

Really feeling the loss, I never want to say "It doesnt feel real" because as much as it doesnt, noone wants to hear that

This is the first time im even thinking about it, and my eyes are already tearing up.

This is why I procrastinate my processing

Not now, not alone, yet.

Ya Allah please grant us strength, your light and your love.

Protect us and guide us.

Amin, amin.

Again, finally had rehearsearl after 8 days and it feels good to hear us again

We got this my loves

♡ 

18.15pm

Jadi orang jangan menyusahkan orang lain

Insyaallah keikhlasan tiada batasnya

No promises though

07.08am

Not me waking up an entire 3 hours before my alarm

06.50am

Woke up exactly an hour ago unsolicitedly 

Mornings are cruel sometimes

Got to leave home in 40 mins so why am I still rolling around unbotheredly

Also no idea what time I fell asleep but I feel rested so thank you body for recharging yourself

+==edit==+

07.24am

Haha so silly right as I finished showering to leave home at 730am I got told calltime is pushed to 945am

Couldve rolled for 90 more minutes but alas

It's ok can rest my eyeballs

02.17am

And there goes my wonderful plan of sleeping 10pm-4am 

Dear self you got to be up in 4 hours

Also just now I downed a cup of pretty strong iced latte because concert was starting and we weren't allowed to bring in drinks

Note to self to stock up on candy for later

Especially seeing that I probably wont be asleep anytime soon 

05.42am

Should probably be asleep

My brain is like work starts at 4pm so for what sleep early

Engrossed searching online for performance outfits didnt realise the time

Time to pick up seamstress skills cus nothing that exists match my vision

+==edit==+

16.06pm

AlWaYS. 

The day I decided not to bring my necessities bag I HAVE NECESSITIES

Pfft 

+==edit==+

22.19pm

Today I decided to bring less things

So I left my tiny bag of everything behind

I needed nail clippers- it was in that bag

I needed clips- they were in that bag

I NEEDED KEYS- THEY WERE IN THAT BAG

And then I needed my electric fan- guess where they were.

Bruh

I just got to enter my house after 1 hour of waiting outside

Luckily I got back my portable charger from cena

And thankfully cherie used the festival pass as a fan, so I did the same

Ok 

Tomorrow will be better

Bismillah

02.04am

I cant sleep on normal days but the past two nights has been my body fighting any semblance of sleep in the night despite me barely able to open my eyes (like right now)

Brain so awake

Body ready to recharge

But also, it's only 2am

Had such a long day that I thought it was 4am 

19.59pm

Ya Allah please grant us strength

And energy 

And an armour made from your love

Grant me strength

And endless energy

At least for the time being

00.44am

Cant believe (can believe) that I spent 19$ on ice cream to get a free quby plate

My head saying: I want to eat nasi goreng on a quby plate

Hahahahahahaha

And I got a cute one

But also the promo was supposed to end 30th June but I asked anyway and they said CAN

Now im two boxes of magnum (something ive never bought before lolol) and a quby wearing a cheese hat plate richer

Dabs 

+==edit==+

04.23am

Trust Jozan to make me happy 

Being an entertainer is really a calling

You never know whose day you're turning, whose hearts you're changing and whose lives you're saving

May Allah bless people who makes others happier and at ease ♡

Merry July (13.12pm)

I keep the sadness and heartaches in my prayers, safe with you, as we step into a new month

Only light and love will follow me through

Bismillah